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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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What's the point of magic if you can't have magic sex toys, right?
6965091 Heh, indeed.
6965787 It's generally said that you should be using a character's name as often as possible in writing, for the sake of clarity when speaking of two characters of the same gender. But, re-reading, I can see a few places I can stick a 'she' or 'her' instead of the names.
Great story
7016661 Thank you.
7025440 Is a story switching between the characters' thoughts and actions frequently a bad thing? You didn't make that clear.
As for the tea thing, just a simple oversight by me. I'll fix it.
Twilight recognizing their bond makes sense to me, since Friendship and her friends are the most important thing in the world to her.
Also, thank you for giving it a chance. Please feel free to let me know how you like it, and any other inconsistencies or other problems you may have with it, if you so desire. I really appreciate constructive criticism on my stories, even if I so rarely get it.
7029162 Twilight being coherent for too long probably should be adjusted or at least rectified.
As for bringing booze on a first date, Applejack and Twilight have been friends for a long time, and have undoubtedly shared a few drinks before (remember Super Speedy Cider Squeezy episode?), so it's not too out of place to me at least.
As for the food receiving a lot of attention, I considered that as adding detail as I always do in my stories. Didn't consider it too excessive or distracting.
Thank you very much also for the detailed, and polite, criticisms. They're much appreciated. After all, how is someone to improve if nobody will tell them what they're doing wrong?
7031928 What exactly is out of focus in this chapter? I focused on them dating, as that is what the story is about.
Spike walking in on them making out would have been amusing, come to think of it. Might add that.
As for Twilight being the instigator, it makes sense to me because of her natural curiosity. Applejack would likely be fine with them just simply dating, but is not opposed to being more physical either.
Not sure how you got bored, but I'm glad you're still interested in reading more.
why do I feel twilight mess up the spell......
Authors notes very informative lol
...You magnificent bastard.
HA! WORTH IT! XXDD