Discord's been naughty. Stellar gets involved, but can she make a difference on an alien world?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I must say a vary good start. I will read more as I have time.
Quite an interesting start. Though I have reservations about an alicorn main character. And....Seems a bit Mary Sue. Not all Mary Sue stories are bad, but...They can be difficult to pull off well. The technical aspects, the writing is fairly well done, though your pace is rather accelerated. Far be it for me to criticize there, I've been slammed for over rapid character development. I'm not going to say that I'm in love with the story, but....Promising start.
Alright. Read the first chapter. Will continue to read, but i wanted to say my biggest issue with this fic so far. The breaks. There are sooo many. I am listening to this fic using the site's text to speech bot and it reads out the breaks. Equalsequalsequalsequalsequalsequalsequalsequalsequalsequalsequalsequalsequalsequalsequalsequalsequalsequalsequals... It gets annoying with all of the breaks in this chapter. As i continute to read on, i can only hope there arent nearly this many breaks in the future... 14 breaks in this chapter alone. Thats quite a few....
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Those are scene changes. The more solid ones are where the scenes are unrelated to one another, the smaller ones are where the previous and following scenes are related. If you have a suggestion on how to change them so it won't do that, I am open to changing the scene breaks if it will work.