Sunset Shimmer had effectively run away. She decided life simply wasn't worth the pain that her so called friends had put her through with promises of friendship only to rip her still beating heart. She figured the best thing to do was end thing quickly so she was in an alley with what little she owned and a blade she been given not long after she arrived. She wanted to cry but she just had nothing left. Nothing left to cry about. Nothing left to say. And nothing left to return to. Sunset stared at the blade for a moment.
"You look like someone who's got nothing let." said a voice. Sunset looked up to see someone sitting on the fire escape just above her.
"I don't." said Sunset.
"Then maybe that's a good thing." said the guy who sat at the fire escape. Sunset sneered. "If you have nothing left then you can start anew and make something new of yourself." Sunset looked at the guy. He then jumped off and landed in front of her. "If you have nothing left then you have no anchor here. Would you be willing to take the first step towards something greater?"
"Something greater?" asked Sunset as some light returned to her lifeless eyes. "While I'm not the purest or nicest guy there is something I can offer you."
"What?"
"You can come with me and you'll not be alone. I can become your family."
"Why should I trust you?" asked Sunset.
"Because very few know what it's like to truly be alone. That is one thing we share." said the guy. "I was a street rat a good portion of my life. No friends. No family. Forced to feed off scraps I found in the trash. But something changed. Someone saw potential in me. The very same potential I see in you."
"How do I know I can trust you?" asked Sunset, fearful of more betrayal.
"You don't. But as they say: A thousand mile journey begins with just one step. I make the offer but it is up to you to decide if you'll take the risk." he said stepping closer to her before holding his hand out. "Will you take the risk, Sunset Shimmer of Equestria?"
For a moment Sunset looked at him in shock but then decided she really had nothing to lose at this point, so she took his hand.
"What should I call you?" asked Sunset.
"Perhaps in time you can call me brother, but my name is Flame Blitz."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A few months later
A plane landed back in Canterlot City and young woman walked out and stepped out of the gate.
"I hope Nii-san's right. I didn't want to return unless it was necessary." Sunset said to herself as she went to the conveyer belt and grabbed her two suitcases. "Well at least now I've already got a place ready for me." she said as she walked outside and took a cab arriving a few minutes later she arrived at a large building and headed up to the place that had been reserved for her which she would share with the one she now calls brother once he arrives to help her. At the very least she had something to look forward to. During her time away she'd still had the journal which she used to keep in contact with Twilight. Since she'd been sent off back to Canterlot City she suggested for them to get together after her arrival. She'd told Twilight to meet her at a mall not too far from the Sweets Shoppe....and then took twenty minutes trying to explain what a mall was via magic book. She went into the bathroom to take a shower and changed into a uniform which was entirely white except for silverish lining and consisted of pants with an open jacket which was over a black tank top. After she put her things away Sunset headed towards the garage and, once she was sure no one was watching, she pulled out a lock with a rose in front, and threw it causing it to unfold and expand into a rose themed motorcycle which actually had her Cutie Mark on the sides. She spotted Twilight from a distance making use of some of the extra functions a friend added to her helmet. Once she got close she stopped in front of her and signalled her to wait before going into the parking garage and returning shortly after on foot.
"Shall we?" asked Sunset.
"Let's go." said Twilight following after her. "Hey Sunset do you know what's going on at Canterlot High?"
"Why do you ask?"
"There's seemed to be a competition of some kind."
"Must be the Friendship Games." said Sunset as they got in line as at a coffee shop in the mall.
"The what?" asked Twilight.
"There's two primary highschools in this area. Canterlot High and Crystal Prep Academy. Every few years they compete in athletics and academics." explained Sunset.
"I see." said Twilight. "So how has your training been?"
"Difficult. Much more difficult than anything Princess Celestia had me do. Probably because she never had me face my demons." said Sunset with a laugh.
"Your demons?" asked Twilight a bit confused.
"Yeah. The first thing he had me do is confront the demons of my past so I could face the future without hesitation. Or at least that's how he put it." explained Sunset. "I'll have a mocha and a cinnamon roll. How about you?"
"What's a mocha?" asked Twilight.
"It's coffee with chocolate."
"Sounds good. I'll have one too and a muffin." said Twilight. Afterwards Sunset paid and they sat at a table. "So you don't plan on talking to the others?"
"There's nothing to say, they decided to throw me away. It's clear their friendship was nothing more than an obligation to them but I am thankful for the opportunity you gave me to know friendship. I don't think I've ever properly thanked you for it. So thank you Twilight."
"It's never been necessary for you to thank me. If anything I should be apologizing for what you've been through."
"No. You did what you could. What happened with Anon-a-miss was their choices. Not yours."
"Still. I feel terrible for what you had to go through."
"Forget it about it." said Sunset noticing something.
"So what was it they gave you?" asked Twilight.
"This." replied Sunset taking something from the inside of her jacket and placing it on the table. Twilight picked it up and examined it. When she turned it she saw it had a larger rectangle that was black shifting to white from the up left hand to the lower right hand with a small pinkish violet rectangle that had four arrows pointing up, down, left, and right but the one on the left had the word changed carved into to it while the right had the word modify carved into it.
"So how does it work?" asked Twilight.
"Well these Drivers are made to be coded to whoever puts them on first. You place it on your waist and the belt forms." explained Sunset. "After I usually use this." she added pulling out pulling out a card that had what looked like a four point star along with two characters she didn't recognize on the side and the word change on two other ends of the card.
"So you've gotten use to using it?" asked Twilight.
"For the most part. My weapon has five different modes that I've gotten used to but haven't exactly mastered. In Sword and Gun modes I'm good. In Bow I've improved. With the Bo I'm still having some trouble because I'm not used to fight with something that long. In the Scythe mode is still tricky for me because with it's hard to control my swings with the added weight on one end." explained Sunset as someone came with their drinks and snacks. Twilight became surprised when she saw Sunset just take the cover off her cup and drink some of it like nothing. "What's wrong?"
"Wasn't that hot?" asked Twilight.
"Oh. Not really. I'm not gonna go into a lot of detail because there's a lot of this that Equestrian science has yet to find by most of my physiology is entirely different." expained Sunset. "Big brother once said that in all likely if I did go back I probably wouldn't change back into a pony."
"Wow. I'm not sure how to feel about that." said Twilight.
"Twilight there was another reason I wanted to meet with you." said Sunset causing Twilight to look at her. "The truth is I'm gonna have to seal the portal to Equestria. There's a threat I was sent here to fight."
"By yourself?" asked Twilight.
"For now. I was supposed arrive with my team but everyone was called away on different missions. They'll be sent once they finish their missions."
"So this organization is a military organization?" asked Twilight.
"Not really." replied Sunset. "There's less than fifty of us operatives. Everyone else is backup helping us solve things or making things for us. In any case after you return I'm gonna have to seal the portal to make sure none of the enemies to come make their way there."
"How are you gonna seal it?" asked Twilight.
"It turns out magic is easy to use here if you know what it is you're manipulating." explained Sunset.
"What do you mean?" asked Twilight.
"Magic's easier to manipulate in Equestria because there plenty of everywhere. Even in the air. Here it's much more difficult because you have to draw it from various dimensions parallel to this one which is by itself difficult. Even for unicorns in human bodies." explained Sunset.
"Wow. Your brother taught you that as well?" asked Twilight.
"Bingo." said Sunset with a smile. "To be honest he taught me things about magic I don't think has ever been put in an Equestrian Book."
"Then maybe I should." said Twilight.
"It wouldn't do you any good." said Sunset. "He once told me this: Magic is guided by you, not by numbers and formulas." Twilight was about to respond but they heard strange ringing. Sunset immediately pulled out her phone.
"Sunset there's something headed for your old school."
"You've got to be kidding me." said Sunset. "Alright. I'm on my way."
"Alright. Call if you need anything."
"I know." said Sunset before hanging up. "Twilight, I hate to cut this short but..."
"I heard." said Twilight. "I'll head back immediately after we get there but please be careful."
"Don't worry. I may not have had a chance to finish my training but I learned enough to know how to survive." said Sunset. "Now let's go." The two got outside after quickly scarfing down their snacks and only partially finishing their mochas.
Once they got outside Sunset led Twilight into the parking lot.
"Here's something you're gonna find interesting." said Sunset. Twilight looked at her as Sunset pulled out her Rose Lock. Twilight looked at her confused as she opened the lock and threw it causing it to expand shocking the Princess. "Twilight as much as I hate to say this as soon as we get there you're gonna leave as soon as we get there so I can seal the portal. Otherwise we'll run the risk of some of them getting through."
"I understand. Let's just get going." said Twilight. Sunset nodded and got on before signaling Twilight to get on. Once they were on they left with Sunset taking top speed immediately. What really surprised Twilight was that no one seemed to noticed them. At least until a speedometer was projected and then they started spinning. Soon they were surrounded by rose petals before a rift open in front of them and they went through it.
Seconds later another rift open near Canterlot High that they exited from. Sunset maintained her speed arriving at Canterlot High, or more specifically she went rode through several strange creatures that seemed to be made of black goo with bones sticking out of random parts of their bodies dragging themselves before making a sudden stop with a turn causing Twilight to be thrown into the portal surprising all of the frightened students from both Canterlot High and Crystal Prep. After she stopped Sunset got off and held up her hands causing strange symbols began flying out from under her sleeves and forming a circle on the portal turning it violet.
"What have you done?!" yelled out a distorted voice. Sunset turned to look at a creature that almost seemed like someone had crossed a cheetah with a porcupine.
"Ew." said Sunset. "I don't know what you're supposed to be but this is where your time ends." she said pulling out her Driver. Most of the students from Canterlot High looked at Sunset in shock along with the principals. Sunset placed her Driver at her waist causing a belt to extend, which had an open slot with a button on the side, and connect securing it around her. Then she pressed the arrow that said Change.
"Standing By." said a voice as Sunset pulled out the card she'd shown Twilight.
"Henshin!" she called out inserting the card into the left side of the buckle causing a white four point star to appear in the pink square in the center.
"Henshin Loading: Seikō!" said a voice as the star flew out causing a white body suit to materialize on her with matching boots, gauntlets, and a helmet with a silver mouth guard and what looked like dark red eyes that almost resembled dual blood red suns. After the four point star took the form of a chest plate that retained the star while outlines formed at her shoulders, forearms, waist, and legs which materialized and then attached to her suit.
Everyone looked at her in shock.
"You're a Kamen Rider." said the monster.
"Kamen Rider Seikō." said Sunset.
"Kamen Rider?" said both Sugarcoat and Vinyl, neither being heard by those near them.
"I will pass judgement upon you." said Seikō as pressed the down arrow on her buckle.
"Download Weapon." said the voice from before as a weapon with a bulky guard and a wide blade coming out of it with a handle that had a trigger seemed to digitize into her hand.
"Let's get started." said Seikō. She walked towards the a few of the goo creatures. She pulled the trigger and then slashed them causing the blade to momentarily glow as she slash causing them creatures to evaporate. After she pulled the trigger ten times causing the blade to stay lit allowing her to run and slash most of them causing almost all of them to evaporate. The cheetapine became angry and sped towards Seikō causing sparks to emerge from her armor after every strike throwing her back.
"You can't beat my speed." said the cheetapine.
"Maybe not but I've got something better." said Seikō pulling out what looked like a lilac cartridge that had a black button.
"Cure Sword!" said the voice from before Sunset pressed the Modify button.
"Pretty Cure, Love Link!" she called out inserting the cartridge into the slot on the opposite side from where she'd inserted her transformation card. At that the star in the middle changed to a lilac spade as the white armor which had attached seperately shattered as new outlines lilac formed new armor which attached to her most of which either had spades/swords or, like the shoulder guards, were spades with the spade that had come out of her belt forming a chest plate.
"Cure Sword! Yuki no Yaiba!" said the voice.
"You think that'll stop me?" asked the cheetapine before speed up again. This time Seikō Sword punched the ground causing a gust of wind. A second later a crater formed from the strike causing the cheetapine lose its footing since the ground it had been on was gone so when it got near Seikō slashed it rapidly causing its body to release sparks until she roundhouse kicked it throwing it back. The cheetapine struggled to stand as Seikō pulled out the Cure Sword cartridge.
"Now I'll show you the power of the Pretty Cure Modules." she said putting it in the slot on her side causing a sound like it was charging. Then she hit the button causing her entire body to glow lilac.
"Saishū-waza! Hissatsu!" said the voice as she jumped then she side kick with her left leg sending a wave of energy that took the form of the blade of a sword which the cheetapine tried to black by crossing its arms. Then she extended her right in a kick and bent her left as she moved forward.
"Hirameke! Holy Sword!" she yelled out as she merged with the light and then reappeared behind it causing a lilac line in vertically form on him before it exploded. Afterwards Seikō turned to look back at the place where the cheetapine had been before sighing causing the armor to dematerialize as a light began shining down causing the damage to be undone. Sunset started walking away but Rainbow noticed and ran to her. She was about to plce her hand on Sunset's shoulder but was caught off guard when she turned and slapped her hand. "There's nothing to be said and I don't intend to listen to any more of your lies."
"You don't understand." said Rainbow.
"I understand perfectly well. Don't ever talk to me again because even now I have half a mind to hurt you." Rainbow was about to reach out but there was a sudden cloud of smoke that appeared. Rainbow reached out but found Sunset was gone.
"Sunset."
Vinyl looked at the scene. 'Guess she's still hurting.' she though to herself.
Sugarcoat looked feeling a bit confused about that girl and how she seemed to radiate more hostility after the fight than during. She turned to look at Twilight who seemed to be recovering from the fright so she went up to her.
"You alright?"
"Yes. Just a little shaken." said Twilight with a smile.
"You're gonna ask to transfer, aren't you?" asked Sugarcoat surprising Twilight.
"W-well..."
"I'm coming with you." said Sugarcoat surprising Twilight.
"W-What?"
"It's clear you wanna go to this school because the students support one another instead of just constantly competing. It'd be nice to attend a school where most of my memories aren't of whether I was the best or not. Plus I'm curious about what that girl's story is." explained Sugarcoat.
"You really plan on transfering?" asked Sunny Flare going up to them. Sugarcoat nodded. "Then I'm going too."
"You're not leaving me behind." said Sour Sweet.
"Same here." said Indigo Zap.
"Sounds fun. I'm in too." said Lemon Zest. Twilight was shocked.
"Then if we're agreed let's go talk to Dean Cadance." said Sugarcoat.
like five minutes later
"All six of you?" asked Dean Cadance surprised. The six nodded.
"Is there a particular reason?"
"Being here we realized something." said Sunny. "Crystal Prep's a great school but there's no room for any enjoyment. As soon as we get to school we have to be worried about trying to be the best. Here it's obvious that they worry to about their grades but don't have to view not being at the top as failure."
"Plus this place seems to always have something interesting going on." added Lemon Zest.
"Alright. I'll go talk to Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna." said Cadance.
'I'd say things are gonna get very interesting.' Sugarcoat thought to herself.
Well...i find this story intresting and love to see what happen afer Sunset left, I take it the real culprits revealed themsevles too late.
I don't see Sunset forgiving her exfriends or the little sisters and hope she points out they forgave thier little sisters so easily if it like it was inthe comic.
but turned thier backs on Sunset so easily and broke her heart, even as she wept puddles of tears.
but i do hope she befriends Sci Twi and the shadow bolts.
7732563 Thanks. What did you think of Sunset's change?
Ok, this should be very interesting will be keeping a very watchful careful eye on this work of art.
7732607
I like it, she still Susnet but very different, looks like she found herself, and found a new family.
Her warning Rainbow, shows she doesn't want to hurt them still but at the the same time.
She showing she doesn't want to give them a second chance, and how thin the ice is between them.
Wonder how Sci Twi and the Shadow Bolts will react when they find out, also look forward to see what happen to the CMC.
Suspended for a month or two, least they get torn apart by the students.
I have but one request for the CMC:
HIT THEM, BREAK THEM, THROW THEM IN THE POOL. I WANNA SEE SOME RED, HOT BLOOD! That's all. Thanks for your time!
7732641 Thanks for the compliment
7732817 You're mostly right but there's one thing you're off on. Sunset does want to hurt them. That's why she warned Rainbow. The only reason she chose not to break Rainbow in that moment was because she felt it wasn't worth the effort
7733586 um....*sweatdrops* I'll see what I can do but as you can imagine there won't be much of the Crusaders on account of the story focusing on Sunset's current mission and the allies she gains and those who stop by as well as those who will later appear.
Interesting concept, but is this going to be another massive mash up like An Avenger Returns? The set up is good, the writing is ok (pacing is a bit off and the fight scene was a bit of a mess, but no glaring errors either), and I haven't seen this concept done before, but so much of An Avenger Returns was either jamming in a million references (a lot of which were very awkward as the universes didn't really feel compatible and a lot of characters didn't feel like they should be there), trying to catch up on Twilight's powers, and throwing around pieces of her past without really telling a story. It became a chore to keep track of everything, and a very good chunk of the references felt like they were just there for the sake of it, meaning a large part of the story felt like cut away gags instead of part of the story. I'm really curious where this will go, especially with the Shadowbolts, and how Sunset and Twilight will interact with everyone.
7734453 Thanks.
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On the CMC I do hope their fate is explained a little or will there be side stories to handle stuff like that?
7734581 There will be an explaination as well as them seeing what thier actions did to Sunset. Slight spoiler at one point there will be a fight where Sunset...let's out some of her anger.
7734631 Oh Dear..... Well they have it coming.
Look forward to the updates.
7734825 And just to be a dick I'm making the Crusaders watch
7734581 I just hope it isn't another slap on the wrist or just detention...I;m hoping for something big.
7735176
there this one where theyw ere given over two months supsenation or more, can't remember.
But ti was enough they have to repeat the year...Yeesh!
that not going to be fun but then again with what happened...
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/267987/h2o-just-add-friendship
I admit, I'm hoping that the rest of the school has to deal with what they have done to Sunset. Cause let's face facts here, shall we? Rainbow was only like that because the truth about Anon-A-Miss was out (either by the CMC confessing or getting busted). If that wasn't the case, Canterlot High would have been ordering Sunset to leave, with Rainbow at the front of that angry crowd. All the while, Crystal Prep just watching, possibly appalled by how they were treating her.
7735206 I've read that, it was good, shame its not updating.
An Anon-a-Miss fic with Kamen Rider thrown into the mix.. Let's see how this is goes
anymore
7735678 Had that happened Sunset wouldn't have been passive about. Sunset warning Rainbow was her trying to keep herself from killing.
7737468 Thanks for giving me a chance.
7738983 What?
7739542 anymore chapters coming?
whats going to happen next
7739546 Oh yeah. I'm part ways into the next one.
7739548 It'll be interesting. Here's a little clue. There's a reason chapter 1 ended the way it did
7739555 cool
7739542
Oh I see. Rainbow should be grateful the CMC were exposed. And to be honest, I kinda hope she never forgives them. They simply go along with the simplest solution, even if it meant abandoning someone, never really trusted her, and care more about their prides then friendship.
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Not the best story I've ever seen, obviously. Its decent enough, not bad grammar. However, a lot of this is mildly confusing and a tad convoluted. Is there any specific reason that Sunlight has a Driver, why are there other Kamen Riders here? In fact why do they exist in EQG? Its a good enough read, but I'm not all that enthralled.
1 word. PACING!
8175353 to be fair...I would enjoy seeing a story of just twilight and the crystal prep group transferring....it would be interesting plus I wonderful those six would change Legend of the Everfree.
Kinda wonder how things would change if their counterparts showed up in ponyville in Equestria actually o.o that needs to happen.Starlight needs her own mane 6.
Then again...Trixie,Maud...she seems to be building a mane six lately.
Hmm...maybe the 5 crystal prep girls are more of the rest of Sunsets mane six? Since twilight finishes the original set for the 2nd time.
I know it's very hard to pull off using a time skip, but it really hurts when you use it to advance relationships between characters. The only time I've seen it work is when the focus is on the reaction to that change from the readers point of view using a characters point of view.
I suck at wording so to make this constructive let me show my work.
The main problem here is Sunset going from not knowing Flame Blitz to calling him Nii-san without any reader build up, groundwork, or catch up. (And I know it's a crossover fic with an anime but even liking anime myself I find taking Japanese terminology and having normally non-Japanese characters adopting it to be cringe inducing but that's a whole different complaint)
As the writer you're expecting a reader to accept an emotional pay off we have no context or build up to. In stories I've seen do this successfully, without laying the groundwork, usually there's a character there at the start of the reveal that takes the audience's position to bring them up to speed. The interaction between what they were and what they are is the entire point of the first story act in these "went away for a long time skip" stories.
Twilight is perfectly placed to be that catch up but she not only accepts Sunset and Flame Blitz's new brother sister relationship (because she was kept informed which disconnects her from the audience as well) but she herself calls him Sunset's brother too. Leaving your first reintroduction scene without a character to reintroduce Sunset to the reader.
Okay I've stated the problem I saw, which I'm always bad at wording. I've given the exact context in-story where I found the problem which I'm a little better at, now to drive home the criticism for clarity's sake I'll give what I'm apparently best at speaking in metaphors.
So say you had two friends. Friend A moved away and has changed a lot (Sunset). Friend B didn't move or change but lives out of reach (Twilight). You all used to be friends and knew each other so you meet up at a diner to catch up (reintroduction scene) The entire time there though Friend A and B talk to each other like they never stopped talking to each other and you can't talk (reader) to ask them what they're talking about or how Friend A changed because Friend B already knows so they're aren't going to ask and you yourself can't ask. You're left confused and left out. Which isn't the best place to leave the reader.
Hopefully that was clear enough. I don't expect you to change anything it's past the point where that would be feasible, this is just for future reference and consideration.
So confused but interested
You know, with places like Manehattan and Las Pegasus; and by gambling bet: Canterlot, you think Twilight should've had known what a mall is by now.
8930930 that might have been my mistake although to be entirely honest I'm not sure if I've ever seen themm go into what could actually be considered a Mall. I have seen him go to market places and different locations but I may not have been paying enough attention. If they did then my mistake
8930930
Actually dude, they don't really travel to those places that much, and I'm not sure they even have malls in Equestria. R.I.P Brachy:
9044691 Oh. Well there we go. Thanks.
You really struggled with your writing mechanics. Commas seemed to be your biggest struggle along with your dialogue punctuation. Here's a handy guide from a handy guy on how to do dialogue punctuation correctly:
You also struggled with pacing. You dumped a lot of events into this chapter, and everything moved so quickly. It was hard to take any one event in.