"You really need to tone down your dark humor."
"Sorry." Scarlet put her mask back on and squelched the last of her giggles. "That was pretty funny though."
"Maybe a little." Bones admitted. "But it wasn't worth it." He nudged the fallen Twilight a few times, attempting to wake her.
"I didn't know she was going to faint like that." Scarlet said defensively. "Besides, she's going to have to learn to handle these things anyway."
"I would have preferred a more gradual introduction." Bones muttered. "We should probably move her."
"Why? Whats wrong with the floor? It's not like she can tell if she's comfortable or not." Scarlet kicked one of Twilight's hooves lightly, proving her point.
Bones rolled his eyes. "In the interest of courtesy I think we should move her someplace more dignified." He wondered if Scarlet was really so disconnected that she had completely forgotten the concept of manners. There was another explanation, but Bones valued his hide too much to risk voicing it. "Perhaps in your room?" He suggested.
"What?" Her voice shot up an octave.
"Well you have the only bed in here." He shrugged. "Seems only logical to put her there." Bones used the word 'logical' very deliberately, if Scarlet protested she would only make herself look petty and irrational.
Scarlet's eyes flared slightly. She knew exactly what he had just done, and was probably going to make him pay for it at some point. "Very well, in my room then." Her tone sounded a little dangerous.
Bones grinned. "Thank you, that's very kind." He lifted Twilight up and draped her over his back, wincing a little as his still sore legs protested. He slowly began making his way towards Scarlet's room, doing his best to ignore the pressure Twilight's weight was putting on the large hoof shaped bruise on his back. He could feel Scarlet's eyes on him the entire way.
Scarlet's room looked exactly like what you might expect a studious sorceress's room to look like. She had really taken to the candle aesthetic, and her room was full of them. Bones disliked the fire hazard, but had to admit it gave everything a very pleasant warm glow. The room was not particularly spacious, and appeared even less so because of the mess and clutter. There was a writing desk that took up an entire wall, a bookcase with Scarlet's personal collection in it, and the bed. The bed itself was a bit superfluous considered Scarlet had no need for sleep, but it was carved into the stone of the room itself, so it wasn't really something they could remove. She had taken to piling books and supplies on it when she wasn't using them. Bones grunted and weaved his way through the fallen papers and stacks of books to Scarlet's bed. He carefully moved the items off the bed and piled them neatly on the writing desk, revealing the rather luxurious red bedding that was beneath them. Bones levitated Twilight off his back and placed her onto the bed, curling one of the blankets over her for good measure. It was quite cold in there, and Bones dimly wished he had his cloak again.
"You going to read her a story too?" Scarlet said snidely, watching him while she leaned against the door frame.
Bones had brought this on himself, but he was starting to get irritated at Scarlet's teasing. "I don't think she would enjoy your romance novels."
Scarlet looked thoughtful and tapped a hoof against her chin. "You never know, she might."
Bones gave her an incredulous look and made his way into the main chamber again, he had a book about ghouls to finish.
---
Walking back to his bedchamber at night was usually something Bones enjoyed. Occasionally he even stopped to do some stargazing when he was still in the gardens. Tonight though, he just wanted to get some sleep. His body ached and he was a little worried about leaving Scarlet alone with Twilight. He knew Scarlet would never actually do anything to harm her, but she was always mischievous. As he wandered into the darkened castle Bones thought about how he would explain the situation with Luna to Celestia during the debriefing. Making any kind of accusation would be a bad move, and arousing Luna's ire was the last thing he wanted to happen if word of what he said ever reached her. He decided to just describe what happened, and offer no opinions on the matter. It was probably the safest way of going about it other than just keeping his mouth shut.
Most of the ponies in the castle were either asleep or staying in their chambers. He passed the occasional guard, but aside from a nod or polite greeting they seemed to be either too focused on their duty or at staying awake to offer any conversation, for which Bones was silently thankful. When he neared the stairwell that lead up to the floor where his room was though; he heard hushed voices around a corner to his left.
Eavesdropping is not something he normally did, especially since he found most conversations in Canterlot to be vapid and boring. However something about all the events of the past few days compounded with his paranoia, and he paused, his ears perking up slightly.
"We've been here for months already, how much longer is this going to take?" The voice was very distinctly male.
"Oh quit complaining, its not that bad." This one seemed familiar, and feminine.
"Easy for you to say, you know what I do all day? Nothing. Nothing at all, I just stand here."
"You'll forgive me if I don't feel sorry for you. Just be patient."
"Fine."
"Fine then." The sound of hoofsteps let Bones know that the conversation was over.
What in Equestria was that about? It sounded innocent enough, but their tones were way too serious to be considered normal conversation. What could-?
No. He severed his line of thinking before it got out of control. It had been a long day, and he was jumping to conclusions. They were probably just a dissatisfied couple looking for something more, that wasn't an uncommon thing in Canterlot. It wasn't any of his business anyway. He needed to rest, before he started seeing conspiracies in paintings or something. He started making his way up the stairs, following the tantalizing call of his bedsheets.
---
When Bones entered The Archive the following morning, he was greeted with an interesting sight. Scarlet was completely undressed, and was standing utterly stock-still as Twilight examined her with apparent great interest. Bones had made many modifications to Scarlet's skeleton over the years, and the result was a rather interesting mix of leather straps, hinges, and metal plates that worked in unison to hold her together without magical aid. He had even added a few armor plates in strategic spots along her body to make clothing drape along her form more naturally, as well as provide protection. The largest of these was a steel breastplate that he had fastened to her ribcage. Parts of Scarlet's original mane had been tied to strategic places along her spine and tailbone for aesthetic and sentimental reasons. Bones had done his best to make it appear natural, with moderate success. The hair was old and difficult to groom without breaking the fragile strands. The cannon bone of her right foreleg had been replaced three times, and was noticeably different color than the rest of her skeleton. It had long since gained a reputation for being unlucky, and they had both considered adding an armor plate to it. Scarlet had eventually declined, claiming that it was 'temping fate'. Whatever that was supposed to mean.
Twilight noticed him come in and looked up, smiling. "Hello Bones! Scarlet tells me you're the one who did this?"
Bones wasn't quite sure how to answer that question. Did she mean the modifications to Scarlet? Or did she mean raising her from the dead? He didn't want Twilight to get the impression that he had killed Scarlet or something. "I made the alterations to her skeleton, yes."
"It's very impressive, if not a bit ramshackle. You must have a very extensive understanding of pony anatomy, or at least the skeletal structure." She sounded sincere, even a little envious.
"I'm going to ignore the fact that you just called me 'ramshackle'." Scarlet said, though there was humor in her voice.
Bones suppressed a swell of pride, and walked over to where the pair were standing. He decided to follow Scarlet's lead and not take the ramshackle comment personally, it wasn't entirely untrue after all. "It's an ongoing process. I apply preservatives regularly, and we replace parts and bones as needed, so it ends up a little random looking at times. I'm impressed you managed to get Scarlet to cooperate like this though, you should show me your secret." He smiled at Scarlet, who's grinning skull leered at him.
"Please Bones. You're talking to a pony who deals with Pinkie Pie on a daily basis. Scarlet is very reasonable if you just listen to her." Twilight said, returning to her study of the joints on Scarlet's hind legs.
"Well, cant argue with that first part." Bones conceded, and before either of them could say anything he continued. "So, I assume you haven't changed your mind about learning what we do?"
"Yes, I'm especially interested in how you achieved this." Twilight gestured to Scarlet "Speaking of which, where do you get bone replacements?" She regarded the ill-fated cannon bone.
That question caught Bones off guard, and he and Scarlet exchanged a meaningful look for a moment before he cleared his throat. "We don't rob graves if that's what you're wondering, but lets focus on something a little more basic for now, alright?"
Twilight nodded, but noted the deflection. "That's a relief, so what did you have in mind?"
Bones pondered that for a second. "Well, how about we teach you to shield yourself from curses? That's probably a good place to start."
She tilted her head a little "Is that different from a normal shield? Because I can already do that, quite well I might add."
Bones smiled at her "I'm sure you can, and the standard shield is very useful in most situations, but it usually only protects you from physical harm. Contrary to what you might be aware of, there are many, many different kinds of shields. Scarlet here has refined the art of making magical shields down to almost an art form. Why don't you explain shield charms to her?" He spoke that last sentence directly to Scarlet, who seemed to stand up straighter as Twilight turned her attention to her.
"Well." She began "Standard shields require sustained concentration and power." Her horn began to glow as a bright red translucent shield encased her with an electric crackle. "Shield charms on the other hoof, are one time deals. You program the power required, and it stays dormant until activated by whatever you programed it to protect you from." She let the standard shield fade, and replaced it with what appeared to be floating black strips of unintelligible text that flowed from her horn and began slowly circling her. "The shield charm usually looks very different depending on what it protects from. This one is designed to protect me from curses directly targeting me, and at least give me warning against things indirect ones like entropy curses."
She looked at Twilight to make sure she was getting everything, but needn't have worried. Twilight had apparently produced a notepad and quill from somewhere and was taking notes feverishly.
Scarlet began speaking more confidently "They require less power than standard shields, but are more complex in their formation. Once you get the hang of it though, you can get really creative and design your own. I've made shields that protect against heat, cold, gas, you name it."
Twilight nearly gaped at that. "That sounds absolutely amazing. How do I get started?"
Scarlet giggled, which was mildly disconcerting coming from an animated skeleton. "Tell you what, let me get dressed, and I'll show you. Okay?"
Bones watched as Scarlet began wrapping herself up again, and smiled faintly when Twilight began bombarding her with questions. They seemed to be getting along much better than he expected. He looked around, and noticed that the place hadn't been cleaned since yesterday, and there were piles of books laying about on a few of the tables. He figured he had a few hours before the briefing, and Scarlet seemed to be handling Twilight pretty well.
"Scarlet, do you need any of these books right now?" He asked, shuffling through a couple of them, sorting them subconsciously as he tried to remember where each book went.
"I don't think so. I'll probably need that book that describes shield charms though." She said.
"Is it out here?"
"No, It's still on the shelves somewhere."
With that, Bones began cleaning up. Sorting books was tedious, but soothing in its methodical familiarity. It also passed the time pretty well. It always awed him a little when he fully comprehended how much Scarlet read. She had probably surpassed him on most subjects by now, and when it came to memory she was completely unparalleled. Though her nearly photographic memory was mostly attributed to her not having to rely on the fallibility of a physical brain. Bones envied her a little. He thought about all the time he had wasted in his life just sleeping, and imagined what he could do with it if he got it all back. So many possibilities.
By the time he had finished sorting the mess of books and filed them all away, Twilight was already attempting some rudimentary shield charms. She and Scarlet had moved a few of the tables, creating room enough for them to practice. Bones seated himself between two bookcases off to one side and observed.
"Okay. I want you to try that again, but stop concentrating as soon as the spell is complete. Remember this isn't a standard shield we're making." Scarlet was sitting on the floor, watching Twilight's progress.
"Alright, here goes." Twilight closed her eyes and adopted a focused expression. Her horn shone softly, sparked, and wavered as a small stream of floating black text flowed from it. It was nearly identical to the shield charm Scarlet had performed earlier, but the text was appeared much more fluid, and it glowed purple near the edges. Twilight beamed when she opened her eyes.
Scarlet clapped her front hooves together. "Excellent!" She stood up and approached to admire the purple unicorns handiwork. "It looks solid enough, but there's really only one way to see if it works or not."
Twilight looked apprehensive "You mean you want to try laying a curse on me? isn't that dangerous?"
Scarlet shook her head. "It doesn't have to be, depends on the severity of the curse. I know one that just gives you a runny nose for an afternoon. Would you be alright with me trying that?" She quirked her head quizzically.
Bones frowned as Twilight nodded. He could distinctly remember spontaneously acquiring a runny nose many times in the past, and all of them conveniently after he had annoyed Scarlet in some way. He would have to remember to have a chat with Scarlet about that.
Scarlet took a few steps back from Twilight and began focusing power into her horn, which glowed a dull red. She concentrated for a moment, then let the energy loose. What looked like smoke slowly rose from her horn, and dissipated into the air.
There was silence for several seconds before Twilight spoke up. "Did it wo-" but she was abruptly cut off as the black text around her spun furiously, coalescing into a wall of script facing in the direction of Scarlet. The wall glowed brightly for a moment, then crumbled away, disintegrating into nothingness. After another hesitation, Twilight repeated her query. "Did it work?"
Scarlet nodded. "It did, well done. That's the thing about curses, you cant see them coming. Also remember each shield charm has only one charge, but you can have up to seven shield charms active at once." She sat down again, rolling one of her shoulders.
"Why seven?" Twilight inquired, taking a seat as well.
Scarlet shrugged "No idea, but the whole amalgamation collapses if you try to add an eighth. Also keep in mind it gets progressively harder to cast shield charms the more you have active."
"I've only ever been able to cast six" Bones interjected. "Don't expect to be able to put up a bunch of them at once if you're distracted."
"Understood." Twilight was writing notes again, but she paused as something occurred to her. "Why isn't this sort of thing common knowledge? It seems like it would be pretty useful for everypony to know this shield stuff."
"Mostly because it was invented by sorcerers to defend against other sorcerers" Bones said. "The book we learned about shield charms from is full of other nasty stuff, we've considering writing a separate book just on shields and giving it to the public." He glanced at Scarlet. "We haven't gotten around to it yet."
"Oh." Twilight said, dejectedly.
"By the way, you do know you're not allowed to tell anypony about what you see and learn here, right?"
"Yes, of course. The princess made that very clear to me yesterday."
"Good. Speaking of the princess." Bones stood up. "I have to go meet with her now, I should be back in an hour or so."
"Before you go." Twilight said. "Would it be alright if I went to find something to eat?" She asked, a weak smile on her face.
Bones blinked "Oh, right. I'm sorry, I would have brought some food for you, but I'm so used to having just Scarlet here." He shook his head. "Yeah, you don't need my permission, Celestia said you can come and go as you please. Take Scarlet with you if you want."
"Oh glee!" Scarlet gushed. "I can come right? I have this thing where I cant go out without an escort. So I don't really get to go that often. Especially during the day."
Twilight stared at her "You're not allowed outside without an escort? Why's that?"
Scarlet visibly sagged "It's sorta a long story that has to do with Liches and death, destruction and all that."
"Wha-?" Twilight was just confused now.
"Oh, and Scarlet? If you get back before me, you're welcome to keep teaching her things. You seem to be pretty good at it. Just keep her away from the restricted section." Bones began walking towards The Archives garden exit.
"Wait, your restricted library that is accessed through the restricted section of the normal library has a restricted section?" Twilight laughed.
Bones's voice took on a serious aspect. "You can laugh, but our restricted section is restricted for a very good reason. The books there can and will kill you if you handle them improperly."
Twilight stopped laughing, fixing him with searching stare.
Bones continued. "Or possess you, or turn you into a monster, or transport you to another reality, or-"
"I think she gets it." Scarlet interrupted.
"Just making sure she understands sneaking in there is a very bad idea." Bones fixed Scarlet with a piercing look.
"Hey, I was young and stupid when I did that." Scarlet said defensively.
Bones grinned. "We both were. Now you two try to have some fun. Especially you Scarlet, I know how you get when you're stuck in here too long." He kept his tone friendly, but inwardly shivered at some of the pranks Scarlet had pulled in the past when she got bored. She had been outside much more often than usual recently though, so he didn't worry too much.
Time to meet the princess.
Some marvelous anonymous drawfriend drew Scarlet for me!
i45.tinypic.com/13ykih.jpg
I don't see how Bones is a Gary Stu, though you know things about the character that you haven't published yet. Especially after he admitted that Scarlet has likely surpassed him in knowledge at this point. Also, considering that even with their extensive knowledge of restricted magics, there are seemingly many things that pose a serious threat to Scarlet and Bones, I would greatly hesitate to label either of them Gary/Mary Stu's. I also don't think that Scarlet's annoying, although that is certainly subjective. Her mischievous and off-beat personality makes sense for someone who isn't alive; gives one a different perspective.
It's the double-secret restricted section!
Bones being sueish is possible it seems early enough that one can't be certain. He did consider wiping the mind of Twilight so he has that going for him. Don't find Scarlet irritating at all.
When this fic updates, my day is instantly amazing. No joke.
Not getting the Gary Stu feeling either. Though the more I think about it, the more I notice a lack of character flaws. That could just as easily be sacrifice of character development for the sake of the plot as it could be a lack of actual flaws.
Of course, resurrecting Scarlet showed a tasty little flaw. More?
I love Scarlet's personality. I agree with Taxus on her.
I love this fic. Hands down its my absolute favorite on this site. If you discontinue it, well... don't.
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I definitely wont be discontinuing it as long as people are reading it. I have plans for where this thing is going. Next time I get in the mood to write I'll probably be fixing some errors and inconsistencies in previous chapters though.
You have something good going here. It's well written, has likeable characters, and an excellent mix of morbidity and humor that's hard to find in any fanfic. My advice is to keep it up! I promise, if we the readership don't like something, we will let you know.
Bones might be a touch underdeveloped, but I receive NO Gary Stu vibes from him. I once read a fanfic where the OC, a human who dies and becomes a pony in rebirth, rivals Twilight (Who has been studying for years) in magical ability after maybe a few weeks of training, impresses Applejack with his cooking, has Applejack FALL IN LOVE with him after like, a chapter, and amazes Rarity with his violin playing…even though he hasn’t played in years and has to compensate for different appendages, and Rarity can see why Applejack fell for him. He hadn’t even met Pinkie, Rainbow, or Fluttershy by that point.
THAT, good sir, is a Gary Stu, which is why I unsubscribed. I’m generally pretty lenient about that sort of thing, and I was disgusted by the OC being just a little too good at everything while having no flaws whatsoever
People throw the terms “Mary Sue” and Gary/Marty Stu” around WAY too easily, forgetting that original characters aren’t that easy to do well, and should be more lenient. Bones has been failing to talk properly, getting both Twilight and Scarlet annoyed with him, and accidentally insulted the guards. I’d say his brain blanking out on him and his occasional lack of tact prove he’s not perfect, and therefore is an unlikely candidate for a Gary Stu. Yes, he could stand a bit more development, but a Stu he is NOT.
Personally, I like Scarlet, her grim sense of humor clashes slightly with what seems to be a good nature, so I’m enjoying her.
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Thanks a ton for that post.
Any advice on how to develop Bones a little more? I've noticed he feels a bit generic.
ah, so that's where this story disappeared to!
It was hiding in the "mature" section.
I was wondering why this story wasn't updating or anything so wanted to do a slight check and couldn't find it in my favorites or anywhere else, then I had the idea of switching my filter off and I found it!
I guess it was the intestinal "spaghetti pony" that forced this under mature?...
I guess that's fair was kinda gory.... but now I sing for her!
Spaghetti horse!
I weep for you,
Spaghetti horse!
its all I can do
Spaghetti horse!
Your body was fallin' apart
He stuck his horn in your heart!
SPAGHETTI HORSE!
SPAGHETTI HORSE!
spaghetti cat
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God dammit I laughed way harder than I should have.
And yeah, was forced to put this under mature.
Here is why Bones is not a sue. Comparison. Compared to most unicorns yes, he is a sue. However I see this like Men In Black. Your guns are frikken huge, but so are the monsters. You have a reason Twilight is behind Bones in terms of usefulness, he is older and more experienced but likely more frail, however you also made Twi more powerful. Luna, and presumably Celestia, have access to magic Bones can't comprehend.
In terms of developing bones I would like to point something out you are doing right. Bones always feels cold, and it affects him more. The implied reasoning is fascinating but I am not going to spoil it here for others. You know what I am talking about Dagon . This gives a host of development options including a possible arbitrary limit to the amount of magic he can exert. One recommendation is for there to be some area in his field of study where he is lacking. It seems he has not teleported so this could be one area where he has Twilight help him, and he might still not be very good.
I would like to say Scarlet actually seems more of a Mary Sue. She is near indestructible, though she gets damaged a lot. Does not have to sleep and thus spends all of her time studying. She could theoretically absorb a forest and be the most powerful pony next to the princesses. Her shielding is hella strong. The only current drawback I see is her place in society/prejudice. Bones is even somewhat afraid of her, or at least that is what I gather (not the imminate danger fear, but the kind of fear one might have of someone whom you place your trust in, like a significant other and a fear of rejection). She does not need to breath or eat, or so on. And she can think fast in a split second. She is also a better diplomat than the other characters in the story so far.
Basically you have Han Solo (Bones) and Chewie (Scarlet) but Chewie is as good with a blaster, better with diplomacy, and has the force. So be careful here. I do find the Sue-esk character being dead, sorry undead, rather comical however. Maybe make her lacking in offensive diversity or something. The maintenance is a good angel and makes her weak in some ways but then she would just exert her will instead.
As to your comment about being true to existing characters I think you are spot on, especially with Sweetie Bell. Maybe her complete freakout was a bit over the top but this is MLP so that is par for the course. AJ and Rarity were possesed so that does not count really. Twilight is quite accurate to the show, though being more of a side character does skew the perception.
Maybe this was what you were talking about. Making her the side character makes Bones seem more important in the whole MLP universe. This can also make Bones seem a bit Gary Sue-ish because the princess goes to him and not Twilight. You just want to be careful and not make Twilight into a Mary Sue by accident, or make her dumb/derp to much or to strong from inexperience to counteract her would be Mary Sue.
Anyway I love this fic. If you want I could go and give it a basic edit. Or you could go to the group Proofreaders and People willing to proof-read and look/request a editor.
its like the fuckin chamber of seacrets!
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Scarlet is actually embodying the very concept of what she is.
She's always locked in that room, doesn't need to sleep (for obvious reasons), and wouldn't logically be destructible. The whole point of her type of undead is to maximize survivability and functional duration. By not needing to sleep, the entity could continue to work and learn without end, thus logically placing them above others in terms of certain practical skills. She has her own field of specialty but is able to easily work beyond it due to the combination of those simple factors.
This also VERY effectively shows just how terrifying these dark magics can be. If you're willing to pay the price, you can gain access to abilities that place you leagues above almost everyone else. In fact, we haven't even glimpsed HALF the terrifying capabilities of dark magic.
Delayed curses that are coded to wait for minutes to millenias before activating, turning everyone in fifty feet into mutated zombies.
Insta-kill curses that in one way or another halt the function of a vital organ.
Traps that can summon literal fiends and eldritch horrors with any number of triggers.
Runes that can alter your very perception of the world due to subtle emotional manipulation, heightening a negative emotion slowly yet steadily until you naturally accept and pursue thoughts you normally never would.
A memory spell that specifically flips certain events from your past within milliseconds, turning a happy person into a jaded mass murderer by falsifying the reason behind a loved one's death, all while preventing conscious knowledge of the change and denying attempts to explain otherwise.
These things are a mere few steps away from those two at any time of the day. Scarlet's abilities are perfectly within the scope of what she is, which makes her even less of a Sue given the fact that she is simply taking advantage of what she is. Her decision-making can occasionally be rash, she misspeaks and makes assumptions, and she can go too far with pranks or jokes. She also has insecurities and fears, which isn't something most Sues would have.
If she was a true sue, she would be able to surpass Luna or Celestia despite the ludicrous age gap, or she would be able to move and act on her own without an escort despite whatever history she has. She has a very clear specialty, knows it, and works around it best she can instead of just being able to do whatever, whenever it's necessary and perfectly to nearly so.