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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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O_O, that was cool.
You rang?
Wow...
To be honest, this story is rather out of place when compared to the other cannon ones. It's much more random and there seems to be little story going on at the moment. Much of the text is the lyrics from the songs. There's nothing wrong with this, it just feels really strange next to the other stories. It sort of takes away from the dark that the other stories are building. Again, there's nothing wrong with this. I personally was just really getting into the dark themes.
1502363 Well then, mister sheperd, I think I should let you knwo of tw things.
1: This story is, has been, and always will be musical in nature.
2: this re-write will be taking a darker path, more in line with the other Chessverse fics, it'll also be more coherent and less random, but there will be comedy and romance along the way.
Oi what
Ivan and Cata are somehow on Earth stealing (from the?) SCPs. My god this is a bit hard to follow.
Or maybe it's just Knightmare's brain damage. Lord knows Griffin, Missy and Ember already have plenty enough from just doing their thing.
1502494
heh...hehehehe.....HAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAyou have NO idea what sevvy's got planned, do ya?
1502496
Clueless enough to have need of getting hit with a clue-by-four. Or five.
... Yeah, as usual, my spite over you beating me to a changeling fic is clouding my judgement. I'm in no way speaking objectively, but I still really can't enjoy this story.
It may just be my sporadic, acute, only-sometimes-existent ADD talking, but this is fic was- and still is- really hard for me to read. I don't mean that as in the grammar is bad- I mean, it was in the original write up, in some places, but here it's fine aside from minor errors. I think it's mostly because this story is just... out there. The plot sounds crazy when it isn't given proper time to develop through exposition, which is exactly what happens thanks to the somewhat poor, rapid pacing. It reads like one of those generic amateurish fics, despite it's immense potential.
And when I say immense, I mean it- FNTK is inno way an amateur story, at least in theory. But between the somewhat contrived way the plot progresses and the poor pacing of events, I really just can't enjoy it.
Again, I'm probably just still bitter about you basically kickstarting the Chessverse while I was still planning out my somewhat similar story, so I'm probably acting and sounding a lot more critical than I need to be, but my points still stand.
1502534 Well you'll be pleased to hear that I'm working with 7-4 and Nathan Traveler to ensure that the pacing is steady and calm this time around. it's a re-write, being completely redone from start to finish.
Also, that thing I just psoed was the re-written future-prologue, just like the original, but overhauled entirely.
Also, you shouldn't have, y'know, SUGGESTED doing a 'musical changeling' too me when I said I was considering doing my own. because if you hadn't,, Knightmare wouldn't exist. and quite possibly, the 'Chessverse' would be noticeably different.....and probably nto even 'The Chessverse'.
All of my yes. Loved it, man. Well done.
1502555
Eh, what's done is done. I'm a notorious procrastinator, my fic wasn't musical for the most part (isn't, technically, since I still published it while trying to fit within Chessverse canon), and it was extremely underdeveloped.
That does not, however, change your status as my personal Dinkleberg. MALCOLM...
Bloody Hell mate i'm glad to finaly see the rewrite come along and can't wait for more
niiiice man.
At the risk of sounding foolish, what does FNTK stand for?
And here I was, thinking I was the only one to actually listen to the warrior song.
I'm glad the rewrite is underway now, gives me something to read while I do mine.
Good times had by plenty.
-Sturrn
GG
Ok let me get this straight.
1. You are rewriting FNTK.
2. You are going to update more often
3. I wasn't the only one to invovlt the SCP Foundation in my fic.
That is all. If you are confused tell me.
The source for the cover image is wrong, it still leads us to the old cover-art's source :(.
Knightmare worked for Clef!! He is so lucky to be alive!
Damn, I agree with DirtyBlue and Frozen, a bit too fast-paced and seemingly out of place.
I sort of enjoyed the original but more than anything I read it to gain a greater insight into the Chessverse.
It has potential if it slows down a bit and doesn't use too much "Because Magic" and "Because I'm Celestia's Favourite". However, that is purely my opinion which stems from being a scientifically minded individual and believes that 'Magic' is just a word used for science we do not understand and I'm aware that many people actually enjoy that sort of theme. (The 'Because Magic') Though to me, because it's just an excuse I feel that the more elements of those two themes the more Disillusioned I grow with any story.
Which I guess is why I like "M'you've got to be kidding me" so much, taking a less random, more solid path towards 'magic'.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter, hopefully it won't be as over-whelming as the first.
Heehee, liked the pirate song in the parade.
But you mentioned "former" queen chrysalis, is there a new ruler or the changelings?
1502862 FNTK: From Nobody To Knightmare
1503011 yeah, pretty much.
1503341 The guy who made the new one didn't wanna let anyone know he made it*coughstalithestallioncough* so I left the source, which would have had nothing, lead tot he original cover art created by VLK[I'll be contacting her over time for new art for the story]
1503587 Damn straight, broduski.
1503614 The prologue was meant to be fast-paced, much like the original. As for the actual chapters of the re-write, I will be taking a slower pace and, while I won''t be examining every dmaned detail of everything, Knightmare will take a calmer, more scientific approach to things as he regains his missing memories[roughly 95% of his memories are locked away either by natural degradation or tampering fromt he Foundation. That's the purpose of his 'Dream World']. In short, instead of merely SAYING he's a Foundation agent like the original[which came out fo the blue], he'll actually ACT like one.
1503624 'Former' queen because, if you hadn't guessed, everyone thought she'd died a Heroic Sacrifice during the final battle[the prologue takes place AFTER the EndGame], so everyone's kinda shocked she's still alive. As for who temporarilly took over? Well it doesn't really matterer right now, they were only queen for a few weeks.
Confused as hell
1502372 I had no problem with the comedy, it's just that the randomness and long list of lyrics make it a harder to read story. I get that you want to time the actions with moments in the song and it's a nice idea. It just makes it go on for a bit too long in my opinion.
1503672 I'd explain why the randomness but that'd be spoilers, and I wanted to keep in the lyrics. However,f rom ehre on in I'm only keeping the lyrics in for concerts.
1503648
Definately much better way to go than prior to that, previously it seemed like was thrown in because Aoi had a similar past and you wanted Knightmare to be party of the 'elite' group.
1503742 Knightmare's still not 'elite', he was a failure as an agent.
And as for adding it, I hadn't known anything ABOUT Aoi t the time I threw it in, it was becuase I was involving the Black Vault tht I threw that in, to show he'd had experience with stuff like that.
IT LIVES!!!!
Trixie the unkillable....Hory shite this will be awesome.
The black tide....nice reference to project:sunflower
1503648
Glad I got thimgs right then.
Sorry I got to ask. Donkey Kong, is that a joke or is he in one of the stories?
jesus i hope old man didnt get out D:
1504543 I shit you not there's actually a guy known as 'DK' who got turned into a gorilla....he wears a tie because it's funny.... I did't write him, look it up on the chessverse group page.
1504296 So, wait...
I made a double reference without even knowing it?
1505050 O HECK YEAH! must read now!
1505063 ...... Woah.
Always wondered what happened BEFORE the proceedings of Chapter One...
1505828 ... Yes, I did believe you were going to keep both Ivan and Cata on Equestria. I'm still trying to process Knightmare's garbled mess of what he likes to call his memory.
1506680 Considering this is, techncially speaking, three different peopel's interpretation of the garbled mess that is Knightmare's memory? Not shocking.
and yes, it's SUPPOSED to be a garbled mess. He's speaking into a recorder, not taking the time to write it all down.
he's LITERALLY narrating it all.
1506839
Actually, I think that perfectly explains and points out my issues with this fic, that I've been having trouble putting into words (that first comment took like 30 minutes to write [I have no life]). His memory being a garbled mess is cool as story element, but as a way of telling the story? Not so much, unless it's played for drama (like the various amnesia-related sadfics out there).
Though with you pointing this out, I now feel more confident in the future of the fic- since you're pointing this out, I'm guessing that the way the next chapter is written will be more coherent.
1507914 Yes,a ctually. I planned on working into the plot how Kngihtare calms the fuck down and starts speaking coherently. His narrative hints at his ongoing situation post-chessgame, amongst other things. Plus, I will be adding footnotes from Twilight's perspective pointing out when he's being less coherent or outright false.
1506839
Is the timeline still pretty much the same? Just wanted to clarify when Ivan the Zebra gets sent to Equis and when he gets dimension hopping abilities.
Two humanoids wearing cloaks walked down the alleys of Canterlot as a party raged on. The shorter one wore a fishing hat, the taller one wore a cap. The short one was looking at a phone. "Looks like the first one was retconned, hmm?".
"Yep," said the other.
"Let's get over with this, then." He unsheathed a massive ballpoint pen off of his back. The other let a broom slide out of his shirt sleeve. The short one pulled out two vials, one glowing an electric red and the other a white milky liquid with oily, rainbow trails swirling violently. He dumped both onto his pen, and gave some of the red to his companion's broom."Ubercharge," he whispered, raised the pen up and swung it into the ground. The world split in two. Screams echoed over the plaza as many were consumed by the ravenous darkness of raw imagination.
The other spun his broom in a wide circle, summon a massive tornado, wiping everything from existence.The short one looked up into the sky. He opened a file and downloaded the new server. "Annnnd, merging complete. This should be more stable," he muttered as he screwed the ball of light (labeled FNTK) into a larger ball labeled (with tape) CGotG
1508049 It is. I was intentionally vague with timing because giving a 'set date' in the original caused the immense rush tog et to the endgame within 3 years.
Which, I mgiht add, was NOT intended.
1508076
So, you are still roughly around the Gala, Grif has already been around for a while, and Ivan 1)has been around long enough to get dimension jumping powers or 2) He hasn't actually been around for long, but because of timey-wimey stuff,
He jumps to a point in your human life where- you know what, I revert to my previous statement of timey-wimey stuff.1508108 timey-wimey.
The bit after the future stuff was Ivan from AFTER the Smooze battle.
Which is over 2 YEARS after the GGG
Which itself is a year after Echo, griffin, Missy, and Ivan arrive.....
so think about that for a sec how fucked up this stable time loop is.
1508117
GASP
So Ivan's jumping caused you to be sent to Equis!? Which allowed him to jump in the first place!? (and probably allowed him to know who you were.)
1508142 sure, let's go with that.
And once again, I'm not mentioned. Oh, and you left a bold open up there.