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Alrighty. Here we are at the end of the first run of chapters posted on day one. My initial intent was to post a chapter a week, but I honestly don't know how that is going to go. I'll try and keep a regular schedule, but I work, have a Husband that I like to acknowledge every once and a while and other hobbies and interests that take up my time. And the holidays are right around the corner so...
That said, what do you think so far? Should I drown my head in a vat of boiling oil for making you read seven chapters of outright trash, or, like the sand people, will you soon be back, and in greater numbers? Let me know in the comments below!!!
ok lets see where this goes
huh.... interesting start.... I'm not sure if I can yet give a full rating on the story
but so far.... I'd say there's a good chance I'll like in a few chapters. I mean, it is sufficiently different from most other genderswap fics to make it unique....
now I won't say there aren't any issues. (the most obvious one having been adressed thanks to admin intervention back around chapters 1-2)
also, maybe the fact that there seem to be a lot of characters that seem like they might not really get used in the future (like the Yaoi fangirls)
the final core issue I have is that.... I have 0 idea where this is going, now I know you said you don't know yourself where it's going but.... I'm not even sure what genre it's supposed to fit in....
now in non-critique info.....
is it normal that I feel bad for super-stalker Marcy? I mean, the world totally wants to see her fail and I can't help but actually feel bad for her which I should not feel from a stalker O_o
Interesting enough so far. I'll be watching to see how things progress. Being mostly a discovery writer myself, I certainly understand the process of where the wind might take you.
That said, you really need to have a proofreader, or even better, an editor. You have numerous minor mistakes and errors. Sometimes one mistaken letter completely changes an entire word to leave a sentence nonsensical. Fix the bulk of those errors and you'll take a huge step forward. Just giving yourself a few days to a week after completing a chapter, then reading through it again, can work wonders for stuff like that.
8088418 Awesome, thanks for your feedback!!! You are correct, I need an editor or proofreader. I probably should have waited until I was fully happy with releasing what I had instead of just going 'Dammit! I wanna get this down NOW!!!" All a part of a nice little learning curve I've got going for myself.
8088287 Yeah, it was mostly just me being tired (and maybe a bit loopy) when I put down I don't know where it is going. I DO have a plan, and it is as devious as it is cunning. Or, you know, maybe just a normal plan. But! As of the next few chapters the pace will pick up. I'm trying...? Pretending? Attempting. Let go with that. I'm Attempting to set the scene so that when things happen later it's not a sudden visit to meta town. But yes, I have now decided that my pacing sucks and I need to learn how to pace a story.
But ya' know what? I'm having a blast doing it <3
8088287 This is a TG fic? Nevermind.
Usually not too big on the TG stories but this one seems interesting. I look forward to seeing more.
I love it! Need it! MORE!
I'm officially intrigued.
Dude, you have a rather nasty case of Capital Letter-itis.
You should get that looked at.
I'm really not sure where this could go.
Ah-hah. Getting interesting.
I have read far, far worse. In fact, if you could fix all the typos, this could be a really big story. Imma keep reading.
This is getting much better.
This is pretty good! You do need a proofreader though.
I would offer my own services, but my laptop's died and I wouldn't be able to get anything done fast.
Actually, y'know what? I've been sedentary for far too long! So what if my laptop's dead! I still have a PC!
I formally offer my services as a semi-professional proofreader and editor. This story deserves some love!
8088656
A good rule of thumb to follow when you're stuck working on your own is:
I've done this myself for quite a while now. Even after connecting with a fellow author for editing assistance, I still find it useful to give some time away and coming back with rested eyes. To a certain degree, it would even be useful if you opted to carry a backlog of in-progress and finished chapters, then posting on a semi-regular schedule. This also lets you have those days of rampant muse productivity, without sacrificing error hunting once you've been away from a chapter for a bit.
As far as working solo, the only other really useful things for you are studying writing (like FiMfiction's own Writing Guide, seriously, read at least the parts of that which interest you, it helped me), and the slowest to get part: experience with writing. I've been doing my stories for a little over three years now, and the difference is like night and day from when I started. Keep plugging away, absorb what feedback you can get, and keep yourself open to how things are done in the stories you read, too.
Also, story cohesion can greatly benefit if you have an ending in mind. How journey to that destination is the fun part, but a light at the end of the tunnel helps keep you from bumping into the walls on the way.
8089507 Heh, yeah, your right. I'm still getting used to writing in a literary prose as opposed to government and legal. I'll get there!!! lol
8089271 Yep, looking back now you are 100% correct! It can go in with all the other things I'm learning about my own writing style. Keep the feedback coming!!! It's awesome <3
8089562 Please PLEASE don't hold back on pointing them out. I kinda jumped the gun on publishing the first seven chapters. They were nowhere near ready, but the mods wouldn't let me publish without them.
That goes for everyone if you don't mind. Gotta learn this whole writing a story thing somehow, and not being receptive is lazy and immature. Have at thee!!!
8090157 That WAS my plan, I initially tried to publish just the first two chapters, but was denied due to not having enough pony. That meant posting up my full backlog to satisfy the minimum pony requirement. I in no way begrudge that, and have had all the help in the world from the mods in order to get this story published.
It does unfortunately mean that I have no backlog, where previously I had a good five chapters that I could then take my time editing and posting as required.
Way to shoot myself in the foot by being too eager, I guess! All part of the learning curb. :)
Can someone inform me as to who the character in the cover is? The description and character tags don't provide me with any idea...
8090837 The character on the cover is the main character's unicorn form. I commissioned the piece from Obakawaii on dA.
I really like it! The story is mysterious and there are just enough hints sprinkled around to solve a few things. Like that cause Stuart's mom was a pony he is also part pony and now he came in contact with Magic through the portal he became a pony.
Can't wait for more!
8090904 that, however, does not answer the question how he became a mare.
As a member of OTP, I am wishing with all my heart that one day the mare who'd seemingly possessed stuart would emerge in her own body so they can bang– I mean love.
8090918 Ahhh, all will be revealed later...
8090853 The main character, apparently a male, winds up in Equestria in the body of a unicorn mare?
I don't mean to sound rude, but it might be an idea to include that in the description so people can make the connection to the cover.
8090969 More or less, but not necessarily in that order. The images correlation to the story is through the leading statement in the last sentence, and if you want to know more, please feel free to read the story <3
I read the first chapter, and from one writer to another, it came across as just a bit... plain. There was nothing that really grabbed my attention, so I wasn't really interested in reading past the first chapter. There was nothing about the characters that stood out as special or intriguing, but you can still keep my upvote. Grats on the feature too!
8090983 Thanks very much! The story is a bit slow at the start, and my pacing is a little off. All points I can take on board and help me be a better writer. Thankyou very much for your feedback and suggestions, and believe it or not, they do help immensely :)
I'm really liking this, adding it to my tracking. keep up the good work!
8091036 Thanks!!!
8090808 Hey, it looks like you spelt Stuart two different ways in the description. I haven't read the story so their might be a reason for that, but I thought I should let you know all the same.
8091104 Opps. Thanks! There is a reason behind it... I changed the spelling of his name because I liked it better spelt Stuart. And I messed up in the description. But now I can fix it! :)
I found your keys. It took two chapters, but I found them. They were in your trunk.
In the second paragraph, you use the word "joules", I think you mean "jowls", unless the guys face involves the unit for work in physics
For a first attempt, this is pretty damn good. Better than my first one, that's for sure.
I'm not usually interested in these types of stories, but this one has caught my eye. I hope this one turns out great!
Just to clarify. Does the antro tag include all ponies or just Stuart.
I thought it was the first option but after this chapter I am thinking it is the second one.
8091685 Thankyou <3
8091558 Thanks! Fixed :)
8091855 Without too many spoilers, it's mostly the second.
8091840 Thanks! I'll try to live up to everyones expectations <3
8091387 Thank you! Now all I'm missing is a clue...
Hot damn, what an update schedule! That, and the description seems to hint at a pretty interesting story.
Definitely going to give this a read later on.
I plopped down and read a couple chapters, and then I looked through the comments to see where people were on the suggestion front. I completely back the advice from ScrambledCrackers. Hell, there are times I wait a month before looking at anything again. Our brains are wired to self-correct, which is great for understanding but absolutely terrible for catching typos. Having a slow, methodical approach to pumping out edited content does wonders.
Normally, I don't hop into critical responses on the works of others. Your story is yours to tell. A lot of times I just don't think it's my damn place to impart any advice, but since you seem to be receptive (and even encouraging) of the analytical stuff, I hope you'll take my remarks to heart.
This is your first story, and damn, you joined the site less than a month ago, so there is definitely that style thing still to be found. A few things stood out to me in the early goings of this one. On a grammatical note, I caught some wandering tenses. It appears like you've settled on past tense, so it's wise to avoid random shifts to present because consistency and all that jazz. On another front, personally, I think you need a better hook than the opening scene you have. Yes, it does establish that Stuart is a business owner, but let me drop this question. If you nuked that scene, and even the second, would it have any impact on things moving forward? If it were me, I would have plopped heavily into the emotion swirling around 'holy shite, there was a landslide that unearthed some crazy magical junk.' In the 2nd chapter, it feels like you're kinda getting there. We see the debate within Stuart, and I actually have to give props here because I've read a lot of transformation stories that present this bit in a way that makes me cringe. This story managed to make me smirk at it. Still, moving back to the point, imagine if the opener conveyed such uncertainty, the curiosity, and the thrill of discovery.
I feel like I'll probably have more comments later, but it's food time and I'm le tired. :P Keep at it. ^-^
Just saw this got up to the top half of the feature box... Nice to see new authors/stories get some notice
"Let me know how hard I have failed!" Some spelling and grammar errors, but this story deserves an editor or pre-reader or whatever.
frankly the only thing that I believe separates this story from the better stories out there is it's lack of careful proofreading and editing.
Keep it up! please...
8092554 Thanks! I have bitten the bullet and got an editor on board now to help iron out all the bugs. I have no idea what I was thinking when it came to doing this and not having someone else edit it...
8092341 It WHAT! Wow... I'm gunna go hide now...
8092266 Awesome <3 I love feedback :) Mour, please guys!!! Yes, you are absolutely right. It opens SO SLOW. In hindsight, I should have fixed it earlier, but now... Oh well, it all goes into the giant bucket of things I have learnt since hitting the go button on this story. I honestly get a little giddy when I get feedback like this. There are some real 'wow' moments when I realise 'hey, yeah, that's a heaps better way of doing it!' Please keep it up <3
8092188 Thanks! Hopefully I can keep up with everyone's expectations :) I really want to make this better now!
I like it. Could use a preread though, but it's still damn good.
8092637 Glad you're digging the comments.