Stellar Light Sparkle
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Great!
I must say a vary good start. I will read more as I have time.
the detail is vary good I can say it is the little thing in the back ground that really sell a story.
I can say this story is vary much something to keep a eye on.
vary good planning for details and it flows really good.
now we weight for the next chapter.
PS Stellar Light Sparkle do not get depressed as to the lack of vote count after all the five score story line is not only a hard cell but it is a totally different kind of story to read and to be honest most do not follow it.
and have you added this to the five score group?
7845139
Yes, the story is up in the group Five Score, Multiplied By More. I'm also a member there.
Quite an interesting start. Though I have reservations about an alicorn main character. And....Seems a bit Mary Sue. Not all Mary Sue stories are bad, but...They can be difficult to pull off well. The technical aspects, the writing is fairly well done, though your pace is rather accelerated. Far be it for me to criticize there, I've been slammed for over rapid character development. I'm not going to say that I'm in love with the story, but....Promising start.
7846406
heh. i can understand your reservations. But Stellar's passed the Mary Sue test a few times. And while i can say she is powerful, she is also very disciplined. She's as powerful as Twilight is, and has a few extras like her armor, She does have her flaws as well, which will come out in the story.
I know the pace is accelerated, but I'm trying to squeeze a certain amount of content and travel in before certain events happen in a few other stories, and there are deadlines that have to be met to fit it in. Plus, travel is fast-paced by it's very nature in Australia. Unlike the US, where you can cross through three states in three hours, here the states are so big that you can spend a week travelling in one state in a straight line and not leave it. So there is a LOT of empty space that has been left out. The outback does not have the nick-name the G.A.F.A (The Great Australian Fuck-All) for nothing.
Okay...finished the second chapter. You had a formatting issue, more than half the chapter is in italics. I'd strongly suggest addressing that.
The chapter itself was confusing, the pacing is still extremely fast, and it's one long exposition dump. The first chapter had some decent action and brought the story along. Not so much here. I want to like this story, bit you are making it hard. And I will tell you something that's been told to me multiple times, a good editor is a must.
Okay...All caught up.
Still rather confused about the story. I get they are travelling, and I understand where to. And I'd love to know what timeline you are adhering to when it comes to such events (if you don't want to say publicly, you can send me a PM). I find I care about, and even like your main characters, Stellar is still rather excessively powerful....And that's coming from the author who wrote Lightning Dust in Dust on the Wind. Still weirded out when it comes to all the Equestrian stuff she has access to. I do find I'm curious to see what is coming next.
As a fellow author, if you want to chat about the story, just hit me up with a PM and we can talk.
7846558
Yeah... one missing letter. Comes from formatting it manually. >:P Fixed now.
Yeah. I understand it's like that. Problem is there's not much doing with them as they're changing. Even stellar's plans got changed along the way with the others showing up. I might write something else into that chapter as soon as i get what's flowing through me at the moment out of the way.
a vary interesting chapter.
I am wondering just who Cathy Owens will be reverting back to.
7849631
Cathy's cutie-mark is a BIG clue.
a vary good chapter with a interesting change, but I see one thing that is out of sorts a human being blind with the change that would be corrected as the true pony is returning and Cherry Blossoming can see.
img01.deviantart.net/9736/i/2013/230/e/e/mlp_12_old_style_cherry_blossom_by_symbianl-d5wbzak.png
a good chapter it looks as if plans are forming to help everypony and we now have the first of the human guardians.
7885533
Maybe... but what if the pony she was was also blind, and that's why the human went blind in the first place?
Oh, and her name isn't 'Cherry Blossom'... that's just the title of the chapter.
Mixed feelings on this interesting premise and decently written. Can't imagine a single agent being assigned to something so important or without a constant check in.
Wondering what is different about this version. If I understand the premise the five score universe is one of the alternative universes from the prime one. So far beyond Discord prime copying Stellar and sending her into the alternate to be cursed by that Discord I've seen no variation. Is there 2 Stellars now or wasn't there one in the Five Score universe
7887546
Oh, Discord Prime IS watching Stellar,don't worry. But he has to be very subtle to keep Discord-Thirteen from noticing he's watching, or it could lead Thirteen to put plans in place to nullify Stellar's presence.
No, there is only one Stellar there. If there had been another Stellar there originally, Discord Prime would have linked her to Stellar's 'Network'. Also, Because most of the other stories are taking place elsewhere in the world (The one's I've read), Stellar's efforts are yet to be noticed by others there. Be assured that when she does come to their attention, it will be in a BIG way. For example, when Stellar finally meets with Twilight, Twilight will immediately pick up on Stellar not being from their reality. Others Stellar can bluff through, because of their memory loss. Twilight will remember things pretty much from that instant, and they will have to make peace with each other's presence.
7888482 I was thinking of the American agent rather than Stellar. While Discord Prime might like another agent his options I imagine are extremely limited. If suddenly there was 2 Twilights, Starlights ect that would rapidly attract Discord
You are right most of the stories happening in other parts of the world
7889014
Indeed, if he knew there were two of them, it would attract his attention. But so far, the only agent that Discord might have gotten any information from in time to act is heading back, with his memories somewhat fixed, and it is likely Discord would read his report only summarily, then dismiss it, considering it goes against everything he's trying to set up. By the time Stellar and Twilight actually get together, certain events will have begun that he's too late to stop, and the meeting of the Twins is only going to act as a diversion, keeping him from focussing where he should be focussed. There's going to be a lot going on, and a lot of things to distract Discord form what's really going on.
7890391 Sadly I doubt for all her magic and attempts otherwise the alphabet soup of intelligence agencies aren't done with Stellar.
7890415
Of course not. She hasn't even reached the States yet. And the stragglers she finds along the way...
7887546
Ah, i understand. No, Durrach wasn't the only agent in his group. He was one of a group with six other agents sent to 'round up' as many ponies as they could, with agents from ASIO helping. The problem is that Durrach was assigned to a group by himself, with Azure along for the ride, using Azure to help them find other ponies. We find out what happened to him, but the other six are still in Australia, but most of them way down south. Durrach's party were following a lead that led way up north instead. The others should miss him in about three more days, but he'll be back in the States by then, and Stellar and her friends will be long-gone, too.
a vary informative chapter will all kind of new magic learned.
this will defiantly help the station out a hole bunch.
Interesting though conservation of matter seems to went walk-about in this chapter. What they did with the storage tank was VERY neat. I would expect good of shrinkage in the dirt as it was compressed into stone. Or the dirt to be displaced as it was replaced
7905554
The dam was reshaped a great deal as it was turned to stone. This one wasn't constructed well and was fairly shallow, which is partially why it dried out so easily. Now it's deeper and with more upright sides, hence the stairs for getting out. The walls gained their matter from the built-up sides that were over the top of the height of the prevailing landscape.
7905914 No arguments with what you've said about the original Dam and retention pond attached. Pondering the density and where the extra matter came from. Going from clay to brick there is usually at a 5-10% shrinkage and other forms of soil would be worse. Any Silica in the soil would easily add to making the pool waterpoof though make it harder to climb in and out
7906238
The 'Dam' as used in the Australian outback is usually what you call a self-contained 'retention pond' That's how it dried out to the state it was in.
Okay, I thought I made it clear that the pool is a lot deeper and wider than the original dam was. Obviously not. Count on it being about 60% wider at the bottom than the original, and it's deepened from about three metres to five. Cecelia and Mark don't have any young children, nor do any of their relatives, but as per good council regulations, the fence around it is contiguous and about two metres high and about forty centimetres thick, with a cornice at the top to prevent climbing. Once the gates are on, it will make it very difficult, but (as recent videos have shown) maybe not impossible to climb.
Hence the stairs on four sides of the pool.
So... I take it I need to read the original Five Score to understand this story?
this is looking good. I know the five score is hard to put in to words just fro he fact that their are so may story's out about it.
but I can say this is looking good.
but hear is a question you may want to think about. will you be following the story line set forth in the five score and if so you may want to chat with a few of the authors more to set events and the time line.
7956696 the original Five Score is kind of out dated I would recommend reading 1 or 2 of the newer versions.
7956696
It does help. That and Earning Wings Of A Different Nature as well as Dust On The Wind. These are the main stories I'm drawing on for timeline content and interaction. But these will not be directly copied, I'm not going to plagarise the stories of these fine authors any more than to set up what's needed for their parts in my stories. Hopefully they can mesh together fairly well. Many of the characters from them will appear, some events will take place in the same time and locations but with different results, and there's going to be a lot more things that don't appear in any of them, of course. Besides, why wouldn't you read the original story, if you wanted to get the gist of what this is all about?
7957815
Already doing so, as best I can. I've managed to put together a partial timeline as to the dates and events I need to interact with from all three of the stories I'm gleaning information from, and author permission has been asked for and obtained in most cases (Looking at you, Strayan Phoenix). Even secondary characters have had permission to be used from the authors I needed to ask. Of course, being an AU-Story, things will hardly ever turn out the same as the original stories, but that's only to be expected. You throw Stellar into the mix and she is going to make a great deal of difference, especially with the resources she can pull together. And when she does something that's fantastic, you can be sure there's an explanation for it that fits inside what we know about MLP. I always try and do my homework on things like that before I write anything.
Oh, and a BIG Thank You to: Sparky Brony, Twisted Spectrum, Goldfur, Strayan Phoenix (Still waiting for a reply, Strayan...), and Phenrys for supporting me, and the many others who have also supported me, commented and given me good criticism about my stories here, (Thanks Harts Fire and Da Fennec, you mates are great!)
Best straightforward reading I ever had !
- Lot of original & creative characters
- an approach about species change that make me re-think about humans interaction with others (humans or species)
- ... obviously many more but I can't put words on it
So, I encourage you Stellar !
PS : May the
forcestars be with you !8241220 Thank you! I shall (hopefully) be finishing the next chapter sometime this week (Knock on wood...)
it is feeling as if this story needs a little loving.
8327497
Sorry for the delay, but after I finished the next chapter... it didn't feel right. It felt sub-par, compared to the others. So I went back and started reading my source material again, looking for inspiration and making notes. This might be only my opinion, but if I don't think it sounds right, I can imagine others being even less happy with it.
So things might be a bit delayed for the moment. Hopefully, it won't be too long before things come together, and properly this time.
a vary powerful chapter that is super good.
i can't weight to see the second part.
welcome back i am hoping this means we will start having up dates more often?
8568490
Well, to give you an idea, I have two more complete chapters after the one I'm working on, and a start on three more. This one's just proved to be a fracking difficult one to get down, for some reason. But progress is being made.
i can say you have made me a vary happy pony with this chapter for one reason ( Thestral )
you have really started pulling this story together in so many ways and it work so good.
happy writing.
8587452
Thank you! Stellar's always had a special relationship with Thestrals, being Luna's apprentice in several of her lifetimes. She's been known to patrol through Canterlot's streets and alleys with several platoons of them on occasion, looking for trouble. And she sympathises with them, too; that wasn't the first time she's changed into a Thestral alicorn to have them realise she supports and regards them very highly (as Cimmerian alludes to...). She once scared the bejeebies out of Twilight by changing and scaring her awake in bed (Twilight was NOT impressed).
i am so vary impressed with this hole story and this chapter is super good.
i know the story about Daring Doo, and i know if this plain being shot down.
this is to any and all if you give the author of that story a bit of love you may encourage him to start working on it agene.
this plan is also in the story velvet nightfall / author kitsy_can ware it plays a goop size part.
and i must say agene just how much this story / chapter is just soo good.
Good chapter little surprised with orders the military had along with the agent they didn't try to seize all the ponies or impound the airship.
Not to detract from your story but this crossing into the US was way too easy.. Stellar and the other accepted as people just like that. How about passports or other papers, Daring and the others in the hands or military would easily bypass that not so much for civilians especially those claiming to be refugees. Where is your pilot are they licensed to fly in the US aircraft operating in the US requires a licensed pilot. Now we have the airship itself its not certified by the FAA to operate in the US regardless of what the transponder is saying and all the officials that came aboard would know this. Probably easiest way to handle that is have the airship listed as experimental
Well, for a start, the aircrew weren't exactly in any position to 'sieze' the airship, and had no orders to do so anyway. Their orders were to transport a small number of ponies to the US. Once their aircraft got shot down, that placed them at Stellar's mercy, especially after she saved the lot of them.
As for Wellman, he also had fairly limited orders. Plus when Stellar revealed what she knew of the whole situation to him, he quickly realised that his entire agency was working under incorrect information. Plus the revealed threat of Discord and what Stellar told Wellman about him has told the agent that He needs to have his superiors informed and the whole situation re-evaluated. The possibility of Discord actually having infiltrated their intelligence structure and manipulating things would be a nightmare scenario for any such organisation, I imagine, especially if his goals are as Stellar has stated to Wellman. He's seen how powerful Stellar is. Can you imagine Wellman contemplating what some being of near-infinite power could wreak on Earth as we know it?
Hmmm... all very good points, I must admit. I could easily say that Stellar and Lt Hod went over these while the Stellar Wind was being inspected, but I have a feeling you'd consider that too easy an option.
As it is, Stellar has already said she feels the F.A.A. might be very confused with the construction of the Stellar Wind. Passports and things are going to be dealt with in another chapter. Eventually, Stellar's hoping to get the Stellar Wind denoted as a kind-of 'travelling embassy', using her rank and position as Princess of Equestria. It will mean dealing with the U.N., but it does mean that they will be able to issue their own passports and papers... eventually.
Salient Weather has nearly fifty years experience in both flying and commanding balloons and airships, and he has experienced crew there from the Airship Service. They are scattered a little thinly through the other crew, but they are there to watch, teach and monitor the newer crew as they come up to speed. Evening Mist and his sister Morning Mist both have over twenty years of experience, and you will always find one of them on the bridge when Captain Weather isn't there. Any questioning of them by any competent person would be able to rate them as experienced.
The transponder merely says the airship is registered, and as every air vehicle is required to be registered and carry a transponder, she is up-to-code in that regard. And you're right in saying they'd probably list her down as Experimental, since the spell-tech used to make her goes against a lot of what humans consider 'Normality', anyway. One of the few things that any inspection could not disagree with the Stellar Wind is that she is non-polluting. Her presence hardly touches on anywhere she goes; she leaves no trails of smoke or such, and her engines are as clean as any you could hope to see. And as Stellar said to Hod: 'She'll stay together as long as we occupy her'.
All in all nicely done can't speak to other readers but you are keeping me engaged and thinking about the story
a vary impressive chapter i love it.
crossing in to US airspace was smother than i thought it was going to be.
i can see Redhart being over whelmed with wounded or even a miner cold out brake.
over all a super good chapter.
That one group is lucky it's not just the FBI but the ATF.
Ouch and the odds someone didn't notice at 2000ft very low.. Two major laws have been violated any sooner almost 3. The first is meh the CIA isn't to operate in the US. Secondly operating and using an armed drone in US airspace. While private drones are permitted within limits other uses are still heavily restricted.. if any US citizens had been onboard that would be 3laws nasty laws
Well, there were no explosions as such, and lots of cloud around. Some might have seen something, but exactly what could be argued.
Since when have laws meant anything to people who thought they were above them and wanted something done? As one of the observers said 'The orders came from above the Top'. The letter agencies felt they could get away with anything after the concept of 'plausible deniability' was invented. And with someone who can enthrall the media to make them say what he wants to say, all manner of things can be swept under the carpet...