Visit From a Street Performer
Okay, so I spent half of night court sleeping. Why? Well, nothing ever happens. Unfortunately, someone decided it would be funny to doodle on my face. So when I woke up and discovered it...
"LUNA!!!!!!!!!!"
My yell managed to shake Canterlot, which is a feat in of itself. You see, when Celestia and I built Canterlot, the foundations were easily the most fragile part. If the foundations break, the whole city comes tumbling down the mountain. So, to fix it, we enchanted them so they wouldn't be damaged as easily from any form. Whether it be rain, weight, shock waves, etc.
Anyway, when I finished venting my frustration, I noticed two tails slip out the door to the throne room, accompanied by the sound of laughter. And what would one do when they are offered sweet, sweet revenge? They take that opportunity and do the most they can with it.
Well I would anyway.
I took off like a rocket after the two Alicorns. "YOU TWO GET BACK HERE AND TAKE YOUR PUNISHMENTS LIKE MEN!" I shouted at Celly and Luna.
"We aren't humans!" Celly shouted back.
"Or males!" Luna added.
"SAME DIFFERENCE!" I roared back.
The guards and castle staff were wise enough to move out the way as thay spotted the three of us barrelling down the halls. Unfortunately, they obviously read the 'Guide For Running Away From Things For Dummies', and decided they would have a better chance of escaping our crazy goose chase by running ahead of us. Seriously! It would've been much better for them to just move into a room until we passed. There are like, what, 50 fucking doors per hallway!
I was just about to grab the two trouble makers that I was engaged to, but Celestia decided she would pull a fast one on me.
"See you later!" She cried as she used her magic to send me to Spike via dragon fire. I popped back out in the Ponyville Library where Spike was wearing a moustache.
"Wow, didn't know that I would get a free Andrew with this moustache." Spike said.
"I don't think it was the moustache, Spike." Twilight said.
"It was Celestia." I groaned as I stood up. Being sent that way is a nightmare. Imagine being stuffed into a PVC pipe and being shot out like a cannon ball through the other end.
"So, what are you two doing?" I asked as I stretched.
"Twilight's just seeing how many different spells she can do." Spike said.
"Well how many can you do?" I asked Twilight.
"About 25." She said.
"But if that's that list and you can already do a bunch of other spells, then wouldn't it be something like 35?" I asked.
"Oh no, these are all the spells I know." Twilight replied.
"Oh, okay. That makes more sense." I said. "Well, I'll see you two at the performance." I said before I vanished from sight.
"Performance?" Twilight looked at Spike curiously, who answered with a shrug.
Because my sleep was so rudely interrupted, I went home to get some sleep. Unfortunately for me, that was never going to happen. I was happily dreaming about have a bacon factory in which the employees were bacon, but I was brought out of it by the sounds of fireworks.
Looks like Trixie is starting her show. I know I promised Twilight I would see her there, but I really don't feel like going up there. Hang on, I could make a brief appearance, and then come back home and go back to sleep. Genius!
With my foolproof plan in place, I grabbed myself and sandwich and left my house. I found Trixie set up in the centre of town and practically the entire town was there. I sighed as I saw there was no way I was going to be able to walk through the crowd, so I just snapped my fingers and teleported next to Twilight.
"Yo. I'm here. Wassup?" I asked, still half asleep.
I must've scare Twilight because she let out a yelp and jumped like 10 feet into the air.
"Woah, calm down. I'm waiting until Nightmare Night for the scares. You're about 3 months off." I jested.
"Shut up before I make you." Twilight joked back, although I could tell that she was serious.
"Eh, why not?" She couldn't really do too much to me, but I'll play along.
"Who dares interrupt the Great and Powerful Trixie?!" The mare on stage demanded. I immediately, and I mean didn't even think about it, put my hands up.
"NOT IT!"
I dashed away before anyone could make sense of what I said, even though it should be obvious what I meant.
I stopped on the roof of someone's house and decided to watch the show from there. I saw Spike rush out from the crowd and Twilight take his place next to Rarity. The Mane 6 minus Fluttershy and Pinkie seemed to be chatting about something, but I couldn't make it out. I knew what they were saying though, but it did bring up a question for me.
Where's Fluttershy? I snapped my fingers, bringing me to Fluttershy's backyard where she was laying on the ground with her animal friends around her. I know I said I woudl go back home, but I like Fluttershy. She's a nice person.
"Hey Fluttershy." I said softly so I wouldn't startle her. I did anyway.
"Oh, hello Andrew." Fluttershy said after getting over me suddenly appearing on her property.
"What are you doing here? There's a mare in town giving the town a performance." I inquired.
"Oh, I'm just not very good with crowds." Was Fluttershy's answer.
"That's cool, that's cool." I replied. I sat with her for a bit until I remembered something.
"Oh yeah, I've still got to complain to Trixie. Well, I'll be out of your hair and let you continue bonding." I said to everyone in the area, knowing they could understand me. I had a very unfortunate experience about animals once.
"Oh okay, goodbye Andrew." Fluttershy said softly. I gave a two-fingered salute and teleported back to the crowd in the centre of town.
I just got back to see everyone egging on Twilight to go up on stage.
"We need another unicorn to show this unicorn who's boss." Rainbow said.
"A real unicorn to unicorn tussle." Applejack added. I could see Spike was just about to say something to Twilight before Rarity cut in.
"Enough. Enough all of you. I can see what you're trying to, but it won't work." Rarity said. "Applejack and Rainbow Dash may be willing to do such things, but I won't."
"What's the matter? Afraid to get that rats nest you call a mane get dirty?" Trixie taunted.
"Oh. It. Is. On!" Rarity muttered, walking up to the stage. When she got up there, she proceeded to walk to the curtains. "You may have a lot of spells, but a unicorn needs to be able to show style."
Rarity pulled the curtain down and started circling it around her, preventing any of us from seeing her. When she finished, there were sparkles flashing in her mane and a blue dress with yellow highlights. There were only two things wrong with this.
HOW DID SHE DO THAT IN 5 SECONDS?! AND HOW DID SHE GET YELLOW WHEN THE CURTAIN WAS ONLY BLUE!
I blame magic dyes.
Rarity started talking again. "A unicorn cannot be a unicorn without grace and beauty." The crowd 'wow'd' at her, but Trixie just looked on with a scowl. That quickly changed to a smirk and she lit up her horn and did something to Rarity. The entire crowd gasped.
"What did she do to my mane? I know she did something to my mane!" Rarity asked, clearly panicking.
"Don't worry about it." I said, waving a hand.
"It's nothing!" Twilight said.
"It's fine!" Rainbow said.
"It's gorgeous." Applejack said.
"It's green." Spike said flatly. Damn these ponies can't lie for shit. The three ponies glared at him. "What?"
"I agree!" I said, stepping into it. "At least Spike was honest." I gave a pointed look at Applejack who had the decency to admit to it.
Our attention was brought back to Rarity. "Ooh! Green hair, not green hair! What an awful colour!" She wailed as she galloped through the crowd, passing a mare with a green mane.
"Well! I never!" She said as she walked off angrily.
"Well Twilight, I guess it's up to you." Spike said.
"Hold up! I haven't had a go and I need to complain about something." I said, walking past them. I approached the stage where Trixie was standing with a smug grin and coughed.
"Ahem." Nothing.
"Ahem!" Still nothing.
"AHEM!" Not a single movement.
"A-FUCKING-HEM!"
"WHAT?!" That got her attention.
"I have a complaint about your show." I stated calmly.
"What is it, monkey?" Trixie asked.
"Well y'see, I was having a snooze when I heard your fireworks go off. Now, if this was one of Pinkie's parties I wouldn't mind, but seeing as how you interrupted my sleep, I want to get revenge." I said.
"And how will a lowly creature like you compare to the Great and Powerful Trixie?" Trixie rolled her 'r's' for her name.
"I challenge you to a game...
...
...
...
Of 'Rock, Paper, Scissors!" I declared, pointing a finger in the air.
"And how does one play this game?" Trixie asked.
"Easy," I jumped up on the stage, "You hold your hooves out like this," I stretched out both my arms and had one of my fists clenched up and resting my other palm, "And we both do this," I lifted my fist up and tapped it down into my palm again, "We do this until the third time where we chose either 'rock'", A fist, "'Paper'", An open hand like I was doing a handshake, "Or 'scissors'" Like paper but with two fingers outstretched.
"Rock beats scissors, scissors beats paper, and paper beats rock. First to 3 wins." I finished explaining.
"Hmph! Trixie is ready to beat you at this game, ape." Trixie said.
We both got ready and started. Our first round was Trixie with rock, and me with paper.
"Paper beats rock." I said, wrapping my hand around her hoof.
"Trixie chose scissors, not rock!" She protested. I looked closer.
"Hmm, nope. Looks like a rock to me." I could see some of the crowd laughing.
We did it a second round. Same thing. I beat Trixie with paper.
"You are clearly cheating! Trixie chose paper!" Trixie shouted, causing more of the audience to laugh.
"Nuh uh! That's rock!" I said in my caveman voice. Trixie growled before we did one more round.
I beat her.
"That's it!" Trixie used her magic to send me flying off the stage.
Or would've if I wasn't immune to it.
She hit me with a bit of magic, causing the crowd to gasp. "You know, I'm a little offended." I said, waving my finger in her face. "You could've just asked if you wanted me gone so badly." With that I walked off the stage and through the crowd.
"Ciao." Were my last words until that night.
So, after I made a fool out of Trixie I went back home and fell back asleep. I missed about half of what happened so I'll just get Twilight to write what happened.
Twilight POV
I went back home and read up on Ursas, hoping to find proof that Trixie did indeed vanquish one all by herself, but I found no mention of it anywhere.
"Hmm, you would think that if somepony were to do that there would be mention of it somewhere." I muttered. The door to the library opened, revealing Spike.
"Twilight, why didn't you use your magic to show up Trixie? She was obviously faking it." He said to me. I don't know why, but it sounded like he was disappointed that I didn't help my friends.
"Spike, you never can tell how strong somepony is until they show what they can do." I replied.
"Still..." Thankfully he dropped the subject. "What are you reading?" He asked.
"I'm looking into Ursas. Looks like there are Ursa Majors and Minors. The Ursa Minors are the babies and their parents are always overprotective until they reach around 300 years old or prove through a set of tasks that they are capable of defending themselves. When they meet either of those requirements, their parents practically just leave them." I told him.
"Oh okay. Well, I'm going to go do some things outside." Spike said, walking out the door.
"Don't be back too late!" I called out after him.
Not too much happened after that. I finished the book and started reading some more until Spike came running back in.
"Twilight! You need to come, quick!" He pretty much shouted at me.
"If it's to show up Trixie then I'm not going." I said.
"No! It's not that! There's a-" Spike was cut off from a roar outside.
"Is that an Ursa?!" I yelled at him.
Spike gulped. "Yep." I galloped out the house and grabbed Spike in my magic as I passed him and went out to find where the Ursa was. Not too hard when there is a massive mob running the opposite direction. When I made it there, I saw an Ursa MINOR, not a MAJOR, and Trixie was just about to hit it over the back of the head with a cart.
"Take this!" She shouted as she hit it. The Ursa Minor stopped and started sniffling before bawling its eyes out.
"Ha ha! The Great and Powerful Trixie has vanquished the dreaded Ursa Major again!" Trixie proclaimed.
"What have you done?!" I pretty much shrieked in her ear.
"Trixie just saved the town because of her ability! I think you should be thanking her!" Trixie said arrogantly.
"That is an Ursa Minor, not an Ursa Major! Something you would know if you actually fought one!" I shouted. The ground started shaking.
"Oh... I knew that!" Trixie said.
"And now its parents are going to come and probably destroy everything here because you hurt their baby!" I continued.
Now Trixie's expression started falling. "Oh."
There was a loud roar and two massive purple bears half the size of Canterlot Mountain came walking out the Everfree.
"Evacuate the town!" I shouted to the few ponies nearby. They shook themselves out of their daze and started rounding up ponies and escorting them out.
"What's going on here?" I heard a familiar masculine voice ask.
"Andrew! There are two Ursa Majors here because somepony," I glared at Trixie, "hurt their baby." I said.
Andrew sighed and rubbed his hand down his face. "Can't get a fucking break can I?" He asked himself. He was about to walk off but stopped. "Oh, and Trixie? I know that you made up the story about defeating an Ursa Major. You wouldn't even be able to defeat a Minor." He said before runing towards the Ursas.
"Andrew! Wait! You can't fight them by yourself!" I shouted after him.
"Just shut up and let me take my anger out on something!" He yelled back.
I quickly teleported to a rooftop so I could watch what would happen.
"Are you two the lovely creatures that so rudely interrupted my nap?" He asked calmly... Too calmly. The Ursa Majors roared in his face.
"Guess that answers that." He muttered.
"Do you two want to know why people don't interrupt me when I sleep?" He asked, only receiving roars in return. "It's because of this!" Andrew yelled before disappearing and reappearing on one of the Ursa's head. I watched Andrew and he raised a fist and brought it down, causing the Ursa to fall down to the ground.
"ALL I FUCKING WANTED!" He jumped at the other Ursa, "WAS TO GET SOME FUCKING SLEEP!" He made it fall down too.
"BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT?!" He grabbed one of their paws each. "FOR SOME REASON I COULDN'T FUCKING GET THAT TODAY!" He jumped up in the air, still holding them on and bringing them behind him.
"IT SEEMS THE UNIVERSE IS OUT TO STOP ME FROM FUCKING SLEEPING!" Andrew kicked them back down to the land, making giant craters. "ALL BECAUSE OF SOME FUCKING STUCK UP LITTLE UNICORN THAT CAN'T STOP FUCKING REFERRING TO HERSELF IN THIRD-PERSON!" He landed on one of their heads, knocking it unconscious.
"AND TWO FUCKING URSAS THINKING THEY CAN ROAR AROUND AS THEY FUCKING PLEASE!" He knocked the other one out with a punch to the head.
"WELL TOO FUCKING BAD!" Andrew lined up a kick. "BECAUSE YOU NOW KNOW TO NOT FUCK WITH ME!" He kicked it back into the Everfree Forest. "OR I WILL PUNT YOUR ASS SO FUCKING HARD YOU WILL BE TASTING YOUR OWN SHIT FOR DAYS!" The last Ursa Major got kicked back into the forest.
"NOW CAN I GET SOME FUCKING SLEEP?!" Andrew yelled at no one in particular.
"NO, I'M YELLING AT YOU DIPSHIT!" Oi! Shh!
"NO! LET ME GET SOME FUCKING SLEEP AND THEN I'LL SHUT UP!" Okay okay! Fine!
"FUCKING FINALLY!" With that, Andrew teleported next to me.
"You can clean up the Minor." He told me before teleporting away again.
Oh, looks like Andrew wants me to stop writing from here. Well, see you later whoever might be reading this... maybe...
So yeah, if you're a Brony then you should know how she did it. Put the Ursa Minor to sleep with music, milked the cows and got the water tower for the Minor to drink the milk out of before sending it back to its cave with its beat-up parents.
The town also chased out Trixie as she was the cause of all this. I finally got my sleep and cleaned up the mess I made the next morning. All in all, I got done what I wanted:
A chance to mess with Trixie and fight some Ursa Majors. Without magic.
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Ya know...You could have made Trixie your minion instead of making her got chased out of town...She is a performer for goodness sake. She performs! Sure, her routine is a bit ill fitting, but, it is not exactly offensive by a showman/showmare standard.
7277218 If I made Trixie Andrew's minion then Magic Duel wouldn't happen. And also the thought just didn't appeal to me.
7277221 7277218 Agreed; she was doing her job, Snips & Snails were being bumbling idiots with no concept of Showmareship, just like everyone else in this story. The MC can't take a performance, and neither can the rest of Ponyville, they have no concept of the entertainment medium, and this chapter made the MC feel a bit OOC, although I could've attributed this to mental exhaustion if it wasn't for the last line of the chapter.
I am a bit disappointed by how it played out, and I can understand that it she needed inspiration for Magic Duel, but you could have played it differently. You could have made the MC a bit sympathetic, as she's just doing her job. The townsponies could've stuck to their guns, because their stubborn like that, and Andrew wouldn't have been able to figure it out, as he was simply too tired.
This chapter felt mean spirited bullying, targeting an innocent mare. She never wanted this to happen, she didn't know her crowd was to stupid to pick up on what was actually happening, nor that they would be stupid enough to bring an actual fucking Ursa to town, regardless of if it's a Minor! That doesn't matter, though, if she wasn't a showpony, then this wouldn't have happened! Let's throw this homeless mare out of town, and talk shit about her, so she's unemployed! Serves her right for having the gall to perform like some kind of entertainer!
7277218 SLAVERY!
Interesting short chap to the point. AND U DIDN'T GET CELLY AND LULU BACK!!!!!
7284394 Dont worry, there will be revenge. *Evil laughter that is very evil*
So pissed he hit a hole in the 4th wall
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Is it dead Jim?
7515569 lol. It's right there bro! If you pay attention that is.