The Science of Magic

by theworstwriter

Discordian Differential

Rainbow Dash stretched, waking from a nap that hadn’t been particularly restful. She was a Wonderbolt. She could perform tricks no other pegasus in history was able to. She had achieved all her goals and everything she had ever wanted was hers, but she didn’t feel fulfilled. She felt empty and had trouble sleeping. Was this it? Was this life? Grow up, fulfill your dreams, grow old, then die? Why wasn’t having all your dreams come true enough?

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Tiny fractures covered every inch of the statue. It just needed one last push.

“Now.”

A pony some distance away pushed a button as Eos let loose the last jolt necessary to free Discord from his stone prison and place him into his new one. The bizarre creature stretched his limbs and craned his neck in various directions. He had a puzzled look on his face.

“I take it you need me for something, miss Sparkle?”

Eos motioned for all ponies present to leave, and they dutifully obeyed. “Hello, Discord. It’s been a while. Some things have changed... others have not. Are you comfortable?”

“I can move, but I see you’ve taken steps to prevent me from going very far.”

“That’s all the freedom I can afford to give you right now. Equestria isn’t stable enough to handle you right now.”

“Well this IS better than being locked in stone. Do thank Celestia for me.”

“I... can’t do that.”

The corners of Discord’s mouth drooped. He looked like he was trying to approximate a frown, but wasn’t familiar with how his own face worked.

“I see. And Luna?”

“The same.”

“So you?”

“Yes.”

“Well, this is quite a surprise. Even after they’re gone, the gears keep turning. It’s so,” he produced a genuine frown, “orderly.”

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Rarity frowned. Her fashions were at the forefront of Equestrian high society. She had fame, fortune, and friends. What else could she ask for? Why didn’t she have happiness? She felt awful about how selfish she was being. Other ponies didn’t have fame or fortune, and some didn’t even have friends. Who was she to receive all those gifts and ask for more?

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“I need you to tell me what you know about alicorns.”

“Oh? And why should I do that? Any information a pony like YOU gets is just going to be used in a logical and straightforward manner.”

“I freed you. Partially.”

“And for that I’m grateful, and I am willing to talk to you. But I think the answers you seek have a higher priced than you’ve paid.”

“I can’t free you, I told you that.”

“Just because you’re so predictable doesn’t mean I am. That isn’t what I was going to ask for.”

“Then what DO you want?”

“I want to talk to Pinkie Pie.”

“That... sounds relatively harmless. What’s the catch?”

“There’s no catch, miss Sparkle. This world is a dreadfully boring and predictable place, and I enjoy mixing it up and making it look more like it should. If I can’t do that, I can at least get a look at something a little more exciting.”

“That predictability you dislike so much is exactly what’s allowed pony society to come so far. If the world were less ‘boring’ we wouldn’t be where we are today.”

“Precisely, my dear.”

Eos raised an eyebrow. “We may have more to discuss than I originally planned. Is it alright if I fetch Pinkie later? I’m very curious NOW.”

“Of course. I trust you’ll do as you say, because that’s what you do. You’re predictable, miss Sparkle.”

“That’s... not my proper title.”

“Oh but where are my manners, Princess... Eos Sol Celestia?”

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Fluttershy sipped listlessly at her tea. The animals were happy and well fed. The spa had left her feeling incredibly relaxed. The atmosphere in the little cottage was peaceful. Quiet and content. What was she doing wrong? How could such a perfect afternoon feel so hollow? There was absolutely nothing wrong in her life... so why didn’t it feel perfect?

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Eos stared at Discord. “How did you know-”

“PREDICTABLE, miss Sparkle; I’ve told you that. You ponies are so easy to read it’s disgusting.”

Eos smirked. “If we’re so simple, then how is it we defeated you? Twice?”

“YOU are predictable. I am not. As soon as I step into the ring, there’s mustard everywhere, I can’t read a thing, and it is glorious.”

The Princess shook her head. “We’re getting off track.”

“And it’s FANTASTIC.”

“Everything you do... is all of it just because you’re bored? Are you so selfish that you’re willing to put the well being of every pony in Equestria aside, just to see what happens if the natural order is disrupted?”

“I’ve never directly harmed a pony. Causing suffering is not what I set out to do. I do what I do to amuse myself, nothing more and nothing less... but make no mistake, I am no more selfish than any other creature.” Discord’s expression became distressingly serious. “Nothing I have done has ever changed anything. Chaos is all around you, inevitable and immutable. You may think that with the rules and laws of society you have imposed some form of order, but you are wrong. You may think that with an understanding of the fundamental forces of the universe you can see traces of order, but you are wrong. Order is an illusion, and all you have ever done is fool yourself into believing in something that never was. I don’t refrain from hurting others out of some sense of morality. The only reason I’ve never killed a pony is because I’ve never wanted to, but even if I did it wouldn’t be wrong of me. Morals are just devices used to try to enforce an impossible order. A set of rules to be followed so that naive minds can believe the universe is as predictable as they are. Just because the limited slice of possibilities you have experienced is well ordered does not mean everything else is. The sliver of organization most sentient creatures are so desperate to carve out means nothing in the sea of discord that flows through the cosmos, and is as impermanent as an ice cube in a volcano. It’s infuriating that the most predictable thing of all is how none of you ever accept how unpredictable reality at large truly is.”

Twilight Sparkle stood still, her mouth hanging open wordlessly. Discord’s face brightened considerably and he took a more relaxed posture.

“It doesn’t matter. I could keep this up all day, but it isn’t really the answer to the question you’re trying to ask. Nothing I have done was objectively or morally wrong, but I did make a mistake and I am responsible for my own downfall. I thought the desperate, feral ponies scrambling for food were boring, so I decided to change things. I... altered the mare of a unicorn couple. She foaled two alicorns who did not enjoy the way things worked, and those two agents of change remade the world. For a time, I was quite pleased with myself. I watched as what ponies did or could do morphed and changed, and I reveled in the uncertainty of where your kind would go. It didn’t take long before society’s rules and laws started to take shape. I fought back, introducing any and every change that crossed my mind, but I was beaten. I didn’t go down without a fight, though. Some of the butterfly wings I flapped cascaded out into a beautiful storm, eventually causing the Nightmare Moon fiasco. But those ridiculous Elements of Harmony ruined that! Can you believe the nerve? They take raw, unfiltered power and the absolute chaos of EMOTIONS, refining them into something truly revolting.”

Eos set her face to one of resolve. “In what way did you ‘alter’ this unicorn?”

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Applejack gave the tree one swift buck, and every apple fell squarely into the bucket. She smiled at the bucket for a few seconds before turning away. The farm was doing better than it ever had. She was living the the dream, rising each day with the sun to do what she was best at before lounging the evening away with her family or her friends. Ponies depended on her, and she didn’t disappoint. She’d grown up to be exactly the kind of mare she wanted to be, and there wasn’t a single obstacle in her way that she couldn’t overcome. So what reason could there possibly be for her to be unhappy?

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“Ever the inquisitive one, aren’t you? I don’t think your sciences have advanced far enough to understand DNA yet, so for simplicity’s sake let’s just say that I took some of the essence of earth and pegasus ponies and mixed it into her.”

“Just how advanced is YOUR understanding of science?”

“Advanced enough that there’s no more apparent mystery in the universe. I’ve been cursed with an astoundingly clear illusion of order pasted in front of my eyes. There aren’t patterns in the chaos. There AREN’T. The very idea of a pattern is an affront to the truth. I just can’t seem to get the hallucinations out of my head, so I have to improvise.”

“You need help.”

“I do. I’m sick and diseased, just like the rest of you. You’ve all just got the audacity to think that if everyone has the same illness, it must be normal. I’m just smart enough to know we’re all wrong.”

Several minutes passed in complete silence, Eos lost in deep thought.

“You thrive on the unknown and introduce anomalies solely so that you can observe. I can’t let you wreak havoc, and I can’t trust you to minimize or localize your... changes in ways that would avoid hurting anypony. But you know things. Things that could be used for the betterment of society. If I can surprise you... introduce you to things that you genuinely did not expect, will that alleviate your boredom enough for you to cooperate with my scientists?”

Discord smiled. “I was starting to think you’d never ask.”

Eos paused again. “How do you know so much? About... everything?”

“You never questioned Celestia. Where did she get her knowledge? I’ve been around for eons. Since long before the first pony ever drew breath. You pick a few things up.”

“Eons? That’s absurd!”

“PONIES are absurd. THAT is the truth. I haven’t dared try to do something so orderly as quantify the time I’ve been here, but I can say with reasonable certainty it has been at least one hundred thousand years, likely several orders of magnitude more.”

“What... ARE you?”

“I’m the only shepherd who isn’t blind.”

Comments

[JacenCaedus]

officially followed, loved your double rainbow story, even if my mind wanted to kill itself afterwards

[Pecan Crisp]

That picture...

[Meta Knight]

♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

[A Random Guy]

Discord being all philosophical. Food for thought: His entire existence is irony.

Dis-logic at its best! (or worst?)
well a good (if sad) story so far

[Shanawolf]

Bold philosophical statements of impermanence and existence. I love it!
I will be re-reading the statements of Discord for quite some time.
Thank you so very much for the food for thought.

[treos]

o.O the theories on chaos make sense to me and i already knew a few facts about chaos but... i guess he does have some sort of ailment looking at things from that angle, freaky.

as for what i know of the balance of chaos and order, i'm not 100% sure of this but it seems to me that one can't exist without the other in some way (removing order or chaos from the equation would destroy all of existence... more or less), true there is no pattern or real logic to chaos as its i.e. pure unpredictability and... i've lost track of what i was going to say next for now :/ though a lot of this chapted makes a good bit of sense to me (poor discord what a horrible curse)

[Thespurgin]

Aw snap. Discord can use spaghetti logic and troll logic? Just shoot me now. Just shoot me now.