Hard To Find The Right Words

by Nameless Narrator

Rescue

“Pothole.”

“Stick dick- aaaaa- OW!”

“I warned you.”

“I thought we were just trading insults. You know, Crest the Badass’ second coming.”

“No, I think I’ll just be me and leave the verbal abuse to Bladehoof.”

“Second coming in years. ZING, blueballs!”

“On the other hoof… wait, I DID get you!”

“What? Did you hit your head on something, Crest?”

“No, I got you.”

“Pfff, how?”

“Not telling you. I’ll keep that warm feeling to myself.”

“I’ll bite you so hard you grandfather’s hooves will explode.”

“You DO have nice teeth. Terrifying, but clean.”

“Stop being smug and tell me!”

“Naaah, I think I’d rather give you some time to work it out and watch you boil.”

“TELL ME!“

“You’re happy.”

“You’re dumb. What’s your point?”

“You’re not all gloomy anymore. Since your little chat with Bladehoof you seem like you’ve forgotten all about your shape, your chances for the future, everything.”

“...”

“So yeah, happy. At least happier than in the morning.”

“Hmmmmm...”

“Another pothole.”

“AAaaaAA? Is this a road or a bomb testing range?”

“Well, I’m not leading you via the main streets. The news about Canterlot attack have reached even here by now, and while the police orders are one thing, there’s no reason to cause panic among the general public.”

“Note to self - bare teeth more.”

“Fury, hey-”

“Grrrrr...”

“-stop that! Besides, you’re trying to scare a lamp post, kinda a self-defeating effort.”

“Did I not tell you to not correct me, Crest? I fucking HATE that lamp post.”

“Of course you do. Anyway, are you okay? We can have a rest if you want. We’ve been walking for nearly an hour.”

“I COULD go for a snack. On your back and spread your legs, Crest.”

“With those fangs? Not on your life.”

“Come on, spice up your life.”

“I am a stallion, and I’d like to keep it that way.”

“Aww, do you seriously think I could hurt such a cute, tiny thing?”

“I AM NOT SMALL! Below average at worst.”

“Oh dear, Crest. Have you stooped so low as to really give the changeling a shot? Also, you ARE small, don’t lie to yourself. I know she can’t see, but she’d have to find out eventually.”

“Is that the annoying voice of the apocalypse? Dumb Wang, or something?”

“I’m glad to know that my assumption of changelings not having enough brainpower to remember basic things is correct.”

“What do you want, Dream Wing?”

“Is it so wrong to greet my favourite disappointment?”

“No, I mean, shouldn’t you be doing some piano or yoga or whatever activity you used as an excuse to make me leave every morning?”

“I had to take something up, since I never got any exercise at night.”

“Ooooooh! That wasn’t just a burn, Crest. That was immolation multiplied by conflagration and bathed in dragon fire. If that pony’s screechy voice wasn’t so irritating I might even like her.”

“...Tartarus take me now, please...”

“No no no, I have to know now if she’s just the living embodiment of a bitch, or if you did something really awful. You, Dream Wing, what did Crest do?”

“Please no, I’ll never hear the end of it...”

“Did do, changeling? It’s about what he DIDN’T do. Every time we had an event to attend he had to go on a patrol-”

“That happened TWICE.”

“-he never wore anything I asked him to-”

“Tights and some balloony sleeves? Noble fashion is stupid. I liked the wide hats, though, and I wore them for you.”

“-and he OBVIOUSLY wanted to get into high society by hooking up with me-”

“We met in a bar! I… I just thought you were pretty… I had no idea who you were.”

“Riiiight, a pony in Riverside who didn’t know who I was. Crest, you’re a terrible liar.”

“Yeah, he is, actually.”

“I’m not ly-”

“That’s my point, Crest, now shut up and let the nice mare talk before she realizes what I just said.”

“Huh, Fury?”

“I told you to shut up. He doesn’t know when to close his mouth, does he?”

“You don’t know the half of it, changeling. But you know, everything I said I could have ignored, were it not for one thing.”

“I’m listening, and trust me, I’ll remind him often. So, what didn’t he do?”

“He didn’t get it up.”

“What? Crest, that pent-up blob of lust?”

“Yeah! The whole time we were together he didn’t give it to me once. He always stopped after making out, lying over and over about his patrols and duty. When I finally forced him into it he just sat there, that impotent little… mare, with his- her muzzle wet.”

“Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!”

“What, Crest, got nothing to add? Want to call me a liar again?”

“...no… I’m sorry...”

“Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!”

“You know, if you weren’t a bug I might grow fond of you.”

“Hahahahahahahahahahaha- shut up, you worthless overstretched cunt.”

“WHAT DID YOU SAY?!”

“I knew you were a disgusting pony the second I heard you speak the first time, but I reserved my judgement in case you were gorgeous or something, but now? You couldn’t even arouse your stallion in bed, what are you good for?”

“Are you insinuating it was MY fault?”

“No, I’m saying it was your fault. You’re a vomit-worthy pile of horsemeat. I can make Crest hard with my WORDS. I don’t need to bite him, I don’t need to touch him at all, and I’m starving. You, you whiny, overbearing, and demanding piece of shit have no idea how to make a stallion drool. All you can do is break things and ponies. What good are you for? Seriously, why do you exist? You can’t fight or make anything worthwhile. I thought you were at least hot enough to be a good whorse for sale to some other noble, but no. All you have is the money and status you were born into.”

“...how dare you...”

“And you know how I know?”

“...”

“Because Crest is a shitty liar. Now go be delusional about your self-worth somewhere else, preferably into a river with a boulder tied to your neck.”

“I can have you executed, you filthy bug-”

“You are obstructing an officer of the guard in his duty, and he is polite enough not to shackle you to the lamp post. I’m not, and I actually AM dangerous.”

“Crest, I’ll talk to the mayor and-”

“I TOLD YOU TO GO FUCK YOURSELF BECAUSE NO STALLION WILL EVER RISK SOME COCK-ROTTING DISEASE TO DO IT.”

“Crest… say something… shut that bug up.”

*Deep sigh.*

“Miss Dream Wing. I am the chief of Riverside police force, and I am currently doing my duty as per royal guard orders straight from Canterlot. You are in the way, and I am politely asking you to be about your business. I am taking care of a hostile and possibly extremely threatening member of a race about which we know little about, and I cannot be sure to guarantee your safety if you pursue your course of action.”

“This isn’t over! I can have you demoted to scrubbing floors.”

“...I actually sometimes do that already...”

“And I can have you sit in a room, paranoid about every single pony you’ve ever met being real. I can be anypony, I am getting better and stronger, and what’s worse - I can do it either for Crest who feeds me, or just for fun. Should I play your parent for a month or two? Should I have you sit in a time out like a filly? Should I have you-”

“Crest! Chain that thing to a floor this instant!”

“Fury, please this will cause more trouble than… wait, like this instant? To the sidewalk?”

“...should I have you… disowned...?”

”C-C-C-C-Crest...? If- if- if she touches my- my fortu- my family, I’ll-”

“Dream Wing. If she causes harm to a citizen of Equestria she will be held responsible to the full extent of the law, which in her case is death, dissection, and magical deconstruction of her mind, the order depending on the severity of said harm. I can assure that.”

“Good.”

“However, that is only AFTER she causes a crime. Do you understand?”

“I...”

“I can feel you looking at me, spoiled brat.”

“I understand. Goodbye, Crest.”

“Goodbye, Dream Wing, and-”

“Yes?”

“-and one more time, I’m sorry.”

*Clip clop, clip clop, clip clop...*

“You know, Crest, I can’t help feeling like the punishment explanation was aimed at me more than at her.”

“At both of you. Don’t get me wrong, Fury, I am a member of the Guard for a good reason. It’s not just about passing physical training and getting the armor. Even a threat like that would normally land you in prison, but-”

“Just admit it, Crest, you loved watching her squirm.”

“...yes, yes, I did...”

“And calm down, dumbass. You know I’m in no shape to do anything I said I would and I will never be. Though it would be pretty funny.”

“Killing and replacing a citizen of Equestria would be funny to you?”

“Totally! Hello, Dream Wing my dear -SLAM into the door. What happened, mommy? Nothing, nothing, just blinded a bit by the sunlight -boom, trip and crack my skull on a super expensive lamp-. And by the way, my little girl, you’re not inheriting anything -accidental cartwheel out of the window.”

“That was some disturbing voice acting, and imagery. You do realize that would kill you, right?”

“Oh, Crestie, what I wouldn’t do for you.”

“Crestie?”

“My little mare Crestie.”

“Don’t tell me I only traded Dream Wing’s nastiness for yours.”

“You bet!”

Author's Note:

I promise I'll ease up on the swears from now on.

Comments

[Alicon Glactistar]

Behold Dream Wing's sister Night Wing.

[Nameless Narrator]

9235185
Fml...
Identical more evil twin AKA "When the author is too dumb to remember a single name for more than two paragraphs".

Watch her twirl her moustache of EEEVIL!

[tsaukpaetra]

Oh no, she nicknamed him! The timer has been set...