Bonus: The big questions
Big Mac groaned as he lifted the last hay bale into the wagon. It was hard, difficult work. But it was almost done. He wiped some sweat from his brow, his coat glimmering in the sunlight. He was looking forward to heading back to the farm house and having some nice, delicious iced tea. Maybe enjoy a bit of relaxation. He idly moved the little stalk of wheat from one side of his mouth to the other. Maybe--
A chill ran down his spine. He looked around for a moment, before he saw it.
Val. The little demon child. He gave an annoyed sigh, but watched the colt walk up none the less. His mother wasn't anywhere near, so he figured the colt would soon be demanding the subjugation of all earth pony kinds. Probably wanted to get pulled around in a fancy cart, too. Well, he'd deal with that awfully quick.
“Hey Big Mac!” Val said as he walked up, grinning up at him.
“Mmmm hmm,” the stallion said as he prepared for the worst. Whatever foul mouthed thing the little colt said, he was ready.
“What's a harem?”
He wasn't ready. His mouth fell open and the little piece of wheat fell from his lips. “Buh?”
“Mom said I should ask you,” he said far too happily.
Big Mac just stared. What could he have possibly done to anger Cheerilee in such a way? Or maybe it was his little sister. Maybe Applebloom had lit the school on fire or something. Buck, even if she did, this was so far above and beyond a rightful punishment.
“Well?” Val asked, still staring up at him.
Big Mac groaned and then did the next best thing. “Go ask Applejack,” he said gruffly.
Val blinked, before sighing. “Fine.” He turned and walked off, grumbling darkly. “It's not that rare a word here, is it? You'd think ponies would know what it is. Mom had like eight of them. They have to be common.”
The stallion watched the lad go, before turning back to the wagon. Maybe he could get his ice tea later. For now, the east fence looked like it needed a bit of mending. And if it didn't, well, he could make it need some.
He then paused and his cheeks managed to get redder. Why in the hay did Cheerilee think he knew ANYTHING about harems? She didn't think he had one, did she? Just what kind of rumors were flying around in town?
------
Applejack hummed softly as she gave a tree a nice hard buck, sending the apples falling down into their buckets. She'd worked up an awfully big sweat of her own, grabbing her hat and fanning herself off. When she put it back on her head, Val was standing in front of her. About five feet in front of her and she couldn't deny he looked ready to dart at any moment. “Hm? Well, howdy there lil partner. Yah here tah see Applebloom?”
“Nope! You,” he said softly. He shuffled a bit. “Big Mac sent me to talk to you.”
“Oh no,” she said with a sigh before sitting down. “What'd yah do?”
“I asked him a question, he said he didn't know.”
“Hm? Well, what was it?”
“What's a harem?”
Applejack's smile stayed straight, but her hat wilted. “Ex... excuse me?”
“What's a harem? I asked mom and then Big Mac, but neither of them knew. He told me to come talk to you.”
“Ah see.” Oh, she would get him back for this. Somehow. Someway. Maybe toss one of the pigs into his room next time he was sleeping. “Well, ah uhhhh... ah ain't...” She blinked and then a crafty grin formed on her lips. “Ah ain't rightly the kind of person to talk to about this. But yah know who would be? Rarity.”
“What? Why Rarity?”
“She knows all about these kinda things, ah assure yah. Why, ah bet she'd know enough tah fill a book.” Applejack imagined she'd probably read a few dozen of books involving that particular context.
“Are you sure? I came all the way out here and everything,” he whined.
“Ah'm sure. Jus' go on, lil buddy. It'll be fine.”
He sighed and turned, walking off.
Applejack wiped the sweat off her brow and let out a low whistle. “An here ah thought Applebloom was a hoofful.”
------
Rarity hummed softly as she circled around the beautiful blue gown she'd been working on. Truly spectacular. Marvelous. A bit more narrow than she liked, free flowing, but it had a bit of lightning on it as well.
After all, if Rainbow was going to wear it, then it absolutely had to be 'awesome'. And stylish. She--
Felt a shudder. One of cold dread. She frowned and looked to the door a moment before it opened. Ah. The young strange child. At least his mother wasn't here this time. His real mother. Cheerilee, on the other hoof, was a doll. “Hello, Val. I'm afraid Sweetie isn't here right now, she's with the girls at their little tree fort.”
“Oh, I'm not looking for her. Well, yet. I wanted to talk to you.”
Rarity nodded. “Of course. And what can I help you with today?”
“What's a harem?”
The mare paused. Stared for a few moments. She then looked towards the dress. After a few moments a knowing smile formed on her lips. “Ah. Of course. Val, dear, would you mind helping me with something?”
“What?”
“Could you wear this dress while I adjust it? I--” She didn't even have to finish the sentence before she heard the door slam shut. She let out a sigh of relief before glancing towards the door. “Good heavens, what would possess that boy to even learn such a word?” She gave another shudder. Maybe it was time she talked with Sweetie about avoiding the child. A murderous mother was one thing, but this? Such a corrupting influence.
------
Val frowned as he shuffled through the town, glaring at the ground. Ugh, why wouldn't anyone tell him? Was it that big a secret? What if it really was a drow thing only? What if they didn't exist here? Sure, it made sense that his mom might not know, she was a teacher. If it wasn't in a book, she probably didn't know anything about it. Rarity... might have known. But while he didn't mind the dress, the thought of being alone with any mare while she dressed him up just sent chills down his spine. Not that he was scared or anything. Not at all. Just cautious. And Big Mac, well, he was an idiot. At least, he looked like one. And if there was one thing he'd learned over the years, it was you could judge solely based on appearances.
Oh, wait, or was it you couldn't? He'd need to ask mom about that later.
Suddenly there was a pink blur ahead of him and he let out a yipe, stepping back, but he was too slow. The taste of a chocolate cupcake filled his mouth as it was stuffed inside and suddenly there was a pink pony besides him. “Hey Valley Walley bo Natty. What's with the long face?”
He blinked. “Just... ugh. Can't get an answer from anypony today,” he grumbled.
“Ohhhh, you need an answer? You should go to Twilight!”
“What? Why Twilight?”
“She's super duper smart and knows EVERYTHING! I'm sure she'll know exactly what you're looking for! What are you looking for, anyway?”
“I wanna know what a harem is!” he shouted. Odd, almost all the ponies in the street were staring at him with looks of horror now.
“Ohhhhh. Did you try Rarity?” Pinkie asked.
“She tried to put me in a dress.”
“Ah. How about Big Mac? I'm sure he has one.”
“He had no idea.”
“Rainbow Dash? I'm sure she'll end up in one eventually. Probably to some exotic...” She paused. “Aaaaaanyway. Try Twilight! If anypony can tell you, she can!” And then, with a poof, she was gone. And she'd left another cupcake on his head.
“... I don't know if I love her, hate her, or am terrified of her,” he mumbled as he grabbed the cupcake and started walking towards the giant tree, nibbling his treat.
------
Twilight frowned as she looked at the letter. Well, it was almost completely fixed now, even with Claw's unique digestive system. There were only a few letters missing and they were so few that it was quite easy to read around them. But she wanted to make absolutely positively certain that nothing was left to chance, so she made sure to keep the spell going.
Still, it seemed that there was nothing to worry about. Val's mother was gone and she seemed to be the great threat the letter mentioned. It also mentioned the Smooze, so she'd need to talk with Discord about keeping it in check and monitoring it. But all in all, it all seemed quite wonderfully wrapped up and done with. Precious had even been helping her, the mare seemed almost as fascinated with time magic as she was. Everything was going perfectly to plan.
A shudder went through her spine and she turned around, horn glowing and ready to defend herself. Val stared back at her. “Ummm... is... something wrong?” he asked a little nervously.
“Huh? Oh, no, I just got a sense of... nothing,” she said, standing back up straight and waving her hoof dismissively. “What brings you here, Val?”
“I want to ask you a question,” he said, a frown on his face. “Nopony can answer it though and they keep telling me to ask others.”
Twilight nodded as she moved forward, a grin forming on her face as she hovered over a few dozen books. “Ohhhh, what is it about? Advanced magical theory? Ultra advanced magical theory? 'Don't try because you might destroy the fabric of reality' magical theory? Basic engineering?”
“What's a harem?”
The books dropped from her magical grip and she heard Precious let out a yelp as she fell over, dropping half the contents of her desk on top of her.
Twilight gulped. “Errr, w-well, I'm really busy and... errr... oh!” She pointed towards the door as Flash walked by. “Flash! I have a task for you!”
The stallion eeped and stood up straight, saluting. “Yes, your highness?”
“I need you to... ummm... answer some questions for Val.” She scooped the colt up in her magic and quickly slid him towards the stallion. “Kay thanks bye!” she said before slamming the door shut.
Val blinked a few times, before looking to the stallion. He looked him up and down and... “Yeah, you won't know.”
Flash just blinked a few times as he looked down at the colt. “What?” He then straightened himself. “I will do my best to answer whatever questions you have, young Val. For a royal guard never forsakes their duties to the princess.”
Val giggled. “You said doody.”
Flash paused and sighed, face hoofing. “Dang it, I did, didn't I? Their oath, then. So, what can I do for you, lil buddy?”
“What's a harem?”
The guard froze, before looking towards the door. If he fled now, he could probably make it to the train before the next departure. He'd have to be fast, though. Using the few bits he had on him, he might be able to make it near enough to Appleoosa to fly the rest of the way. From there he could get a cloak or something, hide his wings. He'd be an earth pony. Maybe go by the name Chad. Yeah, Chad sounded like a cool earth pony name. Chad or Hoofbeater. He could flip a coin.
“Well?” Val asked.
“Huh? Oh, err, just... thinking,” he mumbled with a sigh. He then straightened up again and puffed out his chest. The princess had given him a job and he would do it, even if it killed him. “Okay then. Let's go to the library and we can talk this out.”
“We were just kicked out of the library. And I think she locked it.”
Flash paused, before nodding. “Right. Let's go to the ummm... cafeteria. And talk this out.”
“Okay!” Val said, walking off ahead... even though he had no idea where the cafeteria was. He was finally going to get an answer, he couldn't believe it.
------
Flash sighed as they finally made it to the cafeteria. They had found fourteen bathrooms, three observatories, a dungeon, a spa and sixty-five closets on the way. Val had an amazing knack for going through all the wrong doors. Yet Flash didn't mind. In fact, he wished it would have taken Val another hour or week to find their destination. None the less, the time of his doom was at hoof and he'd take it with the true finesse and stiff upper lip of a royal guard.
And he would not cry or try to hide behind the princess. He missed the days when the most dangerous thing he had to do was fight some changelings. He took a seat and looked down at Val. “Okay, there's some things we need to discuss first. Val, you're young, impressionable. I can imagine how you've heard of these, but listen when I tell you. You have a bright, healthy future ahead of you. If you want to be one of the princess' harem ponies, that's an achievable dream but I would think long and hard if that's really what you want. Too in love with the sun and all that. Don't rush into things, especially if you don't really understand them.”
Val blinked. “What?”
“It's a comfortable life, I'm sure. I've even met a few of them. They're nice ponies, but it requires peak physical...” He paused. “You... weren't asking about... because of them, were you?”
“No...” Val said softly, staring at the pegasus.
Said pegasus wished lightning would come and strike him to the ground. “Ah. How... about you tell me about what you know?”
The colt perked up. “Oh! My mom has a harem and a bunch of my older sisters have them and they're the only time they seem to say good things about males and they're a sign of power and strength and you have to have males and females in them and--”
“Okay, okay, okay!” Flash said quickly, holding his hooves up. He wasn't paid enough for this. Why did he have to get transferred out here, why? He didn't deserve this. Nopony deserved this. “Okay. First. That's... well... errr... harems exist, but I don't think that's something you'd want. It tends to only be with heavily political ponies who aren't allowed to marry for... well, one reason or another. What you're probably thinking more of, is herds. That's far more likely for... somepony of your...” He coughed nervously.
“Herds?”
“Yes! When one pony forms a... relationship with multiple... ponies...” Flash stared at the child. Why were they dumping this on him? It wasn't fair! He coughed into his hoof again. “When they... sometimes... have multiple mares or stallions they want to be with... forever... then... it's a herd.”
He nodded. “Ohhhh. So what's that like?”
Flash coughed. “Well... it's like... a big party I guess. A big, permanent party. You... errr... you kind of agree to...” He choked a little, his mouth dry. “You agree to be loyal to each other and only each other and that's kind of what a herd is, it's a long lasting relationship and, errr... everypony in the herd is the mommy and daddy to the kids and... and stuff.” Oh he wished he could die right now.
Val nodded. “Huh. That seems simple enough. Why didn't any of the other ponies know?”
Flash groaned. “And... you're a bit young, Val. Don't worry about stuff like this. Have... fun with your youth. Enjoy it. Harems, herds, marriage, all that stuff is things you need to worry about when you're older. And not quite such a... colt.” He was not trained for this. There was no training for this. He put a hoof to his face. “Just... don't worry about it for now. Just stick to being friends.”
Val nodded. “Okay... I'm going to go tell the girls they're part of my herd now!” he yelled before running off.
Flash blinked. “I... I just said... but it doesn't... gahhhh.” He face hoofed again. “Whyyyyy does this stuff fall on me?” He shook his head. “Eh. At least I wasn't lit on fire this time.” He made a mental note from now on to send one of the other guards walking by the library when the princess was in it. Next time he'd dig under it if he had to. Buck these extra 'assignments'.Then he heard it.
------
Val made it a few halls down before Twilight stepped out from one of the rooms. “Ah!” the princess said, smiling at him nervously. “Err… Val, I wanted to speak with you. It's uhhh...” She looked around. “I felt awfully bad about pawning you off on Flash like that. If you need your questions answered still, I'll do it.”
The colt shook his head. “Oh, he told me everything.”
“Err… e-everything?” she asked nervously.
“Uh huh! Hey, you're a princess, right?”
“Why… yes? I suppose I am now. Princess of friendship.”
“Oh. Then why didn't you know what a harem is? Flash said you had one.”
The princess froze in place. Then her mouth fell open. “He said WHAT?!”
“Yeah! You should know what they are if you have one, silly pony,” he said before running off. “I'm going to go form a herd!”
The princess stared at the colt, unable to move as she just watched him run off. Then a crash from the cafeteria freed her from her shock. She raced to the room and shoved open the door.
Flash was gone, all that was left in his place was a single spinning bit and the shards of broken window he'd burst through.
------
Ticketmaster glanced up from behind his desk as the strange earth pony walked towards him. The pony was wearing a large, black cloak, a massive sombrero and the most glorious moostache the pony had ever seen. “C-can… can I help you?”
The stallion stared him in the eyes. His eyes were filled with a fire, but more than that, fear. And confusion. So much confusion. “One ticket to Appleoosa, señor,” he said gruffly before dumping the bits on the desk.
Ticketmaster nodded before counting the coins. “There aren't enough here.”
“Then as near as you can get me.”
He nodded. “To Dodge Junction it is,” he said before putting the coins in their box and pulling out a ticket. “Name?”
The stallion took one last, slow breath. He looked the clerk straight in the eyes.
“Chad.”
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Gotta love Val!
pre11.deviantart.net/269b/th/pre/i/2015/270/3/9/spike_no_by_hillbe-d9b6ejt.jpg
cute chapter "It's always the talk that tests the metal a true hero"
The adventures of "Chad" as he run and run away as he is chased by a mysterious lavender alicorn.
Silly Flash, you cannot buy your way out of your destiny! *Places all bits on Flash eventually hooking up with Twilight. Perhaps after a beholder attack.* What can I say? I like that pairing... Poor Chad...
He said WHAT.
Yep, I'm out.
That was hilarious. Poor Chad.
6955076 Lol. We shall see. Hopefully newest chapter doesn't make your betting too hard. :P
6946710 Aye. And she keeps being there for him. Even though instinct says she should run for the hills.
6946723 Oh gosh, Val playing poker... Fire. Fire everywhere.
6946768 I think Rarity would kill Spike if he did that to Claw. >.>
6949947 Preeeeeety much.
6950138 Thanks. ^^ Always good to have those caught. :D
6950344 ... Poor Twilight doesn't get paid enough.
6951124 The princess could never do that! :O
6954369 I hope so. ^^
6954379 ... okay that one was adorable.
6954454 Never stop running, Chad.
6955076 But he can try!
6955992 Can't nope out much harder than changing your identity and fleeing for your life.
6957380
Hey, what do you think you're doing, responding to comments instead of writing a sequel? For shame!
6957380 more adorable
pre06.deviantart.net/8bff/th/pre/i/2016/114/6/b/dance_of_the_poor_dragon_by_hillbe-da03miq.jpg
such a nice story had to read it again..