Chapter 1:The Fall
Today was a big day; I was going to participate in the final obstacle that would determine if I moved on to the next level of the academy. You know what the best part was? I was ready! I had prepared myself for anything! I felt like I could past this obstacle with ease. I mean, it was just the second level at the academy, so nothing really should stop me, but it did. The one thing that stood in my way was this…
It was another sunny day at the academy, but it was still special. All the cadets had to pass some kind of obstacle in order to move onto the next level of the academy. This was a very important day for the cadets. Too bad it turned out to be something else.
"I'm telling you, Fleet! There is no way this was intentional!" said Soarin. He was walking inside a hall of the academy, making his way to the training field where the cadets were supposed to be taking their test.
"For the last time, Soarin! It was!" Fleetfoot, who was walking and making her way to the field herself, said to him. They were having a little argument about the test.
"There is no way that Spitfire would give a level 3 test to the cadets that are in level 2 on purpose!" He shot at her.
"I can't believe it either, but it's true.." she said to him. Soarin rolled his eyes, still not believing her.
"What's all this commotion about?!" yelled a voice behind them. They both turned around and saw Spitfire standing behind them, wearing an unamused look on her face.
"Finally! Will you please tell Fleetfoot that you did not arrange a level 3 test for the level 2 cadets on purpose!" Soarin said.
"She did..." Fleetfoot rolled her eyes while murmuring to herself. Spitfire closed her eyes.
"As a matter of fact, I did," she said as she calmly passed by him.
"Ha! I told yo-wait WHAT?!" Soarin exclaimed in disbelief, "Are you crazy?" He started getting in her face as she remained calm.
"No, I'm not" she clarified. Soarin got out of her face but the look of disbelief didn't leave his.
"Then why-" he began but was cut by Spitfire.
"Because these are the best cadets I have seen so far, and I am confident that they can past the level 3 test," she said.
"But they aren't! Level 3 tests require teamwork, which means all of the cadets working together, and level 2 doesn't have that. They only work in pairs during that level; there is no way that they can pass this!" he said, slightly angry.
"We'll see then," she said walking outside to the training field. "Oh...and if I'm wrong, feel free to look over my Wonderbolt status," she said before walking out for good this time. Soarin looked straight at Spitfire as she left while Fleetfoot stood by his side.
"Yeah, we’re doomed."
Broken
By Soarindash959
Ch1:The Fall
"OKAY, LISTEN UP!" called out Spitfire, now wearing her academy uniform. The cadets were all lined up one behind the other wearing their own uniforms. "You see that piece of land over there?" Spitfire asked the cadets while pointing to a small piece of land near the Academy. "There you will find a loose tornado, on my mark, you will fly over there and try to gain control of it. If you get blown out you fail, if you stay until the end you pass. Any questions? No? GOOD," she said, not giving them a chance to ask before blowing her whistle to signal the first cadet to take off, and she continued to do so for every cadet. "Come on, come on! You should have this done in 7 minutes!" she said to them.
"Expect falling cadets in 3," Soarin said wile pouting in annoyance.
"Soarin!" Fleetfoot yelled to him.
"What? You didn't expect me to be positive about this, did you?!" He replied in a rather unpleasant manner.
"You on a regular basis with a non-crazy Spitfire, yes. You on a regular basis with a crazy Spitfire, no." She answered.
He simply flattened his brow and sighed deeply.
"I just hope they won't get hurt too badly."
Meanwhile the number of cadets in line was getting shorter and shorter, as the cadets were almost all taken off and flying towards the tornado. Down at the very end of the line stood the last 4 cadets.
"Good luck, Rainbow Dash." A cadet wished the rainbow mane-colored pegasus.
"Thanks, not that I need it. But I appreciate the thought."she said just before Spitfire blew her whistle, signaling her to take off.
And so she did. She took off with a confident smile as she reached great speeds, leaving a rainbow trail behind as she flew towards the tornado. It didn't take long for her to find the tornado and when she did, she jumped right in it. She began taking control of the tornado but found it more challenging than expected. However, that wasn't enough to bring her down, but it sure was for the others. Ponies were falling out of the tornado like fleas. Screams erupting from the falling ponies could be heard from miles away.
"Whoa! That's like the fiftieth cadet that fell out!" Rainbow said to herself. all of a sudden, she felt something hit her hard. It was another cadet; the cadet had crashed into her and soon enough, she was sent flying out of the tornado in record speed.
The strength of the push was strong, and with the tornado's harsh wind, she was going down good. The blow was strong enough that it forced the goggles away from Dash's eyes, and unfortunately for her, she was heading towards a tree. "Gah!" A grunt of pain was heard as Rainbow Dash landed right onto a tree. The sharp branches from the tree were sharp enough to rip her uniform and give the poor pegasus enough bruises to last for a life time.
Her uniform hung on a branch as Rainbow Dash slid off the tree and started to fall to the ground fast, but this time she was unconscious as well. There was at least 200 feet from the tree to the ground, giving Rainbow Dash a small chance of survival.
"Gotcha! "A voice yelled. Finally, Rainbow Dash's luck changed as somepony had come to her rescue, saving her from plummeting to her doom. That pony was no other then Soarin himself. He knew from the very start that this was a bad idea, that there will be a lot injuries, but.. he never thought that it would be this bad...
Edited by https://www.fimfiction.net/user/NoblePonyLegacy
Proof read by https://www.fimfiction.net/user/DaeCat
Art by http://sapphireskies24.deviantart.com/
Wow! Chapter 1!!!finely done!!(That rimed
)Well this is my first story and It's finely out!!! Yay me! I don't now when chapter 2 will be out but I'm already working on it so it will be soon!
-Soarindash959
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I like it can't wait for the next chapter, I love Soarindash
6746756 thanks so much! This is my first story so I hope you will like it to the end!
6746895 You're welcome, and this is really good for a first story and I'm sure I will enjoy the rest of it, Soarindash is my favorite ship ever lol
6746905 I love it too
OMG this is so awesome!
6746947 Thank you!
This is pretty good!I am sooooo tracking this!!
6747054 thank you!
Oooh intresting
Looks interesting
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/5/27/335036__safe_solo_animated_image+macro_discord_reaction+image_the+return+of+harmony_popcorn_dis+gon+b+gud.gif
6747523 Oh it will be starting from shapter2
6747549 Yeah a LOT will happen
WAIT A SEC,THAT'S YOUR FIRST STORY?
WOW,YOU'VE GOT TALENT
You earned a like,fav and follow!!
It's amazing,can't wait for the next chapter
6747582 can't wait
6747771 Thank you so much!
Continue please!!!!
6747919 Don't worry I will!
TOO MUCH TALENT
GAHH
SO GUD
6748017 heh thank you!
This is your first story? Wow, that's really good!
6748208 huh thank you!
6747584 DUN DUN DUN
6748842
Not bad for your first attempt!
You've done a good job at setting up the plot and giving us the main conflict. You linked the first chapter right to the story description, which is generally the best thing you can do in a shorter story. Knowing that Soarin is going to be watching over Dashie is another reason for any of the ships fans to come right in and want more
I always judge a story by the story being told first and foremost, so you've done a pretty good job here, that being said, there are a few structural things i'd like to point out for your benefit
The most important being: When you have a line of dialogue, if it's a new character speaking it should be the first line in a new paragraph. so...
you have:
but following basic dialogue structuring it should look something like this:
The action scene was a little shakey in some places, but I could still easily follow it (though im confused, a 200 foot tall tree? thats huge!
)
Overall, if this is your first attempt, you sure did a heck of a lot better than my first attempt at writing ever!
Good job and keep on going! You're only going to get better!
6750491 Thank you so much! I'll do my best!
Nice, love this kind of story. SoarinDash for the win! This will be interesting how Dash will react to failing and losing her chance to be a Wonderbolt. Oh, Soarin treat her well.
6750602 Huh thanks!PS:be prepared for feels
6750610
Nooooo... *Sighs* Ok, I'm ready.
6750634
That line reminds me of another story i really like...
Anywho, its getting good already!
OH MY GOD. THIS IS THE BEST STORY EVER