6779287 Thank you. Your words mean a lot, and you might by happy to hear that I will be fixing every chapter. I agree that my writing style is... questionable. I will be making the entire story into past tense.
6679561 IMHO, this story's biggest flaw is the lack of any real paragraph structure. As it is written now, each sentence is a paragraph unto itself, which is quite distracting. It can also be hard to keep track of who is speaking, since you often just have quotes without any indication of who the speaker is.
Still, I like this story, and will probably read the sequel.
I KNEW IT ! Sunny's Pregnant with foal ! I have greatly enjoyed reading this story . The symptoms Sunset had I too have had . I even craved Ice Cream with barbeque sauce . ( Not on top of the Ice cream thou . ) 2 Hooves UP for the writer/author . Best story EVER !
Despite the flaws, I enjoyed this story quite a bit.
6779287 Thank you. Your words mean a lot, and you might by happy to hear that I will be fixing every chapter. I agree that my writing style is... questionable. I will be making the entire story into past tense.
6779561 Happy to hear it.
This is a story I will return to and re-read.
6807476 Are you suggesting I write a sequel where Sunset becomes pregnant due to her 'session' with Chief?
6808090
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6679561
IMHO, this story's biggest flaw is the lack of any real paragraph structure. As it is written now, each sentence is a paragraph unto itself, which is quite distracting. It can also be hard to keep track of who is speaking, since you often just have quotes without any indication of who the speaker is.
Still, I like this story, and will probably read the sequel.
I KNEW IT ! Sunny's Pregnant with foal !
I have greatly enjoyed reading this story . The symptoms Sunset had I too have had . I even craved Ice Cream with barbeque sauce . ( Not on top of the Ice cream thou . )
2 Hooves UP for the writer/author . Best story EVER !