'' Adagio! Open up!" said Aria Blaze extremely mad.
'' Aria?!? What are you doing here?'' Adagio Dazzle asked.
'' I'm really mad at you, Sonata, and Sunset.'' said Aria Blaze.
'' Aria, I can't believe I'm saying this but, when I went over to your house, I saw Sonata by a door shivering. She was all covered up in bruises. I can tell deep inside, she was real hurt. And she was pregnant! She had to have to have a C-section! A C-SECTION!!! The doctors said she almost didn't make it!'' said Adagio Dazzle.
'' Well, she is the worst!" said Aria Blaze.
'' I know you think she is the worst, but, she was helping us getting magic, she loves tacos as much as I do, and then there's you. Nothing much about you but, has a very, very, very bad attitude.'' said Adagio Dazzle.
'' What did you say?!?" said Aria Blaze.
'' I said, you have a very, very, very, bad attitude and you're THE WORST, NOT SONATA!" said Adagio Dazzle.
'' I never, ever, liked you Adagio. I mean, you always lead in our songs.'' said Aria Blaze.
'' You know what, get out of my house, and I better not see you, ever again!" said Adagio Dazzle.
'' Fine, but next time, I'll make sure you will be come unpopular.'' said Aria Blaze.
'' It's okay my little Allegro and Melody. I'll never let her or anyone hurt you.'' said Adagio Dazzle.
7 months later,
'' Meet Senza Glare and Harmony Star.'' said Sonata Dusk.
At home,
'' Girls, I heard some pretty bad news.'' said Sunset Shimmer.
'' What is it Sunset?" Adagio Dazzle and Sonata Dusk asked.
'' Aria was killed in a very bad car crash. They said she was drinking while driving her Ferrari LaFerrari and crashed into Twilight's Lamborghini Gallardo. Twilight is okay. But Aria's Ferrari was totaled out.'' said Sunset Shimmer.
'' Oh who care's about Aria's part?" said both Adagio Dazzle and Sonata Dusk.
'' I'm just glad we're a family.'' said Sunset Shimmer.
'' Me too.'' said both Adagio Dazzle and Sunset Shimmer.
'' Me too.'' said Sunset Shimmer.
Well, shit. I'm boned with a boner. You get a like!
I like the premise but you need to give it more meat. Until then, sorry.
The concept of the story is really interesting, but... it's just way too rushed. They want a baby, stuff happens, Aria and Sonata come by, stuff happens, the children are there, the end. I personally can't sympathize with any of the characters. What the story really needs is a bit more story around the dialogue. Also, you never explain how they got pregnant despite living with other women.
I really don't want to anger you in any way. The idea behind the story sounds amazing and it has a lot of potential. But it needs a bit more work to use this potential.
Something something spelling grammar
Feels A bit too Rushed and not enough Words, But besides That, The story idea is very good. Myabe an editor can help? I'll still give you an upvote.
6245200 They got pregnant well, you know how lesbians get pregnant? That's how they got pregnant. I also added Lamborghini Gallardo and Ferrari LaFerrari cause I LOVE those cars a lot! The reason why I rushed cause, I have to start school in a week and I need some sleep.
6245221 I promise I will add stuff to the story to make it more you know, interesting.
6245227 Thanks!
6245289
You mean... test-tube fertilization? Well, then the question should be: who's the father?
6245200 Thanks! I really need to work on my other story, Friendship Games. It's not real perfect. A lot of people hate Friendship Games.Well anyway, I'll pick up from the Bonus Chapter on the sequel. Well, I never been to the SDCC at all. I mean, from where I am, it's like 3 days from here.
6245300 Yep! Adagio's the father. Sunset's the mother. I really did this story at Orange Beach in Alabama.
6245001 Thanks!
6245300 Yeah!
6245295 You're welcome!
6245371 I'm going to post this on Equestria Daily ASAP!
This is a nice script, but you need more than dialogue to make it an interesting story.
6245391 Okay, the reason why I went to fast cause, I do FIMFiction like 1:00 AM- I don't know. I've been on my laptop so much that even Wizard 101 isn't running right on this computer. My computer is a HP Windows 8.1 and it's pink. I wish I could get the Equestria Girls App, but Hasbro put it on Apple. Why I'm not surprised that when you first use it'll crash. Apple got on my nerves that one time, I broke the screen cover a little by that was accidently. Now, I use a Windows Phone and Laptop! The MLP App will do better on laptop. Well anyway, I'll be busy tomorrow cause, I have to go to a Baby Shower.
It's a good premise, but it's rushed and rather strangely executed.
6245449 A lot of this stuff, I did at night. I properly was really tired, but somethings not making me going to sleep and I have to start school in one week! Last school year, when I woke up in class, they were being honest, I was snoring in the middle of a lesson!
6245500
Another tip: Sunset and Adagio would both be addressed as mothers, unless one is genderbent.
This is what I am... At times...
6245391 Thanks for the tip!