Broken
By Soarindash959
Ch 3:A Sky Guest
The cloud carriage left the two pegasi in front of Soarin's house and went around to park after.
She was staring at Paradise! The entire building was made out of cloud. It had a giant gate and an even bigger garden. There were about four
fountains on the front, all sorts of amazing plants, statues and even a gazebo. But none of that was as much eye catching as the actual house or the amount of guard. There were two on the front of the gate, two before all the entrances of the building and a whole bunch of them around the gate. But Dash didn't even seem to notice any of it; all she was looking at was the house. If you can call it a house! It was as big as a castle!
"What am I looking at?" She asked, refusing to look away from the sight before her.
"My home" he said simply.
"You didn't say you lived in a castle in heaven!" Soarin rolled his eyes at her comment.
"It’s not a castle...it’s a mansion ".When he approached, the guards opened the gates. He took another step forward before stopping. He looked back at Rainbow and pointed towards the mansion with his head.
Dash's eyes widened. "Oh, no, no, no, no, no! I am not going in there! “Soarin sighed deeply before turning towards the guards and gave them a signal and went inside. Dash raised an eyebrow, but before she knew it, she was dragged in by the guards. They dropped her a few feet in before closing the gate and getting back in their positions.
"Well, are you gonna come in or what?" He asked. Dash blinked.
"Are you kidding that thing is so not may class!"
"Please, you've been in Canterlot Castel, The Crystal Castel in the Crystal Empire, and you even have your own one throne in the Friendship Castel!" He stopped walking as he suddenly remembered that she had amnesia. He turned his head back to only find Dash with her bottom lip to the ground. "Oh yeah, you don't remember any of that do you?" Dash tried to motion a 'no' but couldn't bring herself to it because of her shock. "Well, this would be a bad time to mention thet you're the element of loyalty." he said while dragging her across the garden.
"The what?!”
They slowly entered, and as soon as Dash saw the inside, her mouth dropped once more. The inside was all blue. It was so clean that she could see her reflection in almost everything!
"Welcome!”They were immediately welcomed by a maid .She had magenta eyes, a blue coat, and a darker mane.But what really was astonishing to Dash was the fact that she had a horn instead of wings. The maid wore a sweet smile "Why, master! You didn't say we were going to have a guest!" she said, not losing her present smile.
"It was kind of last minute, but anyway, Dash this is Meteor Shower, Meteor Shower, this is Rainbow Dash" the blue unicorn lifted her hoof.
"Pleased to meet you!" Dash shook her hoof.
"You too."
“Oh, you simply must stay for dinner; we’re having "the special"" Dash raised an eyebrow and looked at Soarin as he licked his lips
"’The special’?”she asked him,as Soarin simply chuckled.
"Trust me you'll love it, and actually Shower, she will be staying a little longer than usual guests." he said with a slight smirk on his face
"Huh? You mean over night?"
He shook his head. "I mean for one month". The blue unicorn looked at him for a few seconds before bursting out in laughter
"Good one, master! Hahaha. Ha...ha? Why aren't you laughing?" Dash gave her an awkward smile as Soarin's smirk grew wider. "You're not joking?"
"But wh-!!" she gasped as she suddenly noticed that her left wing was bandaged, alongside her back hooves. "Oh my! What happened?" She asked in shock. Soarin gave a slight chuckle.
"It's a long story".
"Oh, my goodness! That sounds horrible!" Shower said. Once all three ponies settled down into the living room Soarin started to tell Shower what happened. Once Soarin had just finished telling her what happened with Dash, Shower sat in silence for a minute before speaking.
"Yeah it's a very unpleasant thing to go through" Soarin said. The door opened, as another maid came in. She was yellow pegasus, with a pink mane and blue eyes. She looked obviously older then Meteor Shower. She was caring a tray of two cups of hot chocolate on her back.
“There you go, master." Soarin gave her a worm smile as she placed a cup in front of him.
"Thank you. Rainbow, this is Ms. Cloud Puff, Cloud Puff, this is Rainbow Dash. She is our guest for the month." Rainbow smiled at her.
"Ah yes, it's an honor to meet you! I have your room ready by the way, if you would like to rest up. "She offered.
“I'd like that.”
Ms. Cloud Puff showed Rainbow to her room with Soarin following as well. Dash entered her room and was immediately welcomed with a beautiful sight. The room was enormous. It had a huge cloud bed that looked ever so comfortable, a balcony with a beautiful view. She also recognized some pictures from famous artist. It was simply beautiful." It’s perfect, thank you" Dash said to them.
Ms. Cloud Puff nodded and left.
"We'll,I'll let you rest now I'll wake you up for dinner, and If you need anything, my rooms second door on the left "Soarin said leaning on the door
"I'll keep that in mind "
Soarin smiled and slowly closed the door.
Yesss update
6803667
There are so many spelling errors I can't even get through this... Though I did laugh at how many "gourdes" Soarin has around his "munched".
I'm not usually this harsh but if I can't even understand using context clues, you need to proofread. Badly.
It's really a nice story. I just think you should pay attention to the grammar errors. I noticed a lot of them. And I also noticed you seem to have confused some words and written similar words in their place. But the story is good. Great work
Pleased to meat ya..
I almost fell..
Awesome chapter
6804509 I had to upload this as soon as possible, I have it edited know
6804733 thank you I am so sorry about that, I had no time to have this edited until know, It didn't help that I wrote it on my phone
6805307 thank you
6804509
6804733
6805307
Hope It's better now
6804509 Agrred. If your editor missed this,
And the imaginary word in the first sentence,
Then you clearly need a better editor.
6805759 I think it's better now
6805759 did you find any more?
6805702 Significantly, but there are still quite a few errors left. I had a feeling it was written either by Siri or by Autocorrect when I read it the first time, now I feel like it hasn't been looked over thouroughly by an editor. I'm...slightly worried at the fact that the spelling errors aren't consistent ('castle' being spelled multiple ways, for instance). I like the story, but you should definitely consider checking around for someone to edit. A lot of people do it on the site for free, and having an editor can help writers focus on the creativity as opposed to the brass tacks, if you will.
6805792 I did have an editor for this,not the first time,but for how it is now yes
6805792 and the first time,like I said it was with Autocorrect
beautiful simply beautiful i love it great job !!!!!
6807644 thank you so much!