Life in the Fast Lane

by TheAmazingMe

One Fine Day

Opening my front door, I saw perhaps the last pony in Equestria I ever wanted to see at my doorstep. "Genuine." I said as evenly as possible.

"Life." She replied.

We stared each other down. Irritated, I spoke first. "Why are you here...at my home?"

"We need to talk." She said. Those four words were never anything good.

I inhaled slowly. "Then talk."

She looked around. "Out here on the front porch? Call me an old-fashioned southerner, but you could invite me in."

I could also tell her to go to Tartarus. "I made it clear to you to stay away from me and my family. So talk."

She shook her head. "I admire the hell out of a stallion with some backbone. But now's not the time. It's probably not safe for me to be seen around you. For your sake, if nothing else. So let's take this inside."

I held the door for her and gestured her in. "Fine."

She stood in my foyer and took in the view. "You gotta nice place, mon ami."

I gestured to the dining room table. She took a seat left of the head of the table. "I'm not your friend."

"You should be." She said as she settled herself down. "Our interview all those months ago had an unforeseen consequence."

I sat at the head of the table. "What are you talking about?"

"It's taken me a while to see it too. I shouldn't have been so naïve. I trusted you a little too well. Maybe it was the food or the conversation, but I felt fine confiding my darkest secrets to you. I-I told some friends about our interview and my uncharacteristic lack of discretion. They figured you'd used some sort of magic to get out my whole life's story." She smiled for a moment, but sobered when she looked at me.

My patience wore thin. "I wouldn't have done that. And I couldn't have done that. I don't have the ability to magically influence other ponies' thoughts."

She nodded. "I know, but my friends weren't convinced. I didn't think they'd harm you, I still don't, but you have to understand how good of a friend these ponies are to me."

I glared at her. "What are you talking about?"

She took a breath to steady herself. "I didn't send you the copy of the Principia in order to pay you for a good review. Another pony paid me to send it to you." After her proclamation, she looked at me to gauge my reaction.

If it was true, it was baffling. "Who?"

She looked down. "Before I tell you, I need you to know that they would never hurt anyone. So, if you still think someone tried to kill you, I'm positive it isn't them."

This meant literally nothing to me, but she already thought I'd told her secret once. What was to stop me from lying to her? Well, besides the fact that I am generally not a liar. "Who was it, Genuine?"

She looked into my eyes. "Promise me you won't go after them about the accident at the gorge." She insisted.

I shook my head. "I don't owe you anything, Genuine. If what you say is true, then these ponies were probably setting you up with that book as much as they were setting me up."

Her mouth opened, but she was temporarily at a loss. "They wouldn't do that! This is all just a big misunderstanding." Her tone wasn't as sure as she seemed to imply.

I resisted rolling my eyes narrowly. "An angered manticore winds up attacking the train that's bringing me, my husband, foal, and parents home. A rogue storm washes out the bridge the train is stuck on at just the right moment. These aren't accidents. There's nothing to misunderstand."

She tapped the table with one hoof. "How could anypony know that you'd still be on the train when the bridge collapsed? That rogue storm also did heavy damage to the dam upstream, miles away from that bridge."

I wasn't about to give in. "Nopony would have evacuated that train if my dad hadn't checked the bridge. There could have been many more lives at stake. What better way to hide one murder than by making it look like an accident that killed everypony aboard?"

She leaned back. "So why target you? Isn't it a little presumptuous to assume that, out of all the ponies on that train, they were after just you and your family?"

I hadn't heard the door open, but I looked over to see Div standing in the archway from the foyer to the dining room. "What is she doing here?"

Genuine sighed. "Oh great, the guard."

Ignoring her, I clued Div in. "Genuine says that she didn't give me the book; someone else paid her to send it to me."

"Who?" Div asked.

She looked at him remorsefully. "You have to promise me you won't go after them."

He snorted rudely. "No deal. You're hanging on a thread already. We let ponies know that you let forgeries through the auction house and your reputation is shattered."

She snorted back. "Go ahead. I've already sold the business off."

"You sold the book shop?" I asked, a bit stunned by the off-hoofed way she said it.

Her eyes held a touch of remorse, but her face remained resolute. "I've held onto it for too long. My husband passed away years ago. I need to move on."

"You leaving town?" Div asked as he sat at the end of the table.

She regarded him with amazing aloofness. "Not that it's your business but no. I have a few matters to take care of and some decisions to make before I can move on fully."

Div tapped a hoof on the table. "That's great. Back to the pony who sent Life the book."

"No promise, no name."

I snorted. "You can walk right back out, then. I won't play any games with you, Genuine."

She stood. Div and I did the same. "Fine. We'll go back to staying out of each other's way."

I nodded. "Fine. Have a good day."

Div saw her out and slammed the door behind her.

His face slowly drained away the anger as he spoke. "I can't believe you let her leave with that question hanging over us." Div stated.

I shrugged. "We'll figure it out. It's somepony close to her."

He nodded. "Yeah, she was awfully insistent on not giving away the name."

I waved a hoof. "Whatever. She'll be leaving the city. Here's hoping this is the last we'll see of her."

***

The marketplace nearest to us was...let's say too pricey. Fortunately, there was one closer to the Royal Guard complex that understood the needs of young families. Unfortunately, my parents were visiting my uncle (mom's brother) out of town. That left me with Bruiser, who'd lately been on a question kick the likes of which I'd only heard of in parental horror stories.

"Okay, so how can you do all the magic you do?" Bruiser asked.

As this was the first time I'd gone to the market by myself, I was just a little lost. Of course, having a distraction didn't help. "Um, I'm a unicorn."

"Yeah, I know, but not every unicorn can levitate, cast silence spells, writing spells, heal..." He trailed off, looking longingly over at a toy shop we passed. Wait, toy shop? Was there supposed to be one around here?

Sensing the dangerous allure of toys, I kept his attention on me. "Well, you're right. I'm maybe a little better at all sorts of magic. But I'm only above average in a few categories."

"Why?" If I had a bit for every time he used that one word, I'd start my own printing company.

I shrugged. "I have a feeling not even Celestia knows why some ponies can do more magic than others. Mom used to joke that it was because I was good at whatever I needed to be for life."

"Are you?" He asked earnestly.

I snorted. "Not everything. I can't use strong attack magic and my shields are about average normally. I'm not good at complicated magic like teleportation." Was there a spell that let you know if you were going the right way? I looked at the unfamiliar cross-street and made a guess.

Halfway down the next block, I decided I'd definitely gone the wrong way. Maybe if I made a turn here, I could cut back across the district. "Dad?"

I looked back at him. A slight breeze blew by. "Yeah?"

"Are we lost?" He asked, glancing around.

I looked around at the dead-end empty alley I'd led us into. "Uh, yeah."

He sighed. "Maybe we should..."

"Well, looks like somepony made a wrong turn." A voice said from a nearby alcove.

"Uh, yeah, actually. I don’t suppose you..." The figure stepped out in front of us. A familiar night black pegasus pony smirked at us, his eyes settling on Bruiser with a predatory gleam.

Glancing at Bru, I could see the shock on his face. I made the mental connection. This was the pony who’d forced Bruiser to steal for him in Manehatten.

“Vinny. Vindictive Bucker.”

Vinny smiled. "One encounter and you remember me like that? I think I'm a little honored."

"What do you want?" I said, stepping in front of Bruiser.

"That colt owes me. And since you laid your filthy earth pony hooves on me last time we met, I think I'll take a pound of flesh outta your hide too."

"Dad!" I looked behind us at the entrance to the alley. Two more brutish ponies blocked our escape. Both were earth pony stallions with enough muscle on them to put a healthy amount of fear into my veins.

I looked back at Vinny and his mocking smile. I had to get Bruiser out and then knock that smile off his face. "Oh, did you think I'd come alone? All the way from Manehatten? I may be violent, but I'm not stupid."

He continued as both he and the henchponies slowly walked towards us. "We've been keeping tabs on you since you survived that little...accident at Galloping Gorge. No, don't look at me that way. We didn't plan that, but whoever did was a freaking genius. Too bad it didn't work. Well, too bad for you. Falling off a bridge is a lot less painful than what we're going to do to you."

Summoning a bubble force field, I expanded it out, shoving the two henchponies into the wall. "Bruiser, run!" To his credit, the colt listened to me and shot off like an arrow.

The henchponies tried taking off after Bru, but I tethered their hind legs to each other. They stumbled and fell. I heard a rush of wings behind me and ducked. Vinny flew over my head, a small black club in his mouth.

“Go track down that colt!” Vinny growled at the two muscle-bound ponies.

“This magic's in the way.” One said, dangling a tangled hoof.

Vinny looked back at me. “Guess I’ll have to break somepony’s concentration, and a few bones just for good measure.

***

Going on beat patrols wasn't exactly common for some sergeants, but I swore that I, City Guard Sgt. Paisley Ember, would not be a desk-sergeant. Besides, the rookie I'd been saddled with, Jelly Jogger, needed all the help he could get. The dark magenta stallion made an odd sight with his bubblegum pink cropped mane and tail. He wasn't a bad recruit, he just lacked a certain amount of sense. When he wasn't sneaking his favorite treat (stereotypical jelly filled powdered donuts), he had a splendid knack for missing the point.

We turned the corner on Market Street and Wagon Road when a two tone spotted colt bowled me over like a set of ten pins. This, of course, amused the rookie to no end. As I tried to stand without hurting the little hat-wearing wrecking ball, the colt's eyes caught sight of my City Guard armor and he started speaking faster than I could catch.

Finally on all fours again, I straightened myself and glared at the still-guffawing rookie guard. I felt the colt seize my hoof and tug. He was strong, but I was less than cooperative.

“Hold up, little guy. Let’s have you explain that again, but slower and in plain Equestrian.”

The colt sighed in frustration. “No time!” He shouted. Turning to Jelly, he slapped the smile right off of the stunned Guard’s face and then turned tail and ran.

Jelly was after him, shouting for him to stop, before I could react. After my momentary shock wore off, I took to the air. I just hoped I’d get to the colt before Jelly could. I was sure he wouldn’t hurt the colt, but he’d likely scare the hell out of him.

Turned out neither of us got to him first. The colt had to be part rabbit, dodging other ponies and slipping under carts and tables. Jelly had a decidedly less lucky streak; I made a mental note to go back and apologize to the bistro, flower stand and newspony.

The less said about the poor cabbage seller, the better. That was going to be a costly reimbursement. Well, costly for Jelly.

By the time the colt slipped into an alley, Jelly looked like an oddly decorated paper mache pony. As I swooped down, I saw three ponies fighting a fourth pony. None of them looked too good. I dropped two with well-timed kicks as I landed. The fourth pony buckled, the third assailant delivered a clubbing blow before I could reach him. As I dropped the third pony with a surprise attack, I wondered what the hay Jelly had gotten into.

Looking back, I saw him holding down the colt. Well trying to, at least. The guy was struggling for all he was worth. I put it together pretty quick that pony number four, a blood dun unicorn stallion, was the colt’s dad.

“Jogger, let the colt up and get me some Emergency Medical ponies.”

Jelly hadn't heard me, his focus on wrestling the squirming bundle of fur and insults. “...resisting…stop resis…”

“JOGGER!” I yelled, getting the rookie’s attention this time. “Big picture. Get some EMP's and restrain these three ponies ASAP!”

Glancing around, he let go of the colt and saluted. “Uh, yes Sarge.”

“Daddy.” Now free, the colt rushed to his father's side. “Is he going to be okay?”

I wasn't a trained medical pony, but first aid would only be an improvement at this point. “Give me some space, kid. He’ll be fine as soon as we get him some help.”

Author's Note:

Yeah. You get another, longer chapter early. You've earned it. Enjoy!

Comments

[The Forgotten Comrade]

Jelly... is an idiot.

[Skarsnik]

Damn that a crazy dark turn of event

[TheAmazingMe]

6912678 Confirmed. He's young, inexperienced and has a knack for tunnel-vision. Here's hoping Paisley can get his head straight.

6913821 Things are getting serious again.

[Grekoy]

Sweet Luna No! Not Life! He must live up to his name.

[TheAmazingMe]

6914449 To quote the Aladdin sequel: "You'd be surprised what you can live through."

[disuser]

Heh.... EMP's...

Electro- Magnetic Ponies please!

Anyways, good chapter! You could name one of the EMPs Jaded Persona. Or something. There's always one guy like that on every call...

[TheAmazingMe]

6917643 Ha! I thought of the same thing when I wrote EMPs originally! I might steal that name.

[disuser]

Not at all! It's a little hard to steal a suggestion, and I have absolutely no attachment to that name. I'm not even sure of a gender or race. By all means, take that er... persona.

[Bruno]

Jesus, what’s with ponies and alleys? I must’ve read three or four different fics all with things going wrong in alleys.