Will Ye No Come Back Again?

by Judge Holden

Paradoxes And Oxymorons

"War is the ultimate game because war is at last a forcing of the unity of existence. War is God."

-Judge Holden/Cormac McCarthy

---

I did not return to the town until night fell. By then, the rain had stopped and I was no longer so tense.

The thunderstorm was hell on my nerves. I'd never been so scared of something so stupid before.

I was kicking myself for leaving Rarity. She was the closest thing I had to a friend so far, and I should have opened up to her. Of course, what was I going to say?

"So, I'm actually a human male, and my world has been at war. I sort of exploded, but only kind of, and now I'm here. Also, if you can help me learn how to grip stuff, I'd appreciate it."

I didn't know if the town had a mental asylum or not, but I did know that I absolutely hated the concept of them- I supported sending Stevie to one until I heard the rumors of terrible things happening within. I only hope they still avoided sending him to a cuckoo's nest. As for me, whose to say that I wouldn't be thrown into one and given one of their special treatments? Lobotomy, EST, Horn-ectomy... the sky's the limit.

I felt like I was my only real friend, and I hated it.

I felt it odd to be so angry and sad in a world so happy and bright. Just one more way I did not belong, I suppose. What I would give to go home. What equated to a distant echo in my mind uttered, "You are home."

I fell onto my blanket and pillow, both of which were soaked through from the rain. I pulled the paper and two coins I was left out of the pillow case- the paper was amazingly not soaked through.

Eyes were on me. In an instant I got to my feet, and looked around me for the stalker.

"Note to whoever is out there," I called. "I've never hurt a horse before. You don't want to be the first."

There was no answer but for eerie silence, and I stomped a hoof.

"Show yourself!" I shouted. A few windows opened, and I felt additional horses watching me, but I could care less about them right now. I wanted to confront my stalker and convince whoever it was to leave me alone. So, I should have probably braced myself, considering there was the possibility of anything jumping out at me.

Like a pink blur, for instance.

This horse literally came out of nowhere, and it moved impossibly fast- faster than Rainbow Dash flew. It could have come from the gates of hell, and it literally stopped itself just an inch from my muzzle.

The grin on its face was so big that I found myself wondering if I was about to be killed again. And did I mention that this one was pink? It had a messy mane like mine, though less matted with dirt and twigs. Additionally, I felt like I was beaten down by current events. This horse was practically vibrating with energy.

Come to think of it, it was vibrating with energy.

"I finally have you all alone," she squealed. I took a step back, but she took another step forward. "I'm going to enjoy this!"

I felt my fur begin to stand up, and I prepared myself to flee. I'd meant my statement as a bluff- I can't fight like this! I can barely eat like this!

The pink horse pulled back, and began to hop around me while chanting, "Welcome, welcome welcome" over and over again. I mean she was literally hopping, and she was getting surprisingly good height. Oddly enough, I don't think she was getting tired.

"I'm so happy to finally get some time to talk to you, Sammy!"

How did she know my name? Well, she was close enough.

"It seemed like you were one busy pony since you got here! I wanted to make you cupcakes but apparently they aren't so good for you but everypony deserves yummy treats, and everypony deserves a welcome party!"

She instantly stopped hopping, and then turned to face me impossibly fast.

"Wait, did you already get a welcome party that I wasn't invited to?"

I blinked. She visibly relaxed.

"Thank goodness. You haven't lived until you had a Pinkie Party!"

"I-"

She squealed loudly. "I'm going to throw you the partiest of all parties and we're going to be bestest friends and there will be cupcakes! Wait! You don't have problems with gluten, do you?"

She pulled a stethoscope out of her mane. I swear I am not making that up.

"Hmm... you definitely have a heartbeat."

I didn't bother telling her that she was holding it to her own heart.

"Nope, Dr. Pinkie gives you a clean bill of health!"

"Why-"

"Ooh!"

She reached into my mane and pulled a large stone out of it. I wasn't surprised; the last time I came close to a wash was when I almost drowned.

"Can I keep?" she asked. That grin came right back.

"Sure?" I asked.

"Yay! I shouldn't be asking you for presents though. If anything, I should be giving you the presents! It is almost Nightmare Night, after all."

"What?"

"Ooh, are you excited? I know I am! I'm so excited I can barely contain it!"

"I'm not catching what you're throwing down, sister."

At this point I was getting the feeling that the horse I was now conversing with was insane, and therefore I should probably be on my best behavior, because I didn't want to end up a stylish lampshade in her basement.

"The candy is the best part ever. Ooh, wait! Where's your mom and dad? They shouldn't be leaving a little filly out here by herself."

I scowled. "I'm not little."

She giggled, then hopped a circle around me again. I was frozen.

"Nonsense! Hmm, as far as I can tell, you're what, six?"

Suddenly I wasn't frozen anymore. I turned to face her. Though part of me said she was wrong, another part was sure she was right. How- how old was I again?

"Who told you that?"

It was the first time I got her to recoil.

"I was right?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I think!"

The pink horse looked about to respond, but I saw her crazy eyes wander over my shoulder to my bedding. Before either of us could say a word, her tail shot straight out, her eye twitched, and she let out a gasp.

Then I, being the completely logical horse person thing I was, decided to turn and run.

So you can imagine my surprise when I turned a corner and ran into the pink one again.

"I'm sorry, that's just my-"

"Tourettes?" I shot. I actually managed to catch her off guard.

"N-no? No, I'm not a tourist. It's my Pinkie sense. It told me somepony nearby was in need!"

I turned away again to run, but she found her way in front of me once more.

"Why are you sleeping in the middle of town like that? Huh? Where's your mommy and daddy? They better not be forcing you to sleep out here or ol' Pinkie's going to-"

"My parents are dead," I lied. "It's just me."

In hindsight, I probably could have told her the whole truth. Even if she didn't believe me and tried to tell other people (horses) that I'm some looney, I had a feeling she came off as plenty crazy for the two of us.

What I'm saying is, I should have probably just told her what really happened because who was going to believe her?

I really shouldn't have said that my parents were dead, because in the span of twenty seconds the nut case began to sob hysterically, claimed me as her own, unclaimed me as her own because I told her I was going to live with my family elsewhere, and then insisted I stay the night with her, because it was to rain again.

I want to be very clear: I said "no." I was careful to specify that the answer was no. If I had the ability to, I would have realigned the stars in the sky so they read the word "No." I sang her the word No. I also spelled it out to be extra clear.

So, she said, "Yeah!" with a grin. Again, I SAID NO. I even said it in Russian.

So I don't know for sure how I ended up in a guest bedroom atop a bakery in embarrassingly comfortable pajamas, but I do know this:

I greatly fear the pink menace.

End of Chapter

Comments

[Silent Echo]

you dont have to fear Me!

[unknowncape7377]

7922081
I have some words to make you fear her:
Cupcakes hd
Smile hd