Pawns

by Corah Il Cappo

The Opening Move

The day was drawing to a close. Celestia's sun had begun to sink below the horizon, painting the sky a brilliant red. Beneath the crimson sky stretched a sea of golden sand, its dunes appearing like waves in the fading daylight. It was just another beautiful sunset over the Gelding Expanse. However, the charm of the scene was lost on Celestia as she glided over the desert.

Her student, Estella, had gone missing earlier that day. Estella was her brightest pupil, a unicorn who had devoted her life to learning the art of magic from the Princess. She may not have been an Alicorn, but she showed tremendous skill, mastering the basic level spells with ease. Celestia had suggested she be sent to Magic College in Canterlot, but Estella insisted that she be trained by Celestia herself. The young mare was brash, headstrong, and unstable, but beneath her attitude, there was untapped potential. It was this inner skill that Celestia saw shining through her. With the right amount of training, and perhaps a bit of attitude adjustment, she felt she could turn Estella into something great.

But all that had changed this morning, when Estella went missing. Canterlot had been searched, but she was no where to be found. The rest of the day had been a nonstop sweep of Equestria, scanning every nook and cranny where she might be hidden, but to no avail. The only place that had not been checked yet was the Gelding Expanse. For any normal pony, such a mission was suicide. The desert sands easily confused travelers, causing them to lose their way among the dunes. Once they had been disoriented, the lost ponies would quickly succumb to hunger and thirst. Those who managed to survive scarcity of food and water faced blazing temperatures during the day, which dropped to below zero at night. It was as if the terrain yearned for the death of those who walked it. But Celestia was determined to get her prize pupil back, no matter the cost.

Celestia gave her massive wings a gentle flap. There was only one good thing about this wasteland; it provided a good updraft. Her eyes scanned the ground below, trying to spot a sign of Estella. At this point, she was looking for anything to break the monotonous stretch of amber sand. The past three hours of searching had yielded nothing, and the Princesses eyes were beginning to grow weary. She spotted a flash of movement out of the corner of her eye as she sped through the cloudless air. There, standing amid the dunes, was a single pony. It had stopped moving, and seemed to be staring up at her as she flew past. Celestia decided that this was worth investigating, and began a slow, steady descent to the earth below.

The Princess beat her wings, kicking up a small cloud of dust as she touched down. Now that she had closed the distance, she took a better look at the pony she had spotted. The broad shoulders and short muzzle made it clear that it was a male. His coat and wings were an earthy brown, complimenting a long, flowing mane of rusty red ether. Celestia also spied an image of two sand dunes upon his flank. Her gaze were drawn to his head, where she noticed that the top of his skull was graced with a horn. This was no ordinary pony; he was an alicorn. Not only that, he was an alicorn she knew. Celestia looked into his eyes. They appeared empty, unmoving, and devoid of emotion...they looked dead. Her scrutiny was suddenly interrupted as the alicorn spoke.

“Why hello there Celestia.” He said in a calm monotone. “What brings you to my humble domain?”

“Cut the smalltalk, Sand Shrine.” Celestia replied curtly, “I have business to discuss.”

“Please, I insist, I'd be a terrible host to simply rush into business like that. If there were any water in this wasteland I'd get you a drink. Of course, there is none. Never was, never will be.”

“Shut up.” Celestia spat, “I'm not in the mood to hear you complain.”

“My apologies, Princess.” Sand Shrine's voice dripped with spite as he spoke her title. “How may I be of service?”

“A student of mine went missing this morning. Her name was Estella. I presume you've heard of her?”

“Your students are no business of mine. Besides, I haven't been to Canterlot in ages. Not since I was banished to this desert in the north.”

“You weren't banished, Shrine.” The Princess swallowed her inner rage at his refusal to cooperate. “I ceded the entire northern area of Equestria from my rule and granted it to you.”

“You ceded me a burning wasteland!” Sand shouted, “You gave me the land that was dry and barren, while keeping the cream of the crop for yourself!”

“I gave you the desert as a reward! I didn't have to give you anything!”

“Give me nothing? You seem to forget what I did in the war. While you and Luna were busy rallying troops in Canterlot, I went into the Expanse alone. I had driven every last Draconequus from the desert within a month. You yourself asked me if I needed any soldiers to aid me, and what did I say?”

“I...I don't remember.”

“Don't you dare lie to me! You know exactly what I said!”

Celestia sighed. She did know. The scene was etched into her mind as clear as day.

“You said, 'Keep the soldiers. Canterlot needs them more than I do.'” Celestia said quietly.

“I was willing to sacrifice for the greater good, and what did I get in return?” Sand continued, his voice and temper flaring. “I got the same desert that I spent months trying to clean. All I wanted afterwards was to go home. I expected a hero's welcome when I returned to Canterlot. Instead, I was ignored. Nopony knew me. Oh, they knew the names of Celestia and Luna, but Sand Shrine?”

He snorted with contempt, then went on.

“I knew were I wasn't wanted, and asked for my own section of Equestria, nothing too large, just my own small kingdom, and what did I get? I got an ocean of burning sand. But life in Canterlot went on. I hear you took up a new hobby. Teaching magic to a new protégé , wasn't it?”

“Tell me where Estella is.” Celestia's voice was low as she took a step towards Sand. He merely stared back at her through unwavering eyes. “Tell me where Estella is, now.”

Still no answer.

There was a sudden flash of light as Celestia's horn lit up. Sand Shrine was nearly blinded by the glare, and staggered backwards, holding a hoof in front of his face to shield his eyes. He shut his eyes tight, yet still the shafts of brilliant sunlight burned his pupils. The blaze finally subsided, and Sand opened his eyelids. For a moment, all he could see were spots, but these were quick to fade. He felt a searing heat at the base of his neck.

Sand Shrine looked down, and saw a sword of sunlight pointed at his throat. Unlike the average pony blade forged from iron, steel, or bronze, this one was made from light itself. It pulsed and ebbed as the princess held it in place, almost as if it had a life and mind of its own. He could feel beads of sweat beginning to form on his face, not out of fear, but from the intense heat that the blade gave off. His eyes narrowed as he gazed in silent awe at the power of the weapon.

Celestia's horn glowed as she leveled her blade at Shrine's jugular. She searched his eyes, trying desperately to pick out an emotion, but there was none. It was as if she were staring into the cold, lifeless eyes of a corpse. She did her best to swallow her disgust and keep her voice calm yet firm.

“Where is my student.” Celestia spoke through clenched teeth. She inched the sword closer to her opponent, bringing the edge to rest against the alicorn's flesh. “Tell me, or I swear I will kill you where you stand.”

“Ah yes.” Sand Shrine said in an unimpressed tone, “Daybreak. The legendary sword of the Solar Princess. Rumor has it that Daybreak burns hot enough to cauterize any wound it leaves, and is sharp enough to cleave through a draconequus in a single swipe. Now you would turn that sort of raw power on me? And what have I done to deserve such treatment? You act like I...”

“Shut up!” Celestia screamed, her blade flaring with her temper, “Tell me where Estella is, or I'll slash your head clean off!”

Sand only stared back.

“Talk!” The princess pulled her sword back and prepared to strike. However, just before she swung, her adversary spoke up.

“You want her?” Sand Shrine said as his horn lit up with an amber gleam. “You can have her.”

The sand on his left began to churn at his command. From beneath the surface of the desert, he dragged the body of an unfortunate pony. Celestia recognized it well. It was Estella. Around her mouth was a ring of dried blood, and the same reddish brown crust could be seen dotting other sections of her face. Her mane was a tangled mess of black hair, and was saturated with fine white sand. Estella's sunny yellow coat was the same way, filthy and splattered with crimson blood. Embedded in the unicorn's spine were numerous shards of glass, which had ripped and torn through the flesh, leaving wide, jagged gashes in their wake.

Celestia knelt down beside the corpse of her student, hot tears streaming down her cheeks. Estella had shown such potential. She could have been one of the next great spellcasters. worthy of recording in the history books, but now... Now she would never have the chance. Sand Shrine had taken that chance away from her. What had Estella ever done to him anyways? She had no quarrel with him, in fact, they had never even met! Shrine had simply killed her. Without any provocation, he had murdered an innocent mare.

“You coward.” The princess whispered, wiping the salty tears from her face with the back of her foreleg. “You're nothing but a coward and a demon, and you know it! You didn't dare come after me, so you went after my student! That was the biggest mistake you could have made Sand Shrine, because now I'm here, and now I'm going to end you for this!”

Before Shrine could speak another word, Celestia had whipped her blade around, striking a powerful blow to the desert alicorn's neck. The attack was perfectly fluid. She had used it countless times when facing Discord's draconequus army. It was a simple maneuver, but an effective one. Daybreak would easily cut through the flesh, muscle, and bone, then finally sever the spinal cord, killing the target instantly.

As the sword arced towards him, Sand Shrine still remained calm and unmoving. His horn began to glow, and this same glare spread over his entire body. His spell was cast within the split seconds it took for Daybreak to collide with him. When the blade struck, the alicorn merely dissolved into dust. Celestia looked on in shock as her weapon passed through the loose sand, and her enemy faded into the desert. Her eyes began to dart about, scanning for any sign of movement. From behind her, she heard the unmistakable sound of sand shifting.

“You made a mistake coming here Princess.” Sand Shrine said as his body began to reform. “You're on my turf now. As much as I hate it, the desert is my special talent.”

Celestia turned her sword over and lashed out again, this time putting much more force behind her strike. However, her foe was prepared. He leapt backwards, deftly dodging the blow. The princess followed up with another wild sweep, and again the desert alicorn avoided the blade. Sand Shrine ducked beneath another wild slash, levitated a clump of sand with his magic, and hurled it into the face of his opposition. Celestia staggered back, coughing and spluttering as the dust burned her eyes. With his adversary blinded, Shrine spun around and delivered a powerful buck with his hind legs. His hooves struck Celestia in the chest and sent her sprawling.

The princess rolled across the sand, sliding to a stop at the base of a massive dune. With a groan, she lifted her head. She coughed, and her mouth was filled with the metallic taste of blood. Celestia spat out the crimson liquid, ignoring the thin stream of it that still dribbled from her lips, and rose to her hooves. She refocused her vision on her enemy just in time to dodge the tendril of sand he had launched at her. The solar alicorn spread her wings, took a few quick steps forward, and launched herself into the air. She flew in a straight path towards her opponent, Daybreak trailing close behind her. As she rapidly closed the distance, Shrine fired off two more blasts of sand, which hurtled like missiles towards the incoming alicorn. Celestia rolled upwards to avoid them, striking with her sword as she rocketed past.

Sand Shrine easily sidestepped the slash, magically grabbed two clumps of dust, gave his wings a quick flap, and took off after Celestia. She had always been a much better flier than he was, but he was able to keep pace with her. The two alicorns began to circle one another in midair, soaring higher and higher with each rotation. As he climbed, Shrine formed part of the sand he carried into a long, thin sheet. He began to heat the sand with a second spell, then watched happily as the grains began to melt together into glass. It was such a simple little spell, yet it had always been a favorite of his. On its own, sand didn't make much of a weapon. But as glass it could cut, stab, rend, impale...The possibilities were endless.

Sand Shrine took aim for the princesses wing, hoping he could perhaps sever it and end their aerial duel, and let his projectile fly. Celestia had seen it coming from a mile away, and easily ducked beneath the whistling shard of glass. The solar alicorn's horn began to shine gold, as she readied a spell to strike back with. Now was not the time to attack however. She needed to time this spell perfectly. She heard a now familiar shrieking noise, and turned to see a second glass dagger hurtling towards her. There was no time to dodge, so Celestia quickly whipped her sword around, cleanly cutting through the translucent blade. With her head still turned, the solar alicorn cast a simple fire spell, launching a bolt of flame at her trailing enemy.

Sand Shrine quickly drew all the sand he was carrying in front of him to dissipate the flames. It managed to absorb the force of the spell, but the heat had caused his payload to meld into glass. With a sharp punch from his front hoof, the massive chunk of glass shattered, cracking into thousands of tiny, diamond-like shards that glistened in the sunset. He took off after Celestia, who had begun to create a large gap between them. He quickly closed the distance, but was thrown off when the princess suddenly pulled into a steep climb. He made an abrupt turn, then shot straight upwards, surrounded by a cloud of crystalline projectiles. The desert alicorn began to fire the glass darts like bullets, but his foe was far to agile.

Celestia had become a cream colored blur, dodging with incredible speed as she climbed ever higher into the skies. A loud whistling in the wind caught her ears, and she saw a swarm of tiny glittering shards sailing in her direction. She rolled to the side, avoiding the drove of glass with ease. Now it was her time to act. The princess pulled her wings in close against her body, and began to fall like a rock. Her pursuer skidded to a midair stop, then began to dive after her, launching a torrent of glass missiles as he came.

The ground approached rapidly as Celestia sped earthward. Although her descent only took a few moments, to her it felt like hours. Her mind was running on overdrive as she analyzed her situation. Sand Shrine was a much weaker flier than she, and judging by how roughly he took his turns, did not stop well. However, he had put his full effort into the chase, and now sped towards her with his arsenal of glass. Meanwhile, she had been preparing two spells, one to defend, and one to attack. The sand was now only a few hundred feet away, and closing fast. It was time. With a blinding flash and an earsplitting crack, Celestia vanished. She reappeared a split second later, hovering about a thousand feet above the desert.

Sand Shrine attempted to pull up, but by now it was too late. The princesses teleportation spell had caught him off guard, and now he was paying the price. Shrine hit the ground hard, kicking up a small cloud of sand where he crashed. He skidded and rolled over the desert, every impact sharply rattling his body. At last, he rolled to a stop, landing square on his back looking up at the sky. Amid the brilliant reds and pinks of the sunset floated a single white speck. Celestia.

The solar alicorn wasn't finished yet. Now that the dust had settled, she could see where the murderer had landed. Her eyes narrowed, and her horn flared up with a great golden glare, as she launched her second spell. From the tip of her horn came a concentrated beam of pure white sunlight, which shot earthward, and collided with the sand below in an explosion of light and dust. Celestia smiled at her handiwork. There was no way he could have survived that. The sunbolt was one of her strongest spells, and Sand Shrine had just taken it full force. She had done it. She had avenged Estella.

The princess' thoughts were cut short as she felt a sharp tug on her hind leg. She turned, and saw a thick tendril of sand wrapping itself around her hoof. Before she had time to react, the tentacle had clamped down and began to drag her downwards at an incredible speed. Celestia thrashed violently, trying to break the viselike grip of the sand, but to no avail. She slammed wings first into the desert, with a loud thud. Celestia swore that she heard an audible crack as he left wing was crushed beneath her body, sending shockwaves of terrific pain screaming through her veins. Her vision blurred and her ears rang as she slowly rolled over onto her stomach. She felt something warm beginning to trickle across her back. She glanced over her shoulder, and what she saw made her cringe. Her wing had been horribly mangled in the crash, with half of it now dangling limply. Blood had begun to spill from the wound, dripping onto her spine and running in thin ribbons down her flank. She grit her teeth, rose to her hooves, and cast her blade once more.

Only a few feet away from where Celestia now stood, Sand Shrine's body began to reform from the dust below. His lips were curved into a smile, yet his eyes were devoid of pleasure. The desert alicorn's horn ignited, and he cast a spell to bring his own sword into existence. His sword was a long, cylindrical shaft of glass, which tapered off into a sharpened point. The weapon glowed with a rust red aura, much like the ether of its wielder's mane. It's name was Negrev. The very name of the blade was enough to send chills down the spine of anypony who had lived through the war with the draconequus. Celestia had, and she remembered it well. She had long tried to suppress those memories, but they persisted nonetheless.

“You see princess,” Shrine said in his cold monotone. “The desert and I are one in the same. You cannot kill the desert, and you cannot kill me.”

“And you can't kill the sun.” Celestia replied curtly. Without another word, she attacked, swinging her blade in a downward arc, fully intent on splitting his skull. Before she could however, her sword was blocked by that of her enemy. She was shocked. No weapon had ever been able to resist Daybreak. Her sword was sunlight, it should have cleaved right through the fragile glass blade. When she looked down at their two swords however, it struck her. The aura of magic around Negrev protected it from damage. The princess cursed under her breath as she disengaged and struck again.

Sand Shrine sidestepped the swipe, countering with a lunge from his own blade. The princess deflected the thrust, took a quick leap back, and launched three blasts of fire from her horn in rapid succession. Her enemy raised a pillar of sand in defense, effectively dissipating her flames. With her foe distracted, Celestia slipped in and charged Shrine from the side, aiming a stab towards his exposed flank. One again, her blow was parried. She began to whirl Daybreak around her head, repeatedly slashing at her opponent with lightning speed, yet the desert alicorn dodged and deflected every attack with ease.

Now it was Sand Shrine's turn to wait. His horn glowed with magic as he engaged in a deadly dance with Celestia's blade, ducking, dodging, and sidestepping each vicious strike. He occasionally threw in a quick feign or a jab with Negrev, if only to fuel the princess' rage. He wanted her to keep going. He wanted her to lash out in rage. The more of her anger she poured into her assault, the more intense it became. But her intensity was to be her downfall. Despite the fact that her fury made her blows stronger and faster, she was losing form. Her attacks were becoming sloppy and predictable. A poorly aimed high slash swept past his face, narrowly missing him. Now it was his time to strike.

At his command, three tendrils of sand rose up around Celestia. She instinctively whipped her blade through the nearest one, but was struck from behind by the other two. She struggled and writhed, but the sand squeezed around her like a python. With his enemy incapacitated, Sand Shrine made his move. He lunged for the princess, blade ready and primed for a quick thrust through the chest.

Celestia only had a split second to react. She cast her fire spell again, but rather than launch it at the charging Alicorn, she cast it back towards herself, wreathing herself in flames. The sand that had surrounded her began to melt into glass, making it far more brittle than it had been. With a powerful kick, she shattered her bonds, just as the blade reached her. Celestia attempted to cast her teleportation spell, but it was too late.

Negrev bit into the flesh of Celestia's shoulder, driving through the skin and muscles like a hot knife through butter. It struck her collarbone, and the glass ground against it like a drill, as if it were attempting to bore a hole straight through the bone. The princess let out a blood curdling shriek, twisted her shoulder from the blade, and fell back upon the sand, panting heavily. Her eyes fluttered, and she fought to maintain consciousness. The edges of her vision had already begun to go black, making it difficult for her to see.

Sand Shrine planted a hoof on the princess' chest, and pointed his blade down at her.

“Estella was the first to fall.” He whispered, “You'll be the second. After you will be your sister.”

He paused, savoring the look of sheer horror that now covered Celestia's face.

“But you won't be the only ones. Oh no. My ambitions are far larger than that. You made the desert my domain Princess, and now I'm going to expand its borders. Inch by inch, city by city, Equestria itself will fall. Her soil and grass shall be smothered beneath the desert sand, until all that remains of them is a distant memory. The entire kingdom will become one massive desert. Everypony will know what it felt like to be trapped here. They'll finally know the meaning of...”

His overly dramatic monologue was interrupted by a loud crack and a flash of light. Celestia had teleported out from beneath his hoof, and now appeared on a dune several hundred yards away. He considered chasing after her, but decided against it. He had more important matters to attend to now. Instead, Shrine simply watched as she teleported again, this time out of his sight. As the princess disappeared into the sea of dunes, the sun finally dipped below the horizon, plunging the desert into night.

*****

Back in Canterlot, Luna stood upon the palace balcony, her deep blue coat and ethereal mane silhouetted against the rising moon. Tonight, the moon was in its crescent phase, her personal favorite. The silvery sliver reached its peak in the heavens, and there it froze. Her horn began to glow with a soft pearly shine, and a moment later, the twinkling stars appeared, dotting the black night with a speckled luminescence. Luna smiled in the dim light, taking in the beauty of the scene. It truly was a shame that everypony was asleep. They were missing such a lovely show.

Luna's horn began to blaze as she put the finishing touches on her night. Just as the dawn was colored with brilliant reds, yellows, and pinks, the night was a symphony of rich blacks and blues. Like an artist at her easel, Luna began to paint the sky with massive sweeps of magic, leaving the horizon dyed with a veritable rainbow of dark hues. With one final stroke, her masterpiece was complete. The silvery light around her horn faded, and she sighed as she admired her work. She could just stare at the scene all night long...

An earsplitting crack suddenly jolted Luna from her thoughts. She knew the sound well, but it still shocked her every time. Her sister had returned from her mission.

“Welcome back Celestia.” Luna said without turning around, “Thou didst not set the sun at the appointed time. Dost thou care to explain?”

There was a weak groan, followed by a muffled thump. Luna turned, and saw her sister sprawled out on the floor, barely conscious. The solar princess' wounds had finally stopped bleeding, but the brownish red dried blood still stained her coat, most heavily on her shoulder and back. Her body was completely still, save for the occasional twitch.

“Celestia!” Luna exclaimed, as she raced to her sisters side. “What happened? Art thou alright?”

Celestia let out a dry cough, then replied. “I've been better.”

“Who hath done this to thee?” Luna said through clenched teeth.

“Sand Shrine.” Celestia's eyes closed, and she finally passed out.

Luna lifted her sister to her shoulder, and carried the unconscious alicorn into her bedroom. She laid Celestia on her bed, quickly exited the room, and headed for the balcony. Now was not the time for her to shed tears over her sisters condition. Now was the time for planning. She leapt from the balcony and glided to the garden below, landing in her special corner just outside the maze. She had come here often, usually when she wanted to get some thinking done. It wasn't anything special really. Only a table and chair set, not even a fancy one. Instead, they were both simple, made from aromatic pine wood. Atop the table sat a chess board, its various metal pieces scattered over the squares.

Luna reset the board, and stared at the pieces. Sand Shrine had made the opening move. Now it was her turn to counter... .

Comments

[-Dragonwing-]

Very good!

[kildeez]

Maybe one or two minor grammatical errors here and there, but besides that, you are a fantastic writer with a ton of potential. The level of detail and the realism of the emotion here are wonderful.

[D5ky]

Pretty good overall. There's just a couple of things I noticed.
Grammatical errors. Nothing major, just a missing apostrophe or two.
Sand Shrine is sick of living in the desert and hates sand. Then why is he planning to fill Equestria with... sand? Wouldn't it be better to leave some portions of the kingdom not a desert if he conquered it, so that he could finally escape from the sand? I know I would.
Luna only uses her royal voice with citizens of Equestria. So if she's talking normally to Celestia, why all of the this and thou stuff? Celestia doesn't use it, so it can't be the normal language.

I do like the story, though. I'm going to read the rest when I've got some time.

[Luminary]

Okay, taking a look at this story as you'd asked in Dark. I'll go chapter by chapter. Will let me get into some finer details, as it sounds like you're hungry for feedback.

First, a useless note:

Gelding Expanse

Ouch. Well. No good place has a name like that.

Let's start with the Bad, to get it out of the way (And because it's easy to criticize anything):

I'm a bit (a lot) leery about the sequence of events that led Celestia to ol' Castration Gulch there. Normally I give the benefit of the doubt, but it prodded at my psyche. They searched all of Equestria in a day? To enough detail that the uncrossable desert was the only possible solution, and not some basement in Canterlot, or behind some rock on the mountainside? C'mon now.

It actually bothered me more when she seemed to assume that the desert was the only place her student could be, when talking to Sand Shrine. That he had to have been the one that took her. To the point where I was hoping it would turn out that her student wasn't there. Just to vindicate my feelings about the absurdity of the claim.

I'm also not sure why Sand Shrine actually stayed in the desert, to the point of going batty, rather than just leaving to go be with ponies. Just because you own some craphole property doesn't mean you have to live in it. I get the feeling that Celestia might have, y'know, spared some shack somewhere for a demigod war hero, if he asked. Then again, maybe not, as it sounds like Celestia was a huge bitch in the past. In theory, I have no problem with that. People can change for the better. Hopefully Sand Shrine's mentality will be explained a bit more as we go.

Speaking of the past. I'm assuming this takes place sometime between stopping Discord the first time and Luna getting banished? You might want to edit in a line somewhere to make that explicit somewhere. I can't be entirely sure, as yet, that it isn't in the future, Post-Twilight (since this was posted up before we knew about Princess Twi). Especially since Luna is the only one talking in Late Middle/Early Modern English, as opposed to everyone.

Also... blarg. Chess reference. I know that it's a theme here, given the title of the work, so I'm just hoping it'll actually turn out to be relevant. These days I cringe a little inside, whenever I see chess linked to those fighting a war, or masterminding a plot. It's overdone to the degree of being more suited to parody, at this point.

The Good:
Your writing itself is excellent, form-wise. Honestly, you remind me a lot of myself, in style, if perhaps a bit more biased toward the events, rather than emotion and sensation (But I tend to dwell too much on those).

Clearly you keep a very good mental picture going, since you don't spare the description as things proceed, and the action sequences clearly fit together well. Your vocabulary is good. Obviously you took the time to proof this. It didn't have any errors that jumped out and bit me through my brain's subconscious auto-correct.

After pre-reading and looking over a lot of first fics for people, you'd be surprised how much terrible writing you have to slog through. It was downright refreshing to run into someone that clearly takes pride in the quality of his or her craft. Kudos. I was pleasantly surprised.

Onto the second chapter.