We reached the foyer when a thought came to mind. I had to tell princess Celestia about Alex. "Pinkie?"

"Twilight?"

"Can you please get Spike for me, I need him to send a letter to the princess."

"But Twilight, Spike's right behind you." We all looked behind me for Spike. Sure enough he was right there.

"What? How'd I? I was just in the library." Just ignore it, Twilight... Just ignore it .

Well, that's new.

"You have no idea what this is like for me right now. It's not just that I've never seen one before. Where I come from they don't exist, they're just myths... And the coolest things ever." As I said that last part, Rainbow crossed her arms and pouted.

Now that was funny.
: Well not to me it was.

Das Goood

Ha ha ha Alex if so funny

Oh Dis Is Gonna buy Gud

"The bakery doesn't have any extra room... But you can stay in my room" *wink*

I would choose Pinkie!

7835255 hmmm?
I would have to go with fluttershy.
I'm sorry she's my favorite other than rarity.

7747357 dude awesome profile picture!

Dat fanboy over dragons doe.

. I think that old hag has something to do with it, and It's because of her I'm feeling this way.

So you're sure, but you're not sure. Might just be reading too deeply into it, but I want to say 'Make up your mind'.

(nothing special, just a stereotypical hospital chair)

Stereotypes are usually for people. 'Typical' would have been a better choice.

I couldn't get a good look at the yellow one because she was hiding behind the white one.

I like that. Way to establish Fluttershy's character without describing her.

Ah'm Applejack, an' ah run the apple family farm.

Might be personal preference, but writing in accents is tricky. Go too far and it's hard to read. I know that it makes me read slower because I have to translate, and it gets to be annoying,

Said rainbow coloured hair wielded struck a superhero pose, puffed out her chest and... "The name's Rainbow Dash"... Fucking, close enough. She shook my hand with some gusto, but still wasn't as impressive as Applejack's.

I like the italics to show Alex's thoughts. I hope you use them instead of the apostrophes more often

"My Name is... Pause for dramatic effect... Alex Regent

You've done the ellipses before, so does that mean he actually paused, or did he say that he paused? Was it a thought, or was it some spoken words?

"Uh... Right... Well... Um... The doctor said that, although very similar, you're not a pony" I gave her a small nod and she continued "then, what are you?"

Who's talking?

" Applejack started snickering, much to Rainbow dash's demise.

I don't think Applejack was trying to bring Rainbow down. 'Dismay' would have been a better choice. And why leave 'Dash' uncapitalized? It's a part of her name m80.

"Hmm, like if he has a special somepony." Rarity quietly mentioned while staring through her thoughts.

How do you stare through thoughts?

"What? How'd I? I was just in the library." Just ignore it, Twilight... Just ignore it . "What's everypony doing at the hospital?"

It took three reads to understand what just happened. I'm guessing that Spike was speaking and that Twilight was thinking, but the way you set it up confused me.

"I told her." Of course you did.

What a beautiful way to illustrate Alex's thoughts on the matter. +5 points

"There's ah place at the farm, if yah wan' it."
"I've got plenty of spare rooms, but unless you can walk on clouds, that's out of the question."
"Sweetie Belle is using my spare room currently, but you can sleep on the couch. If you wish."
"The bakery doesn't have any extra room... But you can stay in my room" *wink*

While it's good that you can tell who's talking by what they say, indicators would help.

8134378
how about just read the damn story instead of fucking analyzing every word there is!

also really good story i like so far dark magic or something like that in a human taken away from home sounds like a good HIE fic to me.

("Somethings tell me we're going to get along just fine."

"I really hope so."). That sounds gay, no offense to nobody

Did he passed out from a bite? I understand the why but you should have made his wounds more critical or the chase longer so it would have been better justify.
PD: The chapter was quite good, but for all the shit he said about loving his brother so much, he couldn’t give less of a crap that he won’t see him ever again.

10093384
BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN

So far its pretty good :)