- Member Since 15th Jul, 2013
- offline last seen Feb 27th, 2021
ABronyAnonymous
I'm just here to hone my writing skills, read good fics, and help out. Also, Applejack is best pony.
ABronyAnonymous
Joined 15th Jul, 2013 ·
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Overall, it's a well-written story, not to mention unique. I like it.
6334889 Thank you! Although to be perfectly honest, I'm only as good as my editor. He honestly helps out a lot when it comes to catching the things I tend to overlook.
Seems alright at the moment.
Seems good. MORE!!!
Well, you've caught my interest for sure. Throwing this in my tracking pile to see where you take us.
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Well, I have the second chapter outlined, and just need to flesh it out, so that should be out soon-ish. I'm also working a better art cover and just need to finish with coloration, so that'll me away from writing for a few hours. I'm just glad that y'all liked it! thank you!
Dude, I love this fic. Also, may I say that I simply love your version of the reaper.
6339136 Death is going to play an interesting role and character. I don't want to spoil the reveals I have in store for her, but I hope you'll like them.
6339304 Well, I'm more than excited to read the next chapter
Update: Sorry it took so long to get this next chapter out, but between college and everything else, I've been incredibly busy. Also Chapter 3 has been planned out and just needs to be fleshed out and polished. Hope y'all enjoy!
I can see where this story is going, at least I'm guessing on where you're going, or I'm just making up my own ideas.
Keep up the good story, I am enjoying it. Being a single father I can relate to the main protagonist, and I am hoping to see more of him being a father. But it saddens me to think that he will outlive his own new daughter. Nothing is sadder than a parent outliving their own children.
Keep up the good work.
6548042 The next chapter, which regrettably is still in outline until I catch a break from exams (yay college....), will focus on their relationship as father and daughter. I'm glad you're enjoying it and I only hope that I can get him being a single father down right and do it justice.
Good to see this story isn't cancelled keep up the good work
6826491 Thank you! And I have no intentions of cancelling it, so don't worry. It just might take me a while to write it all out since I'm in college. I basically try to do a little every night and it slowly builds up.
Not a bad story at all, so keep it going, as it is indeed promising so far. Only thing that I'd like to point out is that you make it sound like the story is going to immediately jump 1,000 years into the future with how your long description is worded. Might want to give that a pass over or two to reword it a little better to reflect the story so far.
Woefully under viewed story though. Real shame it doesn't have more exposure.
This is an awesome and surprisingly well written story.
I say surprisingly because the initial paragraph that describes the story makes it sound like it will be a story about a stallion wandering around with a poor me I can't die attitude constantly followed by death...It even makes it sound if he will end up in a weird kind of romance with death itself.
Instead you actually have an extremely well rounded story with interesting characters that does not have to lean heavily on the main characters immortality to push the story forward.
I believe you would have more views if you changed the introduction paragraph to your story a bit.
Either way I enjoyed your story and look forward to more when you have the time.
7225702 I'll be sure to do that. And that is high praise! Whether or not it gains mass exposure (as cool as it would be), isn't my prerogative in writing it. I just want to become a better writer, and get these story arcs out of my head. If people enjoy my efforts as I do so, then that makes it all the better.
7225882 Well, there's no way I can ignore revising the intro with two people saying it needs work. And I couldn't stand myself if I wrote a "poor me" character. In writing this, obviously his inability to die will play a factor, but I don't want that to be all that makes him special. As far as your speculation to Death and Wax starting up something, I'll only say that she plays a larger role than currently seen.
Anyway, thank you both for the feedback and I'm glad y'all enjoyed it!
One small nit pick with this chapter, how was the sun rising if Celestia was still asleep? Granted, this made for some fun antics and is setting up some rather interesting possibilities, but I thought it was established that the sun and moon needed her to at least rise and set. Just a small detail I felt should be pointed out.
And still looking forward to seeing Death show up again so we can have another immortal friend.
7240101 I've always been until the persuasion that Celestia and Luna controlling the sun and the moon is a bit like breathing or walking for us. They don't need to put a conscious effort in it. Sure, they can put on a bit of a show about it (i.e.: Summer Sun Celebration), but can also just do it through sheer force of habit without realizing it.
This is a bit of my own headcanon though. If you would prefer you could also assume she woke up earlier, rose the sun and decided to go back to sleep.
And I don't mind the nitpicks. If something disturbs your suspension of disbelief, I, as the author, need to know so that I can fix it, explain it, or know what not to do in the future. After all, the devil is in the details, and those little things can make the difference between something good and something great.
Thanks for reading!
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OK, I can accept either of those possibilities. Like I said, just a small nit pick over the majorities headcanon.
Still waiting for death to come back into the narrative though. I think she'll be fun.
7243085 I won't spoil anything, but she will play a larger role as the story goes on. Just have to write all the bits between here and there.
I bet him and Diamond Dancer would have a lot to discuss! (She too, is an ageless)
7251905 I'm sure he'd have a few questions as to how a filly found herself in such a position.
UPDATE (6 Dec 16): I know that it has roughly been six months, but I assure you that the story isn't dead. I've been travelling the Rocky Mountains, busy with university, and exploring a few, once-in-a-lifetime opportunities that have been amazing! Also, to further illustrate how busy I've been, I haven't seen anything of the latest season since April. So I have a lot of catching up to do. Through it all though, I've been thinking, and planning out this tale, which is looking like three main books, with an openness for a fourth book, although I think I'm going to focus on these first three before I go any further. Anyway, here's the list:
1) Go through and re-edit everything already published. Some things may change, most will not. I'm mainly looking at word choices, characterizations, and patch some areas that I think are weak or just don't settle right. Events won't change by any significant margins though.
2) Write the Crystal Empire Mission Arc. I've poured a lot of thought into this, and warning, it's going to get a little dark, but the payoff should be great if I can build it up right.
3) After that, I have a few chapters and the ending already written and I just need to build to them. Fortunately, the outline is mostly written and should just be a matter of staying faithful to it.
Aww man... caught up already? Looking forward to more.
Well, this is an interesting turn of events. Orchid is nothing like I would have expected, dithering around for six years because she felt like it seems a bit irresponsible to me but we'll have to see how this all plays out.
And once Cresent convinces the others that he hasn't invented a new imaginary friend, having a friendly autonomous ghost for a stealth mission will be a godsend. Although, if Sombra practices a form of spirit magic things could turn very dicey. Should be fun.
7850412 Ask and you shall receive! Just standby for a little longer. The next chapter is written, and now it is just a matter of me combing through it proofreading, editing, and addressing the parts that are either too weak, too boring, or otherwise don't flow in a way that sets well with me. As it currently stands, there's not enough "hook" in the chapter and is serving only to lay some foundations. It's not a bad chapter, but it's missing a certain spark that make it special. I'm nearly done though and my goal is to have it out by the weekend at the very latest, whether I think it is perfect or not.
7852495 Irresponsible? To an extent, I suppose. In the aftermath of Waxing's "ascendance", Orchid had to deal with her own set of frustrations, and in some ways, I'd argue got the worse end of the stick. As such her character has developed greatly since her genesis as I thought about all the different things to do to her (I know that sounds worse than it really is. Although writers are just socially accepted psychopaths, I swear). As far as her involvement from here on out, well, you'll just have to read and find out. :)
First of all, welcome back. Good to see this continued again, the last few chapters seem to have a few interesting things developing within, which proves promising. The slight, hinted teasing of Celestia and Waxing growing closer, perhaps to a point of being romantic (which would be quite welcomed, I personally have to say) has been well handled. The bit with her looking after Waxing's daughter a few times now lends itself to this potential perception of events.
The Crystal Kingdom feels as if it is definitely going to be the conflict of this current arc, as the story has the potential for many arcs, up to the potential return of Luna, perhaps even beyond? No clue where you intend to stop it, but there is a lot of story potential here. most definitely. But, back to the Kingdom, and Sombra... the initial interaction did an excellent job of showing him as the calculating, manipulative tyrant you wanted to paint him out to be, and it makes me wonder just how events will turn out with the mission there. A lot of people like to think he was banished due to the elements and Celestia & Luna working together, but obviously those cards are no longer on the table, so in order to arrange for events to align with canon in the future, it should be quite entertaining to see how you arrive to that point. Hopefully things don't get too dark for Waxing, though, because Sombra's approach does very well entail a fate far worse than death.
Orchid is... an intriguing wild card in things now. I'm honestly reminded a little bit of Piers Anthony's Incarnations of Immortality series, in which Death is an individual who passes his or her mantle on to the next, and wears it as a job and title, rather than being it. The similarities aren't all there, but in the fact that one failed reaping, holding off on just one job, will hold you up until it is done is what sticks out to me. As for a wild card, I say this because you have, effectively, an individual that can go pretty much anywhere, and hear pretty much everything alongside Waxing. I don't see anything romantic coming of those two, but an odd friendship? Most certainly, especially if you stick to your guns and keep Waxing immortal and unkillable throughout the story.
So, lot of promise and potential still present, and I'm looking forward to a few events. The romance (hopefully!) with Celestia, and the events that will go down in the Empire... plus the eventual, awkward and most likely painful revelation of Waxing having to tell those who know him why he isn't aging in some time. That'll be a hard thing to cover up from the country, too, if he remains visible at Celestia's side.
Good job though!
7862645 Thank you! I will finish this story, no matter how long it takes me. I suspect it won't be until I graduate though that I can make more steady progress on it, because, well, college. And I love hearing your, and other's, speculation on things. Holding the "master plan", it's fun to see where y'all are and leaves me excited. Especially as y'all raise some of the same thoughts I had when planning. It's like playing Battleship, but never telling y'all if it's a hit or a miss.
And you are right, there's a lot I can cover. I have some distinct points and arcs planned out, some more complete than others. Funnily enough though, the ending was the very first thing I wrote, which I'm glad because at least I know where to stop. I do question why I decided to make a massive epic my first real effort and not a smaller tale, but I don't regret it.
Now as far as this arc, I don't think it spoiling anything by saying the Crystal Empire will disappear since I have it in bold, in the description, that canon will be bent, and I'm not looking to break it. I want the reader to be able to read this, and then watch the show and be able to say, "Yeah, that could've happened. Maybe." In regards to how dark things will get for Wax, it'll be a fine line to walk, especially as things go on, but I'll cross that bridge when it comes to it though.
Now Orchid. Whew. She has taken on a life of her own as I started writing her as is far different from the original drafts. I have to say though, I prefer her this way. She's a lot more fun to write, but also allows for more depth of character to explore. In regards to her genesis, she borrows heavily from the premise of another story idea I had three years back, but never wrote past an outline. Admittedly, I am unfamiliar with the Incarnations of Immortality series, but the premise sounds intriguing and I might have to go check them out.
I'm shipping it hard...
7918177 But...Wax said she was just a good friend. I really don't understand why you would ship them. (Joking aside, we'll see how it all pans out.)
I could no longer here Breeze and Anvil playing.
hear
7925905 Ah, thank you. Should be fixed now.
Honestly this is a really good story, the level of character development is enticing, I am enjoying the interesting and maybe no existent romance possibilities, and I have yet to find a story that has really peaked my interest like this one in quite a while!!
13/17 penguins (")>
My only issue as of right now is I have finished what has been put out and want more!!
7967044 Haha I'm glad you're enjoying it! I promise Chapter 12 is on its way. It's actually written to a large extent and just needs a few passes of editing. The largest problem with it at the moment is I'm not 100% satisfied with it. There's a right and wrong way to present what I'm going to do, and I want it to be right. I want the reader to understand why something happens, not just that it did. So I need to guide the reader through it and not just BAM! this happened.
So yeah. It's been through one rewrite already. I took a little break, experimented with a different kind of story (should it pass moderation...eventually...it's an experiment, there were bound to be problems!), and hope to have this out by this weekend at the earliest and next week at the latest. I only beg your patience. I'm a senior in college and have limited time.
Finally, my question to you is...how does one get 17 out of 17 penguins? And do I need to go to Antarctica to claim them?
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They may or may not be in the mail.. did you happen to order an office chair recently?
And Don't push it!! A good story takes time!! My favorite series still doesn't have its 3rd book out yet, after like, 5 years.... Still my fav. just wish patrick rothfuss could hurry -_- but either way, good takes time!!
A few typos here and there....
Pretty sure there was at least one more, but I can't find it again...
8023081 Ugh, freaking typos. I swear, despite my best efforts, a few always get through. Also, I'm getting used to a new keyboard after my old one stopped working (it was eight years old and has been through a lot). It's strange how just changing that makes typing feel strange all over again.
Anyway, thanks! I appreciate you pointing those out!
For some reason, I feel dirty just thinking of a version of DMC with a title like that. I dunno why but it just feels... Wrong to me.
8060371 I haven't played the games, but I'm going to assume that it'd be a little disturbing haha
Missing word.
Wrong tense.
I can't say I hold any particular loyalties to Celestial, being a night owl myself but I must admit. I find it very satisfying, the way Thunderhead was dealt with. If it were me instead of Wax I would have torn his throat out and decorated the streets with his entrails. I tend to be very violent when I'm angry, which thankfully is a very rare occurrence. I especially hate narcissistic bastards like him and I take great satisfaction in seeing his downfall, bit of a sadist too.
Im rambling. All I wanted to say is that I'm enjoying your story very much. Please keep up the good work your doing here. I'll support you all the way. Good luck in your future endeavors, my friend.
8061908 Ah, thank you! Should be fixed now.
8062450 I will admit that there were a variety of ways I wanted to end this, but ultimately decided that this struck the greatest balance between what Wax felt was right and what was probably reasonable. I don't want to portray his character as one who responds to every issue by enacting violence and death, but also that he is not above doing so either where he can't turn his back and walk away. The difficulty in that is I have to be careful with how much I have him do because I won't let him be one of those main character that gets away with murder and everyone laughs it off as "Oh he's such a loose cannon!" There are consequences for the things he does.
Anyway, I'm glad your enjoying it! It's been a challenge to balance getting this written while in college and fear that I haven't been the most diligent on always working on it when I could (I'm looking at you Fallout 4). But regardless, it is something I constantly churn over in my head and think about and will inevitably finish.
I get the sneaky suspicion that when Waxing finally makes his play, Topaz is going to do something stupid and get himself killed.
And I didn't think there will be many of us, if any, who will be sorry when he's gone. 
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Well, the goal was to make him unlikable, so I consider this mission accomplished.
You fucker... A cliffhanger smaked straight into my face... More please XD
8335412 It's on its way!
While I can understand your reasoning for this, I feel like I should mention that this seems like a mistake to me. We know that Waxing is effectively immortal, so we know it was likely he'd survive to modern times, this skip forward did reveal two of the biggest mysteries of story. One was if they would ever find a 'cure' for his condition and the other was what the reaction would be for when Luna returns. Now we all know that the answer is a resounding Nope to both questions. I fully agree with the three year skip though, his description and the last bit we saw were grim enough, but the modern jump just answered those questions too soon and removed some of the suspense from future chapters.
But I am really looking forward to seeing his unholy vengeance when he comes back as an undead terror. Both against the Silver Talons and for Hail. That is going to be fun.