Issue 2.3 - A Relapse of Emotion
“Rainbow!” Firefly cried. “You saved us!”
“That I did, squirt,” Rainbow Dash croaked, “That I *hack* did.”
“And my Aunt Ter saved you!” Firefly said enthusiastically looking to her flesh and blood.
“It wasn’t easy,” Ter said, “But me and my old colleague Magis Cane were able to stabilize… whatever it was that was attacking Rainbow’s mana directly.”
There was a short silence for the patient and two fillies to process her words. What was most pressing for the fillies however was a question Sky had been wondering since she had seen her best friend’s aunt work miracles. “Ms. Cell,” Skylark began, “Since when were you a doctor?”
The question took Terra by surprise, if only for a few moments. “I guess I did say questions later…” she muttered.
Firefly quickly shifted mindsets as she too had been wondering that question, though it had been set back as a minor priority compared to Rainbow’s life. “Yeah, Aunt Ter, since when were you a doctor?”
“Since I was a young mare, my little ponies,” Ter sighed. I can’t get out of this one, she thought. “I’ve always been a doctor. It’s my special talent. Although it doesn’t look it, the stick with a swirl on my flank does not mean the kitchen or some sport. It’s a rod of Asclepius.”
“What does that mean?” Firefly asked.
“A ‘rod of Skelepus’?” Sky inquired. “But it doesn’t look anything like a skeleton or a octopus?”
“Not ‘Skelepus’, Sky.” Ter corrected, “Asclepius. And it means ‘healing’.”
“So how did you get it?” Firefly asked. “Did you find some ancient artifact and save a whole town?”
“Or how about defeating an evil monster by hitting them with it!” Sky chimed in.
Ter chuckled. “None of the above, Sky, Firefly. I had been helping splint a friend that had injured her leg in a freak wagon accident and as I finished tying the tourniquets, there it was! A healing cutie mark! I went with my friend to hospital right then and there, and I eventually became a well-known contributor to the medical community. I was ecstatic, you know. It’s not everyday you get a cutie mark in something you’ve been wanting to do all your life. ”
“But I thought that’s what happens all the time?” Sky thought aloud.
“Not always, Sky,” Ter said. “Sometimes, you get a cutie mark in something you didn’t think you would ever be good at or do. And those times, you have to work extra hard, but those ponies always end up happy with their lives.”
As all of this happened, Rainbow Dash watched with melancholic interest. These two fillies were so eager to find out their destinies… so eager to do something in life… so eager to get their- their cutie marks…
Rainbow could feel the world begin to spin and blur as she thought of another group of fillies that she knew… or used to know. The Cutie Mark Crusaders. And- and… she might never get to see them again… How she would never be able to teach Scootaloo how to truly fly and feel the wind beneath her wings...
She could feel a tapping at her side and a voice calling her name. As the world righted itself, she looked to the side of her bed to see Firefly, Sky, and Ter eyeing her worriedly. “Rainbow? Are you alright?” Firefly asked.
Sniffling, Rainbow wiped her eyes. She couldn’t show weakness to the ponies she had just saved. However much being in a hospital bed lessened her awesomeness, she couldn’t let them see her like this. Nodding her head, she smiled shakily. “Y-yeah, of course! Rainbow Dash is always *gak* alright…!” She trailed off as her weak smile faltered at the sight of their disbelief.
“Come on Rainbow,” Firefly pleaded. “Tell us what’s wrong.”
Rainbow looked away, the tears returning in full force to her face. It was only seconds later that her fur was matted with tears. Red and hot, they made it hard to see. Her body shook, trying to contain her posture, but there was only so much she could do. “I… E-everything… N-not…”
Rainbow glanced down to her hooves and truly saw them for the first time since waking up. They seemed so unhealthily skinny. Her blue coat had lost its lustrous vibrance, replaced by a dull pallor. Fragile. Broken.
Pitiful.
Suddenly, she remembered why she had done what she did. Why she stood up to those thugs. To try and save those ponies. Because she didn’t have a reason to live anymore. What was the point? All her friends were gone. Tank was gone. Ponyville was gone. She was in a different time and place. Equestria was at war.
Everything she knew had disappeared in a flash.
Slumping into her bed and turning away from her visitors, Rainbow closeted herself. Curling herself in the blankets she was in, she began to cry. Cry, cry, cry. Why was she still here? Why was she still alive? She closed her eyes and let the tears fall. She shut them hard, seeing white in the black abyss. Her breath hitched, her body shook, and she was cut off from everything around her.
“Rainbow?” Firefly began to cry. “Rainbow? Rainbow!”
Ter looked on between her niece and the dulled polychromatic mare. She could only watch in detached understanding and sadness. “Firefly… we have to leave her be. When somepony is in this state, they can’t be disturbed. They need to time to heal and recuperate. There’s no telling when she’ll finally be okay.”
“But…” Firefly murmured worryingly, “She was fine just a second ago…”
“Firefly,” Sky said. “Maybe we should listen to your aunt. I think it’s time to go.”
“We can visit her tomorrow,” Ter said. “How about that? We’ll visit her tomorrow and maybe she’ll better then.”
Seeing Rainbow crying brought tears to Firefly’s own eyes, but she took one look at Sky and nodded. “Right. Uhm, yeah, let’s just have a sleepover or something. Sure.” Simple as that, Firefly promptly left the room.
Sky glanced worriedly at her own best friend before casting her eyes at Ter and running after Firefly. Taking one last look at Rainbow before she followed the fillies out, Ter sighed. “What could’ve made you like this?” Ter whispered aloud.
“Just… who are you?”
This might be a little rushed here. Please tell me what you think of it and I'll see if I can fix it.
We're almost there, girls and boys! After Issue 2, we'll be nearly halfway through the fic! Woohoo!
And why is this story more popular than GlimGlamStrange? Hm... 
Stats
Page generated in 0.016 seconds
Total duration
599 users online
766,230 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Because it’s awesome, duh!
You can't help but want more!
This story has a lot of potential. But I can't but feel that trying to stick to a film language is hurting it badly.
Movies and the written medium are fundamentally different in how to tell a story, and the parallel with The First Avenger is quite obvious. Yeah, there's a little filly there, why are we seeing her POV? Ain't this story about Rainbow and how she is the first Wonderbolt? The legend she crafts, her epic deeds and the war she fought in? Because it feels more like "The Foalhood if General Firefly" with RD as a special guest.
Another thing, half of it? This is barely the prologue of what your prequel and first chapter promise. This is how she found out she's in the past, that she has to do something, and got crippling hurt trying to help (and made a mess with that Rainboom in the north, if you hint correctly in that chapter).
So now she still has to become a super soldier, have a stellar albeit short militar career, while proving herself from being an complete no-pony without any proof she existed, creating a reputation for upholding all the elements in some exemplar manner - what means at least one heroic feat with each - and even visiting the zebras and giving them an emblem, while trying to leave clues to the distant future that she was alright/would be back.
I'm sorry, but it is impossible to tell all that in some twenty thousand words. Not with the pace you've kept until now, or the focus. You took a rather unique approach to this idea, the prompt is excellent and it still can be quite epic, but for that you need to tell us Rainbow's story, not Firefly's.
I like this story. The prequel made an excellent job of catching my attention too. It paints the portrait of a hero of legend. We know stories get exaggerated, but the tidbit with the zebras and how much she did, you promised more, much much more. And I believe you can deliver it. Don't give up, and please try to update faster if you can. I'd hate to see this one die. Keep on writing!
8214961 I joined this site and wrote stories specifically to get constructive comments like this, and I thank you so much for this.
You are completely correct. It’s been dragging on. But you know what? There’s a reason I’m putting an emphasis on Firefly and Rainbow Dash.
Chekhov’s Gun. That’s all I’’m saying.
And notice I said nearly. Not nearly enough. You’ll know exactly when the halfway point has been crossed, because it’ll be like a huge red flag in a flat desert. You’ll see it coming from a mile away. A long long mile away.
And once I reach that part in the story, I am going to post the third story in this universe. Though it may not be updated until GlimGlamStrange is finished and Avengerbolt has reached a certain point in it’s arc (trust me, I’ve planned all the way up until the conjoining fic), you’ll see many points coming together. Just wait and see.
Trust me on this. Please! I promise so much more, just stick around. I won’t be abandoning this, rest assured
Issues 4-5 will be all about Rainbow’s time as a soldier. And I will try to fill those two issues up with as many sub-issues to compensate. Issue 6 will be short, and there will be one final issue that is essentially The First Avenger’s epilogue.
And then there are the extra bite sized bits I will post in at the ends of each story. Similar to post-credits. There’s still lot’s more, I can promise you this
I’m sorry for making you think it would only be 20,000 words. In the direction I’m taking it, it will most likely be around the 6-80,000’s. So I’m sorry for any doubt!
8215858
Nice to know. And yeah, I’ll stick around
I assumed more 20k because it has 19 already. But on more 60~80 thousand? Easily doable. I’ll anxiously wait for updates then, and remember: Pinkie is watching
Edit: Glimmer as the Sorcerer Supreme? What’s Twilight then, chopped liver?
I am curious now, though. Maybe I’ll give it a read latter.
8215858
So, RD is Captain Equestria, SG is Dr. Strange, Rarity is Iron Mare, Applejack is Thor, hmm.....who is going to be the Hulk, Hawkeye, and Black Widow? Or, if this is going by animated TV series, Hulk, Wasp, and Ant-man. Why do I have the feeling that Zecora is going to be Black Panther, since she was the Shaman of the tribe where Daring found the Emblem in the prequel one-shot.
8219363
A healing cutie mark! I went with my friend to the hospital right then and there,
“How about that? We’ll visit her tomorrow and maybe she’ll be better then.”
Makes me wonder if Firefly is Rainbow Dashes ancestor?
9537368
hmmm, that is possible, it could explain why Firefly felt a "connection" with Dash.