The Modular Merchant

by Pozzo

Chapter 2: Rarity Has a Bone to Pick

Rainbow Dash breezed through the sky at a steady pace. She could feel the cold air blowing inside the empty cavity inside her head where a brain had laid only 5 minutes earlier. It was actually a little ticklish. She giggled at the sensation. She wondered where her friends might be, and who to visit first. Applejack would be busy up at Sweet Apple Acres, Pinkie would be helping out the Cakes at the bakery, and Fluttershy was a way out at her cottage. That left Twilight and Rarity. Well, there was only one winner there. Rarity was going to freak out when she saw what Dash was sporting these days.

Dash flew down to the Carousel and landed outside. At the same time, the door opened, and out stepped a familiar trio of fillies, talking excitedly among themselves. Dash grinned. Her first admirers! She tried her best to play it cool, not wanting to seem too pleased with herself. She adopted a casual post as the CMC came towards her, unaware of her presence.

“Hey, girls!” she said. “What’s up?

“Oh hey, Rainbow Dash!” said Scootaloo immediately, looking up excitedly. “We were just going…to…”

She was still smiling, but as she looked up and seen the brainless pegasus, her words stuttered and halted in her throat. Beside her, Sweetie Belle and Applebloom first looked back at their now silent friend, then back up at Rainbow Dash. Sweetie Belle turned pale, which is impressive when you’re already white to begin with, while Applebloom squinted and stared hard at the site in front of her. Rainbow Dash’s grin grew. Heh, they’re totally speechless.

“Heh, what’s the matter? Notice anything…unusual about me?” she said, drawing out the word “unusual” like it was a delicious treat to be savoured. Her question was met with silence from the three stunned fillies. Rainbow wondered if she had perhaps been irresponsible showing a jacket this awesome to unprepared fillies. Eventually though, Applebloom spoke.

“Uh…well, to be honest, Rainbow Dash…yeah, ah kinda did. You’re-“

“-Wearing the most awesome jacket ever, right? I mean look at this thing!” said Rainbow, practically pirroureting to show her jacket off. “The flames, the texture, that awesome design on the back. It’s what I’ve always wanted!”

The blue Pegasus turned her back and hovered off the ground to display the back in all of its glory. As she did so she seen Lyra and Bonbon walking on the other side of the street. Bonbon was holding a basket in her mouth, and Lyra was talking excitedly to her friend. She looked up and seen Dash, and gasped out loud. Bonbon noticed this and and looked at where the unicorn was staring. When she seen Dash, she too froze. Dash waved a hoof as Bonbon’s basket dropped to the ground, it’s contents of sweets spilling out over the road. Hah, what a goof, Dash thought.

She turned back around. Sweetie Belle must have a cold or something, because she really wasn’t looking very well, all shivering and wide eyed. Scootaloo was still staring straight ahead, locked in a smile, as if someone had pressed an off switch. Applebloom was waving a hoof in front of her face, trying to get a reaction from her malfunctioning friend.

“Well, what do you think?” asked Rainbow. “Be honest. Don’t be scared of going overboard.”

“Well…uh, to be honest, I want to ask about-“

“You look awesome!” said Scotaloo, springing into life again. She still had a kind of manic grin on her face. “Yeah, awesome as ever, Rainbow Dash!”
“Scotaloo, don’t you think that it’s weird that-“

“No, nothing weird here, haha!” interrupted the orange filly, forcefully. “She looks great, can’t you see?”

“Rainbow Dash…what happened?” Asked Sweetie Belle, uneasily. “Your…your-“

“-As awesome as ever, ok?”

“Scootaloo, I know this must be strange for you, but you need to admit that she’s missing her-“

“Stop it, everything’s fine!” shouted Scootaloo. “Right, Rainbow Dash?”

“Uh…yeah?” said Dash, who was wondering what had freaked the filly out so badly.

“See, she’s fine! In fact, you look so great, that…that I want to look just like that! She’s a trendsetter! Come on girls, let’s go find a saw!”

“But-“

Scootaloo wraped her hooves around her friends mouths and marched them away, still loudly declaring how great Rainbow looked. Rainbow watched them go, laughing to herself. Those fillies sure could be strange. I mean, what’s a saw got to do with a jacket? Unless she meant the whole “selling her brain” thing. Nah, why would they be focused on that when she had her sweet jacket for them to focus on? I mean, one’s a non-issue, and the other is flat-out radical! Maybe she had just misheard Scotaloo. Maybe she had said “store”. Yeah, that was probably it.

At any rate, Dash entered the Boutique and went up the stairs to find Rarity. She could hear the unicorn humming a merry tune to herself. Good, that meant she was in a good mood. Well, she was going to be in an even better one soon. Assuming she didn’t get jealous. Dash wondered if that weird shopkeeper had any spares. In a selfish way, she hoped not. If everyone had this jacket then it wouldn’t be half as cool anymore.

Rainbow found Rarity bent over a drawing board. She was sketching some new design. Rainbow smiled and walked into the room, knocking on the door with her hoof as she came in.

“Yo, Rarity!”

“Oh, Rainbow Dash, how nice of you to drop in” said Rarity, not looking up from her work. “Just give me a moment, I’m working on some new designs at the moment, I need to get them just right.”
“Oh, sure, I can wait. But you’re gonna want to see this. I just bought myself the greatest thing ever.”

“Oh? That sounds lovely.” Said Rarity. “Hmmm…was it more of a...no, no, that's not been in fashion for months, you fool! Think, Rarity!"

Rainbow leaned against the wall on her side as Rarity worked, growing visibly more annoyed as Rarity continued to sketch, the sound of pencil on paper and the faint hum of magic filling the room.

“So, uh, if you’d just look up…”

“Yes, yes, five minutes tops, darling. I’m in the zone. Can't quite get these ideas down...no, not like that, it was more...hmmmph..."

Rainbow groaned. She knocked her head against the wall out of frustration. It made a, well, hollow tone. Amused, she repeated the action. Then again. This earned her an annoyed snort from Rarity, but she still did not look up from her work. Bored, Dash looked around the room, before her eyes widened. A large mirror stood in the corner. She hadn’t had a chance to check herself out since her little trade-now was the perfect opportunity.
Rainbow hovered over to the mirror. Yup, there it was, looking as rad as she had imagined it was look on her. She twirled around a few times, observing herself from different angles, and admiring the logo on the back. “Born to Fly”, it read. It was just so her. If Rainbow Dash had been born a jacket, it would have been this jacket. Well, obviously it might have had to have some Rainbow stuff on it to match her mane-

Hey, wait a minute…

“Aww man, my mane’s missing! Bummer.”

It took a good few seconds for Rarity to process this statement. The subsequent confusion was what finally made her sit up and take notice.

“Your mane’s…missing? What on earth do you mean by thaAAAAAA!”

The unicorn sprang up from her chair and pointed a dramatic, trembeling hoof at Rainbow.
“Darling, your….you…”

She took a deep breath, trying to compose herself, before continuing.

“Your mane’s gone! Your practically bald!”

“I know, I know” said Rainbow, wincing. “I just realised there. I must have left it back at the store. Man, am I an airhead sometimes” sighed the brainless pony, smacking her hoof against her hollow skull and producing that hollow tone again.

“Store?”

“Yeah, there’s this new store in town. It’s where I got this jacket from. Isn’t it sweet?”

“Yes yes, it’s very..um…it’s very you” said Rarity, as diplomatically as she could. “But I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me. Tell me more about this store…”

Rainbow spent five minutes or so explaining how she found the shop, about Clearheart, and the deal that she had made. She had to pause occasionally when Rarity started butting in and asking trivial questions like “You sold your what?”, or “Sorry, but why would you do that?”, or “How is this even possible?” Honestly, Dash was pretty annoyed that her friend wasn’t focusing on the real story, aka her incredibly cool bomber jacket. Normally Rarity all about fashion, she’d talk about it all the time. Now Dash finally has something fashion-related to show off, and she just wants to talk about business and stuff. Typical.

“Well, Rainbow, as your friend I have to say that I think you’ve been rather irresponsible. What would Twilight say if she heard all of this?”

“I honestly don’t see the big deal here.” Said Rainbow, throwing up her hooves in frustration. “Like, I made a trade and I’m happy with it. You should go visit, I bet you’ll find something awesome there too, she looked like she had all kinds of neat stuff.”

“Well, I doubt very much that I’ll be purchasing anything, but…I may go have a friendly conversation with this Clearheart mare. About ethics in business and all that.”

“Ok, sure. Hey, if you’re going down there, can you pick up my mane while you’re there? It should still be attached to the top of my head

“Actually I’d rather like you to come with me. I’m sorry Rainbow Dash, but you should really trade that thing back in. This simply won’t do.”
“I’m not trading this baby back in, even for two brains, ok?”

“Well, at least let me lend you a hat or something.” Said Rarity. Dash had to concede that Rarity had a point there. At the very least it would stop ponies gawking at her open skull and let them focus on the right thing. They went next door and tried on a variety of headwear. Top hats, sun hats, boaters, those ones with all the fruit on them that rich mares sometimes wore for some strange reason; they tried a fez but there was no top part of the head to rest it on, so it just ended up sitting in the pegasus’s empty head, the top just about visible over the rim of her skull. Eventually Dash settled for a fedora. She checked herself out in the mirror again. Yes, this was a great idea. An awesome flame-patterned bomber jacket and a classy fedora, truly the outfit of one cool customer.

“Well, it’s certainly an improvement.” Said Rarity. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?”

“Thanks Rarity, but yeah I’m pretty sure.”

“Well, you’re a grown mare, I won’t force you. Now, where was this shop again?”

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Rarity stood outside Clearheart’s shop, studying the exterior and frowning. It looked rather ugly to her sensibilities. What sort of shop took brains as payments, after all? Well, if this shopkeeper dared ask for hers, she would give that mare a piece of her mind, alright.

The door opened suddenly, and out stepped a grey Pegasus with a light blonde mare and bubbles for a cutie mark. There was a blue bag slung over her shoulders. It was, for all intents and purposes, the towns local mailmare Derpy Hooves. But most people recognized her from those trademark crossed golden eyes. They were now missing. Two empty sockets stared out from her usual dopey, smiling face. Rarity gasped in surprise at the sight-if she did’t have the proper context she probably would have screamed.

“Derpy, dear?”

“Oh, hello Rarity!” said the now blind Pegasus, cheerfully waving in the direction of the voice.

“How did you know it was me?”

“Because you have that funny way of talking!”

“Funny way of…oh, nevermind. Have you…sold your eyes?”

“Just there!” nodded Derpy.

“May I ask why?”

Derpy put on her thinking face. If she still had her eyes, and if they were responding particularly well, they would have been rolling up as she thought.

“Well, I hadn’t seen this place before, so I wanted to come say hi! And the lady was very nice, and noticed my eyes, and she said that they were very nice eyes which made me go all red and warm-“-she stopped in mid-sentence, blushing at the memory of the compliment, before continuing-“because, you know, everpony usually makes fun of them, and they never really work very well…”

“It’s ok darling. I always thought they were rather endearing. Characterful, really” assured Rarity, with sincerity.

“Aww, thanks. Anyway, Ms. Clearheart looked at them for a moment, then asked if I was looking for anything, so I said that I was pretty ok but then she showed me this!”

Derpy reached into her bag and produced a long, aqua coloured object,smooth and gleaming, and which tapered off to a blunt point. In fact, it looked awfully like…

“A horn? From a unicorn, no less?”

Derpy nodded happily. “That’s right! I can do magic now! Watch!”

She took the horn in her mouth and pointed up at the sky.

“Avmph kehdhmpa!” she said through a mouthful of horn. A few sparks tapered up meekly from the horn, briefly illuminating them both. Derpy took the thing out of her mouth and smiled sheepishly.

“I…need practice, haha. But well, Dinky has a horn, and maybe she could show me how to use it? I think she’d like that.”

Hmm. That was actually rather sweet, thought Rarity. She was still quietly terrified at the thought of a Derpy Hooves allowed to use magic, especially one that couldn’t aim, but it was still sweet nevertheless. Derpy popped the horn back in her bag before making her leave, flying off. To be honest, having no eyes didn’t seem to make much of a difference in her flying, which was always erratic. Rarity watched her go, not sure how to feel about all of this, before reminding herself why she was here. She had to be tough, for her friends sake. And whatever happens, she can’t give into temptation. She walked into the store.

The door closed with a thump behind Rarity as she approached the desk. A mare-presumably Clearheart-was busy putting something in a glass jar.
“Excuse me, are you the owner of this store?” asked Rarity. The maroon-coloured mare turned around, and Rarity could now see what was in the jar-a pair of eyes, golden and empty.

“Ah, hello there. Yes, my name is Clearheart, and I am indeed the owner. How may I help you?”

“Well, you can start by giving those right back to me. I also believe you have something that belongs to a very good friend of mine. Now I must insist that you return her mane post-haste." Rarity paused for a moment before adding "And her brain as well, I suppose."

Clearheart stared at her for a second or so, slightly taken aback by the white unicorn’s hostile attitude. Then she put two and two together, closed her eyes, and sighed.

“Ah, of course. You’re referring to Rainbow Dash, correct? We did business not very long ago. Is she unhappy with her trade?”

“Well…no…” admitted Rarity, hesitating for a moment. “But that’s not the point. You can’t just…take ponies body parts like that. It’s just not the done thing, darling.”

“I agree”

“Yes, but-pardon?”

“You’re right. You can’t just “take” some ponies precious body parts. That’s wrong, and frankly unhygienic. “ said the shopkeeper calmly, as she carefully laced the jar of eyeballs on the shelf behind her. “Bu that’s not really what I’m doing here, is it? I didn’t just “take” anything. We traded. Both of us were happy with our respective deals. Is that wrong?”

Rarity stared at Clearheart, who looked the very picture of earnest composure, like she was explaining something completely obvious and unarguable. Rarity wanted to argue, but she had to admit that this mare had a point. Clearheart, perhaps sensing that she had gained the upper hand, pressed her advantage.

“And of course, while I wouldn’t make anyone trade against their will, I find that everypony has something they’re willing to lose, if the price is right. For instance…let me just look into your eyes for a moment.”

Rarity let her do so, trying to compose a winning argument in her head while she did so. If all else fails she could always just whine at her until she gave the important parts back. Before she could warm up her whining voice though, the shopkeeper smirked with sudden confidence.

“Ah, yes, of course. You’re the creative type, aren’t you? I can see the passion in your eyes. I think I have just the thing for you.”

“If you think that I’m interested in bartering with you then you are sorely mistaken” said Rarity, as the mysterious unicorn disappeared into the back. “I have simply came to collect what you owe my friend. I’ll bring back that hideous jacket of course, fairs fair.”

She was met only with the sound of Clearheart rustling through who-knew-what.

“You better be looking for Rainbow’s brain. And the top of her head while you’re at it. Technically you never bought that you know. That was rather unethical of you-“

The door to the back opened, and Clearheart returned with a small box. Too small for a pegasus brain-even if it was Rainbow Dash’s, thought Rarity. The shopkeeper opened the box. Inside was what looked for all intents and purposes like a normal pen. It was a fancy fountain one, sure, but ultimately just a pen. Rarity looked up at Clearheart with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m not impressed.”

“You will be. This is no ordinary pen.”

“Oh, does it use red ink?”

“Let me show you, Take it.”

Rarity reluctantly held the pen in her magic as Clearheart produced some paper from under the counter.
“Now, you are a creative type, no?”

“Well…yes, if I do say so myself. I’ve made a few decent designs in my time” admitted Rarity. “I’m making something of a name for myself in the world of fashion.”

“Wonderful. Well, have you any new designs in mind right now?”
“Well, I was working on something earlier. I couldn’t quite get it right, to be honest. It was a sort of…hmm?”

Rarity noticed that the pen had started move of its own accord. She let it go, and it moved towards the paper on the counter. It blurred across the page almost too fast to see. When it stopped, Rarity looked down in amazement. There on the paper was an exquisitely detailed design for an opulent ball gown.

“Why…that’s exactly what I had in my head when I thought of it! I was having trouble really getting the gist of it onto paper, and I was torn between that and-oh, there it goes. Yes, yes that’s exactly it!”

“Indeed. That pen will take whatever creative impulse you can imagine and transcribe it perfectly onto paper, almost instantly. I believe some old unicorn up in Canterlot designed it way back when-the exact details elude me, sadly-but I feel the results speak for themselves.”

Rarity looked down in rapture, almost lightheaded with glee. It was like a chain reaction had went off in her brain-all of those half-formed ideas she had ever had could be turned into full ones! Her productivity would soar! It was the ultimate creative tool. And it could be hers…Rarity felt a cold sweat on her forehead. She knew that she must have it. Clearheart had won. And she couldn’t exactly turn around and ask for a refund for Dash after she completed the deal. Oh, she was probably being a terrible friend…but she was sure that Rainbow would understand. As Clearheart said, it’s not like she was unhappy with the deal, right? Everypony’s winning, right?

“…Ok, you win. I want-no, need, that marvelous pen of yours. Name your price and get on with it so I can get back to the boutique with it.”

“Well…hmmm…I take it you’re not one for physical labour, right? You strike me as a pony who enjoys luxury.”

“Darling, you’re ability to read ponies is most impressive, I will give you that” giggled Rarity. “Yes, I suppose I am a creature of comfort, so to speak.”
“I thought so. Well, I’ve decided. Just to be clear, you’re happy to give up anything?”

“…Yes” said Rarity, a little uneasy about that question, but still set on securing the pen.

“Wonderful. Could you look the other way a moment, please?”

Rarity turned her head around.

“No, I mean turn around, please. Thank you. Now just stare at the door for a little while.”

There was a series of loud rustling noises, and the sound of something clanging against the counter. Then there was the unmistakable glow of magic, and Rarity felt a very strange mix of cold numbness and warmth spread across her body.

“What on earth are you doing back theeeEEEEA!”

Rarity stood bolt upright as she felt something long and hard press against her tailhole. She looked around, furious, to see Clearheart sticking some sort of large metal tube inside her rear. It was pushed inside a little more, causing Rarity to wince and gasp at the sensation of being stretched back there. The tube was attached to an equally large hose, which disappeared down the counter and into the back of the store. Rarity stared wordlessly at the shopkeeper, who simply shrugged

“This might feel a little strange, but don’t worry. You’ll feel very relaxed afterwords.”

Before Rarity could reply, a switch was pressed, and a loud noise began to sound. True to the shopkeeper’s word, Rarity started to feel very strange indeed. It wasn’t painful per se, but Rarity was smart enough to know what having your insides being sucked out through your butt would probably feel like, and this was what it felt like. Her lower body started to lose its shape as bones were sucked down the tube and away, her legs dangling like they were made of rubber. All the unicorn could do was stare straight ahead and hope it was over soon as she felt her torso start to collapse into itself. The only parts of her not disappearing into the tube was her skin and fur.

Rarity suddenly felt her head start to be tugged backwards, and then she felt it deflate like a sad balloon. The whirring sound from the machine stopped, and the now empty skin of the white unicorn flopped onto the floor, looking like an exotic rug. Rarity groaned on the floor, thankful that she could still at the very least perform such a simple task. She heard the sound of hooves walking towards and, and soon Clearheart was staring over her, holding the small box with the pen inside in one hoof.

“Sorry, but I thought that If I had mentioned that I wanted your skeleton, you might have protested. I feel your organs would only get in the way so I’ll just take those too and throw in some inkwells for free. I’m not so bad, right?”

She picked up Rarity with her magic, holding her to her face. Rarity noticed that she could at still see and hear as well. She wondered if this was to do with that spell Clearheart had cast. Did she still evne have eyes? What sort of magic was this anyway? Twilight would want to know, no doubt.

“Anyway” continued Clearheart, “now no one’s going to be asking you to do any heavy lifting in the future, that’s for sure. Oh, and you still have your horn by the way. Would be a pretty unfair trade otherwise, right?”

“How…thoughtful…” managed Rarity. In truth, she didn’t feel super angry so much as incredibly relaxed, like she was in the middle of a particularly good massage. It was hard to stay mad in such a state. And besides-she had the pen now. Who needs bones when you’re going to be a god of dress designs?

As she ruminated on this, Clearheart opened up the boneless unicorns mouth and deposited the box into it, followed by the promised ink bottles. Then she started to roll her up like a blanket. Rarity wanted to squirm at the sensation, which felt rather intimate, but was powerless to resist as Clearheart rolled her up tight. The maroon mare placed the rolled up unicorn on her back, and stepped out behind the counter and towards the door. She felt like she could at least drop her customer off at her home. Besides, it was time for a lunch break anyway. It had been a busy first day, all right.

Comments

[Draco Dei]

She still needs to return the top of Rainbow's head...

[unfortunately yiff]

Uhhh lemme have that unicorn 🅱oneless