A good start for this story, I can't wait to see what you got planned next, will he start a Changeling Hive there in the Human world or will he get sent back to Equestria and start to grow Chrysalis Hive larger if they return there?

Nice story so far just hope it doesn't become the cluster fuck Black Queen, Red King became

Chrysalis full and without holes:
img10.deviantart.net/f7c7/i/2013/046/2/7/crizalis_uncorrupted_by_dalagar-d5v1hru.png

6988926 Oh, don't worry. I'm not gonna dive into anything super complicated. I'm just gonna fuck some humans for now. If I decide on anything complicated, you'll get at least some warning in this story. That way I can bail out before it happens, if people don't like it.

haven't read yet but the title demanded this...

A bit rushed, but still ok.
Let's see what will happen next.

I just couldn't quite put my finger on it... oh hey, look at that. I don't have fingers to put on anything.

He really seems to be the world-chapion in 'I don't give a shit'.
I'm sure I would freak out as hell.

Hint:
Add empty spaces between some paragraphs. Would look much better than your current wall of text.

May had found an error:

"...Who are you and what have you done with the bug queen?" My sister demanded.

Did you mean "done with my brother"?

6992008 No, that was no error. She actually believed for a second that the real Queen Chrysalis was in her house.

As for the wall of text, I'll give it a look later to see where I can space it.

Also, this guy isn't you. He's not gonna freak out unless someone's dying.

I love it

Rush of useless info? Main character not reacting to massive body changes? Recipe for cringe.

Hmm is there gonna be incest in this story?

Haha nice take. This dude is sufficiently dick-ish, but not annoyingly so.

Well, I really didn't expect a masterpiece when I clicked on this. nevertheless so far it has landed itself on the "so bad it's good" side of things, feeling like a parody of over-competent SI fics. Although there are a few things I'd like to point out.

standard furry raver

Oh man, you know those furry ravers. They are just all over the place. So much so that they have a standard, and that the mental image of the average audience can differentiate a standard furry raver from a nonstandard furry raver.

It may just be me, but I find the idea of a standard furry hilarious, with how much what being a furry means changes from person to person. Just imagine that there is some sort of checklist you must fill out lest you be not furry enough. Its just too funny!

*making his dad faint scene*

I dunno, I find this sorta trope really stupid, especially when the setting is supposedly "the real world". cause seriously when was the last time you fainted due to emotional shock? Oh yeah, and flirting with your own father is kinda creepy, even as a joke. In fact all of the incest was poking me the wrong way, but that's just me.

I could feel Chrysalis pale at some of them in fear and a "Holy shit, that is badass" admiration.

I refuse to believe that this sentence is anything bur unreliable narration. I know Chrysalis can be rather dumb depending on your interpretation, but I would figure she wouldn't be awestruck by any edgelord... I'mma gonna assume 16-year old?'s ideas. I'd rather believe that is a "holy shit this kid is gonna get me killed!" fear and the sorta "ya know that might actually work... if I was the one doing it and all the targets were all morons." admiration.

7007951 Thanks for the critique! I've gone back and changed the problem parts. There's a couple things to mention though. This isn't some edgelord teen, this is me. This is a gamer. So you tell me what you'd think of turning into either Big Daddy, Craig the Psycho, or a necromorph to kick ass.

7008043

To be honest? I'd be majorly depressed if I got turned into any of those examples you mentioned. sure super "wreck-you-shit" powers sound fun for a few days, but I have people's well-being dependent on me being a relatively normal person (It would be absolutely shit cooking with my left hand turned into a drill and fingers the size of salami, plasmids be damned). Not that I don't have power-fantasies about some things like Naruto's everything, generic telekinesis (most useful power actually, depending on how you swing it), goo-shapeshifter, ect. But I case less about the "BOW BEFORE ME LESSER BEINGS FOR I AM THE GOD OF HAM" and more about "man, this shit would make my day go by so much easier."

sorry, about the edgelord comment though. I know I can get kinda judgmental about teenagers... god knows how much bounced between all of the stereotypes when I was one (I cannot look back on my highschool self without wanting to smack some sense into him hard).

also, I wasn't noting "problem" areas, they did great in empathizing the SI's character though narration. I just wanted to snark about a few bits in the text. I was disagreeing with the "character" of the narrator not the writing itself. It is not a sin for a narrator to be wrong, it is actually very good story telling in some instances. Just as long as you "the writer" keep in mind the idea that you "the character" can have a bad idea or misinterpret something (note: can, not must shoehorning in flaws can be as bad as never having them in the first place)

Oh my god, this shit is amazing.

"Hello. My name is Queen Chrysalis, and I rule over my own little hive of changelings. Wanna fuck?" I asked bluntly enough to be a sledgehammer. Not that I would fuck him. He's my dad after all, and he's not into incest. Dad responded in the only way he could to that question. He threw up his hands, turned around, and said quite clearly, "fuck this shit, I'm out.".

7000205 you have put into words what I feel about these stories. Smaller is better when your character tells things about themselves. We don't need or want all of their life story. Still gonna read it though for S&Gs.

This is happening ridiculously quickly. I like it anyway, though God only knows why.

7105795 fuck this shit I'm staying here

what.

His dad's reaction was hilarious XD. I'm definitely staying

FUCK this SHIT I'm out *closes door behind him* stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp *door opens I walk back in* sorry the gravatational effect is to strong to walk away from

7105795
DAMNIT YOU BEAT ME TO IT!!!!!