Will Ye No Come Back Again?

by Judge Holden

Gummy Madness

"When you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging."

-Anonymous

---

I suppose this may mess with your head: in the span of a day I found myself on a fancy train, in a fancy city, in a fancy palace, eating at a fancy restaurant, and then shopping at a less than fancy store for random odds and ends.

It all happened in the span of a day, and I was very tired. I ended up nodding off during the remainder of the train ride. When I awoke, it was due to the Pink Menace shaking me awake. I was too groggy then to care that I'd apparently fallen against her arm. It was lucky that didn't happen on the way to Algiers. Private Pyle would never let me hear the end of it and Sasquatch would have just crushed me.

When we got back, it was twilight. I helped Pinkie carry a few odds and ends. She grinned excitedly at me, and we headed for the room- my room. It would prove difficult to begin referring to it as that. My room was full of baseball posters and paraphernalia. I was a huge Yankees fan.

This place, however, seemed not to have baseball. Or at least, I hadn't yet seen it played. I'd have to ask about it sometime.

At that point, however, Pinkie and I went about our errand. To what should have been my dismay, she was singing about the work we were doing while we were doing it. It wasn't anything noteworthy, honest. All we were doing was covering some bare walls with posters and pictures, and putting other decor and toys here and there. Still, though, she insisted on singing while doing it. Though I could feel a tiny part of me want to join in, I just didn't. I promised myself I wouldn't sing a note here, and that was something else I wanted to stick to.

And what was the other thing? Remembering Stevie. Yes, my brother. Stevie. Fuck you, amnesia.

I could still recall everything about him- his enormous frame and small horn- being that he was slow, his magic was stunted. We had to keep it in check with a few magic expulsion spells. Twice a week we actually had to drain him like a sieve. Magical outbursts from somepony like him were never pretty.

I admit I was in pretty good spirits when we were finished. A Pinkie smile is often contagious, and she was never short on a smile or a cheer.

When we were finished, the room looked nice. Everything we got had a proper place in it and a bookshelf now had a few Daring Do stories in it, as well as a history of the Wonderbolts and a copy of The Bible II- yes, it turned out there was also a story called The Bridle II, but it was apparently a hot steamy story that my eyes would not behold if I could say anything about it. Needless to say, the story I saw in the doctor's office was the former. At least, I hoped it was.

Pinkie offered to tell me a tale about one of her adventures after I crawled into the bed that night. I decided to take her up on that offer, because who wouldn't want to hear a story from someone like her?

She told me more of the story about her first time meeting Twilight Sparkle and Spike, which went about the same as our first meeting- she gasped loudly, then darted off in the opposite direction, presumably to plan a surprise party or because she really, really needed to use the bathroom.

Apparently Twilight was sent to Ponyville to help manage something called the Summer Sun Celebration, which was in honor of Princess Celestia and her banishment of Nightmare C U Next Tuesday to the moon.

I later learned through studying under Twilight that Princess Celestia hated the celebration, and would often cry herself to sleep afterwards until she got her sister back. Twilight sometimes comforted the Princess during her time in Canterlot much like the Princess would comfort her. Princess Celestia often jokingly referred to herself as "the Princess of many, and Mother to all." Sometimes she even took the nickname "Momlestia."

Spike was a lot like a surrogate son to Twilight. She taught him everything he knew and tucked him into bed at night, kissed his injuries better and would scold him when he misbehaved. Though she never outwardly referred to him as her son, the thought was truly there. I even heard him call her Mom a few times, though I do not think I was meant to hear it.

As it turned out, however, Twilight was sent to Ponyville both to forsee prep work for the Summer Sun Celebration and because the Princess blatantly told her she needed to make some friends.

Who would think that she would end up becoming the Princess of Friendship, among all things?

The day she arrived was the day she met Fluttershy, Applejack, the Pink Menace, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity. They became fast friends, and in the course of that one day managed to learn that they each bore the Elements of Harmony.

Applejack was and still is the Element of Honesty, Fluttershy the Element of Kindness, Pinkie Laughter, Rainbow Dash Loyalty, and Rarity is Generosity. Twilight herself is the Element of Magic and/or Book Smarts. I swear she's read every book in existence. She was even familiar with Emily Dickinson's poetry. From my world. Don't bother, your head will explode before you make sense of it.

They managed to defeat Nightmare Moon, return Celestia (who gave each of them a hug and two of them didn't wash for three days because of it), and they brought Luna back to her senses. Because of their heroics, they were each awarded what I equated to the Medal of Honor. Pinkie's was hung up on a plaque in her room. I was very impressed- none of them even had to die to get the award!

I learned then that Fluttershy was in the army before she moved to Ponyville, as was Rainbow Dash- pegasi sign up for service because of the rewards they get in cost of living and tax decreases, at least in Cloudsdale. For somepony that became a Lieutenant Colonel like Fluttershy, there was complete tax exemption.

Rainbow, meanwhile, made it to Corporal. Her taxes were cut by 40%. Both were honorably discharged, and neither of them only had the Equestrian Medal of Honor in their homes. Fluttershy specifically had a Silver Star, a Purple Heart, something called a Gold Shine Sprite, a Medal of Valor, and what equated to the Distinguished Service Cross. Rainbow had a Bronze Star and a Silver Shine Sprite.

I never found out just what Fluttershy did during her time in the army, but the thought of this sweet as sugar pegasus who was near physically incapable of talking above a whisper fighting beside me against the Nazis was amusing. After having seen her quell the most unruly animal by simply staring at them, I didn't doubt her abilities. She could probably stop Sasquatch cold with that stare of hers. Well, maybe. That guy crushed a Kraut's skull in between his palms, or so it was said, but I digress.

I smiled as my eyes drooped closed. Imagine if I told Pinkie stories of my old home? She would either think I was insane, totally believe me and be fascinated by what i have to say, or would believe me, but not think it was such a big deal because she was probably there herself once before. Again, Pinkie Pie.

The last thing I felt before sleep took me was a blanket being pulled over me.

---

Once more I was plagued by night terrors, and these were unlike any I'd endured yet. They were so graphic and disgusting that I began to question my own sanity. Once more the Princess of the Night had to visit me to banish the terrors.

When they were gone, she tried to convince me to see a therapist, and I couldn't blame her. The dreams I had that night...

I'm not going to recite the things that I dreamt of that night, but I will say this: remember the whispers I heard on the wind of terrible atrocities being committed by Hitler's Nazi party?

Needless to say, my dream left me in a sour mood the next morning. I woke up shaking, but Pinkie did not enter the room to wake me today. It was one of the first times I didn't have tons to worry about doing, so she let me sleep in.

The room was unfamiliar to me now. My groggy mind had forgotten the decor change and for a moment I found myself wondering if I was in Stevie's room. He was a huge fan of the Daring Do series, but mostly just because of the pictures.

I felt a yawn escape my lips and I rolled out of the bed, doing my best to make it up nice. Of course, being me, a made bed was a bed with sheets draped over it in a sloppy fashion.

I spent twenty minutes trying to make it look immaculate. I remember that my bed was one of the biggest reasons I ended up cleaning latrines so often in boot camp. It was never made the way they wanted it made. I'm pretty sure the boys in the barracks had a pool for the next time I was going to get shit from someone for it.

It wasn't through lack of trying, either. I'm just not capable of making a bed look presentable. Besides, I read somewhere that leaving a messy bed was a good way to keep bed bugs from infesting it. Or at least, it helped.

Where I am now, though, I was not sure there even were bed bugs in the first place. Regardless, I was staying here in someone else's house and place of business, so the least I could do was try to make the bed look presentable.

When I was finally satisfied (I gave up), I nodded and left the room.

I found my way to the staircase, where I heard the low murmur of a crowd. I was surprised that they were so quiet and for a moment I feared it was due to my sleeping in. What was I to earn that sort of behavior? Royalty?

I later found out it was because of the Cake foals. Nobody wanted to wake them from a nap because to wake one of them was to awaken the devil.

I rarely saw them yet if at all, though.

Part of me wanted to go back to the room and wait a bit for the crowd to clear, but I needed to get used to this sort of thing if I was going to live here. I steeled myself and descended the staircase.

It turned out I had little to worry about- the staircase let out into a hallway, not the dining area. My groggy mind had completely forgotten that. I found myself wandering towards the kitchen, hoping to find Pinkie. I wanted to ask her if there was something I could do for her today.

That plan went the way of the dodo, considering there was a note on the fridge with a small scribble of the Pink Menace herself in the corner:

Sammy,

Went into the Everfree to help find Fluttershy's bunny. Back soon. Go see somepony today- it's really nice out. Just don't go into the Everfree. Too many mosquitoes and also it's dangerous.

-Pinkamena

P.S. I hate mosquitoes and you should too. Trust me, I have a Masters in Entomology.

Well, so much for Pinkie. I decided I was going to eat something and then go into town. Maybe I could see if Rarity needed anything. Unless she went bunny hunting too.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute," I muttered to myself. "'Pinkamena'?"

---

I really was getting better with my horn.

My breakfast, which consisted of eggs and potatoes, was eaten at one of the tables among the patrons. I felt a tad uncomfortable (especially considering one of the Cakes had cooked it for me), but I must've been doing a good job with my magic, because I didn't make a mess. I even dared to risk a few showoffy movements, like making the fork zig zag or flip.

At least, I did so until I was asked to stop by some killjoy, because she was picking up on my entertainment.

Once I was made to stop, I stared down at the arm that the nurse had tested. The scab was almost all the way gone already, and my fur had started to come back in, if the tint of red was anything to go by other than blood. I made sure it wasn't, of course. I cleaned the dishes I used for the Cakes and rinsed my arm to make sure.

The red that matched the rest of my fur was not blood after all! Who knew?

"Hey, I never said I was a smart mare."

I felt my ears droop at the last word. Something wasn't right. It was true, though! I got myself hurt by the Krauts because I threw caution to the wind. Also, I'm not the most sensitive of fillies so self deprecating humor shouldn't-

Wait, I-

I felt my eyes widen as recognition washed over me. Mare! I'm not a mare. I'm a stallion. I was a stallion, rather. Then the Krauts happened.

I put my arms to my head and shook. Come on, brain- work with me here!

I smacked the side of my head with a hoof and shook my head violently once more, mussing up my mane in the process. I glared into my reflection from the mirror above the sink.

"Pull yourself together," I growled.

I heard somepony clear his throat, and my head shot to look at the source. It was the stallion of the shop, Mr. Cake. So far, he was one of the few ponies I know of that managed to grow stubble. What that means is, he has fur on top of his fur. At least around his mouth he does. Also, he is always wearing a striped cap. Always. He sleeps in it. I chuckled nervously while Mr. Cake eyed me.

"How much did you see?" I asked.

"Enough to be concerned. Is something on your mind, little one?"

I gave a nod. Might as well come clean.

"Yeah, I'm just... this whole adoption thing is new to me. I feel very out of place."

Remember the part where I said might as well come clean? Fuck that.

He gave his best impression of a comforting smile.

"I know how you might feel. I was adopted myself."

My ears perked up at that. He nodded. "That's right. My birth parents gave me up for adoption. I was taken in by a kindly mare and stallion, and I was raised a Cake. I wasn't taken in, however, until I was around ten years old."

He chuckled. "They never asked me to call them Mom and Dad. It took me years to even think of that place as my home. For a while, it was Misty Heart and Brick Flop's home- my mom and dad."

I listened intently. This was the most Mr. Cake had spoken to me yet.

"It takes time to get used to a new house regardless. Why, when Cup and I first moved to this place, we both swore it was haunted just because it was so cold all the time. Turned out the insulation just needed to be replaced, but that's not the point. What you're feeling is normal. Just remember that we all are glad to have you here, and this is your home for as long as you will have it."

He patted my shoulder. "If you need some time to get to feeling that way, it's okay. Take all the time you need."

I smiled up at him. "Thank you, sir. I appreciate it."

He chuckled. "No problem. And if you need anything, please don't hesitate."

I gave a nod, but I had no intention of making requests. I was staying here for free, after all.

Mr. Cake fetched a few dry dishes, and left the kitchen, and though his talk didn't exactly resolve my real issues, I did leave Sugarcube Corner in better spirits than I'd woken up that morning.

I felt myself practically jump out of my skin when I heard the voice of the Pink Menace screaming from seemingly nowhere. I wasn't three steps out the door yet, either!

"Sammy! Please feed Gummy before you go anywhere! He's in my room. Just give him the cupcake in my nightstand."

Was your question "Who is Gummy?" Because that was my question. I swear I heard Pinkie again after a moment yell, "What?"

I decided not to scream like a mad mare- mad stallion, and instead I went back to Sugarcube Corner. I was afraid of not doing something asked of me by the Pink Menace.

Mrs. Cake, manning the counter and taking the order of a large red stallion, smiled as the door opened, but the smile became a confused frown.

"Did you forget something, dear?"

"I'm going to feed a thing."

She blinked. "Huh?"

"Pinkie said something about a Gummy."

The little light went off above her head. "Oh! Yes, go right up. The little guy is probably asleep right now. He's so sweet."

I gave a curt nod, and let Mrs. Cake get back to serving the stallion, who had a large green apple cut- word withheld mark. The stallion acknowledged me with a nod as well, and I found my way up the stairs. I opened the door to Pinkie's room, expecting a complete mess of party favors, candy, and a dead body.

Instead I found an immaculate room with walls just covered from floor to ceiling with master degrees, all to one Pinkamena Diane Pie. When I say from floor to ceiling, I mean it. The place was positively adorned with awards to the Pink Menace. Her ceiling just above the bed was decorated with photos of her posing with her friends, and a picture of her with a few other ponies I did not know. One from that group made it into another picture with her. It was a grey mare in a blue turtleneck that didn't look like she smiled a day in her life. Around those pictures? More fucking awards.

"Woah," I muttered. "I thought you were bullshitting, Pinkie."

On her nightstand I saw her Medal of Honor. Her bed was covered in pink sheets (I assume to make her blend in) and next to her bed I saw a bowl of water and a plate with a few crumbs on it.

No sign of a pet, though. I reasoned it was hiding under the bed or something. I went into her nightstand and took a cupcake from it, which was surprisingly not stale. A chocolate chip muffin. Isn't chocolate toxic to dogs? What about cats?

"Gummy," I called gently. "You have a, uhh... cupcake."

There was just silence. "I'm going to get you clean water now. Please don't be dead face first in the muffin when I return. Come to think of it, just don't be dead, okay?"

I left the room with the old water and took it to the bathroom, where I washed it out and refilled it. I gave myself another look in the mirror, and ran a brush through my mane one more time. I liked Pinkie Pie, but I didn't want my mane doing what hers does.

When I was satisfied, I brought the bowl back to Pinkie's room. I had to take great care to magic the bowl through the hall without spilling. Surely there was a way to keep the water from falling out too? I would have to ask somepony.

When I entered the room again, the muffin was gone, but I still saw no sign of Gummy. This little bugger could be invisible when he wanted to be.

I set the bowl down with a smile, and turned to leave the room. That was when I saw the fucking alligator with eyes facing opposite directions. He blinked each eye seperately at me.

"Oh," I said. "You must be Gummy."

He said nothing, instead blinking unevenly at me again.

"Excuse me."

I waited for no response of any kind. Alligators freaked me out back home! I'm pretty sure I knew a guy who knew a guy whose best friend's sister's son in law had a dog that got eaten by one of these things!

I galloped out of the room, down the steps, and out the door in a red and blue blur. I'm pretty sure I turned a few heads but I didn't stop to find out.

I didn't stop running until I was well away from Sugarcube Corner. When I did stop to catch my breath, I heard Pinkie yell again.

"By the way, Sammy- Gummy is an alligator but he's the cutest sweetest nicest little guy you will ever see! Also he has no teeth, so don't worry!"

I didn't respond on account of being too busy catching my breath. I hadn't galloped that hard since I woke up in the woods. All I knew at the time was, I didn't want to be in a 100 foot radius of Sugarcube Corner at that moment.

When I managed to compose myself, I decided I might as well check in on Rarity like I planned. She didn't seem the sort to go willingly into a forest to me. Then again, for all I knew she was a lumberjack in her down time.

The primary issue was finding her place of business in the first place. I'd forgotten the name and had never seen it before. At least, I didn't remember ever seeing it. With how my memory had been of late, it wouldn't surprise me. Part of me feared forgetting all of who I used to be. What would happen if one day I woke up, and the battle I'd been waging in my mind stopped?

It sounds great, I suppose, but what I mean is, what if it stopped because I forgot what I was fighting for? Or I forgot why I was fighting in the first place? How long before I forgot my life before all this, my brother, my mother? What if one day I woke up and figured, "Fuck it, Pinkie is my mother"? Sure, on paper she was, but it was different being on paper and being uttered as a phrase.

"What is your brother's name, Sammy?" I asked myself lowly. "Stevie. What was your mother's name? Maggie."

I felt hope bubble up within me. Some part of me just knew the answers were correct.

"Whatever stress this amnesia is spawning from, you're not getting me without a fight," I mumbled. I smiled a bit.

The one place I knew how to get to at the time other than Sugarcube Corner was the castle that Twilight Sparkle lived in. I figured she'd be out helping in the woods too, but Spike might be there. The Castle was part library as well, so I figured maybe he was in charge of it or something.

It turned out I was right. I didn't even get a chance to lay a hoof on the door, though. It opened and the stout, pudgy dragon gazed up at me. We silently stared at each other for a few moments.

I broke the ice.

"If you were going for creepiest way to answer a door, you nailed it."

He smiled sheepishly. "I thought you were Twilight. Did you need something?"

"I was hoping you knew where to find Rarity's shop. I owe her a favor."

At the mention of Rarity, Spike came down with a nasty case of googly eyes. I swear I saw hearts coming out of them.

"Boy, do I. She's busy today, though. Something about helping Fluttershy. Uhh, the yellow pegasus that's scared of her own shadow. You remember her, right?"

I gave a nod, and sighed. "Can you direct me to her work? Maybe I can help her with something when she is free."

He eyed me suspiciously. "Say, why are you so insistent on this? I have dibs on her. I'm her knight in shining armor. Plus, she doesn't like girls. I mean, not like that."

I put a hoof to my eyes. "No, ding dong. I don't play for that team."

...did I? What gender did I prefer before the Krauts? The more I thought about it, the more my head would hurt.

I started thinking more of everything. I didn't find myself even remotely attracted to anypony. Then again, I was just six years old so what did I know at the time? Then again, Spike was a baby dragon raised by ponies. Wouldn't he have some of our customs, as well? Maybe his hormones worked different.

"Sam."

My ears perked up and I gave my head a shake. Spike was smiling at me.

"Are you in pain, or was that your thinking face?"

I smiled sheepishly.

---

Spike and I ended up hanging out for the day, but we weren't just sitting around chatting. Twilight had left him with some chores, and I was helping him do them.

The word helping is a stretch, admittedly. Twilight's idea of chores was rearrange the order of all the books in the library. Eyeing the towers of knowledge all around us greatly intimidated me, but Spike assured me that he'd already done the brunt of the work. I didn't believe him until I saw him at it- The little guy could really move!

I got to learn a bit more about him from his crush on Rarity to his love for Twilight. He absolutely idolized her, but remained unbiased at the same time. Spike told me that she was extremely intelligent, but also kind of obsessive, and was prone to going on rants about the "magic of friendship." His descriptions made me wonder how long I would last in such a conversation before I willed the Mongoose into existence and blew my brains out with it. My bits were on a matter of minutes.

I didn't say that out loud to Spike, and I was sure to never say it to Twilight or to anypony for that matter.

I admired Spike soon after I met him. He was still very young, but could also be very smart when he had to be. That's not to say he was perfect, but he treated me like an equal from the moment I met him. I appreciated that.

It was 4 o'clock by the time Twilight came back. The others were not with her save for Rainbow Dash. They came in debating, and when I made a move to greet them, Spike stopped me.

"...No, no, no. Because in the fourteenth book, Daring escaped the temple as it engulfed in flames through the roof!"

"True, but she was also burned and suffered from smoke inhalation on the way out, remember?"

Neither of them noticed us. At this point, we were each just finishing up with the books.

"My question is, if she suffered burns and was out for the count for a few days after her exploits in the Temple Inferno, how come in the twenty-ninth book she went through similar trials and had almost the same escape, but didn't have to worry about burns or anything? C'mon, Twi. You're the egghead here- what did she do?"

The two walked right past us without even noticing. I felt myself relieved that they both had wings; if they were this engrossed in their conversation for the whole walk, they could have walked off a cliff, or maybe even into quicksand or something! Do wings work in quicksand?

They'd work in the cliff situation at least.

Spike and I just stared as they ascended the staircase. We looked at each other, then back at their retreating forms.

"And a hearty hello to you too!" I called.

End of Chapter

Author's Note:

This may be the last chapter for a bit. My best friend's father is very very sick, and it's not looking like he's going to make it. This is occurring just a month after a girl i knew that was 22 years old died of cancer. Two weeks after this same best friend of mine was in the hospital with an erratic heartbeat.
Two months out from my girl cheating on me.
Fuck this year. 2017 is dead to me.

Comments

[Silent Echo]

Great chapter.
Hopp your friends dad make it i pray for him now.

[Silent Echo]

8166493 ?

[Judge Holden]

8183419 Get it? To make a long story short? Because... because it's only a few words!

[scootalooftw]

8183381 I was actually quoting something. Obviously you didn't pick up on the reference.

[unknowncape7377]

8183445 I don't get it

[scootalooftw]

8184193 there was an episode of family guy spoofing that line, and when Roosevelt said the "we have nothing to fear" line, people in the crowd started calling out different things. It may have been robot chicken that spoofed it.

[unknowncape7377]

8184295 oooohhh.... I didn't watch that one... I didn't get the chance

[scootalooftw]

8184316 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64PWxzW5vZU

[unknowncape7377]

8184392
Lol it is so funny at the end