• Published 16th Dec 2015
  • 513 Views, 2 Comments

Applebottom Jeans - Jake Witt



You don't like ponies? Let me fix that. Welcome to Not-Equestria where magic ponies are few- I'm not going to be a spoil sport. Check it out for your tiny sister, at least!

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S1 Episode 1/2: Friendship or something.

Author's Note:

This is a story for nonBronies who don't understand why we like multicolored tiny horses that could easily crush our skulls in or they're extra appendage or mythical creature friends, foes, and random problem.

This will start off like any other... without the main characters and following Season 1 Episode 1. But this isn't copy, add, paste no no NO! I will write from memory because humans have better memory than ponies. Now let's start without our mane character!

Hello, viewer! Yes, you! Let me drop some back story in this fan story and I assume you like stories in stories!

Once Upon A Time...
There were two princess sisters who moved the sun and the moon. We have no idea what the sun sister looks like nor do we know her actual name yet everybody loves her because you always see that coffee table that stubs your toe. The moon sister was a big unicorn with wings, who hated her side job of going to little girl's birthday parties... even though they were more like silent gatherings with a pony being the only entertainment.

Moon sister had enough of that crap and turned into a blue human "vice principal" with impossibly long legs. Everyone thought it was racist that she wasn't any normal human skin color so then she turned... a darker shade of blue and tried to bring eternal night.

There was a fight and unlocking of final forms before the sun sister used the "Elements of Reasoning" to banish her to the moon, leaving a face on the moon to judge you at night. There's some prophecy that she would return to bring night eternal in 1000 years from her banishment date. In the meantime...


"...that is why butts are called moons."

Under a tree, in a big fancy city, a big purple lavender book with a pink six point star taped over a title was reading a book. It was apparently her favorite spot, but we don't judge a book for reading near a river even if she has colorful, laminated pages.

Her eyes were printed on her spine, her mouth underneath as she looked to be thinking. Her lock was out of place, swinging on a strip of leather attached to her book back or "right side" as she calls it. Her pages along with pink and purple sticky notes swayed inside her binding. "Oh god, it burns! That's this weekend!" She stopped leaning, locking herself shut. "I have to warn the princess!"

With the small book placed in her book bag, she hopped towards her library.

Passing a bridge, she was stopped by two romance novels and a blue textbook. The yellow book stopped her, "Heeey Twi-t Spar! You coming to Moon Dancer's partay today?"

The lavender book, Twilight Sparkle, stopped in her tracks. The diary/journal placed her lock on the yellow book's shoulder, "Sorry. The end is near and I must contact my teacher! Also, tell her I know what she did to the dictionary."

She hopped as fast as friction could let her as she left the three books to stare at each other awkwardly.


We all know Spike. Spike is still a tiny baby dragon-

Our thoughts were caught as Twilight swung the door open, breaking it around Spike who kept his ground. "Spike? Spiii- Wrong lines."

Spike tossed the chunk of the door away from him with enough force to launch it through the open window and hit Moon Dancer. Spike sadly looked down at the destroyed present/apology letter in his grasp before dropping it to the ground. "What is it, Lord Peasant?"

"I need you to send the princess a letter. It's important."

Spike wasn't going to waste his time with a scroll, willing paper and ink over to him. He glared at the quill, making it look like he was writing again.

"Dear Princess "Oh god, it burns", I have reason to believe that feces will hit the osculating device this weekend. The return of some tall blue human with moon powers is predicted to be nigh. Your faithful student under "T", Twilight Sparkle."

In a blast of green fire, the scroll turned to smoke and flew to the castle. A response was made instantly on Spike's loathed type of scroll.

Twilight turned to him, "What does the weedogram say?"

Spike read the weed scroll, "Don't do drugs- ironic -and go to that town near the Everfree forest. Please, get some friends, it'll be fun."

"But I already have friends!"

"According to the response section, "You could do better."" Spike replied, a hint of care surfacing at the prospect of leaving Canteenlot. "Well, I'm packing our crap."


The royal taxi finally met the ground in Personville; it was dubbed "the crazy taxi" for many reasons, one of which Twilight and Spike learned. The guard driving the vehicle was a white monkey in gold armor, who demanded payment at first before remembering his orders and leaving our two characters behind to drop their stuff off somewhere.

The book that stood twice as tall as Spike looked around. "Well, I hope the citizens here like books."

Spike, overcoming the rare feeling of fear, looks around at the nearly empty town, "Or in your case, nerdy, magic, science fanfics."

"Did somebody say fanfics?!" The two looked over a pink velociraptor with cotton handy hair and blue eyes. Before anything could be said, she let out a long gasp that showed her bloody teeth before running off.

Spike glared at the spot she was at, "Clever girl..."


There was something about a pair of apple bottom jeans wearing a jean jacket over a non-existent body having an "Apple family reunion" whatever that means. Did you know books can get fat?

Luckily, our hero lost some pages in an encounter with an awesome character! The only human so far with the ability to fly without real wings, dresses out of style, has peachy skin, and an athletic build... what destroys it is the rainbow hair. I'd go for the underdog shtick, but now this is dumb.

She clears the clouds as fast as a memorable catchphrase, making pages and sticky fly everywhere in her glory as she dried our book... that fell in some mud.

Take.

Care.

Of.

Your.

Books.

Kids.

Not involving vampires Twilight hopped over to Town Hall, not even attempting to fix her crappy organization of stray notes and pages. She's even leaving a trail! Luckily Spike is there to incinerate everyone. It is unknown if the pages mean anything like memory, but Spike is taking care of business.

In the decorated Town Hall, Spike found a living version of one of his few loves. "Oh god, it burns. It's a marshmallow with purple curled hair." Twilight is lavender so he stopped fully caring.

The Marshmallow turned on her tiny marshmallow hooves, her mane flowing behind her as she showed her beautiful... angry... face.

She had blue eyes with matching eye shadow. The color of Spike's emergency gem stash. Twilight refuse to give him his daily emerald; the stash saved his life. He loved that stash of disgusting gems.

"Excuse me?! I am not a marshmallow. I'm a silk pillow lady." He really loves his rest. He has to live through every oh god it burns day awake and working. "My name is Rarity- And you look like a mess! Let me help you!"

Our image character took our not title character, the book girl, over to a secluded part of the room. Girl stuff like makeovers.

We then meet a yellow tree with pink leaves, who is teaching birds how to sing in a bird choir. You're not high; the world is still saying "hello" to you.

The tree turned out to be a pony-shaped plant that can move on will.

Twilight and Spike neared the pony-tree, "Hi, my name is Twilight Sparkle! How's the progress with the fire proof bird choir?"

"I'm Fluttershrub... I don't like you."

"Can you speak up, please?"

"I'm Fluttershrub; I hate books." The tone was a mix of sweet and venomous.

Twilight nervously looked anywhere but the tree, "I like trees."

"All of you infidels will burn and be our fertilizer."

Spike smirked, an easy feat that held purpose to those that saw him.

"Is that I dragon?" Fluttershrub asked, her sweeter tone returning. She pushed Twilight away, leaving her in a tiny crater Fluttershrub's standing made. "A baby dragon?!"

Spike's smile fell and Twilight felt cold, "I can burn you."

"I'm a tree with a mouth; I don't need to eat your remains."

Ms. Sparklepedia dragged Spike behind her as Fluttershrub followed, continuing their calm banter until they reached the library.

"...and I was partially raised and repeatedly resurrected by our sun god."

Fluttershrub didn't repond, instead she walked up to the Golden Oaks Library. The library was a tree that was made into a library without dying due to magic. "Hello Grandfather," she said, her rooty hoof rubbing the door's frame.

Twilight felt nervous and creeped in one sitting, opting to use Spike as an excuse to leave the tree... which resulted in Spike carrying her after a failed attempt at kicking him through the door. The room was darker than their current mood.

Silence.

Spike looked around, "Either you people surprise us or I start making sacrifices to the Smooze."

The lights shot on, shocking Twilight and receiving an eye roll from Spike. Creatures filled the library, which was decorated for a party.

Suddenly a pink pony screamed, "Surprise! Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie! I'm so sorry about earlier."

Twilight rose an eyebrow, "Earlier?"

The tall pink lamp giggled, "I stare, you stare, he glared, and I was like "gasp!" and ran off."

Spike stared at the pink elephant, "Lady, can you stop changing shape?"

Pinkie twirled her pole body, since she had no neck, "No-can-do! I'm a what and a what is a what and can not be a noun."

Twilight thought about it, "But you must count as a person!"

Pinkie responded by being a rock; anything in an attempt at a conversation gone in an instant. Twilight rolled her eyes, finding a bowl of red ink next to the punch bowl and downed a cup of the stuff.

Fluttershrub walked passed stating, "This a Pinkie party; there's hot sauce in every drink. Burn."


Spike is tired of this meaningless stalling; we find ourselves in a huge crowd in Town Hall. Everyone who had a mouth gasped (and silently cheered) that their face-burning goddess was replaced with some crazynavy blue human chick in armor promising night eternal... and less segregation for pastel colored people.

Which is still only one person. Less segregation for herself. Yay?

With everybody's worried looks and Spike willing himself into part 2... this really is "To Be Continued", isn't it?