Will Ye No Come Back Again?

by Judge Holden

Ward of the Crown

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."

-Proverbs 27:17

In my defense, I didn't know what an Element of Harmony was. I didn't know that I pointed the finger at the one horse here who literally everyone knew. I definitely didn't know that it was the bearer of the Element of Honesty. You know, on account of not knowing what that was in the first place.

Here I was sitting in a castle I was stunned I never noticed. A purple horse-unicorn-pegasi-thingy poured me a glass of milk. Her horn seemed to glow and the container did in kind. After all this, I just- I can't anymore.

"I wish you came to me first," she said. "Did you not find the note?"

I blinked. "Note?"

The horse smiled at me. "I left you two bits and my address a few days ago. Don't you remember?"

"Right, yes! Thank you for that, by the way."

She shook her head. "You looked like you really needed it."

Applejack walked into the room from the wing she and Pinkie were talking in. She sat down across from me.

"Pinkie's going out now to get the papers," she said to Twilight in a thick southern drawl.

"Would you like a glass of milk too, AJ?"

She nodded with a smile. "I'd like that, thank you."

Finally, the horse turned her head to me. I hadn't taken a sip of mine yet, lest I knock the glass over.

"You want to tell me why you lied, then?" she asked. I shrunk back a bit.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"I'm not the one you should apologize to. Didn't your family ever teach you not to lie?"

I looked down at the table.

"Yes'm."

I heard her sigh softly. She put a reassuring hoof on mine.

"I'm sure Pinkie's not mad at'cha. I sure ain't either. If anything I'm flattered," she chuckled. "But you don't want to be an Apple, trust me. There's a lot of buckin' tough old apple trees involved. It'll kill a yougun's legs."

I heard her pick up her glass, but I still refused eye contact.

"Don't get me started on Big Mac's snorin'. Trust me, you don't want in on that."

I felt a smile pull at my face.

"Heh, don't tell him I said that. He'll never forgive me."

"She's not kidding," said the purple horse, Twilight Sparkle. "I swear I could hear Big Mac's snoring from Canterlot."

Applejack chuckled. Twilight Sparkle sat down next to her and both eyed me.

"So, why don't you tell us what you're doing out there on your own? Where are your parents?"

I gathered the courage to look at them both. Applejack was eyeing me hard, as if to see if I were to lie again.

I took a breath to steady myself, and stared Twilight down. "I'm dead to them."

Twilight looked to Applejack, her eyes begging the cowgirl to call my bluff. Unfortunately for her, Applejack nodded her head slowly.

"Can't spot a sign of deception."

I felt a hoof on my own. "I'm so sorry, sugarcube."

I nodded wordlessly. "Thanks. I'm sorry for lying."

"Yeah, why would you lie to Pinkie about having a place to stay? Were you afraid she would be all Pinkie about it? You know what? I just answered my own question.

"I know she's really energetic all the time, but she's a good pony. She makes it her mission to meet and befriend every new pony to the town. She also has this habit of throwing parties every chance she gets."

I tilted my head. Twilight smiled, and continued. "She tried to throw a tax return party three years ago."

I blinked. "Why?"

"Because she's Pinkie Pie."

I was silent for a moment, and decided not to pursue that conversation any further. Something told me I made the right move.

"What are you going to do with me?" I asked, looking into my still untouched glass of milk.

"Pinkie is going to get some paperwork. What happens next is up to you, Sammy."

I stayed quiet, willing her to continue.

"If you're a ward of the crown, you can't be left on the streets, especially at your age. You've got the option of Honorhall Orphanage, or door number two."

What's door number two? Before I could even voice my question, Pinkie practically bounced into the room- the door slammed open and I immediately tensed up- the racket sounded to me like a rifle report. I unconsciously slid myself further down in the chair.

"That's meeeeee!!!!!!" she screamed. She'd been awful loud since I met her, but... I wouldn't be surprised if a battle in my world completely stopped, and they all looked to the sky wondering what that voice was.

"Umm... what Pinkie is trying to say is we also have adoption forms for you to fill out. I mean, if you want. You don't have to."

I looked over my shoulder at the source of the new voice. She seemed to be shaking as much as I was, though in her case it was due to the cold outside. Her fur was almost gold save for her mane- it was pink. She had a tattoo of a few butterflies on her flank- I'd asked Pinkie about those tattoos over breakfast as I've seen them on many horses here. She called it a cutie mark.

So, another phrase made the list.

At the moment, however, I was drowning in my thoughts. I had a family! I had a mom and a dad and a... a... brother! They were without me. I didn't want to be adopted!

I certainly didn't want to go to an orphanage either, the more I thought about it- I had been surviving on my own so far.

I recalled what Princess Luna told me in my previous dream- that creatures such as we could live upwards of 500 years. If that were true, how old did that make me? Pinkie thought six, right?

"A-a-a-adopted?" I squeaked. The yellow horse nodded gently.

"How long until I am an adult?" I gasped out. Twilight tilted her head while the others went about conversing.

"Legal adult age, you mean? You have to be 25."

"How old are you?" I whispered. She smiled. "87."

The room began to spin again. On my way to the floor I saw Rainbow Dash once more.

"She's going down again," she said before starting towards me.

Where the fuck am I?

End of Chapter

Author's Note:

So, which do you think he's going to be going with? Adoption or an orphanage full of Grelod the Kind?

Comments

[VikingOtaku6]

Honorha- Grelod, you dirty whorse! Get back here, so I tear out your heart, and extend my Bloodlust! I didn't spend all this time becoming a Companion of the Inner Circle just to have you fuck it up! Nom nom nom!

[Silent Echo]

Nice Skyrim referenc.

[Snowfyre]

i find myself hoping sammy wont go for living with pinky

[Judge Holden]

7971379

Hello, Grelod.

I for some reason find that thought to be really really funny. And a chance for me to rip apart a cliche. Oh well. Hold my beer.

[unknowncape7377]

7972236
No I'll not hold that because something stupid is likely to happen while you say "hey y'all look at this"*thud*