7006487 Thanks for that. It's kinda confusing going between two female characters, since you can't just use 'he' and 'she', and just using 'she' between two unique females easily and non-confusingly is quite literally impossible. Gotta use their names too often, and sometimes you get them mixed up! >.<
When I first saw this I only saw one chapter and didn't think there would be more, I'm so glad your doing more chapters as this is really well done! It's not rushed and gives a nice feeling about it all which I love ^.^
This chapter handed out some mental whiplash. Show the scene, tell details, show an action, tell more details... Unfortunately, the name of the game isn't Show & Tell. It's Show, Don't Tell. Conveying information through the scene holds immersion far better than stopping every paragraph or two to explain things. There are times where a direct explanation is necessary or even good, but when that is depends on the scene, and action scenes are very much showing, little to no telling.
Also, I'm aware that it's probably not meant to be a very complex story, but lots of story potential gets used and swept under the rug in the same chapter that uncovered it.
Not much in-story to mention, other than Twi being worried about embarrassing herself, but not about PDA while her friends are present is both funny and refreshing.
7005798 I'm glad you're enjoying it.
Oops, I think that should be AJ.
Twi seems to be weak to ropework. AJ should bear that in mind for later.
7006487 Thanks for that. It's kinda confusing going between two female characters, since you can't just use 'he' and 'she', and just using 'she' between two unique females easily and non-confusingly is quite literally impossible. Gotta use their names too often, and sometimes you get them mixed up! >.<
Also, yes, Twi is weak to rope-play. :P
When I first saw this I only saw one chapter and didn't think there would be more, I'm so glad your doing more chapters as this is really well done! It's not rushed and gives a nice feeling about it all which I love ^.^
Keep it up :-D
7010221 Yes, the commissioner ordered more chapters, so I'm writing quite a bit more.
Regarding it not being rushed, I NEVER, and WILL NEVER write below my personal high standards, especially on a commission.
Thanks for the compliments too, they're appreciated.
This chapter handed out some mental whiplash. Show the scene, tell details, show an action, tell more details...
Unfortunately, the name of the game isn't Show & Tell. It's Show, Don't Tell. Conveying information through the scene holds immersion far better than stopping every paragraph or two to explain things. There are times where a direct explanation is necessary or even good, but when that is depends on the scene, and action scenes are very much showing, little to no telling.
Also, I'm aware that it's probably not meant to be a very complex story, but lots of story potential gets used and swept under the rug in the same chapter that uncovered it.
Not much in-story to mention, other than Twi being worried about embarrassing herself, but not about PDA while her friends are present is both funny and refreshing.