Chapter 26
While Canterlot High’s Thursday seemed to be rife with discord; Crystal Prep was dealing with yet another exam. The intense silence that permeated the classrooms and even the gymnasium had been broken only by strained coughing, the occasional dropped pencil, and finally the departure of each student who finished their exam to the best of their abilities; turned it in and left.
Sugarcoat, being naturally gifted, was the first down to the naturist lounge. She’d had the room redecorated slightly since the first few days. The much larger desk had been removed in favor of a smaller one for private studies. A circular table had been brought in and placed in the centre of the room with six beanbag chairs had been placed around the table.
One or two other chairs filled up the space, on the off chance that a guest from Canterlot High might wish to join them. A small stack of buildable cubby holes had been put in the far corner to store baskets for holding clothes, and a mat on the floor for shoes.
Satisfied with these changes, despite Lemon leaving the cat poster on the wall for whatever reason, Sugarcoat sat at the table in the nude and de-stressed from the morning exam. A second exam was rapidly approaching, after lunch it would be another gruelling session.
Sunny Flare appeared wiped out. A few stray tears escaped her eyes and she furiously rubbed them away.
Sour Sweet was literally trembling with apprehension.
Sugarcoat, in her own blunt way, was quite concerned for her fellow students. Sunny and Sour had always had difficulty managing exam time stress. They also happened to be the only ones fully clothed. Not that removing their clothing would do much for them, but statistically it had been known to help to take your mind off of things with something less anxious.
Lemon bobbed her head to the beat on her headphones and lay sprawled in her beanbag chair. Her legs were spread wide and she didn’t seem to mind showing off. It wasn’t distracting though, just unhelpful. Sour would occasionally glare at her and grit her teeth as if she wanted to curse.
Indigo continued to experiment with toplessness. It was rather intriguing, she removed all articles of clothing except her skirt and panties. Sugarcoat couldn’t fathom why she was so reluctant to experience the full naturist package, but she felt that the slowly building confidence would cause the other girl to open up eventually.
It was time to get Sour and Sunny to let go of their inhibitions entirely. Sugarcoat was well aware that forcing someone into this lifestyle choice wasn’t the best, but numbers did not lie. She knew her friends; she had been with them a very long time. They were all compatible with naturism in some way, no matter how insignificant. And she was tired of Sour glaring at her too when she shifted her legs.
Turning to the pair of holdouts she removed her glasses and briefly cleaned the lenses. “You are both suffering from stress. I have agreed to leave you to your own devices, however I would strongly suggest you remove your clothes and sprawl out over these beanbag chairs. Lemon and I could then massage your back and shoulders and help wipe away the anxiety before this afternoon’s test.”
Sunny shot Sugarcoat a look of disapproval.
Sour exploded at last, it was fortunate she had also had the good sense to verify Twilight’s soundproofing of the room. “I am fucking on the edge of stabbing somebody, or possibly just kicking them in the crotch if they don’t stop spreading in front of me!” Sour glared at the oblivious Lemon once again. “And you order me to strip to get a sexy naked massage!”
Sugarcoat shook her head. “One, there is nothing sensual about removing unhealthy stress. Two, I do not find you attractive in that way. Three, Lemon shaves and is listening to her music to remove the stress she is suffering from. Her leg twitches are a clear sign that she is slowly detoxifying from the harshness of this morning’s exam.
“Four, if you are going to constantly equate nudity with sex you are never going to get a boyfriend due to deep seated anger issues over our lifestyle choice. Five, I was attempting to help you out and spread the magic of Friendship. You always have the option to decline, next time however I would suggest less anger and more ‘no thank you’.”
Sour crossed her arms over her chest and just glared at no one in particular.
Sunny however got to her feet and quickly gave Sour a hug. “Please, try to understand, Sour.” Much to everyone’s surprise she actually started removing her clothes.
Sour stared in disbelief.
Sugarcoat remained aloof, though secretly she was grinning triumphantly. Her calculations and knowledge of her friend had not lied to her.
Indigo rolled her eyes. “Sugarcoat, I can see the smugness in your eyes.”
Sugarcoat sobered immediately. “My apologies.”
Sour glared accusingly at her. “You knew we’d cave?” she demanded.
Sugarcoat’s brow rose in mild annoyance. “You are neither removing your clothes nor ‘caving’, and all I knew for sure was that eventually you would both stop projecting hatred and malice towards us… Or in the case of Sunny Flare apathy and her typical laissez faire attitude. Statistically speaking naturism is a group activity, close bonds of friendship more often than not lead to new adaptors. At least where Canterlot is concerned. And we are still young enough to experiment with it for a time and choose to forego it later in life should we lose favor with it.”
Sour rolled her eyes. “Sugarcoat, are you sure you don’t just need all of us to be into nudity to satisfy your own ego?”
Sunny positioned two of the beanbag chairs together and laid out over them. “Sour, we agreed long ago that Sugarcoat’s controlling attitude wasn’t an issue.”
Sugarcoat climbed to her feet and walked over to her friend. Leaning forward she placed her hands on the other girl’s shoulders and frowned. “You are extremely tense. Also, do I really have a controlling attitude?”
Indigo smirked. “You always need to be right about everything, Sug. Your report on this naturism thing proves something about Canterlot, so it should also prove something about us. You never stopped to even consider Sour and Sunny might just not be interested in it.”
Sugarcoat shook her head and kneaded Sunny’s flesh to work out the tension. “I always consider how you will take something. I just know you all so well I expect you to follow certain patterns. I admit that not immediately embracing naturism upset my preconceived notions. However, I remain firmly entrenched in the idea that we would all benefit from this idea.”
Sour curled her lip.
Indigo shook her head and interrupted her before she could go off on another tirade again. “Out of Twilight’s circle of friends how many of them have embraced it?”
Sugarcoat paused in her machinations.
Sunny let out a soft moan of contentment as her muscles started to relax.
Sugarcoat resumed the task at hand and shook her head. “Applejack and Rarity seem to be the least inclined to participate, for reasons I could not begin to explain as two of their sisters are founding members of the club.”
Indigo nodded. “Exactly. Would you say they are holdouts to their group?”
Sugarcoat sighed. “I don’t have enough empirical data to answer that.”
Indigo chuckled and put her textbook down. “Sug, you can be a bit too dense sometimes. They aren’t holdouts. Rarity is a fashion designer, while she supports her sister openly I hardly think she would ever adopt a clothes-less lifestyle. She’s far too interested in the complete opposite of naturism, she gets off to fashion… and I should have phrased that better.” Indigo smiled sheepishly and rubbed her neck.
“And what about Applejack?” Sugarcoat wondered.
Sunny moaned some more and arched her back slightly. “God, Sug, I’m so glad you took those masseuse lessons.”
Sour decided to speak up this time. “Applejack is a down home country girl, she lives and breathes on the farm. And while she may support her sister, there’s a lot more ingrained into her world view to get over before she could ever hope to support her by openly embracing the lifestyle. But damn what I wouldn’t give to visit the farm and find her brother working the fields in the buff,” she finished as her eyes glazed over and her mind drifted to a happier place.
Aside from Lemon all of the others got faraway looks on their faces.
Sugarcoat sighed wistfully. “A very fine specimen of the male form. Unfortunately considering his skin tone I find myself unable to fantasize… the similar colour reminds me too much of Scarlet Scribe.”
Sour cursed. “Why’d you have to go and say that?” she demanded.
Indigo shuddered slightly. “Oh come on!”
Sunny flinched briefly under Sugarcoat’s expert touch and she turned her head to shoot a glare at her. “You do realize we’ve all seen your cousin naked by this point. Are you trying to ruin the mood?”
Sugarcoat’s shoulders drooped. “I apologize. I’m afraid that I let my honest nature get the best of me.”
Sour irritably climbed to her feet. “FUCK! Now I’m getting aroused by memories of somebody else’s boyfriend. Thanks a lot, Sugarcoat for your oh so wondrous comparison!” Storming out of the room in a huff she left the others behind.
“Should one of us go after her to make sure she doesn’t antagonize Cinch?” Indigo questioned the group.
Sunny shook her head. “For once I feel it best to let her alleviate the tensions herself. I suspect she’s going to find an empty bathroom and deal with her stress in the only helpful way she knows how at this point.”
Indigo sat up straight with an uncomfortable look on her face. “Are you telling me that Sour is heading off to finger herself because of Scribe?”
Lemon frowned and popped her headphones off. “Can we not talk about my boyfriend like that,” she requested.
“Blame Sugarcoat!” Indigo snapped.
Lemon turned to Scribe’s cousin. “We haven’t done anything yet physically, and I’d prefer to know that when I do pursue him that way I don’t have to worry about antagonizing Sour Sweet.”
Sugarcoat’s face remained expressionless, but her eyes shone with unintended pain and guilt. “I’m sorry, I was just being honest.”
Lemon smiled and gently reached over to squeeze her friend’s shoulder. “I know. I get it. But I think I’m going to go have a little chat with Sour before she confuses herself further with sexuality and my boyfriend.” Heading over to the cubby holes she collected her belongings and quickly got dressed.
Sugarcoat watched her leave silently.
Indigo was surprised to see her break down after Lemon was gone.
Sunny turned over and silently embraced her friend. “There, there. It’s not so bad, Sugarcoat.”
“Why am I always so fucking blunt?”
Indigo fidgeted briefly, she hated to see any of her friends upset. In fifth grade when Jet Set and Upper Crust teased Sugarcoat for her blunt honesty she’d beat them both up and got a black eye and a week’s detention for her troubles because of it. Sugarcoat had gotten a lot better since her younger days, but she was still the same highly intelligent young woman.
Indigo wanted to get her to stop beating herself up. And with only two others in the room maybe there was a way to deflect everything. Ok sure it wasn’t the best idea, but she felt a little guilty about pushing things herself. So, with a heavy sigh, she got up and walked over to her two embracing friends.
Coughing slightly to clear away the last bit of reluctance she placed her hand on Sugarcoat’s shoulder. “If it makes you feel any better all of us has something we don’t like about ourselves, or in my case really fucking can’t stand not knowing how anyone would react if they knew about it.”
Sunny blinked in surprise. “What are you saying?”
Indigo chuckled nervously, her cheeks flushed slightly. “I’m saying I think I’m ready to explain why I was so nervous and upset about this naturism thing. It took most of the week, and I was alone in my room with my thoughts staring into the mirror for three hours last night trying to figure shit out.”
Sugarcoat wiped away some of her tears and stared at her friend confused. “Why now? Didn’t you say you wanted to explain to all of us when you were ready? Indigo, please don’t tell me now. I would feel extremely guilty if I was the cause for you accelerating your personal timetable. I already believe you haven’t had nearly enough time to…”
Indigo frustratedly put a finger to Sugarcoat’s lips to get her to stop. “I’ve been thinking about this moment off and on since we were kids. I’ve agonized over it for years, this latest bit with the naturism thing just kind of forced me to see it in a new light.” Smiling, she gently began to tug at her skirt. “Besides, I wasn’t just going to tell you girls. I’m going to show you.”
Sunny frowned. “You’re what?”
Sugarcoat nodded. “I have to agree with thatstatement. How can your emotional insecurities be tied to anything physical?”
Laughing at the question Indigo simply let her skirt fall to the floor.
Sunny and Sugarcoat both stared in utter bewilderment and surprise. They could both see that something was considerably different about their friend, but their brains were rejecting this reality as being against what they believed of their friend’s identity.
The panties came off next and Indigo stood proud and unashamed before her friends. Well maybe still a little nervous, Sunny was gaping at her like some fish out of water and Sugarcoat had removed her glasses to take a much closer look. Hesitantly she reached out as if to probe the object in front of her, as though physically touching it would prove one way or the other that it existed.
“Impossible,” Sugarcoat stated firmly.
Indigo frowned. “What do you mean?”
Sugarcoat stood up and poked the rather small, though no less proven to be fully proper mammary glands on Indigo’s chest. “You possess all of the traits of a female here, your hips are more slender, your chest clearly indicative of the potential to bear young, and your face is distinctively feminine in shape and features.”
Sugarcoat brought her finger down and stabbed at the offending object of unreality before them both. “Therefore it is impossible for you to possess a fully functional member. I would expect to see some kind of larger than normal clitoris, shaped perhaps congruently into the form of a male member. This however appears to be a fully functional, and equipped male member. Which is firmly impossible and rooted in the realm of fantasy, more often depicted in Neighponese Anime of questionable moral standing.”
Indigo’s eyes went cross-eyed at that statement as she tried to figure out what Sugarcoat was getting at. It took her a few moments, but she realized what the problem was and started laughing. “I…should have… known… you’d be smart enough to…read up on Intersex people!” she managed to say while her shoulders shook with her hysterics.
Sunny stood bolt upright suddenly and her eyes dilated as her desire to return to reality overrode her higher thinking. “I’m not seeing this. I can’t be seeing this. There is an honest to goddess… Oh I can’t say it, I can’t use that term, and it was created by people with weird proclivities! It does not exist, it cannot exist!”
Indigo sighed as her mirth started to dissipate. “Girls, it can exist. And it does exist. My family doc says I’m lucky, like one in a million kind of lucky. I can experience the life from both sides of the fence, got a womb and everything… Problem is my only hope is a very big crap shoot if I ever want to bear any young. In the meantime…what you see is what I am. Born and raised.”
“But there’s no! I mean… I don’t see any… It’s like…” Sunny couldn’t get the words out. She stared and stared and just could not say what she wanted to say.
Frustrated again Indigo slapped the side of her thigh with a growl. “I know! Don’t you think I get that! No sack, nothing hanging below the damn thing, but it still gets hard. It still throbs and secretes liquid like you’d expect it to. I can’t explain how or why, I barely understand the difference between myself and other Intersex born children. There’s an entire medical paper written up about me, though my real name isn’t used at all. Can we stop with the denial phase of this thing and get on with the ‘I’m sorry I upset you Sugarcoat’ apology thing?”
Sugarcoat shook her head and blinked back her stupor. She glanced up from where she was staring and offered a hesitant smile. Then she collapsed into a seating position on the nearest beanbag chair to avoid injuring herself should she lose consciousness.
Sunny’s face paled slightly and she also sat down.
Indigo blew a bang out of her eye and nervously sat back down herself.
Silence reigned in the room as three naked girls attempted to rediscover a topic of conversation that would not immediately result in shouting and hurt feelings. Sunny was grateful that at least her tension was gone now. It was replaced with sheer confusion and some curiosity, but it was gone now.
Indigo’s heart raced a mile a minute. She’d done it, she’d revealed her deepest darkest secret to two of her friends and they weren’t outright rejecting her. This was something, she wasn’t entirely sure what, but it was something.
Sugarcoat took several calming breaths to reign in her extremely inappropriate deluge of questions and took a closer look at Indigo’s fully revealed form. The shaft seemed of a decent length, nothing too cumbersome. It would explain how she could hide it so well in her undergarments and skirts. And with a bit of careful examination she spotted a perfectly normal slit situated beneath it, so her initial findings had been slightly erroneous.
Blinking she realized she may have been staring too long. So she quickly returned her gaze to Indigo’s face and eyes and she offered a brief smile. “This is… wholly unexpected. I applaud your bravery to take this step and tell us about it, but I have so many questions.”
Indigo smirked. “I had a feeling you would.”
Sunny smoothed her hands over her lap. Her cheeks were slightly flushed and she wasn’t sure where to look, but eventually she managed to look Indigo in the eyes again. “I’m beginning to understand how we all were drawn to one another to begin with. Our friendship has grown over the years into this rather odd state, but we all seem to have some strange secrets or personality quirks that keep others from befriending us.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Indigo muttered. “But yeah, we all have some kind of ‘thing’. Blunt honesty,” she pointed at Sugarcoat, “Bossy control freak,” she aimed at Sunny, “Living proof that Dickgirls exist,” she pointed at herself with a bemused smile on her face.
Sugarcoat sighed. “The correct term is Futanari. Considering you do not have a scrotum you do not exactly match the preferred depiction of such an artist’s wet dream. You appear more to be a girl with a fully functional strap on permanently attached.”
Indigo crossed her legs and winced. “Ummm, can we maybe not call it that?”
Sugarcoat blushed. “Apologies, there’s that blunt honesty again.”
Indigo smirked and leaned back to better situate herself. “Well, I’ve got a load off my chest. And I got you two to stop feeling so depressed because of the Sour situation. I’d say my work is done.”
Sunny started to giggle. “All of those times you refused to go swimming with us suddenly make soooooo much sense.”
Indigo pouted. “Totally hated that. I love swimming; it’s one of the best sports out there. But because I’m a girl if I’m swimming in a pair of hip shorts or some shit like that everybody looks at me like I’m a freak.”
Sugarcoat nodded along with her. “Well, Scribe’s place is isolated and does have a pool. I’ve been debating a little experiment in skinny dipping for a day or so now, but wanted to make sure most of us were at least comfortable with the notion.”
Indigo flinched. “Yeah, maybe not until I’m ready to let him know. I mean, he’s a guy… I’ve never…” she trailed off and glanced down.
Sugarcoat patted her knee. “That’s alright, we’ll give you plenty of time for that.”
At this point the door flew open and Sour stormed back in with Lemon on her heels. “Ok! I’m not angry any more at you, Sugarcoat, in fact I feel wayyyyyy mellower ever since Lemon talked to me and…”
Lemon was quick to close and lock the door to make sure nobody could hear what was about to happen inside.
Sour did not, however, react as everybody thought. The girl’s eyes were wide, veins in the side of her neck became visible as her jaw clenched shut tight and something sounded painfully like a cracking tooth. And then she collapsed like a marionette whose strings had been cut and started to tremble and shake alarmingly.
Sunny rushed forward fearing she might be experiencing a seizure.
Sour’s mouth opened however and mad cackling escaped.
Lemon, Sugarcoat, Indigo and Sunny Flare stared at her as if she’d just lost her mind.
“What the actual fuck?” Sunny smacked her friend with a light punch.
“Not cool!” Indigo growled frustratedly. Self-consciously she crossed her legs to try and hide her shame.
Sour struggled over to a beanbag chair and managed to climb up off the floor. “Not laughing at you…” she trailed off to take a deep breath and try to center herself. “I won the bet.”
Four sets of eyes stared at her in utter bewilderment.
“What bet?” Lemon asked.
Sour started giggling again. “The bet. The one we made first week of attending school here. Remember?”
Everyone shook their heads.
“I don’t recall making any bets that day.” Sugarcoat folded her arms over her chest and grew contemplative.
“That week was like the biggest upset ever!” Lemon reminded. “We were just finding out how Crystal Prep operated. It was totally insane.”
“Exactly!” Sour blurted with another fit of giggles. “We bet that after so many years we’d be just as insane as the rest of the students here. And clearly I won, because look at us! Look at Indigo… I don’t even know the entire story, but she’s stripped down like everybody else and ok with being a naturist now. So ipso facto I won the bet, because clearly we’re all nuts.”
“You mean you weren’t surprised by the sudden dickgirl revelation?” Sunny blurted.
“Futa,” Sugarcoat corrected.
“I refuse to use that label!” Indigo snapped.
Sour flinched. “Ummm, well. I kind of didn’t think I had any place to comment on that. I mean, it would be slightly hypocritical of me considering my condition.”
“Bipolar makes you relatable to Indigo?” Sugarcoat asked in a deadpan tone.
Sour shrugged. “We’re both going to have one hell of a fucking time getting laid, why bring unnecessary attention to it?”
Everyone stared at Sour in surprise.
“That is surprisingly mature of you, Sour Sweet.” Indigo smiled warmly at her friend.
“No, don’t!” Sour tried to back up, but forgot where they were at that moment.
Indigo grabbed her friend and pulled her into a very tight embrace.
Sour sighed. “I could have gone my entire life without feeling you pressing into me, Indigo Zap.”
Indigo chuckled and pulled back. “Oh come on, I’m not even at full mast.”
Lemon looked down. “Yeah, that’s pretty accurate. So…. This thing actually can get hard?”
Indigo waved her hand dismissively. “It’s in all the medical journals. I’m not as rapid-fire trigger happy as an actual guy. Hormones are different. But I can get aroused down there pretty consistently when I’m… I mean… forget I brought that last part up,” she pleaded with an embarrassed flush in her cheeks.
Lemon nodded. “Totally forgotten.”
Sunny suddenly stomped her foot. “Sour Sweet! I remember that bet, now! It wasn’t about us going crazy, it was about us driving the faculty crazy!”
Sour sighed. “Drat, thought I could score some weekend cash for having to put up with the full frontal nudie show from everybody. I am still NOT GETTING NAKED!” she told her friends firmly.
“Fair enough.” Sugarcoat indicated the beanbags. “Need a massage before the exam?”
Sour flinched, but rapidly slumped face down onto the large chairs. “Go to it magic fingers. And we seriously need a teapot in here so we can brew some of that hippy’s special blends. I so could use a cup right about now.”
Sunny grew thoughtful and glanced around. “There are an awful lot of outlets in here. I wonder what Twilight needed them all for?”
Lemon shrugged and picked up her headphones again. “I try not to think about it.”
“Why?” Indigo wondered as she fetched a towel so she could sit more comfortably on her beanbag chair. She also took the time to fold up her skirt and panties and stick them into the cubby with her top. She’d worried herself sick for years about how they’d react, especially when her hormones started up. And it had all been for nothing. She seriously was going to get Sugarcoat back for calling her a Futanari though.
Lemon smirked and held up a hand with one finger up. “For one thing, she was studying those readings from Canterlot High down here. Who knows what kind of mystical radiation could be still lingering around from her mad science level gadgets?”
The girls all shared a look and then burst into giggles.
Sugarcoat paused her machinations of Sour Sweet’s back and sighed. “You’d feel better without this top on, Sour. And I’d have better access to your muscles, why else do you think people strip for massages at the Spa?”
Sour stuck her middle finger up. “Stuff it, you aren’t getting me with that one. I reject your attempts to conscript me into the herd of naturists you’re building.”
Sugarcoat groaned. “That is so wrong to say I can’t even dignify it with a proper thought out response. The exam is coming up soon, let’s just finish this up and enjoy lunch before our anxiety levels start climbing again.”
Sunny smiled. “Fair enough.” She began to put her clothes back on.
Sugarcoat eyed her in surprise.
Indigo shook her head and turned back to her textbook.
Lemon resumed listening to her music; the situation was over as far as she was concerned.
Sunny sighed. “I never said I would be adopting this lifestyle choice. I just prefer getting massages in the nude. I do enjoy my weekly Spa visits after all,” she reminded. Shooting her friend a wink she headed for the exit. “Besides, I need to speak with Dean Cadance about approval for allowing us to brew tea down here.”
Sugarcoat nodded. “Inevitably I will convince you that this is the proper course of action to follow. You and Sour can only hold out for so long.”
Sour bit her tongue to stop from ranting at her friend again about her controlling ego. It wasn’t entirely true; Sugarcoat wasn’t the bossy one, that was Sunny Flare, but the two were almost interchangeable at times when it came to group leader arguments. So she simply closed her eyes and enjoyed her massage as she thought back to the scene in the ladies room not long ago.
Lemon Zest found Sour Sweet staring at the mirror; she was not in a stall, nor was she diddling herself with her finger as the others had noted. Instead she was glaring angrily at herself and was obviously upset to the point that her makeup was getting a little runny.
Sour didn’t notice her at first; instead she was breathing heavily as she glared into the mirror and suddenly clenched both hands into fists. “FUCKING CUNT! ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS GETTING A GUY SO YOU CAN PRETEND TO BE NORMAL! YOU ARE A WORTHLESS, GODDESS DAMNED MORON! NOBODY WILL EVER WANT YOU! YOU DON’T DESERVE ANYONE!”
Lemon flinched at the volume of Sour’s tirade. She chose to approach her slowly though; afraid that Sour might actually start hurting herself or fighting with her if she didn’t handle this delicately. Taking a deep breath she reached out and placed her hand over Sour’s fist. “This is because one of us started dating, isn’t it?”
Sour flinched and whirled to glare at her.
Lemon swallowed her nervousness and pushed forward. “You never expected any of us to actually start dating. Or at least not openly admit to it as a group, am I right? And now I’m dating Scarlet Scribe of all people and you really don’t get how to accept that.”
Sour shook her head. “Maybe… I don’t know… When we were in sixth grade maybe I kidded myself that someday I might want to ask him out.”
Lemon stared at Sour in surprise. “Really?”
Sour dumbly nodded and turned her head sharply to hide the pained expression crossing her face. “We were young. I was just getting interested and my folks decided to give me the ‘talk’ early in anticipation of puberty setting in. Scribe was… I mean is… the only guy who’s ever not been scared of my mood swings. When my birthday came up that one year and everybody ditched for Fleur’s big coming out party… Like she’s fucking royalty or something, stupid bitch… He came to my house and gave me the biggest present he could find. And he stayed with me all day.”
Lemon cringed at the reminder of that year. “We always regretted not coming to your party, Sour. I mean… ok sure, Sugarcoat was engrossed in that personal study deal for some scholarship goal or other, Sunny and Indigo got suckered in by Fleur’s false friendship and I… I just went along with them because I knew the party was going to lead to something awful.”
Sour smirked. “I’m glad Fleur dumped that entire carton of rocky road on you three. Serves you right for going to her stupid party instead of coming to mine.”
“And we deserved it.” Lemon brushed a hand through her hair and gently rested it on Sour’s shoulder. “But I thought you could look past that. We were all young and pretty stupid, and you got yours back at Fleur anyway.”
Sour grinned wickedly a gleam in her eye as she recalled that Fleur and her stupid posse had all gotten a serious case of food poisoning. Just one of those happy little accidents that life seemed to let you enjoy sometimes.
Lemon sighed and shook her head. “So. This is because you wanted Scribe.”
Sour turned and shot Lemon a glare, which quickly morphed into an expression of horrified realization. “No! You two are good together, I could never get him to open up like you did. Or accept going out to a naturist themed restaurant and a party in the park."
“You help him be a better person, all I’m good for is being angry and moody and depressed and… all I care about these days is the SEX! Do you have any idea how hard it is to be celibate, not because you want to, but because every guy thinks you’ll bite his damn dick off if you do go down on him and give some head?”
“Do you want to give a guy head?”
“Fuck off! You know that’s not what I meant,” Sour snapped spinning around and glaring at their reflection in the mirror.
Lemon smiled, she gently walked up beside Sour and leaned in to give her a hug. “Seeing Scribe like that on Saturday did not help, and now you can’t get it out of your head, can you?”
Sour whimpered and squeezed her legs together. “He’s so FUCKING BIG!”
Lemon giggled. “I know. Looks even bigger now that his pubes are gone. But it’s just one part of him. He isn’t just a dick, and I know you don’t think that way, but it’s so hard not to feel certain urges when you’ve been stuck in this rut for as long as you can remember. Sugar didn’t exactly help matters by bringing up the similar skin tones between him and Big Mac.”
Sour sighed dejectedly and shook her head. “I hate this fucking drama, but I’m starting to get so stressed out over everything.” She stopped and glanced briefly at Lemon. “We graduate next year. College comes usually after that, if you know what you want to do with your life. Aside from my awesome archery skills and a few other things I have no fucking clue what I’m going to do.”
Lemon nodded and grew contemplative. Her head tilted to one side and she started biting her bottom lip. Then her eyes widened in surprise. “Sour, how about I make you a deal. I promise not to flaunt Scribey and I's romance any further until the end of school. After the final exam and us getting out of this place for the summer, how about we all take you to that private beach you brought up last year.”
Sour’s eyes widened in surprise. “What?”
Lemon grinned. “All of us, one big trip. Loaded with sand, surf, sun and sausages as far as the eye can see.”
“Is this about getting me into naturism again?” Sour glared frustratedly at Lemon. She crossed her arms over her chest defensively.
Lemon shook her head with a frown. “Of course not. You don’t have to be a naturist to enjoy that particular beach. Everybody hangs out there who wants to experience nude sunbathing or other beach stuff. And didn’t you like it when your cousins took you there?”
Sour slowly nodded reluctantly. “Yeah. It was kind of fun…” her eyes widened. “Fuck, is that why you guys like the nude thing? Because you can just be yourself whenever you want?”
Lemon winked. “Yep.”
Sighing she slowly uncrossed her arms. “Ok. We’ll do the beach scene. But it’s the only place I’m taking my clothes off! You dig?”
Lemon held up both hands wide apart placating. “Totally get you. Besides it’s no fun to have an uneven tan with ugly lines.”
“Damn straight,” Sour agreed with a hesitant smile.
Lemon hugged her friend again and turned them both to look in the mirror again. “So, need help to fix that?”
Sour laughed and shooed her away. “I can do my own makeup. But… Thanks, Lemon Zest, and I’m sorry if I’ve been on your case more the past week because of the dating thing.”
Lemon shrugged. “It happens. Ok, so not every single lady gets to see your boyfriend naked and have wet dreams about him… and I’m saying too much, but, yeah. No problems.”
Sour nodded mutely as she washed her face and then reapplied her makeup. “Gotta swing by my locker before we rejoin the others.”
Lemon tilted her head with a frown, but realization quickly struck and she simply nodded.
Sour took a deep breath to center herself and slowly exhaled. Then she broke into a wide smile. “That beach trip is going to be just what I need after this year’s exams. They are so much tougher this year on all of us… I think I saw Fleur going in to Mr. Pants’ room the other day to try and up her grade.” Cackling a bit at her implied innocuous statement she straightened her top and made her way towards the door.
Lemon frowned. “I don’t think Fleur deserves nearly as much crap as we dish on her, Sour.”
Whirling around she shot her friend a glare. “If you take away my one remaining outlet for decent venting I will give you a wedgie so hard you’ll be cleaning string out of your ass for a month!”
“Ok, ok! Give, give!” Lemon backed away rapidly. “Come on, let’s get back before anything else happens.”
As the last of her tension melted away Sour let out another contented sigh and began to think of all the fun that was going to be had on that beach. The guy watching, the tanning, some wicked wave surfing, it was going to be the best thing for her right then. She owed Lemon a lot for even thinking of it.
Flipping out her phone she quickly tapped away preparing a rapid-fire text. Lemon and Scribe were definitely good for each other. Why shouldn't she and the other girls get to enjoy a trip to the beach? Scribe was in for a real treat; he’d never seen Lemon on the beach before, not really. This was going to be great.
Her eyes wandered over to Indigo and she frowned slightly. Would she want to come? Damn, it might not be a perfect trip at that. Indigo deserved some time enjoying herself too, and it was a private beach. There weren’t any rules against anyone there, man, woman or hermaphrodite. The trick was convincing Indigo it’d be fun.
Shrugging she decided she’d deal with that after the week-of-hell as it was slowly becoming. She had at least a good couple of weeks before the beach even opened to the public who could afford to go there. Yeah, she was going to make it her mission to get them all to hang out at that beach, even if Indigo and Scribe did more hanging out than the rest of them.
Smirking at her little private innuendo she put her phone down and reached for her textbook. It was going to be another gruelling session after lunch and she needed all the studying she could get if she was going to pass.
I see what you did there.
The story looks as good as ever. Keep it up!
Well handled.
T
Oh come on, Tan lines are fucking hot. Granted, not all of them are perfect, but there is something about seeing the lighter untanned skin being franked by all the tanned skin.
Why do I think that Crystal Prep is going to have a student snap and cause an episode that will make local headlines, possibly national headlines, with how much pressure they seem to be putting on the kids?
Hope they both fine someone
8145185 Agreed(for once). This is getting a bit too much.
8146742 It sounds like we're almost at the end so I am determined to see this through to the finish.
You know, I seriously SERIOUSLY hate to say it. But I'm stopping here as well. While I admire Indigo's bravery, and how the students of both schools are embracing the nudist lifestyle, the way Sugarcoat keeps trying to make Sour and Sunny get naked and enjoy it is just a turn off. It's like, she's not satisfied until she absolutely makes those who are adamant against it do it. That just doesn't sit right with me. It's like she's saying, "You may not want to, but I'm going to make you whether you like it or not." Plus stuff is getting waay to sexualized.
I just don't see the need to read anymore
8146791 And I'm a stubborn mo-fo. Hell, I punched through The Flash season 3 and now I'm just mildly annoyed. So, I'm seeing this one through too.
8146800
This is way too sexualized? Compared to some mature stuff I've seen I feel this is pretty natural for teenagers on the cusp of graduating. Then again maybe I'm remembering my teen years wrong.
I can understand hating Sugarcoat a little because of her attitude, I'm afraid I didn't do her any favors by turning her into the personality type she is, but look what I had to work with. I did my best to keep her core to what she was, as limited as that was portrayed as, in Friendship Games while expanding on her as best as I could.
There are now five chapters left to post. Three focusing on the resolution of the Adagio and Diamond Tiara situation and two for just unwinding and wrapping everything up. I'm sorry this did not meet everyone's expectations, I truly am, but it would have been impossible for me to pick up with the CMC following after Blake's story. My writing style is much different, as this can plainly attest to and I was extremely uncomfortable trying to write the CMC as the main protagonists, especially as I started working on this story before Blake even finished his so I didn't have the final ending knowledge of where everyone was going to be. I had to do a lot of re-working of the majority of the first several chapters just to modify things to fit within the continuity established of the original story.
Then admittedly I probably went a little off the rails will all the magic stuff, I honestly did not see a problem with it considering the source material is My Little Pony, not My Little Naturists, but people have funny tastes when they read fiction and I guess I made an error in judgement.
I can only apologize so much, this late into the game I don't think a re-write would be entirely plausible, nor appreciated. Let's just get to the end and then we'll see what we shall see as to how everyone takes what the finale involves.
Er, and most of that isn't directed entirely at any one person. I guess the Adagio sequel I had planned and the adventures of Scribe and the Crystal Prep Nudist Lounge will just have to be permanently tabled now.
Honestly the biggest problem from day one has just been too many characters. I don't care about many of these people because we keep jumping to some other character and their story and by the time we circle back I've either forgotten what was going on with them or have lost interest. When Twilight and Sunset suddenly popped back into the story for a moment I was surprised because I had completely forgotten about them and what ever thing they were dealing with.
Basically Too many characters leads to an unfocused story which makes it really difficult to like them in the end.
8146849
So I MCU'd the story and used too many characters? I suppose I could have cut out the impact of the Mane 7 entirely, but then I'd just have people complaining that the Crystal Prep girls are being too involved with Canterlot High stuff. If we cut out everything from everyone whose only purpose is to move the plot forward in ancillary roles we'd have a story where Scarlet Scribe, Diamond Tiara, Lemon Zest, Indigo Zap, Lily Breeze and the rest are doing what-have-you and things would be extremely different. The focus would have been on the original main cast without the Dazzlings and stuff and people would really be up in arms because all anybody wanted was more CMC stuff.
On the plus side Discord and the magic stuff probably would have been axed.
8146879 I admit I don't really have much of an issue with the magic stuff it just feels really out of place in the story. Like I can't tell sometimes if this was meant be another naturist story or naked Lord of the Rings.
8146897
Sort of like when the first EG movie came about and humans got introduced to the series after three years of just ponies?
8147520 kind of yeah, I always felt the first EG film wasn't that great because it had only 70 minutes to tell a story and a large chunk of that had to be spent just introducing the human world and didn't leave much time for the actual plot.
8147542
And here we have a story detailing further aspects of the human world and tying it further into B Canon from the Comics and Starswirl's mirrors, and yet still not really focusing on the plot too much as we take the time to build on the characters and their motivations. I can kind of see why you might feel everything is unfocused. If the chapters had longer lengths without so many breaks in between updates I'd wager more folks wouldn't lose the intricate weave of the plot threads... Then again who can truly say.
Once you see the finale certain pieces may feel more appropriate. Discord has been manipulating things for a very long time, for reasons that should be all too clear if his earlier scenes were any indication. I may need to tweak some of the ending though, I've had a few second thoughts on how people react to the big reveal, might alter the dialogue a tad to better reflect the essence of the idea behind the NLAC in the first place. I certainly never intended to detract from it.
All I can really say at the moment is the simple naturist story I started grew into so much more because of an idea I had, an idea to explain away certain inconsistencies Blake created when he ended his original tale and help smooth things over so that the legal problems of the NLAC wouldn't have to come into question to further any future tales. So that people could just enjoy writing more simple stories without worrying about any more Diamond Tiara issues. And I think I pulled it off, but we'll have to wait and see in three weeks time when the resolution to the main conflict goes down and you readers have the opportunity to experience it.
I tend to write as I go along, I don't make outlines, I have a set end point I want to reach and then I see what the journey is like to get there. Sometimes we hit snags and need to re-write an entire scene to fix a problem, sometimes we get a little too wild and sometimes we refer to ourselves as the royal We for no ruddy reason I can fathom. The muse and I are a funny pair. This is the first project in a long time I've managed to write from beginning to end and I'm proud I stuck it out, even with the flaws that seem to have developed while making this journey.
I'm still not sure how anyone could think we're over-sexualized though. I haven't gone into any details on anything and I could have done a lot more if I let my filters go when Adagio and Diamond first met.
8147597 There is some interesting stuff in this story but I feel it would have worked better if some of the plot lines were told in separate stories instead of just being mashed together into one big complex story. A lot of the plot threads just wind up feeling too separate from the rest of the story since the various threads only occasionally intersect. Not to mention some plot threads that only show up occasionally only to be forgotten by the time they appear again.
8147642
It's hard for me to see that, I'm reading these chapters at least five times over during the creation and editing process that I don't lose track of what's going on when and where and why, because I have the complete picture with the whole story from start to finish. Admittedly there are some times I can agree with seeing where characters just kind of fall to the wayside because there are things that just need to happen or little nods to future events get thrown in like Filthy and his business dealings with Camp Everfree. Think I may have gotten too many steps ahead of myself at some points...
8147674 There's a difference between getting two steps ahead, or MCU'd the verse as you put it, and creating an unfocused mess of a story. And you know what that is what this story is and has become. The first story i'll admit ended rather abruptly and followed a very cliche 80's style last minute twist but that was only because I really didn't want to hammer out a resolution to a style of story i wasn't comfortable writing at the time. This story is completely unfocused. First and foremost it's bringing an element into this universe that both Enclave and myself established that did not exist or need to be there: MAGIC. Yes the EQG movies had magic in them but guess what this is a fan story taking place within an universe set by the author of the fan fiction, so by those laws the writer has the means to establish what is canon and what isn't.
Now why was magic not included in this story: because it wasn't needed. Canterlot High has a club about WHAT?! was a down to earth, slice of life story about acceptance, over coming adversity, and more importantly understanding. It had heart, good characters, and between Enclave and myself a fucking understanding of what it was trying to go for. This story is completely the opposite. What if any is the moral of this story: Power is bad? that really was not the focus of what this was meant to be. Diamond existed as nothing more than an obstacle, and regardless of whatever JediAlexColbent thinks, that's all she should've been. Why did the sirens need to be in this story? Further more, again why did the Mane 7 need to be here? Sunset was in the original because she was the "Mentor" of sorts to Sweetie Belle who got her into the Naturist lifestyle as well as being a voice of reason when Sweetie and Rarity were fighting. Which brings me to Rarity's existence, who was there to add dynamic to Sweetie Belle's character arc. And Pinkie...well we were crafting parties and you cant do that without Pinkie. Twilight, Rainbow, Applejack, and Fluttershy don't appear in the story because they don't need to be there. The Crystal Prep girls would've been fine as antagonists if you kept Diamond out of the mix, but again without the Mane 7 what use were they? And the Sirens are just there for the dreaded Magic element to which I've already discussed.
So we got superfluous Side characters what about the main one: Scarlet Scribe. The dude's a freaking tool with no backbone and an almost sadistic love of being bullied and tossed about like a ship on the ocean in the middle of a storm. There's nothing to him and this whole dark past side that has him dealing with Diamond Tiara almost makes me not feel for the guy. But the worst part of it is we never focus on him long enough to fucking care!!!!!!!!!!
And that leads me to my final complaint. Everydaygamer put it best when he said
And that is the ultimate problem with this story: IT IS UNFOCUSED. Oh sure I can understand the idea of fleshing out the world, George Lucas had that idea with the prequels and look how they turned out. Flushing out the world is all very nice but we don't remain in one area long enough to fully see the world. Furthermore, WHY THE FUCK ARE WE FLESHING OUT A FULL WORLD WHEN THE EQG MOVIES ALREADY DID THAT AND ALL THE PREVIOUS ONE DID WAS ADD A NEW ELEMENT?! It's not nessecary, it's not needed, and this whole concept of a secret underground nudist movement that you're apparently working that the world just doesn't notice with disgusts me. Why because it's stupid! The concept of acceptance in the previous story is plain to see for anyone who reads it, and you could've easily replaced nudism with marijuana or some other odd thing and it would've worked fine (within reason).
This story is a god damn mess. I'm really considering pulling the plug and trying my hand again.
8146800 can i ask what did you think of the first?
8148013 I thought it was actually consistent with how the EQG Movies could have in the background as the audience was focusing on the main storyline. Such as Sunset's Mentoring of Sweetie Belle being another aspect of fighting against the wrong she committed by acting out in kindness and generosity, teaching her to be a nudist. While Sweetie Belle is off-screen with her learning about this, we as the audience are watching the true story unfold at the fore. Like I said, the first story could be what's happening in the BACKGROUND. Because the CMC are background characters. This story? This story is a jumpy, innuendo ridden, slightly cringe worthy mess. I mean, I loved the start, and the first ten chapters or so, but after? I kept cringing slightly, waiting for it to make sense. Honestly, and AJ will be proud of me for, but this story went from great to being something Discord would get his own multicolored socks blown off on.
8148079 While i thank you for your comments, i'm not entirely sure this would've counted as a background story. Though with time i feel my opinion on that may change.
BTW that color thing, nice quirk
8147958
Blake, I'm well aware of your feelings on the subject of magic. No need to go into that, but here's a few things to address your questions.
Why were the Dazzlings included in this story? BECAUSE YOU WANTED THE PINKIE AND SONATA SHIP, after my contribution to the party chapter you asked me if they were a couple and what that was like, so I included Sonata with Pinkie, and because Sonata was involved I couldn't very well leave Aria or Adagio out otherwise people would start asking what they were doing. Or how they felt when they found out Sonata was dating 'the enemy'.
Why am I fleshing out the world? Because in order to resolve the conflict some things about the world need to be known to the reader, I can't just have the thing end with another rushed resolution that leaves Diamond open as a threat. I don't like it that way, I get your reasoning's behind the ending of the other story, I really do, but in order for this story to end the way I wanted it to it had to play out a certain way. To add more character and reasoning behind why people act the way they do.
As far as Scribe never being involved in chapters long enough to get to care for the guy... Yeah, he's not around as much as I would have liked, that's the problem with overcrowding a story. The original length chapters of 15K or more before we started breaking them up into smaller bite-sized chunks wouldn't have had nearly as much of an issue as that. I write long chapters like that because I know I'm going to be bouncing from one group of people to the next and if I don't tie everything up in each full-length chapter to set up for the next one then people are going to ask what's happening. Being unfocused isn't entirely the problem, but it is definitely a big one.
We're almost finished with this and I've got five chapters already done waiting to be posted, cutting the thing off here seems to be a tad hasty. I certainly don't know if I'd have the ability to go back and re-work the entire thing to cut out the sub-plots for A and B stories if that would be better received. Or even acceptable seeing as how antagonistic things have become between us over the damn magic thing.
Incidentally I am not 'creating' a secret society of nudists in Canterlot, where the hell did it ever imply that? The Board of Regents? Queen Platinum? They're a Secret Society alright, but certainly not just Nudists, that's a side-development. And if you honestly think the EQG specials is enough world building for this place I am rather surprised, seeing as how we only have four and there's barely anything established in those stories aside from, Evil Equestrian Threat Needs to be Stopped, or Misguided Person with Too Much Magic Needs to be Stopped. Magic works differently here, Sunset doesn't know why or how to harness it. Big threat is dealt with, cue credits. I was only trying to build up some mystery and excitement and perhaps a greater reason for the purpose of EQG other than it's just to sell toys, because I like doing that sort of thing. Usually it doesn't get this badly off-kilter, but then again usually I'm dealing with crossovers and merging two fandoms together in plausible ways that make sense, perhaps I took too much for granted concerning the source material and what most of the fandom of Gen 4 prefers.
8148523
I only agreed to the ship because the sirens were in the damn story to begin with, and like i said they shouldn't have been. And i wasn't aware then of how convoluted and crazy this story was going to become.
There, right there is the primary problem. Writing 15k a chapter isn't a bad thing, lord knows writers here do worse, but the good ones always keep it focused and stick with one character as best as they can. Those that can't usually don't go over well. Why? because it becomes unfocused and very very hard to keep relevant ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE JUGGLING SO MANY CHARACTERS! It's maddening trying to keep track of all these things. This isn't the Count of Monte Cristo or Dune where you need a freaking flow chart to remember all the characters and motivations, nor is this The Lord of The Rings where Tolkien spent decades figuring out every little detail of Middle Earth and even then left half of his lore to the Silmarillion before realizing that the Hobbit also had plot holes TORR didn't fix, this is or was a down to earth slice of life story about forming a Nudist club.
And being unfocused isn't a big problem it is the problem. Bad characters aside none of them feel fleshed out. Hell Mythril had a point when he wrote that:
That was a tacit admission to the audience that "Yeah i just wrote BS and here it is suck away."
I will contradict Mythril on one thing though, Moffat's problem wasn't he had no clue what he was doing, he just didn't know how to handle the lore had been given nor how the science of Doctor Who works. And I say that because he did a fine job in Sherlock. Which transitions me to my next point.
I get it I rushed the ending of the previous one a bit. But outside of JediAlex, who threw a goddamn shit storm that his Diamond Tiara Head-canon wasn't fulfilled, very few people actually had a problem with the ending because Emotionally things work out. 80's movies, especially Rom-coms, do that all the time. Phantom of the Opera, hell any of the Loyd Webber plays, have really rushed endings that don't resolve much. But you know what all those did, they ended on a satisfying conclusion. And for all it's rushed problems, the first one ended satisfyingly. I honestly don't see this ending with nothing more of a cluster fuck of stories slammed together messily.
Now was Diamond Tiara a simple character yes, but for the nature of this story she needed to be. Sweetie gets development sure, and i actually forgot how preachy i almost became in the middle part of those chapters, but what brought her back down to reality was a clear and straight forward obstacle: Diamond Tiara. Why was she doing what she was doing, she wanted power. That's it, that's all you needed, that's all she was. Just replace her with the wicked witch of the west and you'd have OZ all over again. Instead in this one we get some 16 page backstory about her family being terrible and in league with Discord, and she's got mother issues, and she's got daddy issues, power hungry to the point of total meaninglessness. God when did it become a crime to have simple villains? Actually let me rephrase that last term, when did it become a crime to have simple antagonists?
8148572
And in the original rough draft the Dazzlings were only there as a comic relief secondary foil, as you'll recall the original rough draft was entirely focused on the Scribe scenes, we didn't jump off to God knows where or to who or to what. The original rough draft I wrote long ago was simple, straightforward and to the point. Scribe had to infiltrate the Party on Diamond's orders because Silver had a falling out. Plain and simple.
When we agreed to make it a 'sequel' I chose, erroneously, to pad the run time in the beginning. I added more Discord, I added Lily as a character instead of simply a reference, and I added more with Sonata to further explore her relationship with Pinkie. I added too much because I thought the main protagonist of Scribe wouldn't be able to hold anybody's interest, so I needed to go in and add CMC stuff after the party, I needed to make more and more twists and turns to have a goal in mind. That's all on me, partially insecurity and partially not haveing a damn ending in mind for a multi-chapter story originally.
Originally I had the one-shot, Scribe goes to the party, finds out what it's all about and then he and Lemon leave. Then I started getting inspired, and the second chapter's rough draft was started with the CMC and Scribe meeting at Sugarcube Corner and discussing things. Where it would have gone from there I'm not entirely certain, the magic angle and Discord's nuttiness could have been nowhere near where I was going to go. I write my stories and then I see where they're going then I shape them and mold them to fit that path. Oftentimes it's not always a good idea and things need to be re-started.
Maybe I should have had a better end goal in mind, maybe I shouldn't have crammed in more and more backstory for the world and characters. Maybe I should have finished everything first before we ever started posting while it was still a work in progress so more could be done to remain focused and avoid the over bloated nature it has become. Hindsight is twenty-twenty and we can't change the past.
My mistakes are mine, nobody else's, and if this is to be scrapped then so be it. I shall await whatever decisions Enclave and you make. I can only apologize so many times before I start to sound like a broken record.
Hell, my original idea for Diamond was to make her more sympathetic and re-deem her, but you wanted her to just be a base 80's villain, so I had to scrap some of where I wanted to go in favor of making her more antagonistic towards everybody.
8132736
I think that's basically the problem here in a nutshell. What little I've read of this story was fabricated on the premise of the school bitch trying to bust up a nudism club. When you dropped in Discord and an entire chapter of waffling exposition about magic and stuff, I realized this story was going to go massively off the rails and decided not to even bother.
Did it ever occur to you that maybe people who come here to read this story are not interested in your big magical mythological world-building shenanigans? That they came here for a story about, I dunno, the school bitch trying to bust a nudism club?
I mean, really, you seriously need to take a step back and think about that. If you can't understand where you've screwed up here, then there's no help for you.
8137147 That one's PROBABLY my fault. At least, I'm going to take credit for/blame for it. ^^;;
So folks, should we start over again with a less involved tale? Lose Discord and everything that many of you feel hurt the story, which I freely admit is more than likely the case, and take a hiatus until September or something once the new material is ready to go?
8148905 let me and Enclave discuss this
8148932
As you wish. If I must remove myself from the equation than so be it.
8148905 At this point it's probably better to finish it where it lies, resolve the core plot with DT and maybe touch on one or two other elements but leave the rest as they are for the time being. You could go back later and cut out the parts that were a problem, that's the core of editing anyways, but you should finish the core plotline and put a 'done' on the story first.
I actually like how the story is going. The "world building" for me is okay as long as there is going to be a sequel after this arc is done. And now I kinda want Indigo and Sour to get together! At the end though, it IS the author's (authors') choice to keep the story as is or rewrite. If you as a reader don't like the "extra stuff" then just gloss over it, DON'T try and harass the author to change.
Though if you do choose the rewrite, I would ask you to put the originals somewhere where the rest of us can go back and read them.
8149182
Thanks for that, after all the negativity I was feeling rather depressed. I freely admit I made some mistakes for most of the folks who were looking for something simpler in their sequels. The chances of this continuing are completely out of my hands at the moment, I don't have final say on everything as I am merely a collaborator on another author's original work.
I'm just waiting to hear what's going on and all further decisions will be made after that. Whatever happens a blog shall be made available by me to further explain what will happen going forward.
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Not a French expert but should that be 'laissez-faire'?
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I know the matter is pretty dividing and controversial, but I say we see things through to the end after we've come this far. There's only five more chapters left, or so I've read, I'm willing to wait and see how everything culminates from this point on. I've actually enjoyed this story from the beginning, seeing what the characters do and what secrets are revealed as things move along.
Reading over this story, to me it has a very MLP feel about it. Every season that comes along, there's always certain episodes and character moments that are less popular than others, but we as fans have stuck through them because we like the series overall, and aren't going to let something like the Princess Spike episode turn us off the whole series.
8149254
Ouch, I think I gaffed a lot on the grammar this time.
I'm not an expect on French either, even though I took it for most of my educational life, and honestly I've seen it both ways personally, I double-checked with spell-check too by switching it over to French and it seemed to work... But autocorrect on Word might have screwed that up before I sent it off.
8149643 Only mentioned it cause didn't know what Laissez was and came on this in a search https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laissez-faire, I might be getting finicky in my old age. Spell checkers can be a pain, Google docs and Word constantly give contradictory results.
8149664
Looks like I goofed. No wonder I was never good in French-Emersion.
8148572
Blake, I forgot to mention this before, but it isn't a crime to have a simple antagonist. When you start to write a story from the POV of the antagonist you can't have a simple antagonist anymore because your antagonist is now the protagonist. Diamond Tiara needed more backstory and more reasons for why she acted the way she did in your story and this one because she was now one of the central protagonists. (Though you wouldn't know it from how little she's been in some of these chapters.)
Adagio became the simple antagonist for this story. She's out for revenge and just so happens to fall into the right situation to take back some control of her life in order to get it.
I'm not going to go into it now, because this isn't finished yet, but once the entire picture has been revealed I think I want to address everyone's concerns somehow. It won't do much to make folks like the story any better I'd wager, but it would explain my thinking process a little and where I probably went wrong in how I handled things. It probably wouldn't serve any purposes either aside from being an apology/explanation for why I'm apparently a 'shit writer who's totally self-indulgent', but again I feel I owe it to everybody to make up for my poor handling of things with this story.
So once we're done, expect a blog or something folks.