- Member Since 7th Sep, 2015
- offline last seen March 25th
Cardinal Dan Productions
I love to write, I love to read, and I love this community! If there's a story I want to read that doesn't exist yet, I'll write it myself.
Sequels1
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Cardinal Dan Productions · 22k words · 415 60 · 9.2k views
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this intrigues me.
Please don't tell me I'm the only one who read the description and thought this was going to be clop about a hornless, amputee Sunset Shimmer . . . and clicked anyway.
Oh no, not that cover again...
A few things to say:
Twilight is right, horses are dangerous. Statistically anyway.
Do you think the person who did the cover art know how many Sunset x Horse fics it has inspired?
The author taking their time with the story; I approve.
Keep it up.
The moment I saw that picture and the sex tag I was like... Whooooooo Boy, here we go.
Well one way to find out.
After reading chapter 1, I'm excited for this to continue.
So Sunset is going to fuck a horse?
6747299 Basically
It had to be done
6747118
People, are you serious? You didn't see this EqG short?
It's not an art someone did, it's just a screenshot from one of the three official bonus "EqG Rainbow Rocks" shorts, released by Hasbro in the beginning of this year.
The link to the video on Hasbro's channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3ixfTKGG8A
6747639 The one short I didn't see.
Still though, do you think the animators know how many its inspired?
If anything that's even funnier. Thanks for the correction, watching it right now.
i.imgur.com/tfZQS.jpg
6746998 Absolutely, and that would have made for a more interesting and original fic. Horny quadriplegic Sunset, please.
6747639 I actually had another picture for the cover art that depicted Sunset Shimmer having a romantic moment with a stallion. Even though I cropped the picture to hide the sex, the cover art was still deemed unfit for moderation, so I changed it. I left the note by accident.
Yes, first.
Short and sweet, Sunset still has to do all of the work.
How did Aj not hear that?
Why doth thou tease us so?
Ooh boy
Maybe i should go to sleep now...
This is getting too weird, even for me
Clocks about three am, here in finland. ...
Please don't post incomplete chapters. I can accept shorter chapters and I can accept unedited chapters, but I can't stand intentionally incomplete ones.
All she needs is riding naked and we're all set.
Sunset should tell them now or Pinkie Sense will do it for her.
ops was that suppose to happen?
hum I think sunset was a bit eager.
good chapter.
You mix present and past tense arbitrarily.
I do not like.
(I advise you keep all stories in the past tense; present tense is a hard way to write a story)
I totally call that.
ok that just got super hot. wow cold shower needed.
6753123 I second that*hops in a shower*
rainbow: um...what are you doing in here?
Crap! Sorry!*goes to hop out but gets grabbed *
rainbow: oh no! Your staying here!
Enjoying the story, but got a bit confused when I started reading Chapter 3 without realising you'd gone back and added a second half to Chapter 2.
FimFiction lets me know when a story I'm tracking has a new chapter added, it doesn't let me know when a chapter gets a massive re-write.
Could I please request that in future, you try to avoid posting incomplete chapters? Please either wait until a chapter is finished, or break it down into smaller chapters.
Thanks.
6753933 The incomplete chapter release was a one time deal. I was pressed for time due to work and the new Star Wars movie, so I tied what writing I had done on the second chapter as cleanly as I could and released it anyway. All chapters in the future will be released as complete works, at least 2000 words each.
how soon till we get to see the next chapter of this really well written and very well made story?
6757276 I just published it. Enjoy!
a good chapter I am hoping this little part gets cared over to the next chapter.
Idea for the epilogue, even though Sunset is in human form but still hes the estrus of a pony she finds out she is pregnant with Chief's foal
ok ware is that cold shower?
dang this is a good chapter.
That was... really short. Was expecting more.
Would be funny if there were a sequel with Twilight in estrus.
And as general comment on your style, don’t jump tenses and just stick with simple past when telling a story or if you insist on using simple present at least go with it for the whole story and don’t jump between simple past and present every paragraph or even every other sentence.
Anyway I feel more comfortable reading it in simple past, must be the story telling tense or something like that.
I wonder.....
This entire chapter felt rushed, and in my opinion, not up to par with the previous ones
6779287 Thank you. Your words mean a lot, and you might by happy to hear that I will be fixing every chapter. I agree that my writing style is... questionable. I will be making the entire story into past tense.
6779561
Happy to hear it.
just a thought or two.
In her home world Sunset is a pony [ Equus ]
If the magic transformation she has undergone is only cosmetic as it seems to be. [ she is in heat not just having her period ]
She has just had unprotected sex with a horse { Equus ]
There is now a very good chance that she is pregnant.
Congratulations Sunset, whose the dad ?
6807476 Are you suggesting I write a sequel where Sunset becomes pregnant due to her 'session' with Chief?
derpicdn.net/img/2012/12/3/171598/full.png
6808090
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw993_large.jpg
Is it wrong that I actually like this?
6818975
Here, no no it isn't. Wouldn't say much outside fandom though.
This has all the makings of a really good, sexy story, but it's far too "to the point." Things happen, which causes the next thing, that thing is stated, and then the whole scene is done. Telling us that Chief climaxed and then moving on... just isn't that interesting. We want to know how it the things being done to Sunset feel, we want to experience exactly what Chief is doing to her through her, we want to see, hear, and feel (and maybe taste) everything leading up to the climax, the climax itself, and all of the aftermath.
Don't just tell us the climax happened. Describe all of the details, even minor ones, if they relate to how Chief is pleasuring Sunset.
If you want an example to see what I mean, I highly suggest reading "Quit Horsing Around, Lyra" by darf.