Twilight Sparkle marries Flash Sentry, and has many royal duties in Canterlot as Princess, and so she rarely gets to see her friends anymore. But the Princess of Friendship hides a dark secret. A secret hidden even from her closest friends and family
Two things I want to say. First, I don't think you have to put a comma after all the quotations of the characters. When I read a book, I don't see that anywhere so you might want to fix. Here is a place where it helps you understand how to do dialogue
Second, you actually made me read how long can a labor last because I couldn't tell if it was real or fake or Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie. Found out that it's called an early labor that some people go though and I never knew that. Thanks for the life lesson in pregnancy
ok i can think of few thign that could happen, frist off the foal was lost, 2nd off fluttershy died, and lastly which i hope is the case both are alrgiht but some how fluttershy wont be able to have more childeren.....
Two things I want to say. First, I don't think you have to put a comma after all the quotations of the characters. When I read a book, I don't see that anywhere so you might want to fix.
Here is a place where it helps you understand how to do dialogue
Second, you actually made me read how long can a labor last because I couldn't tell if it was real or fake or Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie. Found out that it's called an early labor that some people go though and I never knew that. Thanks for the life lesson in pregnancy
ok i can think of few thign that could happen, frist off the foal was lost, 2nd off fluttershy died, and lastly which i hope is the case both are alrgiht but some how fluttershy wont be able to have more childeren.....
7477464 No problem And yea, i can be a bit of a grammar freak at times and overuse commas, but once its all edited, I'll be fixing them