Dear Author,

Do you wish for me to point out all the problems in the cover page? There are many there that you should have seen and polished before posting.

Do you wish for me to point out all the problems with the grammar and structure? I would, but you already have three other stories and those look correctly formatted, if not my cup of tea.

Do you wish for me to point out all of the flaws with the story and the implications you make? I'd love to, but, honestly, I'm not sure it's worth my time.

That's why I'm asking you. Do you desire me to tear into this story to help you grow as a writer, or would you rather wallow in substandard writing?

8758516
That depends are you going to help me or are you going to drown me in negative criticism and tell me to re write the whole thing from the bottom up, cause I’ve had a few people do that and I’m to the point where I’m ready to throw in the towel and yell fuck it to this whole fimfiction thing

NO!!! Keep going! This is fukin AWESOME!!!!

Let the sun bleed

8758568
Dude don't quit. The story is great as it is. Fuck those guys that want to tare into your story. Writing a story like this is hard as FUCK. I've been trying to write my own story for 3 and a half years and I'm still on the first chapter.

celestia is ssssoooo fucked alright i'm taking bets ulfric or celestia and the mane 6 who's gonna win

Celestia is so dead I can’t what to see what happens next keep up the good work update soon

Nice grammar, kid. I've worked with illegals (not by choice) who have a better understanding of English than this.

Dude please keep writing this is seriously good stuff.

8758747

I've worked with illegals (not by choice)

media.giphy.com/media/l0Iy8hSJalxmgTOF2/giphy.gif

8758747
Excuse me I am not an Illegal I have lived in the United States since I was born the same with my family so I am now offended by you comments

8758673 *sets up a betting pool* Step right up folks and place you bets on whose going to win Free popcorn and a soda for every who participates

8758627
True I intend to flush everything out in coming chapters

8758933

sir

myanimelist.cdn-dena.com/s/common/uploaded_files/1460347124-a5b6f2b93e7b393d857c444e6d0fb0a6.jpeg

Can you not read the Ms in Ms QiB?

to me pictures just seem to make it easier when something is being described so everyone knows what your talking about

I was being sarcastic when I said I'm glad about the inclusion of pictures. If you are so bad at describing something why not just make this a picture book? The point of Writing a story is that you are supposed to Write the descriptions of the things in your story to the reader, not just lazily go to google and steal pictures.

8758914
Oooohohoho, this is going to be goood.
Alucard: I am half massed.
Dude, too much

more of this please

Hopefully Luna wakes up to calm her wolf down before he tries to dethrone Celestia.

Oh yeah. That one thing we witch was sending your sister and his one love to the moon. I mean why would he be mad about that?

8759116
Or stop him before he does worse

8758944
I was trying to be polite but sorry if I’m “such a bad writer” sorry that I’m not like tarbtano or pen stroke

8759195
You were trying to be polite but did'int take a second to realise that I have Ms in my name. K...

When did I say you had to be as good as someone else? What I was trying to say was, if your so incompetent as a writer that you know that you are going to have to include images instead of a description, why not realise the problem with your writing and go back and improve the description instead of using a google image?

8759241
You have me on the first one. So I am sorry I do not meet your expectations for writing

8759249
What's with all of the apologies? Are you trying to mock me because you think I'm Canadian or something?

8758895
The first bakery I got hired at had one doing Mexican sweet breads (actual bread, not guts) and another handling deli items.
8759274
The only thing Canada deserves is a nuclear holocaust.

8759328

The only thing Canada deserves is a nuclear holocaust.

78.media.tumblr.com/ac74b4ce4adbe0338c1a5a1d62522f72/tumblr_ohdthy1HSl1ugnoaco1_400.gif
Our prime minister is kind of weird, but Vancouver and Toronto are really hecking cool though...

8759274
no I'm not trying to mock you, that was not my intent, nor was I actually trying to do that. That is just a part of my personality

8759328
now that was uncalled for, wishing nuclear Armageddon on someone or their nation is so out of line

8759353
Hockey and the things you do to french fries are the only reasons why the Day of The Rake is being held off.

8759367
Get your terminology straight, boy. Armageddon implies a worldly event.

8759379
хорошо извините меня за мисс, интерпретирующий то, что вы сказали, и не называйте меня мальчиком

8759393
I don't know how they do things over in Leningrad, but we speak Engrish here, Vladimir Russovitch.

8759407
Ich bin nicht von russischer Abstammung Ich habe einfach nicht mehr das Verlangen und die Geduld, mit dir auf Englisch zu sprechen

8758568
Threatening to stop writing if hit with criticism? Grow thicker skin can be my only advice, because, other than that, you'll likely ignore whatever I say to you as being a "Hater". So, I'll leave it to you to look.

Look at your front page. Look at the cover. If you can tell me there are no grammar mistakes in the description and truly believe it, you might as well stop writing and take a few english courses before trying again. There's an easy one in the first sentence itself, with the "o" in "one" not being capitalized.

This trend continues throughout the story. You need to fix your grammar mistakes before posting. This is what editors are for, which I know you know as your first story has/had one.

8759407

I don't know how they do things over in Leningrad, but we speak Engrish here, Vladimir Russovitch.

"Engrish"? Really? That term has nothing to do with either Russia or Germany. Your joke/insult falls flat on the basis of bad logic.

8759422
Bless you for somehow combining subtlety, snark, irony and undeserved politeness in the same sentence.

8759875
I think he was just saying that he hopes you'll give actual, meaningful criticism, rather than something that could be summarized as: "your story is shit and you should scrap it".

8759875
Your right I did have an editor but he started to take so long in getting chapters edited that I couldn’t continue with the first one so I have chosen to strike out on my own accord and see where the road takes me

8758914
2 gold bars and a copy of halo 5 on ulfric

8759986
You'll have to pardon me, but in my experience, people who have the mindset of "Give me meaningful criticism" rarely listen to it, no matter how nice it is said or how legitimate the problem. I can keep my own personal opinion on HiE out of it for a large portion to point out grammar, story, structure, plot, etc.. If I were to be so bold, I would, in fact, advise him to take down this story and try to come up with a more original idea, because this story isn't.

8760017
That's why you get a new editor. There are groups for it. Get active. Get big. Get moving. Do something instead of not changing.

Also, I know you read the previous part, so I'm going to try to be nice here... but this story is a dime a dozen carbon copy. I can point out a dozen similar stories with similar writing levels with similar plots with similar antagonist, protagonist and love interests. Please, I will bed you to come up with a more original idea. It's not even because I dislike HiE, it's because of how oversaturrated it is. There is no original idea left unscathed. You will reach far more acclaim and feel like you're actually creating something new if you do an original idea.

That's all I can say. I doubt you'll take my advice, but it's the best I can do. If you want anything more from me and truly wish to improve, feel free to send me a PM or reply here.

8760029
*takes said items and places them in the pot* now can anyone match or raise the bet for Luna or Celestia

8759980
It's a joke, genius. See how I called him an obviously (needs to be said apparently) bad interpretation of a Russian name after namedropping a city that was renamed before most of this site's users were born? People like you are the reason we get Amy Schumer instead of Monty Python.

8760035
Well that may be true for these first chapters. But do you even know what I have planned for this or for future chapters. No you do not, you know absolutely nothing about what I have planned for this story. Let me ask you this are you some English professor in some far off prestigious university who sets unrealisticly high standards for writing that your students will never reach them? Or are you just a random bloke who likes to point out the faults of other for purely entertainment reasons?

8760060
Well I do not find your jokes very funny. In fact I find them to be rather crude, disrespectful

8760094
*crude and disrespectful.
It's okay. I forget words sometimes too (usually when I've had one too many, apparently).

8760089
You're allowing emotion to overtake you and drive you to anger and lashing out. I'd advise you to take a moment to calm down before reading on. I, myself, have to do this at times to keep a level head.

Done? Good.

When writing a story, you need to start with a strong foundation. A story needs to be strong in the beginning to hook readers and strong at the end to leave them happy. The middle parts can be passing or good, maybe even great, but it's the beginning that matters the most. As for the future of the story... my apologies, but I'm judging your writing on what I currently see because, if you look at your track record, you've yet to finish any of them.

Perhaps the most tragic part of this, though, is the "unrealistically high standards." I'm asking you to write with a basic understanding of the English language. You still haven't fixed the mistake I pointed out in the description, by the way. Your story is riddled with holes that you, as a writer, need to fix before posting. I only begged you to change for your own betterment.

Unfortunately, I doubt you'll try to improve and will simply cut my losses. Have a good night. If you ever wish to improve, whether or not you changed your mind, feel free to PM me. I doubt I'll respond here again, but you might surprise me.

8760039
By the way, what you're doing in this comment is explicitly banned on this site. You agreed to that when you signed up. Just a FYI.

8760101
There you go again. You can't refute what he actually said, so you resort to pointing out a mistake with his grammar/spelling/sentence structure, in the hopes that it'd deflect attention from that fact. And you even managed to throw in another thinly veiled blatant insult. Bravo. (insert sarcastic golf-clap here)

8760111
What, joking? Because that's what he was doing. Then again, I think by now we've already established that we have different opinions as to what constitutes as a harmless joke, serious opinion/statement, or snarky insult.

The "Vladimir Russovitch" comment? That was the latter. And as for the the non-English comment you were replying to, that was a statement. It was basically him calling you out on doing exactly what I said above. Specifically; you said that the only thing Canada deserved was a nuclear holocaust, he said that that was uncalled for, and you deflected by nitpicking his comment's terminology.

8758647
Im still on my prologue of my store because I don't know how to put my mind to words.
8760039
Your story is really good look for those who are reacting positive to your story not the negative they problem just go to different story's and just like to be mean.

8761261
Thank you that would be generous of you

Yo this looks awesome for real
Plz take off the hiatus and get back to writing this story been looking for something like this
Well Done Author

You said that one of the OC's used is Fausticorn, but I think that she no longer counts as one.