When Entrepreneur Stuart Middlemis comes across a small cave at the back of his property, he uncovers the key to a 30 y.o mystery which provides more questions about his past then he ever knew existed.
8089562 Please PLEASE don't hold back on pointing them out. I kinda jumped the gun on publishing the first seven chapters. They were nowhere near ready, but the mods wouldn't let me publish without them.
That goes for everyone if you don't mind. Gotta learn this whole writing a story thing somehow, and not being receptive is lazy and immature. Have at thee!!!
8090808 I would help with the typos and grammar, but unfortunately, I'm a little too "lazy and immature." : P Otherwise I might be writing a story of my own...or studying like I should.
It was a force of potential, a Tsunami of infinite mass that whispered to her heart in the faintest voice, yet screamed to be heard.
Tsunami isn't a proper noun and shouldn't be capitalized in this case.
However, her needs outweighed them by a greater amount as it was what was required to fit in; in a world where her kind were not known and even less understood.
In my understanding so far, she is the only one of her kind being a hybrid of some sort.
rather than outsiders that knew precious little of the projects goals.
Still no clue as to what those goals where.
They were quite vocal in their opinions when they bought them to her however
Here's the bought instead of brought issue again.
she dismissed them out of hoof, siting the benefits
Is "siting" correct? I feel it should be "citing". Hell, we don't even know if the side against having portals even has a good reason or are just being obtuse.
This proved to be effective in the short term, but was seen as cleaning house of some of the more extreme or vocal elements within both organizations
The ponies for the project should have no issue since members that are sabotaging the project are hurting those that like the project.
“You there, on the wall! Police! What are you doing!?!”
You know, I’m not against the way you chose to do this, but I’m wondering why the spell put her in a male flesh bag? I mean, that seems like a kinda uncomfortable thing to do to a young unicorn filly.
I have read far, far worse. In fact, if you could fix all the typos, this could be a really big story. Imma keep reading.
8089562 Please PLEASE don't hold back on pointing them out. I kinda jumped the gun on publishing the first seven chapters. They were nowhere near ready, but the mods wouldn't let me publish without them.
That goes for everyone if you don't mind. Gotta learn this whole writing a story thing somehow, and not being receptive is lazy and immature. Have at thee!!!
Poor Marcy can't catch a break!
8090808 I would help with the typos and grammar, but unfortunately, I'm a little too "lazy and immature." : P Otherwise I might be writing a story of my own...or studying like I should.
Not a big fan of the exposition dumps. I feel it goving us explanarions way to early. Do loke the story otherwise.
Tsunami isn't a proper noun and shouldn't be capitalized in this case.
In my understanding so far, she is the only one of her kind being a hybrid of some sort.
Still no clue as to what those goals where.
Here's the bought instead of brought issue again.
Is "siting" correct? I feel it should be "citing". Hell, we don't even know if the side against having portals even has a good reason or are just being obtuse.
The ponies for the project should have no issue since members that are sabotaging the project are hurting those that like the project.
Marcy just cannot catch a break.
You know, I’m not against the way you chose to do this, but I’m wondering why the spell put her in a male flesh bag? I mean, that seems like a kinda uncomfortable thing to do to a young unicorn filly.