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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Not a bad story at all, so keep it going, as it is indeed promising so far. Only thing that I'd like to point out is that you make it sound like the story is going to immediately jump 1,000 years into the future with how your long description is worded. Might want to give that a pass over or two to reword it a little better to reflect the story so far.
Woefully under viewed story though. Real shame it doesn't have more exposure.
This is an awesome and surprisingly well written story.
I say surprisingly because the initial paragraph that describes the story makes it sound like it will be a story about a stallion wandering around with a poor me I can't die attitude constantly followed by death...It even makes it sound if he will end up in a weird kind of romance with death itself.
Instead you actually have an extremely well rounded story with interesting characters that does not have to lean heavily on the main characters immortality to push the story forward.
I believe you would have more views if you changed the introduction paragraph to your story a bit.
Either way I enjoyed your story and look forward to more when you have the time.
7225702 I'll be sure to do that. And that is high praise! Whether or not it gains mass exposure (as cool as it would be), isn't my prerogative in writing it. I just want to become a better writer, and get these story arcs out of my head. If people enjoy my efforts as I do so, then that makes it all the better.
7225882 Well, there's no way I can ignore revising the intro with two people saying it needs work. And I couldn't stand myself if I wrote a "poor me" character. In writing this, obviously his inability to die will play a factor, but I don't want that to be all that makes him special. As far as your speculation to Death and Wax starting up something, I'll only say that she plays a larger role than currently seen.
Anyway, thank you both for the feedback and I'm glad y'all enjoyed it!
One small nit pick with this chapter, how was the sun rising if Celestia was still asleep? Granted, this made for some fun antics and is setting up some rather interesting possibilities, but I thought it was established that the sun and moon needed her to at least rise and set. Just a small detail I felt should be pointed out.
And still looking forward to seeing Death show up again so we can have another immortal friend.