Chapter 4: In Which A Certain Someone's Night Goes From Bad To Worse
“Hey there, bud. You feeling all right?”
Someone was touching Arthur’s hair. Or, no—not touching. Petting.
“You should be careful how much you drink. Glasses might be bigger here than they were back in Equestria.”
“What?” Arthur licked his lips and found his mouth tasted terrible, which would help explain the wide circle of vomit on the washroom floor below the sink.
He blinked, trying to get his sight back into focus. He found he was sprawled out on the floor, his bare skin against the cool linoleum. So what’d happened to his clothes? And why was his head resting on some guy’s leg while he ran a hand over his head?
“Put him down and let’s get out of here,” said another male voice, closer to the door. “Leave it to the staff to take care of him.”
The hand touching Arthur’s head settled on his back. It was odd how soothing it felt, considering how horrifically uncomfortable this situation should’ve been making him.
The one petting him said to his friend, “But he’s sick and looks terrible. And he reminds me of my dog for some reason. They’re almost the same size. I feel kind of bad for the pony.”
Pony.
Pony, Arthur thought, before cold, hard awareness took control.
“Gah!” Arthur leapt to his hooves and stumbled immediately as one of them clipped the edges of the vomit puddle. He looked down at his hooves and shuddered at the sight, then brought one up to poke around at his new muzzle and ears, moaning the entire time. “No, no, no, no, oh, God, no!” He stopped and looked at the mid-twenties male still sitting cross-legged on the floor.
“I’m a pony,” he said bluntly.
The male nodded. “I noticed. You feeling okay?”
Arthur shook his head. “No. I’m a pony, but I’m not supposed to be.”
“So you’re not feeling okay? Want someone to call you a cab?”
Now both scared and annoyed, Arthur trotted to the stall he’d exited from before passing out and pushed the door inwards. He looked on the floor for his clothes, mainly his pants which held his phone, ID, and wallet. The sight of the empty stall only added to his growing anxiety.
More things began clicking into place.
“Discord,” he said. “He took my shit and turned me into a pony. He took my shit and turned me into a motherfucking pony!”
The guy by the door nudged his friend in the shoulder. “You ever seen an angry pony before? This is kinda neat.”
Arthur turned to them, cheeks burning red. “I am not a pony, you stupid fuckwads! I… just happen to look like one right now, but… I’ll… I’ll figure this out. I’ll fix this!” He narrowed his eyes to the guy that had been petting him. “And who said you could touch me!? Someone happens to pass out on the floor and your first thought was to scratch their head?”
The guy shrugged and rose to stand. “Hey, don’t go twisting yourself in a knot. I know a few ponies in school that love head scratches. You looked sick, so I thought it would help. Obviously, I crossed a line. No hard feelings.”
Arthur tried to steady himself by only breathing through his nose. Sadly, his new snout and heightened senses only filled him with the smell of vomit. He turned to the pair. “How long was I out?”
“Ten minutes, give or take,” the one by the door said. “But we found you on the floor, so it’s hard to say how long you were there to begin with.”
“I need to find my friend. He’ll understand. He’ll know what to do.”
“A pony friend?”
Grumbling under his breath, Arthur gathered what nerves remained and rushed past the pair of nitwits and out the door. Never before had he felt so naked or exposed.
Or plain terrified.
***
Once Arthur got to the bar and didn’t see Robert nearby, he awkwardly pushed a chair aside to leap up and balance on his back legs so he could look over the bar.
“Star Burst! Over here!” he called, surprised he could recall the bartender’s name at all.
“Hello, again!” Star Burst greeted warmly. “Interested in any specials tonight?”
“No. I’m looking for my friend—tall, thin, ordered some fruity drink earlier. Sat right here and probably ate three bowls of peanuts by himself. I need to know where he went to.”
Star Burst pursed his lips and turned to the side to ponder. “Sorry, can’t say that I remember such a person. Then again, I do see a lot of people during my shift.”
“Seriously? We sat right here just fifteen minutes ago and—” something Star Burst had said before made him pause. “You said ‘hello, again’ when I came up to the bar. What did you mean by that? The last time I spoke to you, I was human. Now I’m a pony that you shouldn’t even be able to recognize.”
Star Burst coughed out a few jittery chuckles. “Umm… I’m afraid if this is a joke, I must not be following it all that well. You’re saying you used to be a human, but got turned into a pony?”
Arthur nodded vigorously, his tail energetically swinging behind him.
Star Burst furrowed his brows. “I must say that’s strange, sir. I don’t have any recollection of you being a human at all. You’ve always been a pony. I should know—I’ve been here all night.”
Arthur clicked his teeth together. “You lying sack of shit! It’s because I insulted you, isn’t it? Tell me! You know exactly what’s going on here!”
Star Burst sighed. “I’m afraid I’m going to need to cut you off, sir. Yelling at bar staff is against restaurant policy, and you ought to know that. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m needed at the other end of the bar.”
Choking on his rage, Arthur popped off the counter and back down to the floor, catching sight of a large red light behind him. Near the bar’s exit was a flashing neon sign of a thick arrow pointing towards the doors leading outside. The neon sign soon reformed itself to read: “GET YOUR PONY PLOT OUT THE DOOR BEFORE I TURN YOU INTO PUDDING”.
Arthur gulped, and eventually did what he was told.
***
Discord sat on the lip of the rooftop overlooking the alleyway, his thin legs dangling over the edge and busily kicking at the air. He watched as Arthur—the brand new pony—hesitantly left the safety of the bar and entered the trash-filled and dimly-lit patch of pavement behind the restaurant. The shutting door nipped on the tip of Arthur’s tail, causing him to yelp and gallop forward a few more paces. There he stopped and looked around, one leg rubbing against the other.
“Hello?” Arthur said. “I got your message loud and clear, so if you want to talk, I’d be more than happy to. I think there’s been a slight misunderstanding here.”
For a moment, Discord shut his eyes and saw what his duplicate he had snapped into reality was doing back in the restaurant with Twilight. The duplicate was trying to decide on a dessert while convincing Twilight she still had room for something sweet. It must’ve been hard for the mare, he knew, only having the one stomach and not the thirty one that he had—including the six specially designed to hold chocolate and sweets.
Convinced things were peachy keen in there, Discord redirected his attention to the newly minted pony below. Everything seemed to startle the poor thing; an empty garbage bag blowing in the wind; the dry crunch of a leaf underneath his new hooves. Even from such a distance, Discord could see him trembling. That was good. That was nice. Almost as sweet as dessert.
“Hello?” Arthur said again. “If you’re out here, please answer me!”
Discord needed to get him moving—needed to force him out of the alleyway. Arthur might’ve been hoping for a quick conversation and follow-up lesson about being a complete and total jerk, but before any such thing could occur, Discord wanted to soften him up a bit.
Shouldn’t take long, he thought, given how fragile he already seems.
He snapped his fingers together.
***
Pacing in a slow circle, Arthur tried to take in every inch of the alleyway at once. In his chest, his heart beat away like a jackhammer. He gulped, remembering the vomit taste in his mouth again. At least vomiting had removed most of the alcohol from his system—his currently much smaller system—so he had more clarity on the matter at hand. Hoof? No. No, he couldn’t start thinking like that.
Everything around him made him want to scream: the noise of nearby cars blaring their horns; the upbeat top 40s music he could hear from inside the bar; even his own hooves steadily clopping against the ground.
As his fear gave him the awareness to think clearly, Arthur strained to recall all the parts of Discord in that book of Steve’s. With the snap of his fingers, Discord could do most anything. Anything at all. Like, for example, turn humans into ponies. But would it stop there? Or would Discord kill him for insulting Twilight? If anyone found a dead pony behind the restaurant, Arthur doubted many would take a wild stab in the dark that perhaps that pony started the night out as a man. Or did Discord have something worse in store for him? Perhaps he’d be turned into a sentient beer bottle, first drunk and then thrown in the trash?
Or was he really going to be turned into pudding like the sign suggested?
“Oh, please let this be a dream,” Arthur whispered. “I drank too much, passed out in the washroom, slept on the toilet. That sounds great. Let’s go with that.”
A low grumbling from behind him pulled at his attention.
He turned in time to watch as the large, green dumpster pressed against the restaurant’s wall opened its lid to reveal two rows of razor-sharp metal teeth, each one dripping with grease and bits of garbage and food. Behind the hundreds of jagged teeth sat a pit of darkness—one giant slice of cheese pizza slithering around inside like a tongue.
The dumpster opened its lid and roared, rising a foot into the air, the wheels on its side forming into stubby working legs. The dumpsters plastic lid curved upwards and downwards to create a jaw, loudly snapping at the air in front of it. It took a few steps from its position, then spun to display its dripping fangs to Arthur—a full hamburger dropping from its mouth as it screeched at him.
Arthur’s tail shot up between his legs and he shrieked, a sound so high in pitch he could’ve easily passed for a train whistle. The moment he turned, he lost his footing, face colliding with the ground. The dumpster monster behind him took another step closer towards him, the rotten smell of garbage growing with every alley-shaking step.
The smell gave Arthur the drive to get away. As fast as he could, he beat his hooves against the cement, soon finding a rhythm. His legs wobbled underneath him, threatening to buckle; he had to concentrate not to trip.
A few meters ahead lay the mouth of the alleyway. Becoming desperate, the hungry dumpster behind him changed its game, turning its stubby metal legs into large wheels that rolled across the ground with ease. As the garbage monster’s pizza-tongue licked at his tail, Arthur screamed again, sparing a quick glance to find some of his fur coated with bits of cheese and grease.
Up ahead, Arthur saw a smattering of people and cars. The second he exited the dimly lit alleyway, he skidded on a puddle and sailed across the sidewalk, plot and shoulders smashing into a vehicle parked beside the sidewalk. A large grey van.
Arthur gasped and looked back down the alleyway.
No hungry dumpsters lay in wait. No evil draconequuses, either. It was as if nothing had changed at all.
“This isn’t going well,” Arthur admitted, biting back his first batch of tears.
“You okay there, pony guy?” asked a male voice from overhead.
Arthur looked up and saw a younger man sticking his head out of the window of the van he slid into. The man had on a backwards facing cap and a thin white shirt with its sleeves cut off.
Arthur quivered out a breath. “No. Not really.”
He gave him a one-sided grin. “Well, that’s too bad.”
That was when Arthur was roughly pulled inside the van.
***
“Sure you don’t want a bite?” Discord asked with a pepper-grinder caked in mashed potatoes and bits of brownie held in front of him.
Twilight shook her head. “I’m good. That salad was enough. I didn’t actually think you could physically eat that much dessert.”
“When it’s free and you’re someone like me, you make the necessary room, Twilight. Did I ever tell you how many stomachs I have?”
“I’ll never understand all there is to know about you, will I?”
Discord grinned, lips covered in random mush. “That’s what makes it fun!” He took another bite. “You feeling a little better? Still glad you came out tonight?”
Twilight looked at the table. “I am feeling better, actually. You’re right; it was only that one guy saying those things. He doesn’t represent everyone’s opinion on us. So far… so far, everyone’s been really nice. I like this place. Maybe I was too quick to judge humans. It’s not like I’ve really interacted with them at all.”
“I’m glad we came, too,” Discord said with a cocky grin, as his duplicate watched Arthur get chased out of the alleyway by a living, breathing dumpster monster. “And I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself, Twilight. You were living in the equivalent of hell for nine months straight. It’s entirely possible your brains might’ve got a little scrambled on the way over here. But that’s why you got someone like me to help put things in perspective! Aren’t you lucky?”
Twilight glared at him. “Scrambled? You think my brains got scrambled?”
He rolled his eyes. “Okay, maybe poached. Speaking about brains, how’s your head feeling?”
Twilight glanced at her empty glass. “A little light, I guess. Why?”
“Because then I can ask you another question that’s been on my mind for a while.”
“Will I like this question?”
“You should like all my questions, Twilight.” Discord ran a paw over his mouth to remove some of the mess. Then he grabbed at Twilight’s hoof with the same paw and held onto it. “One word: kids. Whaddya say?”
Twilight blanched and immediately regretted having nothing left to drink. “Children? As in… you and I have children? Can we, even? I mean, I’ve never really looked into that, but, knowing you, I’m sure it’s possible.”
Discord added his other hand to Twilight’s hoof. “Of course it’s possible, silly billy. With me, anything’s possible. And I was thinking—how ‘bout a cute little filly for you, and a big, strong male draconequus for me? One of each! I could even teach them both how to play hoofball when they’re older!”
“You could guarantee we’d get exactly that, couldn’t you?”
He nodded happily.
“You really want to be a father?”
“It’s something I’ve always wanted to try and it’s something I think I’d be good at. I could be the cool parent that lets the kids stay up late and eat junk food while you could be the stern one that makes them do their homework when they’re supposed to.”
Twilight exhaled slowly. “But what makes you think I’d make a good mother, though?”
Discord looked at her sternly. “Because I love you, and I know a great many other ponies that love you, too. I know you like to teach others and help them when you can. And I think that deep down, you’ve always wanted to have children of your own. And what better place to have them than here on Earth? So that when they’re born, this’ll just be ‘home’ for them and nothing more—loved and cared for by their totally rad and ridiculously good-looking parents.”
“This isn’t another ploy to get me to like Earth more, is it?”
“Twilight, I’d ask you the very same question if you and I were together on Equestria.”
Twilight pursed her lips. “Can I think about it? Give you an answer later?”
Discord snickered. “Well, obviously! I think you’d be the first one to notice if I was trying to get you pregnant.”
***
In the flat back of the cargo van Arthur had been pulled into were three other human males somewhere in their early twenties. Another guy sat in the driver’s seat, drumming his thumbs on the wheel while listening to whatever music he had playing in his head.
Every human inside the vehicle wore similar clothing. The one that had yanked him into the van held a clipboard over a knee with a pen in his hand. He crossed another item off the list.
“Found a pony—check,” he read. “Picture with pony—uncheck.”
He brought out a phone from his pocket and held it up and away from him. He mashed his head next to Arthur’s so they were both inside the frame.
“Smile!” he said, before he snapped the photo of himself next to the terrified pony. He turned back to the clipboard. “Picture with pony—check.”
“What… why are you doing this?” Arthur asked. “I’d like to go now, please. At it is, I’m rather in a serious situation right now, so—”
A heavy hand fell to his shoulder, pinning him to the floor on the van.
The man with the clipboard shook his head. “Just be a few more moments, Mr. Pony Guy. You see, the five of us are on a scavenger hunt of sorts. Four other teams are on the same hunt as us tonight. The team to check everything off the list first and report in? They get to enter the Delta Tau Chi frat, no questions asked.”
“DELTA TAU CHI!” the other four exclaimed, before slapping their chests with their fists.
“Now,” the clipboard guy continued, “some items on the list are pretty simple. Egg a house. Break and enter. Rob someone. Hack into someone’s wifi network. But seeing as how all you pony guys showed up outta nowhere, this year’s list is kind of different. So when I heard this restaurant in particular caters towards you little guys, I just had them park the van and wait. And as luck would have it, you just trotted right into our arms. I must say that was rather kind of you, so thank you for that.”
One of the men that sat by the rear of the van pulled a black duffle bag out from behind him and set it on his lap. Once he unzipped it, he began searching around inside. Something large and metallic rattled within.
Arthur glanced at the nearest exit—the sliding doors behind the man with the clipboard. He honestly didn’t know if his hooves would even be able to grip it and slid it open.
The man scanned his list again. “The first two pony related tasks here are pretty tame—find pony, take picture with pony. Stuff that won’t frighten the pony, I guess. But the next two items…” he looked at Arthur uneasily, “…you might not like very much. Number 21: shave a pony. Number 22: return with their tail.”
If there was anything left on the pony portion of the list, Arthur didn’t give them the chance to finish. Whirling around, he hunkered to the ground and shot out his back legs, catching the man with the clipboard in the chin and another of them in the shoulder.
Using what little momentum that allowed him, Arthur lunged for the door handle behind him and tried to grip it. It was clear from the onset that his hooves were just too big for the job.
“Hold him down.”
It seemed getting kicked by a pony hadn’t done as much damage as Arthur had hoped.
Several pairs of hands tightly gripped his legs and middle and forced him to the floor of the van. The man with the duffle bag handed out two pairs of electric razors to the men that sat beside him, before pulling out a very rusty pair of gardening shears to loudly snap together.
The man with the clipboard’s face filled Arthur’s vision. “Tails grow back, don’t they?”
Arthur tried to scream, but a hand was already there to keep his muzzle shut.
The man whispered to him. “Maybe this is the moment when you realized you fucked up rather badly, Arthur Mitchell.” When the clipboard man looked at him again, his eyes had turned into giant pools of hypnotic yellow and red, his pupils and irises colliding together as if in a dance.
He made scissor motions with his fingers. “Snip-snip!”
Just out of sight, Arthur saw the shears lower towards him until the man holding them snapped them shut. Arthur waited for a pain that never arrived.
Immediately afterwards, the van vanished altogether and he fell to the cold concrete below.
***
Even as Arthur writhed around on the ground, grabbing at his back and sides, he could sense that someone was standing over him. He hitched in a breath, debating with himself whether to open his eyes and glimpse the figure above him or instead keep clutching at his wounds.
“Get up, Arthur. There’s still much left for us to do tonight.”
Discord. Much giddier than he’d sounded back in the bar.
“Please,” Arthur pleaded to him, opening a single eye to the lengthy monstrosity towering above him. “I’ve learnt my lesson! I shouldn’t have said what I said! It was a mistake and it’ll never happen again! I promise!”
A lone light illuminated Discord from overhead, casting his heavily lined features in deep pockets of shadow. Somehow, even in that dark, Arthur could perfectly make out each one of his sharp teeth and fangs—hanging in the middle of all that darkness like a Cheshire cat’s grin.
Discord angled his head. “You promise, do you? How splendid to hear!”
Effortlessly, Discord scooped him up off the ground and into the crook of his arm before setting him down on a step. He lowered until they were face to face. “So that means you’ve changed your mind about ponies, eh, Arthur?”
By Discord’s maniac smile, Arthur could tell he’d need to watch his words carefully. “Umm… yes. I, uh, believe they deserve to live freely and… uh, not be bothered—”
“By people like you,” Discord interrupted.
Arthur nodded. “By people like me.”
“Asshole, dickish, narrow-minded idiots like you.”
Arthur gulped. “Yes. Those things.”
“Which things, exactly?”
“Asshole, dickish, narrow-minded idiots like me.”
With his eagle’s claw, Discord pinched one of his cheeks. “That sure is some super-duper good news, Arthur ol’ chum! Guess I can’t fault someone for taking their sweet ass time getting on board with things. Well, I won’t bother wasting anymore of your time, then. Tootles!”
Discord popped his hands into new pockets on his sides and casually strolled away, whistling a merry tune out of key.
Arthur’s eyes went from one of his hooves back to Discord. “Wait. What are you doing!? Change me back! I said I was sorry! I’ve learnt my lesson! Seriously! Change me back!”
In the time it took Arthur to blink only once, Discord had returned to him, his snout pressed up against his. Although his smirk might’ve suggested he was in a rather playful mood, Discord’s eyes couldn’t completely hide the burning malice just below the surface.
“But I thought you said you liked ponies,” Discord said thickly.
“I… did, but—”
Discord raised a brow. “But what? I thought that if you liked ponies now, you’d have no problem remaining as one until the end of your days. Unless….” Discord’s smile dropped. “Unless you just lied to me to save your skin a moment ago, Arthur. That was rather unwise, if that’s what you did.”
Arthur didn’t have a single inch to retreat to—his head and plot pressed firmly into the wall behind him. “No. I… still think ponies are fine, I mean, it’s just that…” He tried to think of something else—anything else—that might save himself. “The only reason I said all those things in the restaurant was because there’s a good chance I’m going to be fired from my job soon—fired and then replaced by some pony named Sunflower. You know how embarrassing that could be? A grown man being replaced by a small, talking horse? It’s… it’s…”
By Discord’s continued dour expression, Arthur could tell his revelation had done little to sway him.
“Please! I have a wife and kid! I can’t just come home as a pony! They wouldn’t understand! It would change everything!”
Discord bared his teeth. “What did I tell you about lying, Arthur? You have a girlfriend, yes, one that’s been living in your home for three months. Kids? No kids to speak of. But from what I understand, that girlfriend of yours is a very supportive individual. Must be… to want to be around you for any length of time.”
Arthur said weakly, “I just wanna go home.”
“I know you do. So I’ll help. Can’t wait to hear how you explain everything to her.”
Discord snapped his fingers again.
***
On her way back from the washroom, Twilight nearly collided with the buspony as he was exiting from the kitchen. Before the tray he had kept balanced on his back could hit the floor, Twilight grabbed it in her aura and gave it back to him.
He gave her a smile and a nod. “Nice catch. Thanks.”
“No problem. I should’ve been paying more attention, honestly. A lot on the mind tonight. Alcohol included.”
The buspony used his mouth to set the tray up on his back again. “Don’t know if you caught me yet, but I’ve been staring at your table a lot tonight; haven’t really seen Princess Twilight Sparkle out all that often since we got here. Almost thought that was odd, how I heard you still lived in the city and all.”
“I’ve been around,” Twilight answered hesitantly. “Maybe not as much as I could be. It’s taken me some time to get used to this place—forgetting about Equestria, too. Do you actually like it here? Working and living here?”
The buspony turned to the side. “I mean, it’s not super amazing or anything, but it pays the bills. And, so far, everyone’s been pretty nice to me. I mean, you do what you got to do, right?”
Twilight nodded faintly, before the buspony surprised her with a hug, knocking his tray back to the floor with the motion.
Once he let her go, he said, “Sorry, just thought you could use that. You’ve looked kind of sad all evening. And, also, I guess that’s my way of saying thanks for everything you’ve done for us.”
Twilight furrowed her brows. “Us?”
“Us, as in all the ponies that made it out of that terrible version of Equestria. Without your help, I don’t think any of us would have survived there, or at least not for long.”
“You do understand my original plan wasn’t to evacuate everyone to Earth, right? It was…” Twilight shook her head. “Well, I’d rather not talk about it.”
He put a hoof on her shoulder. “I know what you were trying to do—I read the book, too. But at least you were trying to help everyone there. And if you didn’t try the way you had, then Steve never would’ve switched your plans at the last minute and gotten us all here. But you still attempted something and I’d say that still counts.” He awkwardly scratched at his mane. “Truth be told, all the ponies I’ve been talking to have been a little worried about you. We all thought you’d make the best of it here. Make it easier for us, somehow. Show humans how smart and creative and wonderful some of us can be. I mean, I’m not saying staying inside all day is the worst thing you could do, but…” his cheeks turned a little red. “I’m going to stop talking now, but it was nice meeting you.”
Twilight stopped him with a hoof. “Wait, just one more thing. I heard you lost some family in that version of Equestria. I lost family there, too, and friends. Don’t you find it hard to continue on without them here, in a place that’s really nothing like Equestria?”
He smiled thinly. “Sure, it hurts. It hurts a lot sometimes. But I’ve always tried to do the best that I can, no matter what. Some of my family might be gone, same as my friends, but that doesn’t mean I’m gone too. This might not be Equestria, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make it more like home. Things will change here—slowly, probably. But I know things will get better in time. I find that’s usually the way things work.”
Twilight almost hoped he’d hug her again. “How can you stay so optimistic throughout all of this?”
He stared at her quizzically. “From knowing about you, obviously. I don’t think there’s a single Twilight Sparkle story where she’d given up hope completely. You’d be surprised how many ponies that get interviewed refer to the adventures of you and your friends when asked what gives them strength.”
Twilight hesitated, before asking him, “You’re really good at giving hugs. Could I have another one before you go?”
So he did, and Twilight had to be careful not to squeeze him until it hurt.
***
Into a vortex of blinding light, Arthur had wholly disappeared, reappearing in the middle of his hallway at home. The door directly in front of him was the bedroom he and his girlfriend, Courtney, shared. By the crack of light at the bottom of the door, Arthur knew she was still awake. Now came two very hard, but nonetheless important tasks:
1. Opening the door using only his hooves.
2. Explaining to his girlfriend that he’d been turned into a pony and asking if she’d be okay with that.
A single step to the door and already Arthur wanted to turn tail and run.
Maybe it would be better if he planned out a speech.
“Courtney, this may be hard to explain, but… you’ve always liked horses, haven’t you? Didn’t you ride some as a kid?”
He shook his head.
“Courtney, I did something a little stupid tonight, but I’m sure we’ll laugh it off in time. Just like that time I bought that jet-ski using your credit card and didn’t tell you about it.”
He shook his head again.
“Courtney, sweetie… oh, Goddamn it.”
Standing in front of the door, Arthur steadied his thoughts and sighed. Then after finding his best grip on the knob, he turned it and stepped inside.
Arthur kept his eyes closed. “Now before you say anything, Courtney, let me try and—”
“Arthur? I thought you’d still be with Robert.”
He opened his eyes to find his girlfriend in bed, the covers pulled up tight to hide her bare chest. To her side was a lump of covers doing a terrible job of concealing a body underneath.
Courtney relaxed a little by the sight of him. “Oh, wait. You’re not Arthur. You’re a pony. How’d you get in here?”
Arthur felt his blood boil. “Who’s in the bed with you!?”
A stallion with a bright yellow coat and dirty brown mane stuck his head outside the covers. “Sorry about this. She said this was her place and that she was single.”
“Sunflower? No. No, you can’t—” Arthur’s vision went hazy as he nearly collapsed to the floor. While he looked away, both Courtney and Sunflower had been replaced by laughing Discords, all pointing at him while wiping tears from their eyes.
“Having fun yet?” Discord asked, before he snapped him somewhere else.
***
When his shift ended, the restaurant’s buspony exited the building from its back doors, a paper bag of leftovers held tightly between his teeth. By the time he stepped outside, the air had gotten a chill to it. He shivered a single time and reminded himself to buy a scarf next time he had a free day.
The buspony took only a single step outside before he heard someone crying close to him.
“Af ou al wrigh?” he asked the crying stallion through the bag in his mouth.
A stallion with a caramel colored coat and light yellow mane had curled himself into a tight little ball on the steps outside the restaurant. “I don’t want to be a pony anymore,” he croaked between sobs.
The buspony spat out his bag and sat next to him. “Why’s that? Rough night?”
The crying pony popped his head up from his self-formed ball just long enough to give him a once over. “You’re not Discord, are you?”
The buspony shook his head. “Nope. I just bus tables. What’s your name?”
“Arthur Mitchell.”
“That’s a weird name for a pony.”
“That’s because I’m not supposed to be a pony.”
“I see.”
Arthur kept on crying.
“You want to tell me what’s wrong, then? Maybe I can help fix it.”
Arthur wiped at his face. “I’d rather be left alone.”
“I see.”
The buspony opened his paper bag and pulled out a Styrofoam container. He popped it open and brought it to his mouth to leisurely slurp at a noodle from his stir-fry dish. “You want a bite? Good food always makes me feel better when I get sad.”
Arthur glared at him. “What don’t you understand about wanting to be left alone?”
The buspony munched on a piece of fried broccoli. “That wouldn’t make me a very good pony, now would it? Leaving someone alone who’s feeling down isn’t really my thing.”
Arthur sniffed at the air. “That smells pretty good. I got sick in the bathroom earlier and gave all my dinner to the floor.”
“It is good. Have a bite.”
The buspony ripped the top part of the container off and slid a portion of the noodles into it. He handed it over.
Arthur took the small container of food and stared at it blankly. “Why are you being so nice to me? You don’t know me. I don’t know you.”
The buspony dabbed at his mouth with a napkin. “Because helping others makes me happy; and hearing a pony say he doesn’t want to be a pony anymore kind of hurts, you know?”
With next to no grace, Arthur took a large bite out of his noodle dish. “But I don’t want to be a pony anymore.”
“So you’d rather be a human?”
“Yes!”
The buspony wrapped a leg around his shoulder. “It might seem tough right now, but I know things will get better for us. If you’re having trouble getting a job or having a place to stay, I’m sure one of those pony support groups could help. I could even ask my manager if there’re positions available. But, please, don’t go believing you’d rather be a human than a pony. All you have to realize is that we’re all here for each other—all of us. And sometimes a small gesture goes a long way. If it weren’t for small gestures, I wouldn’t have even gotten my job to begin with. Here, I heard I’m pretty good at these.”
The buspony wrapped his other foreleg around Arthur’s shoulder, pulling him towards him. At first Arthur stiffened, before he returned the embrace and quietly sobbed into his shoulder.
Arthur sniffled. “You really are good at hugs.”
“I know.”
“You guys always looked soft and fluffy.”
“Feeling better?”
“A little.” Arthur paused for a while, clutching him tight. “I’m sorry about what I said. I mean it this time.”
“Sorry about what?”
“About…” Arthur stopped. “You wouldn’t understand. It’s not important, anyways. Just tell me everything is going to be all right.”
The buspony pulled away from him and gave him a light slap on the back. “Of course it is! We all survived to live another day! Doesn’t mean that particular day will be perfect or even close, but we can always try and make the best of it, can’t we?”
“I guess.”
The buspony hurriedly gathered his empty container and threw it into the dumpster behind them. “Sorry I can’t stay any longer, but I need to go catch my bus. If you want to talk some more, I’ll be here the same time tomorrow. Don’t lose faith. You’ll feel better soon.”
In a blast of light, Arthur disappeared from the steps, causing the buspony to briefly shield his eyes with a leg.
“I didn’t think Earth ponies could do that,” he said, before trotting away to catch his bus.
***
As if pulled out of a deep slumber, Arthur snapped awake with a jolt and momentarily forgot about the night’s events. Then, like a rolling avalanche, it hit him hard and he brought a hand up to his face to inspect.
A hand. A real human hand with fingers and everything.
He looked down and found legs inside of pants, as well as his stomach inside a shirt. Below his lap was the same toilet he’d been sitting on when he’d been changed into a pony and all the horrors began. Had he passed out while relieving himself and dreamt everything up? Could that really have been—
“Think again, friendo!”
The door to his stall was violently kicked inwards, clipping the edges of his knees. Outside the stall was Discord, his arms crossed over his chest.
Arthur screamed. And screamed and screamed. Then he screamed some more.
From behind his back, Discord brought out an audio-recording device and pressed a button, causing the tape to rewind. When he pressed another button, he played back the series of screams Arthur had just so loudly loosed.
As he listened, Discord made conductor movements with his arms. “This is nice. I’ll make sure to listen to this every night before bed.”
Arthur pulled his feet up onto the bowl and brought his hands up to shield himself. “No more! No more! Please!”
“No more? Are you sure? I thought you were starting to get the hang of being a pony.”
Arthur didn’t reply—he only grimaced at what might or might not have been in store for him.
Discord rolled his eyes. “You humans. So lightweight. If I was anything like my older self, you would never have been seen again—left spinning and screaming in a dimension of my own creation, filled with horrors so twisted it would make you think that I’m insane. But, thankfully for you, my duplicate’s currently paying for our bill and I need to make sure Twilight has my full attention for the rest of the night. So looks like our little game is over.”
Arthur exhaled in relief, lowering one of his hands. “Really? I can go now?”
“Yep. Right after I tell you this little, itty bitty bit of advice. Ready to hear it?”
Discord entered the cramped stall until Arthur could feel his breath on his face. All the joy in Discord’s expression melted away as what replaced it was as hard as stone.
He whispered to him, “You insulted and hurt the love of my life tonight. That was very unwise of you. If you ever say anything bad about ponies again, I will know. Don’t think I will know—I will. And then I’ll take off the kiddy gloves and actually throw you in a dimension of my own creation with the sole purpose of hurting you. Comprendre, Arthur Mitchell?”
Arthur nodded, a bead of sweat trickling down his forehead.
Discord backed away. “Swell! Maybe if we cross paths again, I’ll buy you a beer! Or not. Who knows?”
Then he snapped himself from the room, leaving Arthur alone for the remainder of the night.
Hesitant to know if it was all another trick, Arthur remained in that same washroom stall until a late-night janitor found him in there and was forced to escort him out.
Arthur had never been more polite to a unicorn in all his life.
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That was hilarious. PERFECT!
This is why you never mess with something or someone Discord likes.
I can't wait for Twilight to find out, that's going to be quite the conversation.
I'd be all moving out of the city by the morning. Damn he's funny and terrifying.
I'm glad Arthur has decided ponies arent that bad. It is very mature of him.
aaw so nice how protective he is ^^
i love it
6508009 Thank you!
6507767 When he's forced to accept ponies...
6507709 City? Arthur's moving to Canada as soon as he finds his passport.
6506738 Thanks!
6506183 Discord's just trying to widen his group of friends... the only way he knows how: blackmail and all around nastiness.
Maybe Arthur should start a Victims of Discord Support Group.
Yes, of course, his older self. He definitely didn't do anything like that to a mailpony for being late recently.
6509046 Group slogan: "New members every week!"
6508377
I would imagine Twilight's and Discord's kids looking something like this:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/7/13/673739.png
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/2/14/828195.png
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/2/8/824009.png
And for more artworks of Lopoddity's universe click this link here.
6524688
Well Pandora Is adorale
6524688
Oh...
My...
God...
That last one..
7014654 That one is actually one of my favorite of Loppoddity's drawings of Pandora.
Discord being Sans from Undertale right now.