My Little Rider: Friendship is Joker

by lilAngel

Interruption - ‘Mmm’ is for ‘Missive Mistakes’

Dear Princess Celestia,

I assume you have learned by now that we have defeated our first dopant. I believe this confirms that the six Elements of Harmony we have unlocked are real, although they are not the ones you previously used, and also that the six of us are qualified to use them. I’ve been worrying about this for some time, but now I can set my worries to rest.

I must apologise if you have sent me any messages in Canterlot, as I have not returned home in the three days since our battle. Initially I was exhausted, as using the Driver seems to drain twice as much power as physical exertion normally would. I fully intended to write to let you know of the situation first thing in the morning, but the fatigue I was feeling was unimaginable. Then when I did begin to write, I found that I had so many questions about the Driver, and the dopants. Where do they even come from? I think you mentioned that they were mined somewhere?

By the time I had composed a letter, it included three pages of questions and hypotheses about the powers I now share with my friends, and the monsters we have to fight. I wasn’t even close to the end of the questions, so I discarded this letter and resolved to ask you in person when we next meet. But over the course of that day, and of the next, I came to realise that if another of these monsters attacks Ponyville, both me and my friends will need to be here to defeat it. You could talk of bringing them all to Canterlot to aid in our studies, but I could never ask somepony to uproot themselves from their life for such a selfish reason. Not to mention that as one Gaia Memory has been found in this town, I would expect to see more in the same place.

So for the foreseeable future, I will be taking up residence in the Golden Oak Library. Nobody else lives here, and the shelves were in a truly shocking state of disrepair, so I believe it is for the best that I claim this library as my own.

I intend to submit to you a report each time we defeat a dopant, so that you can tell us if we aren’t using the Elements of Harmony to their full effectiveness. Therefore, I offer you my first Memory Report:

Gaia Memory: Magma (destroyed - I am very sorry, but we were in this case unable to remove the Memory without breaking it. I have some of the pieces, and can send them back for a new exhibit in your secret Museum if you wish. Or if it meets with your approval,I would quite like to set up a museum in the library basement, where I found nothing of value except some archaic instruments which seem to be designed for performing everyday tasks without the use of magic. I have now discarded these, as I see no benefit or education to be gained from them, with the exception of this letter-writing device, which seems to have a certain charm all of its own)

Harmony Techniques Used: LaughterLoyalty / RainbowPie (which name do you prefer for this combination form?) – Party Rainboom Cannon

Memory User: An earth pony stallion known as Sunlit Plain, who had a grudge over losing his job. He said it was without reason, but after a few drinks at the monster defeat party he confessed that he had frequently attempted to do his job while drunk. We then could not get him to stop drinking, and haven’t seen him since the party. No doubt he is still sleeping off his inebriation in a ditch somewhere, and will have to make considerable effort to explain to his marefriend when he wakes.

He said that he had been offended over losing his job, but had never considered revenge before. Then he was given a Gaia Memory – I regret that Rarity did not think to ask who he received it from – and was immediately overcome by rage. He says that it was the crystal, rather than him, which made such terrible decisions.

On recovering, he had a letter ‘M’ for Magma scarred into the skin of his left flank, rendering his cutie mark unrecognisable. I gather that after he first used it, even when he initially returned to his normal form between attacks, the letter ‘M’ remained. Therefore I would assume that this is an easy way to identify Memory users, and all of my friends have been instructed to keep an eye out for anypony whose cutie mark is a letter in this way.

In any case, I digress. The purpose of this letter is purely to inform you that I will not be returning to Canterlot in the near future, and to ask you to send a copy of the enormous tome from your museum (which I assume contains a more complete explanation of the Gaia Memory phenomenon) at your earliest convenience. I will ask any further questions I still have after reading it, and rest assured that–

Twilight Sparkle tore the sheet of paper out of the typewriter and screwed it up in frustration. After writing so many words, it sounded like the only purpose of the missive to her trusted mentor was to ask for help. That wouldn’t do at all. Well, if at first you don’t succeed… The seventeenth draft of this report would have to be a winner. She just couldn’t see a suitable way to ask for the book. What it was a national treasure or something, and even asking to see it was a big thing to ask?

But she knew she had to have that book. Not because now she was a librarian, she couldn’t stand the thought of there being an important text missing from her library. Well, not just because of that. Without knowing all the details of the Gaia Memories, they might fail to save somepony, and that was almost certainly the most important reason. She crumpled the offending missive into a ball and threw it in the direction of the waste paper basket in the corner.

“Hey Twilight, did you finish –” Spike had a bad habit of starting to speak to her just before he opened the door, so he managed to get a whole five words out before a wad of discarded paper bounced lightly off his crest. Twilight mentally cursed the baby dragon’s self defence reflexes as a flash of green fire momentarily lit the room.

“Tell me you didn’t…” Twilight breathed nervously. “Tell me you didn’t send that to the Princess?”

“I don’t think so. No, I can’t have done,” Spike answered, but didn’t sound at all certain about it, and backed away as he spoke, keeping both eyes on the ground, “I mean, it looked like rubbish, so it probably just burned. It didn’t have an address on, did it? So even if it did get sent somewhere, the pony who gets it will just toss it in the trash. They probably won’t even read it. That’s okay, isn’t it? Now if you’re not in the middle of your report, you should come and have lunch. Some of your friends are waiting upstairs.”

Twilight didn’t answer, but turned back to the strange device and lined up another sheet of paper.

Dear Princess Celestia,

If you received an earlier draft of this Memory Report, please disregard it. I believe Spike may have inadvertently sent an early draft which I believe does not convey the right tone. I hope that you…

“Why are my friends here,” she asked Spike, noticing for the first time the sound of screams that penetrated even the basement’s thick earth walls. He stammered and mumbled, but the next voice she heard from outside was enough to send Twilight running for the stairs.

“WRECKINGBALL!”

Author's Note:

This is a little bit of silliness; a between-episodes intermission. Assume that any chapter whose title doesn't start with "Episode" is possibly non-canon.

And yeah, I've decided I'm enjoying this enough to keep on writing.

Next episode preview: Imagine Celestia, commenting to some member of a committee that she wants to thank heroes who saved Ponyville (twice!) by making them a guest of honour at the Grand Galloping Gala. “But the two of them are a single Champion of Harmony, so they should only need one ticket. Right?”

Comments

[ponylover2]

keep this story going

[Commander Darklight]

also apple smack has been upgrade to cunt lvl after last episode