This is the story of how I ended up in my favourite TV show and was able to predict exactly what would happen, and when it would happen.
You want to know how I ended up in Equestria?
Well, it all started on that one, fateful walk in the woods. Oh, sorry. You were supposed to read the story to find that out.
Anyway, I find myself in Equestria. Although, not when I thought. I still knew what would happen in the future, but I arrived during the Starswirl era. After the defeat of Discord. Turns out I'll be needed one day. Oh well, wait, what? You're going to WHAT?!
You want to know how I ended up in Equestria? Well, it all started on that one, fateful walk in the woods. The woods near my home were always a place I could go to if I ever needed to calm myself. During the last couple of years, I wound up coming here much more often than I used to in my younger years. The reason?
'Cause Imma Brony.
It all started out with that one video I found on YouTube. I was browsing through random shit and I saw it.
I laughed at that video for so long. I had heard of My Little Pony before, but that was before Friendship is Magic came out. I thought it was just a little, shitty show for little girls. I actually had no idea that males watched it. Eventually, I got curious. I searched up the first couple of episodes on YouTube and watched those.
I was instantly hooked.
The whole thing was just amazing! I couldn't stop myself from watching even more. I finally worked up the courage to go to the store and buy the DVD's. I was happy that the cashier only raised an eyebrow, scanned the things and left me be. Others who saw me, well, let's just say that I was in a whole world of trouble.
That's when I started to visit the woods more often. There was something calming about that place, like there was someone looking over you, making sure that everything would be fine. Even the animals found in there were really nice. A lot of the time I would find myself in the clearing at the centre of the woods just giving the animals attention. Whether it be from petting them, playing with them or just talking with them, it was relaxing.
I eventually worked up even more courage and started buying shirts that referenced the show. At first, I just wore them around home, but I then moved to wearing them out in public. That's when it started getting worse. People would constantly laugh or pick on me for like a show meant for little girls. Even my friends sometimes mentioned it, but I just shrugged them off and told them that they can tolerate it, or go fuck themselves. Most of the time they chose to let me be. The times they kept nagging at me about it, I told them that many other things that were meant for one specific gender and age were viewed by others outside of that group.
I always won those arguments.
Anyway, back to how I got here. I was walking through the woods after getting laughed at by the school's biggest bully. Ted. Now I know, his name might sound ridiculous, but don't laugh in his face about it. He will smash yours into the closest wall. Seriously though, that guy is ripped! I swear her must lift fucking trains that's how much muscle he has! Although, he is a bit slow. Must come with all that extra weight.
Ted Jones, as his full name goes, picked on me every time he could. One time he got me riled up enough to go to strike him. I failed. Horribly. I was in hospital for a couple of days. After that I decided to learn martial arts. Let's just say that you don't want to mess with me in one-on-one.
Getting off track again, Ted had spent an hour laughing in my face about my 'fetish' with ponies. I don't have any fetishes, I just enjoy the show. I was in the forest, going through the breathing exercises I was taught to control my temper. I was nearly to the clearing when I heard the sounds of a car driving very fast.
Cars? There shouldn't be cars here... I turned around at the right time to just narrowly jump out of the way of a speeding pick-up truck. In the driver's seat, was Ted.
Fuck.
"Well, well, well. Look who it is. If it isn't Mister Pony himself. What are you doing out here all by your lonesome? Did you finally get rejected by your precious little pony fetishes?" He taunted me. I just turned around and kept walking. Ted didn't take kindly to that.
"Where do you think you're going?" He asked in a tiny fit of rage.
"Places." Was my simple response.
This only seemed to aggravate him even more as I heard the sound of an engine being revved behind me.
"The only place you're going to be is a smear on the ground!" He yelled before racing towards me in his truck. I jumped on the hood and flipped over his truck and bounded off towards the clearing in the centre.
Good thing, I'm fast as fuck. It's hard to keep up with me. Bad thing, someone in a truck can easily keep up, especially when they're going at 60 kilometres an hour.
I sprinted towards the clearing, looking for a place to hide. I couldn't find anything to hide behind and so looked behind me. I saw Ted in his truck barrelling towards me. I jump up onto the hood and stay there. I struck his windshield, cracking it, and did so again. The second time finished me my fist making a connection with Ted's nose, bloodying it. He crashed into a tree from the momentary lose of concentration, and slid out of the driver's door, landing on the ground with a thud.
He looked back to see his car banged up and smoking.
"You bastard..." He turned to me.
"You... Fucking... BASTARD!!" He lunged for my throat with outstretched hands but I sidestepped out of the way.
Ted went on a massive rampage, but only managed to lightly touch my hand. I dodged everything he threw at me until he brought out a gun.
A G17 to be exact.
This stopped me in my tracks.
"I'm sick of your shit, Pony Boy. This ends now." He brought the muzzle up to the level of my head and said one last thing;
"Goodbye, my fellow Brony."
*BANG*
*Flash*
When Ted pulled the trigger, a bright flash covered me. From my point of view, I was falling through a void of bright colours. From Ted's, I had been seemingly obliterated.
"Huh. This thing works better than I thought." He said to himself before walking off.
Meanwhile, I was screaming my lungs out as I fell through a seemingly endless tunnel of colours.
I fell, more screaming.
I fell some more, even more screaming
I fell even more, I stopped screaming and checked my watch.
Still falling, I looked around the place.
And I'm still falling, I took a container of tic-tacs out of my pocket and popped a few in my mouth.
Unbelievably still falling, finished my mints and started singing.
Somehow I'm falling still, moved to lie on my back.
FAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIII- *CRASH!*
Not anymore. I opened my eyes and found myself staring into a pair of large, golden eyes.
The fuck? I widened my area of focus and found myself looking at the face of a pony. This one had a beard and a large, blue wizard hat with stars, moons and bells on it.
My eyes widened with surprise as I realised just who I was looking at.
Starswirl... The... Bearded... But how?
"Ahh, looks like the creature has awoken." He said, seemingly to no one, in a gruff voice. It sorta sounded like Gandalf.
I sat up and saw that I had a small audience. It consisted of two Alicorns. One white, one blue. The white one had a pastel coloured mane that flowed freely and the other had a mane that flowed similarly to the other's, only it looked like the night sky with twinkling stars flashing brightly.
Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.
I finally stood up to my full height and found that I easily towered over Starswirl and was easily 2 feet taller than Celestia. I was quite tall for a human, 6 foot 7, and so I wasn't too surprised that I could easily surpass them in height. Starswirl was only a bit smaller than Luna, but still small. 4 foot 1, maybe?
"Greetings, our names are-" Luna started.
"Princess Luna and Princess Celestia." I cut in and finished. I pointed to Starswirl next to me, "And this one is Starswirl the Bearded."
Luna looked annoyed at me cutting her off, but shock quickly overcame that annoyance. "Yes... That is correct. How did you know?"
I shrugged, "Reasons."
Luna was about to protest but I cut her off. Again. "I will tell you more at a later date. Now, can you tell me why I'm here?"
"Yes, of course." Celestia quickly said before Luna could protest some more. "Starswirl here had a vision. We have come to trust these visions of his, as every single one has come true, no matter how insignificant. Just recently, he had one about human's. More specifiably, you. Starswirl, would you please tell our friend here what you saw?"
"Of course, Celestia." He moved to me.
"Kneel down, if you would."
I obliged, knowing that he could force me to do it anyway. He pointed his horn at me and cast a spell, showing me exactly what he saw.
Fire rained down from the heavens as two beings struggled for dominance over one another. The easiest to notice was a colossal Centaur. The other figure, was a tall, slender, but muscular, bipedal being. It looked similar to an ape, but was easily distinguishable from one. The Centaur brought one hoof up before bringing it down on the biped, making a large crater. The biped caught the hoof and flipped the Centaur on it's back and slashed at it with a sword that seemed to be made of a rainbow crystal.
The Centaur roared in pain before charging a massive beam and firing it non-stop at the biped. Once again, the attack was met head on, but by the sword. The magical energy was absorbed into the blade before going to the biped. It roared in pain before a bright flash came from it.
I shook my head to rid myself of the after effects of that flash of light.
I looked to the Princesses. "So, you want me to do what?"
They both sighed before Celestia spoke, "We are going to try something with you. Something that has never been done before."
This got me to start sweating like it was 100 degrees. "What is it that you will do?" I ask nervously.
"We will splice chaos magic into your DNA and once your body starts reproducing it normally, we will combine that with harmonic magic. Like that of the magic the Elements of Harmony use."
I nodded at her and Celestia continued. "If we do this correctly, then we would have discovered a new type of magic, one that you exclusively can use and it will make you unstoppable." I looked at her like she was crazy. "Once you train your magic, that is." She added with a giggle.
"I'm guessing that Starswirl will teach me how to use my magic?" I ask.
"Correct." Starswirl answers this time.
I shrugged my shoulders. "Sure, fuck it. I haven't got anything to lose anymore."
I follow them through a door and into another chamber. This one was a large, circular room with a chair in the middle of it all.
Surrounding said chair was a bunch of tubes running around, connected to a couple of needles.
Fuck. I hate needles.
I moved over to the chair and sat in it before they could ask. It was like a recliner, but mostly stayed upright, and was very soft. It felt like it was made from leather but I couldn't be too sure.
I look back to them. "Now wha-" I cut off as I fall asleep.
"Was it necessary to put him to sleep, Tia?" Luna asked.
"It will be easier like this, Lulu." Celestia responded.
"If you're done over there, could you come here and help me start this operation." Starswirl butted in.
The two sisters sighed and moved to join the old stallion.
"Ugh, what happened?" I asked groggily.
"All vitals are stable, it seems that the operation was successful." I heard Gandalf's voice say.
"Gandalf, is that you?" I ask, slurring my words like I had just drunk a carton of high strength beer.
"Gandalf?"
My eyes clear up and I look around to see Celestia, Luna and Starswirl looking at me like I was crazy. I probably am to them.
"Oh, that's right, you were gonna do some crazy shit with magic and make me a fucking super soldier. I remember now!" I said with a goofy grin.
"I think he might've gone crazier than before, Tia." Luna whispered to Celestia. It wasn't meant for me to hear, but for some reason, my ears picked it up.
"I'm not crazy! Just drunk." I said, returning back to the world completely.
"Ahh, that's better." Starswirl said.
"What is?" I ask him, completely sober once more.
"Your mana reserves have completely recharged." He responded happily.
"How much is it?"
"Well, Celestia's, when she fully matures, will be around a medium sized dam at full charge. Luna's will be a bit smaller than that and your's is... pretty much an ocean."
I look at him in shock. "You're joking, right?"
"No I am not. Do you think I would joke with something like this?"
"Good point." I muttered to myself.
I look around the room and see a pile of books in the corner. I reach out for one and see my hands glow with a rainbow light as a book appears in my outstretched hand.
"Woah! What's with my hands?"
"That is your focal point for your spells. A Unicorn's or Alicorn's is their horns, your's is your hands."
"Sweet." I focus once more on the books and proceed to float them around the room.
"Hmm, it seems that you have control over basic levitation." Celestia commented.
"You sound like you were hoping to watch me crash and burn my way through it." I retort.
"...Maybe."
I shook my head at her. "You troll. I might have to start calling you Trollestia at one point."
"If only our subjects could be like that." She said with a sigh.
"Well at least I'm doing it." I told her.
"True." She responded simply.
I turn to Starswirl. "So, when we gonna start with this magic shit?"
He sighed at me. "This is going to be a long year..."
So yeah, I spent my first year in Equestria learning how to control my magic. It was pretty chill. Literally. I once accidentally froze the castle and Celestia had to fire a beam of fire to thaw it out. Yeah, I got massively screwed over from that. Starswirl gave me a massive lecture on why I should be more careful. I used my magic to make an illusion of myself sitting up and paying attention while I slept through it.
That wasn't all bad though, I mean, I got to learn something about my chaos magic. I can stop Global Warming. That's pretty sweet. If I could return home.
Another thing I learned was I am immortal. And I mean as in can't die. If I overload with my magic, it just blows up in my face and it looks like a bomb just exploded in my hands from a cartoon. If I get decapitated, my head pops back on my shoulders. If anything happens, my body either fixes it or just tanks it like a boss.
I finally got my magic under control to where I started learning more things. I started conjuring shit up from Earth with my chaos powers, including a PlayStation 4 and pretty much any game I wanted, an 80 inch flatscreen, a king sized bed and pretty much anything I so wanted. Luna got addicted to my PlayStation and I had to force her out of my room to get some peace.
30 seconds of peace before she came back knocking on my door, asking if she could play some more games. I politely told her to go fuck herself and die in a hole. Of course she didn't do that and stormed off with a pout. The two sisters and Starswirl got used to my sense of humour very quickly and picked up on the words that I used quickly as well.
It finally got to a point in my teachings when Starswirl couldn't teach me anymore things and I was on my own. I somehow managed to make it work and I quickly got my magic to full charge, surprising both Princesses and Starswirl. I shrugged off the praise and piled it onto Starswirl, seeing as he was the one who taught me.
He tried to shrug it off himself, but he didn't have anyone else to dump it on, so he was stuck with it. I still remember how our first lesson went.
I stood in front of Starswirl as he talked to me about concentration on the flow of mana in and out of my body. Half way through, he stopped suddenly, surprising both me and Luna. Celestia was in Day Court and couldn't attend.
I just realised something." He said to me as much as Luna. "We've never actually gotten your name." I laughed and couldn't help but be a smartass.
"That's because first, you didn't ask for it and second, I was too busy being a fuckin' wizard!" He shrugged and responded
"Can you tell us your name then?" I shrugged and told them.
"Andrew Dracon"
Ahh, the good old days. Unfortunately, this was leading up to the Nightmare Moon incident. Luna was noticeably getting more and more depressed, coming in my room more often to kick twelvies asses at Call of Duty. I noticed and asked how she felt about her subjects shunning her.
To say she was surprised was an understatement. I knew exactly what was going on and tried to avoid the incident, but the pressure kept building and building until the dam finally broke and the emotions all came rushing out at once. Celestia tried peace, while Starswirl and I watched from either side of her, but Luna turned to the dark side and became Nightmare Moon. She lashed out in an attack and managed to mortally wound Starswirl. He was getting slower in his old age and wasn't able to get out of the way in time.
I held him in my arms as he gave his last dying breaths.
"Remember... The... Prophecy......"
I shook as sobs racked my body. I had grown stronger and thicker from my training, but that didn't mean I was completely immovable. Well, I only moved of my own accord now. And sobbing was of my own accord, damn it!
Celestia managed to use the Elements to send Nightmare to the moon, but straight after, she broke out in tears. I got over my own sadness and walked over to her, giving her a comforting hug, which only made her cry even more. I eventually caved into the sadness and cried with her. I finally managed to stop and tell Celestia something.
"We need to get over our grief. Remember how Luna felt, we wouldn't want to make her feel worse by her making us mope around all day until she returns."
She looked up at me with a small, sad smile.
"I'm happy you're here Andrew."
We looked around at the ravaged castle.
"So," I started slowly, "wanna build a new castle on that big ass mountain?"
"Sure."
That's how Starswirl died and how Canterlot was founded.
Canterlot was a struggle to start, ponies didn't want to move but they were essentially forced to if they wanted to live. The area around the old castle started to grow into what is now the Everfree Forest, and that is what got them all to move. Things went nicely for a while, the Apple family came to Canterlot and Celestia and I viewed their seeds. I advised Celestia to give them the plot of land next to the Everfree, and after she looked at their haggard appearances, gave it to them to do with as they would. I think I also have control over that forest.
My theory on it is that because things were brought from my world to here, some of the nature blended, and since I'm originally from Earth, I can govern it.
The time finally came to the day before Rainbow Dash did the Sonic Rainboom, causing the Mane 6 to get their cutie marks. I told Celestia to make sure she was outside her Academy for Gifted Unicorns. She gave me a puzzled look but told me she would be. Eh, I would be with her anyway so it didn't really matter too much. I just had to make sure she would make Twilight her personal student.
The day finally arrived when Twilight would try to enter Celestia's academy. I was hanging outside the exam room with Celestia, joking around with her. The citizens of Canterlot had always seen us together, so they either assumed we were an item or I was her personal guard. A few more stuck up nobles had the nerve to ask Celestia 'Why she would let such a horrid animal roam about without being in a cage or a leash.' Those that asked found themselves with their muzzles in the dirt and their foreleg behind their back in a painful position.
There was silence between us as we flew to Ponyville. My thoughts were that Twilight was trying to understand why she was being sent there, but you never know. I also don't want to look into anyone's minds. That would just be an invasion of privacy.
I looked over to Twilight and saw her looking at me as well. It seemed that she had a question that she didn't want to ask, so I got the ball rolling.
"Something you want to know, Twilight?" She looked away briefly before sighing and looking back at me.
"Yeah, there is. A couple of things in fact."
"That's fine. I'll just answer them to what degree I see necessary."
"Fine." She grumbled. "Do you know why the Princess sent me away?"
I nodded, "Yes, I do. Don't worry, it's not that you've done anything bad. If you look at the checklist Spike has, you will see why you are being sent to Ponyville."
Twilight blushed from embarrassment and quickly snatched the scroll from Spike's claws.
"Hey!" He exclaimed, "I was reading that!"
Twilight flashed him an apologetic smile. "Sorry Spike. I just got too caught up in reading something. You can have it back once I'm done."
"Fine." Spike muttered under his breath.
I clapped my hands together to get their attention. "Well it looks like you have everything under control so I'm going to meet you there. See you in a bit!" I gave a quick salute and jumped over the side of the chariot. I summoned a hang glider and glided down to Ponyville. It looked like someone had seen me and decided to make a town wide panic.
I sighed before landing in the town square and chucking away my hang glider. One of the ponies who was still outside decided they would say something stupid.
"Look out! It's a monster from the sky that has come down to eat us all!"
I sighed again and talked loud enough for everyone to hear. "Yes, I'm totally a monster from the heavens sent to eat you all. Fear me. Roar." It was the flattest, most sarcastic voice I had ever used.
"See! It even said so!" The same pony yelled.
"Oh my fucking God! Are you all really that thick? You could practically see the sarcasm falling from my words!"
"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" The pony yelled out again.
It seemed that luck was on my side, because Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy were there, ready to fight me.
"Stay away, you monster! Or else you'll get a hoof full of Rainbow Dash!" Rainbow arrogantly said.
"Oh no! I'm so scared!" I replied with sarcasm thick in my voice.
"Hah! How about you go back to where you came from! Scaredy cat!"
Oh no... She DID NOT!!!
"No one calls me names and get's away with it." I said in a scarily calm voice.
"Oh yeah?! Then why don't you try and hit me?!"
I chuckled darkly before it went into full blown laughter, unnerving the ponies in front of me. I looked up after my laughing fit had subsided, giving them all a psychotic grin, showing an illusion of hundreds of razor sharp teeth for added effect.
"Oh, I will."
In the span of closing your eyes to blink, I ran up to Rainbow Dash and proceeded to knock her out of the air. She landed on the ground with a thud and I was on top of her within another blink of the eye. I sent out a magic pulse to push the others away before putting up a forcefield with a rainbow shine to stop others from interfering.
I jabbed Rainbow in the muzzle once, drawing a bit of blood. I also healed it for her so she wouldn't be unfocused from the pain. I stood back and allowed her to get up. She glared at me but it quickly turned into a look of horror as I started laughing again.
"Go on, I'll give you the next hit." I said with another psychotic grin.
Rainbow didn't need to be told twice, as she flew into the air and looped around to buck me in the face with her back hooves. I let the hit connect, and a loud sound of bones cracking was heard. The others outside of the field cheered for Rainbow, thinking she had either injured me, or killed me. The cheers were quickly replaced with pained screams coming from Rainbow.
"I THINK MY BACK HOOVES ARE BROKEN!!!!!!!"
They all looked at me in fear as I rolled my shoulders and laughed.
"You know," I cracked my knuckles, "I think I might've felt something.
Twilight's POV
I approached the town Andrew called Ponyville and saw it was mostly abandoned.
I wonder what's going on.
I looked closer and saw a group of ponies around a force field with another one inside, fighting what looked like a small mino-
Buck.
That was Andrew in that field! I told the guards to land on the outskirts of town. I thanked them quickly before grabbing Spike in my magic and running to where I saw the group from before.
I found them in the middle of town and put on a burst of speed.
"Can somepony please tell me what's going on?!" I yelled. The ones around me looked at me in surprise before they all started talking at once. I made out 'monster', 'attack', 'Rainbow Dash' and 'fight'.
I sucked in a deep breath, "ANDREW!!" I yelled. I saw him turn to me.
"Yes Twilight?"
"MIND TELLING ME WHY YOU'RE ATTACKING THAT MARE?!"
"Ah yes! You see, this one had the nerve to call me a coward. Not exactly what she said, what Rainbow Dash here said was that I was a 'scaredy cat'. So, you know, can't really let this one slide, even if she is an Element."
Everypony around me looked at me in shock.
"You know this brute?!" The white Unicorn exclaimed.
"That's Rarity, by the way!" Andrew yelled out from the shield. He was letting Rainbow attack him, and all it seemed to be doing was hurting her instead of him.
"*Sigh* Yes I know Andrew. He's been a friend of mine ever since I was a filly in Canterlot."
"You live in CANTERLOT?!" Rarity asked in shock.
"Now's not the time, Rarity." The orange Earth Pony scolded.
"I agree Applejack!" Andrew yelled out once again.
"How does he know our names?" Applejack asked.
I sighed once more, "That's something even the Princess doesn't know. And they've been friends since thousands of years ago."
"1052 years to be exact!" Andrew added in once more.
"So why is he fighting with Dashie?" The pink Earth Pony asked.
"Because, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow called me a coward. Now, those in Canterlot have learned to never call me that. Monster, I can tolerate. Coward, for some reason I cannot." Andrew yelled out again
"What happened to those who called you a coward?" The yellow Pegasus asked.
"Hospital. For weeks, sometimes even months. Once, a couple of years. That's why no one gets on my bad side, Fluttershy."
Fluttershy 'eeped' and tried hiding behind her mane.
"Now then Rainbow, are you ready to be in a whole world of pain?" Andrew asked while looking back at the mess of the once proud Pegasus on the ground behind him.
All Rainbow Dash could do was shake her head and cry.
"You know, I might be able to give you a chance."
She looked up at him with hope in her eyes.
"But you would have to do something."
She looked back down and started crying again.
"It's quite easy really. Al you have to do, is one simple thing."
Rainbow looked up once more.
"Lose. The. Ego."
"What do you mean?" Rainbow choked out through her sobs.
"I'm meaning the whole 'I'm the best flyer in Equestria' thing and everything else you do to make yourself seem better than other ponies. It's always annoyed me. Pissed me off a thousand years ago, looks like it still does now."
Rainbow Dash nodded and Andrew stood back up again. "Good."
Andrew's POV
"Good." I said after I stood up straight again. I've always wanted to do something about Rainbow Dash's ego, now it looks like that's something I've done.
I waved my hands over Rainbow's body, healing any injuries she sustained during our little bout. Once that was done, I moved to the edge of the shield and powered it down.
"How about we start over?" I asked. "My names Andrew, and even though I already know everything about you guys, I still think we should do this properly. I know you of all ponies would enjoy this, Rarity."
They all looked shocked at my insight.
"I take it Twilight told you all about how I know when everything is going to happen, where it's going to happen and how I know a lot about most ponies in Equestria?"
"She did, but not how you knew." Rarity answered.
"That, is a story for another time." I said with a chuckle. "You know what? Screw the introductions. We all know each other, how about we go check on the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration? That's what we came here to do."
Everyone agreed and before I could take us all to Sweet Apple Acres, I shouted out one last thing to all the hiding ponies.
"YOU CAN ALL COME OUT NOW! I PROMISE YOU I WON'T BITE AND YOU CAN ALL GO AROUND YOUR DAILY LIVES WHILE WE CHECK UP ON WHAT WE NEED TO! GOOD DAY TO ALL OF YOU!"
With that, I teleported us all to Sweet Apple Acres.
"Here we are! Sorry about the sudden teleport, but I didn't feel like walking."
"That's fine," Applejack started, "Ah can show you mah family and the food."
"We'll have to postpone on meeting Applebloom, Big Macintosh and Granny Smith until another time. The sooner we get this done, the longer we can spend at Pinkie's surprise party."
"Aww, how'd ya know?" Pinkie whined.
"I know a lot of things about you six. Let's leave it at that... I didn't stalk you if that's what you were wondering" A few sighs of relief were heard.
"Next was weather. Rainbow?" She looked at me again. I could see the fear that lingered in her eyes. "I trust you can get that done in time? Preferably before the party."
"S-s-sure! I'm the f-f-fastest flyer in E-E-Equestria a-after a-all!"
I gave her a glare. "Remember, working on that ego."
She cast her gaze to the ground. "R-r-right. Sorry."
I sighed and stopped her. The rest of the group walked a bit further and finally noticed us behind them. They turned to us with confusion on their faces. Rainbow Dash froze up at the contact.
"Rainbow, I don't want you to always fear me. In fact, I don't want any of you to." I said in a soft voice. "If you want, do you want me to remove your memories of that fight we had so you don't have nightmares or become mentally scarred for life?"
She thought for a bit before nodding.
"Ok, I won't remove anything else." I closed my eyes to concentrate. As I delved deeper into Rainbow's mind, I saw how she viewed me. To her, I was a demon from Tartarus with shadows flowing off my body. My eyes giving off a soul piercing red light with my mouth permanently set in a maniacal, psychotic, sadistic smile filled with teeth that could rip through any material with ease. I felt hurt that this was how she saw me.
Time to change that.
I took out her memories of our fighting and decided to give her a parting gift. I left her a few memories of me in my kindest, most tender, moments. I also left her a few locked ones that could only be accessed when certain events came to pass.
As I left her subconscious, I saw everyone looking at me with worry.
"What?"
That snapped them out of their trance.
"I never knew you could be that nice, Darling." Rarity commented.
Huh?
"Darn tootin'. That was some of the nicest things Ah've ever seen somepony do." Applejack added.
"Even nicer than some things I've done." Fluttershy said.
"Wowie zowie! That makes me want to cry from how nice it was!" There's Pinkie's usual randomness.
"I never knew you were that kind." Twilight muttered to herself more than anyone else.
I felt someone wrap their hooves around me and saw it was Rainbow Dash hugging me with tears in her eyes.
"Thanks for doing that big guy. It means a lot."
"No problem, but how did you all see those memories?"
Twilight shuffled nervously. "I might've cast a spell to let me see what you were doing... And it might've displayed everything you did. Although, there was a part at the end where nothing showed up."
Good.
"Never. Ever. Do that. Again. Am I clear?"
Twilight nodded furiously. "Good."
I continued walking. "Rarity, could you please show us the decor?"
"Of course." She replied, "I think you will all enjoy it."
"Just through here and... Ta da!"
Rarity led us through town to the town hall, where the celebration would be located. The ponies seemed to have calmed down and didn't flee at the sight of me. They were nervous, which was to be expected, but they seemed a bit better.
The doors opened up to reveal a large circular room with banners and tapestries hanging from the roof. Ribbons travelled all around the room to different spectator platforms, attaching themselves to flowers situated in the middle of balconies. A red carpet travelled from the entrance to the podium at the end.
I nodded to show my approval.
"It looks very nice, Rarity. I reckon this would be one of your best jobs yet. Even if it's not a dress."
Everyone else voiced their approval.
"Thank you, everypony. Hopefully the Princess will enjoy it."
"I'm sure Celly will like it. Maybe even NM." I muttered the last part under my breath.
Rarity looked shocked at what I call Celestia though. So did everyone else, except Spike and Twilight.
"Did you just call the Princess... 'Celly'?"
"Yep. Have been for 1052 years. We're pretty chummy with each other."
"That explains it."
I clapped my hands again. "Next, and lastly, music! Fluttershy, I know that you have got this organised so I'll leave you to show everyone else. Pinkie, could you come with me please?"
"Sure!" Pinkie replied.
"Oh, ok. Follow me everypony." Fluttershy said quietly.
Pinkie and I left before them and I quickly drew her to the side.
"Ok, I'm going to organise for Twilight to come to the library, but I'm going to need you to set up a 'Welcome to Ponyville' party. Can you do that?"
"Yep!"
"Good." I looked over my shoulder and saw Twilight emerging with the rest of the group. "Twilight! When you're done meet us at the library!" I called.
"Umm, ok?"
"Good, see you then!"
With that, Pinkie and I set off, both of us bouncing, for the library.
We both made it to the Golden Oaks Library in record time, thanks to bouncing being faster than walking, and started preparing the lobby for Twilight's party. Pinkie got the food, drinks and decorations from her 'Pinkie Space' and I did everything that required height. Whether it was hanging up streamers, putting up a disco ball, organising shelves to put arty decorations on, I did it.
Pinkie, in the meantime, was going crazy. She zipped back and forth, putting out refreshments and covering the floor in confetti. We finally finished it and stood back to admire our work.
"Well Pinkie, I reckon this will do it."
"I don't 'reckon', I know!"
"Hopefully Twilight enjoys it. She always was a bit of an introvert."
"Oh, she will." Pinkie said a darkly.
"Good." I said in the same tone, tapping my fingers together. We both started laughing evilly in evil voices, muttering about our evil plans.
Or we would've if the guests didn't start showing up and getting in position to surprise Twilight. Damn ponies ruining my evil moments. Oh well, can't always be winners.
I peered out the window and saw the group we left earlier approaching the library.
"Everyone! Get into your positions!" I whisper yelled.
Everyone complied and soon, everyone was in hiding. I turned the lights off before making myself invisible to everyone else and standing next to the door. Not the side it opened up to. That would just be stupid. Soon enough, I heard the chatter of voices from outside the door.
"Sorry everypony, but I'd really appreciate it if Spike and I could be alone tonight."
"That's alright Sugarcube. We'll see you in time for the Summer Sun Celebration." I heard Applejack's voice say.
"Thanks!" The door suddenly opened only to close again. I brought in Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity and Rainbow Dash and quickly shushed them. I sent them a message letting them all know what was happening. I made out their nodding heads in the dark and allowed myself a brief smile.
"Don't you think that was a bit rude, Twilight?" Spike asked.
"Sorry Spike, but I really need to let the Princess know about Nightmare Moon. And I can't do that with a bunch of ponies around. Now, where's the light?"
That was my cue. I turned on the lights and everyone around me shouted out;
"SURPRISE!"
I saw Twilight and Spike jump pretty much 10 feet into the air and proceeded to laugh my ass off.
"Andrew?! Were you in on this?!" Twilight exclaimed. I merely continued laughing and pointed to Pinkie. Twilight turned to her and Pinkie gave her a Pinkie-thon.
Yeah. That. Anyway, Twilight couldn't keep up with what Pinkie was saying and proceeded to pour herself a drink. Knowing what she was pouring, I slapped it out of her grip.
"Why'd you do that?!" She demanded angrily.
"You were pouring hot sauce." I stated flatly.
"Oh... Whoops."
"Yeah, whoops is a bit of an understatement." I remarked.
The party got into full swing after that. Twilight continued to attempt to leave for upstairs so she could hide in her room the entire time, but I followed her around, made sure she talked with other ponies and whenever she would sneak past me, I would go up to her room and drag her down by her tail. The first few times she tried to fight it, but she eventually gave in and accepted that I would drag her down.
At one point, though, I had enough, "Twilight, Princess Celestia sent you here to make friends. It says so on the scroll she sent you. You can't make friends if you lock yourself away."
She sighed and caved in. "Fine."
I nodded in satisfaction and left to mess around with the town ponies. They finally got over their fear of me and treated me like they would to anyone else. This made me happy on the inside and I started to enjoy myself even more. At one point, I decided to take things up a notch.
I used my magic to summon up my PS4 from Canterlot, not before putting enchantments on it to make sure it couldn't be copied or damaged in any way, and challenged everyone to a round of Black Ops II. The only ones who were able to put up much of a challenge were Unicorns, although the Pegasi could used their wings like hands. Sorta. Not quite. It got quite fun.
Applejack and Rainbow naturally rose to the challenge first. I decided to go easy on them and only used my Ballistic Knife. I also let them both team up against me. The max score was 30, to make sure everyone could get a go. The end of our first round ended up 30 - 0, my way. The two ponies were shocked that I beat them so easily. I let them have another go and put bots on their team. Maximum amount, hardest difficulty. Although it seemed like they were idle to me now.
This time, I used the Scar-H because they had bots. I won again, 30 - 1. That one kill was a bot who got me while I was piloting a Dragonfire. I went around the entire town, winning every time. 30 - 0 was the recurring score. Until it came to Twilight and Spike's turn. Twilight put up a decent fight, with the score being 30 - 4, my way. Spike was by far the best because of his claws. He did the best with a score of 30 - 6. The times he killed me was when I was being stupid and rushed him with a knife. He still got the most kills.
After that had finished, ponies were swarming me, asking how I managed to get so good. I only laughed and told them;
"Practice. Lots and lots of practice."
It eventually came to the time of the sunrise and everyone filed out of the library and made their way to the town hall. When we made our way inside, I heard everyone talking about how good the decorations looked. I relayed this to Rarity and she had tears of joy and pride in her eyes.
It finally came to the time.
"Fillies and Gentlecolts, as mayor of Ponyville, it is my great pleasure to announce the beginning of the Summer Sun Celebration." The mayor said. The crowd cheered before she continued. "In just a few moments, our town will witness the magic of the sunrise and celebrate this, the longest day of the year."
I saw Twilight look up at the moon. I watched with her as the head of Nightmare Moon disappeared from it.
"And now," The mayor continued, "It is my great honour to introduce to you the ruler of our land. The very pony who gives us the sun and the moon each and every day. The good, the wise, the bringer of harmony to all of Equestria, Princess Celestia!"
With that, the songbirds started singing and the curtains parted to reveal...
...Nothing!
"This can't be good." I heard Twilight say.
I just shrugged. "Meh."
"How can you be so calm at a time like this?!"
"Reasons."
"Argh!"
"Love ya too."
Twilight decided it would be wise to stay quiet.
The crowd gasped when they noticed their Princess wasn't on the balcony. The mayor tried to keep order.
"Remain calm everypony, there must be a reasonable explanation."
Pinkie started bouncing."Oh! Oh! I love guessing games! Is she hiding?" She started looking around the room.
"Pinkie, just stay still for a bit, okay?" I asked.
"Okie dokie lokie!"
Rarity decided that the town wasn't panicked enough and made an announcement. "She's gone!"
The entire town gasped once more.
I quickly put my hand over Pinkie's mouth before she could say anything else. All that came out were a few muffled words. And a muffled scream.
I turned back to the balcony and saw the smoke starting to appear.
Nightmare Moon.
As I finished that thought, Nightmare Moon appeared. She looked down at everyone before flapping her wings. I saw Spike faint and fall off Twilight's back.
"Oh my beloved subjects, it's been so long since I've seen you precious sun loving faces." She said.
"What have you done with our Princess?" Rainbow demanded. She attempted to fly up there to confront Nightmare Moon, but I used my magic to keep her on the ground.
Nightmare laughed, "Why? Am I not royal enough for you?" She sneered. "Does my crown no longer count now that I have been imprisoned for a thousand years? Did you not recall the legend? Did you not see the signs?"
"Yo Moonbutt!" I called out. Everyone around me gasped and stepped away.
Nightmare growled. "What did you just call me?!"
"Moonbutt. That's what I called you. Remember me?" I asked with a smirk.
Her eyes narrowed in rage and thought until they widened in realisation. "You!"
"Me." I agreed. "Good to see your memory hasn't failed you in your old age." I taunted.
"You should be dead! No one except my sister can live for this long!" She yelled.
"Welp, look at me. Alive and kicking. Not a day over 1073." I put a finger to my chin in thought. "Actually, now that I think about it, I should be dead. But I'm not. So deal with it Moony."
She growled and sent out a beam of magic at my chest. "Hahaha! Looks like you will be dead soon!"
The smoke cleared around me, "You know, one would think that you would've learned by now." My expression turned to that of a serious one, "You can't kill a Demi-God." I sent a magic blast at Nightmare and quickly scooped up the Mane 6 and booked it for the Everfree.
As we ran, they all asked me questions.
"Where are we going?!"
"Why'd ya do that?!"
"What did you do?!"
The first one was the more common one.
"I'll answer them in the order I heard them. Where are we going? We are going to the Everfree Forest. Why? To get the Elements of Harmony. Why did I do that? Because I felt like it. What did I do? I only sent a ball of pure harmonic energy at her. The reason why I didn't use more of it to defeat her is because I don't have near enough energy to do that."
That was a lie. I could've easily restored Luna to control and we wouldn't have to go on this crazy run for some rocks, but that would mess up the story.
I made it to the edge and set everyone down. "Well, here we are." I announced.
I started walking and that pretty much forced the others to follow me. I didn't pay attention to what they were talking about, and only focused on the ground in front of me. I saw the cliff that they were all supposed to fall down, and started walking with extra caution. Soon enough, screams of terror and the sound of a rockslide came to my ears. I immediately rushed into action, grabbing Applejack and speeding after Twilight.
I made it to her just in time to catch her before she could fall.
"Applejack, Andrew! What do I do?!" We both looked up before returning our gazes to her.
"Let go." We both said simultaneously.
"Are you crazy?!"
"Twilight, you're gonna have to trust us. We're telling you the truth. Let go, and everything will be fine." I said in a calm, soothing voice.
Twilight calmed down enough and let her hold of us go. She started screaming and falling, but the two Pegasi of the group caught her before she could fall too far.
I brought Applejack down, and we all continued on our way.
We walked with little to no inconveniences until a Manticore appeared in front of us, roaring. I rushed forward and started petting it, calming it down. I signalled to Fluttershy, and she walked up to the Manitcore's paw and nuzzled it. It opened up it's paw and we saw the biggest thorn ever stuck in it.
"Aww, there there." Fluttershy cooed. "This will only hurt a bit." She quickly pulled the thorn out and the Manticore roared in her face.
"FLUTTERSHY!" They all exclaimed.
The Manticore started licking Fluttershy while purring like a cat would.
"How did you know to do that?" Twilight asked, walking up to us.
"Sometimes, everyone needs to be shown a little kindness."
"Yep." I added to remind everyone I was here. They all went past me though and I trailed behind them.
We kept walking and I realised what was next.
"Rarity, don't say anything." I quickly said when Rarity opened her mouth.
"Why?" She asked.
Suddenly, the forest was plunged into darkness.
"Oh. That's why." She said sheepishly.
I nodded even though they couldn't see me and crossed my arms. "Damn right that's why you shouldn't"
We kept walking a bit further until Applejack said something. "Uhh, Ah think Ah stepped in something."
Fluttershy screamed.
"What? It's just a bit of mud."
"Applejack, look where you're walking." I quipped.
Applejack turned to face in front of her and found herself face to face with a tree. It was a tree. Nothing special. Except for the 'scary' faces. One by one, the girls started screaming in a tight circle until Pinkie and I started laughing our asses off.
"Huh?" They all asked at once. They turned their heads to see us both laughing at the faces.
"What are you two doing? Run!" Twilight exclaimed.
"Twilight! Look at them! This one looks like someone shat on it!" I said in between laughs. Pinkie was just making faces.
"Oh girls, don't you see?" She remarked before singing.
I decided to join Pinkie in her little song and dance, and we all fell over laughing at our ridiculous antics.
We finally picked ourselves up and continued on our way. Everyone kept laughing while I strayed behind them slightly.
Next is generosity. Looks like we'll be seeing Steven Magnet soon.
After I finished that thought, I noticed the laughter had stopped and everyone's bodies had accompanied. I quickly cast a shield above me to stop water from getting on me, and stood with the girls.
"YO! STEVEN MAGNET!" I yelled, "MIND TELLING US WHY YOU'RE CRYING?!"
He stopped his thrashing to look at me.
"How did you know my name?" He asked.
I shrugged, "I know lots of things. I won't explain further than that."
"Fair enough. Anyway, here I was, minding my own business when suddenly, WOOSH!, this little cloud of purple smoke just whizzed past, tearing off half of my beloved moustache."
"Hmm." I said in thought. I knew what to do, but I had to fake thinking.
"Oh you poor, poor thing!" There it is! "You have such luminescent scales."
"I know." Steven sniffed.
"And such a wonderfully stylized mane."
"I know!" He said more proudly.
"All ruined without your beautiful moustache."
"I know!"
"I simply cannot let this crime against fabulosity go unanswered."
Rarity quickly picked off a scale and cut her tail off. She used her magic to attach it on to Steven's broken half.
"Oh thank you!" Steven said.
"It was of no problem." Rarity responded.
"Oh, Rarity. Your beautiful tail." Twilight said.
"Oh, it's fine Darling. Short tails are in this season."
I moved closer to Rarity and Steven. "Hold on you guys." I used my magic to regrow Rarity's tail into it's original style and I made Steven's new moustache half look like it did before it got torn off.
"There you go, my gift to you two." I said when I finished.
"Thank you, Andrew." Rarity responded.
"Yes, thank you." Steven thanked.
"No problem." I looked to the river. "Let's just cross this river."
"Allow me." Steven said while making a bridge across with his body.
We thanked him and continued on our way. The forest steadily got darker and more sinister as we continued.
Looks like we're coming up to the test of Loyalty,
I saw a bridge through the fog that settled in and told the others.
"Then let's get going!" Twilight said excitedly before galloping off.
"Twilight, wait! The bridge isn't-"
Her scream cut me off.
"-Connected. *sigh*"
I jogged to catch up in time to see Rainbow drag Twilight away from the cliff edge.
"What's with you and falling off cliffs today?" Rainbow remarked.
"Now how are we going to get over?" Pinkie asked.
"Duh." Rainbow said while waving her wings around.
"Oh yeah!"
Rainbow flew over and I jumped over with her. I saw something through the fog.
"Rainbow, stay here and tie up that bridge."
"On it!"
I walked over to where I thought I saw the object from before, only to see a mirror. I walked closer to it, and only saw my reflection. Weird. I was about to walk away until I saw two figures emerge from the fog.
"Hello Andrew." One of them said. A mare, I think it was.
"This is your way to go home. The chance to see your family again from where you left off. To forget this ever happened." The other, a stallion, added.
"All you have to do, is walk through the mirror." The mare said.
"Yeah... How about no?" I said before walking away.
"Oh, you will either leave or die." They both threatened.
"I'd like to see you try." They both lunged for me but I caught them with my hands wrapped around their throats.
"Nice try. I'll see you in never." I said before snapping their necks. I walked back over to Rainbow, only to see three Shadowbolts about to pounce on her. I ran to them and kicked one into the other two. I helped Rainbow up before using magic to destroy them.
"You didn't kill them... Did you?" She asked a bit fearfully.
I chuckled. "No, they were bits of Nightmare Moon's magic. All I did was send them back to her."
I turned to the bridge. "Let's get this set up."
We tied a knot in the rope and walked back over to everyone else. They all cheered for us and we walked back over.
Soon enough, we made it to an empty, stone room with the Elements on this weird statue.
"Yo Twilight. There are the Elements. Do your thing." I said. I watched as the others brought them to Twilight.
"1, 2, 3, 4, there's only five." Pinkie counted.
"Where's the sixth?" Rainbow asked.
"The sixth one will be here when there is a certain 'spark'." I said. "Let's leave Twilight to do her thing."
The others all left, but I made myself invisible and waited next to Twilight for Nightmare Moon. Next thing I know, Twilight starts charging a spell and Nightmare makes a small tornado around the Elements, about to take them away. I stepped into the area and Twilight opened her eyes to see the Elements about to disappear.
"Wah!" Twilight said in shock before she jumped in as well.
"Twilight!" I heard the girls say.
The whirlwind around us caved in on itself, bringing the Elements, Twilight and myself to Nightmare Moon.
Twilight gasped when she saw the Elements with Nightmare Moon. Her expression changed to a serious one and she pawed at the ground, preparing to charge.
Twilight's response was to charge, which Nightmare followed with after putting the Elements down. I ran alongside Twilight and kept pace easily. Twilight charged her horn and right before she reached Nightmare, she teleported to the Elements. She stumbled woozily before regaining her focus.
When Twilight teleported, I delivered a fierce uppercut to Nightmare, sending her to the roof. Her horn got stuck in the rook as she tried in vain to set it free. I looked over to Twilight noticing that she had started a spark between them. Wrong spark. Nightmare noticed this and managed to teleport in the circle. This sent a spark at Twilight, who got pushed away from the Elements.
They all continued to spark, which worried Nightmare Moon.
"No! No!"
Twilight gained a smug look as she watched the Alicorn freak out. Suddenly, the Elements stopped sparking, making the smug look go away.
"But- but where's the sixth Element?"
Nightmare Moon started cackling before she proceeded to smash the Elements, sending the shards to Twilight. I watched from the side, ready to step in. Nightmare Moon got up and walked menacingly over to Twilight.
"You fool! You thought you could defeat me? ME?! I will show you why they call me the Mare in the Moon!" With that, Nightmare lifted a hoof, preparing to strike down Twilight.
If I didn't appear next to her.
"Sorry Moonbutt. Play times over."
With a heavy punch, I sent Nightmare into the wall.
"Andrew!"
I turned to Twilight. "Nice to see you too. I'll keep Nightmare distracted until the others get here. You'll know what to do."
With that, I re-engaged Nightmare, sending a volley of magical bombs at her. While she was busy dodging them, I ran up to her at a normal speed and punched her squarely in the nose. I grabbed her foreleg and swung her around. I let go, sending her into a wall and followed her. She sent a stream of lightning through the smoke, making contact with my body.
I tanked through it though. When the smoke cleared, I watched Nightmare's smug look change to one of horror as she saw her beam had done no harm to me.
"*yawn* That kinda tickled." I taunted. I ran at her, faster then she could follow and slammed her back into the wall. I looked back over to the staircase, and watched as the other ponies made their way up them.
I saw something sparkle in Twilight's eye as she heard them calling for her. Nightmare came out of the hole she made in the wall and tried to rush Twilight, only for me to hold he down.
"You think you can destroy the Elements just like that?" She asked with confidence. "Because the spirit of the Elements, are right here!"
I kinda tuned her out at this point. I mean, every Brony knows how it goes.
Applejack; spirit of Honesty. Assured me in the face of doubt. Bleh, bleh bleh.
Fluttershy; spirit of Kindness. Helped out a raging Manticore. Bleh, bleh bleh.
Pinkie; spirit of Laughter. Laughed in teh face of danger. Yes, I meant to write 'teh'. Deal wit it. I meant to write that like that too.
Rarity; spirit of Generosity. Gave to that big ass sea serpent who needed a new moustache.
Rainbow; spirit of Loyalty. Wouldn't abandon her friends for her hearts desire,
Together they make up the 'spark' which makes the last Element appear. The Element of Magic!
Yeah.
So anyway, Twilight finished all that, but what happened next was a doozy.
They all got into a formation, about to shoot Nightmare Moon into oblivion, but when the beam came out, it connected with my body. Giving the magic inside of me a boost. It pretty much just upgraded me to just below a full blown God. Anyway, the rainbow engulfed me. On the outside, it looked like the Elements hit the wrong person.
On the inside, I was shining with a rainbow glow. All of my skin turned into a flowing rainbow, making me stronger, as I said before. Once the rainbow dissipated around me, I moved closer to Nightmare Moon.
"Of course!" I heard Twilight say, "Andrew! The Balance of Chaos and Harmony!"
I towered over the cowering Nightmare. "Indeed, Twilight. Now say goodbye, Moony." With that, I raised my arm towards Nightmare and fired a massive rainbow beam.
"NOOOOOO!!!!!"
With a bright flash, everyone around me collapsed. I turned around to the girls on the floor and watched as they dragged themselves up to a standing position.
"Everypony ok?" Twilight asked.
A chorus of 'yes' answered her.
"Gee Twilight, Ah thought you were spouting a bunch a hooey, but Ah guess we really do represent the Elements of Friendship." Applejack said.
"Indeed you do." A voice said. There was a flash of light and the sun began to rise. When the sun stopped moving, a ball of white light travelled down in front of us. The ball started to dissipate and left standing there, was Princess Celestia.
Everyone started bowing. It was the perfect moment...
...That I ruined.
"Hey Celly, are they called the Elements of Harmony, or Elements of Friendship? 'Cause I've always had a problem with that."
Everyone turned to face me when I asked that, and they all gasped at what they saw. They saw my body shape and size, but I looked to be made out of a flowing rainbow with piercing, white eyes.
"Yeah, I know. This looks pretty cool. Not gonna lie, I did not expect something like this to happen. Even with all my knowledge."
"Hmm, it seems the harmonic magic in you body is given a boost when you're in this form. It also seems that as a whole, harmonic magic levels and power have gone up." Celestia said after scanning over my body.
"Welp, I'm going to see if I can change back. Even out the magics a bit more." With that I started focusing on my body and found a large amount of harmonic energy overflowing the boundaries my body sets. I cut it all off and then put all of the magic back together. It held, but I knew that if I didn't get more chaos magic soon, I would have to ditch some of the harmonic magic.
"Hey, Celly. Do you have anymore leftover chaos magic? I kinda need some when we get back to Canterlot." I whispered in her ear.
"I'll have a look for you."
"Thanks."
I turned to face where Nightmare Moon was, and found a small, blue Alicorn.
I walked up to the Alicorn with Celestia. When we got close enough, I said something.
"So Luna, when do you want to get that wedding organised?"
Everyone behind me froze up, but what I said did the trick. Luna woke up and dived on me, giving me a massive hug and started raining kisses down on my face.
"Andrew! It's so great to see you again! But don't you dare use that as a way to wake me up. We would have to ask Celestia as well. And we would have to do that when she wakes up, so then we would have to wait all night." Luna said.
"Yeah." I turned to Celestia, "So what would be the best day for the three of us to get married?"
"Waitwaitwaitwait! Hold on just a second!" Rainbow exclaimed.
"You're engaged... To the PRINCESSES?!" Rarity shrieked.
"And you didn't tell me this... Because?!" Twilight demanded.
I sighed and turned to them. "BEFORE Luna turned to Nightmare Moon, I had proposed to these two. I had been here for 52 years at this point, and we had a solid relationship. I started developing feelings for them, and so when we were alone, overlooking the small city we had going near this castle, I asked them. They both said yes, and we needed to plan a date for the wedding. Luna started getting depressed, became Nightmare Moon, got banished, Celestia and I agreed it would be better to wait on the wedding for when Luna came back, that's pretty much the gist of it."
Everyone's jaws had hit the floor at this point.
"I think we'll have to get together later and discuss this." Celestia said.
"Yeah, that's a good idea." I added.
"Yes, I agree." Luna agreed.
"Anyway, now that we're all back together and forgiven. Pinkie, you may do the honours." I said.
Pinkie gasped and somehow brought us all to Ponyville in a flash.
"PARTY TIME!" She shrieked in joy. She quickly set up a massive town-wide party, and everyone came outside to join in on the festivities.
I rode with Celestia and Luna on the royal chariot, and watched as two fillies put a ring of flowers around Luna's neck. Tears of gratitude were in her eyes. The two of us just smiled at her and nodded. I watched as Twilight had a sudden mood swing, and became depressed. I pointed it out to Celly and we both went over to her.
"Why so glum, my faithful student?" Celestia started. "Are you not happy that your quest is complete and you can return to your studies in Canterlot?"
"That's just it. Just when I learn how wonderful it is to have friends, I have to leave them."
Celestia smiled. "Spike, take a letter." Spike brought out a scroll and a quill out of nowhere, "I, Princess Celestia, hereby decree that the unicorn, Twilight Sparkle, shall take on a new mission for Equestria. She must continue to study the magic of friendship, she must report to me her findings, from her new home in Ponyville."
The Mane 6 cheered.
"Oh thank you Princess Celestia! I'll study harder than ever before!" The crowd cheered and the camera slowly zoomed out of Ponyville, giving a view of the whole town.
Watch out! A wild Pinkie appeared!
"Isn't this exciting?! Areyouexcited,becauseI'mexcited!I'veneverbeensoexcited! Well, except for the time that I went *GASP* but I mean really-"
"Pinkie," I said after I placed my hand over her mouth, "The audience has left. They grew bored and left now that the interesting part's happened."
"Oh." She mumbled through my hand.
"It's okay though. They're the one's missing out on the awesome party!"
I took my hand away and she gasped before zipping back to town.
"Typical Pinkie." I said while shaking my head in amusement.
I walked back to town, ready to challenge everyone to another Call of Duty round.
Well that was fun. I had just gotten back to Canterlot from the party for Luna in Ponyville. The Black Ops rematch I did with the town was hilarious. Everyone lost 30 - 0, even Twilight and Spike, but when it got to Luna? Wow. I knew that Luna was good, so I put the score up to 100 and infinite time, and we started the match.
Songs could be sung about our epic battle for Champion for generations. It was the perfect balance of sweat...
... And swearing.
"COME ON YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!"
"BUCK YOU YOU MOTHERBUCKING DIPSHIT!"
"THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT GAME WITH IT'S BULLSHIT PHYSICS!"
"HOW DO YOU SHOOT SOMEPONY IN THE HEAD WITH A SHOTGUN AT POINT BLANK RANGE AND THEY DON'T DIE?!"
Yeah... I bet you can tell who said what.
Anyway, the score was really close, and I mean really close. Try 100 - 99. My way still. I had practiced for the last thousand years after all.
"HOW THE BUCK DID YOU BEAT ME?!"
"Try not being stuck on the moon for a thousand years?"
"Oh. Right."
After that, I just left it alone and let the town play it as they wanted. If only Button Mash was a unicorn. He would do so much better that way.
Anyway, getting of track. Celestia, Luna and I went back to Canterlot and boy was that a good ride. I'll tell you what happened.
"..............."
"..............."
"..............."
"............ So..."
"........ Good weather, right?"
"............... I agree."
"............."
".............................................................................................................................................WASN'T THAT PARTY JUST THE BEST?!"
It was awkward. I'll give you a hint as to who said what. Celly, me, Luna. There, have fun working it out.
So we got back to the castle and first thing I did was......
...
...
Take us all to Celly's bedroom. Now we could've done numerous things in there, but we only did a couple. Namely, organising a room for Luna, and, planning the wedding.
"So when do you think the best time would be?" I asked.
"We have Shining Armour and Cadance's wedding coming up and a couple of months time." Celestia replied.
"Shining Armour? Cadance?" Luna asked.
"Oh right! You haven't met them yet. Hold on." I snapped my fingers and Shining and Cadance both appeared in front of Luna. With matching clown outfits on because why not.
"Andrew, did you really have to do that?" Cadance complained.
"Would you rather that, or something else? You know how good my imagination is."
Cadance shuddered, "I... I think I'm good."
I nodded, "Luna, this is Cadance and Shining Armour." I pointed to them respectively. "Shining here is Twilight's BBBFF," Everyone in the room looked at me in shock or confusion.
"How do you know that?"
Or
"What does that mean?"
Were the two question's I was asked.
"BBBFF stands for Big Brother Best Friend Forever, and I know it because reasons. You're not going to get much else out of me." I added that last part because I saw Shining's mouth open. He promptly closed it again and wisely didn't say anything else.
"Continuing on with my explanation, Shining is the Captain of the Royal Guard and Cadance is the Princess of Love and your niece."
"Hello Shining Armour and Cadance." Luna said.
"Hello Luna." They both said.
"Now that introductions are out of the way," I clapped my hands twice in rapid succession and the room was remodelled. I was on a plush, red sofa with my arms around Luna and Celestia and Shining Armour and Cadance were on another one opposite to us. A small coffee table appeared in the middle with a tray containing a tea kettle, complete with cups and biscuits.
"We have a wedding to plan."
The two across from us were confused. "But haven't we already planned the wedding? Nopony else that I know is giving off love indicating that they're getting married."
Luna and I started laughing our lungs out whereas Celestia let out a small chuckle. "Yes, but we're not talking about you're wedding." Celly said to them.
"Then who's?" Cadance asked.
I managed to control my laughing long enough to respond. "Ours." I went back to laughing.
When Luna and I ran out of laughs, we looked back to the couple on the couch. They both had shocked expressions.
"Do you think we should just leave them like that?" I asked. I got a wing smack for that. "What? Watch this."
I got up and walked in front of them. "Hello?" I said, waving my arm in front of their faces. "Helloelloelloelloelloello~?" I turned to face the two Alicorns on the couch.
"See? Nothing!" I faced the couple once more and went about slapping them lightly on the cheeks.
"C'mon... c'monc'monc'monc'monc'monc'monc'mon!" They finally came back to the world of the living and proceeded to laugh at us.
"I'm sorry, Auntie Celestia... Did you just say... You were getting married... With Andrew?!" Cadance managed to get out between her laughs.
"Yes. I did." Celestia answered simply.
"Along with myself." Luna said in a flat tone, indicating she was fed up with the laughing.
The couple stopped laughing.
"Well..." Shining said.
"This is..." Cadance trailed off.
"Interesting?" They said simultaneously.
"Why is it that I didn't sense your love earlier?" Cadance asked.
"We sealed it away with magic and put a condition on it. When Luna returned and was cleansed from the Elements, we would get our love back. It was the only way we wouldn't act on that love." I answered.
Cadance shrugged, "Fair enough."
"Back to the task at hoof," Luna started, "We are thinking of having the wedding on the same day after yours and saying our vows after you do. Is this fair?"
Shining and Cadance got off the couch and walked to an area away so we couldn't hear what they were saying. They finished soon enough and returned to their spots on the couch.
"We both agree that it would be best for you to do it then." Shining said.
"Good. Now that that's done..." I trailed off purposely and brought the mares on either side of me closer to me. I quickly kissed them both on the lips, resulting in the two of them blushing and Cadance gaining a smile that could rival Pinkie's.
Celestia and Luna looked at each other and smirked before looking at me.
"What are you two-"
I was cut off by both of them kissing me passionately. After the initial surprise, I quickly deepened it. Making it even more passionate.
"So Luna, want to kick some twelvie butt together?"
Luna had the happiest expression I had seen in a long time.
"Do I?!"
"Do you?"
"Do !?!"
"Do you?"
"Do I?!"
"Do you?"
".........Just shut up and carry me there."
"Okay!" I said cheerfully.
I picked Luna up and took her to my room. When we got there, I made the TV bigger and summoned Luna's custom controller. It was the same colour as her fur, a midnight blue, with starts imprinted on it. Her cutie mark was painted on the track pad, somehow not interfering with how it worked. I sat her down in a beanbag and summoned another for myself. I plopped down in it and turned on the PS4. I opened up Black Ops II and we joined a lobby. Our names were as followed:
Mine - Chaotic_Harmony
Luna's - Nightmare_Luna
I made mine like that as a little reference to my magic and I advised Luna on it because she was a nightmare on the battlefield. This was before Nightmare Moon, remember that.
This is some of the things that happened.
Lobby:
"Who the fuck are these noobs?" A voice said through our headsets.
"The ones who are going to kick your sorry ass." I retorted.
"Pfft, I'd like to see you try." The voice responded.
"Oh, we'll do much more than that. Won't we honey?" Luna said.
"Eeyep!" I responded, aware that everyone could hear us.
"Oh! We've got a wannabe gamers couple on here boys!" Another voice said.
"Kids, how about we make you a deal? All of you against us? No hacks, just good ol' fashioned gunplay." I asked.
"Ha! Sure thing gramps! Just don't be upset when we beat your wannabe ass." I saw the microphone icon light up for this one. Pheonix_Lighter01.
"Hey! I may be over a thousand years old, but that doesn't mean I'm in my grandpa years! I look like I'm only 23!"
"And my shoes are made of gold." N00bSlayer.
"No more waiting!" Luna shouted. "More shooting!"
In game:
"Nice shot, Luna!" I said.
"Thanks! I've got a UAV. Should I use it?"
"Yeah, go ahead."
Luna activated the UAV and I gunned down everyone that tried to kill us with my Scar-H. Extended Mag and FMJ. Luna uses the MP4, FMJ, Fast Mag and Rapid Fire. Don't ask me why an SMG has Rapid Fire. It just works like fucking crazy.
I deployed a Lightning Strike, killing the whole team all over again.
Luna and I stayed in our position, killing anyone who tried to get close to us. People had gone with snipers, hoping to pick us off from afar, but Luna and I moved around too much for them to headshot us. We would wait for them to shoot and take them out with a bullet to the head of our own.
Eventually, we had gotten to the last minute. I killed one person at the same time as Luna.
90 Kill Streak. Tactical Nuke available.
I looked to Luna. She nodded and used hers. Killing the whole team twice. Once from the blast, the other from radiation.
I waited for them all to group together just outside of our position, and used my own.
We both had the same amount of kills and deaths.
110/0.
Fuck Yeah!
The timer ended, showing my nuke obliterating the other team in the final killcam.
On the other team:
"Who the fuck are these guys?!"
"We can't get a hit!"
"How are they this good?!"
"Was that guy really telling the truth when he said he was over 1000?!"
"HOW DID THEY GET FUCKING NUKES?!"
"AAAAAHHHHH! THEY'RE USING THE NUKES!"
"FUUUUUUUUUCK! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!"
"THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!"
In the lobby:
"So kids, what did you learn today?" My shit eating grin could be heard.
"You were cheating!" One accused.
"Excuse me!" I said in mock hurt. "We do not hack or cheat! We only play for thousands of years in my case and hundreds for Luna's"
"No way someone can live that long!"
"Well I am! So deal with it." I muted my microphone, "When Twilight goes to the human world, I'm going with her. I'm going to track these guys down and prove that to them." I unmuted it.
"Thing is," Luna said smugly, "You can't hope of living as long as us or getting as good as us."
With that I quit out of the lobby and relaxed in my chair.
"League Play?" I asked.
"Hmm... Zombies?"
"Sure."
In the Throne Room:
"So as you see Princess, we need the funds to accelerate-"
"TAKE THAT YOU FUCKING NAZI'S!"
"DIE AGAIN IN A HOLE!"
"TASTE THE BULLET, YOU WORTHLESS ZOMBIES!"
The noble was obviously shaken up.
"*sigh* I really need to talk to Andrew and Luna about using the Royal Canterlot Voice when playing Zombies or when I'm running day court." Celestia muttered.
"Princess!" The doors to the throne room burst open, allowing the Mane 6 to rush in. "We heard shouts coming from Canterlot in Ponyville! Is everything okay?!" Twilight asked frantically.
"Yes, Twilight. Just Andrew and Luna playing with each other in Call of Duty." Celestia replied.
"Oh.. Okay. I think I might watch them." With that, Twilight walked out.
"Me too." Rarity.
"Me three." Applejack.
"Me four." Rainbow Dash.
"Me five." Fluttershy.
"Me Pinkie!" And Pinkie.
Back at Andrew's Room:
*Knock, knock, knock.*
"Who is it?!" I called.
"Your friends from Ponyville!" Twilight's voice replied.
"You can enter!"
The door opened to reveal the Mane 6 walking in. They all sat on the bed which was more than large enough to hold them all. I made it the size of about two king sized beds.
"So how you all doing?" I asked.
"Oh, you know, just hearing shouting from Canterlot and visiting to make sure there isn't an attack or anything." Pinkie answered nonchalantly. Everyone around her gave her blank looks. "What?! It's true!"
"Yeah... We might get a little excited when playing Zombies." I said sheepishly.
I focused more on the TV screen in front of me. "Huh, wave 94. Not bad."
"Wave 94?!" Twilight shrieked. "Spike and I can't get to wave 5!"
"Twilight, we've been playing for a very long time."
"Oh, right. Hehe."
"FUCK!"
"BUCK!"
Luna and I both said at the same time.
"Note to all: Never get swarmed. It fucking sucks."
I stood up and addressed the ponies properly. "So, who wants a go?"
They all jumped at the idea and all of them had a go, even Rarity and Fluttershy. Although, Fluttershy really only tried to run away, not kill them.
It got late though, and so we gave them dinner and I teleported them all home.
When it came for me to go to bed, Celestia and Luna both climbed in with me.
Last night was definitely interesting. The girls decided they would all sleep over, and so we spent the night playing video games. I was able to beat them all, thanks to spending a thousand years playing them. We all had a good time in the end though.
Anyway, when morning came, I left the girls and raced to the kitchen, hoping to dine with Celestia. I managed to catch her and we discussed a few things coming up. Namely, the Grand Galloping Gala. My thoughts on that? Fuck. That's what went through my head when Celestia brought it up. I knew that I had to go, seeing as I'm engaged to the Princesses, and I knew that I was going to be in for a shit time. Maybe I could fuck around with Blueblood? Meh. I'll figure something out.
At breakfast, I overheard Celly talking to Luna about inviting the Mane 6.
"I have a feeling that things will be much more livelier if they attend, Luna." Celestia said.
"Are you sure? They are still young. They will probably think of it as the party of the year." Luna replied.
I decided to butt in. "Pinkie will treat is as a massive party. Rarity wants to find her Prince. Meaning Blueblood. Applejack wants to sell her goods and make money for the farm. Rainbow Dash wants to meet the Wonderbolts and show them her moves. Fluttershy wants to see the animals. Lastly, Twilight just wants to spend time with you, Celestia."
They both stared at me. "How did you know?"
"I know these things. I also know that you will have to give Twilight tickets for all her friends."
"Why?" Celestia asked.
"Twilight will run in to all of her friends, they will all tell her what they want to do at the Gala, she will stress out over which friend has the best reason, she will be offered favours and deny them, she will be chased across town by all of the ponies wanting to go to the Gala, someone will offer to do taxes-"
"We don't have taxes." Celestia stated flatly.
"I know! But they will still offer to do them. Twilight will then teleport to the Golden Oaks Library and all of her friends will confront her there, Twilight will break down and one by one, they will withdraw their wish for the ticket. She will then send you a letter detailing that she learned if she can't share her gifts with her friends, she would rather not have them at all and she will return the two tickets I know you are thinking of sending her. Then, you will send back a letter with six tickets. As an afterthought, you will send through another ticket for Spike."
They were both in shocked silence until I finished my breakfast.
"It amazes me and scares me that you know this, Andrew." Celly said.
"How about we just send them seven tickets now?" Luna asked her sister.
"Oh, and can you send me with them?" They had puzzled expressions, "There are going to be a large number of crazy events coming up in Ponyville, and I want to be there as a safety measure. Please don't take offense to this. If you could both come down then that would be awesome, but I think you might have to stay here."
The two of them understood what I was saying. "Fair enough. Please give Twilight our regards, and can you try to come back for visits?" Luna asked.
"Sure. Luna, I'll make a copy of my room and leave it here so you can mess around with the PS4. Celestia, just reach out to me with magic whenever you want to talk." I said.
Luna clapped her hooves in glee and Celestia nodded.
"Okay, send me when you're ready."
Celestia summoned seven tickets and set their receivers with magic. She then wrote a letter to Twilight and enclosed them with it. Soon enough, I was standing there with a scroll in one hand and a bag of things I would need in another.
"We will see you soon, Andrew." Celestia said before sending me off.
Being sent by dragonfire is not very nice. It feels like you're being compressed and stretched out before reforming again.
I opened my eyes and noticed Twilight's and Applejack's shocked expression.
"Happy to see me again?" I asked with a smile.
"Andrew!" Twilight was the first to recover and jumped into my arms. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh nothing... Except for me moving to Ponyville for a patch." I replied.
"But what about the Princesses?"
"They understood my reasoning for it."
"Oh. What's that scroll for?" She asked, pointing with a hoof to my hand which held the scroll with the Gala tickets.
"Open it and find out." I said. She took the scroll with her magi and opened it. I could hear her muttering to herself as she read. It was an old habit of hers to make sure she wouldn't lose her place while reading.
Eventually, she stopped reading and looked at me. "Is this all true?" She asked. I took the letter and read through it.
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
You and your friends are all invited to attend the Grand Galloping Gala this year. Originally, I was going to just send one to you and Spike, but Andrew told me in great detail what would happen if I did.
So, I have enclosed seven tickets with this scroll for you and your friends. I have sent Andrew because he has told me that some special events are coming up in Ponyville, and he has expressed interest in wanting to be there. He will most likely make a house for himself instead of purchasing one, so don't worry about having to go house hunting.
From, Princess Celestia.
I looked up from the letter. "Yep, this is pretty much true."
"Then where are the tickets?"
I reached over to her ear. "Right," I pulled my hand back, pretending to take out the tickets from her ear. "Here." I handed the tickets that came from my sleeve to her as she giggled.
"I'll never understand how you do that without magic."
"Hands." Was my simple response.
Twilight shrugged and I turned to Applejack.
"Heya AJ, how's your bet with Big Mac going?"
"How'd ya know 'bout that?" Applejack asked, surprised.
"I know many things." I said while chuckling. "Have you got the apples harvested?"
"Eeyep."
"Is he going to walk through town in one of Granny Smith's girdles?"
"...How'd ya... Nevermind. Yes he will be walking through town."
"Good! I can't wait to see him in it." I said, rubbing my hands together in glee.
"Andrew, do you think you could help me give these tickets out to everypony?" Twilight asked me.
I turned to her. "Sorry Twilight, but I need to talk to Mayor Mare. I'll help you get started though." I cupped my hands around my mouth.
"Oi Rainbow Dash! Wake up ya lazy coon!" I shouted. This resulted in Rainbow Dash falling out of a tree.
She landed on the ground with a thud, somehow unharmed.
"What the hay was that for?!" She demanded.
"Twilight has a ticket for you so you can go to the Grand Galloping Gala. I woke you up so you could claim it and help her hand the rest of them out to the rest of your friends. Oh yeah, and tell me how it goes when you try to show the Wonderbolts your moves."
"How did you know about that? And what do you mean 'try'?" She asked.
"Bye bye!" With that, I ran off to town, leaving the mares behind.
I made it to town hall and walked in.
"Hello? I would like to see Mayor Mare, please." I called out to the empty room.
I heard some movement behind the reception desk, and soon enough, a pony jumped out from under there.
"Sorry about that." The mare apologised, "I wasn't expecting any visitors at this time of day."
"That's fine." I replied, waving it off, "Is there a possibility of me seeing the Mayor?"
"Do you have an appointment?" She asked.
"Nope! I think you could find it in your heart to slip me in." I said with a half lidded stare.
"Um... Y-yes, I think I-I can slip you i-in." She stammered, obviously flustered.
I clapped my hands to snap her out of it. "Thank you for that, miss..."
"Quick Quill."
"Miss Quill. I shall see myself in there."
I walked past Quill and entered the doors off to the right. Inside was a circular room with many filing cabinets. In the middle of it all was a desk with a high-backed seat behind it, facing away from me.
"Hello there, my little pony." A voice sounded from the chair. I crossed my arms and started tapping one foot.
"I think you will find I'm not a pony." I said with annoyance.
"Then what are you?" The chair swivelled around to face me. In it, sat Mayor Mare. Her eyes widened upon seeing me.
"What are you?" She asked again.
"I am a human, a bipedal omnivore." I replied. She visibly blanched. "Don't worry, I won't eat you. Name's Andrew, I'm looking for a plot of land to build a house. Is there one available?"
Mayor Mare quickly recovered. "Yes... I believe there is. Next to Golden Oaks Library." She looked through her draws before brining out a folder. She opened it up and inside was a list of places where land was available.
"Let's see... Ah! Here it is! Right next door to the Golden Oaks Library. The cost is 430,000 bits."
Hmm, not bad. "I'll take it. Is there any objections to me building a house on it right away?"
"None whatsoever. I'll fish out the deed and get back to you."
I gave her a nod of thanks before leaving the room. I sat down in one of the waiting chairs, and let my mind wander.
I wonder how much my presence and knowledge will change the future. Hmm, maybe I can avoid changing it. But I might have to act on certain things. Possibly the Ursa Minor. That would be the closest thing I have to worry about.
Also, will Celestia, Luna and I be able to have offspring? We could cast a spell to make me into a pony for a day, or they could become human. I'll have to think back on that one.
My musings were cut short as Mayor Mare poked her head out the door.
"Andrew, I have the deed for the plot of land you asked for. I just need the bits and it's all yours."
I nodded and summoned a large bag of bits. Inside was 100,000 bits, so I conjured up four more and another smaller bag with 30,000 bits inside.
"Here you go, 430,000 bits as asked." I passed on the bag to her, and I watched as the Mayor struggled to move them. I rolled my eyes and snapped my fingers, causing them to move to her room.
"What did you do with them?" She asked.
"I just moved them for you. If you check inside that room, the bags should be there." She nodded and moved to check.
A few seconds later, she re-emerged. "Everything appears to be in order then. Here's you deed and have a good day, Andrew." She said, hoofing me the deed.
"Thank you Mayor Mare. I will see you around." I left the hall and made my way over to my new property.
When I got there, I could hear the sounds of a party coming from the library. I shook my head at Pinkie's obvious antics and moved over to where I would make my house.
Activating my magic, I started to build my house. I first made the garage, with a large workspace and an electric roller door. I then made the front entrance, connecting it with a small hallway to the garage. Off to the right from the entrance was the master bedroom. I made the ensuite for the bedroom and outfitted it with a large shower, bath, toilet and plumbing.
I went back to the front entrance and branched off to the left, making a large lounge room. In it, I made a large couch that went all around the room, except for a small area, making a 'U' shape. On the wall in front of the couch, I made a large 100 inch TV, mounted on the wall. In the spare space, I made a mini bar with a small bar fridge, filled with liquor.
Once again going back to the front entrance, I moved forward this time, and made a dining room. Off to the left of that, was a kitchen. It extended out to the same length of the lounge room, making a loop. I made a doorway to connect the bar/lounge and the kitchen. At the end of the kitchen was a large pantry which I filled with food. Next to the pantry, I made a laundry. Inside was a sink, washing machine and clothes dryer.
Moving back to the dining room, I made another room, slightly off to the left, but still in front, and a step down. I turned that into a large gaming room, effectively copying what I had in Canterlot. Back in the dining room, I made a hall in the right wall and turned left 90 degrees a few metres in. At the end of the turn, was a spare bedroom. Back in the hall, I made another bedroom and across from that was a spare bathroom.
I outfitted all of the rooms with furniture and built up the walls. Eventually, I had finished. I opened my eyes and let the magic I was holding onto slip away. I walked up to the front door and opened it.
I was greeted with a Pinkie Pie to the face. She had a massive smile on, and behind her I could see the Mane 6.
"Let's get this party started!" Pinkie announced before music started playing out of nowhere.
I shook my head in amusement. "Pinkie, I will never understand how you managed to set this up in the time that I walked to the front door, but thank you." I said.
"No problemo!" She said enthusiastically.
I moved inside and joined everyone in the dining room, ready to party.
The party was pretty cool. We all played heaps of games, most of the time it was things like 'pin the tail on the pony', but there was also Twister, much to my amusement.
I kept failing at the former, mainly because I kept getting the height wrong, but in Twister, I was an unstoppable force that no one could stop because I just said that I was unstoppable.
Except for Pinkie. She could keep up with me. I blame elastic pink ponies.
So anyway, there was lots of party food, most of which was devoured by me, and plenty of drinks. I basically just summoned a few for them to taste from my world. I brought Solo, Fanta, Coke, and Pepsi. I kept Pinkie limited to Solo and Fanta, fearing what she would do if she was hyped up on caffeine, but let the others have whatever they wanted.
Rarity enjoyed the Solo, Fluttershy liked Fanta, Applejack and Rainbow kept drinking Pepsi, and Twilight preferred the Coke. I got myself some Mountain Dew, and made sure no one had any of mine. To complete the image, I also summoned some black sunglasses and a packet of Supreme Cheese Doritos. I dipped the chips in my drink and ate them, which grossed out everyone except Pinkie.
Damn girl too hyper.
Anyway, once everything started to cool down, I looked at the sky and saw the moon pretty much nearing the middle of its cycle.
"Why don't you guys stay here and we can all have a sleepover? It'll give us an opportunity to finish all the food." I suggested
"Yes!" Was Pinkie's instant response.
"I would like that, if it's not too much trouble." Fluttershy said.
"Why not?" Applejack said.
"Sure! I can drink more of that delicious Pepsi as well." Rainbow said.
"Why Rainbow, I think we might've broken your addiction to cider!" I said cheerfully.
"How did you know about that?" Rainbow hissed.
"I just do." I replied.
"Getting back on track, I think it would be a lovely way to spend the first night in your new home." Twilight said.
"If everypony is then I might as well." Rarity said.
"Great! We're just missing two people." I said.
"And who would that be?" Rarity asked.
I smirked and clapped my hands twice. Next to me, Celestia and Luna appeared. Celestia was soaking wet while Luna had the most bored expression on her face. Which quickly turned into one of shock, and then realisation.
"Andrew, what is it now?" She asked.
"Oh nothing....... except for the fact that we are going to be playing Monopoly." I said with a smile.
Luna gasped and started shaking her sister. "Tia! Tia! We're going to be playing Monopoly!" She paused. "What's Monopoly?"
Water flew everywhere from Celly's coat, making her dry but making all of us except Luna wet. I dried us off with a snap of my fingers and made a Monopoly game appear in my hands.
"Luna! Calm down! And what was that about playing a game?" Celestia asked.
"We're all playing Monopoly." I said as I set up the game.
"Oh, it. Is. On!" Celestia said, walking over to and sitting down at an empty spot at the table. Everyone followed their Princess's example and found themselves sitting with a pile of money in front of them.
"You will find that your characters are all little copies of yourself," I said, showing them their little models, "And that in front of you, there will be two $500 bills, four $100 bills, two $50 bills, five $20 bills, four $10 bills, four $5 bills, and last but not least, five $1 bills."
Everyone counted their money to make sure.
"There will be one round around the board before anyone can purchase properties. However, if you land on a tax space, you will have to pay up. If you land in jail, you have to either pay $50 or get a double number." I continued.
"The winner is the one who has the most money after everyone has quit, and that is everyone, or someone has run everyone else bankrupt, meaning that you have given all your money to them including the mortgage of your owned properties. Now, if everyone is ready?"
Everyone nodded.
"BEGIN!"
Everyone made it around the board without anything bad happening, but what happened next was a nightmare for everyone.
I landed on the browns two of the light blue properties, purchasing them. I got a bit of money out of that from a couple of unfortunate players.
Twilight ended up buying one of the pink properties, which made Pinkie get upset because she wanted them seeing as she was the same colour.
One orange was bought by Applejack, which frustrated Pinkie even more, and a red by Fluttershy. Rarity didn't want to buy anything, but I think I know what she wanted.
Celestia bought two of the yellow properties, with Luna buying one green. Pinkie just kept on landing on other people's properties, much to her annoyance, and tried to get out of paying by offering them a party instead.
It didn't work.
Rainbow had bought an orange and red, giving her a bit of an edge on having more than one set.
Eventually, I made it to the dark blue set, which made Rarity huff in annoyance. My hunch was right. When everyone had passed go, some more landed on my properties, giving me a bit of the money I just lost back.
When it came back to my turn, I did what Celestia dreaded, and bought hotels for my recent purchases of 'Park Place' and 'Boardwalk'. I rolled and got $200 from GO, which gave me what I needed to survive the round.
Everyone laughed at my choice, but I just wagged my finger at them, telling them that they would eat their words later. They all laughed at me.
My first victim was Rarity.
She landed on 'Park Place', which made me grin evilly.
"$1500, Rarity." I said.
"But that's nearly all my money! I'll only have $150 left! Surely you could lower the price for moi?" She asked, fluttering her eyelashes at me.
"Hmm, no." said flatly. "Now give me da monies." I held my hand out, and the correct amount was floated into my hand. "Nice doing business with you." I said with a smile.
Rarity simply grumbled under her breath.
I got another victim from Rainbow Dash on the same place.
Moar monies.
Soon enough, everyone was having to mortgage except Celestia and I.
I had the brown and light blue properties with 1 pink, 1 orange, 2 reds, 1 yellow, and 1 green property. I was practically sucking in all the money.
Soon enough, it was Celestia and I.
Because everyone had gotten taken out, I had rushed to buy as many of their former properties as I could. I ended up have the brown, light blue, pink, orange, green, and dark blue sets all with hotels.
Celestia only had the red and yellow, which I traded to her for the utilities and the train stations she had. Somehow, she kept dodging all of my properties, for 3 circuits. I suspected foul play, so when Celestia rolled next, on the last straight before GO, I made sure she couldn't use any magic.
She landed on 'Pennsylvania'.
"$1400, Celly. Pay up." I said with a smirk. She scowled slightly, but payed me nonetheless. She had gotten a double so she rolled again. Her karma was catching up to her, as she landed on 'Park Place'.
"$1500." I said simply.
I received the required money.
Celestia rolled again.
Double one's.
"Ding, ding, ding! We have our first customer! Please welcome Celestia to Boardwalk!" I said cheerfully. Somehow, everyone had avoided that one card.
"That'll be $2000, please." Celestia had to mortgage a few cards, and when she rolled again, she got another double.
"Well, look's like it's off to jail for our Princess." I joked.
Celestia scowled even more. She quickly paid $50 to get out, and rolled.
Landing on my 'States Avenue'.
"$750." I said.
She paid.
I rolled.
Landed on B & O Railroad.
Celestia rolled.
Landed on Tennessee Avenue.
"$950."
She only had $345 left.
Celestia made it past my railroad and utility on her straight and landed on the 'Chance' square. When she rolled again, she landed on Boardwalk.
"And that's game set and match!" I said, standing up.
Celestia also stood up, but flipped the table. "I CALL HACKS!" She shouted, pointing a hoof at me.
I held my hands up defensively. "Hey, you can't hack a board game. That's only for video games."
"I DON'T CARE! YOU STILL HACK AT MONOPOLY!"
I sighed before turning to Luna. "Can you take her to another room and settle her down?" I asked.
Luna took one look at her furious sister before running out of the room.
"You forgot your sister!" I called out to her while sending Celestia with her, knowing that she would hate to be in the same room as her.
"Why did Princess Celestia react like that?" Twilight asked.
"I've beaten her 3,649 times at Monopoly." I said nonchalantly. I heard several bangs, and saw 7 jaws on the ground. "What? It's just a game."
With that, I walked off to set up the WII U for a Super Smash Bros tournament.
A couple of hours later found Celestia calmed down and all of us battling it out in SSB4.
"Winner gets to have someone in this room do anything short of suicide for them." I reminded everyone for what was probably the fiftieth time.
"WE KNOW!" They shouted.
"Just reminding you." I mumbled.
I used my best character; Jigglypuff.
And Jigglypuff is best character.
I was saving my secret weapon for the last round. I kept saying that the down special was my secret weapon, which it was, but no one believed me because all it did was put me to sleep.
They'll never realise the true power of Jigglypuff.
Right now it was me against Applejack. She decided to use Bowser. Probably because of his brute strength.
"Imma gonna win!" I said as I used my side special to smack her off the stage, making her lose one of her three lives.
"No you're not!" She replied, really only mashing the buttons.
We kept bantering back and forth until I knocked her off two more times.
"I'm a superstar!" I said, striking a pose.
Which everyone proceeded to laugh at.
"Party poopers." I grumbled to myself.
It's the final round. Luna vs Andrew. Who will win? Dark Pit against the adorable, bouncy, fluffy, pink Jigglypuff.
"And welcome to the final round! Place your bets on who will win. So far we have 100 bits on Luna courtesy of Celestia, and 295 bits of Andrew." Pinkie announced.
All around her were hats with Luna's face on it saying 'Luna No. 1!' and a shirt saying 'Go Andrew, Go!'
Celestia had a Luna hat on and was sipping at one of those hat attachments that you can put drinks in. Family love. Not a thing in the world stronger than that.
"And betting is closed! Please make your way to your seats and wait for the match to start!" Pinkie said.
Everyone gathered around us, waiting for the final round to begin.
Then, the screen showed 'Final Destination' and started counting down.
"3! 2! 1! Go!"
Luna and I were instantly at it. She shot at me with an arrow, but I jumped over it. I charged up a rollout and let loose when I hit the ground. Luna jumped over it, but I changed directions and hit her in the back.
Using her side special, Luna caught me in her spinning blades, dealing a fair bit of damage to me.
Luna: 32% 3 lives.
Andrew 74% 3 lives.
This continued for a while, with me using my up special to put her to sleep before attacking to deal a bit more damage.
Luna: 61% 2 lives.
Andrew: 9% 1 life.
As I started to lose, people changed their bets to Luna's side, but I evened up the playing field by using a side smash on her to send her flying of the side, making her lose a life.
As Luna dealt even more damage to me, I dealt damage to her. When she got to 70% and I was on 120%, I set my plan in motion.
I sat still and allowed Luna to run towards me. I saw her smirk as she was sure victory would be hers. I waited for the right moment, and just before Luna hit me, I used it.
Rest.
Now, if you have played the first couple of Super Smash Bros, you would know what rest does. If you don't, well, it pretty much sends your opponent flying off the screen. However, if you miss, you are right open for attack. Anyway, when it came to SSBB (Super Smash Bros Brawl), Jigglypuff was heavily nerfed, so you had to damage your opponent if you wanted to send them flying instead of from 0%.
Anyway, faster than the eye could follow, Luna went flying off the screen. The screen changed to the after-battle screen with the statistics of how you did and all that jazz. I skipped through it, and waited for Luna to do the same.
When she didn't do anything for a minute, I looked over to her.
She and everyone else had their jaws slack with wide eyes. I smirked and couldn't help but snap my fingers. Slowly, beards started to grow on everyone. I struggled to contain my laughter, until the beards grew so long they started snaking up the wall.
When I started rolling about on the floor, trying to breathe, everyone snapped out of their daze. What happened next was probably even funnier.
They all started screaming and running around, trampling on their beards, sending a couple of them to the floor. What made me laugh harder was someone yelling "IT GOT IN MY MOUTH!". Although, it was more like a shriek that almost broke the windows.
Eventually, I recovered and snapped my fingers once more, removing the beards.
"Are you done?" I asked.
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" Rainbow yelled, getting up in my face.
"For sitting there like a stunned mullet." I replied, showing them what they were doing.
"Oh." She said.
"And now for my request!" I said gleefully.
Everyone glanced around nervously.
"I want to..."
"Sit in court for tomorrow." I announced.
Everyone looked at me dumbfounded.
"I'm sorry, but did you say you want to sit in court tomorrow?" Celestia asked.
"Yep! But I'm going to be running it." I said.
"I'll never understand you." Celestia said with a sigh.
"But if you knew what I would do exactly, then I would become boring!" I said.
"Ugh, I'm going to bed." Celestia said, annoyance clear in her voice.
As she walked off, I turned to everyone in the room. "I think it's best if we all get some sleep too." I said.
Everyone nodded and started walking off. Cue the 'where is everything' in 3, 2-
"Hey Andrew! Where is everything?" I heard Twilight call out to me.
"Celly, I'm HOOOME!" I yelled as I slammed the door to the throne room open. The noble inside was protesting about me interrupting him as I walked past him. Celestia looked down at me with a frown, but I could tell that she was happy for me taking over day court for her.
"Andrew, you know what to do." She said before she left with a flash of light.
"Huh, just assumes I know exactly what to do." I said to myself as I walked up to the throne and sat down on it. The noble immediately shut up with wide eyes. "She's lucky that I know what to do." I finished. The noble visibly relaxed.
"Now then, what's your name and state your business." I said.
"Gold Platter. I have come for the bits Her Majesty promised me for my new pool." He said in the most uptight and snobbish voice I have ever heard. Trying to get me to give him bits, eh? Let's see how that turns out.
I snapped my fingers and brought up a list. "Let's see here... Aha! 'Gold Platter: Requesting bits from the royal treasury to knock down the schoolhouse next door to build a new swimming pool to add onto his total amount of 3 swimming pools.' Hmm, The List says that you're lying." I said, with a straight face. News to all, my poker face is even more impressive than Celestia's. Suck on that!
Gold Platter started sweating nervously under my gaze. "Well, uh, that's, ahem, odd. I mean, I know what I, uh, came here for so, uh that paper you're reading is obviously lying." He said with quite a lot of stutters.
I stared down at him and he shrank back from my gaze.
"The List. Never. Lies." I said darkly before my mood did a full 360. "Off with his head!" I said with glee.
"WHAT?! You can't do that! It's against the law!" He yelled in shock.
"Okay, first of all I would never do that. Second of all, I helped establish the original laws of Canterlot, so don't tell me what's against the law. Oh, and I'm also badass like that so the law ignores me." I added the last bit just to scare him.
"WHAT?!"
And it seemed to have worked. "Just joking. Now, seeing as you lied to me, the stand -in ruler for today, and tried to demolish a schoolhouse, I deem your request...
...
...
DENIED!" As I said that last word, I smashed a button that appeared in the arm of the throne and the floor beneath him opened up. Like in cartoons, he looked down and back up before falling. I made this system so that any time I got to do day court, I could eject the nobles that wasted my time.
10 seconds later and I heard an "Oof!" from outside the throne room.
"Okay, let's see what we have here. Next up is Wheat Picker." I muttered before slamming down on a button on the opposite arm making a buzzing sound. "Next!" I called out after the buzzer finished.
A pale yellow earth pony stallion walked in. He had a straw hat on with a stalk of wheat in his mouth. His cutie mark was two wheat stalks crossing over each other.
"'ello! 'ow may I 'elp ya?" I asked with one of my silliest accents I could come up with. The stallion laughed which got me to smile. It's fun making ponies in court laugh. Makes it seem like there are some normal problems out in the world.
"Greetings, Mr..." He trailed off.
"Andrew, and none of the 'mister' titles. Makes me feel young." I said.
"Well then, Andrew, I am here... Did you just say 'makes me feel young'?" Wheat Picker asked.
"When you get to be over one thousand years old, you try thinking of 'mister' being old." I said with a laugh.
"Yes I suppose it would be like that." He muttered before regaining his focus. "Anyway, I am here to request some more rainfall for our farm, just east of Manehatten."
I picked up The List. Wheat Picker: Needs more rainfall for extra crops. I read to myself. "Yep, all checks out. How many extra crops do you have?" I asked.
"How did you know we had extra crops?"
I waved The List around. "The List knows all." I said in a mysterious tone.
Wheat Picker looked unsure but continued. "We have one new hooftare of land. We usually plant 250 seeds for each hooftare. In total we have 3 hooftares of land, meaning we have 750 crops instead of our old 500."
I nodded and made a piece of paper appear. I wrote down on it instructions for the amount of rain around Wheat Picker's farm to increase. "Here ya go. Just give this to whoever's in charge of the rain around Manehatten and you should get more rain next rainfall. There are instructions on the back in case you forget what to do."
Wheat thanked me and left the room with a smile on his face. I slammed the buzzer.
"NEXT!"
"So you want me to clear a massive area in Canterlot for you?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I'm the most well-known noble after Fancy Pants."
"And you think this is a good reason... because?"
"I'm important."
"Okay... DENIED!"
"And the maid turned the water in my bath 2 degrees too hot. My coat shall be ruined!"
"Blueblood..."
"Shut up and listen, worm. So we must fire her at once!"
"Blueblood.."
"Are you paying attention, peasant? Otherwise she may mess up my shampoos!"
"Blueblood."
"That's Prince Blueblood to you! Next thing you know that horrible excuse for a maid will think she can do whatever and remove my grooming supplies!"
"BLUEBLOOD!"
"What?!"
"Get the fuck out of my sight before I fucking come over there and rip you fucking balls off just to see if your fucking blood is blue and paint the whole fucking castle with it!"
*ZOOM!*
"Fucking finally."
"And so for making Blueblood complain to me, and therefore giving me some entertainment by allowing me to threaten him, I give you a pay rise by 10%."
"THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!"
"Are you done?"
"THANKYOUTHANKYOU- ahem, sorry. I'll just be leaving."
"Have a nice day!"
"My mother's got a really bad illness and we don't have the money to go to any hospitals nearby. Could you please give us some?"
"Okay, what you've told me is correct, but would you rather the money for hospital bills, or me to come by and fix it for you free of charge?"
"But it would mean you would have to leave. And we don't want to have to trouble you."
"It's fine. If it's for helping others, I'm all for it."
"Really?"
"Really."
What a nice kid. I sat back down on the throne and prepared myself for the final appointment.
"Let's see here... Shining Armour?"
"That'd be me." I heard Shining say as he entered.
"Ah, and what would the purpose of this visit be, Captain Shiny?" I teased.
Shining scowled. "You know I don't like that name."
I gave him a shit-eating grin. "That's why I use it."
He sighed before straightening himself up. "Sir, I've come to request materials for new armour and new weapons."
"Why do you need new armour and weapons?" I asked.
"Our current sets are becoming old and unusable, the spears we have now are rotting at the handles, and we don't have any other weaponry."
"Okay, first of all, you can have the materials, but a couple of things I would recommend you do with them. One; make better armour. Y'know, stuff that actually protects and covers you. Two; make some fucking swords! Spears ain't going to do shit against an armoured foe. Might as well be throwing paper at them. Or how about a wide variety like a flail, mace, crossbows for long range, tomahawks or even battle axes! Different weapons are key to a good army. You need a couple of different fields to cover all types of attacks."
"Yes sir."
"Good. Now take this shit and go." I said, holding out a paper with my insignia on the bottom.
Shining took it in his magic and headed for the door. "Oh! And before you leave," I called out to him. He pause and looked around at me. "Try and use something like steel instead of gold."
Shining nodded before leaving. "Welp," I said, jumping of the seat, "That's that."
I snapped my fingers, bringing me to Celesita. "Hiza!" I shouted, sending her flying into the air.
"Of course it's you." She said with a deadpan expression after calming down.
"Day court's done for today. All ready for you to take back tomorrow." I said.
"How did it go?" Celestia asked.
"Meh, ups and downs."
"Blueblood?"
"Eeyep."
That name just explained everything. "Well, how about you have dinner here before returning to Ponyville?" Celestia asked.
"Sorry, but I've got to get back home and prepare for tomorrow." I said with a smirk.
"What's happening tomorrow?" Celestia asked.
My smirk changed to an evil grin. "A certain griffon is coming to town." I said with steepled fingers.
"But you don't know any griffons." Celestia said with confusion.
"Oh, I know one." With that I slowly started to disintegrate and appear back in my house.
I stretched before walking to the front door. "Let's go get prepared!" I said with glee.
I quickly teleported to my bed and fell asleep instantly.
I woke up to the sounds of bouncing... and Pinkie's voice.
"Hey! Hey! Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen!"
This continued on, while I desperately tried to fall back into my dreams, which were wonderful thank you very much.
Music was playing in the background while I sat on a cloud.
"Pink fluffy unicorns, dancing on rainbows!"
Isn't life grand?
Not like you would have much better dreams.
"Hey! Listen! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey! Hey!"
Is she still at it? I swear that Pinkie knows every reference out there.
"Hey! Hey! Listen! He-"
"NAVI IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP SOON I'M GONNA STAB A BITCH!" I yelled, recalling all the times during a dungeon I'd had Navi piss me off.
"...Hey!"
"THAT'S IT!" I shouted, too tired to use the RCV, before standing up and making the master sword appear in my right hand. Why specify? Well, Link is left handed and I don't want to completely rip off Nintendo.
I slammed the master sword into the ground next to Pinkie, making her instantly stop.
"Let me guess," I started, "You want me to do something for you that involves pranking someone?"
Pinkie nodded so fast that to me it looked like her head was in 20 different places at once. Brain, be nice if you could wake up.
"Okay, let me get woken up and something in me and then I'll go on this pranking spree of yours." I said, moving to the kitchen.
"But it's 11:00 in the morning! There's no time and Dashie's waiting outside for us!" Pinkie protested.
I looked at my left wrist, wow I really feel like pointing out what hands I'm using, and told Pinkie what I saw. "Hmm, looks like it's hair past freckle. Not 11:00 am." I continued my walk to the kitchen.
"Besides, it's never too late to have toast wrapped in bacon strips."
After I made myself some breakfast, I walked outside with Pinkie to see Rainbow sleeping on a cloud.
"Look what you did! You made Rainbow Dash fall asleep!" Pinkie said with a giggle.
"Meh, not my fault she usually sleeps all day." I said. I grabbed a rock from the path and line up a shot.
"What are you doing?" Pinkie asked.
"This." I said as I threw the rock at Rainbow.
Immediately after Rainbow got hit, she was up and looking around like a Hydra would for a pony. Somehow, she was growling like a wolf too.
"Act natural" I quickly whispered to Pinkie and summoned up a chair for me to sit on with some aviator sunglasses. Pinkie just sat on the ground next to me.
"Alright, who did that?! Show yourself!" Rainbow demanded, still somehow growling.
"Dey went dat way." I said whilst pointing to the right. Rainbow nodded and zoomed away.
I continue the pose until I knew that Rainbow was out of hearing distance. Ponies have super strong hearing it's ridiculous.
I watched Celestia eating a large cheesecake. I bent down next to the chef who was waiting for her comment.
"Next time don't make it so big. Or maybe cut down on the amount of cake you make." I whispered at hearing level only meant for him.
The chef gave a slight nod to indicate he heard me.
"Andrew! Stop saying such ridiculous things! This cake is perfect! Next time it shall have to be bigger! Also, our cake stocks must be replenished!" Celestia said, bordering on the Royal Canterlot Voice.
"Now look at what you've done." I said jokingly to the chef.
I started snickering, and I could hear Pinkie next to me struggling to hold her breath in before we started laughing loud enough for Rainbow to hear and come flying back.
"It was you, wasn't it?!" She demanded. Her glare was enough to send a Timberwolf running.
Good thing I'm not a Timberwolf.
"Maaaaybe." I replied.
"I know it was you!" Rainbow continued.
"Do you have any proof?" I asked with a cheeky grin.
"Well, uh, y'see... Maybe?" Rainbow stuttered.
"Hey! 'Maybe' is my word! Anyway, if you don't have any proof that I did it then bad luck. That means I didn't do it." I said calmly
"It was Andrew." Pinkie said.
I whipped my head around so fast to face Pinkie that I'm amazed I didn't get whiplash. "You traitor!" I shouted. "I will get you for that!"
"By helping us prank everypony in Ponyville?" Pinkie asked innocently.
My anger stopped and was replaced with child-like glee. "Oh. Right. There's that. Let's got do some pranking!" I declared.
I started marching away like a soldier before I was hit in the back of the head with a pebble. When I whipped my head back around, nearly giving myself whiplash again, I saw Rainbow tossing a pebble with a smirk.
"Revenge."
So far, everyone in Ponyville had been pranked except for the Mane 6 and Spike. Some of the things we did was hilarious and some were total flops.
My favourite was when I made a ring of pears appear around Time Turner. He freaked the fuck out. He was screaming like someone had just committed mass murder in front of him. Seriously, when he had his little freak out session, he started screaming; "NO! NOT THE PEARS! NOT THE PEEEEEAAAAARS!" Before jumping over them and running off.
Seriously, he could've just done that from the start and not interrupt everything going on within a 10 kilometre radius.
The worst was when we put out a fake muffin for Derpy. She saw it from the air and then landed in front of it. She poked it with her muzzle before giving it a long sniff that lasted for something like 10 seconds. Do you know what she did next? She just fucking are it! That shit was made out of rubber, and she just goes and eats it before going on with her day! While Rainbow and Pinkie were staring at where the muffin used to be, I was behind them ranting and swearing up a storm. I was lucky there weren't any children around us, or they would've learned enough words to make a sailor blush.
Anyway, we were outside the post office where Spike was currently picking up some blank scrolls for Twilight.
"So where's the cloud we're using on Spike?" I asked, gaining a look of confusion from Rainbow.
"Why would we need a clou-"
"Right here!" Pinkie cut in whilst dragging a cloud out from behind her.
"Huh, guess that works." I muttered.
"Okay, we're going to need that cloud placed above the door." Pinkie instructed Rainbow. Rainbow saluted before flying up and moving the cloud.
"Hmm... bring it back towards me slowly and stop when I say 'stop'." Pinkie said. Rainbow slowly pushed it towards Pinkie.
"More... more... more... more... STOP!" At the word stop, Rainbow stood as still as a statue. Well, floated would be more accurate.
Pinkie examined the cloud from all angles before nodding. "Now we need it a little to the right." Rainbow moved it to the right.
"Now a little to the left." Rainbow quickly flew over the cloud and started pushing it the other way. "Wait, back to the right." This time she pulled it, but I could see Rainbow getting annoyed with Pinkie.
"Now a little leftish while staying rightly." Pinkie said.
"How do you do that? It's pretty much impossible!" I said.
"Hey, you can do the impossible!" Pinkie retorted.
"That's because I'm special." I said. "I know that you're special too, just not like I am." I added before Pinkie could say something else.
"Okie dokie!" Pinkie said. She returned her attention to Rainbow Dash.
"Do I go now?" Rainbow asked.
"Yep!" Rainbow slowly pushed the cloud to the left before Pinkie yelled out "STOP!". Pinkie narrowed her eyes in concentration before saying;
"Maybe a few inches to the south!"
"South is a direction!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air. "You can't translate 'south', into 'down'!"
"You! Sush!" Pinkie said before returning her attention to the waiting Rainbow. "Now a few inches north."
"You know what? I give up trying to explain logic to ponies!" I said.
Rainbow dragged the cloud up back to its original starting position. "Okaaay, one more smidgemetre to the-"
"PINKIE PIE!" Rainbow shouted, clearly just as pissed off as me.
"Uh, I mean, perfect!" Pinkie quickly said. "Now, wait for my signal." She said before ducking behind the corner of the building. I sighed before jumping up next to Rainbow and sat on the air.
"How are you doing that?" She asked.
"Compressing air molecules. Egghead stuff, as you so eloquently put it, that you wouldn't really care for the specifics." I responded. Rainbow opened her mouth to protest, but promptly closed it.
We watched as Spike exited through the door with a pile of scrolls in his hand. He was humming the MLP theme, which I found out is used as a lullaby. The tune, not the words.
Pinkie smiled and pointed her hoof at us, giving us the 'signal'. Rainbow rolled her eyes before bucking the cloud. Not like that, you pervs! She just kicked it.
Spike yelled out in fright as he threw all of the scrolls in the air before starting to hiccup. Pinkie started laughing, which set Rainbow off as well. "Yes! Mission accomplished!" Pinkie said as Rainbow and I floted down.
"Ha ha! Good one, Pinkie Pie! Always pulling a fast one on me." Spike said before bending over to pick up the scrolls. He hiccuped, causing a small flame to come out of his mouth and set the scroll on fire, sending it to Celestia.
"Nyegh!"
"What's wrong Spike? Are you alright?" Pinkie asked.
"Nah, I'm fine." Spike said, waving a claw.
"Oh, ok." Pinkie said before she and Rainbow both started laughing.
Spike was running around, picking up all the scrolls but was sending them all away whenever he picked one up. I tried grabbing a couple and giving them to him.
"Heh, thanks Andrew." Spike said. Unfortunately, he managed to hiccup again, sending another flame on the scrolls I was holding, causing me to be sent off with them.
"Damnit Spike!" I yelled before disappearing.
I reappeared in Celestia's study, where the floor was littered with scrolls. There was a large pile of them, which soon shifted, revealing Celestia.
"Hello Celly. Ya miss me much?" I asked with a smile.
"Andrew, did you cause this?" Celestia asked.
"For once, this wasn't me. This was Pinkie Pie's idea." I said.
"Hmm..." Celestia rubbed her chin with a hoof. "Seems like I'll have to invite her to the castle for a prank war."
I blanched at that. Last time Celestia had a prank war, nearly everything stopped working the way it was supposed to. "Well, uh, maybe you could... put it off until Luna is able to run the kingdom again?" I asked. I discovered long ago that once Trollestia has set in, nothing can stop it.
"Oh, I suppose." Celestia conceded after a bit. I let out an internal sigh of relief.
"Well, I need to get back to Ponyville. Those two still have some more pranking to do and I don't want to miss it."
"Goodbye Andrew." Celestia said before giving me a peck on the cheek.
I smiled before snapping my fingers and reappearing at Sweet Apple Acres. I had the privilege of watching them all paint all the apples separately. I sighed before snapping my fingers, painting all the apples in different colours and in different patterns.
Rainbow and Pinkie turned around and saw me. They smiled and waved me over.
"Do you know how upset Applejack will be when she sees this?" I asked when I got to them.
"Don't you worry! Your Aunt Pinkie has it all under control." Pinkie said, patting me on the head. Even though I was at least 3 feet taller.
"First of all, never do that again. Second of all, I'm a lot older than you. Third of all, there is not third. Fourth, apples are Applejack's pride and joy." I said.
"It's all in good fun!" Pinkie insisted.
"MY APPLES!" I heard Applejack's distinctly southern accent say.
"Book it!" I said before running off.
"You get back here!" Applejack yelled, chasing us.
"Put them in water!" I said before putting on another burst of speed, effectively outpacing everyone.
When I stopped running I was at the outskirts of Ponyville. Soon enough, Pinkie and Rainbow pulled up next to me.
"That was close." They both said.
"Okay, so what's the lesson to be learned here?" I asked them.
"We need to come up with a new prank for Applejack." They said instantly. At the same time too! Seemed like they had rehearsed that shit.
"No! It's to never touch Applejack's apples! Ever!" Or I guess you could call them her appuls. Meh.
Our last victim of the day was Fluttershy. We found her feeding the fish at the river just out of town, so we set up a fake turtle to squirt water at her. However, Pinkie didn't know who it was.
"Who're we gonna squirt? Who're we gonna squirt?" She asked, hopping from hoof to hoof. We were set up behind some bushes on the opposite bank of the river.
"Heh heh, Fluttershy." Rainbow said.
Pinkie gasped and dropped the squirter in her mouth. "No no no no! We can't prank Fluttershy! She's so sensitive, it'll hurt her feelings!" While she was talking to Rainbow, I crept behind her and picked up the trigger.
"Yeah, I guess you're right." Rainbow said. I laughed, catching their attention.
"Too bad." I said with an evil grin. They both gasped and quickly looked over to see the water travelling through the thin tube. When it got to the end, water sprayed out at Fluttershy. She fell back onto her flank and tears started forming in her eyes.
"Oh no. This is bad." The two ponies said.
Fluttershy started sobbing before stopping abruptly. She slowly turned to look straight into Rainbow Dash and Pinkie's eyes with the most hateful expression I've ever seen. She flew over to them at speeds that would make Rainbow jealous and stopped right in front of them.
"How could you?!" She yelled in a rage filled voice. "How could you do that?!"
"I-I-It was A-A-Andrew! N-Not us!" Rainbow said, pointing a shaky hoof at me. However, I had made myself invisible and muted myself so I wouldn't make any noise.
Specifically the noise of my laughter because of the fear-filled expressions I had the pleasure of looking at.
"Don't try to blame it on him! Andrew would never do such a thing!" Fluttershy continued. Pinkie and Rainbow looked legitimately scared for their lives at this point, so I quickly stepped in.
"Okay Fluttershy, you've had your fun." I said. Fluttershy's mood took on a full 180 and she instantly calmed down.
"Okay Andrew, and thanks for getting me to do that. It was quite fun." Fluttershy said in a soft voice before flying away.
I turned back to the two ponies with me. Their expressions were enough to make me start laughing again. This also served as the way to snap them out of whatever trance they were in.
"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Rainbow exclaimed.
"I'VE NEVER SEEN FLUTTERSHY THAT MAD BEFORE!" Pinkie added.
"That was my little prank to you." I said, causing them to whirl to me.
"LITTLE?!"
"I could do almost anything to you two. Consider this as a small thing." I countered. The two of them shivered at the mental image I just gave them.
"Anyway, I'm beat. I'm gonna head home now." I said to the two of them. The sun was just starting to set below the horizon at this point.
"Yeah, all this pranking has got me pooped." Rainbow agreed.
"Oh, are you sure you two can't prank anymore?" Pinkie asked.
"I'm sure, Pinkie. Besides, maybe tomorrow you two can do some more pranking." I said.
"That. Would. Be. AWESOME!" Pinkie shrieked before racing off. "See you guys tomorrow!" She called over her shoulder.
I waved to her until she was out of sight before turning to Rainbow. "Okay, I know that tomorrow Gilda is coming. I want to tell you some things. One, tell her 'Andrew said hi.' if I haven't already seen her. You'll know if I have. Second, make sure you get both sides, not just one of them."
I pivoted on my heel towards Ponyville before starting my walk back home.
"How did you know about Gilda?" Rainbow asked. "And what do you mean 'get both sides'?"
"I know many things, remember? And reasons."
"Fine." We continued walking in silence until we reached town.
"Welp, see you tomorrow Rainbow." I said.
"Yeah, see you Andrew." Rainbow replied with a yawn.
I started walking away before deciding 'fuck it' and teleported back home with a snap of my fingers. "Ah... home sweet home." I said before diving onto my bed and changing into pyjamas in mid-air.
Now, one would think that you wouldn't want to wake up a griffon. Well, I'm not like most people and I tend to do things the most annoying way possible. How I did it the most annoying way possible? Easy, I was Gilda's alarm.
I woke up early and quickly ate a bacon and egg roll for breakfast before dressing and teleporting to Rainbow's house. I walked through the cloud mansion, it was that big, util I found the room where Gilda was sleeping. I tip-toed into the room and stood by Gilda's head. When my watch turned 6:00am, I yelled as loud as I could. Which means the Royal Canterlot Voice
"UP AND AT 'EM, IT'S MOOOORNING!!!!!!!"
Needless to say I was quite effective.
"Gah!" Gilda shouted, jumping out of bed and attaching herself to the roof like a scared cat.
"Ooooh! I didn't know griffons can do that. Welp, let's add it to the book." I snapped my fingers, summoning a notepad before writing it down and making it disappear. Sue me for not knowing everything there is to know about everything in Equestria. Some things you've just gotta see for yourself.
"What the-?! Who are you and what are you doing in my house?!" Gilda demanded, landing back on the floor on all fours. Even though she didn't use her wings and she was upside-down she still managed to do it.
"Ok, first of all I'm that badass guy that lives on the ground. Second, this isn't your house." I replied, crossing my arms and leaning against a cloud wall.
"Well then 'badass guy that lives on the ground', if you live on the ground then how are you standing on clouds?" Gilda asked, thinking she had found a loophole in my story. All of it was true. I am badass and I do live on the ground. More for convenience than anything else.
"Hmm, y'see there's something in this world called magic. It's where you take a bit of physics, bend it over backwards, and shove it up its own ass." I said, and I would say that's a pretty good summary of magic.
"And how do you know this isn't my house?" Gilda asked, still trying to prove me wrong. I sighed and snapped my fingers, making Rainbow appear in the air before dropping on the floor. Which somehow woke her up instead of my obnoxiously loud voice.
"Andrew! What the hay was that for?!" She yelled. I put my hands up in surrender.
"Gilda here wanted proof that I knew this isn't her house. So, in a marvellous stroke of genius, I thought 'What better way to prove that I'm right by getting the owner of said house in here'. And that brings us to now." I said.
"So Dash, who's this dweeb?" Gilda asked Rainbow, trying to ignore me now.
"Y'know, you could just ask me instead of going to her." I said. And I got ignored again.
"I'm pretty sure he's introduced himself," Rainbow gave a look at me and I nodded, "Well, I'll give you the short version. His name's Andrew and he is a human. The reason he can walk on clouds is because he has magic. End of story." I held up a sign behind her saying 'It's true'.
"And how does he know my name." Gilda asked, still suspicious of me.
"No one actually knows. His knowledge of things just goes unexplained." I said in a voice like David Attenborough. Rainbow face hoofed at my response while Gilda just looked at me like I was crazy.
"Yeah, expect that to happen. A lot." Rainbow said.
"Welp, I'm gonna go find Pinkie. See you two later." I said before diving through the floor. I heard one last thing from them.
"Should we go help?"
"Nah."
Traitors. Leaving me to die. I reached the ground, landing upright on my legs before walking off to search for Pinkie. Luckily, she was heading my way wearing a gag arrow hat thingy, one of those disguise glasses with fake moustaches and was blowing one of those party blower thingies. Don't judge me, I haven't seen them in forever.
"Hey Pinkie, whaddya doing?" I asked.
"Going to see Rainbow Dash for some more pranking." She said, hardly able to keep still.
"Well, she might be unavailable this morning, she has a griffon friend with her and I think they want to do some flying. So be prepared if she doesn't do anything with you, okay?" I said, knowing Pinkie could take something the wrong way very easily.
"Okie dokie lokie!" She responded, bouncing her way towards Rainbow's cloud home.
"At least I tried to warn her." I said to myself before walking back home.
When I came back outside, it was to see two dots in the sky next to what looked like a gyrocopter in the sky. Good, looks like I'm not too late. I quickly made my way over, watching as one of the dots flew away with a rainbow trail. The other one stayed behind, but I now knew it was Gilda. I quickened my pace, hoping to make it before Pinkie would crash.
I know I could've teleported, but that's just cheating. In a fight though, well, hopefully that doesn't happen. The gyrocopter started falling at an alarming pace, so I went full speed and jumped up, catching the falling machine with it's passenger still in it. When I landed, Pinkie got out and instantly hugged me.
"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Pinkie chanted as she held onto me like I was her lifeline. I awkwardly patted her on the back.
"No problem, just be a bit more careful next time you go flying in one of these. They can be kinda shitty at times." Looking at you Far Cry 4.
"But it wasn't the gyrocopter, it was Gilda!" Pinkie protested. Okay, normally I wouldn't question the fact that she knew things she shouldn't, but being able to make and properly name a gyrocopter is kinda scary.
"A couple of things. One, how did you know the way to make and successfully make a gyrocopter and two, I know it was Gilda's fault for nearly killing you." I said. I don't think Pinkie heard the last part though. I swear sometimes there's a censor for words that everyone should know like 'kill'.
"Oh that's easy! It just came to me one day!" She replied, back to her cheerful and physics-breaking self.
"Well, I'm gonna get some food in town, want to join me?" I asked.
"Sure!" I don't think Pinkie can miss the opportunity for free food. The two of us walked into town together, talking about random things that we could do to break physics. Ponies we passed just looked at us like we were insane, which we probably slightly are.
We made it to the cafe and the waiter brought us out some water. Pinkie decided to just get a drink, a strawberry milkshake, and I just went with some vegetarian pasta. When our food came out, we both started eating/drinking in silence. Until it was broken by the sound of laughter above us.
"That was sweet!" I heard Gilda say. I looked up and saw Rainbow and Gilda flying around.
"Ugh, I gotta take care of a few weather jobs around here, shouldn't be too long. Why don't you take a look around town?" Rainbow said.
"Sure, I'm gonna get something to eat." Gilda replied.
"Cool, see you later!" Rainbow said before taking off. At first I thought Rainbow just wanted to see how Gilda would cope in a town like Ponyville, but I did see quite a lot of clouds around.
I watched as Gilda looked around for any stalls before smirking and creeping behind a fruit and veg stall. Granny Smith was walking over to the same stall, but started sniffing when Gilda poked her tail through. Granny Smith opened her eyes and screamed.
"Ahhh! A rattler! A rattler! Run for the hills! Everypony save yourselves!" Granny then started walking away at the pace of a turtle. Or a very specific tortoise that will eventually come up.
Gilda came up from behind the stall and was about to start laughing until the stall owner saw her. She quickly pet a tomato a couple of times before walking off saying; "This stuff ain't fresh, dude."
Pinkie started talking to herself. "Aw, poor Granny Smith. She didn't know it was just a joke, how mean." She then looked like she was in thought, "No no, it was kinda funny."
I spoke up. "Pinkie, that was a bit on the dickish side."
"What does 'dickish' mean?" Pinke asked.
"It basically means it was bad. For example, if someone were to trip another, that would be a dick move. Get what I'm saying?" I told her.
"Ehh, sorta." She said, waving a hoof in the air like you would with a hand if you were unsure.
Gilda started walking past another stall selling more fruit and veg. As Gilda walked past, she used her tail to grab an apple and start eating it.
"*GASP!* She's not just a meany-mean-pants, she's also a thief!" Pinkie declared, banging a hoof on the table. "Wait, she might give it back, it's just a joke." This girl needs to get her brain checked.
"Pinkie, you can't return an eaten apple. It wouldn't even be formed and no one would buy it. And no way was that a joke!" I stated. We both shut our mouths as we saw Fluttershy leading a family of ducks. Unfortunately for her, she was going to hit Gilda.
"Alright little ones. This way, this way." Fluttershy said in her soft voice. Now, I could either stop this from happening, let it happen or confront Gilda before she can roar at Fluttershy. Hmm, which one?
I got my question answered for me.
"Hey! I'm walking here!" Gilda shouted, drawing the attention of some of the bystanders.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Fluttershy mumbled.
"'I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Gilda mocked, "Why don't you just watch where you're going, doofus?!" The ducks started flying away as Gilda pushed Fluttershy back.
Fluttershy started stuttering and I knew what was coming up. I teleported in front of Gilda just as she was inhaling and I put a ward around Fluttershy to mute the sound so it wouldn't scare her.
*ROAR!*
Gilda let loose her roar right in my face. When she finished, I stood there with an unimpressed frown on my face.
"Hello Gilda, fancy meting you here." I said. I think Gilda was shocked that I was standing there so suddenly. "Now, I was just walking through town when I saw you pushing around my dear friend Fluttershy. Now, I thought that maybe it had all been an understanding, but when I went to ask you what's wrong, I get a roar for my efforts."
A small smirk tugged at my lips, "Oh, and I wouldn't want to get in a fight with Fluttershy either. She's a very dear friend to Rainbow. Pretty much at the point where she will hunt down whoever hurt her and kill them very slowly and very painfully." I could see the panic start to creep into her demeanour.
"Well," I clapped my hands, "I'd best be off. Wouldn't want to be late for what's happening this afternoon." With that I walked back to Pinkie and finished off my pasta in silence. When I finished, I stood up, put the money for the meal on the table and walked away.
"Don't worry about me, Pinkie." I said, catching her attention. "I'll be at your party." With that I opened up the ground beneath me and made a tunnel back to my house.
I appeared back in my room and snapped my fingers. "Now lets see why everyone keeps talking about you." I said, staring at the cover for Call of Duty Black Ops III.
"Eh, I still prefer Black Ops II." I said to myself as I walked towards Sugarcube Corner, the place where Gilda was having her party. I arrived to see a cake being rolled out from the kitchen.
"Cake time everypony!" Pinkie announced. Everyone in the room but Gilda crowded around the cake to see it.
"What flavour?" I asked, announcing my presence.
"Cake flavour!" Pinkie said dramatically. I swear she's a robot with all the information on everything she has stored in there. Maybe that's what allows her to make predictions with her 'Pinkie Sense'. Pinkie finally looked to the owner of the voice, me, and gasped.
"Andrew! You're here!" She yelled.
"Yeah, got a bit caught up in Black Ops." I said, rubbing the back of my head.
"SERIOUSLY!? THAT'S BULLSHIT! YOU CAN'T JUST TURN AROUND INSTANTLY AND GET A HEADSHOT! THAT'S JUST COMPLETELY FUCKED UP!"
"THIS IS THE MOST SHITTY GAME WITH ITS SHITTY LITTLE CLASSES! I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE GOOD, BUT NOPE! IT HAD TO HAVE PEOPLE ALREADY HACKING AND RUINING MY DAY!"
Hey, just because I'm beast at Black Ops II doesn't mean I'm going to be beast at Black Ops III. They just added too much shit. It might grow on me, but I think I'll stick with BO II.
"Well you're here now! And just in time for cake!" Pinkie said cheerfully.
"That's cool. I'l just wait until everyone else has had a piece." Never let it be said that I am not a gentleman.
"Can I blow out the candles?" Spike asked.
"Why don't we let Gilda? She is the guest of honour after all." Twilight told him.
"Yeah," Gilda slid over and bumped Spike out the way. "So move it." She took a deep breath and quickly let it out, blowing out the candles. Gilda smirked at the ponies until the candles relit themselves. Gilda continuously blew out the candles and they kept relighting themselves until she eventually started panting from lack of breath.
Everyone in the room started laughing, much to her obvious annoyance. "Relighting birthday candles, I love that prank!" Spike said through his laughter.
"Now I wonder who could've done that?" Pinkie said looking around the room until her eyes landed on me.
"Hey," I put my hands up, "I only just got here. Don't blame me!" I protested, making everyone laugh even more.
Spike started drilling into the cake like a mole. "Mmm, who cares? This cake is good!" He said, popping out the top.
"Spike!" Twilight scolded, only to get ignored.
"What? It's great! Try some!" Spike pressed. I could see Gilda grinding her teeth, even with a beak. Don't know how that do that, but whatever! I do the impossible all the time.
"Hey G, you're not upset over some pranks, right?" Rainbow asked.
"What? No way! Like I said, I'm always down for a good prank!" Gilda said with a forced smile.
"Then let's get some cake!" Rainbow said, galloping to the line of ponies for cake. I walked up behind Gilda as she grabbed Pinkie and pulled her behind the cake.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." I said in a sing-songy voice, causing Gilda to let go of Pinkie.
"Yeah, whatever." She mumbled before walking off. I used my magic to grab a piece of cake. When we had all finished, Applejack spoke up.
"Hey y'all! It's pin the tail on the pony! Let's play!" She said, drawing everyone's attention.
"Oh my favourite game! Can I go first? Can I have the purple tail?" Rarity asked. Seeing there were no objections, she went to pick up the purple tail, even though there was only one tail, but Gidla rushed in and picked it up in a talon.
"Well I'm the guest of honour, so I'll have the purple tail." Gilda said, walking over to the poster with the pony on it.
"Yeah, Gilda should totally go first." Pinkie agreed. "Let's get you blindfolded."
"Huh?" Was all Gilda had time to say before she was blindfolded and spun around.
"We're spinning you around and around and then you pin the tail on the pony!" Pinkie explained. Gilda finally stopped spinning and Pinkie led her to the poster. "Now just walk straight ahead and pin the tail!"
"'Now just walk straight ahead and pin the tail'." Gilda mocked, "Pfft, yeah right, this is just another one of your silly little pranks, isn't it? Well I'm not falling for it." Gilda turned around, walking away from the poster.
"But wait! The poster is this way!" Gilda stepped on a bit of icing and started sliding.
"Aaaaaaaahh!" Gilda crashed into a wall, making the blindfold fall off and for the tail to end up on her beak. What made me laugh was how she looked like she had a moustache.
"Uh, Gilda? You pinned the tail on the wrong end." Pinkie pointed out, causing everyone to start laughing.
Gilda started fuming before she roared, shutting everyone up. "This is your idea of fun?! I've never met a lamer bunch of dweebs in all my life! And Pinkie Pie. You! You are Queen Lamo with your weak little party pranks! Did you really think you could make me lose my cool?! Well, I'll show you what happens to those who make a fool out of me!"
Gilda drew back a talon, ready to slice into Pinkie, but I stepped in front of her and took the blow.
"Andrew!" Everyone around me shouted.
"And you! The monkey of this town!" Gilda turned her rant onto me. "You were always running behind me, making sure I didn't do anything bad. Now? I'm gonna tear you apart!" Gilda shrieked. She brought down both her talons on my head, but they didn't penetrate the skin.
"What the?!" Was all she had time to say before I shot forward and tackled her outside. I saw the Mane 6 follow me, but I paid them no attention. I stood before Gilda, hoping to make her back down, but she got up anyway.
"I'm going to rip you apart and shower this town in blood!" Gilda shouted at me. I stood there calmly before summoning a blue hoodie.
"Do you wanna have a bad time?" I asked. It was much softer than Gilda's yelling.
"I think it's you who's going to have a 'bad time'!" Gilda shouted as she flew straight at me. I took a hand out of the hoodie pocket and pushed down in the air. That got the effect that I wanted, making Gilda crash to the ground and stopping her from moving.
"What did you do?!" She demanded.
"Well, I just took control of the gravity around you so I can pretty much move you wherever I want." I tld her, smiling a bit. "Now I'll ask again: Do you wanna have a bad time?"
"Heh, you don't have the guts to do anything to me." Gilda stated confidently. I brought my other hand out, summoning a demonic skeleton head.
"This is called a Gaster Blaster." I told her, making sure my voice was loud enough to include the Mane 6. "It fires a powerful beam out of its mouth a high speeds. Do you want to see what it can do?" I didn't wait for a response and used it to fire a beam directly next to her. When the beam stopped, there was a massive trench in the ground and in some places, it was on fire.
"Now I'll ask for the last time: Do you wanna have a bad time?" I asked.
"Bring it." Gilda replied. I could see she was scared though.
I grinned and summoned more Gaster Blasters, making a dome around her. I set the Blasters to lower power and to stop when they hit something.
"Oh bu-" Gilda was cut off by me firing the Gaster Blasters. Smoke enveloped the area, making it hard to see. I dismissed the Gaster Blasts and walked through the smoke. I grabbed the barely conscious Gilda by the throat. The smoke cleared, revealing us in that position.
"Leave." I growled. Gilda nodded as much as she could and I let her go. She flew off in the distance, and I could see she was much slower than usual. I turned to face the Mane 6.
"And that's how you get rid of a bully." I said, snapping them out of whatever trance had them staring at me. They all bombarded me with questions, but I stuck my hand up, silencing them.
"Alright, one at a time." I said. I pointed to Twilight first.
"How did you do that?! Nopony can fire a beam that powerful!"
"I'm not a pony. I thought that was obvious. Applejack."
"Why'd ya have ta go and make a hole in the road?"
"To prove a point. I'll fix it now." I snapped my fingers, restoring everything to the way it was. "Fluttershy."
"Why did you stand up for me like that?"
"Because you're a dear friend to me and you're way too adorable to let anything happen to." Fluttershy blushed. "Rarity."
"Why are you wearing that horrendous sweater?"
"First of all, it's a hoodie. They're comfy and awesome as hell. Second, it fit the character. Pinkie."
"Why Sans?" Everyone looked at her confused.
"Because he's a sick lad. Rainbow, I'm going to guess yours. Did Gilda lie to you about what happened when she was alone in town?" Rainbow nodded. "Okay, she was going to roar at Fluttershy, so I stepped in to stop her from doing something she would regret." Rainbow nodded.
"What did she say? Just out of curiosity." I asked.
"Gilda said that you pushed her around and taunted her when she was trying to get some lunch." Rainbow said.
"Well, now you know what actually happened." I said before turning my attention to Twilight. "Now then, did you learn something about friendship today?" Twilight gasped and rushed back inside. All of us laughed before the rest of the Mane 6 followed her in. I stayed out for a bit longer, staring at the sky.
"I wonder if you'll find me." I said to myself. "Hope to see you soon... Brother." I walked back inside, reflecting on how I would get into these situations with possibly my favourite person alive. Thinking about it, time would travel differently between the two worlds.
After Twilight wrote her letter on friendship, I offered to take it to Celestia for her. She agreed, and so I teleported next to the throne room window, watching as Celly struggled to not punch the pony in there. When I looked closer, I could see why. It was Blueblood. Welp, guess I'll save her from him. I dived through the window, smashing it, and rolled on the floor before standing up before Celestia.
"Mail for the one known as Princess Celestia." I said in my best Peter Griffin voice.
"HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT MY PRIVATE MEETING WITH AUNTIE?!" Blueblood shouted.
"Easy, like this." I said as I snapped my fingers and made a ramp appear. I brought him to the top, while he was yelling at me.
"PUT ME DOWN! I AM ROYALTY! I REFUSE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS!" Jeez, it's like he's trying to do the Royal Caps Lock but he can't. You need to be true royalty.
"How about... no." When I said 'no' I dropped him down the ramp and he when sliding out into the hall.
"I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!" He shouted before the doors slammed shut.
"Thank you for that, Andrew." Celestia said, giving me a peck on the cheek.
"No problem, the guy's a royal douche anyway." I responded. "Did you read the letter?" I asked.
"Yes I did, and I'm very happy that Twilight is making friends after going so long without them." Celestia said.
"Three things about Twilight. Books, magic and studies. Those would be the big things that make her up. If you get her to think that something is a task for her studies, she'll do it." I responded.
"Yes, but I'm afraid that one day it will backfire on her." Celestia said with a frown.
"It will happen, but we can handle it." I said, thinking back to Lesson Zero.
"Thanks Andrew. Will you stay the night?" Celestia asked, nuzzling me.
"Yeah, I think I will." I said. The two of us left the throne room and went to the dining room where we met up with Luna for dinner/breakfast. We went separate ways, Celestia going to bed and me going with Luna to night court.
Okay, so I spent half of night court sleeping. Why? Well, nothing ever happens. Unfortunately, someone decided it would be funny to doodle on my face. So when I woke up and discovered it...
"LUNA!!!!!!!!!!"
My yell managed to shake Canterlot, which is a feat in of itself. You see, when Celestia and I built Canterlot, the foundations were easily the most fragile part. If the foundations break, the whole city comes tumbling down the mountain. So, to fix it, we enchanted them so they wouldn't be damaged as easily from any form. Whether it be rain, weight, shock waves, etc.
Anyway, when I finished venting my frustration, I noticed two tails slip out the door to the throne room, accompanied by the sound of laughter. And what would one do when they are offered sweet, sweet revenge? They take that opportunity and do the most they can with it.
Well I would anyway.
I took off like a rocket after the two Alicorns. "YOU TWO GET BACK HERE AND TAKE YOUR PUNISHMENTS LIKE MEN!" I shouted at Celly and Luna.
"We aren't humans!" Celly shouted back.
"Or males!" Luna added.
"SAME DIFFERENCE!" I roared back.
The guards and castle staff were wise enough to move out the way as thay spotted the three of us barrelling down the halls. Unfortunately, they obviously read the 'Guide For Running Away From Things For Dummies', and decided they would have a better chance of escaping our crazy goose chase by running ahead of us. Seriously! It would've been much better for them to just move into a room until we passed. There are like, what, 50 fucking doors per hallway!
I was just about to grab the two trouble makers that I was engaged to, but Celestia decided she would pull a fast one on me.
"See you later!" She cried as she used her magic to send me to Spike via dragon fire. I popped back out in the Ponyville Library where Spike was wearing a moustache.
"Wow, didn't know that I would get a free Andrew with this moustache." Spike said.
"I don't think it was the moustache, Spike." Twilight said.
"It was Celestia." I groaned as I stood up. Being sent that way is a nightmare. Imagine being stuffed into a PVC pipe and being shot out like a cannon ball through the other end.
"So, what are you two doing?" I asked as I stretched.
"Twilight's just seeing how many different spells she can do." Spike said.
"Well how many can you do?" I asked Twilight.
"About 25." She said.
"But if that's that list and you can already do a bunch of other spells, then wouldn't it be something like 35?" I asked.
"Oh no, these are all the spells I know." Twilight replied.
"Oh, okay. That makes more sense." I said. "Well, I'll see you two at the performance." I said before I vanished from sight.
"Performance?" Twilight looked at Spike curiously, who answered with a shrug.
Because my sleep was so rudely interrupted, I went home to get some sleep. Unfortunately for me, that was never going to happen. I was happily dreaming about have a bacon factory in which the employees were bacon, but I was brought out of it by the sounds of fireworks.
Looks like Trixie is starting her show. I know I promised Twilight I would see her there, but I really don't feel like going up there. Hang on, I could make a brief appearance, and then come back home and go back to sleep. Genius!
With my foolproof plan in place, I grabbed myself and sandwich and left my house. I found Trixie set up in the centre of town and practically the entire town was there. I sighed as I saw there was no way I was going to be able to walk through the crowd, so I just snapped my fingers and teleported next to Twilight.
"Yo. I'm here. Wassup?" I asked, still half asleep.
I must've scare Twilight because she let out a yelp and jumped like 10 feet into the air.
"Woah, calm down. I'm waiting until Nightmare Night for the scares. You're about 3 months off." I jested.
"Shut up before I make you." Twilight joked back, although I could tell that she was serious.
"Eh, why not?" She couldn't really do too much to me, but I'll play along.
"Who dares interrupt the Great and Powerful Trixie?!" The mare on stage demanded. I immediately, and I mean didn't even think about it, put my hands up.
"NOT IT!"
I dashed away before anyone could make sense of what I said, even though it should be obvious what I meant.
I stopped on the roof of someone's house and decided to watch the show from there. I saw Spike rush out from the crowd and Twilight take his place next to Rarity. The Mane 6 minus Fluttershy and Pinkie seemed to be chatting about something, but I couldn't make it out. I knew what they were saying though, but it did bring up a question for me.
Where's Fluttershy? I snapped my fingers, bringing me to Fluttershy's backyard where she was laying on the ground with her animal friends around her. I know I said I woudl go back home, but I like Fluttershy. She's a nice person.
"Hey Fluttershy." I said softly so I wouldn't startle her. I did anyway.
"Oh, hello Andrew." Fluttershy said after getting over me suddenly appearing on her property.
"What are you doing here? There's a mare in town giving the town a performance." I inquired.
"Oh, I'm just not very good with crowds." Was Fluttershy's answer.
"That's cool, that's cool." I replied. I sat with her for a bit until I remembered something.
"Oh yeah, I've still got to complain to Trixie. Well, I'll be out of your hair and let you continue bonding." I said to everyone in the area, knowing they could understand me. I had a very unfortunate experience about animals once.
"Oh okay, goodbye Andrew." Fluttershy said softly. I gave a two-fingered salute and teleported back to the crowd in the centre of town.
I just got back to see everyone egging on Twilight to go up on stage.
"We need another unicorn to show this unicorn who's boss." Rainbow said.
"A real unicorn to unicorn tussle." Applejack added. I could see Spike was just about to say something to Twilight before Rarity cut in.
"Enough. Enough all of you. I can see what you're trying to, but it won't work." Rarity said. "Applejack and Rainbow Dash may be willing to do such things, but I won't."
"What's the matter? Afraid to get that rats nest you call a mane get dirty?" Trixie taunted.
"Oh. It. Is. On!" Rarity muttered, walking up to the stage. When she got up there, she proceeded to walk to the curtains. "You may have a lot of spells, but a unicorn needs to be able to show style."
Rarity pulled the curtain down and started circling it around her, preventing any of us from seeing her. When she finished, there were sparkles flashing in her mane and a blue dress with yellow highlights. There were only two things wrong with this.
HOW DID SHE DO THAT IN 5 SECONDS?! AND HOW DID SHE GET YELLOW WHEN THE CURTAIN WAS ONLY BLUE!
I blame magic dyes.
Rarity started talking again. "A unicorn cannot be a unicorn without grace and beauty." The crowd 'wow'd' at her, but Trixie just looked on with a scowl. That quickly changed to a smirk and she lit up her horn and did something to Rarity. The entire crowd gasped.
"What did she do to my mane? I know she did something to my mane!" Rarity asked, clearly panicking.
"Don't worry about it." I said, waving a hand.
"It's nothing!" Twilight said.
"It's fine!" Rainbow said.
"It's gorgeous." Applejack said.
"It's green." Spike said flatly. Damn these ponies can't lie for shit. The three ponies glared at him. "What?"
"I agree!" I said, stepping into it. "At least Spike was honest." I gave a pointed look at Applejack who had the decency to admit to it.
Our attention was brought back to Rarity. "Ooh! Green hair, not green hair! What an awful colour!" She wailed as she galloped through the crowd, passing a mare with a green mane.
"Well! I never!" She said as she walked off angrily.
"Well Twilight, I guess it's up to you." Spike said.
"Hold up! I haven't had a go and I need to complain about something." I said, walking past them. I approached the stage where Trixie was standing with a smug grin and coughed.
"Ahem." Nothing.
"Ahem!" Still nothing.
"AHEM!" Not a single movement.
"A-FUCKING-HEM!"
"WHAT?!" That got her attention.
"I have a complaint about your show." I stated calmly.
"What is it, monkey?" Trixie asked.
"Well y'see, I was having a snooze when I heard your fireworks go off. Now, if this was one of Pinkie's parties I wouldn't mind, but seeing as how you interrupted my sleep, I want to get revenge." I said.
"And how will a lowly creature like you compare to the Great and Powerful Trixie?" Trixie rolled her 'r's' for her name.
"I challenge you to a game...
...
...
...
Of 'Rock, Paper, Scissors!" I declared, pointing a finger in the air.
"And how does one play this game?" Trixie asked.
"Easy," I jumped up on the stage, "You hold your hooves out like this," I stretched out both my arms and had one of my fists clenched up and resting my other palm, "And we both do this," I lifted my fist up and tapped it down into my palm again, "We do this until the third time where we chose either 'rock'", A fist, "'Paper'", An open hand like I was doing a handshake, "Or 'scissors'" Like paper but with two fingers outstretched.
"Rock beats scissors, scissors beats paper, and paper beats rock. First to 3 wins." I finished explaining.
"Hmph! Trixie is ready to beat you at this game, ape." Trixie said.
We both got ready and started. Our first round was Trixie with rock, and me with paper.
"Paper beats rock." I said, wrapping my hand around her hoof.
"Trixie chose scissors, not rock!" She protested. I looked closer.
"Hmm, nope. Looks like a rock to me." I could see some of the crowd laughing.
We did it a second round. Same thing. I beat Trixie with paper.
"You are clearly cheating! Trixie chose paper!" Trixie shouted, causing more of the audience to laugh.
"Nuh uh! That's rock!" I said in my caveman voice. Trixie growled before we did one more round.
I beat her.
"That's it!" Trixie used her magic to send me flying off the stage.
Or would've if I wasn't immune to it.
She hit me with a bit of magic, causing the crowd to gasp. "You know, I'm a little offended." I said, waving my finger in her face. "You could've just asked if you wanted me gone so badly." With that I walked off the stage and through the crowd.
"Ciao." Were my last words until that night.
So, after I made a fool out of Trixie I went back home and fell back asleep. I missed about half of what happened so I'll just get Twilight to write what happened.
Twilight POV
I went back home and read up on Ursas, hoping to find proof that Trixie did indeed vanquish one all by herself, but I found no mention of it anywhere.
"Hmm, you would think that if somepony were to do that there would be mention of it somewhere." I muttered. The door to the library opened, revealing Spike.
"Twilight, why didn't you use your magic to show up Trixie? She was obviously faking it." He said to me. I don't know why, but it sounded like he was disappointed that I didn't help my friends.
"Spike, you never can tell how strong somepony is until they show what they can do." I replied.
"Still..." Thankfully he dropped the subject. "What are you reading?" He asked.
"I'm looking into Ursas. Looks like there are Ursa Majors and Minors. The Ursa Minors are the babies and their parents are always overprotective until they reach around 300 years old or prove through a set of tasks that they are capable of defending themselves. When they meet either of those requirements, their parents practically just leave them." I told him.
"Oh okay. Well, I'm going to go do some things outside." Spike said, walking out the door.
"Don't be back too late!" I called out after him.
Not too much happened after that. I finished the book and started reading some more until Spike came running back in.
"Twilight! You need to come, quick!" He pretty much shouted at me.
"If it's to show up Trixie then I'm not going." I said.
"No! It's not that! There's a-" Spike was cut off from a roar outside.
"Is that an Ursa?!" I yelled at him.
Spike gulped. "Yep." I galloped out the house and grabbed Spike in my magic as I passed him and went out to find where the Ursa was. Not too hard when there is a massive mob running the opposite direction. When I made it there, I saw an Ursa MINOR, not a MAJOR, and Trixie was just about to hit it over the back of the head with a cart.
"Take this!" She shouted as she hit it. The Ursa Minor stopped and started sniffling before bawling its eyes out.
"Ha ha! The Great and Powerful Trixie has vanquished the dreaded Ursa Major again!" Trixie proclaimed.
"What have you done?!" I pretty much shrieked in her ear.
"Trixie just saved the town because of her ability! I think you should be thanking her!" Trixie said arrogantly.
"That is an Ursa Minor, not an Ursa Major! Something you would know if you actually fought one!" I shouted. The ground started shaking.
"Oh... I knew that!" Trixie said.
"And now its parents are going to come and probably destroy everything here because you hurt their baby!" I continued.
Now Trixie's expression started falling. "Oh."
There was a loud roar and two massive purple bears half the size of Canterlot Mountain came walking out the Everfree.
"Evacuate the town!" I shouted to the few ponies nearby. They shook themselves out of their daze and started rounding up ponies and escorting them out.
"What's going on here?" I heard a familiar masculine voice ask.
"Andrew! There are two Ursa Majors here because somepony," I glared at Trixie, "hurt their baby." I said.
Andrew sighed and rubbed his hand down his face. "Can't get a fucking break can I?" He asked himself. He was about to walk off but stopped. "Oh, and Trixie? I know that you made up the story about defeating an Ursa Major. You wouldn't even be able to defeat a Minor." He said before runing towards the Ursas.
"Andrew! Wait! You can't fight them by yourself!" I shouted after him.
"Just shut up and let me take my anger out on something!" He yelled back.
I quickly teleported to a rooftop so I could watch what would happen.
"Are you two the lovely creatures that so rudely interrupted my nap?" He asked calmly... Too calmly. The Ursa Majors roared in his face.
"Guess that answers that." He muttered.
"Do you two want to know why people don't interrupt me when I sleep?" He asked, only receiving roars in return. "It's because of this!" Andrew yelled before disappearing and reappearing on one of the Ursa's head. I watched Andrew and he raised a fist and brought it down, causing the Ursa to fall down to the ground.
"ALL I FUCKING WANTED!" He jumped at the other Ursa, "WAS TO GET SOME FUCKING SLEEP!" He made it fall down too.
"BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT?!" He grabbed one of their paws each. "FOR SOME REASON I COULDN'T FUCKING GET THAT TODAY!" He jumped up in the air, still holding them on and bringing them behind him.
"IT SEEMS THE UNIVERSE IS OUT TO STOP ME FROM FUCKING SLEEPING!" Andrew kicked them back down to the land, making giant craters. "ALL BECAUSE OF SOME FUCKING STUCK UP LITTLE UNICORN THAT CAN'T STOP FUCKING REFERRING TO HERSELF IN THIRD-PERSON!" He landed on one of their heads, knocking it unconscious.
"AND TWO FUCKING URSAS THINKING THEY CAN ROAR AROUND AS THEY FUCKING PLEASE!" He knocked the other one out with a punch to the head.
"WELL TOO FUCKING BAD!" Andrew lined up a kick. "BECAUSE YOU NOW KNOW TO NOT FUCK WITH ME!" He kicked it back into the Everfree Forest. "OR I WILL PUNT YOUR ASS SO FUCKING HARD YOU WILL BE TASTING YOUR OWN SHIT FOR DAYS!" The last Ursa Major got kicked back into the forest.
"NOW CAN I GET SOME FUCKING SLEEP?!" Andrew yelled at no one in particular.
"NO, I'M YELLING AT YOU DIPSHIT!" Oi! Shh!
"NO! LET ME GET SOME FUCKING SLEEP AND THEN I'LL SHUT UP!" Okay okay! Fine!
"FUCKING FINALLY!" With that, Andrew teleported next to me.
"You can clean up the Minor." He told me before teleporting away again.
Oh, looks like Andrew wants me to stop writing from here. Well, see you later whoever might be reading this... maybe...
So yeah, if you're a Brony then you should know how she did it. Put the Ursa Minor to sleep with music, milked the cows and got the water tower for the Minor to drink the milk out of before sending it back to its cave with its beat-up parents.
The town also chased out Trixie as she was the cause of all this. I finally got my sleep and cleaned up the mess I made the next morning. All in all, I got done what I wanted:
A chance to mess with Trixie and fight some Ursa Majors. Without magic.
We're Off to See The Dragon! The Wonderful Dragon of Oz!
I slowly awoke to my dark, comfy room. Any noise, please make yourself known now.
Waiting...
...Waiting...
FUCK YES! I did a mental jig before getting out of bed and stretching. As I sleepily walked to the kitchen to make myself some breakfast, I mentally called up a checklist of events that should be happening either today or in the next few days.
Let's see, we've got Dragonshy, then Look Before You Sleep and then Bridle Gossip. Yawning, I poured myself a bowl of Coco Pops and filled it with milk. Eating, my thoughts wandered back to what might happen in the next few days.
The show wasn't really too clear on how much time passed during each episode. I mean, it could've been days, weeks, months, or any measure of time. So far it seems that they've all been one after another, but surely it wouldn't be like that in reality?
When my spoon scraped the bottom of my bowl, fingers were instantly snapped and coffee and the daily newspaper replaced it. I read through the newspaper as I sipped my coffee slowly, making sure I got as much out of it as I could.
For some reason nothing interesting ever appears in the Ponyville Daily. Actually, thinking back, none of the newspapers ever had anything intersting in them at all. Canterlot's was all about which noble had earned the most that day/week. The papers from big cities like Manehattan and Las Pegasus was sort of interesting, but a lot of it was filled with ads for businesses. And nothing interesting ever happened in the cities anyway.
Feeling a bit bored, I waved my hand over the page I opened up to and was greeted to a sight of Celestia eating cake for breakfast.
Again.
"Oi, Celly," Celestia stopped and quickly looked around, "Down here!" Celestia finally looked down and stared straight at me with wide eyes.
"...You won't tell Luna, will you?" She finally asked.
"No," I said, Celestia giving a sigh of relief, "I'll do something else." Celestia stopped and stared back down at me. "Oh come on! I still remember what you did when I slept at the castle a couple of nights ago!" She had the decency to at least blush.
"I guess I can't do anything to stop you, can I?" Celly asked.
"Nnnope." I said with my best Big Mac voice.
Celestia sighed, "Then see you later." She said. Her muzzle moved back to the cake, but just before she could take a bite out of it, I heard the doors slam open.
"TIA! WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT EATING CAKE FOR BREAKFAST?!?!" Luna's voice rang out.
"Oooh shit, you in trouble!" I jested in my child voice before cutting off the connection. I sipped at my coffee until all of the rejuvenating liquid was gone. I stood up from the table and walked over to the bathroom, intent on shaving.
You know when you're doing something private and someone just walks in on you, and you scream at them to get out? That just happened to me.
I was halfway through shaving when the mirror I was using morphed into a picture of both Celestia and Luna in their combined study.
"Wah!" I cried out in surprise, dragging the razor across my face on an angle and cutting the skin. I dropped the razor on the vanity and covered the cut with one hand. "Motherfucker!" Yeah, that wasn't the only curse word to leave my mouth.
When I was done, the two sisters were blushing from my oh so colourful language.
"What do you need?" I asked, healing up the wound and getting rid of any blood around me. It also served the purpose of snapping them out of whatever daze they were in.
"We're sorry to barge in like this," Celestia began.
"But news of a dragon sleeping has reached our ears." Luna finished. I sighed heavily. Aren't there any breaks between episodes?!
"Alright, what do you want me to do about it?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.
"We want you to go with the Elements of Harmony to get the dragon to move so Equestria isn't covered in smoke for 100 years." Celestia explained.
"Alright. So, if we encounter any other problems or the dragon just straight up doesn't leave no matter what, can I take matters into my own hands?"
Both of them gave sighs of resignation, "We thought you would ask that, so we both discussed it and yes, you can if things get too out of hoof." Luna said.
"Yes!" I cheered, fist pumping, "I'll let them know what's up." I assured my two fiances.
"Good, we'll see you later, Andrew." Celestia said as her horn started to glow.
"Oh, and one last thing." I said, breaking Celly's focus.
"Yes?" They both stared at me. I beckoned them forward and they did so.
"DON'T INTERRUPT MY SHAVING AGAIN!"
When I finally finished my grooming, I left my house and walked over to the library. As I walked through town, ponies were waving to me with smiles on their faces, which I happily returned.
Always nice to know that you're trusted in this town. It will get you everywhere. The library eventually came into view, and I stopped in front of the door before knocking.
*Tap, tap, tap.*
...
...
"Twilight?"
*Tap, tap, tap.*
"Twilight?"
...
...
...
...
"TWILIGHT!"
The door quickly opened and a purple pony entered my vision.
"What is it, Andrew?" Twilight asked me, annoyance clear in her voice.
"I've got a message for you. From the Princesses." I told her.
Her eyes widened. "WHAT?!" She pulled me inside with her magic and sat me down on a cushion before sitting down in front of me. Twilight stared at me, still wide eyed, and teleported Spike next to us from upstairs.
He was still asleep.
I stared at him for a while before finally saying something. "You know, I envy his ability to sleep through anything."
"Don't look at Spike, look at me! Tell me what Princess Celestia said!" Twilight all but shrieked at me. (Not really, but it was still pretty loud. Once again, surprised Spike slept through that.)
"Hm? Oh yeah. Said something about taking you and your friends to get a dragon to move so he wouldn't cover the land in smoke for 1000 years." I said nonchalantly.
There was a pause before Twilight finally responded.
"The Princess wants me to WHAT?!" That's one way to lose your hearing.
"Yeah... Not too hard." I said with a shrug. "Oh yeah, and there are two Princesses now, Twilight." I said with a tiny itty bitty menacing tone.
She almost pissed herself.
When Twilight recovered, and regained colour to her face, she let out a sigh of resignation. "If the Princesses believe I can do it, then I will." Twilight started walking to the door before she registered something else I had said earlier. "Oh, and Andrew? They're your friends too, y'know."
I chuckled slightly at that. "Sorry Twilight, but I work differently to you ponies. Even 1000 years ago I had a different mindset to the ponies, and, if anything, that gap has only increased over the years." Twilight now gave me her full attention.
"What do you mean? And what about what you said to Fluttershy when Gilda came to town?"
"She's too adorable to not be friends with, and 1000 years ago, it wasn't that uncommon to find ponies who would have no friends or only a couple. Starswirl was an example of that. This was because-"
"You knew Starswirl the Bearded?!" Twilight interrupted.
"Yes, now don't interrupt me again. And I'm pretty sure I've already told you that." Twilight looked away and blushed slightly. "Thought so. Anyway, Starswirl didn't have many friends because he just didn't trust anyone. The Princesses, Clover the Clever and I were the only ones who he interacted with." I paused to gather my thoughts. But of course Twilight had to ask a question.
"Why was that?"
...
...
You know, you'd think that someone as smart as Twilight would be able to figure this out.
"Think about it. The greatest wizard of his time, created x amount of spells-"
"261." Twilight cut in. I glowered at her, causing her to lower her head and fold her ears against her head.
"What did I say about interrupting me?" Twilight squeaked out a sorry, causing me to sigh. "The reason I said 'x amount' was because not all of his spells were documented." Twilight gaped up at me. "In fact, he would've made over 500 if memory serves correctly." I shook my head to clear it of those thoughts. "We're getting off track here. Anyway, ponies wanted to get their hands/hooves on his research and his spells, so if you ever wanted to become his friend, well, he would scan you with a mind spell to see what your intentions were and then you would have to spend years earning his trust."
"Even then," I continued, "He didn't tell us everything either. That old man always did have quite a few surprises up his sleeves. Especially since he always wore that robe of his." I looked down at Twilight. "Enough story telling for now." I clapped my hands and the rest of the Mane 6 appeared in front of us.
"Listen up!" I shouted, causing them all to look at me. Except Rainbow. I facepalmed and snapped my fingers, making a time bubble to hold the ball she was bouncing. It took her a bit to realise that she was no longer hitting an object with her head.
"Hey! What gives?!" She shouted.
"I don't give any fucks if that's what you're asking." I quipped, "But I have something to tell you all, so I had to get your attention somehow."
"But I was so close to beating the Equestrian Ball Bouncing record!" I stared at Rainbow before falling to the ground laughing. I mean, her face just screamed that she was completely serious about it! And the fucking name!
"It's not funny!" Rainbow shouted, about to get into my face. I paused and stared at her until she calmed back down.
I then continued laughing. I heard Twilight sigh in the background and Rarity whisper something to Fluttershy.
"I can't believe he is laughing that hard at something so trivial."
"Hey! I resent that statement!" I declared as I got back to my feet. Rarity was about to respond, but I waved her off. "Doesn't matter." I cleared my throat and addressed all the gathered ponies. "The Princesses have given you all a mission to carry out."
That got their attention. They all stood straighter and raised their heads slightly. Except Fluttershy, who did pretty much the exact opposite.
"There is a dragon sleeping in a nearby cave, and we need to go and move it."
"Why?" Rainbow asked.
"DID I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK, MAGGOT?!" I roared at the prismatic pony. She cowered away from me, as did everyone else. "Sorry 'bout that. Anyway, point is that the dragon will generate a shit tonne of smoke that will cover all of Equestria in smoke."
Rainbow raised her hoof, making me sigh. "Yes, Rainbow Dash?"
"Why is that a bad thing?" And my eye started twitching. HOW DID THESE PONIES SURVIVE IF THEY CAN'T FIGURE OUT SIMPLE THINGS LIKE THIS? The answer came to me very quickly. Celly and I. The two of us gave them a pretty sheltered life. I blame her, though. Not me. I wonder what would happen if we were to disappear for a couple of days, go on vacation, eat some ice cream. Or ice cream flavoured cake. I shook my head to clear those thoughts.
"Let me put this as simple as I can. Smoke equals no sunlight. No sunlight equals no plants. No plants equals no food. No food equals no life for every living being."
"Couldn't you just conjure up some food for everypony?" Pinkie Pie was the one to ask that. Unfortunately it cause my eye to twitch faster.
"I could, but then what about other things like the land or the air we breathe in? They would get destroyed, killing everything." Pinkie raised her hoof to ask another question, but I cut her off. "No. No more questions." I ran a hand through my hair and sighed.
"Go get ready and be back here in an hour." Rainbow and Pinkie saluted while everyone else just nodded. When they were leaving, I noticed one stayed behind.
"Um, Andrew?" Fluttershy asked. "I don't think I-"
"I know about your fear of dragons, Fluttershy." I interrupted. She looked up at me with wide eyes.
"How?" She whispered.
"I won't tell you until the time is right." I responded. "But I won't tell anyone else until they find out for themselves or you tell them. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." Fluttershy smiled up at me.
"Thank you."
"No problem. Do you need to get anything?" I asked.
Fluttershy looked to the ceiling in thought. "Um, not that I can think of."
"Coolio. Just chill here until the others arrive." I said. Fluttershy nodded and went to look for some books to do with animals. I dunno, 'Feeding Animals for Dummies'? Something like that.
*SLAM*
I looked up to see Rainbow flying in the air, with rainbow war paint on her cheeks, and an outstretched leg, clearly what she used to open the door.
"Sssshhh!" I shushed her.
"What do you mean 'Ssshh?" She asked loudly.
"I mean it's a fucking library. Libraries are supposed to be quiet. Now shut up before I duct tape your mouth closed." Everything was silent for a bit, until Rainbow had to ruin it again.
"What's 'duct tape'?"
"This." I snapped my fingers and made a roll of duct tape appear in my hands.
"Oooh, shiny!" Pinke's voice came from right beside my ear. I flinched and looked to her.
"Can you not?"
"Sorry." Pinkie smiled sheepishly. Next to walk in was Applejack with her saddlebags, quickly followed by Rarity with her hat and saddlebags.
"Howdy!"
"Hello again."
"Good to see you again." I responded. "Now we're just waiting on Twilight."
"Not anymore!" Twilight announced as she walked down the stairs, saddlebags upon her back. "I just finished mapping out the route to the cave that the dragon's sleeping in, so we're all good to go!"
"Then let's go!" I announced before walking outside, the ponies following me in a line. When we were all outside, Twilight grabbed the map in her magic and opened it up.
"Okay, first we need to head-"
"Twilight, what about that?" I cut her off, pointing at the yellow bricked road that lead through town. You could see the yellow crawling up the mountain in the distance. Twilight's eye started twitching.
"When did that get there?"
"Just made it then. Now come along, wouldn't want to be tardy!" I called over my shoulder as I skipped down the road, humming a tune that has nothing to do with a yellow bricked road. None whatsoever. I heard Twilight facehoof before the clip clopping of hooves indicated she was following.
"How about some roadtrip songs?" I asked after a bit of walking.
"Sure!" Pinkie readily agreed.
I took a deep breath in before starting.
"1000 bottles of beer on the wall, 1000 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around, 999 bottles of beer on the wall!" And the troll of year award goes to me.
"746 bottles of beer on the wall, 746 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around, 745 bottles of beer on the wall!"
"Are you nearly done?"
"Nope! 745 bottles of beer on the wall, 745 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around, 744 bottles of beer on the wall!"
"591 bottles of beer on the wall, 591 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around, 590 bottles of beer on the wall!"
Everyone's getting pissed off, yes! Even Pinkie! Keep going!
"590 bottles of beer on the wall, 590 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around, 589 bottles of beer on the wall!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Pinkie screamed in a perfect Darth Vader voice.
When the song finally ended, my attention was brought to Twilight glaring at me while she had a piece of paper out.
"Can you be quiet for a second? This area is known for it's avalanches, and we don't want one to happen when we're this close to getting to the dragon." She said, staring at me. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Fluttershy stuttering the word 'avalanche'. I quickly rushed over to her and started rubbing her back to calm her down.
"It'll be okay, you'll see." I said with a smile, one which Fluttershy happily returned.
When we were all set again, we continued walking, but I dragged Rainbow Dash so she wouldn't brush the leaves to make one fall on Flutters. Yes, I wrote 'Flutters', I'm a lazy bastard. Who cares. I simply don't want to have to write 'Fluttershy' every time. After we finally made our way out of the avalanche zone, more music started playing.
"HOW COULD YOU?!" Pinkie shrieked.
"Dog goes woof, cat goes meow~"
"Well that was fun!" I said as we all stood outside the cave the dragon was slumbering in.
Everyone was glaring at me.
"Fine, it was fun for me at least." I grumbled. Twilight let out a frustrated sigh. She seems to be sighing a lot lately.
"For those of us who care," She glared at me for that, "I'll go in with Fluttershy to see if we can talk to the dragon about leaving. If that doesn't work, Rainbow Dash, use your wings to clear the smoke."
"Got it!" Rainbow flew up into the smoke above us. Why is she going now?
"Rarity and Pinkie Pie, you'll create a diversion to distract the dragon if things get a little hairy in there." Twilight continued. Pinkie pulled out a rubber chicken and started waving it around like a fool.
Which is what she is.
And what she's meant to do. Huh, she's definitely got her moments.
"Applejack, are you ready with the apples in case he decides to attack?" The before mentioned cowpony threw two apples up and bucked them towards a conveniently placed tree, splattering their juices over the bark.
"Hold on, just, hold on." I spoke up. I snapped my fingers, teleporting Rainbow next to me. "I love the fact that you have got this all planned out, but firstly, where am I in all this? Just saying no offence. And secondly, this is a fully grown dragon that can substitute for a mansion from Canterlot, has scales as thick as 1 metre, and can breathe fire on all of us whilst generating more smoke, not a deer. Once again, just saying no offence."
Twilight stared at me like I had just told her the world was round. Actually, even though I dropped tonnes of hints, none of the ponies have actually been able to figure out the world is round. They didn't listen to me the numerous times I tried to tell them that, so I just gave up.
"Doesn't matter." Twilight brushed me off. "Because it shouldn't come to that." She looked at Fluttershy, who was trying to make herself seem as small as possible. "Fluttershy, you'll be coming in with me and help to convince the dragon to move." Flutters squeaked at this, which went unnoticed by everyone.
Twilight took a deep breath. "Let's do this." She started walking in as everyone else started chattering amongst themselves, not noticing the yellow pegasus burying her head in the ground like an ostrich. I sighed and sat down on a rock, waiting for the fun stuff.
It didn't take long for Twilight to come marching back out. "Come on, Fluttershy! This is no time to be fooling around!" She dragged her head back above ground and started trying to push her in, but Flutters dug her hooves into the ground, stopping any movement. Rainbow saw what was happening and joined in too.
"Every second longer that dragon sleeps," Rarity started pushing Rainbow, "is another," Applejack pushed against Rarity, "acre of Equestria that is covered in smoke!" Pinkie launched herself against Applejack, but Fluttershy still held strong.
Dayum, what kind of leg muscle does she have to stop that amount of force? "I-I-I..." Everyone looked at Fluttershy expectantly, "I can't go in the cave." Everyone groaned and fell back.
"Great, she's scared of caves now, too."
"I'm not scared of caves, I'm scared of dragons."
Applejack cantered up to Fluttershy. "What's that, Sugarcube?"
"I'm scared of dragons."
Now Twilight moved closer to Fluttershy. "What?"
"I'm scared of dragons." Fluttershy quickly said before squealing as the dragon let out another snore, shaking the ground. More smoke billowed out, but I quickly parted it around the girls.
"But Fluttershy, you have a wonderful talent dealing with all kinds of animals!" Twilight protested.
"Yes, because they're not dragons." Fluttershy retorted.
"Oh come on! We've seen you walk up to a horrible manticore like it was nothing!" Rainbow complained.
"Yes, because he wasn't a dragon." Flutters insisted.
"Spike is a dragon. You're not scared of him." Pinkie added.
"Yes, because he's not a huge-gigantic-terrifying-enormous-teeth-gnashing-sharp-scale-having-horn-wearing-smoke-snoring-could-eat-a-pony-in-one-bite-totally-all-grown-up-dragon." Fluttershy said.
"Impressive." I said before the dragon snored again, causing Fluttershy to start whimpering on the ground.
"But, if you're so afraid of dragons, why didn't you say anything before we came all the way up here?" Twilight asked.
"Now it's my turn to intervene." I said, getting off my rock. "Fluttershy here didn't say anything because of a trust problem, correct?" Fluttershy nodded. "Thought so. Think about it for a second. Would you tell a group of people you were afraid of something if you only knew most of them for a couple of days?"
"But she has Rainbow and I." Rarity countered, to which I smirked.
"But would she fell comfortable telling a person who would brush it off/get annoyed and someone who would most likely make a big deal out of one of your fears?" Rarity fell silent at that.
"Listen, Fluttershy." Applejack started. "All of us are scared of that dragon,"
"I'm not!" Rainbow declared.
"Yes you are, now shut up." I said with a glare.
"But we've got a job to do! Now get in there, and show us what you're made of!" Applejack finished.
Fluttershy looked around at everyone's faces. "I-I-I-I just... can't." With that, Fluttershy hung her head as she walked off somewhere.
"Oh Fluttershy..." Twilight sighed before turning to the cave. "I'm going in." She announced as she walked off.
"Don't die!" I called after her, watching as she shivered slightly.
A couple of minutes later and one Twilight came out with a buttload of smoke.
"Well that didn't work." I quipped.
"Well now what?" Applejack asked.
"A-hem hem hem! This calls for a little bit of... pony charm. Stand back and watch the professional work!" Rarity announced dramatically, which is her normal voice, before walking in.
"I was this close to getting my hooves on that diamond!" Rarity complained.
"You do mean getting rid of that dragon, don't you?" Twilight queried.
"Oh, yeah... Sure..." Rarity muttered half-heartedly. Our attention was then brought to Pinkie as she blew into a party blower thingy. Still don't know what they're called.
"Pinkie, what are you wearing? You look ridiculous!" Rarity said, walking over to the randomly dressed up party pony.
"I'm sure all he need's a good laugh!" Pinkie waddled inside.
"Hi!"
*POP*
"I don't think he liked it..." Pinkie trailed off as she walked outside.
"Alright, that's it! Rainbow shouted. "We've tried persuasion, charm... whatever it is Pinkie Pie does, I'm going in!"
"Rainbow, wait!" The girls cried out. I just sighed.
"Get. Out!" We heard Rainbow yell from inside. This was shortly followed by a roar and a wild Dashie turned into a bowling ball, crashing into the other girls, sans Flutters, and all of them tumbling at high speeds towards a larger rock.
Strike! The rock they collided with cracked, revealing Fluttershy, who looked at her friends are groaning in pain. I'll need to check for broken bones later. Flutters looked up to see the dragon stomping closer then back down at her friends, her eyes gaining a hardness to them that very few have ever shown.
"How dare you." She muttered.
"How dare you!" She shouted. Flutters flew up to the dragon and landed on its... snout? Imma go with snout.
"Listen here, mister! Just because you're bigger than them, it doesn't mean you get to push them around! You may have huge teeth and sharp claws, but that doesn't give you the right to push around my friends! You got that?!"
The dragon gulped. "But that rainbow one kicked me." Ranbow Dash nodded her head smugly. I made a boot appear and kick her in the back of the head, making her wince.
"And you're bigger than her, so you should know better!" Fluttershy countered.
"But-"
"No 'but's, mister! Now, what do you have to say for yourself?"
"I-I-I-" The dragon glanced down and seemed to focus on something. I followed his gaze, and saw a frozen Rarity trying to sneak past and get to his hoard.
"I'm going to stop you from taking my hoard!" He roared. Fluttershy went flying back and Rainbow quickly rose up to catch her. They both landed on the ground safely, so I made my move.
"Stand back." I glanced over my shoulder and replaced my current clothes with Mario's overalls and hat. I also gave myself facial hair to match it. "I got this."
I jumped towards the dragon, letting out a 'Wahoo!'. Quickly running behind him so he couldn't get a lock on me, I grabbed his tail and started spinning him around like you need to do to Bowser in Super Mario 64. When I gathered up enough momentum, I summoned a mine and threw the dragon into it.
Bulls-eye! The dragon flew back towards me and I jumped up into the air to grab the tail again. I did a frontflip, holding onto the tail and threw the dragon down onto another mine. When contact was made, the dragon went flying upwards before crashing down. I could see some scales missing and nearly every other one was scuffed or ruined in some other way. When he looked back up at me, I glared at him with the fury of a thousand suns.
"Leave." I pushed as much power as I could into the word without actually making it a Word of Power as I pointed away from Equestria. The dragon nodded rapidly as he shakily got to his legs and started flapping his wings, flying away slowly. When he was out of distance, I let out a satisfied nod and reverted back to my normal clothing.
"That was awesome!" Of course Rainbow would be the first to say that. Everyone else started to shower me with praise, but I held up a hand to stop it all.
"If anything, Fluttershy's the hero for today."
"Huh?" Everyone said, including said pony.
"Fluttershy stood up to her fear of dragons today and scolded one like a mother scolding a child. I think that's pretty impressive." Can't believe I actually had to say that, but oh well. Everyone turned to the shy pegasus and started congratulating her.
"Alright, alright. We can talk on our way back to Ponyville." I said, "Let's go! I wanna get some food!"
The walk back was pretty uneventful. I just snapped my fingers for my phone and a pair of headphones that would block them out and listened to music the whole time.
When we finally got back to the library, it was to see Rainbow's ball fall out of the time bubble as we opened the door.
"NOOOOO!" Rainbow dived for the ball, but it bounced on the floor just before she got to it. "WHYYYYYY?!" She cried to the ceiling as the rest of us walked in.
"Spike! Are you there?" Twilight called.
"What do you need?" Spike called back.
"Can you prepare something for all of us while I write a letter to Princess Celestia?"
"Sure!" No too long after that I heard the water running in the kitchen. When I looked back to Twilight, I saw her writing something on a scroll. What? You expect me to remember each individual thing written on these things? Pfft, do't be ridiculous. I'm not that good. Because Twilight talks out loud as she writes, I quickly tuned everything out, until I saw a yellow hoof poking my leg. I looked down to see Fluttershy looking at me with a smile.
"Thanks. For today." She said. I smiled back at her.
"No problem."
"Aaaand, done! Now to send it off when Spike's finished in there." Twilight said. She then looked at me. "Hey Andrew, are you going to stay long?" I tapped a finger to my chin as I thought.
"Nah. I'm gonna go home and have some down time. Hopefully there's a break between this and the next episode." I muttered the last bit so no one would hear. "But thanks for the offer." I went to leave, but Twilight said one more thing.
"Just remember, we consider you to be our friend. We're here for you." I nodded without turning and walked out the door to see a blue sky.
Welp, time to go try a new game. I snapped my fingers, causing a case to appear in my hands. Can't believe I haven't tried you yet. I though as I looked down at the cover that read 'Grand Theft Auto V'.
The sound of a fan was the only thing that could be heard. This fan was located inside of an office in which 8 ponies were located. To name them, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.
The first to stir was Applejack, due to her being an early riser for farm work. As she looked around the small office, she was met with a peculiar sight.
What is this place? She thought to herself. Looking around her, she noticed her fellow ponies around her.
"Oh shoot!" Applejack rushed over to Rainbow and quickly shook her awake.
"Huh? What's going on?" Rainbow asked, still half asleep. That soon changed as she got a good look around her. "Where are we?" She asked.
"I have no idea," Applejack admitted, causing the blue pegasus to look at her, "But I reckon we should wake the others first." The two ponies set to work on waking everypony up. All of them responded with the same 'Where are we?' question.
As though it could sense everypony's consciousness, after the ponies had woken up completely, a ringing sound filled the room. All movement stopped as the ringing continued to sound out. Eventually, a click was heard and a voice sounded out from seemingly nowhere.
"Hello, hello?" A familiar voice asked.
"ANDREW?!" Everypony yelled.
"Heh, yep that's me." Andrew said.
"Where are you?" Twilight asked.
"I think the better question is 'Where am I not?', Twilight."
"What do you mean?"
"Currently, you are all in one dream, a dream that I have complete control over. So, me being me, I decided to have some fun." Andrew said, putting an emphasis on 'fun'.
"So that's what you needed me to do when you asked for a favour!" Luna declared, glaring into the roof.
"Yep! Now, let me get you settled in. The world you are currently in would have to be one of the most popular horror games." Andrew said.
"H-H-H-Horror?" Fluttershy stuttered.
"Uh huh! And now you get to live it! Well, dream it, but who cares about technicalities?" Twilight raised her hoof. "Except Twilight, who we all know is the biggest nerd."
"You're just as big of a nerd!" Celestia retorted.
"Ouch. My feels." Andrew replied flatly. "Anyway, lemme read the introductory greeting for you. Ahem. Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza! A magical place for kids and grown-ups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life!"
"That doesn't sound so bad." Pinkie commented. Fluttershy nodded in agreement.
"Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced."
"Nevermind!" Pinkie sang. Fluttershy's eyes just widened.
"And done! Now, I know that might sound bad-"
"You think?!" Rainbow yelled.
"But there's really nothing to be worried about, you'll be fine!" Andrew continued, "Just a word of warning, the animatronics do get a bit quirky at night and... well, I'll let you find out for yourselves." Andrew said ominously.
"Can you elaborate further?" Rarity asked.
"Nope! Nor do I want to. It'll be more fun this way." Andrew said. "Now, the animatronics do tend to wander a bit at night, just so their servos don't lock up. They used to be able to walk around during the day too, but then The Bite of '87 happened."
"The bite?" Twilight asked.
"Oops! Said too much! Anyway, the only real danger here is if they see you. Now, the problem here at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza is that the animatronics won't recognize you as a person. You see, there's a rule against endoskeletons being outside of their suit, so they'll try to forcefully put you inside of one. Now, this wouldn't be a problem if the suits weren't filled with crossbeams, wires and other devices. Especially around the facial area."
"What are you tryin' to say?" Applejack asked.
"Hold your horses, I'm getting to it! If you were forcefully put inside an animatronic suit, it may result in a bit of discomfort with a side-effect of death." Andrew said.
"WHAT?!" Everypony shouted.
"Yeah, the only parts that would see the light of day again would be your eyeballs and teeth when they pop out the front of the mask."
"I think I'm going to be sick." Rarity and Fluttershy muttered.
"Okay, first day should be a breeze, I'l talk to you again tomorrow."
"WAIT!" Celestia shouted.
"Yes?" Andrew asked.
"You didn't tell us how things work!"
"Oh yeah. Forgot you don't have these things. Okay, on the desk you'll see a giant screen. Normally it would be a small tablet but this way everyone can see. Next, see the buttons in front of it? They are labelled with each camera name. There is a map of the facility in the bottom-right-hand corner of the screen. Press the buttons to change to the corresponding camera. The far left button turns them on and off. It's the only green one, so just remember that."
Pinkie started spamming the power button.
"Now, the doors to your left and right all have a light to see just outside and a button to close them. Having the door closed drains power as does using the camera. On the wall behind you is a small screen that has your power percentage left. Next to that is a digital clock that tells you the time. Survive until 6 am and you win! Have fun!"
The click came back.
"Andrew?" Luna called out. He didn't respond.
"Okay everypony, here's what's happening!" Twilight announced grabbing everypony's attention in the room. "Applejack and Rainbow Dash, guard the doors and tell us if something's there. Pinkie-"
*Honk*
...
...
...
...
*Honk*
"Hehe." Pinkie giggled.
"Just keep doing what you're doing, I guess...?" Twilight looked around. Everypony, including the Princesses, shrugged back. "Fluttershy and Rarity, keep an eye on the time and how much power we have left. Princesses, use the cameras and rely us information that you get from them."
"Aye aye!" They all snapped off salutes and went off to do their assigned job. Celestia and Luna giggled as they checked through the cameras.
*Honk*
*Honk*
*Honk*
*Honk*
*Honk*
*Honk*
"I'm bored!" Rainbow exclaimed.
"Ugh!" The rest of the Mane 6 groaned.
"One of them has moved!" Celestia announced.
"Which one?" Twilight asked.
"The purple bunny!"
"Try and find it if you can." Twilight said.
"Uh, girls? We've only got 78% left." Fluttershy said.
"And it's only 2:00 am!" Rarity added.
"Turn off those camera-"
"AAAAHHHH!!!!" Celestia and Luna screamed.
Everypony raced to look at the screen, but screamed and back off themselves.
"W-W-W-What is that thing?!" Rarity screamed.
"Turn off the cameras!" Pinkie yelled. Luna quickly reacted and hit the power button. Everypony breathed a sigh of relief.
"I don't think I want to turn those on again." Luna said.
"Then let's leave them off for a while." Twilight said. Everypony hastily agreed.
~~~ 3:30 ~~~
"Anything at the doors?" Twilight asked.
"Hold on, lemme check." Rainbow said. She quickly found that she couldn't fly, so she trotted over to the door and turned on the lights.
"AAAAHHH!" Everypony turned at the scream.
"Close the door close the door close the door!!!" They all yelled. Rainbow quickly hit the door button, closing the door before the bunny could walk inside.
"Phew, that was close." Rainbow sighed.
"Note to self: We should check the doors more often." Twilight said to herself.
"How much power do we have?" Celestia asked while her student was distracted.
"38%, Princess." Rarity replied.
"And time?"
"3:37."
"Still have two and a half hours left." Luna commented.
"Then let's make it count!" Applejack stated.
~~~ 5:28 ~~~
"Have the monitors been turned on recently?" Twilight asked.
Celestia shook her head. "Not since that bunny got close to it."
"Turn them on and check everything."
"Are you sure?"
Twilight nodded. Celestia turned the on switch, unable to use magic, and started flicking through the cameras, taking her time in inspecting each one. In Pirate Cove, however...
"Is that supposed to be there?"
The curtains were open and a sign was placed there with writing saying 'It's me'. Celestia continued flicking through the cameras, and when she got to the West Hallway, something was running down it.
"Close the left door! Quickly!" She shouted. Rainbow jumped at the button and closed it just before a loud banging could be heard on the other side.
No pony spoke.
...
...
...
...
...
*Honk*
"That was too close." Luna said.
"I agree." Celestia said.
"There's only 2% power remaining." Fluttershy said.
"What?!" Everypony whirled towards Fluttershy.
"Turn the cameras off!" Twilight shouted.
Luna ran over to the power button and quickly pressed it.
"1%."
No pony moved a muscle as the lights turned off. Footsteps could be heard as they all waited in the darkness. Suddenly, music started playing out of the blue. A face suddenly appeared from the darkness, shocking them all into paralysis.
The music suddenly stopped and the face went away, causing the room to go completely dark.
More footsteps.
Closer.
Closer.
Closer.
A bell started chiming as the clock behind the ponies turned to 6 am, children's cheers filling their ears. Before any of them could comprehend what was happening, they were whisked away to another room in front of a grinning Andrew.
Instantly, Rainbow Dash was in his face. "What the buck do you mean?! Why did you make us do that?!" She demanded.
"Oh don't worry about it!" Andrew replied, "It's all just a bit of fun!"
"Fun for you, maybe!" Rainbow retorted.
"Eh, doesn't matter. Now, does anyone have any questions?" Andrew asked. Everypony in the room raised a hoof, causing Andrew to sigh.
"Alright, we'll do this in order. It'll go Pinkie, Fluttershy, Twilight, Rarity, Celly, Applejack, Rainbow and lastly Luna. Take it away Pinkie."
"What were those things?" Pinkie asked.
"They are what's called 'animatronics'." Andrew replied, "Next."
"What are their names?" Fluttershy asked, "If they have any."
"The bear, who I know you all saw at the end of the night, is Freddy. The bunny is Bonnie, the fox is Foxy and the chicken is called Chica. Next."
"Why were they trying to kill us?" Twilight asked.
Andrew was silent for a few minutes before responding. "That, is one of the questions that doesn't have any actual facts from the producer of the game that I know of, but there are plenty of theories. Unfortunately, I won't answer your question as you will find out if you pay attention to the cameras. Next."
"Why is the place so run down?" Rarity asked.
"Once again, you'll need to keep going to find out the answer to that. Next." Andrew said.
"What do you mean by 'first night'?" Celestia asked.
Andrew smiled, "I'm glad you picked up on that. The name of the game, is Five Nights at Freddy's, or FNAF for those, me included, who like to say that." His smile deepened as everypony realised what he was implying.
"WE HAVE TO DO 4 MORE NIGHTS?!?!!?!"
"Eeyep!" And a little something extra. He thought. "Oh, and each night is going to get harder."
"WHAT?!?!"
"But that night was already really hard!" Twilight complained.
"Look, I was watching you, and I'm surprised at how bad you are. I know that none of you have ever done this before, but I was better on my first try."
"Oh yeah?" Rainbow asked, "Prove it."
Andrew grinned. "With pleasure."
The ponies all gathered around a screen that appeared, showing Andrew sitting in a chair with wheels on the bottom. In the top right corner of the screen was the time, but it only displayed the hour. In the bottom left was the power percentage, as well as a meter labelled 'Usage'. So far it was only at 1 bar.
They all waited for Andrew to do something, and only saw him closing the left door, making the 'Usage' meter go up another bar. He slid back from the door to the middle of the office, and they all waited to see what he was going to do next.
...
...
...
...
...
...
*Snore*
Everypony simultaneously groaned as they realised he was asleep.
There was a chime as the clock hit 6 am. Andrew was teleported back to the room where everypony else was waiting.
"Well?" He asked with a wolfish grin.
"You cheated!" Applejack and Rainbow accused.
"No, I used strategy. Back on Earth I played this game so often and researched the lore behind it and the sequels extensively."
"Sequels?" Fluttershy quietly asked.
"Yep! Don't worry though. You would all fail them, so I won't make you do them. Next question!"
"You said this whole thing was a game made in your world?" Applejack asked.
"Yep! None of this actually happened. If it did and I got the position, I would quit after the first night anyway. Next!"
"What-"
"Actually, you've had a turn Rainbow." Andrew mused.
"Huh?!" Rainbow asked, confused.
"Yeah, I'd say getting me to do the first night was already enough. Now, what is your question Luna?"
"Why did you get me to help you do this?" She asked.
"Because you are the expert when it comes to dreams. I would never wish this upon anyone. Anyway, onto the next night!" Andrew clapped his hands and the ponies found themselves back in the office.
The ponies groaned as consciousness returned to them.
"Is everypony okay?" Rarity asked.
6 other voices returned the question.
"Hold on," Rarity said, "Where's Fluttershy?"
No pony got to think on it as the ringing started up again.
*Click*
"Hello, hello?" Andrew called like the first night.
"Where's Fluttershy?!" Everypony demanded.
"Oh, she's with me. Say 'hi' Fluttershy! Hey, that rhymed." Andrew said.
"H-Hello everypony." Fluttershy stuttered.
"Now, let me finish." Andrew took over, "I won't talk as long as the crew gets more active as the week goes on. In fact, check to cameras while I talk to make sure everyone is in their proper places."
Pinkie turned on the cameras again and started checking them.
"Now, interesting fact: Freddy himself doesn't come off stage that often. Although, as you discovered, he does get very active in the dark. So don't run out of power, alright? Now, again as you found out last night, the door lights are extremely important. The cameras have blind spots and those blind spots happen to be right outside your door."
"Rainbow, Applejack, you know what to do." Twilight said, the two mentioned ponies nodding and saluting before running off to a door.
"One last thing before I leave you for the night." Andrew continued, "Check on Pirate Cove. It's labelled on your camera buttons, so make sure you check it. Foxy lives there and he gets more active the longer he goes unchecked. Again, you found that out last night by not using the cameras at all. Alright, see you soon."
"Okay everypony. Same as last night. Just try to conserve more power." Twilight said.
"But Twilight, what about Fluttershy's job?" Rarity asked.
"You can keep an eye on the time and power level." Twilight said. Rarity nodded.
"The bunny, I mean Bonnie, is Backstage." Celestia reported.
"Well at least he isn't up in the cam-" Twilight was cut off as the screen was filled with static.
When it disappeared, everypony jumped back.
"Waugh!"
"Change the camera!" Celestia didn't waste time waiting. She slammed a hoof down on a random button and the camera changed to Pirate Cove.
"Is that... Foxy?" Luna asked.
"I think it is." Rarity said.
"Weren't we supposed to keep an eye on him?" Pinkie asked.
*Honk*
"Yeah. Andrew said to." Rainbow said.
"Then keep the camera on him at all times." Twilight said.
"Uh, we only have 76% remaining for 2:12 am." Rarity stated nervously.
Twilight nodded. "We'll be careful."
~~~ 3:47 ~~~
"Close the left door!" Said door was quickly shut, keeping Bonnie from entering the office.
"Yeah!" Rainbow gave Applejack a quick high-hoof before they went back to watching their doors.
"How much power do we have?" Luna asked.
*Honk*
"39%, Princess." Rarity said.
"And time?"
"3:49 am."
"Turn off the cameras." Twilight said.
"Are you su-"
"Yes. We don't want to use anymore power."
Luna sighed and turned off the cameras.
"What was Foxy's last known position?" Twilight asked.
"He had stepped outside the curtains before we turned off the cameras." Celestia replied.
"Hopefully he will stay there." Twilight said.
~~~ 5:03 ~~~
The ponies had their eyes glue to the doors, already they had been forced to close them to stop Bonnie from getting in 3 more times. Everything was silent except for the lumbering footsteps and quick running.
The ponies all screamed as they were taken back to the room in front of a smirking Andrew.
When they finally stopped screaming, they opened their eyes to see Andrew's smug expression.
"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow and Applejack yelled.
"That was your first out of many jumpscares." Andrew replied. "Do you remember the sound that randomly happened whenever you turned on the door light and Bonnie was outside it?"
"Now that you mention it, yeah. There was definitely a noise whenever that happened." Luna said.
"That sound happens so it can scare the player. Most of this game is composed of jumpscares with a little bit of tension, but most of it tends to be those. Tell me, did your heart start racing whenever that happened?" Andrew said. Everypony nodded. "Then it worked."
"But what was that about Foxy jumping through the door?!" Twilight asked, borderlining on hysterical.
"It was a jumpscare. And it always works, unless you're like me and have built up a resistance to it. Basically, you lost." Andrew said.
"So we don't have to do this anymore?" Rainbow asked.
"What's wrong? Are you scared?" Applejack teased.
Rainbow blushed slightly. "N-N-No! I just didn't want everypony else to be scared, that's all!" She lied. Andrew rose an eyebrow at her.
"Ignoring that, no I am not ending this." He said.
"WHAT?!?!?!!?! WHY?!?!"
"Ah! Be a bit quieter next time, would you?!" Andrew said, covering his ears. "Anyway, I'm going to get you to finish this game. Oh, and for those that were wondering why Fluttershy wasn't there; after every night I'm going to pick one of you from random to stay with me here. Eventually, there will only be 2. Those 2 will have to work together."
"But this is impossible!" Rarity exclaimed.
Andrew gave them a deadpanned look. "Did you not learn anything from me?" You could practically see the processing signs above their heads as they all collectively face-hoofed.
"Now I'm going to send you back, and this time don't mess it up!" Andrew said before clapping his hands once again.
When the ponies awoke once more, they quickly closed the left door and waited.
And waited...
And waited...
And waited...
And waited...
And wai-
*Honk*
"I'm bored!"
"UGH!!!"
~~~ 5:30 ~~~
So far there had been two knocks on the door from Foxy while everypony sat in the middle of the office, waiting for the clock to tick over to 6 am.
"Got any 3's?"
"Go fish."
The shuffling of cards could be heard.
...
...
"Got any Queens?"
A sigh resonating through the room. "Here you go."
"Yes! 7 pairs!"
"How are you so good at this, Pinkie?"
Pinkie giggled. "A magician never reveals their secrets!" She sang. "Besides Dashie, you have 4 pairs."
"Yeah, but I'm still losing!" Rainbow complained.
"Bah! It's all in good fun!"
"Ugh, how much longer?" Rainbow called out.
"Still 15 minutes, Darling." Rarity responded.
"Hmph."
...
...
...
...
"Got any aces?"
"Noper doper! Go fish!"
"UGH!!"
~~~ 6:00 ~~~
"Finally!" Rainbow yelled as the bells chimed.
They were all teleported back to the room holding Andrew and Fluttershy, only to see them seated at a table with a bunch of dogs playing Texas Hold 'em.
"Alright lads, show your hands!" Andrew announced. Everyone threw down their hands but Fluttershy.
"Let's see. One pair, three of a kind, nothing, nothing, straight, straight flush." Andrew said. "Welp, looks like you win that one." He said, looking at a chihuahua.
"Actually," Fluttershy said, putting down her cards, "Royal flush." She finished smugly.
All the dogs and Andrew stared at her with slack jaws. They looked on in silence before Andrew spoke up.
"Well boys, I don't think we'll keep our money with us if we play with this girl again." They all nodded in agreement.
"Hey!" Rainbow shouted, causing the dogs to gather up their bits and run out a random door that appeared out of nowhere.
"Ah! You're finished!" Andrew said, snapping his fingers and making the table disappear along with the bits on top. He bent down to Fluttershy's ear.
"I sent your bits back to your place." He whispered. He stood up straight before continuing in a normal voice. "Congratulations on beating the second night. Even though I had to tell you how." He mumbled the last part to himself.
"Now, who's ready for Night 3?" Andrew asked, hands in the air with an excited expression on his face.
"I don't think any of us are-" Celestia started
"Great!" Andrew interrupted. His expression turned darker, "And remember, one of you stay here." He started rubbing his hands in glee before the ponies were shipped off.
As everypony woke up, Celestia was the first to speak up. "Okay, who's here?"
"Me." Rainbow.
"Me." Applejack.
"Me." Rarity.
"Me." Luna.
"Me." Pinkie.
...
"Then it looks like we've lost Twilight." Celestia said with a sigh.
"Eh, we can do this without her." Rainbow said.
"Maybe, but it will probably get much harder without her telling us what to do." Applejack said.
Before anypony else could talk, ringing reverberated through the room.
*Click*
"Hello, hello?" Andrew's voice sounded.
"Good evening." Rarity said.
"And you too. Anyway, I would just like to take a bit of time to say that things start getting real tonight."
"What do you mean?" Luna asked.
"Do you remember Chica?" When no pony responded Andrew elaborated further, "The chicken." A chorus of 'Oh's answered him, "Watch out for her. Also, make sure you keep an eye on Foxy. That rascal sure does get a bit restless!"
No pony laughed.
"Wow, tough crowd. Look, doesn't matter. Just don't go full retard like every other night so far and you should be fine. Remember to balance your power to camera usage and check the door lights. I'll see you after."
*Click*
"Okay, what first?" Rarity asked.
"Same thing as last night, I guess." Applejack replied.
"Okay!" Pinkie said. She hopped over to the poster on the left side of the wall and started hammering away at Freddy's nose.
"Do you think she can sleep through the constant honking?" Luna asked Celestia.
"Maybe. You never know." Celestia replied.
Then, static occupied the camera screen, stopping everypony from seeing anything.
Celestia sighed. "Not this again." She turned off the camera and walked over to the now unoccupied door and checked the light. "Nothing."
Moving back to her position in front of the cameras, she turned them back on.
"Uh, Chica's moved." She said, catching everypony's attention.
"Where is she?" Pinkie asked, still spamming Freddy's nose.
"Checking now..." Celestia trailed off, looking through the different cameras.
"There!" Luna cried, lifting a hoof and pointing it at the screen. In the Bathroom, looking up at the camera, was Chica.
"We found Chica, everypony! No need to panic any longer." Luna announced.
"We weren't in the first place." Applejack replied flatly, giving Luna a level stare.
"Oh... Never mind." Luna said in defeat.
"What about Foxy?" Rarity asked.
"Oh! Completely forgot about him." Celestia said, switching over to Pirate Cove. "He's just peeking out of the curtain." She informed Rarity.
"Good. Wouldn't want to have to deal with him." Rarity said, going back to looking at the power and time. "Oh, and by the way, we have 82% for 1:00 am."
"Good. Looks like things are looking up for us." Applejack stated.
"What could possibly go wrong?" Pinkie added.
~~~ 2:31 ~~~
"GO AWAY YOU STUPID CHICKEN!" Pinkie yelled, slamming her hoof down on the door button. "Ugh! When will this chicken go away?!"
"What about actually giving her the pizza?" Applejack asked, standing at the other end of the office. The other ponies just watched on impassively, munching on popcorn.
Rainbow excluded, of course.
"No! Never!" Pinkie exclaimed. She quickly check the door light, only to see nothing there. "Finally!" She opened the door and went back to honking the poster.
Hold on. *Flips through script.* Yeah, that's actually the phrase. Oh well.
Applejack sighed and checked her door lights, only to see Bonnie there. "Nnope." She said in her best Big Macintosh impersonation. Or would it be imponyation? Eh, specifics.
...
...
...
"Pizza?"
"NO!" Pinkie shouted, rushing back to the door and closing. "YOU WILL NOT TAKE MY PIZZA!"
"Pizza!"
"NO!"
Celestia sighed. "Let's just check the cameras." Her and Luna flicked through the cameras, taking note of what Foxy was doing. The last camera they flicked to was the West Hall Corner.
"Hmm... Was that there before?" Luna asked.
A quiet giggle sounded through the building...
Celestia stared at the camera for a while. "Hmm... Hmm... Yeah, that's the same." They turned off the cameras and turned around.
"Uhh, what's that?" They asked, pointing at the limp, golden bear, lying on the ground. Everypony turned to look at the golden bear.
Celestia, Luna, Rarity, Pinkie, Applejack and Rainbow Dash all woke up screaming and gasping. When they finished having their little panic attacks, all of them took a look at their surroundings.
"Why are we in my chambers?" Celestia asked.
"I see you're all awake." A familiar voice said. The ponies turned to see Equestria's resident human standing behind them. "Unfortunately for you, we're not done yet. Back to sleep!" Andrew said with a wolfish grin, snapping his fingers.
Instantly, the ponies fell asleep and found themselves in front of Twilight and Fluttershy.
"What happened?" Asked Rainbow, the one pony who had slept through the whole thing.
"You just encountered Golden Freddy." Andrew said, stepping out of fog that had just randomly started forming.
"Yep. One of the most mysterious characters to boot. At least, in my opinion. Anyway, you failed the night, so back at it with you!" Andrew went to clap his hands, but Pinkie interrupted him.
"What." It wasn't a question.
"You have to go back in there."
"And deal with that chicken again?"
"Yep."
"..."
"O...kay... Good talk, I guess?" Andrew clapped his hands sending them back.
"No." Pinkie whispered.
"I'm sorry, Darling. What was that?" Rarity asked.
"No." Pinkie said, slightly louder.
"One more time?" Applejack said.
"NO!" Pinkie became a whirlwind of activity as she single-handedly, or single-hoofedly, starting operating the cameras, lights and doors.
"Should we stop her?" Rainbow whispered to Applejack.
"Nah, she seems like she's having fun." Applejack responded.
Celestia and Luna just stared at the pink pony with slack jaws. How? They both thought.
~~~ 2:10 | 81% ~~~
"Stay away from meh doors you stupid, purple bunny!" Pinkie shouted as she blocked Bonnie off with the doors.
~~~ 3:43 | 67% ~~~
"Pizza?"
"FOR THE LAST TIME, NO!"
~~~ 4:29 | 38% ~~~
"STOP GANGING UP ON ME!" Pinkie shouted as she had to keep both doors closed to stop Bonnie and Chica from entering the office..
"Pizza!"
"GO GET SOME BUCKING PIZZA FROM THE BUCKING KITCHEN!"
~~~ 5:55 | 0% ~~~
The lights went out as Freddy's jingle started to jangle.
"SHUT UP!" Pinkie shouted, interrupting Freddy mid-song. Freddy just looked at her. "YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH TONIGHT, SO YOU CAN JUST GO BACK TO YOUR STAGE AND LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Freddy cowed to her wishes and walked back out the door, making sure to keep eye contact with the pink menace at all times.
*Ding dong ding dong, ding dong ding dong.*
"FINALLY!"
"Congra-"
"SHUT UP AND LET ME LEAVE!" Pinkie interrupted Andrew, getting in his face.
"Fine! I was going to anyway. You're kinda overpowered when provoked."
"GOOD!" Pinkie stormed off, leaving a crew of dumbfounded ponies and a nonplussed Andrew.
"Never thought she'd do that." He muttered. "Now, Night 4 coming up!"
