Me with my infinite wisdom chose the perfect time to be an ass "if I were gonna cause trouble, now would be the time I'd do it." Applejack gave me a look that sent a chill down my spine "but. I'm not going to, because I don't cause trouble... On purpose." She dropped the look. Worth it, maybe.
When you get punked out
Comment posted by Norwegian boy deleted Sep 24th, 2018
Ok, the first chapter might as well been a completely different fic. All the talk about how he would sacrifice everything for his brother went down the drain in the second chapter. He’s happily making friends don’t giving a fuck about his little brother who is alone in the middle of a shit hole. The second issue I have is the completely opposition between him in his world and equestria, in his world he was quite brave, risking his life for his family, Even having the ball to try to scam criminals and selling drugs, yet in equestria he can’t walk around a village because he’s afraid of people. Now if you would have explained it by stating that he’s paranoid because of his previous lifestyle that would have make sense, but just saying he’s afraid of people makes no sense in the context of you character, he was a dealer wasn’t he? He had to interact with people, dangerous people.
How old are the Crusaders in this story?
7670775 their age will be shown in the next chapter, but they will be turning 18 soon
7670775 don't worry. I have a plan... It might not be a good one, but it's a plan
Love the story...
Couple things you could fix though only minor nothing to worry about too much.
There are plenty of mistakes. But...Keep it Pg-13 lol
I was hoping someone would randomly yell "An illusion, what are you hiding?!"
When you get punked out
Ok, the first chapter might as well been a completely different fic. All the talk about how he would sacrifice everything for his brother went down the drain in the second chapter. He’s happily making friends don’t giving a fuck about his little brother who is alone in the middle of a shit hole. The second issue I have is the completely opposition between him in his world and equestria, in his world he was quite brave, risking his life for his family, Even having the ball to try to scam criminals and selling drugs, yet in equestria he can’t walk around a village because he’s afraid of people. Now if you would have explained it by stating that he’s paranoid because of his previous lifestyle that would have make sense, but just saying he’s afraid of people makes no sense in the context of you character, he was a dealer wasn’t he? He had to interact with people, dangerous people.