Chapter 25: Everfree Rumble
I yawn as I wake up with a stiff neck, looks like I fell asleep on my couch again... I get up and stretch my limbs earning me a few pops and cracks from my joints. Sighing, I head into my kitchen and scrounge around in my cupboards and fridge. Once I have what I want I then start cooking up some eggs and toast.
After flipping the eggs over for the third time, a knock on the door draws my attention from the stove which I put onto a low setting. I then walk to the door and open it to reveal Twilight and Spike. "Hello, Ichigo. Would you be interested in a picnic with me, Spike, and the girls later?" Twilight asks me with a smile.
"Oh, I was going to go hunting for hollow's and then go on a date with Orihime at six," I reply with a sheepish smile.
"Oh, I see... Then why don't you bring her with you? We're having the picnic at seven, so you could both join us?" she suggests and I frown.
"Where about is it going to be?" I ask her and adjust my ShihakushÅ a bit.
"In the park near the pond, we're actually going to be discussing about our zanpakutos and what the others have learnt so far," she replies with a grin.
I just give her a deadpan stare. "So basically you want me there so you can all ask me questions?" I ask emotionlessly.
Twilight was about to retort but Spike beats her to it. "Yup," he simply replies where Twilight gives him a mild glare.
I sigh and rub my face with my left hand. "I'll ask Orihime when I see her, but if we don't show up then it means no," I tell her and roll my shoulders. "Now if you don't mind I got some hunting to do," I tell her and place Zangetsu onto my back.
"Okay, I hope you and Orihime do come, hardly any of us get to talk to you," she tells me and turns around.
"See ya, Ichigo!" Spike says and runs off after Twilight.
I head back in and finish cooking my breakfast and then eat it in silence, I like these quiet mornings. Once I've washed the dish and pan I step outside before locking the front door and use my shunpo to take off to patrol the town's perimeter. For about ten minutes nothing seems out of the ordinary, until I spot three familiar fillies heading towards the Everfree Forest. From what I've seen and heard during my time here these three fillies are just magnets for trouble.
I follow behind them and after looking for their tracks I find them and silently get above them where I walk on the air not making a single sound a few metres right over their heads.
"Are ya sure we should be in here?" the small yellow coated, red mane and tail country filly named Applebloom asks her two friends while keeping her eyes on her surroundings.
"Well most of the demons come out from here, so where better to find demons for our demon hunter cutie-marks?" the brash orange pegasus filly with a purple mane and tail named Scootaloo replies.
"I think I'm with Applebloom on this one, Scootaloo. From what my sister told me of these demons is that even Mr. Ichigo is having a hard time with them now," the white furred, two toned mane and tail of light pink and light purple unicorn filly named Sweetie Belle tells her friends.
"Oh quit being such a baby you guys, those timberwolves before weren't that scary," Scootaloo says and bravely walks further into the forest.
I've had enough and jump ahead and land in front of them. "Ahem."
"AAAAAAHH!" they all yelp as Applebloom and Sweetie Belle hide behind Scootaloo.
"Mind telling me why you three are in the forest? There are plenty of hollows in here that would make easy snacks out of you," I ask and tell them sternly.
"We're going to get demon hunter cutie-marks! We wanna be just like Rainbow Dash and the others!" Scootaloo replies and glares at me.
I glare back and walk over to her. "Oh really?" I ask and kneel in front of her. "And how will you do that without a zanpakuto? Or any weapon really? Do you think hitting them with rocks, sticks, or your hooves will be enough?" I ask her.
"I, we, well... It can't be that hard!" she retorts and crosses her forelegs at me.
I stand back up and draw my zanpakuto off my back. "See this?" I ask and they nodded. "I need Zangetsu here to slay hollows, I can use my bow or kido but my Zanpakuto is my partner and my friend. He helps me become stronger so I can face these monsters. You have no super powers or weapons or the strength to fight them," I tell them and put my zanpakuto away. "Now come on you three, we're going back to Ponyville."
They all hang their heads and accept their fate as I walk past them and they begin to follow me. After a couple of minutes walking my heart drops as my soul pager goes off. 'Oh shit...' I think to myself as I look at the radar and see four hollows coming towards us.
I can't take any chances of letting the fillies get hurt here. "BANKAI!" I yell and the three fillies yelp as they're blinded from the reishi's light around me. Once I'm in my Bankai I then scoop up the three fillies and hold them tightly with my left arm. "Hold on tightly and don't let go, hollows are coming," I warn them and they tighten their grip on my arm.
The first hollow bursts out of the tree line to my left and looks like a manticore with three tails instead of one. The second hollow in front of me looks like another minotaur but brown with much larger horns and muscles than the last one I fought here. The third hollow to my right looks like a black furred pony with beady eyes and large grin on its mask, it also has a large horn coming out of its forehead. The last hollow behind me looks like a gryphon with razor sharp talons and blade like feathers on its wings.
"Well well well, what do we have here? A Shinigami and three little ponies," the gryphon hollow says and then chuckles as they all begin to circle us.
"I call dibs on the yellow one," the minotaur hollow says.
"I'll take the delicious looking white one," the pony hollow then says.
"I'll take the orange one, I've heard pegasi souls taste like chicken," the manticore hollow says and licks his lips.
"Oh goodie, I get the Soul Reaper all to myself then," the gryphon says and they all start to close in on me.
I lean down to the fillies and whisper into their ears. "Close your eyes, hold on tight and don't struggle," I tell them and they all nodded before closing their eyes.
I don't have a lot of time to stay in my Bankai so I immediately lunge at the pony hollow and swing my zanpakuto at it, it manages to dodge but not by much and I cut off its horn. It roars in pain and I follow up with a thrust under its chin, piercing its skull out the top. The hollow goes still before dissolving into particles and I instantly turn and charge at the gryphon as its yellow eyes widen and he swings a wing at me.
I parry the metal like wing and slash him across the side leaving a gaping wound in it, it backs away roaring in pain as the minotaur runs at me with his horns facing me. I raise my sword to block but he's surprisingly strong and sends me flying through the air as the fillies scream in fear.
Twisting myself in mid air, I land on my back so I take the brunt of the landing and bounce off the ground and flip onto my feet where I slide for a few metres.
"You girls okay?" I ask them as they're trembling in my grip.
They all say they're okay but I yelp and jump back as the manticore thrust its tails at me. I avoid the stingers and then run to the right, I can't move too fast or the force of the speed might hurt or even kill the fillies.
The minotaur roars and charges after me along with the manticore, the gryphon has recovered it seems and also gives chase. I dodge through the trees and foliage trying to use my smaller size to escape the larger hollows and get out of the forest, though the minotaur seems to just be knocking the trees aside.
I hear the sound of metal on metal above me and spot the gryphon diving down from above the canopy. I jump to the right just avoiding the hollow's talons where I gather my reiatsu into my zanpakuto. "GETSUGA TENSHOU!" I yell and swing my blade sending a beam of black reishi at the gryphon hollow.
It squawks as the beam slices it in two, killing it as it dissolves and I can feel my time reaching its limit. 'I need to finish them off quickly,' I think to myself and leap into the air and over the minotaur. I then thrust my sword into the back of his head where the minotaur drops like a sack of potatoes and starts to dissolve.
The manticore hollow manages to blind side me as I come back down making me drop the fillies as they roll away from me and I hit a tree hard.
I groan as my vision is blurred from the blow to my head and I hear the fillies scream in fear as I see the manticore lining up its three stingers to impale the fillies.
I gasp and use my shunpo to appear in front of them and use my zanpakuto to block the tails... "Gah!" I yelp in pain as one of his tails got past and stabs me in the gut. I pull it out and swing my blade down right on his head and split it in two, killing the hollow as I drop to the ground. My body begins to feel numb and my Bankai cancels itself.
"Mr. Ichigo! Are ya okay!?" Applebloom asks me with worry as I gasp for breath, whatever that hollow's venom is it's paralysing me quickly.
"No... go... back to... town... get help... can't... move..." I tell them and they quickly run off down the path nearby back to town.
For a good few minutes I barely gasp as I can't feel anything anymore... but before I pass out, a silhouette of a pony in a brown cloak walks up to me and eyes me warmly.
"Relax brave warrior for I am here, there is nothing for you to fear," the pony says with a rhyme and female tone.
I notice she has some black stripes on what little light grey fur I can see along with a few glints of gold before I finally pass out.
Zecora has finally shows up, I Wouldn't be surprised if Zecora was a former shinigami.
That Really Wasn't smart for the CMC to go charging in and get themselves killed... Think They'll be junior Shinigami's?
Ok, Think this is it for me. I don't think I can keep reading this story...
7456774 Well, all I can say is thanks for roughing it out this far then. :)
7456786 If you would like, I can give you some advice on what I found that I didn't like. I'm not an expert on this, so I'm just speaking from my own mistakes and advice I have been given
first is I would suggest getting a pre-reader and an Editor. Though your story doesn't have many typos, there are quite a few sentences that sound off or awkward. They can also catch continuity errors, though that can be fixed/prevented by writing an outline.
Then Character development leaves something to be desired... They seem flat. Look at Chad and ishida. Basically the only thing we know about them is that they are brothers. I suggest spending more time on individual characters and history to develop them more. Write as much as you can about characters and story as you can...
...though not too much, else, you might end up like me. I have about 120 pages of lore, character traits and personalities, dossiers, tech specs like ship names, ship types, ship materials, 4 pages dedicated to just technology, ship building methods, mining methods, ship speeds, ships acceleration force, military power down to the number of persons within the military, Powe outputs, political and economic structures, currency, profiles for the alien races complete with pictures and history of the race, and a whopping 50 page outline that covers everything from first contact about 1,000 years before the story starts, to team missions, to what happened 300 years after the war ended...it is the reason why I haven't published it yet. I get lost in the details.![:pinkiesmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiesmile.png)
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Though I would still suggest writing an outline, and I would suggest starting it from the end. Because once you have the beginning and the end, how you connect the two is completely up to you.
Then there is the Nerfed Ichigo, but I won't get too into that. Too long to write on my phone but basically, even if he is Nerfed for a reason, why isn't he making a bigger fuss about it? Shouldn't he be frustrated that even though he is able to go into bankai, he can't take on 4 regular hollows, even though he is able to take on gillian menos in the anime/manga? And his speed should have given him an advantage. Even if it's Nerfed too, he would still be WAY faster than the hollows
But anyways, that's my two bits
With some more detail, character development and planing, this could be a great story
Sorry if I sounded like a dick or anything. It wasn't my intention.
7457061 Hmmm well Ichigo was carrying the CMC and they wouldn't be able to handle the speed he can go, (whiplash or ruptured organs and whatnot.)
The hollows are stronger than they appear as well, (this will be revealed why when they head out to Hueco Mundo)
As for the brothers, they'll get their own chapter later as they explore Ponyville and get jobs.
As for character development, I have adhd and aspergers, while not an excuse I do have moments of just blanking out and forgetting things a lot. So I do have notes on characters and how I want them to progress but I do find that hard at times, but I still soldier on and try. :)
7457818 I'm sorry to hear about your mental problems bro, but even so you still make awesome as fuck stories! Good on you fighting through your problems and not letting them be disabilities!!!![:rainbowdetermined2:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowdetermined2.png)
7458858
7458913![:rainbowlaugh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowlaugh.png)
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DID NOT SEE THAT COMMING!
7457818 oh ok, I understand, my brother has asperges too. I won't completely abandon this story, I'll just put it on my "maybe" bookshelf. I revisit it every once in a while juat to see how it progresses.
Hope you keep improving on your writing skills, and in no ways let the loss of one or a few readers stop you from churning out chapter after chapter. Wether they be masterpieces or the work of a novice, Putting out your work out there, where is susceptible to criticism is not an easy thing to do for anyone, and you are brave for it.
Take my words as encouragement, that some one cared enough about your story to complain and advice you on how to possibly improve. that's the way I see it anyway![:rainbowlaugh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowlaugh.png)
See ya around :)![:pinkiesmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiesmile.png)
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7535648 Because you skipped the chapter where a Quincy displaced gave him the bow and the girl thing is a temporary side effect.
7457818 same man, still, love your stories! Also, if you ever need someone to talk to, or bounce ideas off of, I'd gladly help
7458858 also, those are not really 'problems' so much as an atypicallity in the wiring of the brain.