The Modular Merchant

by Pozzo

Chapter 3: Pinkie's Trunk Show

The boutique seemed very quiet, and it could be a rather scary place when it was dark and quiet. Mannequins staring silently at looming walls, the odd discarded item scattered around in a fit of creative passion…but then again, lots of places seemed scary to Fluttershy when they were quiet. Lots of places seemed scary to Fluttershy when they were noisy too. So you should take her opinions on these matters with a pinch of salt.

At any rate, she stood inside the entrance to the seemingly deserted building wondering where everypony had gone. Neither Sweetie Bell nor Rarity had answered her when she had knocked, and even after she had entered and called out their names, there had been no reply. She had hoped to have tea with her and catch up-she hadn’t cancelled without telling her, had she?

As she worriedly chewed on her hair, the yellow Pegasus heard a noise from upstairs. It was a low sound, almost inaudible, but it was constant and impossible to ignore once you had heard it. Summoning her courage, Fluttershy slowly, ever so slowly and carefully, climbed the steps up to the first floor of the boutique. The sound only got louder as she got closer to its source, which seemed to be Rarities own room. It was almost like the sound of somepony scribbling pen on paper.

“Rarity? Is that you?” she said. The scribbling stopped abruptly.

“O-oh…Fluttershy? Don’t come in now!” came Rarities voice, sounding flustered.

“Is everything alright?”

“Er, darling, I’m afraid that I’m…er….not feeling well. Yes, that’s it. Terrible cold.”

There was a pause.

“A-choo. Excuse me.” Added Rarity.

“Oh dear. Have you been to the doctor about it?”

“N-no, not yet…”

“Well, I’m going to come in and check on you-“

“No! I mean, no, no need, haha! You might catch it yourself!”

“Oh it’s ok, I just want to quickly check on you.”

“W…well alright, just give me a quick second!”

There was the sound of magic, then a sound that was hard to fully place-like the sound of a folding blanket, but not quite the same. Then came the sound of something heavy hitting the bed, followed by the rustling of quilts.

“…there, she’ll never know.”

“What was that?”

“Um,I said come in now!”

Fluttershy opened the door. Rarity was in bed, wearing a sleeping mask and with her hair mostly obscuring her head. Fluttershy walked over to her. She was looking very still.

“Were you sleeping?”

“Oh, yes, sound asleep. In fact I’m actually very tired right now. Yawn. So…”

Fluttershy cocked her head.

“Rarity…your mouth looks funny. Like there’s something inside it. And you can't just say "yawn" without actually yawning."

“Oh?” said the unicorn, weakly.

“And you’re lying very still. Why are your arms and legs sticking out like that?”

Rarity considered her answer for a moment.

“That’s how I always sleep, darling.”

“Really? I don’t remember that."

“Well, I do. Now, I’m clearly not very well, we’ll meet some other time-“

“Oh, what are these?”

Fluttershy noticed that there was a lot of paper by Rarities desk. Walking over, she seen what must have been tens and tens of different designs for all sorts of dresses, outfits, ensemble pieces, show outlines, and so on.

“Wow, some of these look really good, Rarity! Did you do these before you got sick?” said the Pegasus, moving what looked like an empty mannequin stand out of the way. She looked at it, wondering what it was doing here, before turning back to the desk.

“Ehehehe..heh…well, yes. Maybe. ” said the bedridden unicorn, who stared blankly ahead . Fluttershy continued to appreciate her friends good work. “And you like them, you say?”

“I love this retro Manehatten style you have for these ones. And this one, it looks like it would feel so summery and warm! Did you pick that up from the show in Canterlot last year?”

“Why yes, what an excellent eye you have! I had a few more in mind. Oh here, let me show you what I was working on before you came up.”
“But I thought you were sick-“

Flutteshy watched as Rarity got out of bed. She didn’t climb out like a normal pony, but rather seemed to levitate out, arms and legs still sticking out fully extended. She continued to look as still as a statue, and it became apparent that Rarity was using her magic to move, rather than her muscles. Rarity plopped down in front of the desk.

“Now, let me show you a particular design that I think sell really well if-oh, drat.”

Rarity had tied to pick up a rather fancy looking pen, and in doing so released herself from her own magic. Unable to keep her balance on her unnaturally poised legs, slowly fell onto her side, rocking on the spot. Fluttershy shook her head, completely befuddled at her friends strange behaviour.

“Rarity, is there something that your perhaps not telling me? It’s ok, you can tell me anything. We’re friends, right?”

Rarity sighed on her spot on the floor.

“Yes, I suppose I’m being silly hiding it. I suppose I was just a little self-conscious about it.”

“About what?”

“Well, I’ve lost a bit of weight, darling, so to speak.”

“Really? I don’t understand. Why are you standing so still? And you don’t look that much skinnier, if you don’t mind me saying…”

“Here, let me show you. “

Rarity’s horn glowed once more, and her mouth opened wide. Very wide. Very, very, very wide, actually. Something was coming out of it. Fluttershy watched, entranced, as the head of a mannequin forced its way out of her friends mouth, followed in short order by the rest of it. Rarity’s body deflated more and more until it was nothing more than a heap of skin and fur on the ground, the horn sticking up and still glowing as the mannequin was floated onto the empty stand.

When she was done, Rarity tuned the magic back onto herself, lifting herself so that she was roughly facing her terrified friend. She was formless and alien, and yet her face was still her own, her blue eyes looking out, full of intelligence. Her lips somehow formed themselves into an uneasy smile.

“Well? Notice a difference now?”

With a sort of grace, Flutteshy fainted onto the carousal floor.

“I’ll take that as a yes, then.”

======================================================================================

In the middle of town, surrounded by gawkers, Rainbow Dash cursed her own stupidity.

Not because she was regretting her purchase or anything. Her new jacket wasn’t completely awesome, because it clearly was. And not because she missed her brain. She clearly hadn’t been using it, and in a way there was a certain pleasure in being literally empty headed-a weight had been removed from her shoulders, quite literally. No one could expect her to do much thinking from now on. She could just point a hood at her empty head, and they’d be like, ”Oh yeah, you’re excused Rainbow Dash, and by the way that jacket is way cool”. Even leaving her skullcap behind on Clearheart’s counter, while unfortunate, was not a deal breaker as far as she was concerned. No harm done, really.

But having been given a fedora from Rarity, and then almost immediately doff it at the first wave she had gotten, had been a real air-headed move, brainless or not. Especially given that the town was now pretty busy, and nearly everypony had gotten a good glimpse of the inside of her head. Now, instead of the unrelenting flow of compliments her jacket so richly deserved, she was just getting stares. Not stares of awe. The sort of stare you get when you’ve got a milk moustache, only times by a hundred. It was frustrating as all heck to the hot-blooded Pegasus. She hoped Rarity would be back with it soon, otherwise she’d have to go back there herself and pick it up herself.

“Rainbow Dash! Come over here!”

Oh, no. Here she comes. Rainbow gulped nervously as she heard Twilight’s voice rise over the crowd of onlookers that had gathered around her. Rainbow flew up and spotted the alicorn standing next to Pinkie, looking agitated. Rainbow flew over, deflated.
“Hey Twi, hey Pinks….” She said. Twilight gave her a Look, which put the Pegasus on the defensive.

“Ok,ok, I get it! No brain! I’m a grown mare, I can make my own decisions.”

“That’s right, Rainbow, even really bad ones!”

“Not you too, Pinkie, I thought you’d have my back on this one!”

“Rainbow.” Said Twilight, “I’m not mad or anything. I’m just…really really confused. Why? How? When?”

“Look, can we get away from all these ponies before I talk about it? I’m feeling like a freak, here!”

“Then perhaps you shouldn’t sell your freaking brain you are so dense sometimes!”

The group made their way out of the crowd and back towards the blessed seclusion of Twilight’s castle. Once inside, Rainbow started to relay her story.

“That place sounds fun!” said Pinkie. “I bet she must have all sorts of crazy stories to tell if that was her job!”

“It sounds dangerous, Pinkie. I’m not sure I can just sit by and let this sort of thing happen. ..wait, did you say Rarity went down to that shop?”

“Oh yeah, she wasn’t gonna buy anything though. She was just going to go yell at Clearheart I think. And pick up the top of my head. I, uh, kinda left it there by accident.”

“So you’re saying that she might be in danger, to?” asked Twilight, choosing to be lenient and not chew out her friend over that last detail. Rainbow groaned and rubbed her eyes in frustration.

“Twi, nopony is in “danger” here! I’m fine! F-I-N, fine!”

“…”

“..What?”

“Look, I think we should go check to be sure. Pinkie, you can-“

“Go check out the store, no problem!” said Pinkie, with suspicious enthusiasm. Twilight eyed her.

“Now Pinkie, please don’t be a Rainbow Dash and do something you’ll regret, ok?”

“Okey Dokey Lokey! See ya!”

With that, the pink earth pony sped out of the shop. Rainbow snickered.

“Heh, she’s totally gonna sell something.”

“Hmm, guess it’s too late to stop her if she really wants to. Well, at any rate, let’s go check out the boutique in case she’s there. I’m sure she’s fine though. She wouldn’t do something crazy just to gain material wealth, right?”

The two ponies made eye contact as they ruminated on this rather questionable assertion.

“…she’ll have sold something” they both said,almost at once. Dash facehoofed herself hard. Too hard, it turned out, because the force knocked her eyes back into her head so that they were rolling around the inside of her skull cavity like marbles. This made her incredibly dizzy, and eventually she fell over, her eyes rolling away into the corridors.

Twilight Sparkle took a deep breath. She felt that her patience was going to be severely tested today, and hoped that no one else had made any foolish decisions.

===============================================================================================

Scootaloo thought about the foolish decision she had just made.

“I can’t believe this didn’t work.” She thought.

“Well, it sure didn’t” came Applebloom’s voice, vaguely to her left. It was hard to tell; her senses were all a little out of whack right now. She could only see darkness, her sense of smell was non-existant, and the only feeling was a sort of overwhelming dampness around her.

“I told you this was a bad idea.” Chimed in Sweetie Belle. “I don’t know how Dash did it, but it wasn’t how we did it.”

“Yeah, we know that now, much good as it does us.” Agreed Scootaloo. “Hey, it’s funny how we can still interact like this at least.”
“Maybe it’s because we’re so close together or something. I dunno. I ain’t no brain surgeon.” Suggested Applebloom.

“You can say that again.”

“Hey, I just did the sawing, you’re the one that put us in here!”

“I only did it because Scotaloo practically forced us too!”

“Hey, I didn’t force anypony! You all agreed!”

“Did not!”

The argument began in earnest. Not that anyone else watching would have heard anything. All they would have seen were three brains floating in a big jar filled with some sort of potion, sat next to the motionless, brainless bodies of three fillies.

===================================================================================

Pinkie opened the door to the shop and called out Clearhearts name. The maroon unicorn showed up calm as ever, wiping away the crumbs of her sandwich with a handkerchief.

“Why hello there. Welcome to my humble trade store. How can I assist you!”

“Hi there! My name’s Pinkie Pie, and welcome to PONYVILLE!”

Confetti simply appeared as Pinkie blew a party horn in celebration. Clearheart, though conscious that she would probably have to clean up that confetti later, smiled and nodded in quiet, sincere appreciation.

“You’re very kind. I like this place. Everypony has been very agreeable.”

“Yup, that’s Ponyville! Always so agreeable! Anyhoo, I got asked to check and see if a friend of mine has been in? Have you served a really pretty, white unicorn? Blue eyes, diamond cutie mark? Talks ever so posh, like this?” asked Pinkie, doing the last part in a rather impressive imitation.

“Ah yes, I do believe I know the very pony you mean. We did business a short time ago.”

“Aha! I knew it!” said Pinkie, triumphantly. “What did she sell? Oh, can I ask that? It’s kinda snoopy of me, but I need to know!”

“Well…I suppose you’ll find out anyway if you’re her friend…” mused Cleaheart. “Here, let me show you something of hers.”

She ducked briefly down and rooted around in an unseen bag, before popping up holding Rarities skull in her hooves. Pinkie’s eyes lit up.

“That is sooo cool, and kinda gross, but soo cool! Can I touch it, can I can I? Promise I won’t steal it!”

Clearhear giggled at Pinkie’s interest and handed her the skull. It felt heavier than she had expected when holding it in her own hooves. Pinkie twirled it around, then struck a dramatic pose with it.

“To be…or not to be…”

“Ah, a student of Hayspeare?”

“Who?”

“Nevermind. May I…?”

Pinkie nodded and cheerfully handed her friends skull back to the shopkeeper, who tucked it away back into the bag beneath the counter.

“Thank you. Yes, she traded her skeleton for a magical pen. I think she seemed happy with the deal.”

“She sold her own skeleton! Wow, talk about spineless! Get it?”

They laughed.

“She always was…humur-less!”

There was a slightly less enthusiastic laugh.

“You really ribbed her off!” continued Pinkie. Clearheart chucked politely.

“Yes, I can see what you’re doing-“

“Bones!”

“Are you done?”

“Yeah, think so.”

“Well, anyway, I’m glad you have such an open mind about all of this.” Said Clearheart.

“Haha yup, just like my friend Rainbow Dash!”

“Aha, yes. Of course, you’re welcome to make a trade as well. Let me just…have a look at you.”

“Ooo, spooky!” said Pinkie, as the unicorn stared deeply into her eyes. She eventually nodded to herself.

“Hmm, not what I would have guessed…you’re passionate about cooking, am I right? Baking, particularly?”

“Ooo, did you read my mind?” asked Pinkie.

“Not…exactly. I’m just good a reading ponies, shall we say. At any rate, give me a moment…”

After said moment, Clearheart placed a collection of baking equipment on the counter. There was a golden bowl, a silver-coloured wooden spoon, cookie cutters shaped like ponies and various animals, and a recipe book. Pinkie looked down at it all curiously.

“Oh my god…basic baking equipment!”

“Ah, but really it’s so much more than that-“

“Take my brain!”

Clearheart blinked as Pinkie shoved a pink, winkly blob under her muzzle. She looked up a Pinkie, who’s head was still in one piece.
“How…but…I’ve not even told you what it does!”

“Oh, sorry. Got carried away.” Said Pinkie. She shoved the organ roughly into her ear again, making a popping sound as it went in. “Carry on!” Clearheart wasn’t flustered by much, but she had to take a breath before continuing.

“Right…as I was saying, this baking equipment was created by a lonely baker a long time ago. She didn’t have many friends, so she decided to make her own. Or rather…bake them. As long as you follow her instructions in that recipe book, anything you make with this kit will come to life.”

“Amazing! Take my brain!”

“Please stop doing that, I use magic to do the trading. Your way is, how should I say…unsanitary.”

“Sorry, sorry!”

Clearheart waited for Pinkie to fix herself, wondering how on earth she was managing that and not falling into a coma, before continuing.
“Legend has it that the mare in question even made a life-sized assistant with careful use of the bowl, over many days of baking. If you’re skilled, I’m sure you can find similar uses. And as for payment”-Clearheart managed to cut in before Pinkie could scoop her brain out again-“Well…lets see…” The shopkeeper studied her prospective buyer carefully before nodding. “Ah yes. Well, you’ll need your legs to cook with, and your head to see with-“

“And to taste with!”

“Indeed. So how about I take the rest?”

“You mean…my middle?”

“Yes, I think that will work. I think a pony like you could manage.”

“Sure! Let’s do it!” said Pinkie, having commited to the deal long ago. Clearheart nodded, and flashed her horn, casting her magic over the earth pony. She…probably didn’t need it, thought Clearheart, but better safe than sorry. She ducked under the desk to find a suitable tool for the job. There was a knife, a saw, pizza cutter, comically oversized hoover, chainsaw…ah yes, a sword. A touch of elegance would be nice. She picked it up and reappeared.

“Now, this might sting a little-huh?”

“Here you are, one torso!” said Pinkie. Her torso was lying on the counter, with not even a mark to show that anything had been lost. It was still breathing somehow, its chest rising and falling rapidly, the tail waving back and forth. Clearheart looked down at the floor, where Pinkie’s head was being held up by her own hooves, which bounced up and down excitedly.

“…Thank you. Pinkie Pie, you are a…remarkable individual.” Said Clearheart, truthfully. Then she noticed something else on the counter, and sighed. “Did you give me your brain again, too? I didn’t even ask for it”

“Yup! Well, the other two did, so it only seems fair!”

“Oh…fine, I’m sure I can find a buyer. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome! Ooh, I should introduce you to everyone later on, I bet they’d love to talk to someone like you! And then we can party!”
“We’ll see.” Said the unicorn, simply. “Well, thank you. Here’s the set.”

She handed it down, and each limb grabbed hold of a different set, with Pinkie’s mouth clutching the spoon. She mumbled a goodbye before all five parts of her hopped out of the store, ideas already forming in her head.

Comments

[Blank89]

Oh my, Pinkie really isn't a very good salespony, is she?

[The Radiance]

8023958
She is enthusiastic

[Vampire king Jonathan]

Pinkie pie you are insane