The Gobble Wars

by Glen Gorewood

Day 4: The Turkey Trap Taffy Time

Griffins, just outside the Thankful Forest Outskirts

The Thankful Forest looms before the participants of The Griffin Feast Hunt, each team of hunters eager to bag a delicious delectable oh so tasty turkey. Some of the teams are made up of families, others friends, and a few are made up of former veterans of the border patrol. A few teams are made up of random strangers chosen to match each other’s skill sets perfectly like a well oiled machine.

Gilda’s team is none of these. As she suspected she was indeed dumped in a group of losers on purpose. Apparently word of her doing a pony slide got around fast, and she is being punished for her shameful actions. Mostly because she kept it a secret on the Hunt application, dishonest and shameful behavior like that is only utilized by losers. As a result she was placed in the team known as Bad Secrets, with all the other liars.

Now Gilda and her teammates Grom, Gorna, and Father GracGruder stand at attention as do all the other Hunt teams. Standing before them at the forests edge is the Hunt Marshall, the greatest griffin hunter of the modern era. Who has bestest more beasts, and of course turkeys, than any other griffin. He even has a uniform and medals to prove it.

Goober Gob Gobber Gorefist, or Triple G Gorefist as many know him is his name. A great and powerful griffin with a deep umber and tan pattern on his feathers and coat. A marking on his back and forehead resemble a clenched griffin claw fist, and he wears a shiny silver horned helmet that complements his metal fist on his right front claw. Yes GGG Gorefist is a sight to behold, a paragon of griffin fitness and power, the greatest of all modern hunters.

He has a voice that commands attention and respect that barks out of his scarred beak at the Hunt Participants in a military manner.
“Alright you grimy griffin grunts, at ease. Today you represent your nation and will bring back a feathered fowl or not return at all! I expect to see each and every one of you pathetic pieces of griffin flesh with at least one turkey in claw by the Hunt’s end. If you ever want to measure up to me, forget it, you can’t. The Griffins who don’t bag a turkey will be made to clean every latrine in the Griffin Kingdom with a toothbrush! Now go and hunt some turkeys.”

The crowd of Griffins shuffles about uneasily, many only seeing the legend via a large screen, and GGG Gorefist narrows his yellow eyes.

“What are you waiting for? Move it! The Hunt has begun!”

The crowd surges forward, each team flying into a separate section of the ancient forest that they have been told to start the Hunt from. Gilda’s group has been given the worst location, the swamp bordering far-west outskirts of the Thankful Forest. Under normal circumstances this would be the absolute worst and most dangerous location to hunt Turkeys. But it just so happens that these are not normal circumstances, and as Gilda and her team trudge into the forest the rest of the Griffins very quickly learn why things are very far from normal.

Eastern outskirts, Butterball’s quadrant

The young chipper griffin from before skips happily through the forest, his father and two older brothers not far behind.

“I’m going to get a turkey, I’m going to get a turkey, yippee!” The little chick cheers as he pounces at an unsuspecting piece of feather fern.

“Not if you keep being so loud you’re not Gibsy.” Says one of the chick’s older siblings, ruffling his tan and dark brown feathers as he tries to tip toe over a branch without making a sound. On his back is a large metal star bladed object.

The other older griffin sibling, wielding a bamboo staff, his grey and tan feathers set in patterns like a barred owl replies with a mischievous grin on his beak. “Well at least he’s trying Gamma. Which is a far cry from you and your vain attempts at stealth in a forest.”

Gamma glares at his brother. “I’m trying to practice my ninja skills Glork, that way I can sneak up on the turkeys and avoid any traps they may have set.”

Glork groans in disbelief, “Not this again. When will you stop this madness Gamma. For the last time the turkeys are not out to get us, they are too stupid for that.” He sticks out his tongue at his brother for emphasis, causing the younger griffin to growl.

Before the two can start arguing, the father Gappa steps in. His ridiculous armor and powerful muscles the only weapon he needs. “Now now Gamma, Glork, be nice. This is Gibsy’s first turkey hunt and you wouldn’t want to ruin the experience for him.” The older tan and slate blue griffin with white ear tights narrows his eyes before adding. “Right?” In a voice that demands no argument on the matter.

Gamma and Glork nod silently in agreement with the statement.

“Speaking of which, where is Gibsy.” The younger of the two older siblings Gamma asks, glancing about for his youngest brother that was right by the feather fern seconds ago.

“Probably off chasing flies or something.” Glork replies.

Their father looks over to where his youngest had been seconds before, slightly apprehensive. The growing fear in his mind is silenced though when a young and happy voice shouts.

“Daddy, brothers, I got a turkey!”

“What!?” Shout a shocked Gamma and Glork in unison as a pair of bushes rustle to show their little brother’s rear as he drags something huge out of the woods.

Gappa smiles, pride filling his heart that had seconds before been worried that the worst has happened.
“Well then my son, why not show us all your first turkey.” He says in a voice oozing with pride and joy.

“Ohhfkay”Gibsy replies as he gives one more tug on his turkey and adorably flips over, his prize flying over his head and landing right in the space between his family and himself. The pinkish, oddly turkey shaped blob of something plops to the ground unharmed. Gibsy rolls over a few times before hopping to his claws and bouncing over in glee, while his father and brothers stare in a sort of dumb shock at the “turkey” he has brought.

“What do you think? I got a turkey, I got a turkey.” The chick cheers as he bounces about in triumph.

*tick tick tick tock tic tic tic* goes the pink turkey blob.

Gamma turns his head and reaches out his neck to get a closer look at the pink blob. “Glork, Dad, I don’t think it’s a turkey.”

Glork and Gappa sigh in sheer disbelief and shame.

Gibsy merely stops bouncing and pouts, eyes turning into adorable pools of tear filled emotion. “Not...a..Turkey..” he squeaks out, his lip quavering.

*tic tic tic*

Gamma shakes his head, “No Gibsy it’s not a turkey and..Wait is it ticking?”

Glork snorts, rolling his eyes. “Don’t be silly turkeys don’t tic.”

*tic tic tictictictictic*

Gappa nods in agreement with his oldest son. “Glork is right, turkeys don’t tick. Bombs do.”

*ticticticticticticTIC*

As a short wind blows through the trees overhead, rustling the golden leaves of the Thankful Forest; the Griffin family has a horrible realization a little too late. Gibsy is the first to notice the pink blob is expanding outwards. Followed by Gamma, whose beak is promptly smooshed by the sticky mass. Gappa and Glork notice last, all of them are far too close to do anything about it. Their eyes grow wide, their beaks open to make a sound, but only one manages to do so.

“Oh frack it’s a...” Is all Glork gets out before the pink mass of turkey shaped Taffy tenses, and explodes with a *BloopBoom*.
A great wave of bright pink sugary sticky salty sweet treat almost comically flows outwards from the turkey blob shape and coats every griffin present in a thick cover of taffy. Specifically chocolate strawberry flavored taffy.

Four pairs of eyes blink out from under the great blanket of pink, one of those eyes belong to a very small griffin chick who seems to be chewing on the stuff happily. The second largest mound of Taffy groans and cries, his tears causing them sticky stuff to actually adhere to his feathers more. The other two just turn to stare at each other, as the third largest seems to be grinning in triumph for some reason.

Well at least until they hear the screams.

Author's Note:

The Turkey Taffy Time bomb, useful for parties, pranks, and stopping Griffins trying to murder your family and friends.

Glen Gorewood

Comments

[Punk Rock Prom Queen]

is it weird that I want some taffy now?