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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Interesting but you took so long.
9842552
Sometimes you need to take as much time as possible to come up with a chapter. And a badass one at that
Right! Only just took a look at this story after seeing it in the featured box and I already spy errors in the description, which isn’t a good sign of the quality within.
Whisked, not whilst, unless it also works like that.
At, not that.
Even fixing those errors, the whole grammar of the description is a bit off. It doesn’t flow very well and I found myself having to re read certain parts of it cause I kept misreading things.
As said, it’s not a good sign of the quality of the story as a whole.
I’m also hoping this story doesn’t go down the track of other Displaced. I know that as a Displaced fic certain things are expected to happen, but I find far too many stories try to do things too quickly. Things like Tokens and crossovers. I’ve seen far too many Displaced fics fall flat because they introduce the idea of tokens too early, or they try to do crossovers too early or too much. It leads to the story being filled with other bits of lore from other stories that confuses things, while the character learns things that makes them very powerful early on, becoming Deus Ex Machina’s and rendering current antagonists useless or pointless.
Let’s just say I see few Displaced stories that I can say are good. Not complaining about Displaced in general, just saying that people try to throw it all in at once,
Edit:
Big oops! I totally missed the Anthro tag! Super sorry, but I don’t really like anthro and don’t really read anthro tagged stories.
Just putting this edit here to say that. I do want to go on and say that this is still a cool idea, DOOM is a franchise that isn’t really seen much in MLP fanfics from what I’ve seen. Kinda understandable given it’s gory, action-packed nature but still.
I really am hoping the quality of this story improves, and I highly recommend that you go back through the story and edit it to bring it up to a good standard, no offence intended.
The description of the story needs to be of a good quality to catch the reader’s attention, and the first few chapters are important to have at a good quality to keep that attention. That’s not to say the quality of the other chapters don’t matter, its just that you’re more likely to have a reader ignore mistakes in later chapters than you are to have one ignore mistakes in the first few chapters.
I’d say look into getting an editor if you can. Someone to look over your writing is really helpful, an outside perspective is important. I know from experience that editing your own story can be extremely difficult. I’ve had to go over the same chapter 5 times and I still find mistakes. Hell, the latest mistake I’ve found requires me to rewrite basically the entire chapter, almost 7k words.
So, yeah, that’s my advice.
Also, congratulations on getting featured
9842552
Sorry about that, had a lot of things to do irl.
9842968
Understood.
orders reseaved and understood brother