Gloomy
*Click*
“Good morning, miss angry.”
“Don’t waste your words on it, Puff.”
“What do you want?”
“To see you covered in drying goo and chained to the wall, honestly. It warms my old heart.”
“Look as much as you want.”
“Ohoho, where’s the fire from yesterday, where’s all the fight in you? Ran out of bravado when your insect brain finally realized your situation?”
“...”
“Anyway, I’m here to share some good news with you.”
“For some reason I seriously doubt that.”
“It’ll brighten your- well, my day. I sent a message to Canterlot about you and added the recount of what you did yesterday just for good measure. If the Royal Guards take a sky chariot they should be here tomorrow, so… enjoy your last day. I’ll be sure to make time for a visit to Canterlot when you’re to be burned at stake.”
“Fine.”
“Heh, oh and one last thing, bug. Puff is helping out with police duties here in Riverside, which also means taking care of the police station while other members of the force are busy. That includes you as a… criminal. He might not be the brightest knife in the spoon, but he’ll make a fine squire or even a paladin one day so if you do anything to him… let’s just say that I have contacts in high places who have fought against evil their entire life by my side, and we’ll make you beg for a good and quick burning.”
“Great.”
“Alright, Puff, I’ll be off. If she as much as breathes funny don’t hesitate to run that broom through her neck.”
“I’ll try to de-tain her, mister Trail, and call for ass-is-tance.”
“Crest is in his office if you need him, and I’ll be at home. Bladehoof should be here in few hours, and Palisade has a day off for ‘recovery’. Frankly, I’d fire her… into the sun.”
“I make mis-takes a lot. She will do better next time.”
“I hope not. If she was a bit more successful we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
“She-”
“I have to go, got a meeting with the mayor regarding our temporary burden.”
“...burden...”
“Did you say something, changeling?”
“No.”
“Pity. See you later, Puff.”
“Later, mister Star Trail.”
*Door clicking*
“Umm, miss angry, I have to touch you now.”
“What?”
“You’re all messed up, and I have a washcloth and warm water to clean you.”
“Don’t bother. It’s a waste of time.”
“It’s in the re-gu-la-tions. I have to provide ass- ass-is-tance to ponies who can’t take care of them-selves.”
“Ponies.”
“Even the hair-less ones. I can bring you a toi-let bucket if you want, I don’t mind. I’m not sure how you change-lings work.”
“We eat love and shit rainbows.”
“Real-ly?”
“No. Just do your business. I won’t bother you.”
“Awww...”
“Hngh!”
“Does it hurt when I wash the cracks like this?”
“Stings. Wash it, not scrub around the cracks- nevermind. Just do your job, pony.”
“My name is Puff.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“The name. Why are you called that?”
“I’m big, cuddly, warm, and, umm, a bit of a scatterbrain.”
“You do have huge hooves. Meh, and you’re still smarter than most changeling drones from the hive. Some of them had to think about their job of carrying eggs so hard they hit the walls while walking. Hmph… I’m saying this as if I'm still better than them.”
“Now your muzzle is all clean, and you’re not even seeping from the cracks anymore. Your mane still feels really dry. I can bring you some shampoo later if you want.”
“Right, the thing for washing mane...”
“You don’t know what a shampoo is?”
“I know about it, we changelings share knowledge and some experiences, but I’ve never left Badlands before the invasion. We didn’t have anything like that in the Hive.”
“I’ll be sure to come back with it then. I bet it’ll make that grey mane of yours feel much better. Umm, I need to wash your bar-rel.”
“So?”
“I was told to always ask before touching a mare. They don’t normal-ly ask when hug-ging me, though.”
“I don’t care where you touch me. Use me if you want, see if I give a damn.”
“Okay.”
“Atsss...”
“Sorry, you have a this long crack on your barrel. I’ll have to bandage it. Don’t take this the wrong way, but your belly is really soft compared to the rest of you.”
“High-tier changelings have additional armor around their barrels, but mine broke during the fall or when I hit the ground, I can’t remember. I’m more vulnerable than a drone now.”
“I’ll be as care-ful as I can then.”
“Hssss...”
“Sorry.”
“Keep going. I’m starting to think it’s making you feel better more than me.”
“I’m getting to your… thighs now.”
“Thanks for the info- right, you have to ask before touching. Do what you have to.”
“Mind if I ask what the holes are for?”
“When mommy changeling likes daddy pony very much, she stabs the spike on her ovipositor through his skull and lays eggs in his brain.”
“Aaaaaaah!”
“Don’t be so dramatic. It doesn’t hurt the changeling and I have yet to hear a pony complain. They normally only gurgle. Our general consensus is that it’s in pleasure.”
“That’s horrible! I meant the ones in your legs, though.”
“Cup holders.”
“Cool!”
“We truly are the masterpieces of evolution.”
“Aaand the hooves. Done! Well, I mean your front. I can’t really reach your back with you being chained so close to the wall.”
“I tried to kill you, and the thing bothering you is not being able to wash my back?”
“Miss Pali-sade tried to kill me, and she didn’t mean it.”
“I made her.”
*Sigh*
“Do you hate me?”
...
...
...
“No. You were… in the way. I had all the love I could eat, and you were just… superfluous. Leaving you alive would have made my escape more difficult.”
“Do you hate ponies?”
“You are food, nothing more, nothing less.”
“So you like us!”
“How did you come to that crazy conclusion?”
“I like car-rots so I eat them a lot. You eat ponies, so you must like us. If you didn’t like us, you wouldn’t eat us.”
“We have to eat to survive, and you ponies happen to be the most accessible prey around.”
“Cats and dogs can love you a lot, and they eat less than ponies.”
“I...”
“So you must like ponies.”
“In a cocoon and feeding or serving me.”
“But you like us. You didn’t come to Canterlot to kill everypony.”
“Well, no, not exactly.”
“See?”
“You’re making my brain melt.”
“Mister Star Trail says comic books did that to me, but he doesn’t mean it.”
“Alright, I don’t hate you, the horny earthpony, or the crazy bat. I have yet to decide on that pegasus boss of yours. Who I DO despise down to his senile brain is the rotten bastard who dragged me down to his cellar and poured acid over me.”
“That would be mister Star Trail. He’s tea-ching me so that I can be a pa-la-din one day. Anyway, I’m glad you’re in a better mood now.”
“Why? I’m not going to be here for more than a day. Why do you care?”
“Because you like me.”
“I don’t- oh screw it, you’re just that dumb. Fine, you can be my personal lunchbox if I ever recover, which won’t happen, or I don’t get executed, which will very much happen. I’ll even let you choose if you want a cocoon hanging from the ceiling or one on the floor.”
“Can I get a pet?”
“What would a- yes, yes, I’ll tame you your own Badlands scorpion.”
“I prefer cats. They are cuddly.”
“...little bastard thought I was a scratching post...”
“Miss angry?”
“Yes, you can get a cat.”
“Thank you.”
“...this conversation physically hurt my head...”
“Anyway, I’ll be off now. I still have to clean the floors and when miss Blade-hoof returns from her business we’ll be practicing sword-fight-ing.”
“Good. Kick her ass for me.”
“I’ll do my best.”
*Shufffling of hooves* *Door shutting*
“Hmph, at least I’m getting better at identifying these random noises.”
“So… they’ll be coming tomorrow then.”
“Time for some rest so I don’t crack when they squeeze me for information. The last thing a broken pile of chitin like me can do is protect our secrets.”
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Brightest knife in the spoon?
Capitalize "but"
Change "my" to "mine"
Puff is adorable. Not as adorable as Three, but still in the ballpark. 😘
Ah yes, Changelings are truly the master race.
10501912
Perfection incarnate.