A new merchant in town offers a unique range of rare and highly deseriable items. They cost an arm and a leg. And other parts.
Rainbow Dash finds a new shop in town that sells all sorts of rare items. All the shopkeeper asks in return is that you sell of something of yours in return. Soon it becomes Ponyville's biggest new talking point, as ponies weigh up exactly what they'd consider loosing in return for fulfilling their hearts desires.
A silly, largely SFW story that deals with modularity, aka detachable body parts. Full on cartoon logic for most of it. May include NSFW chapters as side stories that are basically "non canon"
It was a warm summer day in Ponyville. The skies were clear and open. Dash knew this of course-she had helped clear the clouds out earlier. But she was always one to relish a job well done. Sometimes when she was gliding low over the earth on a day like this, she would tune out and stare up into the azure ocean above her, and enjoy the calmness of it all. It was like she could empty her mind of all the stress and worries she felt and launch into all that empty space. Sometimes of course, this did lead to the occasional near-miss with other pegasi and/or flying objects, but for the most part it was an enjoyable moment of bliss to enjoy all by herself.
Dash was heading to town to buy herself a treat. She didn’t know what yet, but that was the fun of it. She had a little money on her and hey, why not? You’ve got to be good to yourself. Rarity was a big believer in that, and though they didn’t agree on every little thing, the unicorn seemed right on the money on that regard. Besides, Dash had earned it, what with all the Friendship stuff she did with Twilight, Wonderbolt work and helping to clear clouds. Yeah, she’d definitely earned the right to go and blow some money on something cool.
The market was quieter than usually, especially for such a nice day. Rainbow Dash had a quick look around for Applejack and her stall, but she wasn’t there today-she must be busy back at the farm. Ah well, though Dash, I’ll catch up with her later. She spent the next 15 minutes or so casually browsing the various stalls. There were a couple of neat things here and there-Wonderbolt posters,cakes, some weird machine-type things that Twilight would probably like-but nothing that made her think “This is awesome, here is my money, please take it"
Deciding that she could always come back, Dash moved away from the market square and started to wonder through town at random. Occasionally you would get new shops opening up around the place-last year Dash had found an awesome costume store just on the edge of town, completely out of the blue. Maybe history would repeat itself? She started to glide just above head height, eyes darting this way and that. Ok, barbers, watch-store, magical shop of wonder, mailroom-
Dash halted in mid-air and turned around, confirming that she’d just thought she had seen. Yup, right there, standing boldly in between two other buildings, looking incredibly out of place. “Magical Shop of Wonder”. The sign was bright and garish, like something out of a carnival. How in Equestria had she missed that before? Landing and trotting forward, Dash examined it further. There were no windows, and the hard brick walls were painted maroon. There was a large, ornate knocker on the door. Curious, Dash gave the thing a try. After a rather sonorous sounding knock, the door slowly swung open into a darkened room.
Not able to resist, Dash stepped into the building. The inside was actually fairly mundane-a simple wooden counter with a bell on it, some desks and chairs, and not much else. Certainly no magic or wonder involved. In fact the place seemed deserted. Dash walked forward a little, not noticing the door slowly close behind her.
“Hello? Anypony here?”
There was no reply. She was starting to get weirded out a little now. She looked down at the bell, and gave it a ring. The bell echoed through the room, and almost at once, a voice emerged from behind the counter.
“Ahh, at last. My first customer…”
From a door on the left behind the counter emerged a unicorn mare. She had a maroon coat that matched the colour of the bricks outside, with a bright white mane that flowed freely down her neck and back. It was hard to tell how old she was-her face and eyes showed a certain youthfulness, but her way of walking and talking was like what you’d find in an older mare. Her cutie mark was a single red heart inside what looked rather like a crystal ball.
“Ah, and if I am not mistaken, you must be Rainbow Dash. I’ve heard about you. A pleasure.” She said, in a slow and calm voice. Rainbow felt her trepidations start to fall away, and regained some of her confident nature.
“Yup, that’s me! Hey, how did you say I was your first customer?”
“That’s right. I just moved here today. Oh, forgive my manners-my name is Clearheart. And..welcome”
She bowed her head. Dash rubbed her foreleg awkwardly.
“uh, ok.” Said Dash. “Thanks. So…do you have anything for sale?”
The mare chuckled at the question.
“Of course. Here, let me look into your eyes a moment”
Clearheart leaned forward and stared intently into the pegasus's eyes. Dash tried her best not to pull a a face that said “What are you doing?”, and thus chose to stare vacantly ahead like she was getting her eyes tested. After a slightly too long silence, the shopkeeper smirked and leaned back.
“Ah, such an..obvious want. You want something that is, how would you put it…”Awesome”, right?
“Heh, who doesn’t?”
“Indeed. Well, let me just have a look in here…”
Clearheart disappeared into the back of the shop, leaving Dash to ponder what Clearheart thought she had seen in her eyes. It wasn’t long until she had returned. In her hoofs was what looked like clothing.
“A jacket?”
“Oh,not just any old jacket. Take a look”
Dash took it into her own hooves and held it up. Her eyes gradually grew wider as she took in the full power of the item. It was a bomber jacket, pitch black, with a flame pattern along the bottom half of it. On the breast there was a skull and crossbones badge. On the back was a pair of flaming wings with the words “BORN TO FLY” (The lettering was also on fire). It was, in Rainbow Dash’s considered opinion, the most radical and awesome jacket in the world.
“Woah! This is…the coolest thing ever!”
“Yes, I had an inkling that it would appeal to you.”
“How did you know?!”
Clearheart smiled enigmatically
“Well, I just have a gift for guessing these sorts of things. You see, back when I was just a little filly, I always thought that-“
Rainbow almost slammed a pouch full of bits onto the desk.
“Yeah great, just take my money already!”
Clearheart just laughed, unphased, before shaking her head.
“Oh, no no no, dear, you misunderstand. I’m not interested in your bits. I sell rare items, and I take rare items in return. Well, not so much “Items…”
“Just tell me what you want for it already!” cried Dash, impatiently. “I need this, like, yesterday! Oh man, when the other Wonderbolts see me in this baby they’re going to be so jealous-wait, what’s with the hacksaw?
“Oh, this?” asked Clearheart innocently, as she levitated a very sharp, very shiny saw in her reddish magic. “Why, I need it to take your brain out. That’s what I’m asking for in return for that jacket.”
“My…brain? As in, the one in my head?”
“Yes, that one.” Said Clearheart, patiently.
“But..why?”
“Because-and please don't take this the wrong way, I have great respect for your accomplishments-I think you can afford to lose it. All I want is for you to get the best possible deal, the one deal that you didn’t even know you wanted to make. And I really do think you’re getting a good deal, here. Be honest, do you really use that brain of yours much?”
“Well, uh…" Dash strained a bit as she thought of reasons to keep her brain.
"I read sometimes. I like the Daring Do books.” she said, finally.
“Well, it’s not like I’m taking your eyes away. You can still read. Come on, just think of what your friends will think when they see you in this, ahem, “sweet” jacket.”
“Well…that’s true. I guess I don’t really use my brain that much anyway…” said Dash.
“So we have a deal?”
“Ok, sure, what the heck."
“Excellent. I’ll get started right away.”
“Um, isn’t there just some sort of spell you can cast for this?” asked Dash, eyeing the saw nervously.
“Oh there’s a spell I can cast to keep you, well…alive” said Clearheart, mumbling that last word in a low, inaudible voice. “But unfortunately I still need this. Hold still, please…”
Her horn flared with light for a moment, and a cold, numbing feeling enveloped Dash’s head. This was probably why, when the hacksaw started to cut into her skull just above the ears and eyes, she didn’t feel much pain. She could feel the metal teeth grinding away against bone, which felt strange as the vibrations went down through her body, but it wasn’t painful. After a while the saw had went all the way around the circumference of her head. Clearheart placed the saw on the counter. Then, with a certain relish, she lifted the top of Rainbow Dash’s skull off, exposing the pegasus’s wrinkled, pink brain.
“Ah, yes, you can see that it’s been rather underworked.” Muttered Clearheart, as she set the rainbow-topped skullcap on the counter next to the hacksaw. “No matter, I’ll take it off your hooves for you, happy to help.”
Before Dash could reply to what sounded rather like a underhoof insult, she suddenly felt rather lightheaded. She swayed a little on the spot before shaking her head. When she looked up again, she seen what must be her own brain, held in mid-air by magic.
“Huh. Cool. Twilight would love this…” she said to herself. She watched as her brain was sat on the counter, where it landed with a wet thud. It looked pretty gross to Dash, especially when contrasted to that totally awesome jacket she was getting in return. Brains were for ponies like Twilight. She had guts, that’s what really mattered. If Clearheart had asked for those? No deal. A stupid, winkled up lump like that though? Nah, she was getting a great deal out of this. No downsides to this that she could think of, nope…
Dash became aware that Clearheart was staring at her. The brainless pony cocked her empty head.
“Everything good?”
“Oh, good.Yes. Just checking to see that you’re still awake. Some ponies don’t react well to having their brains removed . Because they’re using them…”
“What was that? You kinda trailed off at the end there.
“Oh, nothing. Anyway…I promise to take good care of this. And as promised…your jacket. Enjoy.”
“Heck yeah, so worth it!” said Dash. She immediately got dressed, sliding her forelegs into the sleeves and admiring herself.
“Oh man, I must look soooo cooool. Thanks, Clearheart. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go give this baby a test-flight. Later!”
And with that, the newly brainless pegasus flew out of the store and into the sky like a missile. The shopkeeper watched her go, waving, then looked down at her prize. She prodded it with her hoof, feeling the soft, jelly-like texture deform at her touch before slowly returning to its original shape. Then her eyes were drawn to the rainbow-coloured mane beside it, still attached to the skullcap that she had sawed off.
“Oh, she forgot to come back for this. How absent-minded of her. Haha.”
Smiling at her own little joke, Clearheart went off to fetch a jar for her newest item. She really did hope Dash was happy with her trade. Especially if it brings in new customers…
Rainbow Dash breezed through the sky at a steady pace. She could feel the cold air blowing inside the empty cavity inside her head where a brain had laid only 5 minutes earlier. It was actually a little ticklish. She giggled at the sensation. She wondered where her friends might be, and who to visit first. Applejack would be busy up at Sweet Apple Acres, Pinkie would be helping out the Cakes at the bakery, and Fluttershy was a way out at her cottage. That left Twilight and Rarity. Well, there was only one winner there. Rarity was going to freak out when she saw what Dash was sporting these days.
Dash flew down to the Carousel and landed outside. At the same time, the door opened, and out stepped a familiar trio of fillies, talking excitedly among themselves. Dash grinned. Her first admirers! She tried her best to play it cool, not wanting to seem too pleased with herself. She adopted a casual post as the CMC came towards her, unaware of her presence.
“Hey, girls!” she said. “What’s up?
“Oh hey, Rainbow Dash!” said Scootaloo immediately, looking up excitedly. “We were just going…to…”
She was still smiling, but as she looked up and seen the brainless pegasus, her words stuttered and halted in her throat. Beside her, Sweetie Belle and Applebloom first looked back at their now silent friend, then back up at Rainbow Dash. Sweetie Belle turned pale, which is impressive when you’re already white to begin with, while Applebloom squinted and stared hard at the site in front of her. Rainbow Dash’s grin grew. Heh, they’re totally speechless.
“Heh, what’s the matter? Notice anything…unusual about me?” she said, drawing out the word “unusual” like it was a delicious treat to be savoured. Her question was met with silence from the three stunned fillies. Rainbow wondered if she had perhaps been irresponsible showing a jacket this awesome to unprepared fillies. Eventually though, Applebloom spoke.
“Uh…well, to be honest, Rainbow Dash…yeah, ah kinda did. You’re-“
“-Wearing the most awesome jacket ever, right? I mean look at this thing!” said Rainbow, practically pirroureting to show her jacket off. “The flames, the texture, that awesome design on the back. It’s what I’ve always wanted!”
The blue Pegasus turned her back and hovered off the ground to display the back in all of its glory. As she did so she seen Lyra and Bonbon walking on the other side of the street. Bonbon was holding a basket in her mouth, and Lyra was talking excitedly to her friend. She looked up and seen Dash, and gasped out loud. Bonbon noticed this and and looked at where the unicorn was staring. When she seen Dash, she too froze. Dash waved a hoof as Bonbon’s basket dropped to the ground, it’s contents of sweets spilling out over the road. Hah, what a goof, Dash thought.
She turned back around. Sweetie Belle must have a cold or something, because she really wasn’t looking very well, all shivering and wide eyed. Scootaloo was still staring straight ahead, locked in a smile, as if someone had pressed an off switch. Applebloom was waving a hoof in front of her face, trying to get a reaction from her malfunctioning friend.
“Well, what do you think?” asked Rainbow. “Be honest. Don’t be scared of going overboard.”
“Well…uh, to be honest, I want to ask about-“
“You look awesome!” said Scotaloo, springing into life again. She still had a kind of manic grin on her face. “Yeah, awesome as ever, Rainbow Dash!” “Scotaloo, don’t you think that it’s weird that-“
“No, nothing weird here, haha!” interrupted the orange filly, forcefully. “She looks great, can’t you see?”
“Uh…yeah?” said Dash, who was wondering what had freaked the filly out so badly.
“See, she’s fine! In fact, you look so great, that…that I want to look just like that! She’s a trendsetter! Come on girls, let’s go find a saw!”
“But-“
Scootaloo wraped her hooves around her friends mouths and marched them away, still loudly declaring how great Rainbow looked. Rainbow watched them go, laughing to herself. Those fillies sure could be strange. I mean, what’s a saw got to do with a jacket? Unless she meant the whole “selling her brain” thing. Nah, why would they be focused on that when she had her sweet jacket for them to focus on? I mean, one’s a non-issue, and the other is flat-out radical! Maybe she had just misheard Scotaloo. Maybe she had said “store”. Yeah, that was probably it.
At any rate, Dash entered the Boutique and went up the stairs to find Rarity. She could hear the unicorn humming a merry tune to herself. Good, that meant she was in a good mood. Well, she was going to be in an even better one soon. Assuming she didn’t get jealous. Dash wondered if that weird shopkeeper had any spares. In a selfish way, she hoped not. If everyone had this jacket then it wouldn’t be half as cool anymore.
Rainbow found Rarity bent over a drawing board. She was sketching some new design. Rainbow smiled and walked into the room, knocking on the door with her hoof as she came in.
“Yo, Rarity!”
“Oh, Rainbow Dash, how nice of you to drop in” said Rarity, not looking up from her work. “Just give me a moment, I’m working on some new designs at the moment, I need to get them just right.” “Oh, sure, I can wait. But you’re gonna want to see this. I just bought myself the greatest thing ever.”
“Oh? That sounds lovely.” Said Rarity. “Hmmm…was it more of a...no, no, that's not been in fashion for months, you fool! Think, Rarity!"
Rainbow leaned against the wall on her side as Rarity worked, growing visibly more annoyed as Rarity continued to sketch, the sound of pencil on paper and the faint hum of magic filling the room.
“So, uh, if you’d just look up…”
“Yes, yes, five minutes tops, darling. I’m in the zone. Can't quite get these ideas down...no, not like that, it was more...hmmmph..."
Rainbow groaned. She knocked her head against the wall out of frustration. It made a, well, hollow tone. Amused, she repeated the action. Then again. This earned her an annoyed snort from Rarity, but she still did not look up from her work. Bored, Dash looked around the room, before her eyes widened. A large mirror stood in the corner. She hadn’t had a chance to check herself out since her little trade-now was the perfect opportunity. Rainbow hovered over to the mirror. Yup, there it was, looking as rad as she had imagined it was look on her. She twirled around a few times, observing herself from different angles, and admiring the logo on the back. “Born to Fly”, it read. It was just so her. If Rainbow Dash had been born a jacket, it would have been this jacket. Well, obviously it might have had to have some Rainbow stuff on it to match her mane-
Hey, wait a minute…
“Aww man, my mane’s missing! Bummer.”
It took a good few seconds for Rarity to process this statement. The subsequent confusion was what finally made her sit up and take notice.
“Your mane’s…missing? What on earth do you mean by thaAAAAAA!”
The unicorn sprang up from her chair and pointed a dramatic, trembeling hoof at Rainbow. “Darling, your….you…”
She took a deep breath, trying to compose herself, before continuing.
“Your mane’s gone! Your practically bald!”
“I know, I know” said Rainbow, wincing. “I just realised there. I must have left it back at the store. Man, am I an airhead sometimes” sighed the brainless pony, smacking her hoof against her hollow skull and producing that hollow tone again.
“Store?”
“Yeah, there’s this new store in town. It’s where I got this jacket from. Isn’t it sweet?”
“Yes yes, it’s very..um…it’s very you” said Rarity, as diplomatically as she could. “But I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me. Tell me more about this store…”
Rainbow spent five minutes or so explaining how she found the shop, about Clearheart, and the deal that she had made. She had to pause occasionally when Rarity started butting in and asking trivial questions like “You sold your what?”, or “Sorry, but why would you do that?”, or “How is this even possible?” Honestly, Dash was pretty annoyed that her friend wasn’t focusing on the real story, aka her incredibly cool bomber jacket. Normally Rarity all about fashion, she’d talk about it all the time. Now Dash finally has something fashion-related to show off, and she just wants to talk about business and stuff. Typical.
“Well, Rainbow, as your friend I have to say that I think you’ve been rather irresponsible. What would Twilight say if she heard all of this?”
“I honestly don’t see the big deal here.” Said Rainbow, throwing up her hooves in frustration. “Like, I made a trade and I’m happy with it. You should go visit, I bet you’ll find something awesome there too, she looked like she had all kinds of neat stuff.”
“Well, I doubt very much that I’ll be purchasing anything, but…I may go have a friendly conversation with this Clearheart mare. About ethics in business and all that.”
“Ok, sure. Hey, if you’re going down there, can you pick up my mane while you’re there? It should still be attached to the top of my head
“Actually I’d rather like you to come with me. I’m sorry Rainbow Dash, but you should really trade that thing back in. This simply won’t do.” “I’m not trading this baby back in, even for two brains, ok?”
“Well, at least let me lend you a hat or something.” Said Rarity. Dash had to concede that Rarity had a point there. At the very least it would stop ponies gawking at her open skull and let them focus on the right thing. They went next door and tried on a variety of headwear. Top hats, sun hats, boaters, those ones with all the fruit on them that rich mares sometimes wore for some strange reason; they tried a fez but there was no top part of the head to rest it on, so it just ended up sitting in the pegasus’s empty head, the top just about visible over the rim of her skull. Eventually Dash settled for a fedora. She checked herself out in the mirror again. Yes, this was a great idea. An awesome flame-patterned bomber jacket and a classy fedora, truly the outfit of one cool customer.
“Well, it’s certainly an improvement.” Said Rarity. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?”
“Thanks Rarity, but yeah I’m pretty sure.”
“Well, you’re a grown mare, I won’t force you. Now, where was this shop again?”
Rarity stood outside Clearheart’s shop, studying the exterior and frowning. It looked rather ugly to her sensibilities. What sort of shop took brains as payments, after all? Well, if this shopkeeper dared ask for hers, she would give that mare a piece of her mind, alright.
The door opened suddenly, and out stepped a grey Pegasus with a light blonde mare and bubbles for a cutie mark. There was a blue bag slung over her shoulders. It was, for all intents and purposes, the towns local mailmare Derpy Hooves. But most people recognized her from those trademark crossed golden eyes. They were now missing. Two empty sockets stared out from her usual dopey, smiling face. Rarity gasped in surprise at the sight-if she did’t have the proper context she probably would have screamed.
“Derpy, dear?”
“Oh, hello Rarity!” said the now blind Pegasus, cheerfully waving in the direction of the voice.
“How did you know it was me?”
“Because you have that funny way of talking!”
“Funny way of…oh, nevermind. Have you…sold your eyes?”
“Just there!” nodded Derpy.
“May I ask why?”
Derpy put on her thinking face. If she still had her eyes, and if they were responding particularly well, they would have been rolling up as she thought.
“Well, I hadn’t seen this place before, so I wanted to come say hi! And the lady was very nice, and noticed my eyes, and she said that they were very nice eyes which made me go all red and warm-“-she stopped in mid-sentence, blushing at the memory of the compliment, before continuing-“because, you know, everpony usually makes fun of them, and they never really work very well…”
“It’s ok darling. I always thought they were rather endearing. Characterful, really” assured Rarity, with sincerity.
“Aww, thanks. Anyway, Ms. Clearheart looked at them for a moment, then asked if I was looking for anything, so I said that I was pretty ok but then she showed me this!”
Derpy reached into her bag and produced a long, aqua coloured object,smooth and gleaming, and which tapered off to a blunt point. In fact, it looked awfully like…
“A horn? From a unicorn, no less?”
Derpy nodded happily. “That’s right! I can do magic now! Watch!”
She took the horn in her mouth and pointed up at the sky.
“Avmph kehdhmpa!” she said through a mouthful of horn. A few sparks tapered up meekly from the horn, briefly illuminating them both. Derpy took the thing out of her mouth and smiled sheepishly.
“I…need practice, haha. But well, Dinky has a horn, and maybe she could show me how to use it? I think she’d like that.”
Hmm. That was actually rather sweet, thought Rarity. She was still quietly terrified at the thought of a Derpy Hooves allowed to use magic, especially one that couldn’t aim, but it was still sweet nevertheless. Derpy popped the horn back in her bag before making her leave, flying off. To be honest, having no eyes didn’t seem to make much of a difference in her flying, which was always erratic. Rarity watched her go, not sure how to feel about all of this, before reminding herself why she was here. She had to be tough, for her friends sake. And whatever happens, she can’t give into temptation. She walked into the store.
The door closed with a thump behind Rarity as she approached the desk. A mare-presumably Clearheart-was busy putting something in a glass jar. “Excuse me, are you the owner of this store?” asked Rarity. The maroon-coloured mare turned around, and Rarity could now see what was in the jar-a pair of eyes, golden and empty.
“Ah, hello there. Yes, my name is Clearheart, and I am indeed the owner. How may I help you?”
“Well, you can start by giving those right back to me. I also believe you have something that belongs to a very good friend of mine. Now I must insist that you return her mane post-haste." Rarity paused for a moment before adding "And her brain as well, I suppose."
Clearheart stared at her for a second or so, slightly taken aback by the white unicorn’s hostile attitude. Then she put two and two together, closed her eyes, and sighed.
“Ah, of course. You’re referring to Rainbow Dash, correct? We did business not very long ago. Is she unhappy with her trade?”
“Well…no…” admitted Rarity, hesitating for a moment. “But that’s not the point. You can’t just…take ponies body parts like that. It’s just not the done thing, darling.”
“I agree”
“Yes, but-pardon?”
“You’re right. You can’t just “take” some ponies precious body parts. That’s wrong, and frankly unhygienic. “ said the shopkeeper calmly, as she carefully laced the jar of eyeballs on the shelf behind her. “Bu that’s not really what I’m doing here, is it? I didn’t just “take” anything. We traded. Both of us were happy with our respective deals. Is that wrong?”
Rarity stared at Clearheart, who looked the very picture of earnest composure, like she was explaining something completely obvious and unarguable. Rarity wanted to argue, but she had to admit that this mare had a point. Clearheart, perhaps sensing that she had gained the upper hand, pressed her advantage.
“And of course, while I wouldn’t make anyone trade against their will, I find that everypony has something they’re willing to lose, if the price is right. For instance…let me just look into your eyes for a moment.”
Rarity let her do so, trying to compose a winning argument in her head while she did so. If all else fails she could always just whine at her until she gave the important parts back. Before she could warm up her whining voice though, the shopkeeper smirked with sudden confidence.
“Ah, yes, of course. You’re the creative type, aren’t you? I can see the passion in your eyes. I think I have just the thing for you.”
“If you think that I’m interested in bartering with you then you are sorely mistaken” said Rarity, as the mysterious unicorn disappeared into the back. “I have simply came to collect what you owe my friend. I’ll bring back that hideous jacket of course, fairs fair.”
She was met only with the sound of Clearheart rustling through who-knew-what.
“You better be looking for Rainbow’s brain. And the top of her head while you’re at it. Technically you never bought that you know. That was rather unethical of you-“
The door to the back opened, and Clearheart returned with a small box. Too small for a pegasus brain-even if it was Rainbow Dash’s, thought Rarity. The shopkeeper opened the box. Inside was what looked for all intents and purposes like a normal pen. It was a fancy fountain one, sure, but ultimately just a pen. Rarity looked up at Clearheart with a raised eyebrow.
“I’m not impressed.”
“You will be. This is no ordinary pen.”
“Oh, does it use red ink?”
“Let me show you, Take it.”
Rarity reluctantly held the pen in her magic as Clearheart produced some paper from under the counter. “Now, you are a creative type, no?”
“Well…yes, if I do say so myself. I’ve made a few decent designs in my time” admitted Rarity. “I’m making something of a name for myself in the world of fashion.”
“Wonderful. Well, have you any new designs in mind right now?” “Well, I was working on something earlier. I couldn’t quite get it right, to be honest. It was a sort of…hmm?”
Rarity noticed that the pen had started move of its own accord. She let it go, and it moved towards the paper on the counter. It blurred across the page almost too fast to see. When it stopped, Rarity looked down in amazement. There on the paper was an exquisitely detailed design for an opulent ball gown.
“Why…that’s exactly what I had in my head when I thought of it! I was having trouble really getting the gist of it onto paper, and I was torn between that and-oh, there it goes. Yes, yes that’s exactly it!”
“Indeed. That pen will take whatever creative impulse you can imagine and transcribe it perfectly onto paper, almost instantly. I believe some old unicorn up in Canterlot designed it way back when-the exact details elude me, sadly-but I feel the results speak for themselves.”
Rarity looked down in rapture, almost lightheaded with glee. It was like a chain reaction had went off in her brain-all of those half-formed ideas she had ever had could be turned into full ones! Her productivity would soar! It was the ultimate creative tool. And it could be hers…Rarity felt a cold sweat on her forehead. She knew that she must have it. Clearheart had won. And she couldn’t exactly turn around and ask for a refund for Dash after she completed the deal. Oh, she was probably being a terrible friend…but she was sure that Rainbow would understand. As Clearheart said, it’s not like she was unhappy with the deal, right? Everypony’s winning, right?
“…Ok, you win. I want-no, need, that marvelous pen of yours. Name your price and get on with it so I can get back to the boutique with it.”
“Well…hmmm…I take it you’re not one for physical labour, right? You strike me as a pony who enjoys luxury.”
“Darling, you’re ability to read ponies is most impressive, I will give you that” giggled Rarity. “Yes, I suppose I am a creature of comfort, so to speak.” “I thought so. Well, I’ve decided. Just to be clear, you’re happy to give up anything?”
“…Yes” said Rarity, a little uneasy about that question, but still set on securing the pen.
“Wonderful. Could you look the other way a moment, please?”
Rarity turned her head around.
“No, I mean turn around, please. Thank you. Now just stare at the door for a little while.”
There was a series of loud rustling noises, and the sound of something clanging against the counter. Then there was the unmistakable glow of magic, and Rarity felt a very strange mix of cold numbness and warmth spread across her body.
“What on earth are you doing back theeeEEEEA!”
Rarity stood bolt upright as she felt something long and hard press against her tailhole. She looked around, furious, to see Clearheart sticking some sort of large metal tube inside her rear. It was pushed inside a little more, causing Rarity to wince and gasp at the sensation of being stretched back there. The tube was attached to an equally large hose, which disappeared down the counter and into the back of the store. Rarity stared wordlessly at the shopkeeper, who simply shrugged
“This might feel a little strange, but don’t worry. You’ll feel very relaxed afterwords.”
Before Rarity could reply, a switch was pressed, and a loud noise began to sound. True to the shopkeeper’s word, Rarity started to feel very strange indeed. It wasn’t painful per se, but Rarity was smart enough to know what having your insides being sucked out through your butt would probably feel like, and this was what it felt like. Her lower body started to lose its shape as bones were sucked down the tube and away, her legs dangling like they were made of rubber. All the unicorn could do was stare straight ahead and hope it was over soon as she felt her torso start to collapse into itself. The only parts of her not disappearing into the tube was her skin and fur.
Rarity suddenly felt her head start to be tugged backwards, and then she felt it deflate like a sad balloon. The whirring sound from the machine stopped, and the now empty skin of the white unicorn flopped onto the floor, looking like an exotic rug. Rarity groaned on the floor, thankful that she could still at the very least perform such a simple task. She heard the sound of hooves walking towards and, and soon Clearheart was staring over her, holding the small box with the pen inside in one hoof.
“Sorry, but I thought that If I had mentioned that I wanted your skeleton, you might have protested. I feel your organs would only get in the way so I’ll just take those too and throw in some inkwells for free. I’m not so bad, right?”
She picked up Rarity with her magic, holding her to her face. Rarity noticed that she could at still see and hear as well. She wondered if this was to do with that spell Clearheart had cast. Did she still evne have eyes? What sort of magic was this anyway? Twilight would want to know, no doubt.
“Anyway” continued Clearheart, “now no one’s going to be asking you to do any heavy lifting in the future, that’s for sure. Oh, and you still have your horn by the way. Would be a pretty unfair trade otherwise, right?”
“How…thoughtful…” managed Rarity. In truth, she didn’t feel super angry so much as incredibly relaxed, like she was in the middle of a particularly good massage. It was hard to stay mad in such a state. And besides-she had the pen now. Who needs bones when you’re going to be a god of dress designs?
As she ruminated on this, Clearheart opened up the boneless unicorns mouth and deposited the box into it, followed by the promised ink bottles. Then she started to roll her up like a blanket. Rarity wanted to squirm at the sensation, which felt rather intimate, but was powerless to resist as Clearheart rolled her up tight. The maroon mare placed the rolled up unicorn on her back, and stepped out behind the counter and towards the door. She felt like she could at least drop her customer off at her home. Besides, it was time for a lunch break anyway. It had been a busy first day, all right.
The boutique seemed very quiet, and it could be a rather scary place when it was dark and quiet. Mannequins staring silently at looming walls, the odd discarded item scattered around in a fit of creative passion…but then again, lots of places seemed scary to Fluttershy when they were quiet. Lots of places seemed scary to Fluttershy when they were noisy too. So you should take her opinions on these matters with a pinch of salt.
At any rate, she stood inside the entrance to the seemingly deserted building wondering where everypony had gone. Neither Sweetie Bell nor Rarity had answered her when she had knocked, and even after she had entered and called out their names, there had been no reply. She had hoped to have tea with her and catch up-she hadn’t cancelled without telling her, had she?
As she worriedly chewed on her hair, the yellow Pegasus heard a noise from upstairs. It was a low sound, almost inaudible, but it was constant and impossible to ignore once you had heard it. Summoning her courage, Fluttershy slowly, ever so slowly and carefully, climbed the steps up to the first floor of the boutique. The sound only got louder as she got closer to its source, which seemed to be Rarities own room. It was almost like the sound of somepony scribbling pen on paper.
“Rarity? Is that you?” she said. The scribbling stopped abruptly.
“O-oh…Fluttershy? Don’t come in now!” came Rarities voice, sounding flustered.
“Is everything alright?”
“Er, darling, I’m afraid that I’m…er….not feeling well. Yes, that’s it. Terrible cold.”
There was a pause.
“A-choo. Excuse me.” Added Rarity.
“Oh dear. Have you been to the doctor about it?”
“N-no, not yet…”
“Well, I’m going to come in and check on you-“
“No! I mean, no, no need, haha! You might catch it yourself!”
“Oh it’s ok, I just want to quickly check on you.”
“W…well alright, just give me a quick second!”
There was the sound of magic, then a sound that was hard to fully place-like the sound of a folding blanket, but not quite the same. Then came the sound of something heavy hitting the bed, followed by the rustling of quilts.
“…there, she’ll never know.”
“What was that?”
“Um,I said come in now!”
Fluttershy opened the door. Rarity was in bed, wearing a sleeping mask and with her hair mostly obscuring her head. Fluttershy walked over to her. She was looking very still.
“Were you sleeping?”
“Oh, yes, sound asleep. In fact I’m actually very tired right now. Yawn. So…”
Fluttershy cocked her head.
“Rarity…your mouth looks funny. Like there’s something inside it. And you can't just say "yawn" without actually yawning."
“Oh?” said the unicorn, weakly.
“And you’re lying very still. Why are your arms and legs sticking out like that?”
Rarity considered her answer for a moment.
“That’s how I always sleep, darling.”
“Really? I don’t remember that."
“Well, I do. Now, I’m clearly not very well, we’ll meet some other time-“
“Oh, what are these?”
Fluttershy noticed that there was a lot of paper by Rarities desk. Walking over, she seen what must have been tens and tens of different designs for all sorts of dresses, outfits, ensemble pieces, show outlines, and so on.
“Wow, some of these look really good, Rarity! Did you do these before you got sick?” said the Pegasus, moving what looked like an empty mannequin stand out of the way. She looked at it, wondering what it was doing here, before turning back to the desk.
“Ehehehe..heh…well, yes. Maybe. ” said the bedridden unicorn, who stared blankly ahead . Fluttershy continued to appreciate her friends good work. “And you like them, you say?”
“I love this retro Manehatten style you have for these ones. And this one, it looks like it would feel so summery and warm! Did you pick that up from the show in Canterlot last year?”
“Why yes, what an excellent eye you have! I had a few more in mind. Oh here, let me show you what I was working on before you came up.” “But I thought you were sick-“
Flutteshy watched as Rarity got out of bed. She didn’t climb out like a normal pony, but rather seemed to levitate out, arms and legs still sticking out fully extended. She continued to look as still as a statue, and it became apparent that Rarity was using her magic to move, rather than her muscles. Rarity plopped down in front of the desk.
“Now, let me show you a particular design that I think sell really well if-oh, drat.”
Rarity had tied to pick up a rather fancy looking pen, and in doing so released herself from her own magic. Unable to keep her balance on her unnaturally poised legs, slowly fell onto her side, rocking on the spot. Fluttershy shook her head, completely befuddled at her friends strange behaviour.
“Rarity, is there something that your perhaps not telling me? It’s ok, you can tell me anything. We’re friends, right?”
Rarity sighed on her spot on the floor.
“Yes, I suppose I’m being silly hiding it. I suppose I was just a little self-conscious about it.”
“About what?”
“Well, I’ve lost a bit of weight, darling, so to speak.”
“Really? I don’t understand. Why are you standing so still? And you don’t look that much skinnier, if you don’t mind me saying…”
“Here, let me show you. “
Rarity’s horn glowed once more, and her mouth opened wide. Very wide. Very, very, very wide, actually. Something was coming out of it. Fluttershy watched, entranced, as the head of a mannequin forced its way out of her friends mouth, followed in short order by the rest of it. Rarity’s body deflated more and more until it was nothing more than a heap of skin and fur on the ground, the horn sticking up and still glowing as the mannequin was floated onto the empty stand.
When she was done, Rarity tuned the magic back onto herself, lifting herself so that she was roughly facing her terrified friend. She was formless and alien, and yet her face was still her own, her blue eyes looking out, full of intelligence. Her lips somehow formed themselves into an uneasy smile.
“Well? Notice a difference now?”
With a sort of grace, Flutteshy fainted onto the carousal floor.
In the middle of town, surrounded by gawkers, Rainbow Dash cursed her own stupidity.
Not because she was regretting her purchase or anything. Her new jacket wasn’t completely awesome, because it clearly was. And not because she missed her brain. She clearly hadn’t been using it, and in a way there was a certain pleasure in being literally empty headed-a weight had been removed from her shoulders, quite literally. No one could expect her to do much thinking from now on. She could just point a hood at her empty head, and they’d be like, ”Oh yeah, you’re excused Rainbow Dash, and by the way that jacket is way cool”. Even leaving her skullcap behind on Clearheart’s counter, while unfortunate, was not a deal breaker as far as she was concerned. No harm done, really.
But having been given a fedora from Rarity, and then almost immediately doff it at the first wave she had gotten, had been a real air-headed move, brainless or not. Especially given that the town was now pretty busy, and nearly everypony had gotten a good glimpse of the inside of her head. Now, instead of the unrelenting flow of compliments her jacket so richly deserved, she was just getting stares. Not stares of awe. The sort of stare you get when you’ve got a milk moustache, only times by a hundred. It was frustrating as all heck to the hot-blooded Pegasus. She hoped Rarity would be back with it soon, otherwise she’d have to go back there herself and pick it up herself.
“Rainbow Dash! Come over here!”
Oh, no. Here she comes. Rainbow gulped nervously as she heard Twilight’s voice rise over the crowd of onlookers that had gathered around her. Rainbow flew up and spotted the alicorn standing next to Pinkie, looking agitated. Rainbow flew over, deflated. “Hey Twi, hey Pinks….” She said. Twilight gave her a Look, which put the Pegasus on the defensive.
“Ok,ok, I get it! No brain! I’m a grown mare, I can make my own decisions.”
“That’s right, Rainbow, even really bad ones!”
“Not you too, Pinkie, I thought you’d have my back on this one!”
“Rainbow.” Said Twilight, “I’m not mad or anything. I’m just…really really confused. Why? How? When?”
“Look, can we get away from all these ponies before I talk about it? I’m feeling like a freak, here!”
“Then perhaps you shouldn’t sell your freaking brain you are so dense sometimes!”
The group made their way out of the crowd and back towards the blessed seclusion of Twilight’s castle. Once inside, Rainbow started to relay her story.
“That place sounds fun!” said Pinkie. “I bet she must have all sorts of crazy stories to tell if that was her job!”
“It sounds dangerous, Pinkie. I’m not sure I can just sit by and let this sort of thing happen. ..wait, did you say Rarity went down to that shop?”
“Oh yeah, she wasn’t gonna buy anything though. She was just going to go yell at Clearheart I think. And pick up the top of my head. I, uh, kinda left it there by accident.”
“So you’re saying that she might be in danger, to?” asked Twilight, choosing to be lenient and not chew out her friend over that last detail. Rainbow groaned and rubbed her eyes in frustration.
“Twi, nopony is in “danger” here! I’m fine! F-I-N, fine!”
“…”
“..What?”
“Look, I think we should go check to be sure. Pinkie, you can-“
“Go check out the store, no problem!” said Pinkie, with suspicious enthusiasm. Twilight eyed her.
“Now Pinkie, please don’t be a Rainbow Dash and do something you’ll regret, ok?”
“Okey Dokey Lokey! See ya!”
With that, the pink earth pony sped out of the shop. Rainbow snickered.
“Heh, she’s totally gonna sell something.”
“Hmm, guess it’s too late to stop her if she really wants to. Well, at any rate, let’s go check out the boutique in case she’s there. I’m sure she’s fine though. She wouldn’t do something crazy just to gain material wealth, right?”
The two ponies made eye contact as they ruminated on this rather questionable assertion.
“…she’ll have sold something” they both said,almost at once. Dash facehoofed herself hard. Too hard, it turned out, because the force knocked her eyes back into her head so that they were rolling around the inside of her skull cavity like marbles. This made her incredibly dizzy, and eventually she fell over, her eyes rolling away into the corridors.
Twilight Sparkle took a deep breath. She felt that her patience was going to be severely tested today, and hoped that no one else had made any foolish decisions.
Scootaloo thought about the foolish decision she had just made.
“I can’t believe this didn’t work.” She thought.
“Well, it sure didn’t” came Applebloom’s voice, vaguely to her left. It was hard to tell; her senses were all a little out of whack right now. She could only see darkness, her sense of smell was non-existant, and the only feeling was a sort of overwhelming dampness around her.
“I told you this was a bad idea.” Chimed in Sweetie Belle. “I don’t know how Dash did it, but it wasn’t how we did it.”
“Yeah, we know that now, much good as it does us.” Agreed Scootaloo. “Hey, it’s funny how we can still interact like this at least.” “Maybe it’s because we’re so close together or something. I dunno. I ain’t no brain surgeon.” Suggested Applebloom.
“You can say that again.”
“Hey, I just did the sawing, you’re the one that put us in here!”
“I only did it because Scotaloo practically forced us too!”
“Hey, I didn’t force anypony! You all agreed!”
“Did not!”
The argument began in earnest. Not that anyone else watching would have heard anything. All they would have seen were three brains floating in a big jar filled with some sort of potion, sat next to the motionless, brainless bodies of three fillies.
Pinkie opened the door to the shop and called out Clearhearts name. The maroon unicorn showed up calm as ever, wiping away the crumbs of her sandwich with a handkerchief.
“Why hello there. Welcome to my humble trade store. How can I assist you!”
“Hi there! My name’s Pinkie Pie, and welcome to PONYVILLE!”
Confetti simply appeared as Pinkie blew a party horn in celebration. Clearheart, though conscious that she would probably have to clean up that confetti later, smiled and nodded in quiet, sincere appreciation.
“You’re very kind. I like this place. Everypony has been very agreeable.”
“Yup, that’s Ponyville! Always so agreeable! Anyhoo, I got asked to check and see if a friend of mine has been in? Have you served a really pretty, white unicorn? Blue eyes, diamond cutie mark? Talks ever so posh, like this?” asked Pinkie, doing the last part in a rather impressive imitation.
“Ah yes, I do believe I know the very pony you mean. We did business a short time ago.”
“Aha! I knew it!” said Pinkie, triumphantly. “What did she sell? Oh, can I ask that? It’s kinda snoopy of me, but I need to know!”
“Well…I suppose you’ll find out anyway if you’re her friend…” mused Cleaheart. “Here, let me show you something of hers.”
She ducked briefly down and rooted around in an unseen bag, before popping up holding Rarities skull in her hooves. Pinkie’s eyes lit up.
“That is sooo cool, and kinda gross, but soo cool! Can I touch it, can I can I? Promise I won’t steal it!”
Clearhear giggled at Pinkie’s interest and handed her the skull. It felt heavier than she had expected when holding it in her own hooves. Pinkie twirled it around, then struck a dramatic pose with it.
“To be…or not to be…”
“Ah, a student of Hayspeare?”
“Who?”
“Nevermind. May I…?”
Pinkie nodded and cheerfully handed her friends skull back to the shopkeeper, who tucked it away back into the bag beneath the counter.
“Thank you. Yes, she traded her skeleton for a magical pen. I think she seemed happy with the deal.”
“She sold her own skeleton! Wow, talk about spineless! Get it?”
They laughed.
“She always was…humur-less!”
There was a slightly less enthusiastic laugh.
“You really ribbed her off!” continued Pinkie. Clearheart chucked politely.
“Yes, I can see what you’re doing-“
“Bones!”
“Are you done?”
“Yeah, think so.”
“Well, anyway, I’m glad you have such an open mind about all of this.” Said Clearheart.
“Haha yup, just like my friend Rainbow Dash!”
“Aha, yes. Of course, you’re welcome to make a trade as well. Let me just…have a look at you.”
“Ooo, spooky!” said Pinkie, as the unicorn stared deeply into her eyes. She eventually nodded to herself.
“Hmm, not what I would have guessed…you’re passionate about cooking, am I right? Baking, particularly?”
“Ooo, did you read my mind?” asked Pinkie.
“Not…exactly. I’m just good a reading ponies, shall we say. At any rate, give me a moment…”
After said moment, Clearheart placed a collection of baking equipment on the counter. There was a golden bowl, a silver-coloured wooden spoon, cookie cutters shaped like ponies and various animals, and a recipe book. Pinkie looked down at it all curiously.
“Oh my god…basic baking equipment!”
“Ah, but really it’s so much more than that-“
“Take my brain!”
Clearheart blinked as Pinkie shoved a pink, winkly blob under her muzzle. She looked up a Pinkie, who’s head was still in one piece. “How…but…I’ve not even told you what it does!”
“Oh, sorry. Got carried away.” Said Pinkie. She shoved the organ roughly into her ear again, making a popping sound as it went in. “Carry on!” Clearheart wasn’t flustered by much, but she had to take a breath before continuing.
“Right…as I was saying, this baking equipment was created by a lonely baker a long time ago. She didn’t have many friends, so she decided to make her own. Or rather…bake them. As long as you follow her instructions in that recipe book, anything you make with this kit will come to life.”
“Amazing! Take my brain!”
“Please stop doing that, I use magic to do the trading. Your way is, how should I say…unsanitary.”
“Sorry, sorry!”
Clearheart waited for Pinkie to fix herself, wondering how on earth she was managing that and not falling into a coma, before continuing. “Legend has it that the mare in question even made a life-sized assistant with careful use of the bowl, over many days of baking. If you’re skilled, I’m sure you can find similar uses. And as for payment”-Clearheart managed to cut in before Pinkie could scoop her brain out again-“Well…lets see…” The shopkeeper studied her prospective buyer carefully before nodding. “Ah yes. Well, you’ll need your legs to cook with, and your head to see with-“
“And to taste with!”
“Indeed. So how about I take the rest?”
“You mean…my middle?”
“Yes, I think that will work. I think a pony like you could manage.”
“Sure! Let’s do it!” said Pinkie, having commited to the deal long ago. Clearheart nodded, and flashed her horn, casting her magic over the earth pony. She…probably didn’t need it, thought Clearheart, but better safe than sorry. She ducked under the desk to find a suitable tool for the job. There was a knife, a saw, pizza cutter, comically oversized hoover, chainsaw…ah yes, a sword. A touch of elegance would be nice. She picked it up and reappeared.
“Now, this might sting a little-huh?”
“Here you are, one torso!” said Pinkie. Her torso was lying on the counter, with not even a mark to show that anything had been lost. It was still breathing somehow, its chest rising and falling rapidly, the tail waving back and forth. Clearheart looked down at the floor, where Pinkie’s head was being held up by her own hooves, which bounced up and down excitedly.
“…Thank you. Pinkie Pie, you are a…remarkable individual.” Said Clearheart, truthfully. Then she noticed something else on the counter, and sighed. “Did you give me your brain again, too? I didn’t even ask for it”
“Yup! Well, the other two did, so it only seems fair!”
“Oh…fine, I’m sure I can find a buyer. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome! Ooh, I should introduce you to everyone later on, I bet they’d love to talk to someone like you! And then we can party!” “We’ll see.” Said the unicorn, simply. “Well, thank you. Here’s the set.”
She handed it down, and each limb grabbed hold of a different set, with Pinkie’s mouth clutching the spoon. She mumbled a goodbye before all five parts of her hopped out of the store, ideas already forming in her head.
It was getting on in the day by the time Applejack got to town. It had been a hard day’s work, and she was right in the mood for something tasty to eat. Normally she would have had something at home with the family, but she hadn’t seen the others much over the past few days, so she had come to town hoping to grab a bite with the girls and catch up. The orange earth pony took a big yawn as she made her way into Ponyville proper, and smiled to herself, wondering what sort of gossip or tales she would hear tonight.
Just as she was passing Rarities boutique, the door opened, and out walked a certain white unicorn.
“Well, talk about timing!” chuckled Applejack, waving a hoof at her friend. “Howdy there Rarity, how are ya?”
Rarity seemed to freeze for a split second before coming towards the farm pony. Her body language seemed a bit strange to Applejack, like she was nervous or shy about something.
“W-why hello there, dear. I wasn’t expecting you down tonight.” Said Rarity. “I thought you’d be busy up in the farm.”
“Oh we’ve been busy alright, Rarity, but we managed to get the work done. Thought I’d come down and catch up with y’all. Let’s say we go down and gather up the girls, eh?”
“Ah, we actually had the same idea!”
“Well, let’s go then!” said Applejack, before pausing. “Wait, what do you mean ‘We’”?
Rarity seemed to shuffle in place, and there was a low, muffled murmur from somewhere in her vicinity. Rarity smiled away pleasantly but seemed to whisper something out of the corner of her mouth, as if talking to herself. Applejack frowned and stared at her friend. “Uh…didn’t quite make that out, Rares.”
“Hmm? Oh, uh, excuse me. I’m just feeling a little…stuffy today.” Said Rarity. “Shall we go? Let’s visit Twilight first.”
They went on, trading small talk as they trotted over to the castle. Applejack couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something was wrong, but she couldn’t really articulate it well enough. Rarity talked fine enough, but she walked with an uncharacteristic caution, even as she laughed and smiled as though nothing was the matter. There was something else too…
“Rarity, hate to be rude, but uh…you seem to have, uh…bumps. On yer side.”
Rarity stopped where she was and examined herself. There were indeed strange lumps coming out of her side and back, like there was something fairly large just under the skin. As both of them looked, the lumps actually seemed to move a little, and again there was a muffled voice.
“Applejack, I must tell you that it is very rude to criticize a lady’s figure like that.” Said Rarity. For a split second her body had its familiar air of haughtiness, before it slowly slumped back into a more timid shape. Before Applejack could explain what she meant, Rarity started to quickly move ahead, leaving a spluttering Applejack in her wake. Applejack simply apologized for now, making a mental note to ask her what was up when they weren’t in public.
But as she looked around, Applejack noticed even more strangeness. She saw Derpy sitting on a bench next to Dinky, eating a muffin. Which was perfectly fine, of course, but today Derpy seemed to have shoved two muffins into her eyes as well, or at least into where her eyes should normally have been.
“Uh, Rarity, do you see that?” asked Applejack, nudging her pal with her foreleg. Rarity looked round and paused.
“Hmm? Oh, Derpy! Yes, she certainly likes her muffins!”
“She don’t usually enjoy them THAT much.”
“Now now, let’s not judge her, she’s a very nice pony. Come along now, dear, it’s rude to stare.”
They continue on, Applejack growing increasingly uneasy as she went, keeping a watchful eye on everypony she passed as if they too were going to reveal some unexpected malady. For the most part, she didn’t notice anything else out of place, and as the castle started to loom larger, Applejack started to relax. Maybe she was just on edge after so many days of working without a real break. Nothing weird was going on. She was just jumping at shadows.
“Ah, I am in the mood for one of Pinkie’s confectionery creations.” Said Rarity, wistfully. “Although…hmm…” She seemed to suddenly think of something. “I wonder…”
“Everything ok, Rarity?”
“O-Oh, yes, splendid. I’m sure it…won’t be an issue.”
“Darn right it won’t.” said Applejack, licking her lips at the thought. “Oh hey, ain’t that Vinyl? Don’t see her out much, she’s always so shy. Like Fluttershy!”
There was a nervous laugh from Rarity, that somehow seemed to be in stereo. Applejack ignored this surely inconsequential detail and waved cheerfully at the musical unicorn, who was sitting on a nearby bench. She was smiling in an…odd way, a small, fixed smile on her face. She was wearing those large goggles of hers, obscuring most of her face, and she was tugging at it, as though it was causing her discomfort somehow. Vinyl waved back with one hood, before removing her goggles for a second and rubbing them clean. Applejack stared.
“What the-“
Vinyl’s alabaster face was completely blank. It wasn’t like Derpy before-there was simply nothing there. No nose, no eyes, and on closer inspection, her mouth was simply a crude black line. Applejack watched as the unicorn produced a small marker pen from somewhere and quickly drew two small eyes where her own should have been, before replacing her goggles. This seemed to fix whatever problems she was having before. Vinyl got up and walked off, pausing only to fix the smile of her mouth with her pen, making it very slightly bigger.
“Applejack, dear, tell me you aren’t staring again.” Said Rarity,tutting. Applejack whipped her head around and gave her an exasperated look.
“Aww come on now, you musta seen that. She didn’t even have a face! That’s weird, and you know it!”
“But I saw a face, she was smiling!”
“Hah! Yeah, cause she drew a smile on! Something weird’s going on, admit it!”
Rarity sighed and moaned in frustration.
“Oh, fine, I’ll say when we get to Twilights. But not out in public. It would be…indecent.”
“Wha? How?”
“Oh, you’ll see. We’re almost there. Come come, I imagine Rainbow Dash at least should be inside, assuming she’s told the others. Twilight will be beside herself, I just know it. Oh, actually, while I have you-you haven’t seen Sweetie running about, have you?”
“Can’t say I have. Or Applebloom, neither. Where’ve they gone off to now?”
“Oh they do this all the time. I’m sure they’re fine.”
Scootaloo was literally bored out of her skull. This was just as well, because a passing bird had found its way into the clubhouse, and had thereafter decided to use Scootaloo’s now vacated head as a safe location for her nest. She was currently arranging various small twigs into a circular shape inside the skull cavity, pausing only to either gather more twigs, admire its work, and more often than not, caw. Scootaloo was of course completely oblivious to all of this, because as a brain in a jar, she had no senses at all other than the ability to think. The only thing stopping her from going completely mad was the presence of the other CMC members, who could somehow communicate with each other through reasons that were rather beyond them all. This was a blessing, obviously, but at the same time…
“And that was the best birthday ever!” finished Sweetie Belle.
“Nice story, Sweetie Belle! Ok, ok, ask me one!”
“Umm…what was YOUR best birthday ever?”
“Glad ya asked! Lessee, how old was I again?”
Scootaloo sighed, her brain bubbling slightly in its jar as a sign of her displeasure.
“Girls, it’s been hours now. I’m going stir-crazy here. Surely someone’s gotta find us soon!”
“Well, ain’t nothing we can do about it.” Said Applebloom, simply. “’Sides, I find it kinda relaxing. Like the deepest bath ever.”
“Yeah, or like being massages so hard your everything has fallen asleep. It’s nice…” agreed Sweetie Belle.
“Well I just wish my brain could fall asleep till we’re fixed.” Said Scootaloo. “Oh, I hope Rainbow doesn’t find us like this…”
“It’ll be Applejack that finds us, we’re near the farm” said Applebloom. “Ah just hope she ain’t mad that I stole the saw.”
“I don’t think that’s the issue here, Bloom.”
“Well it’s one of the issues, is all I’m saying. Now, what were we talking about? Oh yeah! So, I was coming home from school…”
Behind them, the bird roosted in Scootaloo’s head, and cawed contently.
Rainbow looked up at the machine on her head-or what was left of it-and then looked back at Twilight.
“Yeah, I don’t think this is gonna work.”
“Well it’s the closest we’re going to get. I need to test this, so just stay still for a second, ok?”
Twilight walked over to the printout machine that was hooked up to her brain-scanning device. It was true that the helmet was designed to rest on the top of somepony’s head, and that Rainbow in this moment of time was not really the idea candidate. But as she had said, she didn’t really have an alternative ready for this sort of thing, so it would have to do. The machine started to whirl into life, and she hungrily scanned the results.
“Let’s see…huh? Nothing? That’s impossible!” she cried. The machine had given her a completely blank reading, a flat line running dead center indicating zero activity. She looked back at her very much alive and kicking friend, who was rubbing at the machine in an awkward manner.
“Stop touching it, you’re messing with the readings!”
“Twilight, that machine reads brains. Which I do no have. This shouldn’t be a shock. Even I know that, and I don’t have a brain!” said Rainbow, sitting up and taking the helmet off. “Look, I’m fine, I keep repeating myself over and over like a broken record. Quit bugging me and let me outta this lab already.”
“Rainbow, you don’t understand” began Twilight, walking back towards the brainless Pegasus. “This shouldn’t be possible. I’ve never heard of a spell that could lead to something like this. And you say she’s using this power to…run a shop?”
“Yeah! It’s pretty cool!”
“No, it isn’t!” said Twilight, with emphasis. “It’s dangerous and grossly unfair! And just gross in general, actually!”
“Ok, now you sound like a broken record. I get it, you don’t like the store. You don’t have to buy anything there!”
“No, I don’t, but I DO have to pay this Clearheart a visit. I-oh, was that the door? Spike, can you get that please?”
“Yeah, yeah.” Grumbled the baby dragon, from another room. He had chosen to stay out of Twilight and Rainbow’s way for this experiment-watching Rainbow walk around with half a head was a little too unsettling for him to stand, and Twilight had excused him to go read his comic books. In due time he led Applejack and Rarity to lab room.
“Heya Twilight!” Applejack. “Oh and hello to you to, Rainbow...Dash…”
“Oh, heya Applejack. And yeah, I know, don’t tell me about it.” Said Rainbow glumly, as the orange mare went slack jawed staring. “Twilight’s been on my case for hours now.”
“I imagine it must be rather tiresome having to explain this to everypony.”
“Tell me about it. Can’t wait for everypony to just get it out of their system already. Maybe if more ponies around town go make a trade-“
“Dash, don’t give her any ideas!” interjected Twilight. Rarity coughed nervously, drawing a look from everypony in the room, although Applejack looked more confused than anything else.
“Well…to be honest…remember when I said I’d go down and…chat with the shopkeeper? Well, she was actually rather pleasant, and one thing led to another, and…”
Twilight, with regal grace, facehoofed herself.
“Rarity, please don’t tell me…”
“But you look…well, normal!” said Rainbow Dash. “Did you really trade something?”
“Now hold up just a second.” Said Applejack, pointing an accusing hoof at Rarity. “You said you’d explain what the hey was going on, so can you please tell me what everypony’s talking about, or why Rainbow’s going around without the top of her head?”
“And her brain, Applejack” Added Twilight.
“She had one?”
“Hey, no fair!”
“a-HEM” coughed Rarity, dramatically. “If I may, well, demonstrate…Fluttershy, darling? Come out now, would you?”
There was a quiet voice of agreement from somewhere in the room. Rarity raised her hoofs to her head and, in one quick movement, pushed the skin down, revealing the head of a familiar yellow mare sticking out of the mouth.
“Um, hello…” said Fluttershy, looking rather sweaty and flustered. She shook her head and mane free and then continued. “It’s ok, she’s alright. I was a bit shocked too…”
“Woah, you’re…wearing Rarity!” explained Rainbow, finally perking up. “I bet she loves that, it’s kind of fitting, right? The dress maker is a dress!”
Rarity’s head was now bunched up at the neck like a turtleneck sweater, but she was still able to stare at Rainbow and mutter something inaudible.
“Oh, right, she can’t talk. Um, give me a moment to get out of this. I mean her. I mean…ooo, this is all so strange…”
Fluttershy started to free herself from Rarity via the mouth, slowly pulling her limbs out before wiggling through the increasingly stretched out mouth. When she was done she immediately picked her friend up and started folding her up like a sweater, for no other reason than she felt that it would be impolite to do otherwise. Twilight let her finish, took a deep calming breath, and then spoke in an even, quiet voice. “This has gone on long enough. Everypony wait here while I go and deal with this.”
“Oh no no no” said Rarity, somehow, as Fluttershy held her in her hooves. “I may seem a little deflated, but you should see what I got in return for mere bones and meat. It’ll do wonders for my business! And if I need to perk up then I have my workarounds. Isn’t that right Fluttershy?”
“Um…maybe?” said the pegasus, looking anywhere but at her friends, not quite sure where she should stand on this.
“Rarity, I’m telling you what I told Rainbow. This is dangerous magic, and I can’t let it spread.” Said Twilight. “I bet Pinkie will have done something similar, you know what she’s like. Imagine if the whole town started trading stuff in!”
“Hate to say it Twi,” said Applejack, crossing one foreleg over the other, “but I seen a fair few weird sights on the way over. Think it’s already starting.”
“Oh no, really? Then I can’t waste any more time. I’ll get those parts back, I promise.” With that, Twilight ran out of the room, full of vigour and determination. After a few seconds she poke a head back in.
“And somepony please go check on Pinkie!”
Twilight sped off again. The room fell into an uncomfortable silence, a silence which was eventually broken when Rainbow Dash turned to Applejack and Fluttershy.
Meanwhile, at Sugurcube Corner, Pinkie laughed manically, her head perched on a high shelf overlooking the kitchen as the rest of her limbs moved around with manic intensity. Raw cookie dough was being pressed into the enchanted pony-shaped moulds she had purchased from Clearheart. Today, she would create life. Delicious, extra chewy life. With chocolate chips.
“Yes, that’s it! Into the ovens!” she ordered, and her legs obeyed, pushing her creations inside. “Now prepare the new moulds! The funny ones with two legs! My cookie army must grow, grow, grow! Ahaha!”
She laughed again, then stopped when she felt herself nearly fall off the shelf she was on. “Ahem…hehehe…”
Inside the store, Mr Cake kept on smiling as he served his latest customer, saying that no, he couldn’t hear a thing back there, and that it must just be the wind or something. When the customer left, he turned to Mrs Cake.
“This is fine.” He said. “Everything’s fine.”
“Yes, dear, of course.” Agreed his wife, smiling back and raising her voice slightly as Pinkie started laughing again. “Perfectly normal.” She sighed, looking back into the kitchen at the whirlwind of detached limbs juggling eggs, flour and cooking spoons. “ At least she’s being productive.”
Twilight marched through the door to Clearheart’s shop like a soldier on a raid. In a way, it’s what she felt like anyway. Inside, there was a maroon-coated unicorn looking lovingly at a jar containing what looked like somepony’s entire digestive system, before she turned to address the newcomer.
“Oh, one last customer before I close up, delightful! Greetings, my name is Clearheart. Oh…” The unicorn stopped suddenly. Her face kept its polite neutrality, but her eyes seemed to light up when she saw who she was addressing. Twilight took the opportunity to assert herself. “Hello, Ms. Clearheart. My name is Twilght Sparkle, and-“
“Oh I know well who you are, Princess.” Interrupted the shopkeeper, bowing her head. “And I am honoured by your patronage. Truly honoured.”
This display of respect put Twilight off her stride a little bit. She scratched her head awkwardly before continuing.
“Um, thank you, that’s very nice. But I’m not here to shop. I’m here to ask you to return the parts you, ahem “purchased.” Said the alicorn, in such a way that you could almost hear the quotation marks. Clearheart tapped her hoof on the desk, looking up to the ceiling as if deliberating on this.
“Not here to trade? That is most unfortunate. I believe you would qualify for the most valuable of all my wares. Perhaps I can change your mind on that?”
“Sorry Clearheart, but that just isn’t going to happen. I have a responsibility to protect my friends, and all the ponies here. I can’t have ponies walking around with no legs!”
“I imagine they would not be doing much walking around in that scenario.”
“You know what I mean!”
Clearheart chuckled, and sighed theatrically before turning away from Twilight, caressing the jar of organs with a stray hoof.
“Well, I suppose I cannot argue with a Princess. I understand your responsibilities.” She said, with a resigned, melancholy tone. “I hope you don’t think ill of me. I didn’t want to hurt anypony.”
“I know you didn’t” said Twilight, softening her tone a little. “I’ll be happy for you to stay and trade for other items.”
“Ah, perhaps. Some of my wares are rather priceless, unfortunately, so it may cause issues. I can’t ask for mere bits for, say, the lost diary of Starswirl the Bearded, can I? It seems rather disrespectful to such an erstwhile-“
“Starswirl the Bearded’s Lost Diary?!?” cried Twilight, rushing over to the desk with wild eyes.
“Oh that was just an example” said Clearheart, dismissively. “I’ve had it for what feels like decades and not found a suitable price for it. Yet…”
Twilight felt hear heart rate skyrocket. There had long been rumours that Starswirl had kept a secret journal, filled with his most deeply guarded secrets and theories. Celestia herself seemed to believe that it was out there somewhere, but nopony had found it after centuries of looking. Twilight felt perspiration dampening the fur on her forehead. She looked at Clearheart, and pleadingly asked to a least see it. The unicorn nodded politely and disappeared into the back, before returning with a very, very old looking book, dusted and weather beaten but still intact. Twilight gently opened it to the first page, and gasped. This was his writing, she would recognize it anywhere. She started to read aloud in wonder.
“Dear Diary…beans on toast for breakfast, most satisfactory...” she read, reverently. “The mare behind the counter smiled at me, must remember her name for next time.” She stopped, shaking her head. “This isn’t quite as epic as I was expecting…”
“Try the next page.” Suggested Clearheart. Twilight flipped over, and gasped yet again. The entire spread was filled with some of the most complex magical equations she had ever seen, splattered almost absent-mindedly across the two pages like a bored student doodling on his notes. Only this was what happened when the greatest magical thinker in history doodled: he slowly, casually figured out the universe.
“This is…unbelievable!” said Twilight, practically drooling. She felt like a kid who had just been given the keys to a sweet shop. Clearheart just nodded, before quickly taking the book out of the princesses grasp.
“And it’s mine, for now. Until I receive a suitable offer, of course.”
“This belongs in a museum! You’d make a fortune selling it!”
“Bits are of no interest to me.” Shrugged Clearheart. “You know what does. And for an item like this, I would need something very valuable indeed…” At this point she started looking Twilight hard in the eyes, smiling and nodding as if reading something agreeable in there. “And I think you can provide that.”
“But-hang on, I didn’t even want to buy anything! I came to stop this, not participate!”
“Well, that’s up to you. If you really don’t want this…”
“No!” said Twilight, feeling slightly ashamed of herself at being so clearly baited, and that she had so swiftly bitten. “I…well, I told my friends-“
“Your friends? They seemed quite pleased when I last saw them. Are you sure they want those parts back so badly?” asked the unicorn. Twilight reflected on this. It was true, Rainbow and Rarity seemed perfectly happy, and Pinkie…well, she probably would have found a way to do this anyway, somehow. She did have one worry…
“Clearheart, I need to ask one thing. Are you sure this is all safe? I’ve never seen magic like this.”
“Ah, a valid question. It’s very old magic, native to the little town where I was born. I’m not sure if there’s anypony else who knows it as well as I do in Equestria…”
Clearheart trailed off, looking soberly into space, before shaking herself out of her thoughts.
“But I promise you, no harm befalls any of my customer. Well, unless they bring it on themselves, but you wouldn’t blame a cobbler for a stallion getting kicked in the face. Now…do we want to do business?”
Twilight bit her lip. She felt like she was doing something very foolish, despite the shopkeepers reassurances. But the prize on offer was too great, and she could tell that the only way she could get her hooves on it was by agreeing to Clearhearts deal, and by association, letting her continue to trade body parts for rare items. She stood there for an agonizing few seconds, weighing up her choices. Then, slowly, she nodded.
“…I need this book. Name your price.”
Clearheart grinned a wide, toothy grin. She ducked behind the counter and produced a jar like the one the organs from before were housed in. Twilight looked at it.
“Ah, let me guess. You want my brain.”
Clearheart laughed, long and hard, before replying.
In the end, all four of the girls went to see Pinkie. Fluttershy made sure to wear Rarity again, and Rainbow had been forced to pick up and wear a discarded wizard’s cap of Twilight to hide her open skull. She had protested this indignity, loudly and often: “It totally clashes with my jacket!” she had said, but her cries fell on unhearing ears. Everyone had agreed to try and keep up appearances for now, until Twilight had sorted everything out with Clearheart.
“I will have to try and rush home before she returns” Rarity had said, as they all walked down to Sugurcube corner. “I reckon I can squeeze out a good few dress designs before I have to return that pen.”
“Bet you’ll be thankful to get your skeleton back, at least.” Said Applejack. “I wouldn’t trade my bones for all the apples in equestrian. That pen must be something special.”
“You have no ideal, darling. And to be honest, this…experience has been not without its unique charms. Isn’t that right, Fluttershy?”
“MM-mmhp”
“Fluttershy aggress with me.” Said Rarity. She smiled wide, and for a second you could see flashes of yellow coat before she stopped herself. “Oh Rainbow, do stop sulking like that. That jacket never suited you anyway.”
“Leave the jacket out of this! The jacket rules!” said the floating pegasus, angrily fixing her wizard hat. “Ponies here can be so judgemental. They can’t look past stupid stuff like selling your brain. If you ask me, wearing this dumb hat around is way weirder. Twilight doesn’t seriously embarrass herself in public like this, does she?”
“Ponies in glass houses should not throw stones, dear” sniffed Rarity. “Ah, here we are. Brace yourselves, ladies, anything could be happening in there.”
“Yeah, who knows what Pinkie’s bought. Or traded!” said Rainbow.
“Oh no, I just say that to myself whenever I come here, you know what she’s like.”
“Ah, fair ‘nuff.”
They opened the door, to be greeted by an empty counter.
“Hello? Pinkie?”
There was a veritable chorus of high pitched greetings from the kitchen area. The girls exchanged looks of worry, perhaps having flashbacks to the business with the mirror pool. Then, there was a very quiet stampede. From the kitchen emerged at least a dozen tiny brown ponies, all squeaking out hellos and skipping towards the newcomers, leaving a soft trail of crumbs in their wake.
“Hi! Eat me!”
“Yes, eat all of us!”
“Eat us! Eat us! Eat us!”
The cookie ponies advanced, voices almost singing their demands. Right as they had backed the friends into a corner, Pinkie Pie’s voice rang above the din, commanding her creations to stop.
“No, bad cookies! Don’t be pushy, that’s not how you make friends!”
The cookies bowed their heads as Pinkie and her various parts all bounced their way into the room, a sight that sent the already overloaded Applejack into further overload, the poor earth-pony mare simply dragging her hat down across her eyes and muttering to herself through the fabric.
“Sorry about, everypony” said Pinkie pie, looking up as her cookie creations circled around her. “The recipe’s still got a few things to work out…”
“Recipe? Is this what you got from Clearheart?” asked Rainbow.
“Yup! It’s a whole magical cooking set! Aren’t these guys just adorable?” said Pinkie. On cue, her crowd of sentient cookies went in and hugged her head, rocking it back and forth slightly. Rarity coughed.
“Yes, heartwarming and all that. Not that you seem to have one, Pinkie.”
“Hahaha, good one! But it's ok, I'm sure my heart is in the right place! Get it?"
“Very witty, Ms. Pie!" said a voice. Everyone turned to the newcomer. Clearheart waved pleasantly as she strolled into Sugarcube Corner. In her magical grasp was a clear jar filled with liquid, with a pink, wrinkled object floating in the middle. It was gently spinning in a lazy circle, bubbling every now and then like a fish. Also being held was an old book of some sort. Seeing this, Rarity connected the dots.
“…Twilight?” she asked, prompting everyone on scene to gasp, including a muffled one from inside Rarity. Applejack pulled her hat back up over her face and stared hard into the newcomers eyes, fighting the urge to stare at the contents of the jar.
“Clearheart, right? I think ah have a few choice words for you, alright.” Said the earth pony, narrowing her eyes. She was expecting some sort of haughty reply, perhaps a cool chuckle and a shake of her vibrant mane. But instead, the unicorn looked genuinely hurt.
“I…see.” Said Clearheart, simply. “Well…I just came to drop your friend the Princess off. She’s not very mobile like this, but I think once the Princess figures out how to read the book-“
“You mean she can’t even see like that?” asked Rainbow, flying up close to the brain in the jar for a better look. “Hey how does that work anyway, where’s her body? Is she in there?” Rainbow tapped the jar with her hoof, but the brain inside didn’t seem to notice her. Clearheart placed the jar on the counter of the shop.
“Everypony reacts differently. I had a feeling she would be more of a brain type than a brainless one…” she said, setting the book down next to the jar. “Oh, if you want my suggestion: Try placing her inside your head. She’d have access to your senses that way, a fact that she would find most useful. I’ll just get out of your way now…”
She went to leave, passing by the still glaring Applejack with a neutral poker face on. As she neared the door, Rarities hooves suddenly moved to her mouth and pulled her lips open, as Fluttershy’s head emerged, a sight that nearly had Pinkie's eyes bulging out of her head at the sight.
“Wait!” she said, as Rarity grunted wordlessly, her eyes swiveling from their new position by the pegasus’s neck. “Um…I just thought I should say…Applejack, I know you’re upset, but Clearheart has good intentions. She wouldn’t do anything we wouldn’t want, would you?” said Fluttershy, smiling at the departing unicorn.
“Ghuhig-gsnignmph!” said Rarity.
“Rarity agrees with me…I think.”
“Yeah, you’re ok with this pony head!” said Pinkie, causing her cookie companions to hop up and down excitedly, squeaking out little “Yeah!”’s of their own. This earned a smile back from Clearheart, who nodded her head.
“Thank you, that’s very kind. And if any of you want to do business, I’d be glad to help.”
“Hah!” snorted Applejack. “I’m more likely to turn into a pear.”
“Ggghgh-ghmmhsg!” said Rarity, her eyes glaring frostily at the farmer.
“I…see. Well, you’ll know where to find me.”
With that, Clearheart breezed out into the night. The Elements of Harmony were left alone. Only two of them now had a full inventory of body parts. Applejack watched her friends, taking stock. Rainbow unscrewed the lid of the jar, and prodded the water within like she was testing it’s temperature. Fluttershy went over to talk with Pinkie and the cookie ponies, kneeling down next to them. Rarity had given up trying to speak and was content with looking around the room.
Applejack was struck with a feeling of dread. Nopony was hurt or complaining, but she had a terrible feeling that sooner or later that would change. Twilight may have caved in, but she wouldn’t make that mistake. She resolved to stay as far away from all of this as she possibly could. If her friends were happy then let ‘em be happy, but she would have nothing to do with Clearheart and her trading ways.
“Righto, ah’m gonna call it a night right about now.” She said to the room at large. “I just hope y’all have thought about this, cause I got a baaaad feeling bout that mare. And my gut never lies.”
Applejack tipped her hat in farewell before leaving the bakery. As she left, she heard a faint crunching sound, followed by shocked gasps.
“Crispy, no! Your legs! Oh you poor thing!”
“Sorry, she just looked so tasty! Forgive me, crispy!”
Meanwhile, in a treehouse on Sweet Apple Acres, Sweetie Belle’s brain was practically vibrating. After all possible topics of conversation had been carried out, which was approximately two hours ago, all three brains had fallen into something of a silence. She had theorized that, just as they had developed the ability to hear each others thought, they had all now learned how to shut them out. It was probably something to do with their rapidly evolving mental wavelengths, growing more flexible and far strong in lieu of any physical stimuli. These were all thoughts and words that Sweetie would never normally use, but when you’re just a floating brain in a jar, you do a lot of thinking.
As a matter of fact, Sweetie had thought about a lot of interesting things. For example, she had worked out a fairly satisfactory answer to some of the deeper questions that she had overheard from Twilight, like “What is it to be?” or “Why do hayburgers cost so much more these days?” And her plans for improving Scootaloo’s scooters were potentially very promising, assuming she could procure the parts needed for the engine, and if Rarity wouldn’t mind if she stayed out too late. In a way she already way. She was not concerned that she had not been found though, for she had already imagined 56 possible hypothetical situations that explained this, and only 21 of them were alarming, so statistically both Rarity and herself would probably be fine.
Sweetie Belle didn’t hear the cawing behind her as the bird in Scootaloo’s head roosted on her nest, warming the eggs inside. Nor did she see the squirrel climb into her skull cavity and hide some nuts in there, with one rolling down the hole where her brainstem used to be and getting lodged inside. Instead she merely hummed a happy little tune as she thought of what other of life’s great mysteries she could solve…
After the girls had gone their separate ways for the night, Rainbow had taken Twilight’s jar in her hooves and flown back to her home. She had placed the book inside her own head and covered it with that dumb wizard hat, although it meant she had to fly kinda slowly in case either it or the book fell out. It was only about halfway through the flight that Rainbow noticed that she had left the lid of the jar sitting on the counter, and she had very well almost let her passenger slip out. Stopping and jerking back up right again, she sighed with relief before continuing on carefully. She wondered if losing her brain really had made her more forgetful. Then again, she was always kinda bad for stuff like that, so maybe not. At any rate, she had clutched the jar close to her chest as she flew, making sure not to go to fast or to change direction suddenly, lest she risk another near-miss like before.
When she got home, Rainbow headed straight to bed, feeling pretty tired. Yawning, she placed the jar and the book down on the bed. Then she pulled her jacket off, staring at it lovingly before hanging it up in her cupboard. It had felt like a long day alright, and she was ready to hit the hay. Before she did though, she thought about Clearheart’s advice, and looked at the brain in the jar on her bed. She fished Twilight out, wincing at the spongy, slimy feeling in her hooves, before quickly depositing the organ into her skull. After a few seconds, she heard a voice. “…What’s this? Where am I?” said the voice. It was unmistakably Twilight. “Hello? Am I…this looks like Rainbow Dash’s house.”
“Uh, it is.” Said Rainbow out loud. The voice in her head gasped.
“Rainbow! What’s going on?”
“You know you’re just a brain now, right?”
“Ah, yes…everything went black, and I couldn’t hear or smell or anything. Am I back in my body?”
“No, you’re in MY body.” Said Dash. “Pretty cool, huh?”” She moved towards a nearby mirror, looking at the pink brain sitting neatly in her head like it was made for it.
“I’m in your head? But…that…hmm.” Said Twilight, thinking. “…Actually…yeah, this is pretty cool! Good thinking, Dash!”
“Oh it’s nothing, Clearheart told me to try this. Said you’d appreciate it.”
“She did? Hmm…it’s hard to get a read on that mare. This all still seems, well, weird, but-oh, the book! Rainbow, please tell me you have the book!” said Twilight, with new urgency. Rainbow looked around, causing more gasps as Twilight could now presumably see what she herself seen. The second it entered Dash’s field of view, Twilight practically wooped.
“Amazing! I was worried I had been tricked, but she kept her word! Dash, please, you have to read it!”
“What?” said Dash, immediately regretting her decision to put Twilight in her head.
“It’s a lost diary. Guess who wrote it?” asked Twilight, giddy.
“Uh…Celestia.”
“Nope!”
“I give up.” Said Dash, looking longingly at her soft cloud-bed.
“You aren’t even trying!”
“Yeah, well I’m pretty tired is all, so-“
“It’s Starswirl the Bearded’s lost diary! In our very hooves! Oh, I might read the whole thing in one go.”
“Uh, yeah, maybe tomorrow Twi. I’m gonna go sleep.”
“What? No, nonono!” cried Twilight. But Dash had already climbed into bed. Twilight protested inbetween noting that she, too, felt the bed.
“Yeah, great, innit. Night, Twi.”
“But-“
“You want to go back in the jar?” threatened Rainbow, her eyes trying to stare at the brain her own skull with limited success. Twilight fell silent, and Rainbow turned the lights out. It wasn’t long before she was fast asleep, snoring gently.
After about 20 minutes, the pegasus’s eyes opened up again. She slowly sat up, turning her head side to side, stretching out her limbs and her wings experimentally. Then she grinned.
“Sleep tight, Rainbow.” Said Rainbow Dash. Or at least, her body did, before softly chuckling to itself. “But I’m in charge now. And I know exactly what I want to do. Hehehehe….”
Chapter 6: Fluttershy Gets Her Head In The Game (and also her limbs)
When Rainbow woke up the next morning, something seemed off. She raised her muzzle out of the book she had fallen asleep reading, and looked around her room, looking for the detail that would clue her in to what felt wrong. There was the jar on the side of her bed, of course, but she remembered what had happened last night, and that wasn’t it. Was the sun brighter than normal? No, not particularly, that couldn’t be it…
She looked down again at the dusty old book lying in front of her. There were a few other books scattered around the room, half-opened. Then she scanned the room again, catching her reflection in the mirror, Twilight’s brain very clearly resting inside her skull. Then she looked back down at the book. This pattern continued for another few cycles as her empty head started to piece together the crime scene. Empty jar. Dusty book. Brain in her head. She scratched her head, deep in through, although what she actually ended up doing was scratching at the rubbery organ in her skull.
“Hmm…oh, good morning, Dash!” said a tired voice in response to the physical contact. Twilight’s voice yawned. “Wow, I am beat, let me tell you.”
“How come? And why are there so many books lying around? I feel like I’ve woken up at your place or something!” asked Dash, yawning herself now.
“Haha, yeah, I can see why you’d think that.” Said Twilight. “Eh…Rainbow…”
“And I don’t even remember reading THIS” continued the blue pegasus, holding up Starswirl’s diary. “I mean, I know you would. But me? Hah, no way!” she said, laughing to herself as she turned it this way and that in her hoof. Twilight chuckled nervously in response without saying anything as Rainbow continued to think things over.
“”Yeah, the only way I’d ever read something this boring was if you, like, made me. Somehow”
“Dash…” said Twilight.
“But there’s no way you could make me. Unless you like, possessed me-“
Twilight thought she heard an audible click as Rainbow suddenly seemed to get it. The pegasus’s features slowly morphed from amiable bemusement into a frown.
“Heeey…wait a minute…Twi, if I go to sleep, and your brain is in my head…can you-“
“Yes, I can kinda take control of your body. Sorry, sorry!” said Twilight. Rainbow seen the brain in her head start to wiggle,as if it was physically embarrassed. “I just couldn’t resist having that book in front of me! Oh, the things Starswirl the Bearded was cognitive of, it’s out of this world! Do you know that when he first moved to Canterlot, he went into the busiest pub in town and-“
“Twilight! Focus! You can take over my body when I sleep! That’s…that’s…”
“I know, horrible, and I’m sorry.”
“What? No, it’s cool!” said Rainbow, hovering over her bed now. “That’s like, a pranksters dream! You could have done ANYTHING…and you just read some lame old books?” she finished, indicating the other discarded texts with a hoof. “You’ve even read some of these before! You’ve told me so!” Twilight coughed, somehow.
“Well…they’re good ones. That’s why I lent them to you.” Rainbow rolled her eyes.
“Urgh, you’re the lamest brain in a jar ever.”
“Well, technically I’m a brain in a head right now, like anypony else reall-hey, what are you-“
Rainbow reached into her head and scooped Twilight out of her head, before walking over and dumping her in the jar of water by the bed. “You can stay in there for the afternoon and think about the missed opportunities. You could have pranked anyone, or done anything! Even if you do it now it won’t be the same….so, uh, don’t.”
Twilight remained silent, bubbling away passively, as Rainbow went down to make herself breakfast. She wondered what she would do today. Probably just hang about town, see if anything else was going on. Maybe go see Clearheart-she did still have her skullcap lying around, after all, and Dash really felt like she should get that back at some point, if only to get her mane back. At the very least she should check up on her friends and make sure they’re getting on ok. They all gave away big stuff like, you know, entire skeletons-maybe they’d run into bother? Dash was just thankful only had to trade away her silly old brain for her awesome jacket. What a deal!
After breakfast, she took her Twi-Jar, put on her jacket and flew down towards Ponyville. It must have been later than what she had thought, because the town was reasonably busy and full of life. But again, something seemed…off. Was it just her, or did everypony look a little…different? Well, maybe not everypony, but enough to make her take notice. She landed down on the street and looked around. Sure enough, it seemed as though business had picked up for Clearheat-there were definitely more ponies who had clearly gone through some sort of deal. Some were smaller in scale than others-maybe a missing hoof or leg. Rainbow spotted Carrot Top being wheeled around by her friends, laughing gaily as she clutched a brown bag of something or another close to her chest.
“Oh, there she is!” said a voice behind her. Rainbow turned around to see a small crowd of townsponies pointing excitedly at her. She smiled and waved back at them.
“The one and only!” she said. Rainbow recognised one of the ponies as Berry Punch who, in stark contrast to some of the ponies Dash had spotted, seemed to have gained mass rather than lost it, her gut looking somewhat rounder and fuller than usual. She stepped forward, and there was a strong sloshing sound as she did so.
“Oh no, not you Rainbow. Uh no offense. We meant the Princess! That’s her, right?” she said. Rainbow realised they had been pointing at the jar. She raised it above her head so that everyone could see. The crowd gave a collective gasp of interest and even some applause. “Wow, she really did give up her whole body! No wonder everypony’s getting in on the act!” said Berry Punch.
“Yeah, I noticed that actually…” admitted Rainbow. A pale yellow earth pony mare nodded in agreement.
“Yup, it’s like that Clearheart mare’s gotten the official seal of approval from the princess. She must be making a fortune! Well, in body parts, but still…”
“It’s strange, though” said a grey, young looking unicorn stallion to her right. “You’d think the stuff she’s giving away would be more valuable…”
“Oh who cares what her reasons are?” Said Berry, before holding up a large green bottle. “I got an endless bottle of wine-literally, as far as I can tell, and I’m something of an expert-and all I had to do was give her my lousy insides!” She slapped her belly happily. Rainbow was pretty sure she knew what was inside now. “Jokes on you Clearheart, I can drink as much as I want now!”
“Well, can you?” asked her friend.
“I intend on finding out! Come on, let’s go. Drinks are on me, hahaha! Oh, nice jacket by the way, digging the flames, Dash!”
The gang trotted away, leaving Rainbow to wonder about the effect Clearheart was having on the town, and the deep moral questions that arise when you begin to trade bodyparts for goods. Only she didn’t, because she was actually holding back tears of joy.
“Finally…someone complimented my jacket!” she said, bringing up the jar containing Twilight’s brain to her face and practically pressing her face up against the glass. “You hear that, Twi?” she asked. Twilight said nothing, leading to a somewhat deflating silence. Her urge to converse with her friend overtook her, and Rainbow had soon fished Twilight out of her jar and plopped her into place inside her head.
“Urgh…oh, I can see again. Hello, Rainbow!”
“Yeah yeah, hello to you too. Guess what-someone said my jacket was nice! I told you it was awesome!” said Rainbow, excitedly. “Wait till the others hear about this! Oh, speaking of which, any idea where everypony might be?”
“Well…I think today is Spa day for Rarity and Fluttershy, why don’t you try there first? Oooh, maybe we can get a little treatment too! Well, you at any rate, I don’t know if they know how to massage a brain.”
“Heh, true.” Said Rainbow, as she set a course for the spa. “What’s it like, by the way? Being a brain in a jar like that.”
“Hmm…” thought Twilight, thinking for a few seconds. “It’s…not terrible. It’s like when you’re up at night and can’t sleep, and you start thinking about…well, everything. Imagine that but more intense.”
“Sounds pretty terrible to me.” Said Dash, as she turned a corner. “Not surprised you like it so much though. You’ve always been a braniac.” “Hehe, that’s very true! I don’t know how other ponies would handle it…”
Applebloom was pretty sure that they had now been in the jar for about 24 hours. She was basing this on the way that she could vaguely feel the glow of the afternoon sun coming through the window of the clubhouse, warming the glass that held her. It felt fairly pleasant, in truth, although a morbid part of her imagination wondered what would happen if the glass got too hot. She didn’t particularly want to find out what happened when you boiled brains. Still, she was quietly confident that they would soon be rescued. Applejack or Big Mac were probably just about to lift them out of their watery prison and back into their bodies.
Although, thinking on it…this had basically been like a holiday. No school, no chores, no nagging big sister asking her where she was going or what she was up to. It was just her, and her two best friends, and literally nothing else. A part of her would miss this, although she was looking forward to having something to eat again. It was a good thing Applebloom currently didn’t have a stomach, because otherwise she would be starving.
She felt something bump into her, and then there was a tired groan.
“Ooh…morning, Applebloom.” Said Scootaloo, sleepily. “Sorry, think I drifted into you there.”
“It’s ok, Scoots! And actually, ah think it’s afternoon, judging from the sun.”
“Oh, sure…wait, how did you figure that one out?”
“We’re literally just brains, Scoots, I’ve been doing nothing BUT think.” Said Applebloom. “What about you, have you thought about anything? Sweetie Belle was trying to explain her thoughts to me but ah didn’t really follow it.”
“Oh that’s easy” said Scootaloo. “I was thinking up the cool things I would rather be doing than floating around in a jar all day. I think I was up to 356 things. Want to hear them?”
“Not…really?”
“Too bad! Number one: Lying in my bed, instead of in a jar. Number two: Reading a comic book. Number three: Eating a hayburger. Number four: Riding my Scooter. Number five-“
“Ok, ah think you’ve made yer point-“
“No, Applebloom, not yet I’ve not! Number five: Petting a cat. Number six: Looking at a cool painting. Number seven…”
“What’s all the racket?” said Sweetie Belle’s voice, sounding like somepony who has just been woken up from a nice sleep. “Ah was this close to inventing a new number, and now my concentration’s gone!”
“Ah think Scootaloo’s lost it.” Said Applebloom, as Scootaloo continued her list in the background, voice remaining at a steady, yet slightly wobbly trill. “Poor girl, she just ain’t cut out to be a brain.”
“Clearly” agreed Sweetie Belle, before taking a deep sigh. “Well, might as well take a break. Wanna play a game?”
“Sure! How about eye spy? Oh wait…nah, never mind, not that…”
After hastily arranging to join her friends in their spa session with the sisters who ran the place, Rainbow was quickly dressed in the customary bathrobe with a towel on her head, which had the inadvertent effect of covering Twilight up. Rainbow had helpfully pointed out that the brain in her head actually belong to Twilight rather than to her, but trying to explain the situation only seemed to confuse the sisters further.
“Your friends are already proving rather challenging to service.” Said Aloe, as she lead Rainbow to the main room. “But we pride ourselves on our work, and we will do our best.” She said, as she opened the door and led Rainbow inside.
“Ooo, I wonder if I can still get a massage?” thought Twilight to Rainbow, who sniggered.
“Maybe you should get something for your skin. You’re looking awfully winkled.” She said. Aloe turned back and gave the pegasus a withering look as Dash quickly realised her error. “No, no, not you! You look great! I meant Twilight.” She said, pointing a hoof at her towel-wrapped head. Lotus leaned in close as she continued to stare at Rainbow, before nodding her head and opening the door to where the rest of the gang were being treated
As Lotus had said, it was a rather unusual session compared to what they were normally used to. Pinkie’s legs were each being attended to by Lotus for a hoof polishing and painting session, while her head was busy floating in the hot tub, floating on an inflatable life-preserver, humming happily. Rarity had been folded over a rack like a carpet, her head and forelegs dangling down over one end. She had a look of quiet relaxation on her face. Rainbow noticed a rather big stick lying down on the floor next to her. Finally, Applejack was lying down on a bed with a face mask on and cucumbers on her eyes, although she did hear the new arrival and look up.
“Fluttershy?” she said.
“No, it’s us. Rainbow and Twilight.” Said Rainbow. Applejack took the cucumbers off her eyes and looked over. “Where’s Fluttershy?”
“She’ll be here soon, said she might run late. Hey, where’s Twi? I don’t see her.”
“Here!” said Rainbow, unfurling the towel on her head and revealing the pink lump of matter in her head. Applejack sighed, wearily.
“Oh, that’s right. Yer just a brain now.” She said. “Good, ah was thinking this spa day wasn’t weird enough.”
“Oh hello, Rainbow Dash. And you, Twilight.” Said Rarity, from her upside down position on the rack. “Can she hear us?”
“Yup! Oh, she says hi everyone.” Said Rainbow, waving her good to illustrate this, before pausing. “Oh, and…yup, she’s telling me to tell you to stop stressing out, Applejack, and that everything’s fine.”
“Yeah, take a chill pill and enjoy yourself!” said Pinkie, from her vantage point in the hot tub. “Come on in, the water’s fine!”
“Don’t mind if I do!” said Rainbow, taking the invitation that was meant for the grump orange earth pony. Discarding her bathrobe, she flew up and sank into the warm water, sighing loudly as she did so.
“Wow, I can feel how good that must feel to you, Rainbow.” Said Twi, wiggling in her skull cavity. “Oh, I don’t know if I should be in here. I don’t want to shrivel up.”
“Hmm, suit yourself Twi. Hey Applejack, catch!”
Applejack, who had just replaced the cucumbers on her eyes, snorted with annoyance as she took them back off again, only to see something blurring towards her. She reflectively caught the object, looked down, and realised that she was now holding Twilight’s brain in her hoofs. She yelped and, again acting purely on reflex, threw the slimy thing into the air, which might have went very badly for Twilight had Lotus not stepped in and caught her expertly out of the air with her hooves.
“Please do not throw things in the Spa” she said. “Now, I believe a good massage would work wonders for you, Princess…”
Rainbow lost track of time a little as, for the first time in a few days, she was able to relax and just hang out with her friends, sinking deeper into the hot tub and chatting with Pinkie about whatever came to mind. Aloe would occasionally stop her work on Pinkie’s detached legs to pick up the stick next to Rarity and, with a delicate kind of firmness, whack the loose skin like a drum. It didn’t look very relaxing from Rainbow’s point of view, but Rarity wasn’t complaining, so it must have had some merit to it. Off to the side, on a table fit for purpose if rather large for it, Lotus rubbed Twilight with extreme care but with obvious skill, and judging from the way Twilight’s brain stem moved from side to side like a dog wagging its tail, it seemed as though the spa pony had been right about a massage being just want Twilight needed.
“Ahhh…” said Rainbow, before deciding to submerge herself entirely in the water for a few seconds, letting it soak into the fur on her face. When she emerged her skull was mostly filled with the stuff, and she had a steady stream of it leaking out of her ears and under her eyes for a few seconds as it drained out, much to Pinkie pie’s entertainment. The now rather wet pegasus rubbed her eyes dry and then looked up, and saw a yellow torso floating through the air.
Rainbow Dash gasped, rubbed her eyes some more, and then looked again. Yup, there it was, approaching the now dozing Applejack slowly but surely, wobbling in the air slightly. The stumps were bright red, with bone clearly visible in the centre of each one, including the one at the top of the neck, which had a strange sort of silver collar wrapped around it. There was not even a tail, although there was no mistaking the blue and pink butterfly cutie mark that was clearly visible on it. The torso reached Applejack and bumped into her. She sighed and once again removed her eyewear, before practically falling over her bed when she saw what had nudged her.
“What in equestria-“
Everyone now looked over and gasped in surprise, spa ponies included, although Twilight didn’t really react for obvious reasons. There was a soft giggling sound, and then a pony seemed to fade into view beside the bed.
“Sorry, I couldn’t resist” said Fluttershy, as she appeared out of thin air.
“Fluttershy, what on earth have you done to yourself?” said Rarity from her rack, trying to move her head to get a better look. “Oh, can someone take me off this thing now? I think I’ve got my fill of it for one day.”
As Rainbow retrieved Rarity and took her over to Fluttershy, she noticed that she was slightly transparent. She explained that the torso she had carried in was her actual body, and that she had just came back from visiting Clearheart.
“That collar I’m wearing is what I got in return. This is called Astral Projection. I remember reading about it as a little filly. I can project my inner self and still do stuff as normal, but now if I want to hide, I can just do this…” The ghostly pegasus faded out of view, before quickly returning.
“So now you can hide whenever you want, wherever you want? Yeah that sounds like something right up your alley” said Rainbow, to a nodding Shy. “And as long as your body’s safe, you can’t be hurt either.”
“That’s right, so I’ve no excuses not to go looking for the biggest, most dangerous animals now.” Said Fluttershy. “In a way, this makes me feel more confident in myself. It’s like I’m not really here…”
“And for that you let that mare lop your head off? And yer arms and legs?” said Applejack. “Am I the only one here that thinks this is all nuttier than a fruitcake?”
“Applejack, you’ll soon be the only pony in town not to have had something changed. You’ll look terribly out of fashion.” Said rarity, as Rainbow held her up by her forelegs in front of the farmpony.
“Ah don’t care!”
“Even my sister and I are considering it.” Said Lotus, scratching her chin.
“Oui” confirmed Aloe. “As long as we can still service our clients, we could make big improvements to out establishment with the right purchase.”
“Ok, fine, I’m leaving then. Maybe I’ll go give that Creedance Clearheart Revival mare, or whatever she's called again, a piece of my mind.”
“Oh I’m sure she’ll be happy to offer you something in return for that.” Said Rarity. “Though I can’t guarantee it will be anything expensive.”
“Ah, phooey!”
With that final, parting curse, Applejack stormed out of the Spa, leaving Fluttershy looking rather upset looking.
“Oh, did I cause that? I’m sorry everypony. I’ll just…go then…” she said, sniffling a little, before fading from view.
“No, don’t go Fluttershy, she’ll come around to it eventually!” said Pinkie Pie, her head hopping out of the pool impressively and landing by the yellow torso on the ground. “She’s just being typically stubborn. Give it a few days.”
“Yeah, she’s always like this” said Rainbow from the tub. “Stay and enjoy yourself a little in the meantime. I mean, look at Twilight, she’s having the time of her life!”
“Oh yes, she is very tender” said Lotus, as the brain under her hooves visibly relaxed. “You will be even easier to work with, I imagine. Please, Ms. Fluttershy, join your friends.”
Fluttershy did not reappear, but her torso was soon floating towards the massage table, which was answer enough.
“…number two hundred and forty five: Walking around town when it’s not too hot, but not too cold. Number two hundred and forty six: Finding bits under your bed when you don’t expect to. Number two hundred and forty-“
“You’ve done that one.”
“Yeah, twice I think.”
“Really? Shoot. I might have to revise this list. Anyway, number two hundred and…uh…where was I?”
“I dunno, Scoots, ah kinda tuned out round about number a hundred and fifty.” Said Applebloom, her brain actually sinking lower into the jar in a show of sheer boredom. Scootaloo was silent for a bit.
“Well…ok, I’m lost. I’ll just start from the beginning. Number one…”
The two other brains groaned.
“Your sister better find us quickly. I don’t think I’ll make it through another attempt. This is the fourth, isn’t it?”
“Yup. Sad, really…”
Chapter 7: Applejack Shows Some Backbone, and Other Bones Too
“It’s such a nice day today, isn’t it?” said Lyra, as she and Bon Bon walked over to the nearest bench. Her cream-coloured companion nodded her agreement as they sat down. Lyra had bought them both a large, two-scoop strawberry ice-cream to enjoy in the sun. Pony-watching on a bright, busy day was one of their favourite things to do together. And it had gotten a lot more interesting lately.
“Oh, there goes Vinyl Scratch!” said Lyra, pointing with her hoof. “Heya, Vinyl!” The white unicorn returned the greeting before walking away, a cheery smile etched onto her face. Or rather, sketched.
“When she’s down, does she draw a sad face?” asked Bon Bona, making Lyra laugh. They watched as Vinyl walked past them and towards her house, where Octavia was waiting with her.
“Hmm…has Octavia, you know, traded anything yet?” wondered Bon Bon, aloud. “She doesn’t look any different, but if Vinyl did it I’m sure she would have at least checked the store out.”
“Hmm, I dunno if she’s the type.” Replied Lyra. “Unless she sold something internal. Like her brain or something.”
“Like Rainbow Dash?”
“Yeah, exactly. Only she’s kept the top of her head maybe?”
“I hear somebody bought the top of Rainbow’s head off of Clearheart, and that’s why Rainbow looks like that.” Said Bon Bon, shaking her head. Which also meant that Lyra was shaking her head. It was a weird feeling.
“No, really?” said Lyra. “But who’d want a silly thing like that? And what would they use it for? A candy-bowl?”
“Decoration?”
“A cereal bowl?”
“A really bad Frisbee?
“A drinking bowl?”
“Lyra, those are all just the same thing but used differently.” Said Bon Bon, sighing. Usually she would stare at Lyra to express her annoyance, but, well…
“Oh look, I think that’s Applejack coming over! Hey AJ!” Lyra waved at the orange farmpony, who was approaching at a reasonably high speed.
“She looks mad.” Observed Bon Bon, as Applejack drew closer. There was indeed a stormy look on the farmers face, although that didn’t stop Lyra from getting up off the bench and hailing her as she passed anyway
“Something the matter, Applejack?” asked Lyra to the now parallel AJ, who looked round and forced a smile.
“Oh, hello there Lyra. ‘Scuse me if I looked a little out of it there. Ah’ve, uh, got someone to see ‘bout something.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it.” Laughed Lyra, taking another lick of her ice cream. “Just a shame to think an outdoors pony like you wasn’t enjoying such a nice day!”
“Heh, well thanks for yer concern.” Said Applejack, chuckling. She seemed more relaxed, and by the way she was blushing, she was perhaps a little embrassed at how she must have come across looking so angry in public like that. “How’s Bon Bon these days? Not seen her around recently”
“I’m, like, right here.” Said Bon Bon. Applejack’s eyes went wide.
“What the-where is she?” she asked, craning her neck around. Lyra stared at her, wondering if the stress of running the farm had finally made the earth pony snap, before remembering: Applejack must not have known about the trade they made!
“Oh, how silly of us! Bon Bon, she can only see my side!” she said, laughing at her mistake.
“Your side?” asked Applejack, who was now the confused one. Lyra, who had up until this moment been facing AJ from a sideways angle, turned around in a 180 degree circle. Applejack watched with a mixture of curiosity and panic as Lyra changed into Bon Bon before her very eyes. When the rotation was complete, Bon Bon turned her head towards Applejack so that she was facing her head on. The right side of her head was hers as normal, but the left side had mint-green fur and golden eyes, with a cyan/white mane.
“So, we were in that Clearheart’s shop the other day…” said Lyra, giggling. “And we both wanted something, and then she had the most amazing idea for what we could trade! And now…”
“We’re closer than ever.” Said Bon Bon, completing her other halves sentence. The mis-matched face went cross-eyed for a moment as they both tried to stare each other in the eyes. This made their eye sight go rather fuzzy, and they both soon decided that it was a bad idea. By the time they looked up again, Applejack had disappeared.
“Huh? Where did she go?” said Lyra, looking around.
“Hey, don’t move our head too fast without warning me first!” complained Bon Bon, as they watched Applejack run off into the distance. It appeared as though she was saying the word “Nope” very loudy, over and over.
“Oh well. Maybe she’s late to see her friend.”
“I never even got to tell her about what we got from the shop…”
Applejack shook her head as she ran on down the streets, trying her best to keep her eyes on the road beneath her hooves lest she accidentally lay her eyes on some other freakish site. Had everypony but her gone crazy? Ponies missing their hooves, their insides, their heads-heck, Twilight was missing her everything, pretty much, except for her brain of course. What could be worth that? This was all wrong. And she was gonna make darn sure that Clearheart mare knew it before the night was done.
Although…if she really was the only pony in town who hadn’t fallen head over hooves for Clearheart and her bodypart-trading ways, then maybe it wasn’t everypony else who was crazy? For a brief moment, Applejack entertained the possibility that she had gotten this all wrong. Then she shook her head again, even more firmly. “Nah”, she thought to herself, “it’s everypony else who’s wrong.” Yeah, that was it. Applejack had instincts about these kind of things, and they rarely let her down. Call it a strong gut feeling. She had a moral backbone that wouldn’t be broken, and as long as she followed her heart, then-
Applejack’s eyes went wide and she stopped in her tracks. “Oh no, even mah thoughts are all body-part related! This needs to stop, now!” she said to herself. She looked around, and by complete coincidence, AJ found herself standing in front of the very store she had been seeking. “Oh, that’s convenient.” The farmer walked towards the front door, then hesitated. “Alright, girl, don’t overthink this. Get in, explain why yer right and she’s wrong, and get out. Then everything can get back to normal.” She took a deep breath, psyching herself up. “Yup. Everything’s gonna be nice and normal again…”
There was a flash of blue as Rainbow soared above the Ponyville park, doing a double barrel-roll dive-bomb that segued beautifully into a pull-up and sudden break ending. A classic Wonderbolt maneuver that she had watched intently so many times, and had now started to master. “Hah, easy! Even with this thing on!” the pegasus said to her watching crowd, adjusting the large padded helmet that she was wearing as she spoke. Twilight had wanted to experience flying, but had insisted on her wearing some sort of protection in case of any accidents, as well as to prevent the fussy brain from falling out of Rainbow’s head in the middle of a trick.
“Wooo, go Rainbow!” cheered Pinkie Pie, her four limbs applauding further along the grass ahead of the group. “And I’m loving the helmet! Goooo safety-consciousness!”
“Um, I think that’s more for Twilight than for Rainbow Dash” said Fluttershy. Or rather, the ghostly projection of Fluttershy, who was seated just next to Pinkie’s head, which was itself using the yellow pegasus’s torso as a pillow. The pink head blinked as she processed Fluttershy’s remark.
“Oooh yeah! I forgot Rainbow’s head isn’t closed up like everypony else’s these days.” Said Pinkie, as if it was some easily-overlooked detail, like a new haircut. In a roundabout sort of way, it was. “I like that look too, though! Goooo open-mindedness!”
“I enjoy your positive approach to fashion critique, Pinkie dear.” Said Rarity. The resident fashionista was lying spread out on the ground like a rug, with her two friends lying on top of her. Normally this sort of thing would be beneath Rarity, but given how light Pinkie and Fluttershy were now it wasn’t so bad. Besides, she couldn’t be “worn” by Fluttershy anymore anyway, and this was a pleasant way to thank her shy friend for her excellent services the past day or so.
The group watched as Rainbow continued to do tricks in the air with obvious relish, with tricks so exciting and thrilling that they even managed to elicit a “yaaay” from Fluttershy.
“Oh yeah, that’s it!” said Rainbow after completing a particularly complex spiraling loop-the-loop. “How d’ya like those apples?”
“Hmm…speaking of apples…” said Rarity, “I wonder what Applejack’s doing. Didn’t she say that she was going to talk to Clearheart about her business?”
“Oh yeah, she did say that. I wonder what she bought! “ said Pinkie, her ears perking up. “Ooh, and I REALLY wonder what she’s sold! I mean, probably not her legs cause she uses those, like, all the time for farming and stuff. Maybe her head! Or her butt! Or her-“
“Pinkie, darling, I really don’t think she was in a buying or selling kind of mood” interrupted Rarity. “You know what Applejack’s like, she’s far too stubborn to ever change her mind over something so, shall we say, unconventional.”
“Heehee, don’t be so silly Rarity!” laughed Pinkie Pie. “Of course she’ll sell something. We all did! It’d be too weird to have one of us NOT do a trade! Talk about awkward!”
“Hmm… I can’t deny that you have a certain logic to your theory” said Rarity, her eyes rolling around in thought as she pondered Pinkie’s hypothesis. “But I remain skeptical.”
“I think she will in time.” Said Fluttershy pensively. “But maybe not straight away. Rarity’s right, she IS very stubborn. But, um, I don’t mean that in a bad way or anything… “
“Oh, no no no” said Rarity, “Of course not. She has a lot of integrity, and I can respect that, even if I do think her fears are way off the mark…oh, Rainbow’s stopped. “ It was true-Rainbow was now hovering in mid air, looking down at something. And she seemed to be giggling.
“Oh, my…” said Fluttershy’s projection, suddenly trotting away from her friends and towards whatever it was that Rainbow had spotted (although it was more of a glide than anything, given her ethereal nature. Pinkie and Rarity stayed in their spot and watched. There seemed to be some sort of white figure slowly approaching.
“Who’s that? I don’t recognize her.” asked Rarity to her remaining companion.
“Me either, and I know everypony in town!” admitted Pinkie Pie, her face squinting so hard it was in danger of falling off. “Whoever it is, they sure need a trip to Sugurcube Corner. They’re practically skin and bones!”
The newcomer was surrounded by Rainbow and Fluttershy, so it was hard to get a proper look. But as they got closer, things got stranger.
“Pinkie, I think you were half right. She’s ALL bones.” Said Rarity. Pinkie gasped dramatically. Rarity was right-the stranger was by all intents and purposes a walking skeleton. Not a shred of skin or hair was visible. Even her eyes were missing, although she walked around as though she could see perfectly fine. It was like something right out of Nightmare Night.
“Oh my god, you’re right! This would have been so weird two days ago. It’s still pretty weird though! Hey wait, how do you know it’s a she then?”
“Well, I could point to the wide pelvic bones, or the shape of the skull, or just the very subtle gait. But the biggest clue is the hat.”
“Hat?” said Pinkie, staring harder at the approaching figure. The skeleton was indeed wearing a hat. A very familiar looking hat, actually...
“Ahahahaah!” laughed Rainbow, floating behind the skeleton and pointing an outstretched hoof at her. Then she straightened up and started to talk in an accent. “Ah sure ahm gonna go give that there mare a piece of mah mind. And some other parts too! Ahahahahaa!”
“Now come on now, ah said I was wrong already.” Said the skeleton in an even more familiar drawl. “And by the way, that sounded nothing like me, ya hear?” Rainbow laughed some more, then took her helmet off and placed it gently over the skeleton ponies skull.
“Here, I think you need this more than me” said Rainbow, in a motherly tone. “Don’t want you hurting those delicate bones.” She paused, as if listening to some internal voice. “Oh, and Twilight’s asking what happened I guess.”
“Applejack, dear, we were just talking about you!” said Rarity. “And yes, you need to tell us the story. What on earth did she offer you? Come, sit down on me and tell us.”
“Look, ah didn’t mean to get so, uh, carried away.” Said Applejack, shrugging her skeletal shoulders and parking herself on top of the spread out unicorn. “But, well, after talking for a bit, she made me fell kinda silly getting all worked up like ah was, and-
“Oh, don’t sit like that dear, your awfully bony.” Interjected Rarity.
The red unicorn took another sip of tea, before looking up again.
“So, do you still feel angry?”
It was a question asked with a clear, polite tone, but Applejack could feel the anxiety that lay underneath Clearheart’s mask of calmness. She had been hurt by Applejack’s line of questioning. It was that genuine sense of hurt, more than any answer she had given, that had convinced AJ that this strange shopkeeper had no ill-intentions or hidden motives. The earth pony chuckled softly.
“Angry? Nah. Just a little embarrassed. Ya ain’t so bad.” The shopkeeper smiled at this from behind her counter.
“Thank you. I am sorry if you had the wrong impression about my business.”
“Ah should be the one apologising, miss. Read you all wrong. Probably cause ah never really talked to you before now.” Applejack reached up and took her hat off of her head, pressing it against her chest and closing her eyes. “Forgive me.”
“Oh please, no need to be so theatrical.” Said Clearheart, gently. “Let’s let bygones be bygones and move on in the spirit of friendship, yes?”
“Heh. Sounds like something Twilight would say.”
“Oh, I have so much respect for Princess Twilight. She actually had a similar conversation with me the other day. It makes me very happy that everypony here is so amiable to civilized discourse.” Clearheart sighed, and suddenly there was a far away look in her eyes. “Not everywhere I’ve been to is so pleasant.”
“Really?” asked Applejack.
“This is not the first town I’ve set up my shop in. I’ve made my way around Equestria, doing small scale trades in small towns. I had a brief residency in Trottingham. They used to be such a liberal sort over there, but alas, times have changed…”
“And now yer here.”
“Yes. Now I’m here. And it’s been the happiest I’ve felt in a long time. You’ve all come to accept my practice-embrace it even.”
“Oh ah know.” Chuckled Applejack. “Can’t cross the street without bumping into a pony who’d traded with ya. Feels like the whole town has by now. Heck, it’s part of the reason ah got so freaked out.” Two ponies laughed at the memory of Applejack’s paranoia. After a while, though, it became apparent that Clearheart was looking at the earth pony in a leading sort of way, staring directly into those honest green eyes as if looking for something.
“Ah…guess you’re gonna offer me a trade, then.” Said Applejack.
“Just an offer. I won’t be offended if you refuse.”
“Well…” Applejack shrugged and smiled. “Aww what the heck, you’ve got me in a generous kinda mood. Go ahead, what was yer idea?” Clearheart grinned, then indicicated that she was going to be going into the back of the store. Applejack waited for her as she rummaged through her stock of goods, feeling at once a tiny bit anxious but also curious. Clearheart’s piercing look stayed with her. A Cutie Mark of a heart with a crystal ball in it… it must be her talent. Even Applejack wasn’t sure what the enigmatic trader could offer her though. She was a simple pony with simple needs. All she cared for was her family, her friends and her farm-
“Ah, here we are!”
Clearheart returned. But she was not alone. Applejack could hear what sounded like heavy hooves on the floor in an unnaturally precise rhythm. This was accompanied by smaller sounds whose purpose or origin were hard to discern-whirring, clanking noises. Out of the darkness of the backroom stepped a large, very strange looking pony with a dull silver coat, wearing what looked like some sort of classic maid’s outfit. Although, looking harder, Applejack soon realised that this was no ordinary pony.
“Applejack, I would like you to meet Rosie.”
“Hello there!” said Rosey, in a slightly distorted, very metallic voice. Her face was considerably squarer than a normal pony’s would be, as were her eyes, which shone bright red. Gears stuck out her back, turning and grinding slowly as she moved. “It’s lovely to meet you.”
“Uh…howdy. Pleasure.” Said Applejack, tipping her hat awkwardly at the robotic pony. “So…yer offering me a robotic maid?”
“Oh, she’s more than that.” Said Clearheart, grinning. “Isn’t that right, Rosie?”
“That’s right! I’m not just a maid-I can lift up to 5 tons, follow complex instructions, can traverse indoor and outdoor terrain, and even entertain children!” said Rosie, beeping cheerfully as she spoke.
“She was one of four such robots created by a very forward-thinking group of scientists-the Iron Initiative, I think its name was.”
“Never heard of it”
“Well, that’s not surprising.They were very secretive. Too secretive, as it turns out-they didn’t leave any notes on how they built their robots. I’ve no doubt though that just one would revolutionize your farm. Plus she’s very sweet.”
“Clearheart, you’re embarrassing me!” said the robot pony, eyes blinking.
“So what about the others?”
“Oh, they’ll find a good home in time. Don’t worry, they don’t mind being separated. They’re not children.”
“We’re actually older than both of you. Our creators were very smart ponies. “ Applejack looked Rosie in the eye, so to speak. The robot smiled back, her “mouth” being essentially decoration but still able to convey emotion. She looked eager, in fact.
“So you’ll take it?” asked Clearheart. Slowly, the farmpony nodded.
“… yeah, ah will.”
“Excellent, then-“
“BUT!” said Applejack suddenly, “Ah still want to be able to move around and stuff after ya take whatever it is you wanna take. Ah’m still a farm pony at heart, gotta be able to work.”
“Oh, that’s ok, you’ll be perfectly unimpaired. Now just stand there and do as I say, this won’t be a minute.”
Clearheart came out from behind her counter, levitating a scalpel in her magic. Applejack watched it warily as the shopkeeper stepped behind her, then shivered as she felt a strange magical sensation wash over her body, like being submerged in a warm bath. Then she felt something being drawn down along her back, from just above her butt to the base of her skull.
“Hey,y’all ain’t taking mah spine, are ya?” she asked, looking behind her.
“As I said, I’m not taking anything that will compromise your movement. Now please don’t move during this part, I need to be precise.”
Applejack turned around again and stared into space as Clearheart went to work. She could feel something strange, like her skin was being stretched and released over and over. When she started to feel like she was being undressed, a light bulb went off in her head.
“Oooh…yer taking mah pelt, then.” She said, flatly. Clearheart stopped her working for a minute, with Applejack’s back muscles plainly exposed.
“Is that a problem?” she asked, scalpel hovering in mid air. Applejack bit her lip, thinking.
“Well… “ Applejack had never considered herself “pretty”, in the same way that somepony like Rarity clearly was. True beauty lay on the inside. That’s what Granny Smith had told her, right? She believed that. “It’s a fair price, considering what ah’m getting in return.”
“Yes, I thought you’d say that. You don’t seen a superficial mare.” Said Clearheart, returning to her work. She asked Applejack to raise her legs when she had to do those, one at a time, and before long she had started to peel away everything from her legs up to her chest, and eventually her neck. Applejack winced a little when she felt the scalpel push its way up under the skin of her head and face, disconnecting all the tissue connections there, but it was over before lone, and with one lust tug her skin came away in one piece.
“There, that wasn’t so bad was it?” asked Clearheart, holding her prize up with a clear sense of pride, before starting to fold it up into a square. Applejack looked down at her raw muscles, flexing and twisting her body, studying herself. She looked like a griffon’s dinner. A thought struck her. Her muscles were well defined after years of farm service. Her eyes flicked over Rosie, who had watched silently during the skinning processes. One of four…
“Hmm…” she said.
“Is something the matter?” Clearheart asked the skinned pony, as she finished folding the orange pelt.
“Wait just a minute” said Rainbow Dash. “She skinned you whole…and you asked her to take more?!”
“Well, ah looked pretty gnarly” said Applejack. “And ah knew that ah could get all of those robot ponies if ah played it right. Ah was just getting the best deal possible for the farm. And for Rosie, the poor thing. You don’t just separate family like that. T’aint right.”
“Oh my, how selfless of you!” said Rarity. “You really are a decent pony, Applejack.”
“Aw shucks, was just good business sense is all.” Said the skeleton. “Y’all making me blush.”
“We’re really not.”
“Ya know what ah mean, Rainbow. So yeah, ah got rid of everything else till eventually ah looked like this.” Said Applejack, shuffling on the spot as if to highlight her new form. Rainbow suddenly groaned.
“Oh, does it really matter? She’s a walking skeleton, who cares how!” she said. When she noticed that everypony was not staring at her, she giggled nervously.
“Oh right, you guys can’t hear Twilight. She’s asking how you can still move without muscles.”
“I was wondering that myself, to be honest… “ admitted Fluttershy. Applejack shrugged.
“Well Rainbow manages fine without her brain, and Rarity’s still doing ok with no bones. I dunno how her magic works, and didn’t really care to ask. The important thing is-ah got me three more helpers for the farm. One for mah muscles, guts and mah brain.”
“Oh, she took your brain as well?” asked Rainbow.
“Yeah, pulled it right outta mah ear hole. Ah can see the appeal to be honest. Feels like a weight of mah shoulders.”
“I know, right?” said Rainbow, putting a friendly arm round her boney friend’s shoulder. “Who needs it!” There was a pause. “Er, no offense Twilight.”
“Haha, odd pony out, Twi!” laughed Pinkie. “We all sold our brains, and you’re nothing but a brain! Oooh, wouldn’t it be weird if this was all just a plot to steal the Elements of Harmony’s brains for some evil magical spell?” Pinkie laughed, before quickly adding a “Just kidding!” when she noticed a few nervous stares.
“So, were are your robot helpers now?” asked Rarity.
“Aww, ah sent them back to the farm. They’re probably making themselves mighty useful as we speak!”
Applejack’s instructions had been clear to each of the robot servants. Work the farms, speak if spoken too, and “fer goodness sake stay from Granny ‘till ah’ve spoken to her bout all this.” Rosie was, if nothing else, excellent at following instructions. Oh it felt good to have a master again. Clearheart was a lovely pony, but outside of helping to look for some of the harder to find items in the shop, there wasn’t much for them to do. This was proper work, like in the olden days. Current directive: collecting food and resources.
During her work, which was spent mostly cleaning up old apples, the odd bit of garbage and miscellaneous lost items that had found their way onto the farm, Rosie had spotted a tree house. Her sensors detected signs of life that seemed to indicate that something, or maybe someone, was in there. And so, with great care, she had climbed the ladder and stepped inside.
She gasped. Three bodies, unmoving, lying next to a fish tank. Her life sensors scanned the room. The three bodies were still alive, although they seemed to be missing their central processing units (or brains as the ponies called them). The fish tank also had life in it. Those must be fish in there, she concluded. She addressed the three fillies, but they must have been sleeping because they did not respond.
Rosie thought about this. She was no doctor-maybe she should bring them back to the other robots to see what they thought? Yes, that would do. Maybe they had left their CPU’s in the main farmhouse. Or maybe these were simply obsolete bodies in need of recycling, after all. It would be very silly to talk to old bodies like that. Rosie picked the three prone bodies up like they were toys, before exiting the tree house, humming an old work tune to herself as she went. She made a mental note to return here to feed the fish.
“I wonder why they keep them in a tree house all the way out here? Ponies can be so strange!”
The worst thing about being a skeleton, at least in Applejack’s admittedly short experience of being skeletal, was that it was much harder to wear a hat. Instead of a nice mane to rest it on, there was now nothing but smooth bone, which made the darn thing slide around whenever she moved her skull. Not only that, but she didn’t even have any ears to at least stop it from sliding all the way off. The farmer skeleton had been forced to stop and pick her beloved Stetson out of a ditch at least 3 times on her way home from the park. She made a mental note to engineer some sort of solution to the problem. Maybe she’s just glue it on.
Still, Applejack had to admit, arriving at the farm and seeing her newest acquisitions hard at work filled her with a certain amount of satisfaction. A shortage of good hooves had been a perennial problem pretty much forever around Sweet Apple Acres. Now that would all be a thing of the past. She could see that her robot helpers had been filled in on what to do and were working away with commendable efficiency. As she moved forwards, one of them-she recognised her as Rosie-put down the can of paint she had been applying to the wall and approached the bony pony.
“Good evening, Master!” she said in that distorted voice of hers.
“Howdy there, Rosie! And Applejack is just fine, thanks.” Said AJ, smiling as she always was these days. She asked the robotic maid what had been done on the farm, and Rosie started to fill her in.
“Oh yes, Boxer’s away helping your brother with some of the heavy lifting on the other side of the farm. Servo and Penny Worth are seeing to the last apple harvest, as you can see-hello, you two!” Rosie waved at her fellow robots, who were sorting out basket after basket of freshly harvested apples a little ways off to the right. “And I was just finishing off here. I saw that the walls needed a fresh coat and went right ahead applying them.”
“Mighty good of you, Rosie, ah like ponies with initiative. Anything else?” Rosie’s eyes lit up briefly as she remembered something.
“Ah, yes, I was wanting to ask you about something curious. I found three bodies on the farm.” Applejack wasn’t really capable of choking anymore, but hearing this produced a similar reaction. “Beg pardon?!”
“Three fillies, to be exact.” Continued Rosie with a neutral cheeriness. Applejack went pale, but given that she was a skeleton this wasn’t really indicative of anything. Rosie did notice a certain level of distress though. “Oh, they’re still alive and breathing. They’re just missing their CPU’s, so their not very responsive at the moment”
“Oh thank goodness, ya had me worried!” said Applejack, shaking her skull. “Was wondering where those girls had gotten of too lately. Guess I got too caught up in all this Clearheart nonsense.” She tutted, scolding herself internally for being such a careless big sister. “Are they ok, then?”
“Vital systems appear functional, yes. I was keeping them in storage on the off chance that their original users would want them back. If not we could dismantle them for parts, or perhaps Cogsworth could make a hearty meal of them.”
“A… meal?!”
“Oh yes. Cogsworth has the most recipes installed into him out of all of us, you see. I’m told that he knows an apparently very satisfying Griffon dish involving-
“No, no cooking! Or taking them apart, or anything else weird like that!” Said the skeleton to the robot. “Just keep ‘em in storage for now. Good thing it’s only their seepee yous that’re missing.” There was a beat. “What the heck is a seepee you, anyway?”
“Central Processing Unit, Maste-er, Applejack. The brain, as it’s known.”
“Their brains are missing? And they’re still breathing and stuff? Hmm….” Applejack rubbed her skull with her hoof. Freaky body stuff in ponyville only led to one pony. She sighed, before readjusting her hat before it slid off again. “Rosie, take care of the girls for me. Ah’m gonna have another talk with yer previous owner ‘bout something.” She trotted off back the way she came as Rosie went to attend to the currently unoccupied bodies she had found. After about five minutes, her eyes lit up again.
“Oh, I forgot to ask about the fish up in that treehouse!” she said to herself. “The poor little things. I better go feed them now. I bet they’re hungry.” She chuckled to herself in her robotic voice. “Heehee, I’ve never had a pet before. I bet this is what that must feel like!”
At the same time, there was another pony heading towards the CMC treehouse. Two ponies, actually.
“Ok, should be there any second now.” Said Rainbow Dash as she flew towards Sweet Apple Acres. A short while after AJ had left, and just as the others were all making their own ways home, it had occurred to each of them individually that they hadn’t seen their sisters, or surrogate sisters in Dash’s case, in quite a long while. When they couldn’t find them in their usual places, and after a mild freak out, everyone met up again and agreed to go look for them. Pinkie and Twi were off to the Everfree to ask Zecora, and Spike had agreed to help Fluttershy ask around town. That left Rarity and Rainbow to go check the clubhouse.
Rainbow seen the little wooden treehouse come into view, and her eyes narrowed.
“There it is! You ready to land, Rarity?” asked the pegasus, looking behind her shoulder. Rarity was unable to respond. Rainbow had tied the empty skin of her hooves around her neck, effectively turning her fashionista friend into a fashionable cape. A side effect of this was that, when flying full speed, Rarity’s head was flapping behind in such a way that made speech impossible, or at least completely inaudible to anyone. Still, Rainbow reckoned Rarity would be fine. It’s not like she had any bones to break, after all.
Rainbow flew straight into the clubhouse landed right in the middle of the floor.
“Perfect landing from the Dash!” she said out loud, tying Rarities hooves loose and letting her fall to the floor. “You ok?” she asked the deflated unicorn. There was a muffle response, presumably because Rarity was lying face down. Dash turned her over and smiled apologetically. “Sorry, sorry.”
“I’ve had more pleasant trips, I’ll admit.” Said Rarity. “Next time, be a sweetheart and just wear me like I asked, yes?”
“No way, then people wouldn’t be able to see me! That’s terrible!”
“Of course. I suppose your wings wouldn’t be able to properly fit either unless you cut holes in me.”
“Uh, yeah, that too I guess.” Shrugged Dash, who hadn’t actually considered that at all. She looked around the treehouse. “Aw, dangit, they’re not here. There’s just those weird pink things in the tank over there.”
“Oh, that’s a shame. Wait, pink whats? Let me see.” Rainbow picked up her boneless friend by the shoulders and lifted her up. This worked well for about half a second before Rarity’s head flopped down onto her chest.
“For the love of…” Rainbow muttered. She leaned forward, took a mouthful of mane in her teeth and pulled so that Rarity could finally see.
“Ta, darling! Now let’s see…” Rarity gasped. “My goodness, are those brains? And there’s three of them, in this clubhouse. Yes, I think I can piece together what’s happened here.” She sighed. “The poor dears must have went to Clearheart to make a swap. Oh, this is my fault, isn’t it? They seen us trading away parts and wanted to emulate us.”
“Mfmf fmf ffghr” said Dash.
“Pardon?”
“I said we need to go get their bodies back!” said Dash, letting go of Rarity altogether. “They’re just fillies, what if they regret it in future! Come on, let’s take them over right away.” She picked up the unicorn again and started to tie her back onto her neck. “I hope this tank thingy isn’t too heavy.”
“If you drop it I’m going to be extremely upset, darling.”
Twilight had been a little wary of going through the Everfree Forest in such a reduced state, but it was a fairly uneventful trip to Zecora’s hut. She had spent it inside Pinkie’s head, looking out through her eyes and hearing through her ears. Truth be told there was a part of Twilight that had been expecting to see all kinds of weird things when looking at the world through the party pony’s eyes, which made Pinkie laugh.
“Oh, you mean like what I see as orange you see as green? And what I see as pink you see as purple? Oooh, then I’d be Purple Pie!”
“Haha, well maybe I’ll get round to solving that problem sooner rather than later.”
When they reached the hut and knocked on the door, Zecora answered with a friendly look on her face, before immediately realizing that something was different from usual.
“Hi, Zecora!” said Pinkie, waving with one of her detached forelegs. “Have you seen Applebloom or her friends recently? We’ve not seem them, and we know she likes to come up here and hang out sometimes!”
“I hope the girls are safe and sound, but I have not seen them around.” Said Zecora, still with a somewhat stunned look on her face. “Pinkie Pie, could you impart-what happened to your middle part?”
“Huh? Oh!” Pinkie giggled and rolled her eyes. “My torso! I sold it at a shop for magic baking tools! Like, obviously!” Her limbs, which were as restless as they were when they were attached to her torso, started to hop around her as she explained this This information did little to dull the zebra’s surprise.
“I’ve never heard of such a store. Could you perhaps tell me more?” Pinkie went to open her mouth, before stopping for a few seconds, eyes focusing on some unseen point.
“Sorry, Twilight’s telling me to focus. We really gotta find those fillies.”
“Twilight Sparkle? She is here?” asked Zecora, something growing even more incredulous. “I cannot sense her here, I fear.”
“Oh, she’s in my head. She’s just a brain now!” said Pinkie. “Twilight says hi, by the way”
“For you to sell so much, so soon… you must have received quite the boon.”
“Oh yeah, she got a book!” said Pinkie. “And in return, she sold her…well, everything but her brain. Including her butt!” There was another moment of quiet from Pinkie. “Sorry Twi, I won’t talk about your butt anymore.” Zecora finally understood what was happening whenever there was pause like that-Pinkie was listening to the unheard voice of Twilight Sparkle, who must be able to communicate from inside the earth pony’s head. Her look of bewilderment softened slightly into a smile.
“This magic is unknown to me, such unfamiliar territory!” said the Zebra. “But I will save this discussion for later. Your need to find the Crusaders is greater.”
“Thanks, Zecora. We’ll let you know when we find them! Say bye, Twilight!... Twilight says bye”
With that Pinkie’s parts began to scurry back the way they came, with one last wave from a foreleg before disappearing off into the trees. Zecora watched them go, but in her mind she was wondering what sort of shop had sprung up in a quiet town like Ponyville. And what sort of pony ran a shop like that? She was looking forward to finding out.
Octavia didn’t like the look of the shop. It was, in her estimation, rather ugly, and she let her companion know as much.
“Really, Vinyl, this whole fad is just that-a fad. In a month you’ll all be back here trading your things back for those little trinkets you gave away. You know, like your face”. If Vinyl Scratch was bothered by her fellow musician’s remarks she didn’t let it show. Her face was the picture of calmness, mostly because it was literally a picture drawn onto the featureless white surface of her face. She had always been hard to get a read on,, but now the DJ could take this to new levels. It made it hard to argue with her, and even harder to play poker with. Still, Octavia was a natural complainer.
“I mean there’s nothing I particularly want anyway. Not badly enough that I’d want to part with, say, my legs. Or my ears, or my fur, or any other part of me. Maybe I’m just strange that way.” Vinyl cocked her head sideways, almost imperceptibly. Seeing this, Octavia sighed.
“Yes, I know the whole point is that you don’t know what you want until you see it. At least according to you. But I really can’t imagine anything I would be so desperate for-and stop looking at me that way, you can’t guilt me into going through with this.” Octavia looked away haughtily, and seen a ghost. “Aaaa!”
“Eeeep!” said the ghost, shrinking backwards. Octavia, who could keep her composure better than most ponies, regarded the strange sight. She looked awfully familiar.
“Fluttershy? Is that you?” she asked, carefully. “The Element of Kindness?” The pale yellow ghost nodded shyly, looking away.
“Um, yes, that’s me, thanks. Ms, uh…”
“Octavia. Charmed.” The earth pony held out a hood to shake, which Fluttershy promptly took. Octavia had been half-expecting the ghostly hoof to sink right through her own, but to her surprise she felt the fur and flesh as if everything was normal, albeit without even a hint of warmth in it. Deciding to be polite and not ask about why she was now a ghost, Octavia continued the conversation. If she was lucky Vinyl would grow bored and they could go home and have tea. “So, how can I help you?”
“Oh, well, I was wondering if you’d seen three little fillies anywhere? You might have seen them, the, um, Cutie Mark Crusaders they like to call themselves. Haha…”
“Oh yes, I know the ones you mean.” Said Octavia, waving a hoof. “I remember them trying to learn the piano once, it was wonderfully amusing. Isn’t that right, Vinyl?” She turned around and found that Vinyl had erased her drawn-on face. In its place was a single word: “Yo.”. Even without a mouth, she could be so uncouth.
“At any rate,” continued Octavia, “I’ve not seen them myself. Apologies.” Fluttershy sagged little, sighing.
“Oh, I do hope they’re ok. No one’s seen them at all, at least the ponies that I’ve asked. I hope Spike’s having more success-oh, actually…”
The ghostly pegasus trailed off, staring off to the side. Both Octavia and Vinyl followed her gaze. A dragon wearing a Stetson was riding a skeletal mount through the centre of town . If reduced to this bare fact then that might sound very cool, or like the cover of a heavy metal album. It was certainly striking enough to leave all three mares speechless-Vinyl even went so far as to draw a pair of wide eyes and a gaping mouth as her face. But there were a few small details that brought the scene down a few levels, in terms of epicness. For a start, the dragon was very clearly a baby dragon, and his skeletal mount, far from being a demonic harbringer of doom, was politely greeting several ponies as it passed.
“Oh, there’s Spike now!” said Fluttershy, waving at him. “And Applejack’s back so soon? I wonder if she has good news!” Spike had spotted Fluttershy and relayed this to Applejack, who started to trot over. Fluttershy asked them what they had heard.
“Ah found them, alright. Well, most of ‘em. Their brains are all missing, and ah got a pretty good hunch where they might have gotten to.” The skeleton pointed to the shop building behind them.
“I mean, I dunno… “ said Spike, still seated on Applejack’s back. “Don’t you usually get something in return? This seems more like, I dunno, stealing.” He wiggled and say up slightly. “You know this isn’t as comfy as I thought it would be. Your spine’s kind digging into my butt.” Applejack snorted.
“Oh, well in that case…” In an instant Spike found himself launched off of his ride and landing in a heap on the ground. As he picked himself up, grumbling all the while, he seemed to spot something.
“Hey, is that Rainbow Dash?” he said. Everyone looked up. There was a blue blur approaching at speed. She was holding something rather large and rectangular in her hooves, and there was another detail that seemed to stir debate among the observers.
“What on earth is she wearing?” asked Octavia.
“Looks like a weird cape or something.” Offered Applejack. “First that tacky jacket and now this. Rarity needs to have a word in the poor girl’s ear.”
“Um, I think that is Rarity.” Said Fluttershy, softly.
“Don’t be silly, Fluttershy, Rarity can’t fly! She’s a unicorn!”
“No, I mean, I think that Rainbow is, um, wearing Rarity. As a cape.” Everyone immediately looked up at the now rapidly approaching Dash. That was indeed a familiar shade of white flapping behind the brainless pegasus, who landed right beside where Applejack was standing. She immediately dropped her cargo and collapsed, panting heavily. Her “cape” looked around at everyone.
“Oh don’t mind her, she’s just a little winded. I did tell her carrying that thing all the way here was a little ambitious.”
“Still managed it...” panted Rainbow. Spike walked over the recovering pegasus, taking great care not to step on any part of Rarity, and examined the cargo. It looked like a large water tank, the sort you would keep fish in. And inside of it floated three small, pink, wrinkly…
“Brains!”
Everyone jumped, including Rainbow, who landed on her hooves and stood there trembling. The source of the voice bounced happily into view.
“Pinkie Pie! You’re back so soon?” asked Spike. “That should have taken you hours!”
“Well… it didn’t!” said Pinkie, cheerfully. Nobody argued-they all knew better. Even Octavia, who didn’t know Pinkie quite as well as the others, and who would normally not let go of such a weird, inexplicable detail, knew that trying to explain how Pinkie managed such feats was the path to madness. Although given how incredibly weird Ponyville had gotten recently, she was beginning to suspect that she had gone mad already.
“So let me guess, those are the missing brains Applejack was talking bout, huh.” Said Spike, poking the glass of the tank with a curious claw. The girls behind him started to relay exactly what it was they learned in their respective fact-finding missions. During this, Octavia decided that this was the perfect time to politely retreat from the proceedings. “We can come back tomorrow once all of this has cleared up, ok?” she said to Vinyl, who had somehow managed to draw a look of disappointed acceptance on her face. She was getting pretty good with that pen.
“So…heck I’m confused, how did this happen again?” asked Applejack, who had retrieved her Stetson from Spike and was now trying to find that perfect spot on her skull for it.
“I think we might as well ask her while we’re here.” Said Rarity, still draped over Rainbow.
“Ask me what?”
For what seemed like the 10th time in a minute, everyone gasped and turned around. Clearheart had just left her store, and was standing outside of it with a look of polite curiosity on her face. There was an awkward silence until, eventually, Applejack spoke.
“Uh, howdy, Clearheart. Begging your pardon, we were just a little…we was wondering…” the skeleton started to fidget nervously with her hat as she sought the best words for what she was asking. “We wanted to know…”
“Oh, are those brains in there?” asked the shopkeeper mare, moving over alongside Spike and peering into the tank. “How lovely! Oh, these seem smaller than a normal adults brain… “
“That’s cause they are!” said Rainbow. “We found them like this, away from their bodies. We thought you mighta did a trade or something, but know I don’t know what the hay’s going on!” The other girls all nodded their heads and showed their agreement as Clearheart continued to stare into the water.
“Hmm… have you tried simply asking them yourselves?” she said, eventually. There was a pause, before Pinkie’s head shot up to practically normal head height in apparent excitement before coming back down again.
“Yeah, that’s a great idea! Oh, Twilight is –fuming- that she didn’t think of it herself!” said the pink head. “Quick, let’s put them in our heads!” Clearheart and Rarity began to levitate the brains out of the tank. They had no idea of telling which one was which, so they simply chose at random. One went in Rainbow’s open skull, one was squeezed in through Applejack’s eye sockets, and the last was bundled into Rarity’s mouth into the general area of her head. After a few seconds, each of the three started to react.
“It’s them!” said Rainbow, before stopping. “I got Applebloom here. Yeah, don’t worry, everyone’s safe.”
“Ah, I have Scootaloo in my head.” Announced Rarity, before tutting. “Now now, it’s very rude to complain, it’s not my fault there’s no bones in there… er, it’s a long story.”
“Yup, ah got Sweetie Belle. She’s,uh, a little out of it. Talking bout never-ending math equations and such.” Applejack said. “Guess being a brain in a jar for a day or so’ll do that to a girl. Alright, let’s find out what happened.” There was a long period of silence as all three of the older sisters listened to the voices in their heads, which only they could hear. At some point they swapped around until every sisterly pair was back together again.
“I love family reunions…” sniffed an emotional Pinkie Pie, as one of her legs dabbed at her eye with a handkerchief. Eventually, Rarity cleared her throat. Her head was hanging upside down, weighed down by the brain inside of it and swinging gently back and forth.
“Well, from what Scootaloo and Sweetie have told me, and from what we’ve shared with each other, I believe we finally have a consensus as to what exactly transpired.” Everyone present, including Clearheart, leaned forward eagerly. Pinkie even took off the top of her skull so that Twilight could lean over. After a tense pause, Applejack delivered the truth.
Being a brain in a jar meant that it was very, very easy to sleep. Twilight was not a lazy pony by any extent of the imagination, and she had often found herself frustrated at how often she would find Rainbow Dash snoozing away on a cloud late into the afternoons. But now, after spending a few days suspended in a potion, with no way of seeing or hearing, it was impossible not to doze off on occasion. She had no senses save for the vague feeling of being surrounded by water, leaving her oblivious to everything around her. Indeed, it had occurred to her that staying in a jar for too long might make her lose all sense of time and space.
Of course, Twilight would make sure to experience that at least once just to see what it was like. But right now, and until she best figured out how to recreate her senses while in the jar, the jarred princess was entirely reliant on a certain blue pegasus to act as her gateway to the outside world. After all, there was no point in trading in your entire body for a book you couldn’t read, was there? Dash had made her dissatisfaction with this arrangement well known. Often, and loudly. Twilight was sure she would figure out a way. There was a spell for anything, if you knew what you were doing.
On the morning after finding the CMC, Twilight was jolted from her formless dreams as she felt a pair of hooves grab hold of her lobes, the tell-tale sign that Dash had woken from her own slumber. She braced herself for the incoming sensual assault, and within a few seconds, Twilight was looking around her bedroom again, safe and sound inside her friend’s empty head. They had spent tonight in Twilight’s castle. After the business with the crusaders the others day, Twilight had no intention of leaving Spike on his own, even if the dragon had insisted that he was doing fine by himself.
“Morning, Twi.” Came Rainbow’s voice, as she yawned. “Sleep well?”
“Great, thanks!” replied Twilight, her voice sounding only within the confines of Rainbow’s mind. “You know, I bet you would love being a brain in a jar. It’s the best sleep you’ll ever get!”
“A little too late for that now.”
“I guess. What time is it?” Twilight watched as her field of vision moved of its own accord as it looked for a nearby clock. “Uh, just after ten. Urgh, is that all it is? I might just…go back to bed…”
“Actually, I was kinda hoping to see Clearheart about last night.” Said Twilight. “I want to apologize. She seemed…sad.” She recalled the look on the unicorn’s red-coated face as the matter of the missing fillies had been resolved. It had maintained the studied neutrality that was her trademark, but Twi had sensed a certain melancholy from her. Maybe it was because she had been in Pinkie’s head at the time and picked up that strange, inexplicable intuition during her time there? Whatever it was, there was a bad feeling lurking in the back of her brain that she needed to deal with.
Twilight explained as much to her friend as best as she could.
“Well, if you say so.” Dash replied, shrugging. “I don’t know why this can’t wait till a reasonable time, though.”
“Ten o’clock is a reasonable time, Dash.”
“Whatever. It’s not like she’s going to have moved away or anything.”
Dash stood on the shop floor, mouth agape. Scores of large wooden boxes lay around the wooden floorboards, heaped on top of each other and packed seemingly to bursting. There was a wagon outside apparently waiting to be filled, although nothing had been loaded yet. In front of her, Clearheart was currently in the storeroom, fetching items to pack into one final box.
“It was always how it would go. I told you; I’ve always been a traveller.” Said the shopkeeper. Her voice was calm and flat, more so than usual. There was the sound of glass clinking in the back. “I’ve never said I would stay here forever.”
“Yeah, but you never said you would be leaving, like, straight away!” said Dash, shaking her open head. “That’s crazy!”
“It’s what I do. I’m sorry, Ms. Dash.” Clearheart reappeared. She was levitating five jars in her magic as she walked in front of the shop counter. Dash squinted her eyes.
“Wait a minute. Those look familiar…”
“They should. Well, one should.” Said the unicorn, bringing one of the jars over for Rainbow to hold. The pegasus stared into the glass. There was a brain floating inside of it.
“Huh.” She said. “Someone I know?”
“It’s yours.” Said Clearheart, causing Rainbow to almost drop the jar in surprise. “I hope you’re still satisfied with your trade? I see you’re not wearing your jacket this morning.” Rainbow realised that she was right, and looked down at her very much unclothed body.
“Oh, yeah. Don’t worry, that baby’s taken pride of place in my wardrobe. I don’t wear it all the time, though. Who wears clothes all the time?” She asked.” Even Rarity wouldn’t go that far.” She shook the jar and giggled as her brain bobbed up and down. “Heh. Nice to see you again, buddy. So is that everyone else’s brain, then?” she asked, indicating the other jars.
“That’s right. Except for Princess Twilight, naturally.” Replied Clearheart, causing Rainbow to subconsciously reach up and rub on her friend’s lobes. “The rest of their parts are in those boxes,a long with the trinkets I have left. The princess took two boxes, actually.” Rainbow looked around, feeling a little weird at the idea of there being so many body parts lying all around her, unseen and packed away. Her attention refocused on her own brain, the brain she had traded away for a sweet jacket. She sensed that this would be the last time she ever saw it.
“Hey, before you put that away…can I…”
“Go ahead.” Said Clearheart, smiling faintly as she watched the pegasus retrieve her former brain from its glass container. Rainbow hadn’t really missed it at all in the time since the trade, but as she looked at the wet, winkled little thing she did feel a pang of…nostalgia? She wasn’t good at articulating that kind of thing. She held it up to the other brain currently taking up space in her head. Curious, she quickly removed Twilight and held them up together, as if to compare.
“Heeey, did mines shrink or something?” she asked, brow furrowing. Clearheart suddenly turned away, raising a hoof to her mouth.
“It’s…possible.” She said, as Rainbow quickly popped the bigger organ back inside her head.
“Yeah, it must have.” Affirmed the pegasus, nodding her head. “Well either that or I’ve been feeding Twilight too many treats since she got jarrrasfeosefhj.” Dash’s body twitched violently for a second or two before going still, head lolling, and she dropped her brain onto the wooden floorboards. Concerned, Clearheart put the other jars down in their waiting box and trotted over to the malfunctioning Rainbow.
“Are you…feeling well?” she asked. Rainbow blinked, before raising her head and smiling sheepishly.
“Er, sorry about that.” She said. “This is Twilight Sparkle speaking.” This earned a brief look of surprise from the shopkeeper, but the maroon shopkeeper’s face soon broke out into a smile.
“I wasn’t sure if that was possible.” She said.
“It’s not difficult, although this is the first time I’ve tried it when Dash has been awake.
“Is she still conscious?”
“Uh, yes. Very much so.” Said Twidash, wincing a little. “Sorry Rainbow! I won’t be long, I promise!” The voice was still Rainbow’s, although the exact patterns of her speech had definitely changed. Clearheart couldn’t help but marvel at the site.
“I’ve done this for a long time, but there is always something new for me to experience.” She said, before starting to close the box of jars beneath her.
“What about making friends?” The question hit the shopkeeper like a hammer, and she was visibly stunned. Twidash sensed that she had hit a raw nerve, and continued on. “You’re a really unique sort of pony, Clearheart, and I know that we’d all love you to stay.” The shopkeeper said nothing, looking down at the now sealed box, before sighing.
“I am not good at making friends.” She said. “Ponies find it hard to trust me. I can’t blame them. Even you and your friends didn’t fully trust me, remember? Those fillies went missing, and their first thought was I had something to do with it.” There was no anger in her voice. Just a sense of sad acceptance, which somehow hit Twilight harder. She walked over to Clearheart, who looked up into sympathetic eyes.
“I’m sorry for that. We all felt bad-“
“It’s not your fault. As I said, I don’t blame them. I’m secretive by nature. This happens a lot”
“But you can’t just up sticks and leave every time there’s a misunderstanding!” said Twidash, trying her best not to sound exasperated. “You might not think you can make friends, but I think you’re wrong. Stay, and I’ll prove it.” There was a pause. “Dash says that you’re…well the term she’s using is “way awesome”. So she agrees with me, basically.” Clearheart let out a little laugh.
“That does sound like something Ms. Dash would say.” She looked around the room full of boxes, shaking her head. “This is a nice town, really. I’ve never done so much business in a single place before.”
“What were you planning on doing with the parts you got, anyway?” asked Twidash, looking around as well at the huge collection that Clearheart had acquired in mere days.
“Oh, I get all sorts of buyers looking for the right sort of purchase. Alchemists, enchanters, cooks…”
“Ah, well that makes sen-wait, cooks?!”
“Of course! Griffons and Dragons have to eat too, you know.” Said Clearheart, shrugging. “And some ponies just like collecting strange things. Brains are a popular choice on that front. They make good conversation pieces, I imagine.”
“Hah, I bet.” The two of them sighed happily. The sun had started to stream into the room through the windows, and there were one or two passers-by. Clearheart trotted over to the door and stuck her head out, and Twidash came over to join her. Derpy Hooves was walking down the street with Dinky on her shoulders, the young filly acting as a sort of jockey, guiding her steed along. Dinky looked over and waved happily at Clearheart, and once Derpy figured out what was happening she gave a cheery wave as well. Her brand new unicorn horn was tied around her neck, swaying in the wind.
“Rarity told me about them.” Said Twidash, as the shopkeeper looked on. “And Fluttershy said they’re both closer than ever these days.” They watched as the two grey mares disappeared down the road. “You’ve done a lot of good in this town, Clearheart. Ponies would be really sad if you had just disappeared without even saying goodbye…”
“I… hmm.” Clearheart turned away suddenly, coughing, and a hoof quickly wiped something away from her face. “Yes. Yes, I see what you mean. Er…” the unicorn faltered. “Sorry, I’m not used to this sort of conversation.” Looking around, she spotted the brain that had been dropped on the floor earlier, when Twilight had temporary seized control of Rainbow’s body. She picked it up with her magic and then opened the box with the other jars, carefully putting it back in its rightful place.
“I’ll need to clean that now.” She said, taking the jar out of the box. Twilight trotted back inside as Clearheart started to take the other jars out. “These ones too, I think. Oh dear.” The jars were lifted onto the shop counter as their owner turned to the stacks of boxes that were crowding out her little shop. “I reckon I’ll have to clean all of these as well. Better start unpacking, then.” A box was opened and Clearheart began to levitate the assembled contents (in this case, a collection of bones) out and carry then back into her storage room. Twidash grinned.
“Would you like help with that, Clearheart?” she asked. The shopkeeper turned around and smiled.
“I’d appreciate it, Princess Sparkle.”
“Please, just call me Twilight. That’s what all my friends call me! And I think I know a few other ponies who’d love to come help…”
Ponyville had changed in a lot of ways since Clearheart decided to set up shop. But in many way it was the same as always. A walk down the streets would bring up the same old faces doing the same old things. Metaphorically speaking in the case of Vinyl Scratch, of course, but the point still stands. Speaking of Vinyl, her not-so-subtle attempts to convince Octavia to make the trip down to the modular merchant’s store had eventually payed off. Now Octavia had access to technology similar to what Rarity had acquired, in that it let the musician draw forth those tricky, hard to transcribe compositions and make them a reality in an instance. Only instead of this technology taking the shape of a pen, it was more of a vase, or a pot. By complete coincidence, the price Clearheart had asked for was everything of hers that couldn’t fit in said pot. So now the sight of a faceless DJ carrying around what amounted to a head sticking out of a large, futuristic flowerpot was decidedly unsurprising to the local populace
The other ponies in town still went about their day to day business. You could find Lyra and Bon-Bon down in the park, reading a book together as they sat on a bench. Bon-Bon had taken a while to get used to her friends particular way of sitting down, but she had to admit that it was surprisingly comfortable. Plus, she was enjoying the benefits of a unicorn horn now, even if it was shared half the time with Lyra. It made sweet-making a lot easier, at least. But best of all, the two mares had gotten to really know each other in a way that few ponies could possible understand. It was maybe a consequence of their brains being effectively melded into one, or at least having the remaining halves squashed together constantly. After a few weeks, it was like one knew what the other was going to say before it had been said.
The other town residents were similarly content-barely anyone had been totally unaffected by Clearheart’s shop, even if it was as small as trading an eye or a tail. No one ever seemed to miss the parts that they had traded, and at first some theorized that this was a result of some mysterious magic that the newcomer had cast on them. But once Clearheart started to socialise a little more, and answer the more frequently asked questions about her magic and her shop, these notions disappeared. It was soon apparent that although she was shy and reserved, she was also fundamentally sweet and caring towards those she had dealt with. Which in Ponyville was pretty much everyone.
For her part, Clearheart found that getting to chat with the recipients of her trades was a wonderfully fulfilling experience, as she got to see how her magical gifts had helped ponies in their lives. From helping Derpy with her magic lessons to getting drunk under the table by Berry Punch (To her credit, she might have won had Berry had a stomach to fill up), the once-nomadic unicorn found that she had suddenly became part of these ponies lives.
For the first time in a long time, Clearheart felt at home.
In the garden behind her cottage, Fluttershy tried her best to explain a problem.
“Um, I know it seemed a good idea at the time, Pinkie, but…”
She was interrupted by another tearful wail, as tears cascaded from her friend’s face. Her normally poofy hair had straightened out, a classic sign of Pinkie distress. These cries were themselves punctuated by the steady sound of loud chewing. Fluttershy had tried to warn Pinkie that bringing a small platoon of her living gingerbread ponies to visit might not go the way that Pinkie had clearly intended. But the party pony hadn’t listened, and, well…
“They were only trying to be friendly! Waaaaaah!” cried Pinkie, rubbing her eyes with her hands. Fluttershy’s spectral projection tried her best to comfort her friend, hugging her in a ghostly embrace. Well, really she was just hugging herself. Pinkie had managed to connect her head imbs to Fluttershy’s torso for now, resulting in a pink-and-yellow hybrid pony. Fluttershy couldn’t feel anything different right now, but she did want to try cancelling her astral projection and see if she could feel her friend’s parts. That could come later, once the crying stopped.
“Oh, there, there. It’s ok. But, well, I did tell you the animals can get hungry.” She said, as gently as she could. “And to be honest, your little gingerbread ponies didn’t seem to mind.”
“R-Really?” said Pinkie. She looked over to a pair of racoons, who were daintily wiping ginger crumbs from their furry mouths, looking decidedly guilt-free about what had happened.
“Well, they are gingerbread. Getting eaten is what they’re made for, right?” Pinkie considered this, then almost immediately perked up, her hair poofing back into shape.
“Yeah, what am I crying about? Heehee, thanks Fluttershy!”
“Oh, no problem. Just be careful next time, I don’t think all that sugar is good for my animals…”
“Okay-doakie! Oooh, I almost forgot!” Suddenly Pinkie was leaning in close to her transparent friend. “I need to talk to you about a super secret project.” She whispered, in a voice louder than her usual talking voice. Fluttershy gulped.
“Um, ok? This doesn’t involve me pranking anypony because I’m invisible now, does it?” There was an awkward silence as Pinkie’s face went google eyed, before it snapped back into her poker face.
“It definitely doesn’t not involve you not not doing that.” She said.
“So…it does?”
“Oh pleeeease! I just know Rainbow Dash is going to ask you first, please please pleeeease!”
“Umm….” Sometimes, Fluttershy knew that she should just say no. Sometimes.
“Yes! Oh, Dash won’t see this coming…literally!”
“Hehe.”
===============================================
“Afternoon, Rares!”
“Applejack! So good to see you!” said Rarity, as she stiffly moved towards her friend. “You’re looking…trim!”
“Heh. And you’re looking a lot fuller these days. In a good way.”
Rarity smiled happily as she continued to levitate both herself and her sister over to Applejack, who was herself just exiting the Crusaders clubhouse. It was easier than it looked really, especially after practice. After all, Sweetie was a lot lighter these days, even with her jar. Rarity was a lot lighter too of course, although she had taken the trouble to create a makeshift skeleton out of a very light, plastic material. It gave her form and she could even use her magic to manipulate the joints to mimic certain movements, such as a wave of the hoof. Of course it wasn’t as good as an actual skeleton, but such was the price of progress.
“I do hope I’m not late. I’m not as quick on my feet as I used to be.” Said Rarity to the farmer skeleton.
“Not at all. Rainbow dropped Scootaloo off not ten minutes ago.” Said Applejack. Go on up ahead, I’l just be bucking apples over here.” Rarity nodded. Climbing the ladder up to the treehouse was a lot easier now that she could just levitate herself up. She entered the building and saw the crusaders so-called “Meeting Tank”, which was the exact same tank they had shared for a few days when they had first been disembodied. As Applejack had said, there were two brains floating in there already, so Rarity went ahead and added Sweetie to the water.
“Now you have fun in there, girls! I’ll be back tonight, Sweetie, and then we can-“ There was a sound like bowling pins scattering, followed by heavily accented cursing. Excusing herself and leaving the girls to their meet-up, Rarity leaned her head out of the treehouse. There was a pile of white bones by an apple tree.
“Need a helping hoof there, dear?” she called out.
“I can manage just fine!” came a voice.Rarity could see her friends skull staring up at her, somehow looking embarrassed despite not having any real expression on it. Laughing, Rarity floated down anyway.
“I beg to differ, Applejack. Really, you should let me build you a wire-support system or something. I could make it so that nopony even sees it.” Rarity said as she picked up her friends skull, before her eyes rolled up in thought. “Although to be honest, I’d rather make it so people did notice it.”
“Just put me back together first. This don’t always happen.” Said Applejack meekly. “I feel all jumbled up like this.”
“Well, you are.”
“Exactly!” Rarity obliged. It wasn’t the first time this had happened, and it was surprisingly easy to get the pieces to fit together again. She was about halfway through when she suddeny yelped in surprise and dropped the skeleton, which promptly fell apart again.
“Aww for land’s sake, Rarity! What is it?” grumbled Applejack. Rarity spun her skull around to what she had seen. “Oh, that? I not tell you ‘bout them?”
“No, you didn’t!” said Rarity. It was the crusaders, walking along in the distance beside the bigger robot servants that Applejack had purchased. They looked like they were playing a game of some sort. “What’s going on?”
“Oh, Rosie and her family managed to build three more little robo-brains, or something.” Explained the skull in Rarity’s stiff hooves. “The girls ain’t using their bodies much these days, so uh, guess Rosie just put them in their heads. Bloom and the rest thought that was pretty neat. I guess I can see their point.”
“Huh. Yes. Isn’t life interesting these days.” Said Rarity, dreamily.
“Sure is. Now would you kindly put me back together?”
“Oh, right. Of course.” Said Rarity, duly obliging after a quick ten or so minutes. When she was finished, she moved her hoof so that she was scratching her chin thoughtfully “Although I do have an idea that will make you more stable for now.” She said.
“Is that so?”
“Oh, yes. This won’t take a minute.” Her horn glowed, and suddenly her mouth opened impossibly wide as she pulled herself off of her own artificial skeleton. Applejack instinctively flinched as her vision was suddenly blackened, and a strange sensation of pulling on a very large sweater overwhelmed her briefly. When it was over, she looked down, seeing white fur on her legs.
“There, much better.” Said Rarity. “Oh, I wish I had a mirror with me. Could you possibly nip to the house so we can see how we look?”
“Well I kinda have some work to do first, and-“
“Oh puweeeeeeas-“
“Fine, fine, just don’t whine!” said Applejack, making her way back. Truth be told, she was a little curious herself. Rarity always did have a nice coat, after all…
Meanwhile, in the meeting-tank, Sweetie Belle was just finishing off her latest idea.
“…and if that is right-and I’m pretty sure it is-then that only means one thing.” She said, pausing for dramatic effect. “ROCKET. SCOOTER.”
“Wooah! Awesome!” said Scootaloo, bubbling excitedly. “Although, to be honest, I don’t really use my scooter much anymore. They’re not really made for brains.”
“Can’t ya just put your jar on it and have someone push it around?” asked Applebloom.
“Nah, it just isn’t the same. Beside, I’ve got a way cooler ride now: Rainbow Dash! She lets met ride around in her head all the time!” The others all gave out an appreciative “ooo” to show that this was indeed cooler than a scooter. “Also, I don’t really have a proper jar when I stay at RD’S”
“No?”
“It’s more of a Tupperware dish.” Admitted Scootaloo. “But it’s a really cool one!”
“How can you have a really cool Tupperware dish?”
“Cause it’s Rainbow Dash’s!”
“I don’t actually have a jar either.” Said Applebloom. “Appejack just keeps me in a barrel at home.”
“That sound…roomy.” Said Sweetie Belle. “I’d rather be in a barrel than a boring old Tupperware dish.”
“No fair, girls!” complained the pegasus brain, causing the other two to laugh.
“We’re just messing with ya, Scoots.” Said Applebloom. “Although sometimes, she drops me in a barrel of cider. Now THAT’s fun.”
“Rarity would never let me do something like that.” Said Sweetie’s brain. “But she does like designing new jars for me. Opal knocked over my first one by accident-“
“Yeah, right, I bet she thought you were a big fat fish to eat.” Said Scootaloo.
“That’s not true! It was an accident! Both times!” replied Sweetie, outraged that anyone would question the moral integrity of her pet cat. “Anyway, turns out she’s got a ton of idea for them, thanks to that pen of hers. I think she said she’s going to make one like a champagne flute, next…Oh, and Twilight said she’s got a prototype spell for a jar that can see and hear and talk and stuff!”
“Now that’s cool!” said Scootaloo. “It’d be like…well, a normal head, then! But made of glass.”
“Or wood!”
“Yeah, or wood.” Laughed Scoots. “Actually, speaking of heads…do your sisters ever let you in their heads much?”
“Not really, Rarity likes showing off her jars too much.”
“Yeah, AJ doesn’t do it for me much outside of talking at the end of the day. How come?” Scootaloo and the other brains huddled together. There was no real need to whisper, but Scootaloo did it anyway.
“Well, one time, I was in Dash’s head when she was sleeping, and…I managed to walk around with her body.” This got a huge reaction from her friends, with bubbles shooting up like a bath bomb had been thrown into the tank.
“No way! Did you do anything cool?” asked Applebloom. Scootaloo shook slightly to indicate no.
“I didn’t want to end up falling out of the sky and not know how to fly. Imagine if I wrecked her body?” she said. “Rainbow Dash’d be so mad. She’s not even got a brain anymore to put in a jar!”
“That’s true. Still…I’m going to have to try that one.” Said Sweetie, giggling. “Cause Rarity hasn’t even got any bones to break! Except her fake ones, I guess.”
“Let’s all take over our sisters and meet up sometime!”
“Yeah! And then I can build that rocket sled, and then…”
And so it went, the three happy young brains excitedly coming up with plans, sharing ideas, and dreaming of new adventures, well into the evening time.
Twilight was deep in thought in her jar, pondering what she had read in Starswirl’s lost diary that morning. It was in moments like these that she was truly appreciative of her current state. The legendary unicorn’s notes were incredibly hard to digest fully. First you had to sort the nuggets of gold from the rest of the writings, which were honestly a little, well, scattered. In her opinion he spent too much time detailing what he had for breakfast, lunch and dinner, but maybe that was part of the secret to his genius? She would have to run that past Pinkie at some point.
When Starswirl did get to talking about magic, it was almost like he was speaking in a different language entirely. If she was still in a body, there would have been so many different distractions-an itchy nose, pins and needles, a craving for pancakes, a leg that wasn’t quite comfortable enough no matter how she sat, and so on. But like this, there was none of that. Just peaceful, quiet contemplation of the universe. Why, Twilight reckoned that she could stay like for-
The world shifted. Suddenly, her senses returned, and Twilight became aware of an excited blue face peering into her jar. In an unusual change from what had become the norm, there was a rainbow-colored mane attached to this pony. She stepped back, revealing that she was wearing a black jacket with a garish flame pattern.
“Yo, Twilight! Can. You. HEAR. Me?” shouted Rainbow Dash, causing the brain in the jar to retreated defensively to the back of the jar. “Do I have to press this button three times or something…I said DO. I NEED. TO-“
“Rainbow, you don’t need to shout, I can hear you just fine!” said her voice, which rang out clearly. “And yes, you can hear me. We tested this together before you left!”
“And you tested it with me.” Came Spike’s voice from somewhere below. “Like, twenty times.” Twilight couldn’t see him, and strained her metaphorical eye looking for the top of his head. Rainbow leaned down to let him climb onto her back, and when he emerged into view, Twilight realised why she hadn’t see him.
“Spike, you’ve sold your brain!” she said. “I was expecting something different. Like your tail, maybe.”
“No way! My tail is super useful, you know.” Said Spike. He was holding the top of his head in his hands, so that he could show off both the fact that he was indeed now brainless, and to show his prize. “Clearheart did want to buy more of me actually. Apparently dragon parts are pretty valuable. She said to come back later when she replenishes her antique collection. Then I can get even cooler stuff than this-if that’s possible!”
“Oh, let me see what you got!” said Twilight, pressing her lobes against the glass eagerly (not that this affected her field of view, which was fixed in place in front of the jar). When she realized what she had bought, she mentally frowned.
“Spike.” She said, in her “annoyed mother” tone. “Is that a comic book?”
“It’s THE comic book, Twilight! Power Ponies, issue #0! This is the only copy!” said Spike, taking it out of his head and looking at the cover with a look of adoration. “It’s spoken about in legend. Some say it was drawn with a pen carved from a magical tree…”
“You sold your brain for a comic book! Rainbow, back me up here-oh wait, I forgot” Twilight sunk to the bottom of the jar as she looked at her two brainless friends, both grinning happily. “I should have sent someone else to supervise Spike. I should have went myself.”
“Oh, it’s fine. He’s happy with the trade, right Spike?” said Rainbow, extending a wing and wrapping it around the dragon. “Just like I am. Remember when you thought I was making a bad trade?”
“Yeah, I guess. Oh yeah, I see you got your skullcap back, Rainbow!” At this, Rainbow used her other wing to yank said skullcap clean off her head, and then held it in her hooves, spinning it around with an unusually thoughtful look on her face.
“Hmmm…I kinda got used to not having it around.” She said, flipping it upside down and studying the inside, rainbow mane hanging downwards. “Feels weird wearing it. Like a hat, you know? And I feel like it’ gonna fall off when I fly.”
“You could just glue it on or something” said Twilight.
“Eh, might just leave it for formal occasions. Don’t wanna show up to Wonderbolt stuff with the inside of my head on display or anything.” Rainbow turned to Spike and placed the skullcap on his head. It turned out to be a bit too large for his head, and the rim drooped over his eyes, causing a brief panic.
“Aah! I’ve gone blind!” cried the dragon. “Well, half-blind?”
“Hehe, sorry!”
Twilight giggled despite herself. Her friends may be brainless, but they were still her friends, and she loved them for what they were.
“How is Clearheart, then?” she asked. “I’ll need to drop by later on.”
“Oh, she seems way happier these days!” replied Rainbow, who was now trying on Spike’s skullcap, letting it drop into her own, much bigger skull. “I think she’s really settled in well. In fact, she said she had something to show you!”
In the depths of the storeroom, in a corner lit by candles, sat what was essentially an elaborate aquarium. It was comprised of two medium sized tanks connected with long, winding tubes. Each tank had a set of separate decorations-a large castle sat in the middle of one, while a pirate ship lay in the second. It was not a rare antique like the rest of the items that lay around the room on shelves or in boxes. It was quite new in fact, having been purchased from a store by Clearheart just the other day. The maroon unicorn was in the process of filling the two tanks with new occupants. When she was done, she stood back and smiled.
“I hope that is suitable for you all.” She said. “Apologies for the jars. It wasn’t until I had a chat with those lovely young fillies that I realized that maybe I should be more accommodating.” There was no reply, of course, but Clearheart new in her heart that she was right about this. She had asked Spike the dragon to invite Twilight round; she had heard that the latter had developed a way for disembodied brains to communicate with the outside world. That would certainly put to rest any doubts, one way or the other. There was a jingle that indicated the shop door had been opened, and Clearheart turned to leave. Business was business, after all.
“I’ll be back soon. Play nice, everyone.” With that, the shopkeeper left to do what she did best. Silence reigned over the tank, but that did not mean there was no life there. Six pink, wrinkled masses-one noticeably smaller than the others- began to explore their new home. One in particular began to move with much more agility than the others, zipping through pipelines and testing the boundaries of the tank. After a while, heard only between those in the tank, that brain spoke up in a raspy, feminine voice:
“Finally, room to move! Nobody can coop up the Dash for long!”