Red Dead ReDerption

by CompleteChaos21

Chapter 1: Exodus in Equestria

Chapter 1:

Derpston gasped and shot her eyes open. She turned her head and looked around the small room she was in. The wooden room was packed in with lots of junk and other horse related supplies. Light peaked in through the dirty rags covering the one window in the room. Joan sat up in her bed; it pained her to get up her left side coursing in agony. Joan slowly slid out of her resting place and grabbed her hat from the bed post.

“Well! Howdy there partner. Seems that you’re alive and kickin again.” The light orange coated mare leaned against the door post and smiled at Joan.

“So it seems” Derpston said as she placed her hat on her head. “Got any Idea where my jacket is ma’am?”

“Mighty sorry Miss but I do believe we left it at the doctors. Come with me, we’ll walk down to the doctors in ponyvile. Oh and by the way my name is Gala, Gala MacApple.”

Joan took a step forward and hissed and gasped in pain with every movement. “Where are we exactly?”

“Why, were in the northern village of Sweet Apple Acres. Its north of all the main farms and its where our relatives stay during the apple family reunion. We brought you here after the doctor fixed you up.” The two of them began walking down the small hillside that the north village was built on. “So do you mind me asking what you were doing out there by Fort Cloudsdale? I mean Dyslex is the most dangerous unicorn this side of Equestria!”

Derpston kept a straight face as she answered, “Just tryin to save an old friend.”

“An old friend? You were friends with that crazy filly?” asked Gala.

“I’m afraid so...” said Joan as she dipped her head towards the ground.

Err…w-we’ll look on the bright side, the doctor got that bullet out of you and he said you’ll be all better soon.” Stated Gala as an obvious attempt to cheer Joan up.

“Good…”

“It cost us 15 bits.”

“And I’ll re-pay you some how Miss MacApple I promise you that.” Joan gave Gala a reassuring smile.

Gala cleared her throat and began shifting her eyes back and forth, “hmmm umm…err so how do you know Miss Lex?”

“Lets say me, her, and 2 other buddies of ours all had a not so sunshine and smiley faces kinda past.”

“What are you an outlaw or something!?” gasped Gala.

“I may have robbed, kidnapped, and beaten up some ponies before but I, we was justified. We only took from them rich folks and we gave it to the less fortunate of us.” Derpston kept her head down towards the ground.

“But you didn’t do anything else…right?”

“I may have killed a pony or two as well…” she stopped walking and was breathing heavily, fatigued by the pain in her sides.

“I ain’t gonna lie, but me and my pa have killed our fair share of rustlers and thieves. It’s a pony kill pony world out here, survival ain’t easy.”

“Your…your hitting the mark…with that one.” Derpston panted.

“So what was he like, I mean the mares in your gang?”

“They was dumb.”

“Sounds a lot like you!” shouted Gala.

“Much appreciated Miss MacApple!” sarcastically remarked Joan.

“So what will you do now?” asked Gala

“Well I gotta go see Dyslex again, although this time I won’t be as nice.” Said Derpston as the two of them strolled into ponyvile.

“Well, I best be getting to main section of our farm. It’s just southwest of here. Oh yea and that hut back in the north village is yours to keep till the next apple family reunion. Now go check in with the doctor, he said he wanted to see you to tell you the extent of your injuries.”

“Thanks Miss MacApple, this really means a lot to me!” smiled Joan.

“Its nothing miss….err”

“Derpston, Joan Derpston”

“Its nothing Joan, just don’t expect me to drag your body everywhere. Now I must be going. Goodbye for now.” She waved goodbye and galloped out of town and out of sight.

Derpston observed the town. It was bright and happy, the ponies at least, but this town looked miserable and the ugly sight of wind scorched and beaten down homes and stores. She moved through out the small streets searching among the buildings for the doctor’s office. When a blue building with a white and red cross came up into view on the edge of town Joan knew she had found what she was looking for. The door opened as a large brown stallion trotted out with bloody bandages on his ears. Derpston entered office and rang the bell on the counter.

“I’ll be out in a minute!” yelled a voice from the back room, it was a strange voice, Joan knew that accent that accent that was so much different then hers or Gala’s. She recognized this voice very well, it was a voice she would never forget…and for good reason. The doctor walked in, he had a slicked back dark brown mane and his coat was a lighter color than his mane. “Oh my! Well if you’d look at whom we got here, if it ain’t the good ol’ cowmare who they brought in to me a week ago. Plum tuckered out and bleeding like a waterfall!”

“Hello, Doctor…it’s been a while.” A small smirk began showing on Derpstons face.

“A while? Well if a week ago is a while then yes. It’s been a while.”

“Wait?!? Do you not remember ME!” shouted Joan

“Am I supposed to remember? Do I win a prize if I do!” The Doctor laughed obviously not remembering anything.

“Do you not remember comet rock outside of Trottingham? Or does that blue mailbox of yours hurt your memories too!” Joan was standing up into the doctor’s face staring into his eyes, although her own eyes had drooped and gone derpy.

“Those eyes…and how do you know about the TARDIS. Now I remember you’re important somehow. Let’s see I just can’t seem to remember.” The doctor began shuffling through some boxes in the back throwing items behind him that nearly hit Joan. “Oh! That’s right. I thought queen Elizabeth and Tia were the last of my love problems. Seems I’m really bad at remembering ponies. Let’s see your name, your name, umm, Jonah no, no it was, Jasmine, no Jo…Jo…Jo JOAN! BLOODY HELL! It’s great to see you, Joan Derpston!” The Doctor grabbed a book from a box and opened it up to reveal a couple of pictures of him and Joan. “You were never really picture savvy. But, hey we look good in these. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so how has life been for you! Come on I’ve been gone for a couple years something interesting has to have happened to…eh you of anypony especially!” The doctor shouted so loud that some ponies in the streets had stopped and looked into the office but had since then left.

“Well I had a baby filly and we were living happy and by ourselves cause the father left us. I’d been trying my best to leave that past life I had, for her! But that caught back up to me and now I’ve gotta kill someponies who are causing trouble for everypony round’ here! Now I wish that my baby’s father would remember his place and help me save her.” Stated Derpston as she stressed many of the words in a slightly angry tone.

The doctor put his hoof on his chin, “Now that’s a brilliant story. But I’m afraid I can’t help much with this.”

Joan scowled at the Doctor and began shouting at him again, her eyes going derpy once more, “OH FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA! Remember Comet Rock you nonce!” She grabbed her gun and shoved it into the doctor’s face. “Now I think it’d be best if you’d start remembering who I am and everything we done did together.”

“What the Buck, Joan. I remember that we ran away from the gang together and that we lived in Trottingham for a while. I remember what happened at Comet Rock and that I left immediately after it in the TARDIS. I’m a time lord for Pete sake, it’s what I do! So what are you saying!?”

“Oh! Why are you so intelligent and handsome!?” Joan lowered her weapon. “I was hoping you’d use that intelligence to put the pieces together.” Joan began trotting towards the door.

“Wait! How do you want me to connect these pieces?”

“I’d think that you of all ponies would know how equine reproduction works.”

The doctor stared into Joan’s still derpy eyes, and then he made a face that the word “priceless” could be considered an understatement to. His jaw dropped, he gasped in a couple of times and his eyes widened.

“I HAVE A DAUGHTER!” shouted the Doctor. The Doctor now stood on his two hind legs.

“Yours and mine. She’s a unicorn too. Almost grown-up too. She could really use her father right now!”

The doctor put on his serious face, “I’m coming Dyslex! Give me my daughter back!” The doctor charged for the door.

“Doctor NO!” Joan jumped onto the doctor trying to pull him down, but he attempted to keep going dragging Derpston along. “She ain’t out at the Fort!” Joan’s body began to throb with pain as her left side dragged along the ground. She fell off and the doctor continued running, Joan felt herself fading away but she reached for her revolver. BANG! The doctor stopped running, when he turned around Derpston was holding her smoking revolver in the air, and then she dropped it and collapsed to the right. The Doctor rushed up to her she was panting and gasping in pain.

“Your bleeding, we must have opened up your wounds again. Come on lets get you lot into my office.” The doctor picked up Joan and carried (a little more like dragged her) back to his office.

Joan woke up in an infirmary bed, the Doctor stood on the right side of the room washing his hooves or other medical tools. When he saw that she was awake he trotted over to her.

“Good morning!” the chipper tone of the doctors voice made Joan smile a little.

“Morning? Was I out for the whole night?” Joan sat up in her bed and clinched her teeth as she felt her sides hurting once again.

“Yep! And lucky you I was able to get my sonic screwdriver working long enough to patch you up. But it went on the fritz again before I could fix a newly discovered problem of yours….Your wings.” The doctor reached under the bed sheets and grabbed Joan’s left wing and extended it full. Now normally Joan wasn’t one to voice her pain out loud but this was an exception.

“OH MUFFINS!” Joan out of reflex punches the doctor square in the muzzle.

“OW!” The doctor yelled and covered his nose with his hooves. “Well…I guess that’s what I get for doing that. Your wing is injured. And I could only do what my hooves could allow me to; it will have to heal naturally without the assistance of the SS.”

“Is that all…am I free to go?” asked Derpston.

“You most certainly are free to go! Your clothes are on the stool next to your bed and your jacket is on the edge of your bed. Also!” the doctor shouted at Derpston from a room he had walked into, “Marshall Dash Johnson asked me to send you to her when you woke up!” The doctor walked back into the room and now his head and body were adorned with a fedora and a sleek brown leather jacket. “Now if you will excuse me, I’m going to enjoy a hay and English muffin breakfast at Sugar Cube Corner. Ta-Ta!” and then he was gone.

A few minutes later, “Wow, Dash Johnson wants to see me? Hehe, it’s been a while since I’ve heard that name. Wonder what she wants.” Derpston appeared out of the front of the office, she was now fully clothed in her cowmare outfit including her jacket. She grinned and looked down the road at the Marshall’s office, she put her hat on top of her head and trotted off down the road.

CUE EPIC MUSIC!