Prologue-
Off in the city of Canterlot a crowd of ponies was gathering outside of the palace all mumbling with discontent. The mob had started forming only a few hours ago when the news had spread of a new kind creature appearing throughout Equestria. The princesses had known of the creatures for some time, but kept things quiet for these exact reasons.
“The crowd has doubled in the past hour,” an orange unicorn guard said while looking over the balcony.
“It appears that it has, Lighting.” Celestia said while looking towards the crowd as well. “This reminds me of that speech I gave after the wedding incident.”
“You mean the invasion, your highness?” Lighting asked.
“Yes, but calling it an invasion only incites more demand for a war when there is no reason for it. Their queen is in the dungeon so they have no leader,” Celestia reasoned.
“Unless they decide to try again.” He said under his breath before realizing exactly who he was talking to. “Wouldn’t it be a better idea to get rid of the problem now that their queen is gone?”
“How would going to war with an entire species benefit Equestria?” She asked with a raised an eyebrow. “A country would be a different story, but a species is something else entirely.”
“They are parasites ma’am, they would only serve to harm our home.” He shot back with relatively sound logic.
“That’s a debate for another time. Please excuse me.” She said which resulted in Lighting saluting her as she walked out onto the balcony to finally address the rather large crowd forming outside.
She looked across the crowd seeing many ponies with a multitude of expressions ranging from angry all the way to fearful. The crowd quieted down their talking as they saw the princess step out into the sunlight which seemed to radiate with her coat. Her mane flowed in the non-existent breeze like it always did due to the immense magical power she held. Clearing her throat she then spoke with the royal canterlot voice to address the crowd.
“My little ponies, it has come to my attention that a new creature has appeared in equestria and has created some minor problems where they have been spotted.” She said which got the crowd to start talking again, mostly in agreement. Celestia cleared her throat again which got the crowd to quiet down long enough for her to continue her speech.
“These problems have included certain animals disappearing as well as assorted items being stolen from our homes. I have created a plan to stop this problem before it becomes any worse than it currently is and hopefully, create peaceful relations with these new creatures.” The crowd started to mumble again though it wasn’t exactly happy with the last bit of that sentence.
“This is going to be a long day” Celestia thought before continuing to address the crowd in order to quell the riots that were sure to break out if this was not handled properly. It’s never easy taking care of a country of fearful ponies.
****Somewhere else****
In a rather rural area far away from any villages with ponies stood makeshift tents made of materials ranging from leaves to animal skins. Music could be heard coming from the center of the city of tents, but it wasn’t from any instrument that could be found in equestria. Various people were walking around doing various things essential to keeping the thing from falling apart.
“Hey Mark, what do you want me to do with these dead batteries?” A someone asked a rather pale man wearing a T-shirt that was ripped and muddy with jeans that were equally deteriorated.
“You’re sure they’re dead? We only have so many left for the radio.” Mark replied while taking out an old gameboy.
“I’m pretty sure. Radio stopped working and swapping their places didn’t help.” The other guy said while handing them over. Mark grabbed the batteries and put them into the old handheld before flipping the switch to see if anything would come on. The light flickered red before going dark again.
“Alright, they’re dead. Go grab some from Alex and make sure you kill the radio in an hour.” He said while taking back out the dead batteries and putting them in his back pocket to be used later for something. He really didn’t know what uses for them were other than just keeping them out of the water.
“But Alex is scary!” The other guy complained to Mark who just nodded,
“He is, but he’s not dangerous. Just ignore the tattoos and don’t mention his quirks and you’ll be fine.” Tony said while putting on a smile for him.
“Alright. OH, Brian wanted to talk to you about leaving. You know, trying to make it out there on his own?”
“I know, I was going to go talk to him in a minute.” Mark replied before the other guy walked off to go find Alex. He passed by many tents all of which had something unique about them. These differences ranged from discarded junk hanging from the entrance to flowers planted outside of them. One even had some poison joke hanging just above the entrance; that guy didn’t like people.
Eventually the guy reached a tent that was covered in mud to leave the insides cooler than any of the other tents.There was a lot more junk piled around this tent with bits and pieces of old electronics taken apart.
The battery guy swallowed his fear before walking into the darkened tent. Even more junk was scattered around with a tall shirtless man was taking apart a radio with a screw driver. He had various tattoos across his body with a multitude of different designs. One that stood out though was three butterflies that were on the side of his neck.
“H-hey, Alex. C-can I-” Alex tossed batteries at the guy without looking up.
“I heard the radio die. Unless you were coming to get me to fix it, it needs batteries.” He said while continuing to tinker with the radio.When the guy didn’t leave Alex got a little confused. “What?”
“Nothing just-”
“I look freaky?” He asked. The battery guy just nodded with a melancholy expression. “I’m used to that. Just take your batteries and get going.”
The battery guy nodded and beat a hasty retreat from the scary looking individual and his random technododads.
Alex just sat in silence for a few more minutes after that guy had just left. He wasn’t exactly happy that everyone looked at him like he was going to hurt them. Sure he had a lot of tattoos, but that was from his teenage years before realizing how far he took it and only got one more tattoo afterwards.
“*Sigh* Aren’t we supposed to look past appearances?” Alex asked himself as he put down the radio and looked towards his screwdriver. “At least you won’t judge me screwy.” The screwdriver did not respond, but Alex cracked a grin at it. “Screwy, you’re crazy man!” He said happily.
“Hey, Alex. The hand crank broke again.” Another guy said as he walked into Alex’s tent.
“Why am I the only one that can fix anything?” Alex thought as he put screwy back into his right boot and followed his new acquaintance out of his tent to go fix the messed up hand crank. When Alex left his tent a chill ran down his spine,
“I wish I had a shirt when I got sucked into this.” He said to himself which go this friends attention.
“I thought you just didn’t like wearing a shirt.”
“Nah, these tattoos scare off everyone so I tried to keep them covered back home.”
“Any special ones?” Alex thought for a moment about that question. Sure, plenty of them have stories but none really were any better than the rest. Finally he thought of one, Flexing his arm he showed off a particularly interesting tattoo of a chinese dragon.
“This one I got after winning a bet. This tattoo cost over a thousand bucks but it was free for me.” He said with a smug smile on his face. “It costs so much because of the style and artist which I suppose don’t matter much now.”
“I suppose not. What about that one?” The other guy asked while pointing towards a samurai tattoo on Alex’s chest.
“That one? Oh, that story isn’t really interesting…”
Far away from Alex and his tattoo conversation Mark was talking to someone who had an aggravated expression on his face.
“So what, we just stay here and waste away? I want to go home damn it!” The guy yelled while throwing his hands up in the air. Mark just put a hand to his head and shook it slowly,
“Brian, we can’t afford to just leave. We need each other man.” Mark reasoned while putting a hand on Brian’s back. He however, smacked Mark’s hand and jerked away.
“We’re falling apart Mark! How long do you think they’re going to listen to you if we don’t even try getting home?” Brian asked while motioning to the sub par living conditions they were in. “No one should have to live like this! How long before one of us get’s killed by a timber wolf, or one of those manticores? I can’t keep everyone from wandering off like I’ve been especially when more keep coming in!”
“You have to, they respect you Brian and if you leave, they leave.” Mark responded.
“That might be best for them! Why live like this when there are ponies that are willing to help?”
“And what if it becomes a Zecora situation? I’d rather not have them go out without any idea on what the situation would be.”
“And if it’s not like that? You’re putting them at risk on a maybe!”
“That’s what you’re doing too, Brain!” Mark borderline yelled before taking a deep breath. “At least they have some place to come back to if they fail out there Brian. If we just give up on this then what happens if I’m right?”
“I don’t know, but anything is better than living like this.”
“This conversation is over Brian. Leave if you want, but know you’re fucking over everyone that follows you out!” Mark finally snapped before storming away from Brian who huffed in frustration.
“Jackass is going to get us all killed.” Brian thought to himself as he picked up his makeshift machete that was lodged in the ground beside him. He started to walk in the opposite direction of Mark so he wouldn’t have to talk to the moronic jackass anymore. Mark was the one who came up with whole stupid idea to begin with and hadn’t pushed to try and get home.
“Doesn’t the bastard realize some of us have families we miss.” Brian said to himself while letting out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. He walked past tent after tent as he made his way towards the edge of the tent city that he had a hand in creating. When he reached the edge he stopped and kept his eyes toward the horizon. It would be so simple for him to just keep going without anyone stopping him, but was that really the best option? What if Mark was right?
Looking back towards the tents and random junk that littered the place that he had stayed for the last 3 months. The decision was easy enough as he took another step away from the people that served only to hold him back.
ARRRRGGGGHHH! All 3 of the options to vote for are interesting and unique and I can't decide!
7138642 too bad, you must decide!
7138647 then I choose....... MARK WHATNEY!
7138654 THERE WE GO!
7138656 NO WAIT! Alex!
7138661 There you go?
7138663 yeah! Alex! Final choice!
7138654 Mark Whatney... Shit potato farmer... From Mars! Coming this never.
7138672 you actually got my reference! And books better!
7138672
7138667 WORDS!
7138674 Looks like it's even across the board now.
Scratch that, Alex is ahead
Hmm tough choice... Alex, 'SCREW' THE RULES!
7138677 THE PUNS!
7138673 It is. And why wouldn't I?
7138684 THEY WILL ASSIMILATE YOU!!
7138689 NO
7138677 my Celestia
7138690 YUS!
7138693 ... Can you feel them? The puns clawing at your mind?! Sndowjdhsisiwhaosjwozxj *foams at the mouth*
7138698 * puts up hands and slowly backs away*
7138705 That wont help. You have to run!
7138711 Now you see why I love talking to these two!
7138712 I can be charming
7138705 *explodes while tasting purple*
7138774 you sir are an idiot!
7138711 Now where can I find a picture of a turd with a halo...? Decisions, decisions...
7138777 Not sure if being rude intentionally or jokingly.
7138777 Thanks you, I try my best, good man.
7138783 joking and refrencing the Simpsons
7138784 god I love you sometimes
7138790 I have not watched that show in years!
7138795 why?
7138799 Mostly forgot what channel it's on.
7138802 it's called a channel guide
7138806 Never,
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/d3/b3/c8/d3b3c8f0c1cb159091d15db0e7853035.jpg
7138811 ..... Touché
7138813 YAY I DID A THING!
7138793 ... You have no idea the amount of temptation I'm resisting by not slapping that 'Ha! Gaaaaaayyy!' Video as a response. ... Seriously, this is the 'move a mountain out of sheer will' type of shit.
7138805 I figured you would.
Alex has my vote.
7138905 Looks like Alex is in the lead in votes, eh?
7138911 Everypony loves a tinkerer. And he has the markings of being a brony. After the others get established a little, I might swing a vote Mark's way to see leadership trials without having to establish as much stuff at the same time.
7138922 They wont be getting as established as whoever wins this. Mostly because they'll be referenced and their actions will be heard of, but not seen...often. Basically this vote is for who is going to be who the main character is.
I think this was a very good first chapter, your dialog is mostly consistent and clear, all doe their are maybe Two places where I think it could have more clear. Your characters are for the most part clearly define. For a prologue, the characters are very clear in their personalty with their dialog, I think you did a good job for catching the personalty of Celestia she exert power but she stay true to her moral principles of not let rage or vengeance make her decisions for her. The three guys are interesting I can almost imagine personalties and what they will react in just this chapter, still need a little work to get a clear image of them, but it was an excellent firs try. For my selection of who the story showed focus on the next chapter? I am more partial toward the tinkerer Alex, but on the other hand Brian being pig headed make me think that their will be more accidents and misunderstanding with him along with the ponies. I will go with Alex, if he is as much of a scavenger for things as I think he is, then I think it is more likely that he will stumble on something interesting for the others and will wander off more if he has nothing else to tinker with.
So can you clarify what exactly I'm voting on, am I voting on the characters (which one I want to see most) and which trait I like best? Or does he have all of the traits by default? Are we voting on what happens next as well?
7139259 In this chapter it's which character you want to vote on being the main character of the rest of the story. They also will automatically get all those traits.
7139039 YAY! I finally got your approval with dialogue! I can live my life happily now. Seriously though, that was one of the main things I was trying to focus on in this chapter because it's been such a problem for me. As for Alex tinkering with random things well that is a large part of his character so you're right on that.
7139848 I think I would want to focus on Brian because he's the one leaving, thus it seems to me like a lot of stuff could happen to him, plus I like focusing on one human character more than the others.
7140370 So that' a vote for Brian.
Broooian