Life in the Fast Lane

by TheAmazingMe

I Only Have Eyes For You

His expression neutral, Colteau motioned me to sit next to him. The chair beside his director's chair had an ever-rotating roster of ponies depending on what Colteau meant to accomplish. Apparently, what he wanted had to do with my work on his biography. "Mr. Story. You have made your inquiries about my foalhood and my early influences but have not but barely raised an eye to see my work in all your time here."

I shrugged. "I don't really know that much about film, I must confess."

"Yet you agreed to biography a film-maker? Then again, I suppose film directors aren't as common around Equestria." Jaune shrugged and shook his head. I knew that one of his aims for the biography and media campaign was to highlight what film could do in our country.

"My thought was that being here would help me get a better understanding. So far, the process just seems to elude me." I admitted, cringing inwardly. None of this was making me sound good.

Jaune shook his head. "Merely standing in the presence of something does not give you all the knowledge. You have to open your eyes, raise your head, and most importantly, ask questions."

"Haven't I asked you questions?" I asked.

Jaune's eyes flashed, but he otherwise remained the same. "See! You are starting off on the right hoof already. Oui, mon ami, I want you to ask me about my work. My passion."

"I see." I was definitely on the spot. I thanked Celestia for the experience with interviewing ponies over the writing trip. "I guess I should start by asking about your film. I've heard a little about it just from being around. It's based on a foal's tale, Bridle and the Beast?"

He nodded. "Correct. La Bride et la Bê​​​​te."

I nodded in turn and added, "Originally written by Jaune-Marie Laprance de Beaumont."

His nodding ceased. "Wrong. The tale was originally written by Gabride-Suzette Barbot de Villeneighve."

I frowned. "But..."

"Non, mon ami. Jaune-Marie abridged Gabride's original tale into the form we most commonly use today, but the oldest variation is still Gabride's." He said with a grin.

I shrugged. "Well, these are originally Prench foal's tales, so I'll defer to your experience here. How do you decide on elements to incorporate into the film?"

"I pull from my experience and the influence of mythology." Jaune said. "If we are to to take the Bridle and Beast story to just its archetypes, it is really a tale as old as time itself. The bare story has so many interpretations based on what the author, or poet, or film-maker is trying to convey."

I made note of his remarks and continued. "What influences have you incorporated into your own interpretation?"

"Have you ever heard the tale of Orponeus? Specifically, his visit to the underworld?" Jaune asked.

"Uh-oh. Looks like our lunch will be a little longer today." Jaune Marais commented as he looked over at us. He was dressed in his period costume of a tunic undershirt and pants with high boots on his rear hooves. "Do us all a favor. Don't ask him about mirrors. We want to finish this movie while we're still young."

"Hush! The stallion is asking the good questions now." Turning to me, he looked down. "I do hope you have enough ink."

Looking at the bottle nearby, I levitated my bag and withdrew my first back-up. "Ready when you are."

***

"Have you picked out a honeymoon yet?" Div asked as we sat at the kitchen bar at home. To be fair, I'd had brochures and pamphlets strewn haphazardly across the bar for the better part of two days.

I ruffled my mane and looked over at him. "You're sure you don't have any preference. Any at all?"

Without even looking, Div picked up a travel advertisement and threw it at me. The paper caught the wind and landed a few inches away from me, but I had the suspicion he'd aimed it at my head. "There, let's go there."

I glanced down at the document and sighed. "We don't have time to cruise the Mediterreineighan."

Div drew his shoulders up and asked, "Then why is it in the pile of travel crap?"

"You picked it out of the ones I've already decided against. There are three piles." I said, indicating the general area of each pile. "Over there is out. There is maybe. And right by me are the strongest competitors."

Gazing over the informal mess, Div shook his head. "They all look like the same pile. Maybe you should stack them?"

I sighed in exasperation. "But then I wouldn't be able to see them all!"

"Okay, how about I take the ones over here that are out and throw them away?" Div asked, starting to draw the out pile together.

"Hey! Wait! There's a few in there from the maybe pile! Oh, and I wanted to keep the Neigh Delhi pamphlet. Ooh, and the Saint Maretin cruise package."

"Why are you keeping ones you've decided against?" Div asked, incredulous.

Holding the brochures against my chest, I gave him my best big-eyed look. "I'm thinking about maybe developing a few ideas into fiction stories. And some of the pictures are stunning." Pulling open the Neigh Delhi one, I pointed a few things out. "Look, this picture of Lotus Temple is pretty good. They say creatures of all types are welcome there to pray and meditate. Oh, and there's a bit in here about Akshardame. It doesn't have quite the same history as most places in Neigh Delhi, but the level of work and the sheer scope of the place is amazing!"

"So, why did you kick this one out?" Div asked.

I sighed. "Well, traffic is a lot worse. It's like an hour long wagon ride to get anywhere. And there's a surprising amount of poverty. Not to mention they speak a different language, so we'd have to have a translator. But, believe it or not, the country's mostly run by cows."

Div cocked his head. "Really?"

"Yeah," I said with a smile. "It kind of explains their traffic problems, if you think about it."

"Life." Div said, meaningfully. "Pick something out or I'll just keep grabbing ones at random until you're buried in brochures."

"I'm already buried in brochures!" I said, sweeping my hooves out and knocking a few out of the pile near me and onto the floor.

Div rolled his eyes, but thankfully didn't move to help me. I quickly swept up the travel ads, making sure to keep the Eminence Enterprizes brochure out of his line of sight. It wouldn't likely be our honeymoon, as the Harmony's first voyage was still a long time away. However, the maiden voyage did start on Div's birthday and among the many stops were the major pegasus cities. I tucked it into a drawer with brochures for Appleloosa and Dodge City on top.

Pulling my second ace out, I held up an alarmingly shiny destination leaflet. "What do you think?"

"I'm sure it's..." Div started before turning to look at me. His voice trailed off. "The Crystal Empire?"

"It's someplace I haven't been. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to see Vanhoover and Baltimare and all those places again, but this could be something we discover together." I said, opening up the trifold and laying it out.

"I heard the lieutenant took his new bride there." Div remarked as we looked it over.

I snorted and punched him playfully. "See? And they got married after we did! If I didn't know better I'd say you were delaying."

Div snorted. "I don't have the lieutenant's pay grade. And he doesn't have a foal. Or a spouse who took on a project that requires them to be attached to some Prench stallion."

I threw a hoof over his shoulders. "Oh, come on, don't tell me you're jealous of Jaune Colteau?"

He shrugged me off. "More like I've heard the reputation of a certain Jaune Mareais."

Setting the hoof down on the counter, I gazed upwards. "A reputation that is certainly undeserved. He's as dedicated to Colteau as any pair of lovers I've seen."

"You honestly have no attraction to either of those Prench unicorns?" Div asked.

I bit my lip. Where was this coming from? I wondered. "I only have eyes for you, my love. Are you alright?"

"I-I just haven't been sleeping well. This shift's been a little rougher. Oh, before I forget, there's a Nightmare Night party at the castle. The House Guards are taking shifts, but I've got the first two hours. After that, we can party!"

"I think Colteau is taking that day off anyway. Bruiser's going trick or treating with the grandparents. All four of them."

"He's going to end up sweating sugar for a week, isn't he?" Div asked, smiling.

I shrugged. "Probably. He's going as a boxer. Mama Pro's already finished his costume. Maybe we can talk her into making us something?"

Div laughed. "If she hasn't already. We should head over there soon, actually. I need her to do something simple so I can switch out of my armor and into the costume without taking an eternity."

***
"So, with me working for part of the night we were hoping to pick your brain about a good costume. Something simple." Div said as we stood in Progetta's shop. Designs of Love was a comfortable place, helped in no small part by how many foalhood memories I possessed of the place.

"Simple? Easy to put on? Why even ask me to make you anything, mio cavallino? Just take an old sheet and go as a ghost!" Mama Pro said, waving a hoof in mock anger. To be fair, it looked real enough to the untrained eye. One had to know Mama Pro for a little while to get used to her sense of humor.

"You are a costume designer!" Div protested. "I thought you would know--"

"I was a flight-suit designer!" Progetta corrected, poking his nose. "I made suits for the most beautiful flyers around the world."

Amore piped up from the store room. "Yeah you did!"

Not even turning, Progetta yelled back. "Nopony was talking to you, Amore!" Sighing, she looked at me. "You wanna match with Mr. Keep-it-simple over here?"

Schooling my features to hide my amusement, I nodded. "I thought it would be nice, yes."

"Bah!" Progetta said, continuing her theatrics as she eyed us both. "My life's talent and they want me to work some miracle."

"Progetta! Be nice to the boys and just give them the togas already." Ma Amore called out from the back room.

Progetta snorted defiantly. "You want to ruin my surprises, Amore? You finicky flyer; you can keep that big mouth shut or I'll just have to show you where to put it!"

Div grimaced. I lost it. "Mama!" Div whined, ears down.

"Oh, don't you start with the 'Mama!' Do you know how many diapers I changed, only to have you soil them as soon as I could put them on! I will speak to my wife in my shop as I please!" She said loudly as she walked around the counter to retrieve two white bundles.

"Are we really going as ghosts?" I asked innocently.

Progetta fixed a glare on me that I hadn't seen since the last time a customer had insulted her. "N-not that there's anything wrong with that! I'm sure you make lovely ghost costumes, um..." I trailed off as her glare turned into a frown.

"Togas! Ancient Roaman togas! With beautiful borders, embroidered like even the wealthiest emperor never saw. You even have tunics to go with them." Her expression softened now that she'd had her fun. "Now, is my little pugile excited for his first Nightmare Night with his grandparents?"

"He really loves the costume you made for him. He's been practicing standing on his hind legs and throwing punches." Div said, grinning.

"Almost as good as Div." I remarked. "Maybe he'll follow in your hoof-steps and be a guard?"

"Maybe he'll follow in your hoof-steps and be a wife?" Div teased.

I poked my tongue against the inside of my cheek and nodded my head. "Oh, you think that's cute, do you?"

"Stallions! If you're going to get rowdy get out of my shop! Don't forget your costumes and don't worry about thanking me. It's not like I put any effort into this, I just breathe out these creations." Mama Pro said, waving a hoof.

Amore stuck her head out from the back room. "Progettazione! You want me to knock some sense into our little colts?"

Div and I rushed over to Mama Pro and hugged her, nearly picking her up off the floor between us. Together we chimed. "Thank you, mama!"

Author's Note:

In Case You Didn't Catch It:
Jaune Colteau - Based on French Director/Jack of all artistic trades Jean Cocteau
Jaune Mareais - Based on French actor Jean Marais
Bridle and the Beast/La Bride et la Bête - Beauty and the Beast
Gabrielle-Suzette Barbot de Villeneuve - is the original author of a novel-length original story La Belle et le Bête
Jeane-Marie Laprince de Beaumont - adapted Villeneuve's tale into one more recognizable today and didn't credit Villeneueve's original tale.
Orponeus - Orpheus from Greek myth.
Mediterreineighan - Mediterranean
Neigh Delhi - New Delhi, India (still thinking of a good wordplay for the country)
Saint Maretin - Saint Martin, in the Carribean
Lotus Temple - Actually a place. In India. It's a very nice place.
Akshardame - Akshardam Mandir, again India. Again, very VERY nice place.
Pugile - Italian for boxer

These little jokes really make me happy. I know some people groan at wordplay, but it's a passion of mine. I might actually spend too much time on these jokes actually, so I might have to rein it in.

Oops. Sorry to saddle you with another joke. Okay, that one is lame, I should just put it out of its misery.

Comments

[Skarsnik]

More wordplay, the amount is fine :)

[Grekoy]

I like it. I'm a big fan of beauty and the beast. I love the original ending of the tale.

[Bruno]

As the beginning of the Trials timeline draws closer, It makes me more and more.... uneasy.