Applebottom Jeans

by Jake Witt

S1 Episode 5: Everybody Hates Gilda

I don't remember this episode so we're going to blame Fullmetal Alchemist and bleach. White, white bleach.

... I got better.

So this episode starts off like this:

The door opened as Pinkie "Bucket" Pie fell over Rainbow Dash, soaking her with the water she held. Rainbow took off the bucket to glare at her pink llama friend, laughing on her back.

"Pinkie!" the human's finger dramatically pointed at her changing pink friend, "You have dishonored my happy mood! We will work together to prank others instead of ourselves in a prank war fashion!"

Pinkie couldn't respond; being a rock and all.

"Clever girl..."

"Wanna prank, still?" the pink puppy asked; her tail wagging.

Rainbow pet Pinkie's head, which is an odd action for one human to do to another, "Yes."

After a joy buzzer and another bucket drop, they prepared a trip wire when a brown griffon stuck her head out of her cloud, "Yo, Dash!"

Before the two friends could look up and without permission, our Gilda was drop kicked into the ground and replaced with Radical Gilda from Tumblr. "Hey, what's up Dash?" the human in a brown fur coat and yellow tape-wrapped arms asked from the back of a griffon on the back of a liger, all three being covered in bald eagles and dying phoenixes.

"Hey! What are you doing?!" Pinkie asked me.

Simply put: we have no ponies so why bother with pony friends?

"But her blog came after this episode!"

I'm waiting for Season 6 while writing a bad fan fic on season 1 so far. Sue me.

Pinkie glared, "Fine! I'll just become a Tumblr Pinkie Pie to compete!"

"Pinkie?" Rainbow asked when she saw her friend was not responding to her and Gilda's camp- flight school- whatever pledge.

You think you can hold me back?

Pinkie smiled a mischevious smile that evolved into a more anime look. Her blue eyes became even more, energy-filled as the area's temperature rose.

Meanwhile, Rainbow left to do something and Gilda watched as Fluttershrub passed her view.

"Stick to the script, Gilda." Pinkie... said. The pink human created tiny cracks under her feet as her fists glowed with power- Oh no. Please, no.

Tumblr's Hotblooded Pinkie Pie took over our Pinkie's body as Gilda rolled her eyes. "Says the pony with a blog covered in anime and ego."

"What about you? Ran out of ideas sooner and decided to strip?" she got into a horse stance as her power level increased, covering her in a pink aura. "Looks like you need a new spirit animal."

Gilda hopped off her griffon and let an explosion engulf her beasts back to her blog. Without getting in a stance, she smiled with her yellow lips before shouting, "Bring it!"

Hotblooded Pinkie was on her faster than eye contact as missed punches created sparks around Radical Gilda's air and every sep made tiny craters. Gilda grabbed Pinkie, tossing her to the ground before hopping to her feet and kicking Pie's face. No damage was on the Pinkie person as she slid under the rad one, letting her flaming fist cutie mark appear for a brief uppercut cameo before it vanished.

Luckily, Gilda dodged as she caught another Pinkie fist. "Looks like we're at an impasse."

"That's because the author has a low fighting vocabulary..." I hold the pause as my tamed Kaiju dropped my Gipsy Danger behind me. Surprise just happened to be in her pilot stand. "...I will not be playing this fair!"

The kaiju stood aside, crying as the giant headphones attached to it's head changed to more 90's music.

Pinkie teleported into her stand, the giant robot got in a battle stance.

"So we're humans now or-?"

"Surprise, we're inside crappy fan fiction about ponies yet has anything but ponies roaming around."

"Sweet Celestia!" Surprise exclaimed. "Do you think the author is compensation for something?"

"I don't know!"

As their minds synced up in the neural bridge; Gilda focused her being into the spirit realm, calling upon the many Native American spirits that could never find rest. When her eyes opened and she witnessed a giant, metal party cannon with rocket launchers and flamethrowers aimed down at her.

Gilda dodged the blast with a wolf spirit before an eagle spirit enhanced her leap to the mech's knee. Pinkie and Surprise tried to get her off, but Gilda was swift. When gravity challenged her; she took out twin knives and kept climbing while a bear spirit allowed her to break into Gipsy Danger's head. Pinkie detached herself as she fired ki blasts.

One swing to the right; the other doges to the left. One kicks really hight; Pinkie ducks. Gilda bend flips away; Pinkie jumps up in the air. Pinkie takes out a sword; Gilda parries with a knife. Pinkie tries again; Gilda cutts a chunck of hair.

Pinkie dropped her weapon and suplexes Gilda. The radical girl turns the tables, flipping them and pinning Hotblooded Pinkie by the neck at Sugarcube Corner.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

They both stopped, looking at Rainbow Dash.

Pinkie replied by being a rock.

...

...

...

And then she tossed herself at Gilda's face before pulling herself back to the choking human victum position. Gilda took a step back, trying to process what just happened when Pinkie cried, "She yelled at Fluttershy-"

"Fluttershrub." the tree pony corrected.

"Whatever! And she started beating me and being a meanie!"

"It's true. My feelings are hurt." Fluttershrub said, detached and hiding a sack of bits.

Rainbow began to cry as anger and betrayal displayed on her features, "Gilda... WHY?!"

Radical Gilda dropped Pinkie and took out a communicator, "This isn't going to work. Beam me up, Pirate Dash!"

In the sky, a giant pirate ship "the Rainboom" dropped an anchor and just as fast pulled Gilda up into in before a rip in space-time sent them back to Tumblr.

A now-not-possessed-by-another-Pinkie Pinkie Pie shrugged with her penguin flippers and everything was suddenly back to normal. "Let's not question what happens and be mad at Gilda for yelling at the Shrub."

Rainbow nodded, "Agreed."

Author's Note:

Promise me that y'all will be responsible with these links. I'm going to make changes to compensate for these links.

This story is still as clean as I can make it. These blogs do not affect this story what-so-ever; I was just using characters they made and put links to credit the Tumblr blogs.

Radical Gilda (18+)
Hotblooded Pinkie Pie (18+ for language)
Surprise (It's clean, funny, and shows up here for being Hotblooded Pinkie's canon best friend.)
Pirate Dash and her ship "the Rainboom" (Note: I have no idea if the ship has ever been airborne before.)