Time
Days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months. You can’t help but start thinking of the two adorable fillies as your own little girls, and when Luna surprises you by being the first to talk you can’t help but grin as a tear runs down your cheek. “Daddy!” She exclaims as she comes galloping up to you with a shiny rock clutched in her teeth. It has been long since you let them out of the house, the area around it is enclosed completely by the forest, and you’re able to keep an eye on them from the porch as they play around in the large clearing your house rests in.
“Daddy, daddy!” She yells happily while jumping around you in a circle until you pick her up and clutch her to your chest in a hug. Celestia comes running shortly after her sister, and when she sees Luna getting a hug and you with a grin and tears in your eyes she sits down and looks to the side with a huff. “Daddy!” Luna says once more as she nuzzles into your chest, Celestia humphs again and slump a bit, not noticing that you’ve bent down.
She squeals with surprise as you lift her into the air and include her in the hug.
It doesn’t take many more days before a smug looking Celestia trots into the living room where you’re sitting with your favourite book and a glass of juice. Luna zooms past her sister in a blue blur and disappears into the kitchen, you hear the scrabbling of hooves on the slippery tiles followed by a thump. You’re about to get up before you hear a giggle and Luna runs at full speed out of the kitchen and into the dining hall.
Celestia glares after her sister before she approaches you and jumps up into your lap. Once there she places her front hooves on your chest and you see her face contort in concentration. “D...” you hear the sound escape her muzzle, she starts working her lips in an adorable display of concentration. “Da... Dad... daddy!” She grins in triumph and looks up at you searching for approval.
You’re stunned, and she takes your silence as disapproval. Tears form in her eyes and she slumps down from your chest, but just before she’s about to slip completely from your lap you catch her and bring her up so you’re facing her. Her eyes are scrunched shut and tears are dripping down her muzzle and onto your shirt.
You firmly press her down against your chest and stroke her hair and wings. “I’m so proud of you Celly...” Your voice is thick with emotion, and you feel the small white alicorn nuzzle against your chest before looking up at you with a smile.
A few days after finding them you had started calling them by name, hoping that it might spark some form of memory. It didn’t, but you continued calling them Celly and Luna nonetheless.
“Luna!” You call into the dining hall, and soon a small blue blur zips out of the hallway and barely manages to stop before crashing into your legs. She looks up at you with curious eyes and a “Daddy?” before looking to Celestia lying on your chest. The white filly springs into action and while proudly looking at her sister, she exclaims “Daddy!” In confirmation. Luna’s face breaks into a huge grin before she starts jumping around in excitement.
“You know what this calls for?” You ask as you gently place Celestia on the floor with her sister. They both stop and look up at you with confusion apparent in their small faces. “Cake!” You exclaim before striding into the kitchen.
The next few hours is passed with lots of flour and sugar everywhere, but when the oven dings, you pull out a masterwork of a chocolate cake, just like mom used to make it.
A year passes, and you celebrate the anniversary of the day you found them with another homemade cake.
Time continue to pass, and before you know it it has been five years.
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It's not bad at all. Somewhat well-written, if a little short, but otherwise good. Not even seeing any real errors, either.
I like it
i like it. even though it's inspired by "My Little Dashie" it's a good story. so what if it's your first one. My first fan-fic just got approved of and already two people are disliking it all cause it's either "to cliche" or "the chapters are too short." but i don't care it's my first story and of course they're going to be a few haters. so don't worry about it just keep on going and everything will be better.
865911
Eh. It's good enough :P
I've read enough to know that it's not top tier. It's not the first I've written, but it's the first that is below 20k words, and has anything happening... I might post more, but we'll see. And if you see any errors at all, please do point them out, I pride myself in at least having good grammar...
865912
Thanks. I don't really want to compare it to MLD, it's nowhere near that level. And to be honest, I don't mind. I do this just for fun, and if I learn to write during that it's a bonus. I know the chapters here are a bit short, and that the story itself isn't very long. But that was actually something I strive to accomplish. I've written other stories, which will probably never see the light of day, which are way too long and wordy where nothing really happens. Here I've tried to boil it down to the at least somewhat interesting stuff.
I'll give your story a shot, and I'll give it a review now, or when you complete it. I'll add a comment nonetheless. Never let the fact that some don't like your story pull you down. It's all just for fun anyways!
And more chapters are coming, it's not long until I'll slap a 'completed' on it either.
866131
Oh no problem, I'd be glad to. Like I said, well-written is definitely a plus, so props should be given for having good grammatical sense
I'll send you a pm with a bunch of small fixes when I've closely read the whole thing so far.
Despite being short, I thoroughly loved it!
You don't rush into it, you keep a good pace, and I couldn't help but smile a little. This definitely deserves a live and a fave.
Keep going with it!
866235
Thanks mate! I'm really glad you enjoyed it
866131 tell me about. but it may be awhile before it's finished. i was going to post up 20 chapters but if it keeps on going like it is it mat be more than that.
this story is really good so far, i'm impressed.
but slow down the time passing a little bit, i want to keep enjoying this lol 
866308
I'll give you fair warning. I like to think of my critique as harsh, but fair. I don't pull punches, but I try to be reasonable and tell you as it is.
My critique is only given as something for the writer to look at and be inspired, not to pull the story down or to make him/her look bad. I believe every story has a right to be written, no matter how good or bad, it is a work of art and the writer puts a lot of time and work into it no matter what.
Every work has a right to be seen.
866341
Thanks! I actually try to keep it a bit short. I might make a chapter that contains small stories that go on during those years.
Like the time Luna pukes on the carpet after getting a bit too curious about the ham-sandwiches...
866366 hahaha! i would like to see that. and your also right there's nothing wrong with some chapter being short. what's important is the story, how you decide to make it, and how much fun you have writing it.
867502
No! It's my hat! MINE!
I like it. Reminds me a tiny (really tiny) bit of My Little Celestia but it's completely different in story and content. It only reminds me of the story in that Celestia is being take care of a human in filly state.
great story you should continue
868353
Thanks :D I plan to at least finish this. Probably getting to the end somewhere next week if I'm lucky.
God that so bucking adorable
866366
alright well this is just an idea, and i'm doing it with my story, you could bloopers at the end of your story. make all those scenes with normal logic look wacky and funny at the same time. i've already seen a few places in your story that you could do that, but it's just an idea.
i don't know why i thought to suggest that
but oh well lol!
868685
That does sound like a fun idea! We'll see. Thanks :3
So cute...
ragemaker.net/images/Happy/happy%20crying.png
So bucking adowable why is it so cute I think I might have a heart attack
Alright, not bad.
I didn't see any alarmingly bad mistakes.
My only issue, and one I can ignore, is that is feels a bit rushed.
So yeah. Not bad at all.
MORE!!!
I love this story I reckon you should continue
870828
It's because it's the princesses, as fillies. That thought in itself is adorable.
870918
Good to hear that you enjoyed it and haven't found any glaring mistakes. It might seem a bit rushed, but that's because I try to keep it short. Some of my other, unpublished, attempts have been way too wordy, often reaching into the 30k's before anything really happens.
871505
Oh, I will. It's not long until this story is done.
But will there be a sequel? Who knows?
Not bad. We'll see how this turns out.
871698
I just hope the end isn't too bad once it's done...
865912 you are cool, bro. too many haters reading MY first fic. 14 dislikes. 6 likes. it was published yesterday and it has 150 views. im like wtf. u see me rollin, u be hatin
This chapter in a nutshell:
Hey!
Hi, chapter. What's been happening?
FIVE YEARS.
Loved it so far. But there is one thing I kinda noticed. A cake is not baked with the chocolate topping. You just bake the layers then you add molten chocolate, cream and other icing