Life in the Fast Lane

by TheAmazingMe

It's Magic

As the green glyph disappeared on Bruiser's door, I sighed and sat on the floor. Casting four timed, permanent silencing charms was a lot more draining than I'd bargained for. Then again, my spell-casting was at an all-time minimum anyway. I hadn't done more than the occasional levitation (aside from the accident) since I'd studied at the School for Gifted Unicorns. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I nearly jumped out of my skin as mom spoke.

"Neat bit of spell-work." She said.

I whirled around. "You could warn a pony before sneaking up on them." I admonished.

She looked less than conciliatory. "What was it you said? 'Don't knock, mom. Just come in whenever you feel like stopping by!'"

"Yeah, well yell up the stairs or something. Div might not be home at the moment, but I'd hate for you to walk in on us..." I searched my brain for the right words. I'd call it...

"Having sex?" Mom offered.

"Mom!" I whined. She had a habit of saying the most embarassing things.

Mom sighed. "Honey, I've been writing love stories since before your father and I ever considered conceiving you. I assure you, your father and I had sex many times while trying for a foal. We've also had sex many times since. Married couples have sex! Hell, nowadays even unmarried unfamiliar ponies are getting together and doing the bedroom ballet!"

I put my hooves over my ears and started reciting the alphabet. When I got to 'P,' mom tapped my shoulder. Cautiously, I lifted one hoof. "P as in pen--" She started, before I shut her out again and started over, skipping the offending letter.

Before I could recite it backwards, she tugged on my foreleg. "Oh, come on! I'm your mother, and an erotic romance novelist. Do you think I've never--"

"No, but I don't feel like discussing...it...with you either." I hissed.

Shrugging, she pointed a hoof at the door. "What were you up to, anyway?"

I turned around and touched my horn to the door. The glyph I'd created lit back up. She stepped up to inspect it. "It's a silence spell. I've set it to only activate at bed-time."

"Yes, I believe your father did something similar the day you came back and stayed with us." She commented.

"You guys could hear me snoring?" I asked, ears pinned back.

She waved a hoof. "Your father could. I'm apparently a very heavy sleeper. Honestly, it wasn't that much of an issue. Second is a lot more experienced in silencing charms than I thought. This though," She said, indicating my spellcraft. "This is a lot more intricate than his glyph. This is permanent?"

"It can be negated, but it's meant to last. I'll probably end up recasting this in a year or so." I answered.

"Impressive. I guess you did learn a lot more than just writing spells." She nudged my shoulder with hers. "Now, shall we go see about some tea?"

I nodded. "Let's. I need something to perk me up after casting all morning?"

She smiled. "Well, I'm surprised it only took you all morning considering how this turned out."

I lit my horn and the other three doors lit up. "No, it took all morning to do just these doors."

Her eyes widened as she looked up and down the hall. "You're making me tired just thinking about doing all that at once!"

***

“This place is amazing.” Div said as he stepped into our bedroom. “I can’t believe your parents kept it all this time.”

“It’s a little empty, still. Mom and dad held on to some furniture, thankfully. We’ll just have to find things for the den, living room, and maybe a few things for my office and the family room.”

Div set his duffle down on the bed and turned back to me. “I missed you.” He said as he held my cheek with one hoof.

“Of course you did.” I said, laughing. “How was it?”

“Pretty dark. I’m not sure exactly how much I can say, so please don’t spread this around.”

“Don’t worry. I’m far more interested in having you home than anything else.” I leaned in to give him a kiss.

“What’d ya bring me?” Bruiser chirped from the doorway. Div snorted in my ear.

Turning back to his bag, he pulled out a bundle of clothing. Given that he never wore anything usually, I had a good guess where this was going. Bruiser, on the other hoof, was wholly unprepared. Div threw it at Bru's forehooves.

“Mind taking my gambesons down to the laundry?” I had to cover my mouth to keep from smiling. Bru had to cover his nose to keep the smell out.

“Oh, that reeks!” Bruiser said, backing away from the bag.

“That’s the smell of standing guard over royalty. Well, that and letting it simmer in my bag on the trip back.” Div replied.

Grabbing the bag magically, I took it over to the laundry chute in our bathroom. “Very funny, Div. Now be nice.”

Div sighed and went back to his bag. “I carved this while I was off-duty. I haven’t gotten a chance to get some cord to finish it into a necklace. However, one of the local guards happened to know a way to stain the wood in luminescent moss. So, this glows in the dark and gathers light during the day.” He held up the bit of wood in one hoof. It was a crescent moon with swirling patterns carved into it.

“Wow, you made that?” Bru asked. Div nodded.

“I didn’t realize you’d gotten so good.” I remarked. It’d been a long time since I’d seen him whittle.

“I’ve been practicing. This is the best I’ve done so far.” He admitted.

"Well, we should go out and get something to put that on." I announced. "Anything else we should do while we're out?"

Div nodded. "I've heard about a store from one of the other guards. Supposedly, they sell board games and such. I think it's called The Crystal Delicacy."

I tilted my head. "Huh, sounds more like a fine dining place. Either way, it's worth a look. Do you know where it is?"

Bruiser turned to exit the bedroom, but I caught him in my magic. "Are you forgetting something, Bru?"

He turned around, or rather, I turned him around. "Oh, yeah! Thanks, dad!" He said to Div. I let him go and he bounded out the door.

Div and I looked at each other. "We might need to cool it on the gifts for a while. He used to fall all over himself just to thank us." I observed.

Div nodded. "Agreed."

***

The Crystal Delicacy wasn't terribly far at all. The shop took up the floor of a three storied building. Presumably, living quarters for the proprietor were above on the remaining two floors. It definitely had games. Boxes of all sizes, sorts, and shapes filled many shelves. Bruiser headed off to some brightly-colored boxes, Div followed him to make sure he behaved. My head turned and what I saw drew me in almost magnetically.

It seemed the Crystal Delicacy also specialized in another area: crystal sculptures. All sorts of creatures sat on velveteen display shelves in glass cases. The piece that drew my attention was a finely-detailed rose-quartz figure of a rearing Princess Cadence. From its place at the center of the circular display table, the piece commanded attention and admiration. Her wings spread wide, her man and tail flowing in an invisible wind, it was perfection and mastery all wrapped up into one amazing piece.

"She is for sale, you know." A voice said behind me.

I turned to face a yellow crystal pony. For a second, I thought it was a large sculpture and I looked around for the pony who'd spoken to me. Then, he blinked and smiled.

"Oh! Sorry, I'm not used to seeing..." I stopped myself. Was it racist to say something like that about Crystal ponies?

"No offence taken. We're a bit of a rare sight still." He assured me.

I exhaled. "I was just admiring this." I said, gesturing at the table. "Well, all of it is wonderful. I can't imagine how much time and energy went into it all."

"More than you'd think. Less than you'd expect. I've been doing this for, well, over a thousand years is technically correct." He said, smiling.

I laughed a bit, then stopped myself. I'd really have to get used to talking to a crystal pony without worrying about offending them.

"See anything you'd like to purchase? If you'd like to take a closer look at anything, you absolutely can." He offered.

I considered my options. The Cadence sculpture had to be out of my price range, but there were other, smaller odds and ends. Then I spotted it. A Princess Luna's House Guard in amethyst. It was even an earth pony like Div. "That one. The guard."

He smiled. "Good choice."

As the sculptor escorted me up to the counter, a ruby mare greeted him. "Loun! There you are. I'd thought you'd gone upstairs to skip off the rest of the day."

He chuckled. "You usually beat me to it, Ruby."

In retaliation, she kissed him right in front of me. He went red immediately. "Honey." He protested feebly.

She, apparently, wasn't having it. Pecking him again, she swatted his flank as she crossed to pass me. "Even good stallions need a spanking every now and again."

"Bad fillies need one every night." He jabbed back, his blush deepened as he realized I was still there. I tried to cover my mirth with both hooves.

She turned around, giving a swish of her tail that wasn't exactly called for in my face. "Well, if you're offering, sweetie, you're welcome to try. Just remember, I can only get so much redder. You, on the other hoof..." She trailed off meaningfully. I hadn't thought it possible, but his blush actually got redder again.

She turned back to me and waggled her eyebrows. "Stallions, you should be thankful you don't--"

"Oh, he does." Div said as he sidled up next to me.

"Ooh! What a perfectly good waste of two handsome stallions." Ruby said bluntly. "Don't take that the wrong way, now. There are quite a few games we have here that would be perfect for two gentlecolts to play...while the colt's asleep." She indicated a doorway with a red curtain and 'Adults Only' posted above it.

Div smiled. I was starting to feel a bit like poor Loun. "Maybe next time." Div teased, kissing me behind the ear. I squirmed and tapped him on the shoulder with my hoof.

"Just keep us in mind. You won't regret it!" She said casually, as if discussing a favorite restaurant instead of saucy board games. With that, Ruby disappeared around the corner, tail swishing.

Div and I met Bruiser at the counter. We paid for a few family games and my figurine. When Div noticed it, he smiled wider.

"This way I have something to look at while you're away." I said as Loun bagged the games and carefully wrapped the little House Guard.

"You sure we shouldn't go take a peek in the backroom? Maybe then you could have such a good time you wouldn't need any reminders." He teased. I covered Bruiser's ears. The colt looked up at me and rolled his eyes.

"Not in front of the colt, you dolt." I whispered harshly.

***

I woke up to a nose poking my neck. With a jolt, I realized it wasn't Div, who's nose was currently nuzzled in my hair. "Bru?"

"I-I'm sorry. When I couldn't hear you, I got really worried." He said. I cracked open an eye and saw him standing in his blue striped pajamas. He rubbed one forehoof against his other forelimb and looked away from me.

My brain began to unfog and I realized how cold it was in here. Well, outside of my blanket, and the warm stallion pressed against my back. "Oh, do you need another blanket?"

"No, I just couldn't hear you." He repeated. Finally, it clicked. The silencing spell I'd placed kept him from hearing me. I could've kicked myself for not explaining it to him.

I made to get out of bed, but Div's hooves tightened around me. He muttered sleepily into my hair, but I could tell he wasn't likely aware of what he was doing. I tapped his hooves to get his attention, but he just tightened his grip again. Sighing, I used my magic to loosen his grip and slide out of bed. Before I let him go I shoved my pillow into my place. Div's hooves wrapped around the pillow and he sighed contentedly. Rolling my eyes, I pushed Bru back out into the hallway gently.

Touching my horn to his door, I showed him the glyph. "It's a silencing spell to keep the noise of me snoring out of your room. Open stayed over last weekend and had a terrible night, so I figured I'd set this up so you could sleep easy."

"That's the problem." He said simply.

I scrambled my brain, but came up empty. "What's the problem?"

"I can't hear you." He repeated.

"Yeah, that's because of the spell." I explained.

He rolled his eyes and sighed. "I want to be able to hear you. I don't feel safe if I can't hear you. Even if you're snoring."

"Oh. Sorry, I guess I just assumed that since Open had a rough night, I must be doing the same to you. Div doesn't notice. He's a really heavy sleeper."

"Can you take the spell off?" He asked.

I winced. It had been over an hour's worth of work setting the spell on his door alone. "Are you sure? It was a lot of work..."

"Aren't you supposed to ask somepony before you cast a spell for them?" He pouted.

"Okay, we're going to discuss this. One, you are my foal, so if it's in your best interest, I will cast a spell if I have to. Two, this is my house. I pay the mortgage here, kiddo, so I'll make modifications to it that I feel are necessary. Now, I won't do it all the time. I thought this was fairly harmless, but I do feel bad for not telling you so that we could've had this talk at a more reasonable hour. So, a little less pouting will do." I resigned myself to uncasting this spell. At least it would take less time to take it down than it did to set it up.

I lit the glyph again. Tapping my horn against part of the circle, the glowing energy peeled away from the door where I'd touched it. With a thought, I drew the magic back into my horn. Letting the energy go willy nilly could make it harder to set a spell next time. The glow of the glyph weakened and eventually the glyph deteriorated.

"There." I announced. "Now give me a hug and go back to bed. I'll take the spell off my door and then try and get some sleep myself."

He cringed. "Yes, sir." He stepped up, but his body language was like he expected to get hurt.

"Stop." I said tiredly. "You don't have to hug me if you don't want to. I just wanted you to know I'm not mad at you."

"You sounded mad." He said quietly.

"I'm just tired, Bruiser. I'm sorry that I wasn't careful with my tone."

He burst into tears and buried himself in my side. I patted his back and mane until his sobs slowed down. We ended up sitting on the floor. Thankfully, the hall was carpeted. I'd have to talk to somepony about setting a few warming spells. I would do it, but without an expert things had a tendency to burst into flames.

"I hate being a crybaby." He muttered into my side.

"You're not a crybaby, Bruiser. You've been through a lot more than anypony else I know. Honestly, I don't know how you deal with everything so well."

"But, I keep calling you sir, just like him. Sometimes it feels like I'm back there." I brushed through his hair again and thought about it.

"Would you like to talk to somepony about it?"

"Like who?" He asked.

"Like...Whindy. A pony who knows about colts who think they're crybabies. Somepony who's good at listening and can help you remember how good you are. I think you should."

"I'm talking to you." He pointed out.

"Yeah, but I'm new to parenting, Bru. I don't have all the answers. I don't know how to remind you that you're not back in Appleloosa." I admitted.

He looked up at me. "You think this special pony could help?"

"I do. But only if you want to. If you don't, well, I can go pick up a few books and maybe find another way." I looked back down and kissed his forehead. "Let me know tomorrow, love. I'll love you and help you as much as I can either way."

We both got to our hooves. Bruiser walked back into his room. He turned around in the doorway and gestured me closer. I leaned my head down and he gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Good night, daddy."

I smiled and hugged him around his neck. "Night, Bru. Love you."

As his door closed, I looked back at my own. With a sigh, I went to dispel the glyph and try to sleep. By the time I got to bed again, I had to magically free my pillow and force my way back into Div's embrace. My thoughts kept me up until Div lipped at my ear. Sighing, I leaned into him and decided to leave all the thinking to future me. It was tomorrow me's problem.

Author's Note:

Was going to wait until the new year. Got tired of waiting. Early Happy New Year. See you in 2016 for the next chapter.

Comments

[Skarsnik]

Hey. Now I want more of this too :) For some reason I prefer this kind of Slice of chapter than 'let go on adventure in Appleloosa'

[Grekoy]

Thanks.

[TheAmazingMe]

6778527 You're welcome!