Reunite
I always believed late night flying is dumb and dangerous. If the moon wasn't out you'll be unable to see, easy to lose your way, even the number of unknown dangers that happens in the night.
This thought leads to another thought of, why do I take a night flight once a week?
I flew over Canterlot towards the area where I had my dual with Shadow. Some places of the city were lit up while others were dark, said a few lights. Guards patrol the streets on claw- I mean hoof, while others flew in the air. One said group flew under me, not batting an eye as I flapped my wings.
“Indifference spell, very handy.” I muttered to myself as I sailed through the sky. It took me a few minutes till I found the area and landed. The place was deserted, a shadowy and silent reflection of earlier. “Right, okay if this is going to work…”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, my horn glowed as a purple mist began to fill the place. The mist rose up and took on the form of the ponies, I open my eyes as there were a large number of ponies around. I walked over to the spot I was and looked at the crowd.
“If I was here… then I moved over here, talked a little…” I retraced my steps and actions. “I stopped here and- there!”
I trotted over and saw the image of the mare from before, in my dream. I stared at it for a bit before nodding, “Okay, now if I concentrate…”
I lit my horn again, my claws did so as well as the other mist ponies dissipated other than the mare. The mist turned from my purple to a dark pink colour. After a few moments, the form blinked before looking around. It stared in my direction before following something then turning around and trotted off.
I smiled as I followed the echo of magic this unicorn. We continued trotting until it stopped at a store. My smile turned into a frown as the pony enter the store.
“I hope this won't take too long, I don't have all night.
The form flickered as I followed it down another street. It has been hours since I've made the echo and so far I have seen it go into a number of stores.
“I can't… keep this spell up… any longer!” I said, trying to push as much magic into the spell. I looked up to see the echo walk into a building. It wasn't another store, it looked like a home, and one of the windows was lit up. “Oh thank Bahamut!”
I let the spell disperse as I walked over to the door. I brushed my mane a bit and ruffled my wings, I took a deep breath and raised my claw up to knock. I hesitated a moment before I knocked, I pulled away and looked at my claw. Why was I nervous? I just wanted answers so why am I nervous?
I shook my head and continue on what I was doing; knocking. A simple four knocks would do as I lowered my claw and waited, I heard some sounds going off in the building.
‘Ah, one moment!’ a voice called out in the building it was the same voice from the dream. I simply nodded at the door and waited until the same colour aura of the echo covered the handle and the door opened. A gray fur unicorn with a purple and white mane walked out to see me. “Hello, how can I- oh my.”
“Hello miss.” I greeted her, trying to be more formal. “Sorry to disturb you at this late hour but… I believe I saw you earlier today.”
“Oh yes, I was… well, you could say I was out for a little shopping.” she said with a giggle. My ears flatten a bit, a little?!
I shook my head before continuing. “Right, well… I need to talk to you on a matter that involves the both of us.”
“Oh, uh, alright…” the mare looked behind her before looking at me. “You want to come in? I got a pot of tea on.”
I smiled at her and nodded. The two of us walked into the building as I looked around. For being a place in Canterlot the place was pretty mundane so to speak; a staircase going upstairs to the second floor, some hallways going to other places in the home, completely differed from the outside, from heading towards the place I saw a grand tower attracted.
I followed the mare into the study where I saw the walls were covered with bookcases that were filled with different types of books. Some range from adventure, thriller, and so on. I was in awe at this.
“Wow… this is amazing.” I commented out loud. The mare giggled at this.
“Oh it's not that great, any other bookworm I collect books of any kind, it also helps with my job as an editor of an adventure book.” she explained as she levitated a bit out form a small kitchen with a teapot and cups.
“Well, I do appreciate someone with a love of books.” I said as I sat down on a large pillow.
“Oh well, it also allows me to uh, relive my old adventure days.” she said. This made me raise an eyebrow.
“You, the adventuring type? Not to sound rude but you don't look the part.” I commented as I took the cup with my own magic.
“Oh it's not really like in the books, think of it more… traveling with some interesting events.” she laughed as she poured the tea. “Oh I'm sorry, I didn't tell you my name.”
“It's fine misss.” I told her as I set my tea down and shifted a bit. This case the mare to raise an eyebrow and laughed. “Besides, it kinda reminds me of my fillyhood… the other dragons tell me I was one adventurous filly.”
“Well that's also interesting, but better to tell you so you don't call me miss, my name is Twilight Velvet but others call me Velvet.” she introduced herself. I raised an eyebrow at that.
“Interesting, I share the same name, sorta. I'm Twilight Scintillula, and it's nice to meet you.” I greeted.
“Oh, well that is interesting.” she said with a sad smile. I picked up on that sadness but didn't say anything, more focus on why I'm here.
“Yes well, now for the reason on why I'm here. You see last night… or two nights ago depending on the time right now, I had a dream that I was walking through a maze of books and saw you there.” I told her. Velvet nodded at this, tilting her head a bit.
“That's odd, I had the exact dream on the same night, but I saw you… how odd.” she said as she stirred her tea with a spoon.
“You did? Do you know what it means?” I asked, scratching my head. “I can't for the life of me figure it out.”
I started to ramble off for a bit before looking up at Velvet staring at me, taking sips of her tea. I blushed a bit at the sight of her.
“Sorry, didn't mean to ramble off like that…” I took the tea and took a few sips, the taste of honey and oranges filled my mouth which was calming. She seemed to laugh at this.
“Oh oh it's fine, kinda reminds me of my husband. I can't have a place in this house that isn't organized. The worst part is that he used to organize my books, sure it's fine for a bit but after a while… well, I did threaten him to throw out his organizing booklet if he touches them again.” she said with a light-hearted laugh. I chuckled at this, reminded my own threat to Amber if she did the same thing. The two of us chatted a bit more as at times I brought up the dream question from before, only to come up with nothing. I sighed as I emptied my third drink and looked at the clock on the wall.
“It's getting late, sorry to disturb you Velvet.” I said to her, putting my cup down beside the pot.
“Oh it's not a problem, I'm used to staying up late… Oh are you going to see Shining Armor anytime soon?” she asked me. I rolled a growl in my throat at the question before answering.
“Yes… I will be in due time.” she smiled at me.
“Well just to let you know, he's my oldest son, and he may be the captain of the royal guard he has the tendency of forgetting stuff, like his suit. If you see him mind giving it to him?” she asked me. I thought about it for a few moments, sure I'm not on good terms with him after yelling at him and his soon to be wife but…
“I don't mind taking it to him…” I told her, trying to not sound forced. She smiled and stood up.
“Well I have to go get it if you don't mind me waiting, or you could follow.” she offered. I mulled over the idea before nodding.
“I don't mind following, I could simply teleport myself out.” I told her. Soon the two of us headed upstairs and down a hallway. We stopped at a doorway and Velvet opened it.
“Now where did I- oh good Celestia Night you came in here haven't you…” Velvet grumbled. I heard things getting pushed around and some more muttering coming from the room. I chuckled as I waited. I looked around and down the hallway. It had a number of pictures on the walls, probably of family moments and other interesting events that happened. I smiled at the idea of that but it was overtaken by a nagging feeling that I've seen this before.
Almost subconsciously I walked down the hallway, looking at the pictures. The pictures showed what I thought of, moments of time with this family, having fun and loving each other, I saw Velvet with a dark blue Unicorn Stallion with golden eyes with a younger Shining Armor. I even saw him with a teenage Cadenza, as I looked at it I knew the Cadenza that I saw to the one in the picture were two different ponies. I continued down until I stopped at one photo. One of Velvet holding a small, bundle with a purple unicorn filly in her forelegs. This made my heart ache more as I turned my head to a slightly open door. Without a second thought, I pushed the door open and stepped inside.
The room was spacious, the walls on one side were a dark blue with a number of stars while the other was light blue and smiling clouds with the sun and moon joined together over a crib. I stared at the crib for a bit as my head started to work, images of my old recurring dream came up, a dark figure with paws picked me up and carried me. I followed the invisible line towards the window as the figure opened it and stopped. I walked over to the window and saw the street outside.
The figure jumped out of the window with me in its arms and ran down it, from what my memories that I could recall. I turned back to the crib and walked towards it, I saw that it hasn't been used for some time. My eyes widen as I saw a familiar blanket on it, to which I picked it up. It was soft to the touch as brought it close to my head. Memories of holding such a blanket in the forelegs, before my claws came. I moved my claw over to the one edge of the blanket and flipped it up, I gasped a bit as I saw a name on the edge.
Twilight Sparkle
I stared at that name for a time before I heard a voice from the door.
“What are you doing in here?” Velvet asked me, holding a tux with her magic. I stared at her before looking at the blanket.
“I have the same blanket…” I whispered to myself. I looked back at Velvet as I held the blanket up. “Where did you get this?”
“I… I made them, for my… wait why am I answering your question where you should be answering mine!” she snapped at me. I stared at her before I used my magic to teleport my bag to me. I placed the blanket from the crib down and opened my bag. I rummaged through the bag before bringing up a more beat up and stained blanket that looked almost the same as the other one. I had this blanket ever since I was small, I would never leave it behind… good thing that Amber doesn't snoop through my bags or she'll hang this over my head for life! I held it up for her to see.
“I had this ever since I was small, my parents that raised me named me after the name on this blanket.” I told her. She looked at my blanket before taking the other one speechless. “Tell me… tell me what does it mean!”
She flinched at my outburst before looking back down, “I… I sewed my fillies name in each of her blankets so she could see her name, Twilight Sparkle…” she narrowed her eyes a bit. “Spark...le… Hey, what does...Scintillula mean?”
“Little Spark…” I answered. “My parents didn't have a name in dragon tougne that meant Sparkle so…” the two of us stared at each other as something simply...clicked. As if the missing puzzle piece was found and pushed in. She stepped closer to me, tears began to form.
“Please.” she started. “Please let this be real… I-I can't take another dream before…”
I stood there as she got closer and reached out to touch me with her hoof. She gasped as she did so. I closed my eyes, feeling a sob forming. I heard her crying in front of me.
“You came back… all these years you came back home!” I felt her hug me as tightly as she could. “My baby girl.”
“M-mom…” I sobbed as I hugged my mom, my actual mom, close. The two of us stayed like that as I folded my wings around us. After a few minutes we heard someone cough, I unfurled my wings and saw the dark blue stallion from the pictures wearing a housecoat and pink fuzzy slippers on his hooves. We all stared at each other awkwardly before he spoke.
“I'll just… leave you two alone… Sorry to disturb you.” he then started to back away slowly as the two of us stared at each other and smiled.
“We have a lot to talk about.” she said, wiping away some tears.
“Yeah… we do…” I sniffle a bit as she wiped away my tears. She smiled before turning her head.
“Honey! Put a pot of water on! Tonight is going to be a long one!!”
She wasn't kidding that the night was going to be a long one. We talked about anything we could come up with, both me and my two biological parents learned more and more about each other by passing minute.
“Well, I'm happy that my love of organization was passed down to you.” Nightlight, my father, said with pride in his voice. I chuckled at this as my mother rolled her eyes.
“Yes yes, we both know how happy you are.” Velvet said. She turned to me with a warm smile. “I just can't believe that over the years you turned out as a… I'm sorry what was it you called yourself?”
“Kirin.” I answered her. She hummed in thought at my answer.
“You know, I maybe have a few books on that race… I just don't remember where…” she turned and pointed at her husband. “And don't you start.”
“What, me? Never.” he said jokingly. The three of us laughed.
“I might take a look at those books if you don't mind Velvet.” I asked her. She gave me a look before nodding.
“Of course dear, also you can call me mom.” she pointed out.
“Yeah, and you can call me dad.” Nightlight added. My ears flatten on my head.
“I know… but, you know, the two back in the Dragon Empire, it kinda feels…”
“Odd?” Velvet finished for me. I bit my lip and nodded. She reached over and put her hoof on my claw. “Sweetie, I know you have family back there and I wouldn't dream of taking that away from you. I just know that I'm so happy I finally found you after all these years.”
I smiled at her, wiping away a tear as Nightlight put a hoof on Velvets hoof. “And you have family here as well.”
I smiled the two of them for a bit as we continued chatting. I also learned that Captain Shining Armor is my older brother, well that's going to be an awkward tell with him coming up. That also means Cadenza is going to be my sister-in-law.
… I don't know how to take that.
After another hour or two, I stepped out of the home a bit tired of staying up all night. I yawned as I turned to my parents.
“I've better get back to the palace if anyone finds me missing… well, anything could happen.” I said to them.
“Alright honey, don't be a stranger.” my Nightlight said.
“Are you going to the wedding, dear?” Velvet asked me. I thought about it for a moment, I left the couple in a bad mood the last time I saw them.
“I'll try, maybe at the after party?” I asked them. Velvet nodded and yawned.
“That would be best, I think after tonight we'll maybe miss the ceremony.” she explained. I again flatten my ears as she waved her hoof nonchalantly. “Oh, don't be sad. It's was worth it.”
“Alright, see you two there… mom, dad.” I said before taking off into the air, happiness swelled in my heart as I flew towards the castle.
It was a little wobbly since I was tired from talking all night long with my family, I wonder what my parents back in the Empire would think about this? Maybe I can get them to meet each other or something.
As I thought about it I flew closer to the palace and desires to teleport into it instead of flying in, making sure no other pony saw me… wait was the indifference spell still going? I can't remember…
I shook my head as I used my magic and teleported into the palace. I looked around and saw that… I wasn't in my room but the place where the ceremony is going to take place.
“Dang it, I thought I got the right place.” I shook my head a bit. “I must be tired, making me a bit sloppy… good thing I didn't reappear in a wall, that would have been bad.”
I began to walk towards the door out when I noticed some burnt marks on the ground. I looked at it and saw that it was a black circle, big enough to surround a pony. The idea of sleep was pushed aside as I started to investigate the burnt circle. I sensed traces of magic about it as well.
“Hmmm, how odd…” I muttered to myself. My eyelids drooped a bit as I shook my head a bit. Looking up at the door and walked towards it. Opening it I looked around to see a mare pushing a trolley with food and some, what I could guess it coffee. “Excuse me, is that coffee?”
“Why yes it is, would you like some?” she asked me.
“Yes, I'll take the coffee… And some toast.” I answered. Before she could answer I levitated the coffee pot to me and simply chugged the whole thing down. The mare stared at me as I did so before finishing it and sighing happily, now really awake. “Thank you! Oh, and my toast.”
I took some toast as well and closed the door, leaving the mare there. As I munched on the toast I scanned the spot and found out that the spell that was cast lead deep underground. Deciding on finding out what's going on, I used my own magic to teleport down there, following the spell.
I turned up in a crystal cavern, well sorta there was some crystals protruding put from the walls. I licked my lips at them, shaking my head.
“I'll eat crystals and gems later.” I said to myself as I continued following the trail of magic, finishing my toast from before.
As I walked through the tunnels, a light spell lighting my way from my horn, I began to hear some sounds of a struggle from ahead. Still munching on my bread I got closer and peered into the room. I saw a group of ponies there, three of them looking like bridesmaids with a sickly green glow from their eyes advancing on two other ponies. One of them was Sunset Shimmer, wait why was she here? Was the spell from before for her? Beside her was… Cadenza? Wait what?
As I looked at her she seemed different; she was much skinnier than before, mane messed up and dirty, she also looked a bit scared. I watched the two back themselves to a wall as the Cadenza lifted a bouquet of flowers and threw it over the three mares. The three watched it fly and looked at the two blankly.
“Well, it was worth a try…” the pink pony said. I rolled my eyes as the three jumped at them. Using this at an opening I caught them in a spell to hold them there. A purple aura surrounds them as they wiggled to get free.
“And...sleep~.” I command them. I felt something in their minds, controlling them to do what they're doing. I forced my suggestion on them until it went through and the three went to sleep, breaking the spell from before. I lowered them down to the ground and stepped into the room. “You just need a good set of words to pull it off.”
“Twilight!” Sunset said, sounding relieved from seeing me. I smiled at her as I saw the other pony, a bit wary around me.
“I'm guessing you're not the Cadenza from up in the palace?” I asked her. The pink pony stared at me, maybe to the fact of my looks. Again, I really don't blame her like everypony else.
“The one up there is a fake! This is the real Cadence!” Sunset proclaims, standing between me and the other Alicorn.
“Oh, I know it's the real her.” I pointed out, munching on my toast.
“You do?” the Alicorn asked me. To which I nodded.
“Yeah, I don't have the urge to blast you into a wall.” I answered simply as I offer her my other slice of toast.
“I… don't blame you for that.” she said, taking the slice and wolfing it down.
“We have to get up there! Warn Princess Celestia, Shining Armor, everypony about the fake!” Sunset said before running off down a random tunnel. I sighed and dragged her back to me.
“Calm down for a moment.” I said. She chuckled nervously as I cast a spell to lead us out of the tunnel the fastest way.
“Thank you miss.” The real Cadenza said to me. I gave her a small smile.
“No problem princess.” I said back before the three of us headed out.
“I know this is odd but… what's your name?” she asked me. I looked at her for a moment before thinking about it.
“Scintillula… or Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle.”
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You may want an editor go through the chapters you posted.
Scintillula, Scintillula bond
This time, I did start noting down errors but there were so many in just the first scene alone that I lack the willpower to give thorough feedback for the rest of the chapter. (Though I did comment on a few that caught my attention)
Hopefully, I've explained why each problem is a mistake with enough detail that you can find and fix further occurrences yourself.
The best way to explain the mistake here would probably be to deconstruct the sentence.
First, "If the moon wasn't out you'll be unable to see".
In a conditional sentence like "If X, ...", you want the second clause to use a verb in conditional form. Also, you need a comma between the clauses.
"If the moon wasn't out, you'd be unable to see." (you'd = you would)
Technically, you're also supposed to use "weren't" (were not, the past conditional) instead of "wasn't" (was not, the past indicative), but that mistake has become so commonplace that it depends on whether the character would know that.
The comma is necessary because you're reversing the "natural order" of the sentence to put the dependent clause (the one which can't stand on its own) first, and the comma indicates the transition to the independent clause. The form without the comma is "You'd be unable to see if the moon wasn't out".
(If you're not familiar with the difference between independent and dependent clauses, think of it like this. "You'd be unable to see" can stand on its own. It's independent. "If the moon wasn't out" is an incomplete thought. It's a dependent clause.)
"easy to lose your way"
This is also incomplete, so joining this onto the previous sentence with a comma means that the previous sentence has to fill in the missing part... which becomes this:
"If the moon wasn't out you'll be easy to lose your way"
You need to use "It's easy to lose your way" to force the reader's mind to only borrow the "If the moon wasn't out" part or use "easily lose your way" so it becomes "If the moon wasn't out, you'll easily lose your way". (The first one I mentioned feels more natural in this case)
"even the number of unknown dangers that happens in the night."
This is also an incomplete thought. What about it? Is the number of unknown dangers lower at night?
...not to mention that "happens" should agree in number with "dangers" rather than "number". ("happens" is singular, but "dangers" is plural.)
"even the number of unknown dangers that happen in the night."
Here's how I'd write it if I didn't use "weren't" for reasons of characterization.
"If the moon wasn't out, you'd be unable to see, or easily lose your way... not to mention the number of unknown dangers that lurk in the night."
(I added the ellipsis and replaced "happen" with "lurk" as a trick to make it feel less like a run-on sentence.)
my duel. (A "duel" is formalized combat. "Dual" means "of two", from the same root as "Duo".)
I assume you meant "save a few lights" (except for a few lights) here.
The only way "said a few lights" could possibly make sense is if Twilight were looking at some kind of status indicator board at a power plant or power distribution centre... and even then, the sentence construction would still be awkward.
Tense-mixing error. This should be "Guards patrolled". You only use present tense in a story written in the past tense if it's inside dialogue.
Grammatically, either "One of said groups" (one of the aforementioned groups) or "One such group"... the latter is more appropriate for this case, since you only mentioned the groups as an abstract collective.
("One of said groups" would be fitting if you listed out some specific groups. "One such group" is appropriate when giving a more specific example of a general statement.)
This is an error called a comma splice, where you join two independent sentences with a comma. ("[This/it is an] indifference spell. [It is] very handy.")
The proper formatting uses a period.
"Indifference spell. Very handy."
While this is technically valid, I'd advise writing it as 'til to make it clear that it's a contraction of "until". (like "can't" is a contraction of "cannot")
"Right" and "okay" are both interjections separate from the sentence, so you want a comma after "okay" too.
"Right, okay, if this is going to work..."
Otherwise, the "okay" is technically an abbreviation of "[That's] okay if this is going to work..."
This is another comma splice. However, if you want something more connected than two completely independent sentences, a semicolon can be used in places where there's an implied conjunction (the mnemonic for them is FANBOYS. For, And, Not, But, Or, Yet, So).
In this case, "and" would fit with your intent but it'd make the sentence feel like a run-on, so a semicolon would be more appropriate.
"I took a deep breath and closed my eyes; my horn glowed as a purple mist began to fill the place."
Another comma splice between "ponies" and "I open"
Second, there's a tense-mixing error (it should be "I opened my eyes")
Third, ending two sentences in a row with "the/of ponies" feels repetitive. I'd replace the second "ponies" with "them".
Fourth, "I opened my eyes as there were a large number of ponies around" is still a non sequitur. (It reads as if "there were a large number of ponies around" should explain why she opened her eyes, but it doesn't in and of itself. Rewriting the sentence to use a phrase like "the now-crowded sky" would solve that.)
Finally, that sentence and the paragraphs following it feel a bit too much like a list of actions with no purpose to them. (Mentioning her intent in taking these steps would resolve that.)
Just generally more awkward than it could be. I'd suggest a correction but, to be honest, I've suggested so many in such a short span of text that I'm feeling really unmotivated.
"magic this unicorn" is invalid grammar. You need something like "magic from this unicorn" but, even then, it still feels awkward.
Also, "enter the store" is another tense-mixing error. (Should be "entered")
Also, this use of three simple, independent sentences feels uncomfortably choppy. Even just joining the first two sentences with "and" and replacing "enter the store" with "went inside" would make it feel better.
"Oh, it's not that great. Like any other bookworm, I collect books of all kinds."
("any kind" isn't wrong... it just feels repetitive when paired with "any other bookworm".)
"from a small kitchen."
LanguageTool is free and will catch mistakes like this. (And probably the tense mistakes too)
8568971
huh, thank you for doing this for me, when it comes to grammar and the tenses I’m downright garbage, I have a close friend that tells me that all the time
8568971
Also I’ll come back to work on fixing the chapter with this help later, I have work
Very little I can say other than excellent job on this latest chapter. I'm not going to get on your case about typos (because I make so many of them myself that I have no room to talk), but I will say that, once again, the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. I LOVED Twi's reunion with her birth parents as well as Twi and Sunset finding the real Cadance. :-D
Again, on to the next chapter.
I love a good family reunion! Twilight has officially coming home!
Doesn't she have two horns?
Some places of the city were lit up while others were dark, said a few lights
“I hope this won't take too long, I don't have all night.
Oh it's not that great, any other bookworm I collect books of any kind
It's fine misss
This case the mare to raise an eyebrow and laughed
I chuckled at this, reminded my own threat to Amber
towards the door out when I noticed some burnt marks on the ground
I scanned the spot and found out that the spell that was cast lead deep underground
1. Save.
2. Forgot your closing quotation mark.
3. Just like any other bookworm I collect books of any kind.
4. Miss.
5. Caused.
6. Reminded of my own threat to Amber.
7. Burn.
8. Led.
Pretty surprised the whole, kidnapping thing, never came up.
Yeah. You would think they would mention that at some point.
Nice chapter and the sh!tstorm draws ever closermemegenerator.net/img/instances/60508002/so-it-begins-the-great-battle-of-3rd-trimester.jpg